The Sense Of Me

[Primrosette]

((Austin Song continued from The deep-sea can be fathomed, but who knows the hearts of men?))

Dear Mum,

I'm sorry for making a mess out of all the stones that I failed to perfect for you and myself. I really wanted to make you proud of me, even when you just always smiled and you told me that it was okay to fail and that I can learn from all my mistakes. I'm sorry for all the times I was too quiet and I couldn't tell you how I was personally feeling. I'm sorry for.... let's be honest, I'm likely never coming back home again. I can see you sitting there, worried sick and crying. Trying to be strong for Carron, Rhys and Dad. You will feel like you have failed me for what happened. But I will never blame you for any of this, Mum. It's okay. I'm the one to blame for my own mistakes and hey, maybe I will learn from them. Thanks, Mum, really. I love you, Mum.

Dear Dad,

Now I wasn't as close to you as I wanted to be, Dad. You were always a bumbling bear who sometimes didn't understand how I really was and you sometimes said the wrong things. But you never meant anything bad by those words. Sometimes tough love was needed, right? You tried so hard. You would sometimes watch some horror movies even if they scared the hell out of you, you would check out my photos and listen to me as I talked about them passionately even if you never had any interest in photography and you just tried to support me every step of the way. Thanks for being there, Dad. I love you, Dad.

Dear Carron,

Hey, sis. Looks like I might not be the one in charge of you and Rhys anymore. Haha, bad joke, right? But you were always a small, mature girl for your age and you could always protect yourself after all those karate lessons. You were looking to become a nurse, right? I hope that your dream job becomes true, you know. You were always the most more caring one of us all and I can see you as the strongest one right now. I can see you trying to cheer everyone up and keeping everyone's morale up. You were always a lot brave now than when you were a small child, Carron. I believe in you, sis. Thanks for always being so loving and sweet, Carron. I love you, sister.

Dear Rhys,

Hey, bro. You were always more of the shy one, weren't you? I can see you getting angry at the world for being so unfair for taking me away, but I don't want you to feel like that at all. No, I want you to be a happy person, even if I will never be there anymore. I want you to become what you always wanted to be, Rhys. I don't want to see you go down a spiral of hate and despair. I wish I could see your portrait photography right now. But it's going to be okay. Just trust me, Rhys. You can survive without me by your side. You can be strong, Rhys. Thank you for always being so supportive and loyal, Rhys. I really mean it. I love you, brother.

Dear Me,

Hey, me. So I don't really have much to say to you, Austin. But yeah, you really want to live for your family and you know that things could end up badly. You need to be honest with yourself. You're going to suffer even if you do survive all of this. Hell, you will get even therapy if you had to. No, you would want to. To forget all the pain, to get rid of the guilt that you are currently feeling while walking through the rainforest with Jen. You have no idea how things will really go in the future. You just want to see who will live and who will die in the end. You really feel lost, don't you, Austin? I don't love me, Austin.

The sense of me....

Just how long will all of this last?

((Austin Song continued in Inner Animal))