“Because-”
(okay, Verity)
(you know what you need to say)
(you prepared)
(just breathe)
(and say it)
“I want to join because… because I don’t think I’m going to make it through this.”
Breath. Truth. Breath. Hard to make it seem like you weren’t telling the truth when you were actually telling the truth. That was important. She’d never actually done a job interview before but she was pretty sure ‘getting caught on the stuff everybody tried to do in job interviews’ had significantly more lethal consequences than just not getting the job so she had to… be honest. Portray the most accurate version of yourself possible, given the circumstances. Just breathe, stay calm, and keep talking.
“Kind of… kind of knew that after moment one. After I killed Timothy. I went into a room here, thought about it, and… realized who I was. Why the people up there,” she said, nudging her head towards, “put me on here. Because I was going to freak out. I was going to cause chaos. I was-”
She shook her head. No. She couldn’t let her mind wander while doing the recap. She had to keep it short. Keep it to what was actually relevant. What her prospective employers would need to hear.
“I tried to stop it. Tried to… be different. Make a friend. Do my best and keep myself calm. And then the first thing I did after that was freak out and-”
Breath. In, out. Slow. Calm. Her vision moved from the front fow to the back row. To the vague amalgamation of Vasily and Fisk to Keegan. His eyes, specifically.
“-shoot my best friend. In the stomach. I know this is unrelated and I know from, um, that one teacher we had in first grade that yelled at me that one time that sorry isn’t enough, but… I’m sorry that happened. I’m sorry I did that to you. And I… I mean that. I…”
It was a bit hard, afterwards. To get her eyes off Keegan’s. Subject had moved on to… not that, but it was still hard to look away. Disengage. Just… shrug off all that and move on.
“I found out then that I… wasn’t going to win this. The person they’re making me… doesn’t have a chance of making it out the normal way. Wouldn’t even get close to the end at my current rate. And after… shooting Keegan, I realized I don’t have what it takes to make it out the other way, either. I can’t shoot innocent people. Not like the way you all tried to kill me. I figured out all I was really destined for was to just… do stuff then die. I tried to just end it then, but… the ocean wouldn’t let me. Not like that. I’m just… here now. Without a chance. I’m just going to… walk around and do stuff until I die.”
She took a breath. Moved her eyes off Keegan specifically. Put them on the whole group, this time.
“And that’s why I want to join you.”
Breath. Pause.
“I’m going to die here. I’m… going to have to learn how to deal with that. And I’m thinking that if I want to be okay with… dying, I want to go out having… done something that mattered. And if I’m able to help Keegan and help get the one person on-”
She paused. Looked around. Beyond the group. More at the pool. The railings. The ocean, all around them.
“-whatever the fuck this arena is supposed to be that I give a shit about out, then…”
Breath.
“...then maybe I can actually make it up to him beyond just saying sorry. Maybe I could achieve something. Maybe I could be… more okay with dying here. And joining you will help me do that.”
Breath.
Pause.
Beat.
“Oh, um, need to say how to benefit, sorry, should’ve put that before all this, but…”
Breath.
“Okay. Reason how I can help you is because you’ve lost someone and if you need someone to replace them I think I can be of… help. I’ve been at this basically alone for the past day and a half and I’ve gone up against all of you, I’ve gone up against Rhonda, and I’ve gone up against… a bunch of people trying to kill each other in the bowels and I’m still here, not injured at all. Which means I can take care of myself. You don’t have to expend anything to make me function. I can do… whatever needs to be done before you have to tell me to do it. I… I know I’m going to die here, and I’m probably not okay with that yet, but if you need someone for a human shield… I’m the new person, I’m a killer, and I have no friends here. It won’t take much off your conscience to… dispose me, if you need to. And-”
A noise came out of her throat and then Verity coughed. Breathed. Coughed again.
“Sorry. Haven’t spoken this much in- in a long while. Just, um…”
Cough. Breath. Breath. Breath.
“Okay. What I wanted to say is that… I think you have enemies. The announcements said that Ivan killed Giselle for revenge and… correct me if I’m wrong, but if she was a member of your group then… then that means that she was acting on behalf of you when she did that thing to Ivan. And that he was able to get past all of you to do it. And is fully willing to kill his teammates. He’s… dangerous. And now he’s weakened you. If he comes around again, if he brings Seth’s friends or Calla’s friends or… whoever else, then…”
Breath. Pause.
“You’re going to need something new if you don’t want him to take one of you again.”
Breath.
“And I think I can be that something new.”
She unstraightened. Moved the gun from two hands to one hand and from their chest level to their leg level. Exhaled. Said one last thing, through her breath:
“For more information please refer to the attached cover letter and resume.”
With Friends Like These...
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Wham Yubeesling
- Posts: 1257
- Joined: Mon Aug 06, 2018 9:15 pm
- Location: there is a man standing behind you
- Team Affiliation: Stephanie's Buccaneers
- Contact:
Fisk raised an eyebrow at Verity’s statement. Joining the Respects? He wasn’t going to tell her why that was a no, let alone a big no. Fisk nodded his head to the side at Vasily as he told Verity all she needed to know why.
He got her to lower the gun, that was good. Vasily touched on a lot of points, or well pretty much all of them but one, but Fisk can reiterate if Verity didn’t take no for an answ-
She didn’t take no for an answer. She gave a lot of reasons why she’d be useful. She was a killer, she had nothing to live for, could do any dirty job, could be a human shield, she was disposable...
She had no friends... Fisk wanted to stop her right there, but then she brought up Ivan, implied they couldn’t handle him-
Fisk wanted to kill her right then and there for that but he let her talk, she still had her gun out. She was something “new.”
“Hey let me stop you right there.” Should’ve said that earlier when she mentioned she had no friends. “Vasily got a lot of good points there, but I wanna reiterate his question, a tad bit more bluntly, if you don’t mind.” Fisk didn’t care if Verity had minded it or not.
“See- we’re uhh, we’re not what you probably think we are. We’re not some sort of country club of rich kids playing the most dangerous game with poor people for entertainment,”
-though there was some fun in being allowed to unwind and revert to humanity’s primal instincts-
“There’s a, uhh method, to our madness if you will. As you’ve noticed, we’re uhh, we’re a rainbow by this game’s standards, and truthfully, it doesn’t seem like you really understand why.” Fisk pointed to his armband, and motioned to his compatriots bandannas.
“There’s a bigger reason why we’re all here working together, and why having you around most likely won’t work. Y’see-“
“Hey Vasily, aren’t you my best friend?”
He got her to lower the gun, that was good. Vasily touched on a lot of points, or well pretty much all of them but one, but Fisk can reiterate if Verity didn’t take no for an answ-
She didn’t take no for an answer. She gave a lot of reasons why she’d be useful. She was a killer, she had nothing to live for, could do any dirty job, could be a human shield, she was disposable...
She had no friends... Fisk wanted to stop her right there, but then she brought up Ivan, implied they couldn’t handle him-
Fisk wanted to kill her right then and there for that but he let her talk, she still had her gun out. She was something “new.”
“Hey let me stop you right there.” Should’ve said that earlier when she mentioned she had no friends. “Vasily got a lot of good points there, but I wanna reiterate his question, a tad bit more bluntly, if you don’t mind.” Fisk didn’t care if Verity had minded it or not.
“See- we’re uhh, we’re not what you probably think we are. We’re not some sort of country club of rich kids playing the most dangerous game with poor people for entertainment,”
-though there was some fun in being allowed to unwind and revert to humanity’s primal instincts-
“There’s a, uhh method, to our madness if you will. As you’ve noticed, we’re uhh, we’re a rainbow by this game’s standards, and truthfully, it doesn’t seem like you really understand why.” Fisk pointed to his armband, and motioned to his compatriots bandannas.
“There’s a bigger reason why we’re all here working together, and why having you around most likely won’t work. Y’see-“
“Hey Vasily, aren’t you my best friend?”
Catche thinks my squirrel is Fisk so here's my daily reminder that he is not.
"As far as I know? Yeah. Hope you don't have any side bitches... side BFFs?"
His face turned inquisitive for a second. Then, a grin broke out.
Oh, shit, he knew where this was going.
His face turned inquisitive for a second. Then, a grin broke out.
Oh, shit, he knew where this was going.
“Hey Bacchia, aren’t you my friend?”
Catche thinks my squirrel is Fisk so here's my daily reminder that he is not.
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Primrosette
- Posts: 902
- Joined: Wed Aug 08, 2018 1:59 pm
- Location: In Her Dark Abyss
Bacchia let out a small scoff.
"Define friend."
She smiled at Fisk knowingly.
"Define friend."
She smiled at Fisk knowingly.
Fisk smirked back. Alright smartass I’ll give you that.
“Hey Keegan, aren’t you my friend?”
“Hey Keegan, aren’t you my friend?”
Catche thinks my squirrel is Fisk so here's my daily reminder that he is not.
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MurderWeasel
- Posts: 3449
- Joined: Mon Aug 06, 2018 9:56 am
- Team Affiliation: Jewel's Leviathans
"Yeah."
Flat. Quiet. Nothing more.
Flat. Quiet. Nothing more.
“Right, thank you.” Fisk took a deep breath. “James would say the same. So would... so would Giselle...”
Fisk looked at the ground for a moment. His eyes trailed back up to Verity. “Do I need to spell it out?” He began humming a tune from a Sesame Street skit; “One of these things is not like the others...”
He pointed two fingers to Verity. “See, I could give a fuck that you whacked some doomed nobody before anyone woke up, that’s as easy as “hi Jack,” Fisk clicked his tongue as he imitated a gun going off with his hand. “Bye Jack.”
“I could give a fuck that you feel bad about what you did to Keegan. You said two things about that already. One, you shot your ‘best friend.’ And two, you have no friends.”
“Obviously those two contradict each other, but I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt, and believe one of those is true, and we both know which one that is.”
Fisk made a knife hand motion to Keegan, pointing at him. “Hey dude, I’m real sorry I gave you a bullet appendectomy. I’m sorry that if I hit you lower, you’d have to shit through a plastic bag hooked up to your belly button for the rest of your life. I’m sorry if I hit you a little more center mass, you’d never walk again. I’m sorry if I shot you a bit higher you wouldn’t be here right now.”
He paused.
“We’re still besties though right?”
Fisk turned back to Verity. “Nobody here cares that you have no purpose, or that you’re not going to make it, Verity. You’re not my friend, you’re not our friend. Guess what? FRIENDS DON’T FUCKING SHOOT FRIENDS!”
Fisk hit himself in the chest. “I would never bring myself to kill one of my friends or even attempt it! I’m doing this whole thing because they’re really the only ones that are genuine enough to deserve to go home. We all are! And I could tell you right now, that I would kill Ivan, Seth, and Jasper again to insure that, and I would do it a hundred times over.”
Fisk pointed overboard to the rest of the arena. “Fuck these people, I don’t give a shit about them. I’ll kill them again and again just to insure at least one person here with me goes home. And my friends here would do the same for one of us.”
Fisk stopped, took a breath. “Maybe you’re right though, maybe we do need reinforcements, but you certainly aren’t it. You said it yourself, you’d just meander around looking for a purpose until someone put you out of their misery. You lack conviction, let alone loyalty or commitment. There’s a surplus of killers on this arena, you’re dime a dozen there.”
“But y’know what? I appreciate that you came to us first instead of starting something for us to finish, most people just dig themselves deeper instead of realizing the folly of their ways. If you want, you’re free to walk away now, no strings attached. No bloodshed needed.”
Fisk looked at the others. “Now’s really not the time for that, anyways. Not during a funeral...”
“This isn’t a dictatorship though. You said Keegan was your ‘best friend‘ so really it’s up to him, and the rest of us to choose. If they want you around so be it, but I’ve thrown my vote in.”
“If you got something else to say to convince them, they’re all ears.”
Fisk looked at the ground for a moment. His eyes trailed back up to Verity. “Do I need to spell it out?” He began humming a tune from a Sesame Street skit; “One of these things is not like the others...”
He pointed two fingers to Verity. “See, I could give a fuck that you whacked some doomed nobody before anyone woke up, that’s as easy as “hi Jack,” Fisk clicked his tongue as he imitated a gun going off with his hand. “Bye Jack.”
“I could give a fuck that you feel bad about what you did to Keegan. You said two things about that already. One, you shot your ‘best friend.’ And two, you have no friends.”
“Obviously those two contradict each other, but I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt, and believe one of those is true, and we both know which one that is.”
Fisk made a knife hand motion to Keegan, pointing at him. “Hey dude, I’m real sorry I gave you a bullet appendectomy. I’m sorry that if I hit you lower, you’d have to shit through a plastic bag hooked up to your belly button for the rest of your life. I’m sorry if I hit you a little more center mass, you’d never walk again. I’m sorry if I shot you a bit higher you wouldn’t be here right now.”
He paused.
“We’re still besties though right?”
Fisk turned back to Verity. “Nobody here cares that you have no purpose, or that you’re not going to make it, Verity. You’re not my friend, you’re not our friend. Guess what? FRIENDS DON’T FUCKING SHOOT FRIENDS!”
Fisk hit himself in the chest. “I would never bring myself to kill one of my friends or even attempt it! I’m doing this whole thing because they’re really the only ones that are genuine enough to deserve to go home. We all are! And I could tell you right now, that I would kill Ivan, Seth, and Jasper again to insure that, and I would do it a hundred times over.”
Fisk pointed overboard to the rest of the arena. “Fuck these people, I don’t give a shit about them. I’ll kill them again and again just to insure at least one person here with me goes home. And my friends here would do the same for one of us.”
Fisk stopped, took a breath. “Maybe you’re right though, maybe we do need reinforcements, but you certainly aren’t it. You said it yourself, you’d just meander around looking for a purpose until someone put you out of their misery. You lack conviction, let alone loyalty or commitment. There’s a surplus of killers on this arena, you’re dime a dozen there.”
“But y’know what? I appreciate that you came to us first instead of starting something for us to finish, most people just dig themselves deeper instead of realizing the folly of their ways. If you want, you’re free to walk away now, no strings attached. No bloodshed needed.”
Fisk looked at the others. “Now’s really not the time for that, anyways. Not during a funeral...”
“This isn’t a dictatorship though. You said Keegan was your ‘best friend‘ so really it’s up to him, and the rest of us to choose. If they want you around so be it, but I’ve thrown my vote in.”
“If you got something else to say to convince them, they’re all ears.”
Catche thinks my squirrel is Fisk so here's my daily reminder that he is not.
-
Wham Yubeesling
- Posts: 1257
- Joined: Mon Aug 06, 2018 9:15 pm
- Location: there is a man standing behind you
- Team Affiliation: Stephanie's Buccaneers
- Contact:
Okay.
Okay.
That went… as well as it could have, really. Maybe a little bit of consideration, but mostly Fisk just doing his best to give her an epic own and make sure she got put onto SotF cringe moments compilation #902. He said that this was merely just a group of friends trying to survive the game, he said that this had nothing to do with being on the show, but the way he started beating his fists like an ape, the way his group had left Calla’s corpse… no. He was proving Verity right. Maybe that was on her because she never actually said the real stuff, but it was like… that thing in Star Trek that Keegan had told her about once. The test wasn’t graded by what was on-screen. It was graded more by what happened when it all went wrong. What you did in the moment.
Fisk hadn’t met that.
Though, in fairness, Verity hadn’t either. This job interview wasn’t exactly going great. Fisk said that it wasn’t entirely up to him, but she could see the look on all their other faces. This was trending towards failure. She was lucky she hadn’t been murdered halfway through her pitch.
Though she’d been given the floor again, for some reason. She could maybe use that. Unlikely that she’d change their minds, unlikely that she’d be allowed to stick around to give it, but maybe she could throw a wrench. Hope it clogged up the machine, rather than immediately get launched out into Verity’s face like that one dude in Final Destination.
She took a breath.
Dropped the gun completely.
Opened her mouth.
“-
Okay.
That went… as well as it could have, really. Maybe a little bit of consideration, but mostly Fisk just doing his best to give her an epic own and make sure she got put onto SotF cringe moments compilation #902. He said that this was merely just a group of friends trying to survive the game, he said that this had nothing to do with being on the show, but the way he started beating his fists like an ape, the way his group had left Calla’s corpse… no. He was proving Verity right. Maybe that was on her because she never actually said the real stuff, but it was like… that thing in Star Trek that Keegan had told her about once. The test wasn’t graded by what was on-screen. It was graded more by what happened when it all went wrong. What you did in the moment.
Fisk hadn’t met that.
Though, in fairness, Verity hadn’t either. This job interview wasn’t exactly going great. Fisk said that it wasn’t entirely up to him, but she could see the look on all their other faces. This was trending towards failure. She was lucky she hadn’t been murdered halfway through her pitch.
Though she’d been given the floor again, for some reason. She could maybe use that. Unlikely that she’d change their minds, unlikely that she’d be allowed to stick around to give it, but maybe she could throw a wrench. Hope it clogged up the machine, rather than immediately get launched out into Verity’s face like that one dude in Final Destination.
She took a breath.
Dropped the gun completely.
Opened her mouth.
“-
-
MurderWeasel
- Posts: 3449
- Joined: Mon Aug 06, 2018 9:56 am
- Team Affiliation: Jewel's Leviathans
"Let her."
Keegan wasn't sure whether he was more surprised to find himself standing, or to hear his voice ringing out, calm but shaky. His lips and teeth were dry, even though he'd just had some Gatorade a few minutes ago. His tongue dragged against the roof of his mouth, sticking and tugging as it adhered against the skin, that tiny nothing pain that still pulled his focus somehow.
Behind him, he heard the flutter of wings as the seagulls took flight. The light beyond his umbrella sanctuary glittered from pool and ice cream cart and gun. Keegan looked to Fisk, to Verity, to the others. He couldn't even begin to explain what he was feeling.
"Let her stay," he said. "For now at least."
He took a step forward, reached up and adjusted his glasses, kept the grimace from the pain in his side off his face. He wanted nothing more than to explain all his reasoning to the rest of his allies—his friends—to spell it out point by point in some logical, meticulous fashion. If he could do that, maybe he'd be able to understand it himself.
He'd been so certain that the way forward was to cast aside old ties, to sever connections that were traps and weaknesses. On some level, he still thought that was the answer. But it wasn't really about living or dying. It certainly wasn't about what Verity seemed to be offering him. That was its whole own can of worms, one to be pushed to the back of the fridge and maybe never opened up.
He wasn't even totally sure what it was about. Maybe afternoons years ago that didn't matter anymore, lying on the carpet of his room looking at the ceiling and talking about nothing.
If push came to shove, he knew where his loyalties had to lie. Was it a futile hope that inevitability could be headed off?
"There's some... stuff we need to sort out, I guess," he said. "But this is what I want."
Was it really?
Keegan wasn't sure whether he was more surprised to find himself standing, or to hear his voice ringing out, calm but shaky. His lips and teeth were dry, even though he'd just had some Gatorade a few minutes ago. His tongue dragged against the roof of his mouth, sticking and tugging as it adhered against the skin, that tiny nothing pain that still pulled his focus somehow.
Behind him, he heard the flutter of wings as the seagulls took flight. The light beyond his umbrella sanctuary glittered from pool and ice cream cart and gun. Keegan looked to Fisk, to Verity, to the others. He couldn't even begin to explain what he was feeling.
"Let her stay," he said. "For now at least."
He took a step forward, reached up and adjusted his glasses, kept the grimace from the pain in his side off his face. He wanted nothing more than to explain all his reasoning to the rest of his allies—his friends—to spell it out point by point in some logical, meticulous fashion. If he could do that, maybe he'd be able to understand it himself.
He'd been so certain that the way forward was to cast aside old ties, to sever connections that were traps and weaknesses. On some level, he still thought that was the answer. But it wasn't really about living or dying. It certainly wasn't about what Verity seemed to be offering him. That was its whole own can of worms, one to be pushed to the back of the fridge and maybe never opened up.
He wasn't even totally sure what it was about. Maybe afternoons years ago that didn't matter anymore, lying on the carpet of his room looking at the ceiling and talking about nothing.
If push came to shove, he knew where his loyalties had to lie. Was it a futile hope that inevitability could be headed off?
"There's some... stuff we need to sort out, I guess," he said. "But this is what I want."
Was it really?
-
Wham Yubeesling
- Posts: 1257
- Joined: Mon Aug 06, 2018 9:15 pm
- Location: there is a man standing behind you
- Team Affiliation: Stephanie's Buccaneers
- Contact:
...Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
She
was going to shut her mouth. For now. See what… see what the others said. Maybe she’d have an opportunity to throw her wrench later.
Maybe.
She really didn’t know at this point.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
She
was going to shut her mouth. For now. See what… see what the others said. Maybe she’d have an opportunity to throw her wrench later.
Maybe.
She really didn’t know at this point.
-
Primrosette
- Posts: 902
- Joined: Wed Aug 08, 2018 1:59 pm
- Location: In Her Dark Abyss
Bacchia just listened to this whole disaster of whatever it was supposed to be and it seemed like she was the only one still seated in place. She wasn't going to bother getting up. Honestly it was Bacchia's fault as much as Verity's that Keegan got shot in the first place. And now it seemed like Keegan wanted to give Verity a chance to possibly redeem herself.
Bacchia really wanted to tell Verity to get lost and never show her face to them again.
But....
"Bullshit, Verity."
She let out a small tsking noise and then she shook her head, letting out a sigh of frustration.
"Don't make me regret this, Keegan." She whispered that so only he could hear her and she wanted to make up for her own mistake anyway.
She turned her attention back to Verity who was being all quiet now. "You don't have any friends, huh? Well, you're lucky that Keegan is still willing to have you around as much as I would like you to disappear." She said honestly as she set down the bottle on top of her bag that was beside her seat and she cleared her throat. "On his behalf, I will say.... you can stay with us for now."
She then scowled a little.
"Make sure not to let Keegan down. Otherwise, I will make you regret it."
Bacchia really wanted to tell Verity to get lost and never show her face to them again.
But....
"Bullshit, Verity."
She let out a small tsking noise and then she shook her head, letting out a sigh of frustration.
"Don't make me regret this, Keegan." She whispered that so only he could hear her and she wanted to make up for her own mistake anyway.
She turned her attention back to Verity who was being all quiet now. "You don't have any friends, huh? Well, you're lucky that Keegan is still willing to have you around as much as I would like you to disappear." She said honestly as she set down the bottle on top of her bag that was beside her seat and she cleared her throat. "On his behalf, I will say.... you can stay with us for now."
She then scowled a little.
"Make sure not to let Keegan down. Otherwise, I will make you regret it."
'Fisk,' he almost said, 'Tone it down a little. It was an accident.'
He kept quiet, though. And waited. Smiled when she dropped the gun.
He nodded even though there wasn’t anything to nod at.
''Can I… jump in?''
One step forward.
“Uh, OK, time for me to get serious. Verity. I don’t know how to put it this way, but you know that if you really do plan on dying with us, it’s gonna be an awful death, right? Just getting this through. If you want to end it, a lot better for us to do it quickly for you than to rack up a body count and more enemies. Like, I don't know you, but I know Keegan cares about you so I guess I'm just saying this to spare you the trouble.''
Vasily didn’t really know why he was saying this.
(Do you think Timothy would’ve wanted this?)
He moved in. Arms in front of him, one hand over the other, like benevolence.
“Even if you are trustworthy, which you kinda aren’t- this isn’t something to feel good about, Verity. The harder you fight, with us, the harder knowing that you might die will become, knowing all the stuff you did to survive.''
Fingers cracked around each other as he stretched.
A deep breath.
He let the words marinate in his mind- Fisk's screaming and Bacchia's edgy threats and Keegan's odd quiet acceptance and his own speech.
“If you wanna join us, if you wanna do anything, really- you have to try to survive. Can you… Can you just promise me that for a sec? If not for your sake, then our sake if you really wanna join.”
He held up his hands.
“Try to think about that for a sec. You’re… you’re gonna be somebody who we have to be close to, emotionally invested in- and the audience, too. We don’t want anyone disposable to just join in- that goes against our whole thing. Almost everything you said goes against our whole thing, really. I don't think you get us very well. We aren't cold sociopaths looking to exploit- well, we are, but… it's a role we have to play. Or, I guess I can say it was forced''
Vasily was terrified that it wasn't forced for him.
Heels spinning, he turned back to look at Fisk.
He turned back to Verity.
Arms out- like a hug, or like somebody demonstrating a particularly large, grand thing.
“Correct me if I fucked up.''
Shoes tap-tapped against the floor.
''And also, you're coughing a lot…''
He kept quiet, though. And waited. Smiled when she dropped the gun.
He nodded even though there wasn’t anything to nod at.
''Can I… jump in?''
One step forward.
“Uh, OK, time for me to get serious. Verity. I don’t know how to put it this way, but you know that if you really do plan on dying with us, it’s gonna be an awful death, right? Just getting this through. If you want to end it, a lot better for us to do it quickly for you than to rack up a body count and more enemies. Like, I don't know you, but I know Keegan cares about you so I guess I'm just saying this to spare you the trouble.''
Vasily didn’t really know why he was saying this.
(Do you think Timothy would’ve wanted this?)
He moved in. Arms in front of him, one hand over the other, like benevolence.
“Even if you are trustworthy, which you kinda aren’t- this isn’t something to feel good about, Verity. The harder you fight, with us, the harder knowing that you might die will become, knowing all the stuff you did to survive.''
Fingers cracked around each other as he stretched.
A deep breath.
He let the words marinate in his mind- Fisk's screaming and Bacchia's edgy threats and Keegan's odd quiet acceptance and his own speech.
“If you wanna join us, if you wanna do anything, really- you have to try to survive. Can you… Can you just promise me that for a sec? If not for your sake, then our sake if you really wanna join.”
He held up his hands.
“Try to think about that for a sec. You’re… you’re gonna be somebody who we have to be close to, emotionally invested in- and the audience, too. We don’t want anyone disposable to just join in- that goes against our whole thing. Almost everything you said goes against our whole thing, really. I don't think you get us very well. We aren't cold sociopaths looking to exploit- well, we are, but… it's a role we have to play. Or, I guess I can say it was forced''
Vasily was terrified that it wasn't forced for him.
Heels spinning, he turned back to look at Fisk.
He turned back to Verity.
Arms out- like a hug, or like somebody demonstrating a particularly large, grand thing.
“Correct me if I fucked up.''
Shoes tap-tapped against the floor.
''And also, you're coughing a lot…''
Well...
Alright.
Fisk did say it wasn’t up to him. Very well...
“I don’t like this...” Fisk pinched his nose. There were at least ten other people not included in The Respects that he’d trust more than Verity, and a couple were already dead.
“Alright well, congratulations you get to hang around us, but you’re not a Respect, not yet at least.” There was going to be a catch, if Verity wanted to stick around, she had to pull her own weight.
“See Vasily hit the nail on the head, and that’s why I don’t trust you. He says you should at least try as hard as possible for yourself, but I believe that’s bullshit. If you really want to JOIN the Respects, you’re going to have to try as hard as possible FOR the Respects. As I’ve said, my impression of you is that you lack commitment, loyalty, and conviction, and that hasn’t changed.”
“But; I will allow you to stay on the condition that, if you don’t do this for us, you at least do it for Keegan, considering that he’s the only reason you’re still here right now, capiche?”
Fisk looked to behind him out into the arena. He looked back at Verity. “I’m thinking though, that we need some proof that you’re the real deal, and that you’re not tugging us along.” He looked to the other Respects.
“Am I wrong? We need to test her before just saying ‘welcome aboard’ right?“
Alright.
Fisk did say it wasn’t up to him. Very well...
“I don’t like this...” Fisk pinched his nose. There were at least ten other people not included in The Respects that he’d trust more than Verity, and a couple were already dead.
“Alright well, congratulations you get to hang around us, but you’re not a Respect, not yet at least.” There was going to be a catch, if Verity wanted to stick around, she had to pull her own weight.
“See Vasily hit the nail on the head, and that’s why I don’t trust you. He says you should at least try as hard as possible for yourself, but I believe that’s bullshit. If you really want to JOIN the Respects, you’re going to have to try as hard as possible FOR the Respects. As I’ve said, my impression of you is that you lack commitment, loyalty, and conviction, and that hasn’t changed.”
“But; I will allow you to stay on the condition that, if you don’t do this for us, you at least do it for Keegan, considering that he’s the only reason you’re still here right now, capiche?”
Fisk looked to behind him out into the arena. He looked back at Verity. “I’m thinking though, that we need some proof that you’re the real deal, and that you’re not tugging us along.” He looked to the other Respects.
“Am I wrong? We need to test her before just saying ‘welcome aboard’ right?“
Catche thinks my squirrel is Fisk so here's my daily reminder that he is not.
-
Wham Yubeesling
- Posts: 1257
- Joined: Mon Aug 06, 2018 9:15 pm
- Location: there is a man standing behind you
- Team Affiliation: Stephanie's Buccaneers
- Contact:
Okay.
Okay.
Kind of hard to focus and reply to everything that’d been said when you had to respond to three, basically four people. Bacchia was… kind of easy to just nod at and otherwise ignore and Keegan was more speaking for her rather than to her, which left the other two. Fisk and Vasily. It was… uncanny. All the other three had suddenly changed their tuned from wanting to kill Verity right there to for some reason actually wanting her on their team. Just like that. Keegan had stepped up in front of her and they’d all flipped their switch. From person to character to possibly-person again. It was surreal. For a second, Verity really had to think about this.
Only for a bit, though. They were still all talking about this game. Its guarantees. Empathy by definition was possible here because Verity was — as much as she didn’t really like saying as much — in some way similar, but there was a limit to how far it went. She was looking three murderers and also Keegan in their collective eyes and out of all four killers here… only one of them really felt all that bad about it, honestly. Become one of them, but don’t become one of them.
She could do that.
She just had to breathe.
“Is there a difference?”
She tilted her head. Placed her attention on Vasily. It was his question she was answering, after all.
“Between dying and… dying. You’re saying that if I become one of you then I’m guaranteed to not get a good death but… is there any sort of good death out here? Like, you’re… playing a role. If I’m, um, allowed to guess, you’re playing one of the player. The killer. The attacker. And you say because you’re taking out victims that eventually someone’s going to get back and kill you in a way that’s going to be awful, but...”
She breathed. Tried to swallow her spit. Her throat was too closed in at this point to really do that without feeling awful. Didn’t matter. She breathed. Continued.
“But is it really any better if you’re a victim? I saw what I did to Timothy. I saw what Bacchia did to Calla. I wouldn’t want to get my knee broken and then not be able to move my legs and kick myself to the surface. I wouldn’t want to die by having…”
She tried to think of how to really describe how it looked when she took the sheet off of Calla’s body. She couldn’t. They were probably thinking she was leaving it up to implication because they already knew what Bacchia did to Calla but… no. It was really that Verity couldn’t. Not exactly a lot of words to describe a body that didn’t really look like all that much of a body.
“And I know that it’s not going to feel good, knowing what I did to try and make it through this. I know that already. I was doing that back at school. Surviving. Trying to make it through. Having a dream and something I was working towards and a hope that… maybe I could be something with it. Maybe I could make my life matter with my own power.”
Pause. Breath. Cough. Hack.
“I won’t bore you with that because it’s too much to say, but… all that stuff I did to survive is already nothing. I never get to know whether I could’ve been something, back in that world. Made my life matter there. Even if I somehow make it through, and I end up mattering, that’s because… that’s because of the me of now. That’s because of who I am here. The… person I was before is gone. They never get to know if they- if they-”
The tightness constricting her throat was too much. She had to spend a few seconds over herself. Coughing.
“So, the way I see it, I die an awful death no matter who I end up being. The way I see it, I’ve made a waste of everything I fought for no matter how I end up dying. That’s… an inevitable. I think. So…”
Cough. Breath. Breath.
“If it’s a choice between being a victim and dying for nothing, or maybe, or maybe having it end with me at least fighting for something, then…”
Breath.
Breath.
“Then I’m in. Maybe for me, maybe for you, definitely for Keegan.”
She turned her attention to Fisk. Looked him in the eyes. Tried her best to, anyway.
“And if I need to prove to you that I can, then… I’m fine with proving myself. Season 53. Blood gang, right?”
And then she broke eye contact with everyone. Coughed. Coughed. Hacked. Co-
“Sorry,” she said. “About. Coughing. Never really said this much before but I feel I kinda have to say everything here. Pro-” she coughed. “Procatalepsis. Don’t… really wanna do more monologues, so, if, what I’m saying is- shit- then, tell me. Straight away. That I’m shit. Really. Do not like talking. This much.”
Okay.
Kind of hard to focus and reply to everything that’d been said when you had to respond to three, basically four people. Bacchia was… kind of easy to just nod at and otherwise ignore and Keegan was more speaking for her rather than to her, which left the other two. Fisk and Vasily. It was… uncanny. All the other three had suddenly changed their tuned from wanting to kill Verity right there to for some reason actually wanting her on their team. Just like that. Keegan had stepped up in front of her and they’d all flipped their switch. From person to character to possibly-person again. It was surreal. For a second, Verity really had to think about this.
Only for a bit, though. They were still all talking about this game. Its guarantees. Empathy by definition was possible here because Verity was — as much as she didn’t really like saying as much — in some way similar, but there was a limit to how far it went. She was looking three murderers and also Keegan in their collective eyes and out of all four killers here… only one of them really felt all that bad about it, honestly. Become one of them, but don’t become one of them.
She could do that.
She just had to breathe.
“Is there a difference?”
She tilted her head. Placed her attention on Vasily. It was his question she was answering, after all.
“Between dying and… dying. You’re saying that if I become one of you then I’m guaranteed to not get a good death but… is there any sort of good death out here? Like, you’re… playing a role. If I’m, um, allowed to guess, you’re playing one of the player. The killer. The attacker. And you say because you’re taking out victims that eventually someone’s going to get back and kill you in a way that’s going to be awful, but...”
She breathed. Tried to swallow her spit. Her throat was too closed in at this point to really do that without feeling awful. Didn’t matter. She breathed. Continued.
“But is it really any better if you’re a victim? I saw what I did to Timothy. I saw what Bacchia did to Calla. I wouldn’t want to get my knee broken and then not be able to move my legs and kick myself to the surface. I wouldn’t want to die by having…”
She tried to think of how to really describe how it looked when she took the sheet off of Calla’s body. She couldn’t. They were probably thinking she was leaving it up to implication because they already knew what Bacchia did to Calla but… no. It was really that Verity couldn’t. Not exactly a lot of words to describe a body that didn’t really look like all that much of a body.
“And I know that it’s not going to feel good, knowing what I did to try and make it through this. I know that already. I was doing that back at school. Surviving. Trying to make it through. Having a dream and something I was working towards and a hope that… maybe I could be something with it. Maybe I could make my life matter with my own power.”
Pause. Breath. Cough. Hack.
“I won’t bore you with that because it’s too much to say, but… all that stuff I did to survive is already nothing. I never get to know whether I could’ve been something, back in that world. Made my life matter there. Even if I somehow make it through, and I end up mattering, that’s because… that’s because of the me of now. That’s because of who I am here. The… person I was before is gone. They never get to know if they- if they-”
The tightness constricting her throat was too much. She had to spend a few seconds over herself. Coughing.
“So, the way I see it, I die an awful death no matter who I end up being. The way I see it, I’ve made a waste of everything I fought for no matter how I end up dying. That’s… an inevitable. I think. So…”
Cough. Breath. Breath.
“If it’s a choice between being a victim and dying for nothing, or maybe, or maybe having it end with me at least fighting for something, then…”
Breath.
Breath.
“Then I’m in. Maybe for me, maybe for you, definitely for Keegan.”
She turned her attention to Fisk. Looked him in the eyes. Tried her best to, anyway.
“And if I need to prove to you that I can, then… I’m fine with proving myself. Season 53. Blood gang, right?”
And then she broke eye contact with everyone. Coughed. Coughed. Hacked. Co-
“Sorry,” she said. “About. Coughing. Never really said this much before but I feel I kinda have to say everything here. Pro-” she coughed. “Procatalepsis. Don’t… really wanna do more monologues, so, if, what I’m saying is- shit- then, tell me. Straight away. That I’m shit. Really. Do not like talking. This much.”