#Weiss is Scheiss

[The Honeless Beard]

And so, that’s how Matthew Weiss died. It wasn’t the best of circumstances - it wasn’t the worst. But he knew that someday, somehow, the world was going to move on without him. He’d just be a face in a crowd, a name on a forum, the kid with the good idea who died before he could become a hero. Yes, everything was going to be-

Horseshit.

Excuse me?

That’s how you’re ending the story? With some last thoughts, oh-how-sad bologna?

THIS IS LITERALLY EVERYTHING I HATE IN A STORY

It’s pretty weak.

How is this ‘bologna’, exactly?

Well, he abandoned everything he knew at the outstart, attacked a random dude for no reason, and advocated the killing of people he liked.

Dude, the way you told this story - he didn’t even care about his friends.

He was in a death game!

Everyone is in a death game. Deciding to kill people doesn’t make you a hero, period.

Well, I was only here because you told that other story-

I liked that one!

-and it was pretty good. But this was too crappy for me to sit through.

And what the fuck was up with all the random asides?

What asides?

Uh, the random notes? Out of place comparisons? Making fun of other stories in yours?

I actually didn’t mind that overmuch.

I did. It was parody for parody’s sake.

I didn’t mind either, but holy crap this ending was awful.

Realmente odiaba sus gafas de sol.

You said it. And his stupid hair.

I was trying to point out that those things don’t work!

Why? Why do you get to decide what does and doesn’t work?

Yeah, man. Focus on telling a good story first instead of clouding it with this crap that only interferes with the experience.

Lo estás haciendo en estos momentos.

I just… Wow, guys. I didn’t know you guys cared. So should I change it?

Yes.

YES.

I would.

Please do!

Si.

Hahaha, awww.

Okay. Well, here we go.

---

On a big flatscreen above a bar in Oklahoma, 72 names were listed, with odds and cash amounts glowing white in the dim lighting.

In time with the gunshot, Matthew Weiss’ name turned red.

MATTHEW WEISS: DECEASED.

And, years later, it remains totally unedited. Completely unchanged. The release of Tenet by Christopher Nolan did not influence the post in the slightest.

He died as he lived.

Being shot.