Jenelle Greene

also known as Miss Dogface

The profiles of characters approved for the version are found within.

Moderator: SOTF Supers Staff

Locked
User avatar
Lilith
Posts: 1029
Joined: Tue Aug 07, 2018 6:27 pm

Jenelle Greene

#1

Post by Lilith »

Name: Jenelle Greene
Gender: Female
Age: 18
Grade: Senior
Hobbies and Interests: Photography, Girls Scout, Terfbaiting

Gift: Annihilation
Power Details: Annihilation acts as an eraser of reality. It can remove any matter from existence, other than the matter making up Jenelle herself. Annihilation can only destroy matter Jenelle is touching, and can only remove up to 8 cubic centimeters of matter from existence with each activation. Jenelle can either use Annihilation consciously, or she can activate it unconsciously, on accident. Jenelle does not need to see or be aware of what Annihilation destroys, it simply has to be within Annihilation's range.
Limitations and Drawbacks: Annihilation's range of activation is extremely short, and it can only be used in thirty second intervals, preventing Jenelle from repeatedly using it in a short amount of time. If Jenelle activates Annihilation without resting for a minimum of a minute between each use, the volume of matter it can destroy will progressively decrease with each subsequent use, only returning to normal when she finally stops to rest. The vacuums left behind by Annihilation collapse immediately, both creating shockwaves in air that manifest as a loud bang, and causing objects it only partially destroys to implode. Jenelle has to consciously suppress Annihilation to avoid using it on accident. Whenever Jenelle is stressed or her emotions are bottled up, her focus grows lax and Annihilation activates on its own, destroying items she is in contact with, usually her clothes. When using her power intentionally, Jenelle has trouble controlling precisely what she destroys and how much of her maximum volume she actually destroys.

Appearance: Jenelle is a short (5'0") and stout (150 pounds) woman. She has straight blonde hair reaching down to her collarbones. Her face is round, and her features are blunt. Her eyes are green and droopy, and her nose is rather large for her face. Her lips are full, adorned with a medusa piercing on her cupid's bow. Her eyebrows are thick and near her hairline. She does not wear makeup, and does not have visible scars. She is white and she tans easily.

Jenelle's clothing style can be called lazy. She only wears practical clothes and does not really try to dress in any fancy or pretty ways. She prefers wearing dark clothing, principally with the color black to avoid drawing attention. Most of her clothes have jagged edges in them due to her Gift taking out pieces of them when it misfires. On the day of the abduction, Jenelle was wearing a black shirt with a gray hoodie. On the sleeves, they both have large and small cuts from her Gift. She was wearing a pair of blue jeans, and a pair of black sneakers.

Background:
  • Jenelle was born in Bend, Oregon. She has a brother, Austin, and a sister, Karen. Jenelle's parents are Justine and Ryan Greene, both working in the automotive suppliers industry.
  • Jenelle's Gift first manifested as a child while petting the family dog. She severed its aorta, leading to a quick and swift death. This event has led to Jenelle to be traumatized by her own Gift, leading to her to never using it consciously again.
  • Due to her severe negative experience with her Gift, Jenelle is touch adverse and does not want to be in contact with people. She is known to freak out when people accidentally touch her.
  • She is deeply jealous of others with more beneficial Gifts, often verbally tearing them down in private or in public whenever she gets the chance.
  • After a long bout of therapy and power specialist meetings, Jenelle has managed to get better at controlling her Gift, but it still rarely misfires. She is still deeply terrified of accidentally maiming someone, asking people to stay far away from her at all times.
  • As an attempt to help their daughter with her emotional issues, they signed her up to Girl Scouts. There, she managed to make some friends despite her vile personality and learn some important skills like First Aid and trying knots and general survivalism. She is still attending the Girl Scouts, her current rank being an Ambassador.
  • Jenelle started to experiment with photography in high school. She works with the school to take pictures of event for their school's newspaper. This is something she genuinely enjoys and wants to do more in the future. She often takes pictures outside of school with her camera, preferring photographing people in their daily lives.
  • Her relationship with her brother Austin is middling at best. She is jealous of his nicer power and often finds herself seething whenever he is good at something. It is a similar situation with her sister Karen, as she is simply able to live her daily life without actively ruining it.
  • Her only plan after high school is to continue being a photographer, potentially professionally so. Her parents have been trying to get her to go to college, but she is unwilling due to the cost.
  • Despite her rude and mean attitude, Jenelle has a strong sense of social justice. She often goes online to pick fight with people attacking people with less fortunate Gifts. Recently, she has started fighting terfs (trans-exclusionary radical feminist) online. She baits them in responding to her messages before verbally tearing them down.
Personality: Jenelle is a generally mean and vindictive person with the tendency to belittle others for her own fun. She is easily annoyed with people's behavior, particularly with loud and exuberant individuals. She can be nice to others if they are quiet and they are willing to be regularly playfully insulted by Jenelle, but other than that, she is not enjoyable to be around. She is not, however, arrogant. She has quite a demeaning and negative perception of herself. Her negative self-image often pushes her to insult others to feel better about herself.

Other Skills: General survivalist skills, First Aid, Knot Tying
User avatar
VoltTurtle
Posts: 491
Joined: Wed Sep 19, 2018 5:41 am

#2

Post by VoltTurtle »

Heya Lilith! I've got Jenelle, so let's get right to it:

As her Gift currently is there are a few problems, as I see it. How it works is a bit vague, and the ramifications of it aren't fully explored. I do, however, like the core idea behind it (she annihilates nearby matter), so let's get it up to speed while keeping it consistent with her background and that core idea.
Power Details: Annihilation acts as an eraser of reality. Within an aura of one feet around Jenelle, she can selectively choose to remove up to 2' by 2' matter from existence. Jenelle does not need to see the target to use her power, the target simply has to be within her range.
Limitations and Drawbacks: Her power is extremely short range. To remove something inside of a container, like a body for example, Jenelle must be in direct contact with the object. The Gift comes with a thirty second cooldown, stopping her from repeated uses in a short time. Whenever Jenelle bottles up her emotions, her Gift sometimes triggers inexpediently leading to potential property damage or physical damage.
First thing's first, we use metric in this part of the profile. While we still use imperial measurements for height/weight, the Gift section of a profile is supposed to be written from the perspective of a scientist trying to figure out exactly how their Gift works, and scientists use metric for precision. To that end, one foot would be about 30 cm, and two feet would be around 61 cm.

Next: I'm a bit confused as to the specifics of the "2' by 2'" bit, as two feet by two feet (or 61 cm by 61 cm) is an area and not a volume. Since these kids live in three dimensions, this creates a conundrum where she's removing infinitely thin slices of reality... which could create problems if she were to, say, split atoms in two. If this is intentional, then I would recommend specifying that and adding a small third dimension (eg, "she removes a one-atom thick slice of reality, up to 61 cm2 in size from existence").

If the intent was for that to be a volume (as in, 2' x 2' x 2'), however, that creates problems. 61 cm3 is a relatively huge area, capable of annihilating someone's entire torso from existence (and creating an enormous vacuum in its place, which would then be violently filled by air and result in an incredibly damaging shockwave). In light of that, I'd strongly suggest you stick to a thin slice or otherwise reduce the size drastically (2" x 2" x 2" would still be a lot in this regard), as a volume that size would be extraordinarily dangerous and (to be frank) too strong.

Next: I'm not sure the vaguely defined aura is the way to go with this power, especially since it also specifies that annihilating something inside something else requires direct contact (do fluids count as something that something else could be inside? because then air might be a major problem). My immediate questions with the aura would be "does this extend from all parts of her body, or a specific spot?", because if it extends from all parts of her body, the volume she could cover around herself would actually be fairly considerable, which would take the wind out of the short range as a drawback.

Given that you already specify direct contact when it comes to bodies, and the fact that in her background she killed her dog by touching it and is generally scared of people touching her, I'd recommend dropping the aura entirely and make it entirely about direct contact with any part of her body, though if you want to keep the aura we could try to work out all the nitty-gritty details with it.

Next, onto limitations: A mention of the cooldown is nice, but it's also a very video-gamey way of describing it. To that end, I'd reword "The Gift comes with a thirty second cooldown, stopping her from repeated uses in a short time" to "Annihilation can only be used in thirty second intervals, stopping her from repeatedly using it in a short amount of time".

Next: Are there any further limitations to how often she can use it besides the thirty second intervals? Does using it often or repeatedly put any additional strain on her mind or body? If it does, how would that strain manifest? It's fine to elaborate on this even if this isn't something she would know in-character (since she tries not to use it consciously), the profiles are allowed to be omniscient in this regard.

Next: Can Jenelle hurt herself with her power? Everything in her background suggests "no" (as she likely would have accidentally killed herself with her own power if she could), but some mention of that in either the power details ("[...]remove from existence, other than herself") or the limitations ("while she can't harm herself[...]") would be preferred.

Next: How fine is her control, really? Her background, the frequent accidents, and the mention of it triggering when she bottles up her emotions suggest that she has a lack of practice and a complete lack of real control over Annihilation. I think this is a good limitation to lean into for her power, given how it forms a fairly critical part of her background. If you agree, I'd specify the following:

1. When using her power intentionally, she has trouble controlling precisely what she destroys and how much of her maximum area she actually destroys. This would mean removing the "selectively" in the power details, since she wouldn't really be able to be precise with it.
2. She has to consciously suppress it to avoid using it on accident, hence why it misfires when she bottles up her emotions (as, otherwise, that specific mention doesn't really fit with how the rest of the power works, since it's not explicitly related to her emotions).

Last, and minor, but you would want to use "accidentally" instead of "inexpediently".

--

Okay, that was a lot to think about. Now onto the rest of the profile!
She has blonde hair straight blonde hair reaching down to her collarbones.
I believe the first "blonde hair" here was left in unintentionally. Go ahead and cut that.
She prefers wearing dark clothing, principally with the color black to avoid to the limelight.
I'm a little confused by the phrasing of "to avoid to the limelight". If I caught your meaning, I'd reword this to "to avoid drawing attention".
This event has led to Jenelle to be traumatized by her own Gift, leading to her to never using it again.
Typo/tense issue; "leading to her never using it again". I would also recommend adding "consciously" after "using it" since her appearance and the currently listed limitations mention it misfiring on the regular, and that would present an inconsistency otherwise.
She is deeply jealous of others with more friendly Gift, often
Gifts plural since others is plural. I'd also substitute friendly for a different word -- beneficial perhaps?
After a long bout of therapy and power specialist meetings, Jenelle has managed to get around her Gift's misfiring. She is still deeply terrified of accidentally maiming someone, ask people to stay faraway from her at all times.
How recent was this? Her current outfit still shows the telltale signs of her Gift misfiring, so this is somewhat of an inconsistency. To that end, I'd suggest either mentioning that this was very, very recent, or adjusting "Jenelle has managed to get around her Gift's misfiring" to "Jenelle has managed to get better at controlling her Gift, but it still rarely misfires" (which would make her persistent terror at maiming someone more prescient).

(Also, it would be "far away" and not "faraway", and "ask people" would be "asking people" to keep with the tense.)
As an attempt to help their daughter with her emotional issues, they signed her up to Girl Scouts. It was a good endeavor. There, she managed to make some friends despite her vile personality and learn some important skills like First Aid and trying knots and general survivalism. She is still attending the Girl Scouts, her current rank being an Ambassador.
I like this, but "it was a good endeavor" is a sentence fragment. I'd suggest cutting it out.
She often goes online to pick fight with people attacking less fortunate Gift havers.
Minor, but I'd change "attacking less fortunate Gift havers" to "attacking people with less fortunate Gifts".
Other Skills: General survivalist skills.
No period necessary! Also, I'd add a specific mention of First Aid and tying knots, since those were also mentioned in the Girl's Scout bullet point!

--

Alright that's it! When you've got your edits made, post back here and I'll give her a look in round 2! :3
[+] Supers
Lily Little:
Memories: = = = >
[+] TV3
Wiki Pages:
Seo-yun Lee
[+] TV2
Wiki Pages:
Naomi Young
User avatar
Lilith
Posts: 1029
Joined: Tue Aug 07, 2018 6:27 pm

#3

Post by Lilith »

done
User avatar
VoltTurtle
Posts: 491
Joined: Wed Sep 19, 2018 5:41 am

#4

Post by VoltTurtle »

She's looking a lot better! Everything save the power itself looks great, just got a few more things about it:

You added an extra line break between Limitations and her Appearance!
Power Details: Annihilation acts as an eraser of reality. It can remove anything from existence, other than herself. Within a range of 30 cm around Jenelle, she can remove up to 8 cubic centimeters of matter from existence. Jenelle does not need to see the target to use her power, the target simply has to be within her range.
Limitations and Drawbacks: Her power is extremely short range. To remove something inside of a container, like a body for example, Jenelle must be in direct contact with the object. Annihilation can only be used in thirty second intervals, stopping her from repeatedly using it in a short amount of time. If she still tries to use Annihilation, the range will progressively shorten and decrease in volume. Jenelle has to consciously suppress it to avoid using it on accident. Whenever she is stressed or her emotions are bottled up, Jenelle’s focus grows lax and Annihilation fires on its own. When using her power intentionally, she has trouble controlling precisely what she destroys and how much of her maximum area she actually destroys.
So since we're sticking the aura and the fact that she doesn't need to see it, then I have to ask: does she need to be aware of what she's destroying in order to annihilate it? If she doesn't (which is implied by the accidental activation), then noting that would be needed. Additionally, the use of "anything" from existence makes me wonder if she could erase concepts or thoughts or things like it, which I don't think is the intention (given that you say matter explicitly).

In light of the above, and the fact that most of her use of it isn't conscious or intentional, I'd reword her whole power details entry to be as follows:

"Annihilation acts as an eraser of reality. It can remove any matter from existence, other than the matter making up Jenelle herself. Annihilation can only destroy matter within 30 cm of Jenelle, and can only remove up to 8 cubic centimeters of matter from existence with each activation. Jenelle can either use Annihilation consciously, or she can activate it unconsciously, on accident. Jenelle does not need to see or be aware of what Annihilation destroys, it simply has to be within Annihilation's range."
To remove something inside of a container, like a body for example, Jenelle must be in direct contact with the object.
I'm not so sure there's any logical way to explain this limitation, given how her power works. It's a range around herself and she doesn't need to see what she's destroying, so why would solids (or semi-solid fluids like what is found within a person's body) prevent her from destroying something without physically touching it and air wouldn't if she's close enough anyway? I'd suggest just cutting this limitation entirely, unless you want to change your mind and make it activate only on touch and not in a range.
If she still tries to use Annihilation, the range will progressively shorten and decrease in volume.
The wording here is a little strange following the previous sentence. I think I understand what you mean (that if she keeps using it over and over again in some length of time, it'll weaken), so I have wording to suggest in a moment.
Whenever she is stressed or her emotions are bottled up, Jenelle’s focus grows lax and Annihilation fires on its own. When using her power intentionally, she has trouble controlling precisely what she destroys and how much of her maximum area she actually destroys.
I would use "activates" instead of "fires" in the first sentence, and "volume" instead of "area" (because I wrote that initially assuming you wanted the area option and not the volume option). Additionally, I'd specify how it activates on its own -- does it destroy randomly, or does it focus on things she's thinking about subconsciously (like, for instance, a dog she's petting)?

Lastly, given that she leaves behind a vacuum in the area she destroys, I would also want you to include a mention of objects she destroys parts of imploding and the shockwaves caused by air rushing in to fill the vacuum in the limitations (though in this case, the shockwaves would just sound like a loud bang, ala a gunshot).

In light of all of the above, I'd reword her Limitations to be as follows (with a handful of changes for ease of reading/clarity's sake), with a few brackets for you to fill in:

"Annihilation's range of activation is extremely short, and it can only be used in thirty second intervals, preventing Jenelle from repeatedly using it in a short amount of time. If Jenelle activates Annihilation without resting for [AMOUNT OF TIME] between each use, both its range and the volume of matter it can destroy will progressively decrease with each subsequent use, only returning to normal when she finally stops to rest. The vacuums left behind by Annihilation collapse immediately, both creating shockwaves in air that manifest as a loud bang, and causing objects it only partially destroys to implode. Jenelle has to consciously suppress Annihilation to avoid using it on accident. Whenever Jenelle is stressed or her emotions are bottled up, her focus grows lax and Annihilation activates on its own, destroying [NEARBY MATTER AT RANDOM/NEARBY OBJECTS SHE'S THINKING ABOUT]. When using her power intentionally, Jenelle has trouble controlling precisely what she destroys and how much of her maximum volume she actually destroys."

That's all! The power is mostly fine on its own, we just need to make sure that how it works is clearly and exactly laid out.
[+] Supers
Lily Little:
Memories: = = = >
[+] TV3
Wiki Pages:
Seo-yun Lee
[+] TV2
Wiki Pages:
Naomi Young
User avatar
Lilith
Posts: 1029
Joined: Tue Aug 07, 2018 6:27 pm

#5

Post by Lilith »

yess....
User avatar
VoltTurtle
Posts: 491
Joined: Wed Sep 19, 2018 5:41 am

#6

Post by VoltTurtle »

Only one more thing!
If Jenelle activates Annihilation without resting for a minimum of thirty seconds between each use, the volume of matter it can destroy will progressively decrease with each subsequent use, only returning to normal when she finally stops to rest.
The rest time is in addition to the thirty second interval of no use, right? If it isn't, wouldn't that mean that this drawback would never come into play, since the thirty second interval prevents her from using her power anyway? I'm assuming the former is the case, so to make that clear I'd change "minimum of thirty seconds" to "minimum of a minute", that way she'd have the thirty second interval of no use, and the thirty second interval of weakened use.
[+] Supers
Lily Little:
Memories: = = = >
[+] TV3
Wiki Pages:
Seo-yun Lee
[+] TV2
Wiki Pages:
Naomi Young
User avatar
Lilith
Posts: 1029
Joined: Tue Aug 07, 2018 6:27 pm

#7

Post by Lilith »

Done
User avatar
VoltTurtle
Posts: 491
Joined: Wed Sep 19, 2018 5:41 am

#8

Post by VoltTurtle »

APPROVED
[+] Supers
Lily Little:
Memories: = = = >
[+] TV3
Wiki Pages:
Seo-yun Lee
[+] TV2
Wiki Pages:
Naomi Young
Locked

Return to “SOTF: Supers Approved Characters”