((Helena Christensen continued from The Life and Death of Helena Christensen, as Told in Eight Slices of Pie: Pt. 1))
As she ate the fourth piece of pie, Helena thought about her father’s funeral.
She had been forced awake by the Announcement after barely getting any sleep in. This left her feeling a bit groggy and annoyed. Of course, she didn’t dwell on her feelings that much. People were dead, people were killing, and Helena’s own death was surely approaching. She wouldn’t openly complain about her lethargy when she knew there were larger issues at hand.
After ensuring her house was still secure, she slowly made her way back to the pie. She wasn’t that hungry, but she still sat down after filling a glass of water from the sink. She had committed herself to this task, and she really only had one thing to lose at this point. She could handle bloating and indigestion.
As Helena began to eat the next piece of pie, she thought about how she spent the last few years compartmentalizing her feelings and worries. She could trace the method back to the day of her father’s funeral. She could remember the itch of the black, cotton dress her mother made her wear, the weak droning sound of the air conditioner in the Church, and the etched in the wooden pew. Helena didn’t have much else to think about that day, not that she wanted to.
The cause of death was ruled suicide. Not that anyone had any real doubt that was what it was. People just don’t “accidentally” open their wrists in a full bathtub. It was pretty clear what her father’s intentions were. He would rather die than go back to service. Unfortunately, he did it in a way in which his wife or daughters could find the result. Even to this day, Helena couldn’t forgive him for that.
But what could she forgive him for? On the day of the funeral, Helena was in a forgiving mood. She was sad her father was dead, and she didn’t mind letting people see she was torn up by it. She was still young enough to believe he would be in Heaven and would be ok. Heck, she could even tell herself that she’d see him again someday when she was old and ready to go.
Helena drifted through the funeral as one would expect an elementary school girl to behave. She was sad, but appreciative of the kind words from friends, family, and strangers. She was rueful, but optimistic everything would be fine in the end. She was quiet, but could engage if spoken to. Helena could behave as expected, there was no reason she couldn’t.
It wasn’t until the reception that she finally understood the gravity of the situation. In the middle of the reception, Helena wandered off to the bathroom. As she did, she noticed her mother and Melissa talking to themselves in a hallway away from everyone. Helena hid around the corner and only caught glimpses of the two. Her mother was crying into her hand, while Melissa was comforting her. Helena remained quiet and tried to listen in.
"Mom, it'll be fine."
"No, it won't be. He wasn't supposed to die like this. He wasn't supposed to just abandon us."
"Mom, would it have been better if he died overseas?"
"Yes."
Helena froze. She didn't look at them, but she could tell Melissa was struggling to react to that.
"What do you mean?"
"If your father died, we'd get insurance money and maybe some help from the government. But now we're going to lose a lot of money and potentially our house."
"Wait, we could lose the house?"
"Not now, but I don't make enough alone to support the three of us. And then there's the mortgage and your college admissions and-"
"Mom, we can make this work. I can start working after school, and maybe I'll put off college and do my first tour of service early."
"Melissa, you shouldn't."
"It'll be fine. I'm sure I won't go anywhere dangerous. I am flatfooted and have asthma. I'll just push pencils and send us money."
"Melissa..."
"Mom, we have to all be strong. Especially for Helena. You know she must be confused right now."
Helena was confused. Her father killed himself because he couldn't return to military service. Now they were all suffering for it. Her mom was now fearing for their stability, and Melissa was now possibly giving up her dreams to look after them. Helena felt her eyes water. Did her dad consider any of this? Did he think at all what his actions would do?
Helena walked away, letting her mom and sister talk in peace. Now she couldn't feel pity for her dad. He betrayed them all, and now they were all going to have to pay for his sacrifice. Helena wasn't sure whether to be more angry at her father, or at the government for pushing him to this place. For the rest of the funeral, Helena continued to weigh the debate in her mind, unable to reach a conclusion.
As she finished cleaning her plate, Helena realized she still wasn't sure who to be more furious with. However, as she began to put the fifth piece of pie onto her plate, she was leaning more towards the government. It wasn't enough that they put her dad through such hell that he would rather kill himself than go back overseas.
No, she had to remember what they did to Melissa too.
The Life and Death of Helena Christensen, as Told in Eight Slices of Pie: Pt. 2
Phase 2; The next three slices
As she ate the fifth slice of pie, Helena thought about when Melissa finally came home from duty.
A few years after their father died, Melissa followed through on the plan she had at the funeral and enlisted in her first tour of duty. It wasn't supposed to be anything difficult, she promised her mother and Helena. Like she figured, Melissa was assigned to desk duty in some far corner of the war, destined to spend five years filing papers and filling out forms. Most of Melissa's letters focused on how boring everything was and how easily she'd be able to get through these years. She occasionally sent goodies back home, which offered some relief in Helena's life.
Sure enough, Olivia was forced to pick up the slack with her husband gone and her eldest child off elsewhere. Olivia got a second job to help out around the house. Melissa sent money back, but it wasn't enough. It wouldn't be years later that Helena realized a lot of her mother's desire to work outside the home came from wanting to have something to distract her from the grief of losing her husband. When Helena was growing up, it mostly just seemed like Olivia wasn't in the mood for her.
Helena tried to help out around the house as much as she could and stay out of Olivia's way. She cleaned up after herself, tried to teach herself how to cook, and ensured she was doing well enough in school that Olivia would never have to be called in for a parent-teacher conference or anything. This didn't mean that Olivia didn't have time at all for Helena; Helena was still able to have bonding time with her mother. But for the most part, Helena decided it was easier to just act like everything was fine than to give her mother any additional stress.
After a few years of this, everything seemed to fall into a groove, and there was little in the Christensen house that could disrupt the flow. That is, until about three years after Melissa began her tour of duty. Helena was in middle school by this point, and she had been in class when she was suddenly pulled out of school. Her mother was sitting in her car in the school parking lot, her eyes red from crying. Helena climbed in and asked her mom what happened.
"It's Melissa. There's been an attack..."
It turns out where Melissa was wasn't that much safer than the rest of the world. There had been a mortar attack, and Melissa was crushed under rubble. She was pulled out and taken to a hospital, but she was pretty badly injured because of it. Olivia told Helena that Melissa would be coming home sooner than expected, and that they'd have to be strong for her.
A few weeks later, Melissa was back home, and Helena saw exactly what became of her sister.
Melissa was sitting in a wheelchair. Her left arm was in a sling close to her chest. She had part of her head shaved, exposing some fresh stitches in the side of her head. There were other bandages over her right eye. When Helena saw her, Melissa gave one of her traditional smiles to Helena.
"Hello. It's good to see you again," she said.
Helena burst into tears. She hadn't cried that much since her dad died, but that day, Helena allowed herself the chance to fully sob.
Back in the present, Helena finished the fifth piece of pie and stared at the empty plate. Her eyes traced the colored rings on the plate. She grimaced, then picked up the plate and chucked it against the wall. She watched it shatter and fall to the ground. She quickly got up and walked out of the kitchen and onto the living room couch. She curled up and pulled the hood of her sweatshirt over her head.
Today, Helena would allow herself the chance to cry again.
A few years after their father died, Melissa followed through on the plan she had at the funeral and enlisted in her first tour of duty. It wasn't supposed to be anything difficult, she promised her mother and Helena. Like she figured, Melissa was assigned to desk duty in some far corner of the war, destined to spend five years filing papers and filling out forms. Most of Melissa's letters focused on how boring everything was and how easily she'd be able to get through these years. She occasionally sent goodies back home, which offered some relief in Helena's life.
Sure enough, Olivia was forced to pick up the slack with her husband gone and her eldest child off elsewhere. Olivia got a second job to help out around the house. Melissa sent money back, but it wasn't enough. It wouldn't be years later that Helena realized a lot of her mother's desire to work outside the home came from wanting to have something to distract her from the grief of losing her husband. When Helena was growing up, it mostly just seemed like Olivia wasn't in the mood for her.
Helena tried to help out around the house as much as she could and stay out of Olivia's way. She cleaned up after herself, tried to teach herself how to cook, and ensured she was doing well enough in school that Olivia would never have to be called in for a parent-teacher conference or anything. This didn't mean that Olivia didn't have time at all for Helena; Helena was still able to have bonding time with her mother. But for the most part, Helena decided it was easier to just act like everything was fine than to give her mother any additional stress.
After a few years of this, everything seemed to fall into a groove, and there was little in the Christensen house that could disrupt the flow. That is, until about three years after Melissa began her tour of duty. Helena was in middle school by this point, and she had been in class when she was suddenly pulled out of school. Her mother was sitting in her car in the school parking lot, her eyes red from crying. Helena climbed in and asked her mom what happened.
"It's Melissa. There's been an attack..."
It turns out where Melissa was wasn't that much safer than the rest of the world. There had been a mortar attack, and Melissa was crushed under rubble. She was pulled out and taken to a hospital, but she was pretty badly injured because of it. Olivia told Helena that Melissa would be coming home sooner than expected, and that they'd have to be strong for her.
A few weeks later, Melissa was back home, and Helena saw exactly what became of her sister.
Melissa was sitting in a wheelchair. Her left arm was in a sling close to her chest. She had part of her head shaved, exposing some fresh stitches in the side of her head. There were other bandages over her right eye. When Helena saw her, Melissa gave one of her traditional smiles to Helena.
"Hello. It's good to see you again," she said.
Helena burst into tears. She hadn't cried that much since her dad died, but that day, Helena allowed herself the chance to fully sob.
Back in the present, Helena finished the fifth piece of pie and stared at the empty plate. Her eyes traced the colored rings on the plate. She grimaced, then picked up the plate and chucked it against the wall. She watched it shatter and fall to the ground. She quickly got up and walked out of the kitchen and onto the living room couch. She curled up and pulled the hood of her sweatshirt over her head.
Today, Helena would allow herself the chance to cry again.
G014: Mayumi Tendou
As Helena ate the sixth slice of pie, she thought about when her life reached its lowest point.
Helena had given herself a couple hours to cry on the couch and sleep again. It had only been one day in The Program, and most of it had consisted of lethargy and gluttony, but she felt really drained. She had woken up in the middle of the night to use the restroom, only to find herself feeling a bit famished. She didn't understand how she could feel so hungry, but part of her figured it had to do with consuming nothing but carbs and fruit. She wasn't getting enough protein, so her body was probably clamoring for something more hearty and filling.
But she told her body to go fuck itself and instead sat down to eat more pie. It's not like her body was going to be running the shots for much longer.
Helena figured it was probably around midnight or so. There had been an announcement a while ago, and there was no sign of the next one coming any time soon. It was probably the right time to eat some pie. If it wasn't, she didn't care anyways. It was time to eat more shitty pie.
Helena ate a small bit of pie and thought back to when Melissa had returned. Melissa's return had greatly changed things around the home. Melissa was continually in and out of physical therapy in the months after she returned. She had to have an additional surgery after she returned after she fell in her therapy session and hurt her knee. It seemed like it would take forever for Melissa to get better, and Helena could see the additional stress was piling up on her and her mom.
In the months that followed, Helena could see that things weren't getting better. It finally culminated in the night Olivia sat both Helena and Melissa down and explained to them the awful situation they were in.
"We're selling the house," Olivia said, her eyes red and her voice hoarse. "We can't afford it any more."
Helena wasn't sure what to think then. Apparently, the cost of Melissa's surgeries and treatment was too great for them right now, and they weren't receiving much assistance from the government. Even with what little medical insurance Olivia was getting from her work, the family just couldn't keep up with the bills. Olivia said she would be able to move them into an apartment, but there was no way they'd be able to stay in the house.
A few weeks later, the Christensens moved into a small apartment on the other side of town. Most of their possessions had been sold to cover the costs of the move or were put into storage. Helena was made to share a room with Melissa, a cramped bedroom where the two had to sleep on bunk beds despite both of them being too old for such a bed.
Throughout all of this, Helena tried to pay attention to how her mother and sister acted in this. Helena wasn't going to show how she really felt to make sure neither of them thought she was upset about their circumstances, but she paid attention to how they both acted.
Olivia was constantly moving and stressed most of the time. Because Melissa needed help in the house, Olivia paid more attention to her than Helena. Helena was already fairly self-sufficient, so she didn't really need much guidance. But she could see Olivia was always stressing about some bill or some test result in between running to her next job. Helena was sure she could see her mother aging at a much faster rate than normal.
Melissa, on the other hand, never seemed bothered. Most of her recovery was long and stressful, but she never openly complained or let her frustrations out on everyone. Even as she had trouble getting used to her glass eye or switching to a cane after months in a wheelchair, she never lamented her situation or demanded too much from Olivia or Helena. She even insisted on doing things even if they seemed too difficult for her to accomplish.
But, for some reason, both of their reactions pissed Helena off. She didn't understand either of them. Olivia was constantly working and grieving that Helena wondered why she couldn't just calm down. Melissa was in her worst physical state ever, and was possibly going to have to change most of her plans in life because of it. Helena couldn't get why neither of them could just show that there was more to them than just stressed frustration and foolish idealism.
Helena wanted to see if there was something to break it. It wasn't the right thing to do, but she wanted to test them. She was a stupid middle schooler who wanted to see how badly her mom and sister would react if she did something crazy. She wanted to see her mom focus on something other than providing for them and making sure Melissa would recover. She wanted to see if Melissa could actually show something other than a peaceful smile.
To test it, Helena climbed into a full bathtub, which she poured some red drink powder in. She sat there, waiting for her mom or sister to come discover her. She wanted to know if they'd care if she died. She wanted to see them show something else. She wanted to know there was more to them right now.
She got that right away when she heard Melissa scream. Melissa limped over and pulled Helena out of the tub, begging her to be okay. Helena played dead as Melissa looked over her, trying to see if she'd start breathing or see where the blood was coming from. When she couldn't find a scar, Helena finally broke character and admitted it was fake.
To her surprise, Melissa immediately slapped her across the face, knocking her glasses off.
"Don't you dare," Melissa said. "Don't you ever think about doing something like that."
Melissa was starting to cry. Helena got out of the tub and pulled the plug, letting it drain. She put a hand on Melissa's shoulder.
"Mel, I-"
"No. There's no excuse," Melissa insisted. "You don't know what it was like to see Dad like that. You don't get to make that a prank. You don't get to mock us for that."
"I wasn't trying to-"
"You don't get to try and scare me straight like that. Did Mom put you up to this?"
"What?"
"Did Mom tell you about what I was going through?"
That was when Melissa finally opened up. Apparently, Melissa's recovery wasn't just physical, but mental. When Melissa hurt her knee, it wasn't because she fell in physical therapy. She had thrown herself down a flight of stairs. Part of her recovery was seeing a psychiatrist and taking meds to help her out. Now Helena understood everything. Olivia wasn't worried about their home and work. She was worried about losing Melissa like she lost her husband. Melissa wasn't downplaying her pain. She was trying to hide some dark thoughts from her little sister.
Helena went into her room and didn't come out for the rest of the day. She didn't want to see Melissa or her mother. Helena had finally seen how foolish she was for not noticing their grief, and how foolish she was to try and force them to open up to her. They wanted her to stay out of this because they didn't want her to feel the same way.
Helena finished the piece of pie. Melissa never told their mother what Helena did that day, keeping it their secret. As Helena slowly crept out of the kitchen and to the bedroom, she wondered if they were watching her now. She wondered if they were still afraid she'd do the same thing her dad did back then. If they were, Helena was suddenly afraid. Afraid of what they'd think if she did anything that terrible, even if it was in The Program.
But, then again, would they understand why if she did do that? Helena let that be the thought that put her to sleep.
((Helena Christensen to be concluded...))
Helena had given herself a couple hours to cry on the couch and sleep again. It had only been one day in The Program, and most of it had consisted of lethargy and gluttony, but she felt really drained. She had woken up in the middle of the night to use the restroom, only to find herself feeling a bit famished. She didn't understand how she could feel so hungry, but part of her figured it had to do with consuming nothing but carbs and fruit. She wasn't getting enough protein, so her body was probably clamoring for something more hearty and filling.
But she told her body to go fuck itself and instead sat down to eat more pie. It's not like her body was going to be running the shots for much longer.
Helena figured it was probably around midnight or so. There had been an announcement a while ago, and there was no sign of the next one coming any time soon. It was probably the right time to eat some pie. If it wasn't, she didn't care anyways. It was time to eat more shitty pie.
Helena ate a small bit of pie and thought back to when Melissa had returned. Melissa's return had greatly changed things around the home. Melissa was continually in and out of physical therapy in the months after she returned. She had to have an additional surgery after she returned after she fell in her therapy session and hurt her knee. It seemed like it would take forever for Melissa to get better, and Helena could see the additional stress was piling up on her and her mom.
In the months that followed, Helena could see that things weren't getting better. It finally culminated in the night Olivia sat both Helena and Melissa down and explained to them the awful situation they were in.
"We're selling the house," Olivia said, her eyes red and her voice hoarse. "We can't afford it any more."
Helena wasn't sure what to think then. Apparently, the cost of Melissa's surgeries and treatment was too great for them right now, and they weren't receiving much assistance from the government. Even with what little medical insurance Olivia was getting from her work, the family just couldn't keep up with the bills. Olivia said she would be able to move them into an apartment, but there was no way they'd be able to stay in the house.
A few weeks later, the Christensens moved into a small apartment on the other side of town. Most of their possessions had been sold to cover the costs of the move or were put into storage. Helena was made to share a room with Melissa, a cramped bedroom where the two had to sleep on bunk beds despite both of them being too old for such a bed.
Throughout all of this, Helena tried to pay attention to how her mother and sister acted in this. Helena wasn't going to show how she really felt to make sure neither of them thought she was upset about their circumstances, but she paid attention to how they both acted.
Olivia was constantly moving and stressed most of the time. Because Melissa needed help in the house, Olivia paid more attention to her than Helena. Helena was already fairly self-sufficient, so she didn't really need much guidance. But she could see Olivia was always stressing about some bill or some test result in between running to her next job. Helena was sure she could see her mother aging at a much faster rate than normal.
Melissa, on the other hand, never seemed bothered. Most of her recovery was long and stressful, but she never openly complained or let her frustrations out on everyone. Even as she had trouble getting used to her glass eye or switching to a cane after months in a wheelchair, she never lamented her situation or demanded too much from Olivia or Helena. She even insisted on doing things even if they seemed too difficult for her to accomplish.
But, for some reason, both of their reactions pissed Helena off. She didn't understand either of them. Olivia was constantly working and grieving that Helena wondered why she couldn't just calm down. Melissa was in her worst physical state ever, and was possibly going to have to change most of her plans in life because of it. Helena couldn't get why neither of them could just show that there was more to them than just stressed frustration and foolish idealism.
Helena wanted to see if there was something to break it. It wasn't the right thing to do, but she wanted to test them. She was a stupid middle schooler who wanted to see how badly her mom and sister would react if she did something crazy. She wanted to see her mom focus on something other than providing for them and making sure Melissa would recover. She wanted to see if Melissa could actually show something other than a peaceful smile.
To test it, Helena climbed into a full bathtub, which she poured some red drink powder in. She sat there, waiting for her mom or sister to come discover her. She wanted to know if they'd care if she died. She wanted to see them show something else. She wanted to know there was more to them right now.
She got that right away when she heard Melissa scream. Melissa limped over and pulled Helena out of the tub, begging her to be okay. Helena played dead as Melissa looked over her, trying to see if she'd start breathing or see where the blood was coming from. When she couldn't find a scar, Helena finally broke character and admitted it was fake.
To her surprise, Melissa immediately slapped her across the face, knocking her glasses off.
"Don't you dare," Melissa said. "Don't you ever think about doing something like that."
Melissa was starting to cry. Helena got out of the tub and pulled the plug, letting it drain. She put a hand on Melissa's shoulder.
"Mel, I-"
"No. There's no excuse," Melissa insisted. "You don't know what it was like to see Dad like that. You don't get to make that a prank. You don't get to mock us for that."
"I wasn't trying to-"
"You don't get to try and scare me straight like that. Did Mom put you up to this?"
"What?"
"Did Mom tell you about what I was going through?"
That was when Melissa finally opened up. Apparently, Melissa's recovery wasn't just physical, but mental. When Melissa hurt her knee, it wasn't because she fell in physical therapy. She had thrown herself down a flight of stairs. Part of her recovery was seeing a psychiatrist and taking meds to help her out. Now Helena understood everything. Olivia wasn't worried about their home and work. She was worried about losing Melissa like she lost her husband. Melissa wasn't downplaying her pain. She was trying to hide some dark thoughts from her little sister.
Helena went into her room and didn't come out for the rest of the day. She didn't want to see Melissa or her mother. Helena had finally seen how foolish she was for not noticing their grief, and how foolish she was to try and force them to open up to her. They wanted her to stay out of this because they didn't want her to feel the same way.
Helena finished the piece of pie. Melissa never told their mother what Helena did that day, keeping it their secret. As Helena slowly crept out of the kitchen and to the bedroom, she wondered if they were watching her now. She wondered if they were still afraid she'd do the same thing her dad did back then. If they were, Helena was suddenly afraid. Afraid of what they'd think if she did anything that terrible, even if it was in The Program.
But, then again, would they understand why if she did do that? Helena let that be the thought that put her to sleep.
((Helena Christensen to be concluded...))
G014: Mayumi Tendou