Molly McKenzie

[Irina Ivanov]

Name: Molly McKenzie
Gender: Female
Age: 17
Grade: 12
School: Saint Editha Academy
Hobbies and Interests: English, Debating, Swimming, Video games, Athletics

Appearance: Molly has an average appearance and build, while she isn’t bad looking, her often cited beauty is only attested to hours of makeup and picking the trendiest clothes. Molly is 169cm, 60kg and is somewhat curvy, mostly around the hips. Her hair is light blonde and cut quite short, it is longer at the front then it is at the back, with the back being at neck length and the front shoulder length. Her chelsea cut is very uneven and asymmetrical, with some strands of hair covering others, the right side being longer and so on. This extends to her fringe, which covers her whole forehead except for a few areas that are shorter. Molly has a chubby face, with a pointy chin and a straight nose. Her eyes are quite large, circular, and are blue. She is white, but a bit tanned due to being outdoors. Outside of school, Molly wears trendy, up to date clothes such as shorts and croptops. At school she wears her uniform quite messily but usually not enough to be scolded by teachers, she does things like loosen up her tie, let her hair down and undo some buttons. She did so similarly on the day of the abduction, wearing a messy uniform with a tie that’s too big for her, a skirt too short and a headband on her head.

Biography: Born to a middle class family, neither poor nor rich, Molly was in a family of 5. Her mother Tess, her father John, her older sister Diana, and her younger brothers Henry. Diana is the typical good child, and is currently studying to be a lawyer at university, she is a source of Molly’s ire, due to her meekness and talent, have skipped a grade. Therefore Diana is actually quite young for a university student, 19, in fact. 16 year old Henry, however, is completely the opposite, an introverted, sporty boy with erratic habits, who has the tendency to freak people out with his perverted behaviour. Molly has since denied that Henry is her brother, and refuses to talk to him at school. Not that Henry really cares, since he doesn't mind what others think of him. He does whatever he wants with no thoughts about anyone else, and is often considered obnoxious for his energy and behaviour. Tess and John are both loving parents, who do everything for their children, and due to them being both actors, are good at keeping their emotions down during a disagreement, for their children. Both of them are relatively well-known actors, having had starred in a few famous productions and plays.

Molly grew up as the middle, the ignored one. They treated her the same as any other, but she was always envious of them paying attention to Diana’s grades and Henry’s troublemaking instead of her. They loved her as much as the others, but due to her being not as attention grabbing then her siblings, they couldn’t find a reason to give her more attention then the other two. Molly turned this bitterness to her siblings, and then to school.

When it came to Diana, Molly often harassed her older sister with insults and passive-agressive remarks out of jealousy, and as the good child, Diana always tried her best to endure it instead, only letting out her stress privately. Diana was to her parents and peers eyes, a perfect child, but Diana secretly was stressed and people-pleasing, and took it out on herself and surroundings. Diana was a high achiever, and they only expected higher of her. Molly likely picked up her cheery, confident but fake facade from Diana, as she sometimes walked in on Diana, and was scared when her usually cheerful sister turned into an easily irritated woman who took out her anger on objects. So Molly ultimately wasn't too different from Diana, despite her envying her sister for being favoured.

Molly was not particularly special at school, and she hated that fact. She didn’t achieve high grades, and didn’t want to start being a delinquent, for she was too scared to get any sort of attention that was bad. She began to spend time in the library to read books instead of interacting with others.

Molly is sheltered from the world, since she has a fragile personality that can’t take anything interfering with her perfect world. She wanted everything to be going as she wanted, and didn’t want to accept facts she didn't like. Once she began to take interest in reading, she learnt about the harsher parts of world. She learned about war and war crimes, and the dictatorship of America. America was to her, this evil empire that warred on Britain so they could take over the world. However, what scared her most was the amount of death. Soldiers being killed, and famous people dying with lots of attention, while ordinary people died with no fanfare. She learnt that in a population of seven billion, that it was impossible to be special.

Molly couldn't take the facts that the world was cruel. When she learnt the grim reality of life, she acted differently. Molly became took on a fake persona much like her sister, and hid her feelings, she still continues to this day. Refusing to accept the truth, putting her mind to rising above others, thinking that she’ll make a impact on this world if she became popular. Molly hid her feelings so others wouldn't think her as sheltered and weak, Molly wanted to be strong, and if she let others know her feelings of inferiority, then she wouldn't be. It was much easier to hide her feelings away, rather then confront them.

Once she entered high school, things became easier for her. Her good looks and confident behaviour made her popular. She joined up on the swim team, and through training and determination to beat others, became very fit, so she won a fair share of tournaments and cross countries. Molly however, actually didn’t care about sport, and has no favourite or least favourite sport, the thing she was looking for, was the attention. However, Molly mainly participated in the swim team, as she was the best at it, although she likes to do other sports and joined up on others occasionally. She knew people in the swim team were popular, and through making friends in high position, general popularity and being in the swim team, Molly finally got into the place she wanted to be. She’s one of the more popular girls in school, and her confidence got her many followers. And a few people who have a crush on her, due to her confidence and her body being all showed off during swimming trials.

Currently, there is only one sport she hasn't tried out, and that is hockey. This is because she'll end up on the same team as Henry, who is already unpopular as he is. Henry, while very fit and good at hockey, does not have very much friends. That is because of his strange behaviour. He spends most of his time by himself practising hockey and other interests, but when someone tries to talk to him, he pays no attention to them.

However, sometimes, he lets out and his thoughts and desires loudly and obnoxiously, without anyone telling him to do so. An example is that he normal by himself, but as soon as his crush walks by, he begins to flirt and charm them. However, as his hygiene is poor and he has problems with crossing social boundaries, such as groping a girl or talking about taboo subjects, he only causes the girl to avoid him. Molly tries to avoid him at school, since she knows that her brother is very spontaneous, and could harm her reputation, should he come up suddenly and talk to her about inappropriate subjects.

Unfortunately, due to events back home like Henry coming to school and Diana getting into a good university, Molly’s bitterness came back. Although Molly had always been the type of person to laugh and mock those who were freaks or unpopular, this time, she became more vicious. What was once simple trashtalking became a campaign to ruin a person’s reputation, just because the preps thought they were strange, Due to her popularity and influence, it’s likely more then one hipster or nerd holds grudges against her for their reputation getting ruined. The motive for all this was petty. Molly wanted to feel superior to others, to conceal the fact that she still wants to deny reality.

Molly first started bullying others soon after she became popular, around the end of her first year. After a stressful day of being on the swim team, Molly lost the tournament and was quite angry about it. She walked through the computer club and found a boy who she didn't like in there. The boy was someone who was on his devices often, preferred less mainstream hobbies and disliked going outside. Molly saw the boy with a group of girls who had similar interests, and they were gossiping about her loss and laughing about it. Angered by them mocking her hard work and loss, Molly spread rumours about them, and soon enough, the cruel rumours spread across the entire school.

Molly is hypocritical in her bullying. For her, it’s alright for her to be popular, but for some others, they were what she called, brainwashed sheep. It’s alright for her to get relatively low grades, but the ones who did get failing grades were delinquents. Those who had too many boyfriends were cows, and those who got high grades were teacher's pets. Due to this, her bold attitude became even more harder to oppose, since she’ll always be able to find arguments against everybody. She knows that she isn't as different to those she dislikes as she thinks, but Molly, just like her true feelings, ignored it and avoided people who called out her hypocrisy.

One thing that has shocked her, is one of her new hobbies. She has always been mocking of those who like video games, especially less popular, mainstream games, and Molly had promised herself that she wouldn’t get involved in anything that someone she didn't lile liked. But one day, during a party, she was challenged to play a video game, and found herself enjoying it, and being good at it. Nowadays, she still likes video games, but since she knows that playing them publicly would make her a hypocrite, it’s a secret hobby of hers. Molly can be sometimes seen at the video game shop, hiding her face, and claiming that she’s buying for her brother if she’s caught.

Molly prefers to play alone, so no one would know about her hobby, although she does play online mass multiplayer roleplaying games. However even then, she is very distant from other players. Her favourite games are hack and slash games, due to the satisfaction she feels destroying enemies. She only plays action or platformer games, and dislikes story-heavy games or visual novels. Molly also prefers that her action games are light-hearted, as darker, more serious games weigh her down. Overall, Molly is not looking for escapism or a thoughtful game, she is simply playing games because she likes it and think it’s fun.

One of the few subjects in school she actually likes is English. Molly loves debating and prose. With prose, it was a way to vent out all the thoughts in her head, and make them look pretty with rhymes and big words, to to mention, she always found poetry pretty and pleasant to read. On debating, as said before, Molly likes getting the upper hand, and watching her opponent scramble for words was satisfying. Although she only got involved in English for her own purpose, once she realised that she got high grades in the subject, Molly began really enjoying English.

However, she does not excel at any other subject, only achieving enough to pass. Molly doesn’t personally care much for school and prefers to be at events and hanging out with friends rather then learn. Because of this, most of the teachers don’t like her very much, thinking of her as lazy. This may also come from Molly not wanting to learn anything that would ruin her view of the world.

Another thing that makes some of the teachers dislike Molly, is that some of them found out her bullying. In the past, as her bullying were limited to others spreading rumours that she started and cyber bullying on anonymous accounts. But recently, her acts have gotten far more nasty, with some incidents even ending in physical wounds. Because of this, Molly has been in trouble a few times, although she's usually smart enough to be careful not to let it out. One incident at the middle of last year resulted in a cafeteria fight, but Molly was able to blame it on one of her friends instead. Her second and most recent one had her release a boy's personal information online out of spite, and Molly was only able to get away with it through lying and crocodile tears. Although most of the school believe Molly has changed, some, especially teachers, are still suspicious.

Since Molly is so focused on being popular and famous at school, she has very few plans on what to do after school. It might be because she doesn't want to face the adult world yet, preferring to stay in the school life. Since her formerly successful sister Diana is currently struggling with university, Molly knows that she won't do much better. One of the few things she has decided on is to get a job that will get her money and fame, such as being an actor like her parents. Although being an actor is her first choice of a job, she is not considering it too much, as she has heard that being an actor is a very stressful job. She used to consider being an athlete, until she realised that it was too stressful, and most athletes didn't usually get famous. Molly wants to do less academic jobs, as her grades probably won't get her into a university. Her parents wouldn't really mind. They like their jobs, and would be supportive of their daughter if she decided to join the acting business as well.

Underneath the confidence and charm, Molly still retains that low self-esteem. She wants to be important, and make an impact on the world. The fact that she, like many others, will live and die with no fame, is something she knows, but refuses to accept. So, that’s her reason for making fun of those she considers lower to her, to give her ego a boost, knowing that there are people that are more inferior to her. This is also the reason for her attention seeking and wanting to be popular.

Advantages: Molly is athletic, and physically excels, which means she will be able to endure the program longer than others. Molly is socially competent, and will likely be able to get some allies, especially due to her popularity, so most students would know her. Molly, despite her grades, is also relatively intelligent. Due to her being desperate to make a difference and survive, she will likely have not as much hesitation doing more immoral actions, unlike some others.
Disadvantages: Although she is popular with the people quite high on the social totem, to the people she bullied, she’s a mean girl, and she probably won’t be making friends with anybody she mocked and bullied. Her biggest disadvantage is her fragile worldview. Molly knows she is not significant on the grand scale, but refuses to believe it, and this belief is very sensitive, even a little hint about it makes her insecure, so she'll be unlikely to adapt to the game. This is also because whenever someone questions her worldview, she lashes out and becomes more aggressive towards them.

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Hey Irina! Molly is DENIED as this profile appears identical to the previous one, meaning that all of the requested edits still stand. In lieu of copying the entire thing over, here's a link to the original critique.

Apologies about the long wait in addressing this, and thanks for your patience. As always, feel free to PM me if you have any questions or concerns, and post in here once you've made the changes so Molly can get another look.

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Alright, I've given Molly a second look based on what you told me in PM; apologies for the misunderstanding.

Molly is indeed looking better, but there are still a few things that need to be addressed before she can be approved.

Since swimming is Molly's main sport, go ahead and change "Sport" in her hobbies list to "swim team" or something like that for clarity. You can also include "exercising" or "athletics" or such if you want to allude to the fact that she plays other sports from time to time.

Molly still needs a paragraph on her post-school plans (going to university, getting a job, undecided, etc.)

That should about do it, actually. Post in here once you've made those changes, and I'll give Molly another go!

[Irina Ivanov]

Since Molly is so focused on being popular and famous at school, she has very few plans on what to do after school. It might be because she doesn't want to face the adult world yet, preferring to stay in the school life. Since her formerly successful sister Diana is currently struggling with university, Molly knows that she won't do much better. One of the few things she has decided on is to get a job that will get her money and fame, such as being an actor like her parents. Although being an actor is her first choice of a job, she is not considering it too much, as she has heard that being an actor is a very stressful job. She used to consider being an athlete, until she realised that it was too stressful, and most athletes didn't usually get famous. Molly wants to do less academic jobs, as her grades probably won't get her into a university. Her parents wouldn't really mind. They like their jobs, and would be supportive of their daughter if she decided to join the acting business as well.

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Done!

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APPROVED