The Murky Depths

[aristeia*]

(Stephanie Moon continued from Aimless )

It felt like she had been running for hours since her argument with Jas. A mass of confused thoughts had ran through her head each vying for her attention. She ran until her mind screamed at her to stop, her muscles aching. As she slumped against a tree she was struck by a wave of tiredness, she realised that she hadn’t slept since the start of this whole tragedy. She crawled onto her side using her bag as a pillow. Despite her tiredness sleep eluded her as images and thoughts rushed unbidden through her head. The image of Brigid’s death which seemed stained indelibly on her conscience returned allowing her no respite or sleep. Now she was joined by Jas, both figures looking accusingly at her. The announcement had scared her as the people she had spent time with were dead, as if it were her fault and as if it was inevitable. Her attempts at sleep had been troubled to say the least and if anything she felt more tired than she had before. Physical and mental exhaustion piled on top of each other and she knew if she didn’t leave now she would probably just crawl into a hole and stop moving entirely.

Despite nothing productive happening she had spent a lot of time and she feared someone would kill her if she stayed in the same spot too much longer. Her feet seemed to move of their own accord and before she really knew it she found herself back in the pines, where this whole downward spiral had started. Perhaps subconsciously she had hoped that coming face to face with her trauma would give some kind of closure. She could apologise to Brigid for her failure and then it would be alright, however just looking at the stiff cold body extinguished any such hope. Apologising seemed so meaningless, so pointless, a completely empty gesture. Sitting there her mind inevitably turned to darker themes, the futility and fragility of life. She sat there lost in thought trying to come up with a plan, for both survival and protect the people she cared about.

After another few hours Steph dragged her numb, exhausted body off the ground and continued to wander aimlessly through the valley. She really wasn’t in the mood for company and so had warily avoided anyone she saw. The locations seemed to roll into one for her as she wandered lost in thought around the valley. After hours of being completely lost she finally got to a lake, realising that she wasn’t getting anywhere and attracted by its quiet serenity she decided to stop and take stock.

Steph looked out over the dark shimmering lake; in any other circumstances it would have been beautiful. Absentmindedly she skimmed a small pebble across the lake, watching it slowly lose momentum and sink into the depths. She groaned to herself, she couldn’t help but draw parallels between the stone and her own time in the valley: slowly losing momentum before finally being dragged under. She didn’t want to die, after all there was so much she had wanted to accomplish and hadn’t. She guessed few people actually wanted to die. Her thoughts turned back to the program and especially the few certainties she had. It was said that death and taxes were the only two things a person could be sure of in life. She had heard the announcement it reinforced that people were playing and as such were coming for her. She heard the sound of Brigid crying for mercy and the pain in the other girl’s eyes, it haunted her. That wasn’t how she wanted to die; she wanted to die on her own terms.

In an ideal world she would just close her eyes and die there and then, painless and serene. Well in an entirely ideal world she would not be in this situation in the first place but that was beside the point. Unfortunately this was not an ideal world, the program was a true testament to that. She looked out across the lake, she supposed it was as good a method as any. It even gave her a sort of burial which would be nice. She felt tears start to roll down her cheeks as she thought of the enormity of the task, without question it was the hardest thing she ever would have to do. She ran her hand through the stones at the edge of the lake enjoying the sensation and calm for a few precious seconds. She then grabbed some of the larger rocks and added them to her backpack before putting it on her back.

She slowly waded into the lake putting up the hood of her top as she did so, she could already feel the backpack pushing her down. She shivered as her whole body made contact with the water and she started to slowly swim towards the centre of the lake with a slow rhythmic stroke. Her limbs went numb with the cold of the water and she could hardly drag herself on. Eventually the weight on her back coupled with her own exhaustion meant she began to sink. She felt her body slowly dragged under, the world slowly fading from her view. She had hoped for serenity, her life flashing before her eyes. A final touching self revelation that she shouldn’t have taken her friends and family for granted, that she had led a charmed life.

Reality proved rather different from this idealised version. As she sunk fully below the surface her brain began to panic and she started to thrash around. Her leg was trapped around some kind of plant which had been growing in the lake. Her lungs and eyes were burning as she thrashed around, she opened her mouth to scream but this simply allowed more water in. Her eyes started to glaze over and she couldn’t focus, her head tilted back looking up pleadingly at the surface. Her face was locked in an expression of horror as her lungs tried desperately to get in oxygen.

Thankfully for her she passed out at this point as her body finally completed its descent to the bottom of the lake.

F06 MOON,STEPHANIE : DECEASED

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