Procatalepsis

#1

“-kind of needed people not to hear this. If I’m right my mic is right next to your mic so, um, sorry. For tricking you. You’re going to get screamed at by whoever your mentor boss is and that’s on me, so, um. Yeah. Sorry. Just… needed to make sure we’re the only people who hear this. Well, the other people who can hear this too. Hi. Please don’t share this, but…

“But I’m going to go for the ten.

“I think that’s the only shot I have out of here. I was the very first person to take a kill so I really don’t think I’m going to be trusted by anyone from now on. I saw how that girl in the corridors with me and Alyssa looked at me. I- I saw Rhonda, even if it was super dark and, like, really hard to make anyone out. People aren’t going to trust me from now on. If anybody wants to take retribution for me being on the show, I’m… right there. The first killer. Took someone out before the season even started, by my count, so… so I don’t think peace is going to be an option from now on. Maybe I’m wrong, but maybe...

“I know my teammates exist. I know you told me to look for them, and I will, but… I saw that one of them is already dead. And you said something that made me think that maybe… maybe a lot of us got taken out early. That I’m one of the few left. And I know that… one of the people with Bacchia was on my team, and apparently they’re taking out their own teammates, so…

“I’ll try. I mean it. If I find them, if they want to come with me, I’ll let them come, but ultimately…

“Ultimately that means I have to kill eight or nine more people. I’m not sure if I can do that, but I can try. I can try and live. I can try and, and...

“I’m not going to be like the people I just mentioned. The ones who… did that to Calla. Who see this as just… a game. To see the people we went to school with as just… video game people. Who flipped a switch just… started killing people. I… know that going for the ten is a longshot. I know that there’s a good chance I won’t win if I do this. I know you said I have a chance, but… I know it’s a long one. That it’s more likely I die than I make it through this.

“I…

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“No. Have to be quick with this. I think I can be fine with that. Because if I go for the ten and I fail, then…

“Then there’s still a chance nobody else going for the ten will reach it in time.

“It’s, like, have you seen the Incredibles? Have you seen the memes of the guy who’s like ‘if everybody’s super, nobody is?’ That’s his evil plan, and now it’s my evil plan. If everybody’s super, nobody is.

“If everyone goes for the ten, nobody will get the ten.

“There needs to be a ratio that favours the victims to the killers. Right now… I don’t think we have that. Everybody’s trying to be a killer. Nobody has more than two. At this rate everybody’s trying to get a bit of the pizza and it’s… likely they only get one slice.

“I want to contribute to that.

“Because there’s… how many of us here? Enough for someone to maybe get ten. If someone, like, gets five, and then they die, that’s five kills that nobody else will be able to get. That’s way less room for everyone else to manuever and get ten out of. If I do this, what likely happens is that I’m the one who gets five and dies.

“But if I… if what I want goes to plan then that won’t be me. I’ll be the one taking out the people with five. I’ll be the one making sure nobody gets ten.

“I’m going to go for the ten.

“But I’m going to go for the people already going for the ten.

“I’m going to go for the people they’ll be trying to kill.

“And I’m going to do whatever it takes to make life hell for them. If there’s… a third kind of person who fulfills that goal, then… then I’ll kill them, too. I’ll do… what it takes. I’ll take whoever needs to be taken out.

“And I’ll make sure I remember their names. Keep them in my mind. Make sure that them, and the people they thought were just victims, fucking… fucking meant something. Were more than just contestants.

“I know this is a long shot. I know there’s a good chance I go up against someone who’s way more than I can handle and who- and who gets me killed. And who makes me their number. But… but you said it. Back then. I have a chance. There’s a chance that I can maybe do this. There’s a chance that maybe here I can achieve something. I’ve… I’ve been nothing all my life. I was just a girl who stuck to herself and who everyone kind of hated and who if it weren’t for this maybe wouldn’t have really been destined for everything but I’m here now. And I have a chance. There’s… there’s a possibility that I can do something. Make a difference. I…

“I have to try.

“I know I, um, don’t really have that much time until the feeds come back on me. And I know you’re probably going to be mad that I got you shouted at by whoever’s making you do mentor stuff. And I’m sorry. If you’re, um, a bit unwilling to talk to me after this, then I can… then I can maybe manage. I, um, probably still need your help, but if it’s me being kind of secretive for no reason that does me in then that’s my fault. I’ll learn to deal with it myself.

“If you’re… still able to speak then, then I imagine you’d tell me that this is risky. That this has a good chance of getting me killed instead of getting me maybe the ten and that I should be careful. I’d nod. Say I, um, acknowledge that and then insist it’s what I need to do. You’d, um, maybe nod in response. Wish me good luck. And then I’d say, um…

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“Thanks.

“I’ll need it.

“I’ll, um, see you around, if I’m… if I’m still around.

“Talk to you next time.”

((Verity Stewart, continued elsewhere))