The Cape of No Hope

[Somersault]

((Natali Greer continued from We're Mostly Made of Water))

Somehow, Natali found herself back at the cliffs, and she didn't know why. Well, not knowing was a bit of a misnomer, because she knew perfectly well what she had told the others: that she had to go relieve herself somewhere.

That statement was full of shit. She had no particular urge to go relive herself of anything, but the real thing she didn't know about was why she decided to head back to the cliffs. Wasn't as if she any particular good memories in there, and the more she thought about it, her grip on the gun steadily tightening, even with the safety still on, there were many, many bad ones.

Not just bad, no, but awful. Horrible. Frowning seemed like the best thing to do, because a tear rolling down her face? Not now. Wasn't she supposed not to feel guilty about this at all?

Natali probably should have just tried to accept it as something, Aria's death, that it was an inevitability on her path to survival, but she didn't think she could just leave it at that. She wanted to leave it like that, keep it so simple, so clean-cut and necessary seeming, but it was like a truly great photo: there was always something lurking at the edges, something more to it. Growing, festering, always there. Always haunting her. No matter how much she tried to run away from it, forget about it, his face was still there.

It still left her directionless as ever, standing as the wind blew through her hair. Hadn't she always told herself here that there was something more to it? That she would know what to do, when the time came? That she would have some kind of knowledge, some kind of divine providence.

So, hope and bullshit, really. That was all she was baking on now. There was blood on her hands, sure, but that killer instinct? Like what Saachi, or KK had? No, no, the person looking at the lighthouse far off in the distance, distantly noticing some people speaking, was nothing but a scared little girl, a girl that hoped her parents could save her from the monsters lurking in the night.

Nat really fucking wished she could have had that killer instinct, the ability to just cut in and end someone's life without remorse, and just carry on fighting for their life. She wished there was a moment she could have called on, a memory with her family, Mom, Dad, Eliza, that she could have looked to for strength and comfort, something that would make everything alright, but maybe there was none. Not now, at the very least.

Was she ever ruthless as a kid? No, he was always the one who stood back and smiled while her friends went on fantastical ramblings, waiting for her chance to gush over the underwater creatures. Even then, always letting others have the spotlight, never fully going in. There were the late nights she spent editing photos and researching, applying to CSU, but nobody else saw the eyebags and exhaustion. Just came with being a high school student, Natali always said, brushing off concerns like paper.

That wasn't right, for herself or her family. She knew that wasn't good, but she kept on doing it, because she wanted to do something, right? Contribute something to the community, be able to feel as there was something she could do. Even now, she was walking with a group filled with people she didn't particularly care for, so there was something.

Now, there was the gun. She considered taking out all the ammo, scattering it all so nobody would ever use it again, but something stopped her from doing so. Maybe it was her basic self-preservation instincts kicking in, maybe it was her desperation to have some kind of power. Maybe she just didn't want to abandon something she had on her the entire time.

Sighing, Natali zipped open her bag and placed the gun inside, just as quickly as she had taken it out when approaching the cliffs.

She began to jog back, hoping to find a sign of the group, if only for the fact that sitting with her own thoughts felt increasingly more toxic. Maybe that would be good. Or not. Not as if she really liked any of them anyways. Kyran, sorta, but only sort of.

In any case, Natali left the area.

((Natali Greer continued elsewhere))