There And Back Again

[Skraal]

((Soren Rosendahl continued from Flotsam and Jetsam))

The stench of tar and rotting corpses filled Soren's nostrils as he sat, staring into the inky blackness of the pit in front of him. The breaking of dawn cast an sombre pall over the area, as befitting the mood of its inhabitant. Perhaps had things turned out differently, he would have wished for someone to keep him company. As things stood, the idea seemed pointless. Anyone around him would just be ripped away as soon as they arrived.

Sighing, he picked up a rock and threw it into the pit, watching as it sunk beneath the surface. How much longer was this going to go on? There was nothing left for him to do. No matter what happened, committing murder was out of the question. Given that, and the fact that he seemed to have the remarkable talent of getting any potential allies killed, it was a near certainty that he wasn't going to get off this island alive.

With all that said, it seemed futile to stretch things out any further. He could just end things now, right here in one of these foul holes in the ground. It surely wouldn't be painless, but a lungful of tar would probably render him unconscious for the rest of his descent. It would be so easy. God would definitely understand, after all. Nobody could be reasonably expected to want to stick around and watch their friends die, one by one, before being painfully murdered themselves.

Soren's head was spinning as he stood up, his eyes staring blankly ahead of him as the plan finished forming in his mind. He took a deep breath, his muscles tensing as he prepared for the final plunge.

The end didn't arrive, however. Whether out of cowardice or the remains of his atrophied survival instinct, Soren hesitated, his vision still locked onto the abyss that lay before him.

[Maraoone]

((Johnny Lancer continues from Little Talks))

He walked around and through the border between the pits and the woods, fingers drumming against his thigh. Knuckles still aching as they did so. He probably should've been resting, saving up energy, staying in one place. Keeping on guard. But, he'd been doing that for the past two days, now. He was tired of stagnation.

He waited for the announcements. Part of him had wanted to leave as soon as the sun got into his eyes and woke him up, as soon as it began to glow brighter than the forest fire, but he needed patience. He couldn't afford the energy needed to both explore the island and run from a danger zone. He needed info. Needed to know where they would be herded into. Whether to look for his friends, or just go it alone.

If there would be any friends left to look for.

Daniel was still alive, as far as he knew. As was Brandon, Kitty. Kyran. Yumi. Soren. Roy. Dan. As if the last two would ever want to see him anyways, but he still felt it necessary to list them. Part of him also didn't want to face Daniel, after what had happened to Rachael. Didn't want to deal with the guilt.

But that was for another time. A time coming up very shortly.

He eventually got sick of the smoke filling his lungs. Probably wasn't good for him anyways, considering how short of breath he felt even in normal conditions now. So, he walked out the woods, and when came back, he saw a scarecrow standing by one of the pits, staring into it. A blonde one. A familiar one. Staring into the abyss. Too closely.

He took deliberate steps, making sure his feet hit solid ground. When he felt he was close enough to be heard, he stopped. Projected his voice without cupping his hands.

"Soren?"

[Skraal]

The sound of a familiar voice cut through Soren’s trance, bringing his mind out of the pit in front of him and back to the real world once more. He squinted as turning toward the sound brought the light of the rising sun directly into his eyes. After the ensuing moment of blindness wore off, he was greeted by the sight of a face that one couldn’t help but recognize. Whatever anyone could say about Johnny, nobody could deny that he definitely stood out in a crowd.

Soren’s arm moved up to wave him over as he remained by the hole, his body moving slowly and awkwardly, as if he had just woken up from a deep sleep. Though heading to meet his friend halfway probably would have been the appropriate action, walking all the way over there was hardly an attractive option at the moment. Why bother leaving his post to travel after someone who he would no doubt lose at the nearest opportunity?

The thought that Johnny might be here to hurt him barely crossed his mind. Even with all that he had seen in this place, it didn’t feel likely. He hadn’t heard his the guy’s name on the announcements, and, in any case, Johnny didn’t seem like the kind of person to snap and start killing just like that. Despite the nickname, Badass Johnny seemed to genuinely be one of the nicest people he knew, which was probably why he was able to handle being around Soren and all the other socially awkward members of the writing club.

After a moment of silence, Soren decided to add a “Hey!” to further emphasize his point. Well, that was the intention at least. With his current condition, it came out less as an enthusiastic greeting and more of a dry and monotone syllable echoing across the breeze, but it was the thought that counted, right?

[Maraoone]

"Hey," Johnny said.

He stayed in his position. Feet apart. One foot ready to go back, the other ready to go forward. One foot ready to repeat past mistakes, the other ready to avoid them.

Part of him wanted to meet each and every one of his friends one last time. Wanted to save them. Save people other than Rachael. After all, aside from her, he'd never even really tried. But, was it still worth it at this point?

Was it still deserved?

He decided to take a few steps closer. To avoid putting too much strain on his voice, his lungs.

"What are you up to?"

[Skraal]

Well, that definitely was a tough question to answer. What was he supposed to say? It wasn’t like he could respond with ”I was trying to work up the courage to kill myself.” There were many ways that Johnny could respond, but none of them would fail to make the situation worse. Faced with this reality, Soren was forced to do one of the things that he hated the most. He lied.

“Nothing.”

Sighing, he looked up into the face of the person approaching him. Judging by the bandages and injuries, Johnny’s time here had probably been just as terrible as his, with the smoke rising from the forest behind him revealing that the boy’s troubles were likely not far behind.

A few seconds of awkward silence passed before Soren attempted to take the attention off of his most-definitely-unsatisfactory answer to his friend’s question.

“What about you?”

Honestly, he didn’t want to know, but at this point he didn’t really have anything better to say either.

[Maraoone]

"Not much," he said on reflex. A lie, also, but if the bloodstains on Soren's clothes were nothing, then Johnny's face would be not much.

Then again, he couldn't do much with nothing. Couldn't figure out how to proceed. Whether those stains were from spectating or participating. What he should do about it, either way. Whether he was still dealing with a friend or not.

One of them had to take the first step, really, for this conversation to go anywhere. And Johnny had never been one for stubbornness.

He stayed in his position.

"Actually, no. I, uh. I don't know. I guess I'm still trying to find friends. Like you. Cause I've lost a few."

He trailed off for a bit. Looked at the ground.

"And I don't want to lose anyone else."

They made eye contact.

[Skraal]

Even back home, hearing someone refer to him as a friend always brought a bit of a surprise, even if they had done it many times before. He wasn’t exactly a very interesting or well-spoken guy, and was hardly fun to be around in the best of times. At least back then, the surprise was at least pleasant. Now, knowing that he had met a friend just conjured up feelings of abandonment, ones that he would much rather keep down.

He empathized with Johnny, he really did, though it was obvious that Johnny’s quest was going to be futile. They were all going to die here, and there was nothing anyone could do about it. No matter how much Johnny wanted to save anyone, it just wouldn’t be possible. Only one person was getting out of this place alive, and they wouldn’t be able to take anyone with them.

Speaking of saving… A rather uncomfortable thought came to Soren’s mind. Was Johnny a Christian? Soren knew that he was at least going to heaven after all of this was over with (probably). But as for his friend, well, he just didn’t know. Soren swallowed dryly as he stared at the boy standing a few feet away, trying to think of a good way to ask him about it. If there ever was a good time to bring this up, it would be now, when both of them stood with death staring them in the face.

Soren opened his mouth to speak before closing it sharply. He knew that if he brought it up, Johnny would have questions, a lot of questions, questions that Soren simply wasn’t equipped to answer. Was it even worth starting the conversation when he had no idea how he was supposed to steer it?

In the end, cowardice won out yet again. Looking into Johnny’s eyes yet again, Soren’s only response was the first thought that came to his tired mind, filtered out in the worn-out rasp of a throat that had gone far too long without anything to drink.

“Is that even possible?”

[Maraoone]

He opened his mouth to speak. Finger raised as if to make a point. Then he put it down, closed his mouth.

He would've answered yes immediately, had they met six days ago. Had they met before the fifth announcements, or the fourth, or so on until the first. Part of him still wanted to answer yes.

The better part of him was tired of disappointment. Shattered expectations.

"No. Not really. We both know better than that. Obviously. That, uh. That doesn't mean we should stop trying?"

He looked down on the ground. Considered his next words.

"What really happened?"

He gestured to Soren's clothes.

"That's not nothing."

[Skraal]

Soren was tired, hungry, and definitely in more than a little pain. Most importantly, he was definitely not in the mood for that sort of conversation. At this point, continuing to talk was nothing more than a waste of time, and not even the company of a friend brought comfort to him anymore. He raised a hand, pointing at the bandages around Johnny's face.

"I could ask you the same thing. I answered your question, and you'll be wasting your time if you keep asking."

The anxious churning in Soren's stomach was met by a rush of adrenaline. For once in his life, instead of stammering out an awkward apology, he was actually standing up for himself. Emboldened, he took a breath before continuing.

"Just like you'd be wasting your time if you kept on trying to save people. We both know that you can't."

Soren shivered quietly, though he couldn't say whether it was from the stress of the conflict or the unusually cool breeze that had just rolled in.

[Maraoone]

He looked at the bloodstains once more, and then, a little bit below. Soren was standing awfully close to one of the pits, he noted. It was what brought Johnny here in the first place. His eyes flitted between the two for a few seconds.

"That wasn't an answer," he said with an edge in his tone.

He took a quick breath, felt a stab of pain. He ignored it.

Give him the benefit of the doubt. Stop looking at his feet. At the pits.

"And- I, I can't stand not doing anything. I can't stand not trying."

He blinked. His eyes felt wet.

He had to make another trade, for this to go anywhere. A trade he was loathe to make.

"How about this? I tell you my story, you tell me yours."

[Skraal]

Man, this guy sure was persistent, wasn't he? It looked like Soren wasn't getting out of this one. He paused for a moment, staring blankly into Johnny's face.

"You really want to know? Fine."

He took a deep breath.

"I tried to save someone too. Tessa. She..."

As soon as Tessa's name left his mouth, a rush of emotions came flooding back into his mind. His lip quivered as he tried desperately to hold back the moisture that was now building up in his eyes. It was a few seconds before he could finally bring himself to continue in a husky voice.

"She died in my arms. I couldn't save her. I couldn't save anyone, and neither can you."

[Maraoone]

Johnny frowned, immediately jerked his head away from the ground. From Soren's feet, from the pits. He'd thought the worst. He'd been considering the worst. He shuddered, and stepped back.

"Fuck. I..."

He looked at Soren's face. Mumbled.

"I'm sorry."

It wouldn't be even close to enough. But, half-meant apologies were better than silence.

He had to fulfill his end of the trade now.

"I- OK, guess I'll go."

Deep breaths.

"I was with Rachael, Roy, and Dan. We- I mean, I- I lost Rachael. We looked all over for her. Two days. And then, she died anyways. Not even in my arms."

He looked at the ground again. Clenched his fist.

"I don't even know where."

He closed his eyes for a few seconds. Gathered his thoughts. He opened his eyes again, and looked at Soren in the eyes.

"I just- I just want to make up for that. It's so fucking selfish, I know, but, like, if I don't do anything-"

His voice broke. He took in a quick inhale, and regretted it. Another stab of pain. He couldn't ignore it this time. He squeezed his eyes shut, and sucked in air, which made it worse. He winced. Put his arms around himself to apply pressure, to make it stop.

Eventually, he allowed himself to speak again. He had to.

"It'll just eat me up inside. I know we can't save everyone. But, can't we save at least one person?"

[Skraal]

Soren sighed quietly as he watched Johnny struggle. His instincts urged him to ask if his friend was okay, to see if there was anything he could do to help. Unfortunately, his mind already knew that it would be pointless. There was nothing he could do, and asking about it would only make that more clear. Might as well make a clean break to the conversation, as Johnny was clearly on his way out of here anyway.

"I think you already know the answer to that question."

With that, he turned away, taking a couple steps back towards the pit, his gaze fixed on the inky blackness below.

[Maraoone]

For a whole minute, Johnny stood there. Mouth half-open. Looking at Soren. Waiting. There was nothing more to say, really. Nothing more he could say, nothing more he should. But, if he left, it would all be pointless. If he left, he'd leave Soren in the same position he'd found him in. Staring into the abyss. He had to say something.

For a whole minute, he stood there, and Soren stared into the abyss. But he didn't fall into it. Eventually, Johnny found words.

"So. What's the end goal here? If- if, according to you," he spat out, "we can't save anyone, then what are you doing? What will you do?"

[Skraal]

Hm, he was still here. Looks like Badass Johnny lived up his name, and just couldn't quit. Oh well. In the end, it just didn't matter. After what felt like ages of silence, Soren gave one final response, his eyes still locked forward as the dull sound exited his throat.

"I'm just waiting until this is all over."

Soren didn't turn around. Maybe now Johnny would finally leave him alone.