So like yeah Melodie was beginning to love life again. Maybe even more than she had before. Which was surprising, but not unwelcome.
Honestly, she never thought she'd get this far. She never thought that she'll be happy again, but here she was, being loved, and loving the world back. It was such an.incredibly feeling to know that the future wasn't as bleak as she deluded herself to being, actually, and even though she knew that this feeling was temporary and fleeting she still eanted to cherish it before her mood swung back down again.
The path to recovery was more like a forest that you got lost in.
How to keep moving on.
Moderator: SOTF Supers Staff
Wasn't it so unfair that she was here, actually healing, even though everybody else either came out broken or not at all? It was like survivor's guilt, but.instead of guilty she just always felt more like... really really sad.
Melodie's mom locked away all the sharp objects in her house because she thought she'd hurt herself, which was totally understandable, except for some reason she wasn't allowed to help cook for the past few weeks or so.
So she had to sit there, making salad or whatever. Putting together hand sandwiches. It really drew attention to how much sharp objects and potential weapons were in her house, especially since she actually felt kind of unsafe without anything to defend herself with now. But everybody thinks that she's going to use them on herself.
Sometimes, every knife was a weapon instead of like a integral part of the culinary arts or whatever. Every window became an escape route, every enclosed space and vehicle a death trap.
So she had to sit there, making salad or whatever. Putting together hand sandwiches. It really drew attention to how much sharp objects and potential weapons were in her house, especially since she actually felt kind of unsafe without anything to defend herself with now. But everybody thinks that she's going to use them on herself.
Sometimes, every knife was a weapon instead of like a integral part of the culinary arts or whatever. Every window became an escape route, every enclosed space and vehicle a death trap.
The lady was trying to interview her. She was shoving her microphone all up in her face and asking her questions, like, 'who did you see kill/die' and 'could this be an inside job' and finally 'are you a paid crisis actor' and Melodie was just trying to walk back home without a reporter ruining her day.
''I didn't see anyone kill anyone else,'' she lied, because she wasn't a fucking snitch and she didn't want to slander other people even though they (Astrid) BLOCKED HER.
''So you can't actually say anything? Shame.''
''You,'' Melodie started, almost furious under the weight of her patronization, ''are full of shit. The videos are literally right there on BetterGore or something like that. Straight up r/watchdeathhappen kind of websites. If you want to know, then look it up.''
''Videos are easily documented this day and age. Surely you don't think that it's actually-''
''Lady, my scars are right here,'' she said, pulling up her shirt.
''It could be from anything,'' the woman argued back, ''And don't you think that it's a little suspicious that they never caught the people responsible? Or that the students weren't in jail for 'murder?' Think about it for a second here- if it is real, then it's obvious that the government did it.''
''How the fuck did you come up with that conclusion?''
''Because,'' she said, as if it was obvious, ''it stinks of the anti-gift agenda. Consider this: If they actually wanted to conduct a survival of the fittest experiment, they wouldn't have picked a group of kids with such weak gifts.''
''First of all, 'weak' gifts are entirely dependent on circumstance and opinion. Second of all, maybe they are trying to prove their point with a mixed batch- like, you'd expect kids like Noah or Auggie to be able to kill, I dunno, like, the rest of us like Jacob, right?''
''So then it's even weirder that they actually died- you said it! It's just strange that they didn't survive, but weaker students like Astrid survived.''
Melodie could've thrown her phone at the woman right there and then.
''Oh my god, you are so gift reductionist. ''Weaker students. Holy shit.''
''It's objectively true! Anyways-''
''How dare you. How fucking dare you.''
''JUST LISTEN!''
Melodie stood still. She was actually, genuinely scared of the woman now. Not helped by the fact that she was nine foot tall and jacked as fuck, probably gift related. She was scared that the lady would just fucking kill her, and the other woman was just continuing on without even knowing how rage inducing and threatening and stupid she was.
''Alright. Look. Clearly, you're either paid too much to talk, or you've bought into the propaganda. So let me spell it out for you. The manifesto? It's made to make gifts look bad. It's supposed to push the whole all-gifts-are-equal agenda, because nobody would actually support any gift essentialism.''
''Or,'' Melodie argued back, in her head, ''You believe in gift eugenics and think that the deerstalkers are fucking right because you're soooo much better than everyone else just because your gift makes you buff. Alright, then. I see.''
What she actually said was, ''Please stop harassing me, I'm going to call the cops.''
''I didn't see anyone kill anyone else,'' she lied, because she wasn't a fucking snitch and she didn't want to slander other people even though they (Astrid) BLOCKED HER.
''So you can't actually say anything? Shame.''
''You,'' Melodie started, almost furious under the weight of her patronization, ''are full of shit. The videos are literally right there on BetterGore or something like that. Straight up r/watchdeathhappen kind of websites. If you want to know, then look it up.''
''Videos are easily documented this day and age. Surely you don't think that it's actually-''
''Lady, my scars are right here,'' she said, pulling up her shirt.
''It could be from anything,'' the woman argued back, ''And don't you think that it's a little suspicious that they never caught the people responsible? Or that the students weren't in jail for 'murder?' Think about it for a second here- if it is real, then it's obvious that the government did it.''
''How the fuck did you come up with that conclusion?''
''Because,'' she said, as if it was obvious, ''it stinks of the anti-gift agenda. Consider this: If they actually wanted to conduct a survival of the fittest experiment, they wouldn't have picked a group of kids with such weak gifts.''
''First of all, 'weak' gifts are entirely dependent on circumstance and opinion. Second of all, maybe they are trying to prove their point with a mixed batch- like, you'd expect kids like Noah or Auggie to be able to kill, I dunno, like, the rest of us like Jacob, right?''
''So then it's even weirder that they actually died- you said it! It's just strange that they didn't survive, but weaker students like Astrid survived.''
Melodie could've thrown her phone at the woman right there and then.
''Oh my god, you are so gift reductionist. ''Weaker students. Holy shit.''
''It's objectively true! Anyways-''
''How dare you. How fucking dare you.''
''JUST LISTEN!''
Melodie stood still. She was actually, genuinely scared of the woman now. Not helped by the fact that she was nine foot tall and jacked as fuck, probably gift related. She was scared that the lady would just fucking kill her, and the other woman was just continuing on without even knowing how rage inducing and threatening and stupid she was.
''Alright. Look. Clearly, you're either paid too much to talk, or you've bought into the propaganda. So let me spell it out for you. The manifesto? It's made to make gifts look bad. It's supposed to push the whole all-gifts-are-equal agenda, because nobody would actually support any gift essentialism.''
''Or,'' Melodie argued back, in her head, ''You believe in gift eugenics and think that the deerstalkers are fucking right because you're soooo much better than everyone else just because your gift makes you buff. Alright, then. I see.''
What she actually said was, ''Please stop harassing me, I'm going to call the cops.''
Sometimes she'll be calm, but most of the time there was this rage- she tried to tell her therapist about it, but she didn't want to be unstable or violent or dangerous, and she knew that everything she did or said would be scrutinized. It was better to just be passive and quiet and sad about it.
The police asked Melodie if she killed anyone, and she said no, and it was a lie, because she didn't stop Jenelle which means she didn't stop her from accidentally killing Yvette which means that maybe Astrid wouldn't have killed all these other people which means that maybe people like Austin or Kaine or whoever would still be alive, if Jenelle or Yvette would've been able to stop them, and Ana wouldn't have been killed by Astrid also. But she also thought that maybe Jenelle would've killed a lot of people.
The police was looking at her suspiciosly, though, so she didn't say all that. She just lied.
The police was looking at her suspiciosly, though, so she didn't say all that. She just lied.
There was a spiraling, decaying quality in her dreams, where her mind kept on trying to flush out all the memories of those five long days.
''Many people block out memories as a trauma response,'' the therapist said. ''Like what you said last time- it might be a form of depersonalization, where your memory isues are because of...''
''Mm-hm,'' Melodie replied, playing with the box of kinetic sand. Mom never let her buy that. Wow. The texture was so... sandy.
''-...supression of anxiety- Hey, is your mind on something else right now?''
''Uh,'' Melodie said, ''sure. What were you, uh, talking about for the last thirty seconds again? Sorry.''
''Many people block out memories as a trauma response,'' the therapist said. ''Like what you said last time- it might be a form of depersonalization, where your memory isues are because of...''
''Mm-hm,'' Melodie replied, playing with the box of kinetic sand. Mom never let her buy that. Wow. The texture was so... sandy.
''-...supression of anxiety- Hey, is your mind on something else right now?''
''Uh,'' Melodie said, ''sure. What were you, uh, talking about for the last thirty seconds again? Sorry.''
Melodie went outside to cry, now, because her gift kicked into overdrive all the time, and she wasn't sure why, but what she was sure about was that the bathroom started to stink with all the flesh and blood inside it, and she hated it, she hated her gift now, she hated the fact that gifts did this to her.
"OK, so," she explained to the cop, "I didn't actually see Astrid KILL her. I saw Astrid STEP ON her. How was I supposed to know that she's dead. She could be alive. Hell, she could be immortal for all I know- Yvette's like that. She literally doesn't have organs. She could be hit by a truck and she won't die- like, OK, fine, that was a hyperbole, but, yknow- seriously, I don't know anything about what she did! I don't know that Astrid killed other people. I was sleeping through the announcements. Yes. Most of them. Look, I went nocturnal, alright?"
"No, no, really- I just woke up and I found her exploded right besides me. No I didn't do anything to her. No I couldn't have stopped her. I was asleep. No I didn't know who else was there at the time. Yes the wounds are from the collar exploding. That's what woke me up. If you had an explosive go off near your face you wouldn't woken up to. I didn't do anything. I was sleeping. No, really. I passed out because I stayed awake for two days straight and then I ran out of rations so I was both hungry exhausted. Yes you can look at the medical records. I literally cannot shit right now, like, that's how bad it was. I'm not kidding. No I did not have a weapon, I bought it on the way out. Why? Uh, I feel really unsafe without something sharp now. Hm? I mean, I'm still kind of paranoid. Alright. Thank you. Jenelle? Uh..."
"So the croc person sounded like, uh..."
"God, no, the rock fight... that was not indicative of anything, I swear..."
After the police came the reporters and after the reporters came her parents and after her parents came the people who she interacted with like three times before who thought they had the right to ask these invasive questions and after those people she sobbed and slept for eighteen hours straight until her cat sat on her face.
Sometimes Melodie gets caught up in a loop of the past. She felt really sorry for all the people who had to deal with her when she was going through that. Yeah.
One time she drove past the police station and then thought for an hour about what she should've said to the cops that would've made them take her more seriously- and then she started playing the scenario in her head, switching up the panicked sobbing for a more coherent response, replying to the leading questions with something better than a stuttered I-don't-know and please-don't-put-me-in-jail. She didn't remember much from when she was in custody, because she was so tired and angry and exhausted and weepy, so she filled the blanks in instead, so that she would feel better about herself. She didn't want to feel like she called anyone a murderer, or that she could've helped them catch the Deerstalkers but she wasn't able to, like, what if she remembered more? Recounted it better? Would she had made a difference? Brought them to justice?
One time she drove past the police station and then thought for an hour about what she should've said to the cops that would've made them take her more seriously- and then she started playing the scenario in her head, switching up the panicked sobbing for a more coherent response, replying to the leading questions with something better than a stuttered I-don't-know and please-don't-put-me-in-jail. She didn't remember much from when she was in custody, because she was so tired and angry and exhausted and weepy, so she filled the blanks in instead, so that she would feel better about herself. She didn't want to feel like she called anyone a murderer, or that she could've helped them catch the Deerstalkers but she wasn't able to, like, what if she remembered more? Recounted it better? Would she had made a difference? Brought them to justice?
She met Austin in her dreams tonight. She made sure to clean things up for him.