some day we may come to peace with the world within ourselves

[Maraoone]

This wouldn't be it, he'd said to himself back in the forest. This could never be it.

He needed to get home. He wanted to hear his brother's voice also.

It's not like Daniel wouldn't have died anyways.

His hands clenched his throat. Pushed against his airways, above the collar.

He could've walked away. Should've. Could've let someone else do it.

But.

If he couldn't save anyone else, if he couldn't make himself useful for that, might as well save himself.

Right?

They both got what they came here for, anyways. Or what Johnny came here for. Daniel got to know. Johnny got to say his piece.

Not like there was anything else left for them.

Right?

He needed his one kill. And better to have Daniel die to a friend, than to someone that would just torture him.

Right?


Just make it quick.

Have Daniel die to a friend.

His eyes were bulging.

He couldn't even gasp.

Johnny collapsed on top of him, let go. He sobbed into him, spilling sorries from his mouth.

[delicateMachine]

Just as the worst of the shock wore off and he started seriously thinking that his best friend was seriously trying to kill him, Johnny let go and collapsed on top of him, which was definitely an improvement but didn't make it any easier for Daniel to catch his breath, so he spent like a minute just gasping for air.

Okay. Okay. His brain had enough oxygen to process things again. Johnny probably could have killed him right there, but he didn't, so that meant that wasn't Johnny trying to kill him. It was the island. A simple and satisfying explanation, which was good, because he really didn't want to be scared of his best friend, even if those few choked moments were probably gonna be in the back of his mind for the rest of his life. No big deal.

Dude was still crying and apologizing so... Daniel figured he should probably say something. "Uh, first, please don't choke me again. But, like, about all the other stuff, I don't think there's anything you could've done. I'm not sure if I could have done anything, even. It's not your fault," He hoarsely whispered, hugging Johnny and awkwardly patting his back.

[Maraoone]

He couldn't even save himself, as it turned out.

He felt so small. So worthless. Seven days on this island, and he hadn't done one thing of use. He couldn't even save himself.

Johnny laid on top of Daniel, waiting to be pushed off. Waiting for Daniel to give him double what Roy had. Punches. Kicks. Broken bones. Broken organs. Retribution.

What he deserved. After everything he'd done, after losing Rachael, hurting Roy and Dan, failing to save anyone.

What he needed.

He got words instead. He felt Daniel's arms around his.

'Please don't choke me again.'

Johnny paused.

Did he just joke? After what just happened?

What the fuck, Daniel?

Laughing welled up from Johnny's throat, mixing itself with the sobbing.

He stayed on top of Daniel for a while. Taking in the moment. The feeling.

Eventually, the sobbing and laughing stopped. And Daniel deserved to breathe, Johnny figured.

He rolled off him with a thud, felt daggers against his ribs. He deserved that.

Part of him still longed for punishment. It didn't feel right. Like an anticlimax. Rachael had done nothing wrong, and she went through hell. Roy and Dan had been loyal. They had been actual friends. And yet they died before him. And here Johnny was. Still with a friend. After everything.

God, this island was fucked.

He laid next to Daniel, to his right, in silence for a while. Staring at the gray-blue sky.

His voice came out cracked, tired with the next few words.

"What do you think we should do now?"

[delicateMachine]

Daniel was breathing and Johnny wasn't crying anymore, so he guessed that was progress. He shrugged, which was kind of weird because he was lying down and kind of pointless because Johnny wasn't looking at him, but that's what he did.

"Dunno. Stay alive? If we can, I wanna find Maxwell so I can like, apologize?"

He tentatively held out a hand for a fistbump. "Whatever we do, it's gonna be together."

[Maraoone]

Together.

Daniel spoke Johnny's mind.

"Yeah." He nodded, even without Daniel looking. "That sounds good. Staying alive sounds good."

He let out a sigh.

"We deal with the rest when we come to it."

He turned his head towards Daniel. His fist was raised.

He didn't deserve this.

But God, he needed it.

Johnny bumped his fist.

((Johnny Lancer and Daniel Whitten continue in Though Far Away, We're Still the Same))