ES10: AKENO KUDO CONTINUED FROM In the Mud and Sinking Deeper
Three and a half days in this hell and Akeno didn’t have much to show for it. The last few seasons had ended in less time that this, but as it stood she didn’t feel any closer to making it home now than she had in her first hour of the game. She was further from that goal, if anything; making no meaningful progress of her own while others pulled ahead of her and did the things she had wanted to do herself.
Her failure to get ten kills was a worn out complaint at this point, so she wasn’t going to waste any more time thinking about it; like her new mentor had said, she needed to start thinking about a team win and refocus her goals on things that would let her prepare for that. Gathering weapons and supplies and keeping herself healthy enough to win the final fight. Even on that front she had done nothing that would increase her chances of making it out of here. Weapons? She had none. Supplies? She’d lost a bag for every one she’d found. Staying healthy?
Her lip had stopped bleeding at least, the cut sealed for the time being by an ugly clotting of red, but she still felt the skin pulling tight every time she moved her mouth. When she’d taken her jacket off to try and get some rest, turning it into a makeshift pillow beneath her head, revealing arms that looked like she’d been accosted by a painter who had only shades of blue and purple left. It could have been worse, given how many deadly implements people had been swinging around back there, but she wasn’t unscathed either.
Her only achievement up to this point was surviving until now where others had failed; that wasn’t enough and was more luck than skill besides. She hadn’t earned her place here, just managed to keep going while others died around her.
Akeno stood up suddenly and began to pace back and forth through the narrow confines of the ghost ship interior; it was an uncomfortable place to occupy, its ceiling low enough in places she needed to stoop down to pass through and its faux decrepitness had become more and more real with each passing year. A gloomy resting place to match her dark thoughts, but lingering on those wasn’t going to help her here. She knew from past experiences that she was prone to running her mind in bitter circles after repeated losses or setbacks; there were ways around it she had found, ways to break the cycle, but Akeno thought she had shed the habit years ago.
But then her losses before had never been as extreme as this, had they?
Being active helped, if only to distract herself. Sleep would have helped more, but unfortunately sleep had been hard to come by. Even though she was more than tired enough both physically and mentally, she was kept awake by the plague that was her own thoughts and fears. Her earlier concern that burning the sight of Lucille’s final resting place into her mind would have her seeing it even in her sleep turned out to be prophetic; every time she closed her eyes the image appeared before her again, making closing her eyes a less than restful experience. If it wasn’t Lucille then it was Jasper instead, or Maxine.
Once or twice it was red water circling down a drain as she washed blood from her hands; surprising, considering it hadn’t bothered her much at the time. Even now she couldn’t manage to muster much guilt over what she’d done to Maxine, not when there were other things for her to focus on, but for part of the last few hours Akeno had been dwelling on her actions back then.
Killing ten people to save her own life was always going to be a morally questionable decision and the fact that said people likely would have died even without her direct actions didn’t absolve her of any guilt. Even so, so long as those kills led to her surviving then she could at least say that she had reason to kill them, that she had done so with a purpose in mind. Now that she had given up on that the one time she had managed to kill someone so far seemed… pointless.
If she didn’t need to get ten kills anymore then killing Maxine didn’t achieve anything. It didn’t even profit her in any way, since Maxine hadn’t had a weapon and Akeno hadn’t even gained any supplies out of it. Maxine had died for, essentially, nothing. Akeno had killed someone for, essentially, nothing.
Akeno let out a sigh and stopped pacing. She wasn’t going to be able to pull herself out of this it seemed. Walking back to her little corner of the ghost ship, illuminated in red and covered in as many real spider’s webs as fake ones, Akeno slumped down against the wall and closed her eyes.
One more attempt at sleep and then she would head out again.
She’d feel better once she was on the move again.
I Was Young Not Too Long Ago
Open; after the fifth announcement
"This place is," she muttered, only audible to the producers, "so cheesy."
Hate it.
She looked at the fake skeleton to distract herself. Its plastic skull was more intact than Rebecca's, and she couldn't think anything else again.
Hate it.
She looked at the fake skeleton to distract herself. Its plastic skull was more intact than Rebecca's, and she couldn't think anything else again.
When Akeno opened her eyes again she found it hard to tell how long it had been. It didn’t feel like any time had passed at all, perhaps only a few minutes, but she found herself awake and alert even if the tiredness was still there. Adrenaline ran through her veins and her heart beat rapidly in her chest as she felt herself gripped by panic; something was off and Akeno found herself rising out of her prone position as she began to look around for anything out of the ordinary.
There was nothing, she was still alone, but that realisation didn’t settle her nerves any. She didn’t wake up for no reason, Akeno thought, unless she had and was just jumping at ghosts on this fake haunted ship.
Letting out a sigh, she began to gather her things and prepare to leave. A few hours, minutes or seconds of rest wasn’t enough to let her recover fully but it was clear she wasn’t going to be able to sleep here; maybe she’d have better luck at the cruise ship, in a halfway proper bed and with a few pieces of furniture pressed up against the door. She gathered her bag, Lucille’s bag, and haphazardly stuffed her jacket inside along with everything else; she’d be losing its protection and everyone would see her bruised arms without it and know that she was hurt, but at this point she couldn’t find it in herself to worry about that.
She began to leave, but before she made it too far she found someone blocking her way. Or rather she found someone between her and the exit, stopping her from leaving coincidentally and not intentionally. For now.
Akeno had seen her before, though it took a few moments to place her; she’d seen her back at the cruise ship, in the maze occupying the lower deck, along with Verity and artsy Rebecca. Tall girl, because she still didn’t know her name, must have been why Akeno had woken up; a too loud footstep or a creaking board making its way to her further down the boat.
Tall girl wasn’t wearing a white bandana.
“I saw you earlier.”
There was nothing, she was still alone, but that realisation didn’t settle her nerves any. She didn’t wake up for no reason, Akeno thought, unless she had and was just jumping at ghosts on this fake haunted ship.
Letting out a sigh, she began to gather her things and prepare to leave. A few hours, minutes or seconds of rest wasn’t enough to let her recover fully but it was clear she wasn’t going to be able to sleep here; maybe she’d have better luck at the cruise ship, in a halfway proper bed and with a few pieces of furniture pressed up against the door. She gathered her bag, Lucille’s bag, and haphazardly stuffed her jacket inside along with everything else; she’d be losing its protection and everyone would see her bruised arms without it and know that she was hurt, but at this point she couldn’t find it in herself to worry about that.
She began to leave, but before she made it too far she found someone blocking her way. Or rather she found someone between her and the exit, stopping her from leaving coincidentally and not intentionally. For now.
Akeno had seen her before, though it took a few moments to place her; she’d seen her back at the cruise ship, in the maze occupying the lower deck, along with Verity and artsy Rebecca. Tall girl, because she still didn’t know her name, must have been why Akeno had woken up; a too loud footstep or a creaking board making its way to her further down the boat.
Tall girl wasn’t wearing a white bandana.
“I saw you earlier.”
She kinda looked behind her, for Mary, just- just to make sure she's here, like the moment she stared at Akeno for more than 5 minutes at a time, the other tall Asian girl in this crappy, bad-taste ship would just disappear to dust.
"Uh, yeah."
Looked at the girl. Looked back. Looked at her again.
...
"I remember you, um."
Leah held one hand in another hand and hoped that the blood on her shirt wasn't all that noticeable. She could always lie, but she was a really bad liar. So it would be almost like a reverse Gregory, where Akeno would go "You have to be lying" and Leah would stammer out something like "No I wasn't" and Akeno goes "You are." And then Leah would go "Well... alright, it was self defense!" And the Akeno would automatically assume she's a murderer (which she is) and it all goes burning down.
"Uh, yeah."
Looked at the girl. Looked back. Looked at her again.
...
"I remember you, um."
Leah held one hand in another hand and hoped that the blood on her shirt wasn't all that noticeable. She could always lie, but she was a really bad liar. So it would be almost like a reverse Gregory, where Akeno would go "You have to be lying" and Leah would stammer out something like "No I wasn't" and Akeno goes "You are." And then Leah would go "Well... alright, it was self defense!" And the Akeno would automatically assume she's a murderer (which she is) and it all goes burning down.
Tall girl offered her a chance to introduce herself, subtly covering for the fact that she didn’t know her name, but Akeno ignored it. It didn’t really matter if neither of them knew each other, since they weren’t on the same team and Akeno didn’t plan on making any new friends here. At best introducing herself would just run the risk of tall girl recognising her as a killer, as long ago as that seemed now.
Leah kept looking back over her shoulder; compulsively, nervously, like she was worried someone was behind her or like she was expecting someone. If it was the latter then things might become another dangerous situation; everyone seemed to be travelling in packs now and Akeno hadn’t had the best of luck with groups. This girl hadn’t seemed all that willing to fight back on the cruise ship, but having someone at your back gave you options you didn’t have alone and it emboldened people.
“Is someone else with you?”
Leah kept looking back over her shoulder; compulsively, nervously, like she was worried someone was behind her or like she was expecting someone. If it was the latter then things might become another dangerous situation; everyone seemed to be travelling in packs now and Akeno hadn’t had the best of luck with groups. This girl hadn’t seemed all that willing to fight back on the cruise ship, but having someone at your back gave you options you didn’t have alone and it emboldened people.
“Is someone else with you?”
Right at that moment, Akeno’s question was answered by a series of taps.
((Mary Cheung continued from The Kids Are All Wrong))
Mary kinda lagged behind. Which was a shame, because, y’know…
She’d already lost people.
It didn’t help that she was back at the ghost ship haunted house place thing again. It was certainly a step up from the ‘Rocket Boat’. More like the ‘chunks rocketing out of my body because of how ugly it is boat’, right? But even jokes didn’t help. Dale and Rebecca still floated around in her mind. Anyways, the ghost ship was a step up, but she needed a bath, cool new duds, and to find Leo again. None of which were here.
…
She had been here with him, though. He and Genevieve.
Mary tried to keep her mind off it by tapping a tune out with her oar against the walls as she walked. It sounded a bit familiar, but she couldn’t remember the song, or if she was purposely trying to create a song. She put a stop to that, though, once she realized that, hey, way to announce your arrival?
So she turned a corner, and found Leah. A smile crossed her face, before she saw Akeno was there too. Her fingers tightened on the oar. Goody. More people to deal with.
“Hey Leah,” she nodded, stepping closer while keeping her oar close. “Akeno?”
((Mary Cheung continued from The Kids Are All Wrong))
Mary kinda lagged behind. Which was a shame, because, y’know…
She’d already lost people.
It didn’t help that she was back at the ghost ship haunted house place thing again. It was certainly a step up from the ‘Rocket Boat’. More like the ‘chunks rocketing out of my body because of how ugly it is boat’, right? But even jokes didn’t help. Dale and Rebecca still floated around in her mind. Anyways, the ghost ship was a step up, but she needed a bath, cool new duds, and to find Leo again. None of which were here.
…
She had been here with him, though. He and Genevieve.
Mary tried to keep her mind off it by tapping a tune out with her oar against the walls as she walked. It sounded a bit familiar, but she couldn’t remember the song, or if she was purposely trying to create a song. She put a stop to that, though, once she realized that, hey, way to announce your arrival?
So she turned a corner, and found Leah. A smile crossed her face, before she saw Akeno was there too. Her fingers tightened on the oar. Goody. More people to deal with.
“Hey Leah,” she nodded, stepping closer while keeping her oar close. “Akeno?”
"Well,"
"Y-Yea-"
And Mary appeared!
"Yeah, that's her, um, hi, Akeno. Nice to... meet you again."
She needed to stop looking at the ground so much, if she wanted to watch out for guns instead. But she couldn't stop. Her eyes just refused to look at her again. Leah chewed on her lip and was brutally aware of the fact that blood has a distinctive, metallic smell which lingered upon her and the weapon in her backpack and also probably this whole flotilla, where over half of the people here have died already. About forty children. Eighty parents. One-hundred and sixty grandparents, give or take. Hundred and thousands of friends, millions that would see them exist, if not just for a moment as pixels on a screen, millions of impressionable people whom their performance would influence and entertain and imprint on, and wasn't that terrifying?
Death was meant to be a private thing, Leah was sure. That one moment where the connection between one and there rest of the living world got- severed, cut off, something like that. And Leah had always thought she lived in a small world, kind of, even now, and when she killed Rebecca she was thinking about her parents and herself and Jewel and Mary and the girl dead in her arms. And she wasn't really thinking all that much about the, y'know, all of the cameras and the editors and the watchers. As if this whole ordeal wasn't bad enough already. She would be- would be imprinted on everybody watching, not just the girls in front of her, not just the dust settling in this dark, dusty ship, not just the people who she would directly influence with a forceful hand and acts of violence.
Leah took a- once again, and then again- deep, deep breath, in through the mouth and out through the nose because she had forgotten to take a mint this morning.
And she tore her head away from the floor, a bit too fast. Felt the muscles and tendons and whatever stretch and almost snap in her head with the force of it, like someone just doused her with cold water, and forced them- fought against that repelling magnetic force- to look at somewhere around Akeno's face, not exactly her eyes yet but pinpointed with the mouth at the center, or perhaps the nose. Her face was kept emotionless, or at least that's what she tried her best to do. It wasn't really a challenge, no, not really, it wasn't, like, "Yeah, we are on different teams, and it's two-against one so what are you gonna do?" as much as it was a bit tired and resigned, with cautious curiosity bubbling underneath the layer, trying to determine if the fight from last time the two met would repeat.
Because that's what the watchers want, and that's what it would all boil down to...
Yeah. That's, um, a bit easier to justify everything when you put it that way, like, if it isn't one person doing the killing then it's another because this was the way this game is designed and this was the way they were raised, it's not their fault, it's not Junji's fault that he thought the first thing to do when he saw somebody would probably always be violence, because he was raised with violence as his milk in some twisted metaphorical way, and it wasn't really Jewel's fault that ten children are dead because somebody else would've killed them anyways, and it weren't any of their faults, they were all born lovely and young and innocent.
Maybe it she repeated it enough times she could take that boiling anger away from the stovetop.
"Do you..."
"Nevermind."
Leah was always kind of a tall girl, even when she was younger. She was a head taller than the shortest boy in sixth grade, and while her growth had stopped as early as it has started, she could still say with confidence that she is above the American average. So it kind of felt odd, because both Mary and Akeno seemed to make her feel so, so small. She was tall, but she had never felt tall, the way that she felt like Akeno was tall and kind of scary. She wondered if this was what Maxine felt.
"Y-Yea-"
And Mary appeared!
"Yeah, that's her, um, hi, Akeno. Nice to... meet you again."
She needed to stop looking at the ground so much, if she wanted to watch out for guns instead. But she couldn't stop. Her eyes just refused to look at her again. Leah chewed on her lip and was brutally aware of the fact that blood has a distinctive, metallic smell which lingered upon her and the weapon in her backpack and also probably this whole flotilla, where over half of the people here have died already. About forty children. Eighty parents. One-hundred and sixty grandparents, give or take. Hundred and thousands of friends, millions that would see them exist, if not just for a moment as pixels on a screen, millions of impressionable people whom their performance would influence and entertain and imprint on, and wasn't that terrifying?
Death was meant to be a private thing, Leah was sure. That one moment where the connection between one and there rest of the living world got- severed, cut off, something like that. And Leah had always thought she lived in a small world, kind of, even now, and when she killed Rebecca she was thinking about her parents and herself and Jewel and Mary and the girl dead in her arms. And she wasn't really thinking all that much about the, y'know, all of the cameras and the editors and the watchers. As if this whole ordeal wasn't bad enough already. She would be- would be imprinted on everybody watching, not just the girls in front of her, not just the dust settling in this dark, dusty ship, not just the people who she would directly influence with a forceful hand and acts of violence.
Leah took a- once again, and then again- deep, deep breath, in through the mouth and out through the nose because she had forgotten to take a mint this morning.
And she tore her head away from the floor, a bit too fast. Felt the muscles and tendons and whatever stretch and almost snap in her head with the force of it, like someone just doused her with cold water, and forced them- fought against that repelling magnetic force- to look at somewhere around Akeno's face, not exactly her eyes yet but pinpointed with the mouth at the center, or perhaps the nose. Her face was kept emotionless, or at least that's what she tried her best to do. It wasn't really a challenge, no, not really, it wasn't, like, "Yeah, we are on different teams, and it's two-against one so what are you gonna do?" as much as it was a bit tired and resigned, with cautious curiosity bubbling underneath the layer, trying to determine if the fight from last time the two met would repeat.
Because that's what the watchers want, and that's what it would all boil down to...
Yeah. That's, um, a bit easier to justify everything when you put it that way, like, if it isn't one person doing the killing then it's another because this was the way this game is designed and this was the way they were raised, it's not their fault, it's not Junji's fault that he thought the first thing to do when he saw somebody would probably always be violence, because he was raised with violence as his milk in some twisted metaphorical way, and it wasn't really Jewel's fault that ten children are dead because somebody else would've killed them anyways, and it weren't any of their faults, they were all born lovely and young and innocent.
Maybe it she repeated it enough times she could take that boiling anger away from the stovetop.
"Do you..."
"Nevermind."
Leah was always kind of a tall girl, even when she was younger. She was a head taller than the shortest boy in sixth grade, and while her growth had stopped as early as it has started, she could still say with confidence that she is above the American average. So it kind of felt odd, because both Mary and Akeno seemed to make her feel so, so small. She was tall, but she had never felt tall, the way that she felt like Akeno was tall and kind of scary. She wondered if this was what Maxine felt.
Her question answered itself when Mary made her presence known, the tapping of her oar on the walls announcing her arrival long before she came into view. It seemed she wasn’t expecting anyone else to be waiting for her except Leah and Akeno saw the moment when Mary realised they weren’t alone; her smile froze in place and the oar stilled, instantly on guard.
Akeno drummed her fingers against her thigh as she considered what to make of this situation.
Mary was someone Akeno knew of but not someone she’d really spoken too much; they were technically part of the same social circles but kind of on opposite sides of it, she guessed. A friend of a friend of a friend maybe or, no, Mary was probably friends with Lucille in some way, so a friend of a friend; she remembered Lucille mentioning something about a hurricane party the other girl had hosted. Akeno might have gone to it but she’d known her parents would never let her go so she’d never asked; it wasn’t a battle worth picking at the time, though she kind of regretted it now.
Not that things like that mattered anymore.
“Hi Mary.”
Mary wasn’t wearing white either, which meant that neither of these girls were on her team and neither of them were her friends. Akeno didn’t think that they were the type to just attack her out of nowhere, but season after season of this show had proven that those kind of assumptions were dangerous; there was no telling what Leah or Mary had been through, how their experiences had changed them and she didn’t know them that well to begin with. Besides, Leah had seen her assault another person a day or so ago so they had justifiable reasons to consider her a threat at this point; Mary didn’t, unless she remembered the first announcement, but she might follow Leah’s lead even if she didn’t.
Akeno continued to drum against her thigh.
They could attack her. The possibility of it had to be considered, at least; anyone not on her own team was a danger. Given the way this season seemed to be going, even sharing a team with someone didn’t make them safe to be around. They were, she was sure, thinking the same thing about her; would she attack them? Was she dangerous? At this point, Akeno didn’t know the answer herself. Although she had decided to spend her time preparing for the end of this game instead of trying to escape it, to avoid unnecessary fights, a part of her was contemplating just attacking these two anyway. Better to be on the offensive and in control of the situation, than to let someone else take the initiative. There would be no more uncertainty about whether or not this would turn violent if she was the one to throw the first punch. But there was little to gain and a lot to risk if she started a fight for no reason.
She was still looking at Mary, considering her options when a motion out of the corner of her eye caught her attention. Leah had snapped her head up and Akeno’s head snapped towards her in the same moment, the drumming against her leg stopping abruptly as her hands clenched into fists.
A moment later she took a breath and forced her hands relax.
It was nothing; just Leah starting to ask a question and abandoning it halfway. Not an attack. Akeno let her fingers uncurl, let her shoulders sag; her shoulders which were now turned towards Leah, to face the girl square on in preparation for… whatever she thought Leah had been about to do.
“What were you going to ask?”
Akeno drummed her fingers against her thigh as she considered what to make of this situation.
Mary was someone Akeno knew of but not someone she’d really spoken too much; they were technically part of the same social circles but kind of on opposite sides of it, she guessed. A friend of a friend of a friend maybe or, no, Mary was probably friends with Lucille in some way, so a friend of a friend; she remembered Lucille mentioning something about a hurricane party the other girl had hosted. Akeno might have gone to it but she’d known her parents would never let her go so she’d never asked; it wasn’t a battle worth picking at the time, though she kind of regretted it now.
Not that things like that mattered anymore.
“Hi Mary.”
Mary wasn’t wearing white either, which meant that neither of these girls were on her team and neither of them were her friends. Akeno didn’t think that they were the type to just attack her out of nowhere, but season after season of this show had proven that those kind of assumptions were dangerous; there was no telling what Leah or Mary had been through, how their experiences had changed them and she didn’t know them that well to begin with. Besides, Leah had seen her assault another person a day or so ago so they had justifiable reasons to consider her a threat at this point; Mary didn’t, unless she remembered the first announcement, but she might follow Leah’s lead even if she didn’t.
Akeno continued to drum against her thigh.
They could attack her. The possibility of it had to be considered, at least; anyone not on her own team was a danger. Given the way this season seemed to be going, even sharing a team with someone didn’t make them safe to be around. They were, she was sure, thinking the same thing about her; would she attack them? Was she dangerous? At this point, Akeno didn’t know the answer herself. Although she had decided to spend her time preparing for the end of this game instead of trying to escape it, to avoid unnecessary fights, a part of her was contemplating just attacking these two anyway. Better to be on the offensive and in control of the situation, than to let someone else take the initiative. There would be no more uncertainty about whether or not this would turn violent if she was the one to throw the first punch. But there was little to gain and a lot to risk if she started a fight for no reason.
She was still looking at Mary, considering her options when a motion out of the corner of her eye caught her attention. Leah had snapped her head up and Akeno’s head snapped towards her in the same moment, the drumming against her leg stopping abruptly as her hands clenched into fists.
A moment later she took a breath and forced her hands relax.
It was nothing; just Leah starting to ask a question and abandoning it halfway. Not an attack. Akeno let her fingers uncurl, let her shoulders sag; her shoulders which were now turned towards Leah, to face the girl square on in preparation for… whatever she thought Leah had been about to do.
“What were you going to ask?”
Hm. She needed new makeup. Mary didn’t feel 100% herself with a bare face, really. It only made that bath and that shop boat visit more important. Jewel said people had started wrecking the place, and she hoped that meant that they didn’t destroy any wearable clothes and the possibility of salvaging a palette or something. She was already feeling the sweat stick a little.
Oh, her thoughts wandered again. Akeno was… still a thing?
Mary continued to keep her oar close.
If Akeno did something, she would be outnumbered. Leah and Mary both were on the black team, and she didn’t see a black bandana anywhere on Akeno.
Her eyes snapped towards the direction Leah and Akeno looked, before snapping back.
“Uh… yeah,” she began, before straightening herself out.
Oar still had that tight grip.
“Do you know anything about the shop boat?”
Maybe that’d encourage Leah to speak up a little more?
Oh, her thoughts wandered again. Akeno was… still a thing?
Mary continued to keep her oar close.
If Akeno did something, she would be outnumbered. Leah and Mary both were on the black team, and she didn’t see a black bandana anywhere on Akeno.
Her eyes snapped towards the direction Leah and Akeno looked, before snapping back.
“Uh… yeah,” she began, before straightening herself out.
Oar still had that tight grip.
“Do you know anything about the shop boat?”
Maybe that’d encourage Leah to speak up a little more?
The... the shop boat?
What?
Her attention span had been cut by half and then cut down again over the last few days, just like all the lifespans of children who could've done great things.
She's so tired... So tired and hungry and she wanted to go home. When she gets home, she wanted to have a nice big meal, all warm and comforting and cooked by somebody other than herself for once. And she'd hug her dad, and hug her mom, and hug everybody and let herself cry more, and she'd not care about anything else in the world.
Not when. If. Yeah. If.
Who was she kidding, that would never happen. And she'd never hug her mom. And she was just trying to weave herself a perfect little fantasy to help her push through and it was so obviously a fantasy that now she was more hopeless than ever.
That sort of internal hedonism made her feel almost guilty.
Why the shop boat again?
"I just... I'm not sure if Jewel could respond, but I was about to ask her about, um, you. Sorry, just- this game really brings out the trust issues in all of us, heh," and the laugh was glaringly forced out to even the most detached of observers. Just- the fakest laugh to ever laugh. Leah knew it was bad the moment she forced it out of her mouth. Stupid. So stupid. Why'd she say that?
"But, y'know... she's probably busy. And limited."
Limited. That's really a way to consider it. Should she be angry at the producers for limiting her access to her living lifeline, when there were still so many things she has left to be angry at them for?
The hands she put behind her back were an inherently suspicious gesture despite the look of crushed hope in her eyes. Leah hoped that Akeno was as bad as detecting social cues as she were. Mary seemed to be the among the only capably charismatic person she's met on here so far, though the rules of the game majorly tainted her perception of everybody around her.
What?
Her attention span had been cut by half and then cut down again over the last few days, just like all the lifespans of children who could've done great things.
She's so tired... So tired and hungry and she wanted to go home. When she gets home, she wanted to have a nice big meal, all warm and comforting and cooked by somebody other than herself for once. And she'd hug her dad, and hug her mom, and hug everybody and let herself cry more, and she'd not care about anything else in the world.
Not when. If. Yeah. If.
Who was she kidding, that would never happen. And she'd never hug her mom. And she was just trying to weave herself a perfect little fantasy to help her push through and it was so obviously a fantasy that now she was more hopeless than ever.
That sort of internal hedonism made her feel almost guilty.
Why the shop boat again?
"I just... I'm not sure if Jewel could respond, but I was about to ask her about, um, you. Sorry, just- this game really brings out the trust issues in all of us, heh," and the laugh was glaringly forced out to even the most detached of observers. Just- the fakest laugh to ever laugh. Leah knew it was bad the moment she forced it out of her mouth. Stupid. So stupid. Why'd she say that?
"But, y'know... she's probably busy. And limited."
Limited. That's really a way to consider it. Should she be angry at the producers for limiting her access to her living lifeline, when there were still so many things she has left to be angry at them for?
The hands she put behind her back were an inherently suspicious gesture despite the look of crushed hope in her eyes. Leah hoped that Akeno was as bad as detecting social cues as she were. Mary seemed to be the among the only capably charismatic person she's met on here so far, though the rules of the game majorly tainted her perception of everybody around her.
“I haven’t been to the shop boat.” It would probably be Mary who attacked her first, if either of them were going to make a move against her. Just a hunch on her part, but the girl with the only visible weapon among the three of them seemed more alert, more on guard, than her friend; Leah seemed anxious more than anything. Mary would be the one to come to a decision first. “Sorry, can’t tell you anything.”
Or did that anxiousness make Leah more likely to act first? Akeno wasn’t going to act unless one of them did first and Mary might be thinking the same about her; Leah was the unpredictable one with the way she was acting, maybe. Or maybe she was wrong about both of them. They were equally unpredictable because Akeno didn’t have any idea what either of them was thinking; what either of them was capable of. The only person whose actions she knew for sure were her own, her thoughts the only certainty she was dealing with.
Attack them herself and she wouldn’t have to wonder which one she should watch out for.
“Jewel? You’re mentor is Jewel?” That was an interesting tidbit, but hardly useful information given the circumstances. Strange that Leah would think to ask her mentor for advice right in front of her though, where she would presumably be able to hear anything last season’s winner said.
Would Jewel advise them to kill her? She won her own season by getting ten kills, though Akeno hadn’t paid her any attention until it looked like she was going to make it; would she advocate for a violent approach here? They outnumbered her and had the only weapon that was worth anything in a brawl. It wouldn’t be a terrible idea for them, in all honesty.
“I’ll save you the trouble; I’m unarmed and I’m not planning on killing you. I’ve killed someone before, but it doesn’t help me to fight you here.” Two meaningless extra kills and a wooden oar weren’t worth the risk of injury or death. “Ask Jewel for confirmation if you want, but we can just go our separate ways here.”
Or did that anxiousness make Leah more likely to act first? Akeno wasn’t going to act unless one of them did first and Mary might be thinking the same about her; Leah was the unpredictable one with the way she was acting, maybe. Or maybe she was wrong about both of them. They were equally unpredictable because Akeno didn’t have any idea what either of them was thinking; what either of them was capable of. The only person whose actions she knew for sure were her own, her thoughts the only certainty she was dealing with.
Attack them herself and she wouldn’t have to wonder which one she should watch out for.
“Jewel? You’re mentor is Jewel?” That was an interesting tidbit, but hardly useful information given the circumstances. Strange that Leah would think to ask her mentor for advice right in front of her though, where she would presumably be able to hear anything last season’s winner said.
Would Jewel advise them to kill her? She won her own season by getting ten kills, though Akeno hadn’t paid her any attention until it looked like she was going to make it; would she advocate for a violent approach here? They outnumbered her and had the only weapon that was worth anything in a brawl. It wouldn’t be a terrible idea for them, in all honesty.
“I’ll save you the trouble; I’m unarmed and I’m not planning on killing you. I’ve killed someone before, but it doesn’t help me to fight you here.” Two meaningless extra kills and a wooden oar weren’t worth the risk of injury or death. “Ask Jewel for confirmation if you want, but we can just go our separate ways here.”
“Ah, okay. Was asking, because, like, clean clothes and toiletries and makeup are a must, right? Ha... Apparently someone trashed it, though.”
Mary hadn’t thought to ask Jewel in the moment, but, well, curiosity finally kicked in here, right now. She still needed to visit Leo, too. Plans did make things go a little smoother, even if she hated making them and then abiding by them.
Her fingers drummed along the oar in thought.
Akeno was a killer, but also she said she wasn’t planning on killing them. By the sound of things, she realized there was no practical need here. She did seem interested in the fact that their mentor was Jewel, though.
A lot of questions came to the forefront. About Akeno, and whether Jewel would chip in again. About where Leah wanted to take this.
Mary noticed the bandana on Akeno, too. White. She remembered seeing it before. She thought of Leo, and of Genevieve, and of Emmy.
“I don’t think there’s any real need to kill you, either? So, are we just… leaving? Or no?”
She forced out a nervous laugh.
Mary hadn’t thought to ask Jewel in the moment, but, well, curiosity finally kicked in here, right now. She still needed to visit Leo, too. Plans did make things go a little smoother, even if she hated making them and then abiding by them.
Her fingers drummed along the oar in thought.
Akeno was a killer, but also she said she wasn’t planning on killing them. By the sound of things, she realized there was no practical need here. She did seem interested in the fact that their mentor was Jewel, though.
A lot of questions came to the forefront. About Akeno, and whether Jewel would chip in again. About where Leah wanted to take this.
Mary noticed the bandana on Akeno, too. White. She remembered seeing it before. She thought of Leo, and of Genevieve, and of Emmy.
“I don’t think there’s any real need to kill you, either? So, are we just… leaving? Or no?”
She forced out a nervous laugh.
Peace is an act of rebellion in this environment. The lack of violence enacted upon the children would be direct, metaphorical violence against the system that pitted them together.
Or maybe she was thinking too hard about this, but her thoughts were the only things she had that she would always have until the end. It was two against one but Akeno had more murders on her than the two against her, averaged out, so, like, she'd be more of a murderer than them, kind of, and that made her more dangerous, and that's the kind of things that the viewers who only cared about points would say.
This isn't a competition. This isn't 'highest score wins.' It's a story wrapped in a game wrapped in an arbitrary point system that enables the real show. This isn't reality TV because reality TV is rigged.
She had a narrative so interwoven into her own mind that it made her feel a little like her own protagonist in a way, which was stupid. Because everybody else was more interesting than her, the girl who just stood around and freaked out and read books, but inside everybody is a narcissist making the story all about themselves. And the story for her, as Leah-the-Protagonist (impossible) was that Akeno could be a side character, a blip in her narrative that ultimately would still be more interesting than her hours of useless angsting, or she could be a major factor, a driving force, a motivator for her to transform and evolve and go through character development.
And Leah didn't want to transform. People liked watching other people turn worse. She wanted to be better but she didn't know how, but she wouldn't let herself be worse, even when everything here was about making people bad people.
The viewers threw stones from glass houses.
How marketable was she, anyways? She could only be a side character there to be killed by somebody interesting, and that person would only be part of the supporting cast, like, at most.
And, well, this was important, right? Because she, um, could easily stay with Akeno and then she’d betray their trust and kill her and Mary, but if she leaves right now there might be somebody right outside waiting to kill her, or maybe Akeno could have been their friend (no she couldn’t) but then she’d run into a situation where Akeno wouldn’t be there to help bail them out, and there are so many possibilities that she’d never taken and there’s so many ways her life could have gone in the past minute, or the past hour, or the past eighteen dissatisfied years, and she wanted to cry again.
But she didn’t.
Instead, she shrugged.
“If you want to leave, I guess. I don’t have any preference right now.”
Maybe leaving is better. Having people around makes her feel all itchy and anxious. So many people in the Selkies killed each other. It sort of made her all scared if the whole teams thing wouldn’t work out.
(Who was she kidding, of course it wouldn’t.)
Or maybe she was thinking too hard about this, but her thoughts were the only things she had that she would always have until the end. It was two against one but Akeno had more murders on her than the two against her, averaged out, so, like, she'd be more of a murderer than them, kind of, and that made her more dangerous, and that's the kind of things that the viewers who only cared about points would say.
This isn't a competition. This isn't 'highest score wins.' It's a story wrapped in a game wrapped in an arbitrary point system that enables the real show. This isn't reality TV because reality TV is rigged.
She had a narrative so interwoven into her own mind that it made her feel a little like her own protagonist in a way, which was stupid. Because everybody else was more interesting than her, the girl who just stood around and freaked out and read books, but inside everybody is a narcissist making the story all about themselves. And the story for her, as Leah-the-Protagonist (impossible) was that Akeno could be a side character, a blip in her narrative that ultimately would still be more interesting than her hours of useless angsting, or she could be a major factor, a driving force, a motivator for her to transform and evolve and go through character development.
And Leah didn't want to transform. People liked watching other people turn worse. She wanted to be better but she didn't know how, but she wouldn't let herself be worse, even when everything here was about making people bad people.
The viewers threw stones from glass houses.
How marketable was she, anyways? She could only be a side character there to be killed by somebody interesting, and that person would only be part of the supporting cast, like, at most.
And, well, this was important, right? Because she, um, could easily stay with Akeno and then she’d betray their trust and kill her and Mary, but if she leaves right now there might be somebody right outside waiting to kill her, or maybe Akeno could have been their friend (no she couldn’t) but then she’d run into a situation where Akeno wouldn’t be there to help bail them out, and there are so many possibilities that she’d never taken and there’s so many ways her life could have gone in the past minute, or the past hour, or the past eighteen dissatisfied years, and she wanted to cry again.
But she didn’t.
Instead, she shrugged.
“If you want to leave, I guess. I don’t have any preference right now.”
Maybe leaving is better. Having people around makes her feel all itchy and anxious. So many people in the Selkies killed each other. It sort of made her all scared if the whole teams thing wouldn’t work out.
(Who was she kidding, of course it wouldn’t.)
“You could leave, or you could stay and I’ll leave; that’s fine to.” Akeno would probably leave anyway once they were gone; now that she was well and truly awake she wouldn’t be able to go back to sleep again. Even if she could, staying here now that people knew where she was didn’t sit well with her. She’d leave as soon as these two were out of sight, if they left.
“Or we both stay. Mary puts down the oar; we take a break, talk. Something like that.” Making awkward conversation while pretending that some or all of them would be dead by the end of this wasn’t at the top of things she wanted to do, honestly. The offer was made regardless, the option given. A peaceful resolution that didn’t involve one of them needing to turn their backs on the other. Not yet anyway.
She hoped they didn’t pick that option. Or the next one.
“Or we try and kill each other.”
Akeno let that last choice hang ominously between them. This was the turning point, she supposed; the moment where they either went their separate ways or this devolved into another fight. Akeno knew which outcome she wanted, which also happened to be the outcome she needed right now; it sounded like Mary and Leah wanted the same, but that didn’t necessary mean they would just leave. Need over want. If they needed something from her they might choose to stay.
The hand that had been drumming on her thigh had stopped; her body tense and ready to react.
It was moments like this that would have the audience on the edge of their seats, she imagined. Well, she didn’t need to imagine actually; just remember. Depending on how this played out people might be talking about this at school tomorrow, or at work; either talking about the fight or their deaths, or complaining about their disappointment if this ended peacefully. Her friends at the dojo would be the type hoping to see a bloody fight, though if they were watching her now things might be different. Lucille… her friend wasn’t the type to perch on the edge of her seat, she liked to act like she was too above-it-all for that, but they’d both be wondering how this would play out were they watching this from the comfort of her couch right now. Lucille would probably say she was disappointed if they didn’t fight while being relieved that nothing had happened.
Akeno would have wanted to see a fight. It was the main reason she watched after all, the tense moments before the fights themselves never really interested her; the stories of the people involved and the drama, the little by-plays and interactions that occurred when friends or enemies ran into each other; all of that was just the fluff she sat through to get to the fights.
The people. She’d never really cared about the people while watching.
Perhaps being thrown into situations like this was karma for that.
“Or we both stay. Mary puts down the oar; we take a break, talk. Something like that.” Making awkward conversation while pretending that some or all of them would be dead by the end of this wasn’t at the top of things she wanted to do, honestly. The offer was made regardless, the option given. A peaceful resolution that didn’t involve one of them needing to turn their backs on the other. Not yet anyway.
She hoped they didn’t pick that option. Or the next one.
“Or we try and kill each other.”
Akeno let that last choice hang ominously between them. This was the turning point, she supposed; the moment where they either went their separate ways or this devolved into another fight. Akeno knew which outcome she wanted, which also happened to be the outcome she needed right now; it sounded like Mary and Leah wanted the same, but that didn’t necessary mean they would just leave. Need over want. If they needed something from her they might choose to stay.
The hand that had been drumming on her thigh had stopped; her body tense and ready to react.
It was moments like this that would have the audience on the edge of their seats, she imagined. Well, she didn’t need to imagine actually; just remember. Depending on how this played out people might be talking about this at school tomorrow, or at work; either talking about the fight or their deaths, or complaining about their disappointment if this ended peacefully. Her friends at the dojo would be the type hoping to see a bloody fight, though if they were watching her now things might be different. Lucille… her friend wasn’t the type to perch on the edge of her seat, she liked to act like she was too above-it-all for that, but they’d both be wondering how this would play out were they watching this from the comfort of her couch right now. Lucille would probably say she was disappointed if they didn’t fight while being relieved that nothing had happened.
Akeno would have wanted to see a fight. It was the main reason she watched after all, the tense moments before the fights themselves never really interested her; the stories of the people involved and the drama, the little by-plays and interactions that occurred when friends or enemies ran into each other; all of that was just the fluff she sat through to get to the fights.
The people. She’d never really cared about the people while watching.
Perhaps being thrown into situations like this was karma for that.
Mary rapidly blinked.
Scusey, say that again? Did you just make a direct ultimatum for her to put the oar down? Making orders about what she should and shouldn’t do, like nobody’s business? Not even addressing her personally?
Kind of rude, no?
Mary felt her knuckles tighten even further, reminding her of the bandages. She closed her eyes. You’re overreacting, she just means putting down the weapons, right? Akeno didn’t mean to go after her specifically. But oh. It stung anyways. Her heart plunged a little.
Take a deep breath. Another. Another.
Open your eyes.
“Fine. If you want to talk…”
Mary walked towards the nearest wall, and leaned the oar against it. Leaned herself against it, crossing her arms with a frown. Her eyes darted to the nearest camera she could see, looking back from a corner across from her. Then to Leah, then to Akeno.
It really was no use fighting. Sure, they outnumbered her, but she also just remembered Akeno had these martial arts skills which might give her an edge. Akeno and Leah had both killed before, too. So it’d be silly to pick a fight. She thought of the white bandanna, too. Might not be the best to leave right away either. Sure, it delayed the shop boat visit and the Leo visit, but--
She uncrossed her arms.
“So…”
Small talk was never her forte.
“Is there anything you feel we should look out for? Threat-wise, I mean.”
Scusey, say that again? Did you just make a direct ultimatum for her to put the oar down? Making orders about what she should and shouldn’t do, like nobody’s business? Not even addressing her personally?
Kind of rude, no?
Mary felt her knuckles tighten even further, reminding her of the bandages. She closed her eyes. You’re overreacting, she just means putting down the weapons, right? Akeno didn’t mean to go after her specifically. But oh. It stung anyways. Her heart plunged a little.
Take a deep breath. Another. Another.
Open your eyes.
“Fine. If you want to talk…”
Mary walked towards the nearest wall, and leaned the oar against it. Leaned herself against it, crossing her arms with a frown. Her eyes darted to the nearest camera she could see, looking back from a corner across from her. Then to Leah, then to Akeno.
It really was no use fighting. Sure, they outnumbered her, but she also just remembered Akeno had these martial arts skills which might give her an edge. Akeno and Leah had both killed before, too. So it’d be silly to pick a fight. She thought of the white bandanna, too. Might not be the best to leave right away either. Sure, it delayed the shop boat visit and the Leo visit, but--
She uncrossed her arms.
“So…”
Small talk was never her forte.
“Is there anything you feel we should look out for? Threat-wise, I mean.”