I (Don't) Remember

[Serpico]

"I don't think this is how a parley is supposed to work. And outside is cold, I'll freeze to death." She said flatly. This was how it was going to be, huh. Great.

If they were looking for fear they would be disappointed. She had left that behind days ago. But she did feel worry. And her frown showed it. Couldn't go out like this. Not yet. Not when the game was still on.

"But hey, you guys have my full attention. What is it you want to do? Not just have me walk out the door, I bet. Maybe rough me up a bit?" She started to smile.

"Some payback, right? I understand. I'm a monster and I deserve it. Or something like that right? Your evils were just mistakes, right? Only I chose to do what I did. I get it."

She was smirking now. "You hate me. Truly and beyond measure. But I, only find it amusing."

[General Goose]

Yagmur almost immediately regretted his little comment. Yes, it felt satisfying. Yes, it was a rather harmless (and dare he say it quite enjoyable) way of satiating the rather sinister desires that were building up inside him. It was a cathartic release, a way of expressing his anger and disdain and hatred without stooping to the level of Corin.

And for Corin to give him a brief glance of - well, approval was a strong word, but acceptance - was shameful. He was taking comfort in his superiority over Corin, in the fact he wasn't being as vitriolic, wasn't adding as many unnecessary insults or barbs, wasn't revelling in causing Ana - who in any other context would inspire only pity and frustration, never such searing hatred and callous disregard for her life - any extra suffering.

But fuck. He was the same as Corin now.

The kind thing to do would be to shoot her in the head now, while she recovers from Corin's shot.

But Yagmur was too exhausted to work up the will.

[Lord_Shadow]

She instinctively flinched at the shot. It felt so close she could swear she had been hit. But no blood flowed. Her smug grin dropped.

Her eyes fixated on Corin. "I should have cut you down when I had the chance." She thought. If if wasn't clear before it was now. These boys were first on her list. Throw her out into the snow like the cowards they are. See what happens when she comes back.

She gripped the railing. She waited to hear what they wanted her to do. Her eyes never left the stupid boy who shot at her.

[Serpico]

“You have never, ever, behaved like a real human being since I have met you.” He said.

Corin seemed to be looking down at her from his position. His hands fumbled with the bolt, ejecting the brass. It landed on the ground with a soft thud and rolled towards her. He slid a fresh new bullet into the chamber, this one was just for her.

“I want you stop behaving like a fucking animal.” He honestly would have shrieked it if he had that much energy in him at the time.

“Beg Anzu for forgiveness.”

He was getting impatient, tired, sick of everything.

“Make it up to her.”

His finger rested on the guard of the trigger as he pointed back at her again.

“Beg.”

[General Goose]

So there was even more history between the two than he knew about.

That was good to know, Yagmur supposed. At one point Ana could have killed Corin, but she didn't. Maybe that spoke to a higher morality or compassion beneath the insanity. Maybe it spoke to how far she had fallen.

Or maybe she was just delusional.

He wouldn't know, but that seemed like a good operating theory.

He didn't like what Corin was doing. Partly because he still was clinging to his own pre-TV morality. Partly because he may have thought it was well-deserved, but because it was still uncomfortable to see such humiliation and threatening in the flesh, and sit back and condone it with inaction.

Partly because he envied Corin.

It'd be great, wouldn't it? To force Ana to apologise for her irreverence, for her disregard for others, for her falling so gleefully for the worst kind of insanity. To force Ana to apologise for her cruel disrespect towards Bella.

Yep, it was envy.

But he'd pretend it was morality, and so he put on a show of mild discomfort.

For the people at home.

[Lord_Shadow]

"Sorry." She smiled weakly. "Sorry your friend died and I did my vile ritual with her blood." She looked at Yagmur. "Sorry your friend died and I did nothing to help her."

She closed her eyes. "And sorry that I'm not really sorry. I really am sorry for that. My empathy is a little beyond gone now. So, again, sorry."

She opened them again and looked back at Corin.

"Please don't shoot me. I deserve it but I don't want to die just yet. At least, not alone."

[Serpico]

To Corin those words seemed so empty. Sorry, but I’m not sorry wasn’t quite good enough for him to derive any significant satisfaction or appease him. Furthermore, the fact that she could identify the problem simply told him that she was just fine with how she was. If he’d have known of Yagmur’s thoughts, he’d have told him that an apology at gun point meant nothing. She was simply trying to continue living and that was it, there wasn’t much space for other interpretation.

It irked him. Things like that made him question if she was really crazy at all or if it was her own careful attempt at branding.

His cheeks visibly started to tint red, his blood boiling from the backhanded apology.

“I should have kicked your ass into the sun when I had the chance, huh?” He spoke in a simmering tone.

He didn’t care or expect her to remember something he’d said the day before, but he remembered what he said just fine enough for the both of them. His finger slid off the guard, resting on the trigger as the thought of ignoring her plea crossed his mind and lingered there, only teasing. Despite that, his finger never pulled it beyond the threshold. He felt so tired, that even his wrath started to seem subdued. His body, his entire nervous system couldn’t keep with that kind of strain forever.

“You’re a really sad human being and I can’t believe I felt pity for you once.”  He admitted.

He was telling her this, not because he felt like she deserved it, but because he wanted her to know what he truly thought of her. She was low, she was pathetic, and she was regret in a lot of different ways. Her presence reminded him of that, and she needed to disappear. She said she didn’t want to die alone, but arguably being pushed outside in the snow was worse than simply being shot with two people surrounding her.

“I felt bad for you.”

She didn’t make much sense, but he couldn’t recall a time when she ever did.

“Get out.” He tilted his head, gesturing to the door.

“And don’t so much as turn back.”

[General Goose]

At this point Yagmur wished he had a rifle.

Or a shotgun.

Not for any practical reasons. In fact, one of his hands was missing fingers, the other bore a permanently-aching deep wound. He was also completely out of whack sleeping-wise (he didn't even know how many days had passed), and for the first time in his life genuinely felt malnourished, a rather unpleasant feeling no doubt exacerbated by the very mild intoxication setting in.

The heavier and more powerful the weapon, the worse it'd be for him in a combat scenario which, to be frank, was inevitable sooner rather than later.

But he'd be able to look more intimidating. He wouldn't have to hold his rather small pistol up, get his posture and positioning just right, to still look a threat. He could just hold his gun, quite casually, and still carry some authoritative air, some semblance of rugged manliness or autonomy.

"Go," he added as a mere echo to Corin's sentiment, using all his energy to hide up the underlying meekness.

[Lord_Shadow]

She made her way to the nearest exit. She walked calmly and purposefully. She felt her body getting colder as she approached the outside.

She opened the door and the storm greeted her. "Should have shot me. That's your mistake." She smiled as her words were drowned out by the howling wind.

She stepped out and let the cold fill her.

((Anastasia Arcadia never left. She simply showed up at the endgame))

[Serpico]

He could only hear part of it, but he understood the general sentiment.

“I know.” His words likely never met her ears, drowned out by the howls of the winds.

Now that she was gone, his attention came to Yagmur. He eyed him tiredly, the purpose for them to work together had faded through that door way.

“It’s over now so...”

The words hung as Corin did not hint anymore about what he was thinking, he only peered over at Yagmur’s face before breaking contact. His weakness and inability to shoot her on sight, that rising bile like feeling in the pit of his abdomen, that told him that he had done wrong. He didn’t think that Yagmur needed a window into that; their bond was only superficial after all.

For the moment he was just worn out, he’d done enough for the day.

“I want to be alone.”

He didn’t hesitate to leave Yagmur, or even stop to listen to his response. If anything, it was easy to tell that he was eager to leave him.

((Corin Albanesi – Continued in end game))

[General Goose]

She left.

That was good.

Some cold air hit him as she departed, but he didn't visibly shiver.

Good.

Corin left too.

He thought that was good. Maybe. He didn't know. He didn't know where he stood with Corin.

Or anyone else for that matter.

He needed a drink.

((Yagmur continued in endgame))