Moose Humphreys

[Sh4dE]

Name: Moose Humphreys
Gender: Male
Age: 18
Grade: 12
Hobbies and Interests: Trains, freighthopping, shoplifting, jujutsu, military history

Gift: Slippery Skin
Power Details: Moose's sebaceous glands are extremely overproductive, producing a layer of natural oil on his skin. The oil makes it harder for other contestants to grab him and he is able to slip into tight spaces.
Limitations and Drawbacks: It is harder for him to grab objects. He is inflammable and sensitive to heat due to the high amount of grease and fat in the oil. It's also difficult for him to walk barefoot. The oil dirties his clothes but you can wash it off in the washing machine.

Appearance: Moose stands at 5'9" and weighs 140 pounds. He has a lean body build. He has short, curly blonde hair, a clean shaven face, blue eyes, a medium-sized nose and thick lips. He's Caucasian, but tanned and his skin is oily. His fingernails also are dirty.

On the day of the abduction he wore a white tanktop, a green sleeveless jacket, red trackpants and white sneakers. He also wears black wool gloves to be able to grab things.

Background:

• Moose was born in Bend, Oregon to a working class family.
• Moose loved watching Jackass as a kid and would try to replicate the stunts. He loved to prank other kids. Moose began shoplifting for the adrenaline.
• Moose doesn't do well in school, slacks in class most of the time. He finds most of the subjects to be boring. This changed when studying under a history teacher that helped to get him interested in the subject, with a particular focus on military history. He looks up facts about the American Civil War and the World Wars in his free time.
• Moose's parents encouraged him to get some hobbies, so he wouldn’t spend all of his free time watching TV. Moose picked jujutsu, as he thought martial arts were cool. His gift made it hard to participate because the classes involved grabbing partners, so in order to attend he always came with a full body suit to the classes.
• Lately Moose began freighthopping at night for the adrenaline. His gift helped him to safely execute this newfound hobby, as he has some experience in using his gift as an advantage. For example, he once managed to escape from an security guard that spotted him through use of his skill with freighthopping. He also uses his skill to find good hiding spots in general, as he is aware of the illegality of this activity.

Personality: He's pretty chill and not confrontational. He rarely gets worried, even in tense situations and doesn't panic often. He is known to be a troublemaker with the teachers, but is in pretty friendly terms with his classmates. He is an adrenaline junkie.

Other Skills: Jujutsu, Agility

[Catche Jagger]

Hi, RC! Moose is off to an interesting start, but is currently DENIED pending some edits and expansion.

Firstly, in order to maintain uniformity with the other profiles in Supers, you’ll need to remove the specialized font in order to receive approval.

Hobbies and Interests: Trains, freighthopping, shoplifting, jujutsu, wars

Moving to Moose’s interests, the final one listed is “wars” which is extremely vague. The background indicates that this should be changed to “military history”.

Power Details: The subject sweats oil instead of human sweat, making the skin slippery. This makes it harder for other contestants to grab him.
Limitations and Drawbacks: It is harder for him to grab objects. He is also inflammable. He also sweats harder when nervous.

Next, on to the Gift. Moose’s Gift requires a bit of clarification and expansion, and there are a few ways we could go about this.

Firstly, as written we’d need to talk about oil. Oil is a very broad term used to describe a number of chemical substances, many of which have broader applications beyond lubrication. My assumption is that it’s meant to be akin to oils derived from animal fat and not petroleum,. But this really should be specified.

Secondly, we need to talk about Moose’s sweat. Does he sweat as much as the average person? If so, one of his downsides would be that he is basically unpowered unless he is sweating, because his body wouldn’t just ambiently produce a layer of oil on his skin.

Alternatively, if you do want Moose to have an ambient slipperiness at all times, it might be beneficial to alter the nature of his power. Perhaps something like his skin producing a layer of slippery mucus, not unlike some amphibians.

On to the background, the points need to be written in complete sentences. Please add subjects to the beginning of each point and statement in order to comply with the profile format.

This changed when he got a history teacher that made him interested in history, specifically wars.

Should be rephrased a bit. Something like “This changed when studying under a history teacher that helped to get him interested in the subject, with a particular focus on military history.”

American Cival War

Should be corrected to “American Civil War”

so he wouldn't spend his whole freetime watching TV

Should be rewritten as “so he wouldn’t spend all of his free time watching TV”

His gift helped him to safely escape the scene.

What scene? This is unclear.

In addition to these edits, Moose’s personality section mentions that he is a known troublemaker with the law. If Moose has been detained or arrested by law enforcement in the past then that needs to be elaborated on in his background.

He barely is worried about situations

Did you mean something like “He rarely gets worried, even in tense situations”? The current wording doesn’t make much sense.

doesn't panick often.

Should be “doesn’t panic often”

Additionally, Moose’s background implies that he is a bit of an adrenaline junkie, with him constantly seeking out such highs though freighthopping and shoplifting. This should be noted in his personality.

Once you complete these edits, I’ll give Moose another look.

[Sh4dE]

okay, done

[Catche Jagger]

Firstly, the problems from last time which remain unaddressed:

1. Remove font tags from your profile.
2. The matter of Moose being "known to be a troublemaker with the law" still hasn't been addressed. What does this mean? If the police know he did a criminal act, he would have been detained or arrested, and you would need to note this in his background. If this is not the case, you need to identify who this is known to and why he has not been reported.

Now, on to further edits.

Power Details: Moose's skin produces a layer of slippery mucus, not unlike some amphibians. This makes it harder for other contestants to grab him.
Limitations and Drawbacks: It is harder for him to grab objects. He is also inflammable.

Gotta make a few edits here again.

1. If Moose's skin is always coated in a layer of slippery mucus, does this affect the way in which he dresses at all? Does the mucus coat or ruin his clothing?
2. His ability to slip into tight spaces should also be included as a part of his power.
3. Is the mucus inflammable? You need to specify.

His gift helped him to safely escape consequences when authorities spotted him.

This is written in a somewhat awkward manner. The implication is that the freighthopping was used in one specific incident, but the wording does not make this clear. Either elaborate on the incident in question, or change the wording to be more general.

Will take another look when these edits have been made.

[Sh4dE]

slip.

[Catche Jagger]

I do need a bit more clarification

Gift: Slippery Skin
Power Details: Moose's skin produces a layer of slippery mucus, not unlike some amphibians. The mucus dirties his clothes but you can wash it off in the washing machine. The mucus makes it harder for other contestants to grab him and he is able to slip into tight spaces. The mucus is also sensitive to heat due to the high amount of grease and fat in it.
Limitations and Drawbacks: It is harder for him to grab objects. He is also inflammable.

Alright, now that I think I've got a slightly better grasp on what we're trying to get out of Moose's powers, I think I have some idea of how to work out Moose's Gift. Perhaps it's something along the lines of his sebaceous glands being extremely overproductive, creating a layer of oil on his skin. Similar to the mucus idea in principle, but providing the properties of an oil while specifying what sort of oil it is.

Additionally, one of the drawbacks should be that it's difficult to walk when barefoot, since it'd be difficult for his feet to get a grip on the ground.

Appearance: Moose stands at 5'9" and weighs 170 pounds. He has a lean body build.

Additionally, with this combination of height and weight, Moose would either be muscular or a bit overweight, which doesn't fit with his description as lean. Either the description should be changed or the weight should be decreased.

Loves to prank other kids. Began shoplifting for the adrenaline.

These are not complete sentences.

For example, he managed to escape from a security guard once, who spotted him in a train station by sliding away quickly.

This sentence needs to be rewritten to something like "For example, he once managed to escape from an security guard that spotted him through use of his skill with freighthopping.

Please make these edits and I'll give Moose another look.

[Sh4dE]

.

[Catche Jagger]

Okay, should just be a bit more

Power Details: Moose's sebaceous glands are extremely overproductive, producing a layer of natural oil on his skin. The oil dirties his clothes but you can wash it off in the washing machine. The oil makes it harder for other contestants to grab him and he is able to slip into tight spaces. The oil is also sensitive to heat due to the high amount of grease and fat in it.
Limitations and Drawbacks: It is harder for him to grab objects. He is also inflammable. It's also difficult for him to walk barefoot.

The bit about the oil dirtying his clothes should be added to the Limitations section and the bit about the sensitivity to heat due to the grease and fat should also be there and combined with the point about being inflammable.

I'll give it another look once that's sorted

[Sh4dE]

..

[Catche Jagger]

Just one more

He is also inflammable and also sensitive to heat due to the high amount of grease and fat in the oil.

Change to "He is inflammable and sensitive to heat due to the high amount of grease and fat in the oil." to remove redundant words.

[Sh4dE]

...

[Catche Jagger]

APPROVED