TV3: The Second Announcement

[Wham Yubeesling]

“Um...

“Hi. Um, wait, hi, Shiva. That hi was for you. I wanna talk.

“Um...

“Sorry for calling you Elon Musk earlier. I can’t… really remember why I said it. I think… I don’t know. I was really upset about all the… everything of this, and knowing that I had someone who… I thought wasn’t going to give me anything really helpful, I… I don’t know. I kind of wanted to complain. Lash… lash out? I don’t know. I knew you were kind of a tech bro… dude, from what I’ve heard of you in the news, so, I, um…

“Sorry.

“It… wasn’t really anything personal, I…

“I just don’t really like motivational speakers that much.

“We had a bunch of them come to our school over the past year. Like, um, you know all the stuff about how our school has rankings and not grades and such? There were, um, major complaints about how that was stressing out students and causing mental health problems so their response was to hire a bunch of motivational speakers to take us out of class say how we could destroy the SATs and ACTs and stuff because we’re smart and we secretly are super powerful and stronger than we think and I get that they were trying their best and I get that it was supposed to make me feel better about myself, but…

“I honestly hated every minute of whenever they came.

“Because it’s like, they were pretending like they knew me. Like, that I was just… someone who hadn’t seen their full potential and that if I was just able to grasp myself I’d suddenly be good at, like, the subject I dropped after failing in year ten or the subject really dependent on what… what randomly chosen variables I’d prepared for in my English essays and such, and it’s, like… do you even know me? Do you… not think I’m genuinely trying my hardest every time I try to keep my focus in class? Do you think I can genuinely do better when I just try to get the thing done and the best I ever achieve are Cs? Do you think-

“I…

“Sorry. Don’t know where I was going with that. My, um, I got my point through? Like, I’ve always felt like they were fake and didn’t really know about me at all but they thought like they did and then they just… went right up to the auditorium stage and told me lies. I know they’re supposed to make me feel better, but…

“I think I would’ve just preferred them to tell the truth.

“Maybe then I… wouldn’t have gotten my hopes up so many times.

“So, um, yeah, that’s… um, my apology? I think? I don’t really think that really works as an apology at all so, um, sorry about that, but… I dunno. I just thought you were going to be useless to me and then…

“You helped me out?

“Back there. With Bacchia and James and… Keegan. You told me that me and Alyssa had to get out of there and… admittedly I was kind of getting that idea myself already but it still helped. You backed me up. If you hadn’t said that maybe I would have gaslit myself into thinking that I was just overreacting and maybe I wouldn’t have been able to fight when Bacchia leapt at me and-

“

“

“I meant to say, um, thank you. For helping me there. Sorry. I’ll stop adding random stuff to what I actually need to say. I’ll just…

“Okay. I have two things. Two- questions, I mean. Two questions. Um. Don’t answer the first one immediately because I don’t really want to lose more ‘you talk’ time than I have to. I…

“Actually, um, let’s see if doing something like this works. I just… saw a corpse in that room. Over there. Same place I fought Bacchia. I, um, took a peep over the cover, and-

“I don’t… know…

“Sorry. This is probably me being sidetracked and this isn’t my actual question but what was the point of covering it up like that? Like, you stabbed them. You… you… messed them up. Really bad. I, um, didn’t really look that hard because it was my first corpse and I think everyone reacts to their first real corpse by going ‘oh god, a corpse, that’s so horrible,’ but, like, I got the gist. Whoever killed Calla, whoever left her corpse like… that, didn’t really think a lot of her. Like, it doesn’t really take a lot to kill someone. Whoever… went crazy on her wanted her to suffer. Scream. They didn’t want her to go out quick, so then, like… why then cover that up with a blanket? If you murdered her like that, then… why try and act like she then deserved better?

“Like, I don’t know. Covering corpses up with sheets so that people uncover the sheet and look at the corpse anyway is, like, one of the things the… ‘sympathetic’ killers do. The people who are like ‘oh no, I really wish there was another way through this’ and then keep murdering people anyway. Who act as if there’s… no other choice when it’s really easy to not murder people. And they didn’t even shoot her. Like, they disem- they did things. They made her hurt. She probably screamed and, like-

“Do you really think you’re sympathetic?

“Can you really just put a blanket over someone’s corpse and act as if… you can use that to say you’re still a good person?

“

“

“Sorry. Babbling. The actual thing is that, um, I saw the bandanna. I know she’s on my team, and…

“Okay. Let’s see if it’s possible to communicate like this. Don’t respond to me yet, but when you do, um…

“If it’s possible for you to communicate with me extra times each cycle if I… extract her collar and take it with me, put the word… ‘loveless’ into the next thing you say to me. If, um, the guys who oversee you say that can’t happen then put the word… ‘banana’ in, instead.

“You could probably also just, um, tell me, but I kinda wanna see if this works. It’d be…

“Ahaha.

“It’d be kinda great.

“But, um don’t say anything yet, because I still wanna say, um…

“

“

“

“

“Don’t say anything. Sorry. It’s just, um, hard. Like, so many people when they hear you have mental health… stuff are just like ‘open up! people won’t be able to help you if they don’t know you’re suffering!’ as if it’s just… easy. To do that. Like being able to admit to the absolute worst things about you. Like telling someone to their face that you’re… way weaker than they thought you were. Like even actually being able to have people you trust enough to be able to tell that to in the first place. They say that… like they think it’s easy to live with. They say that like they know what they’re talking about.

“You, um, actually you probably already know what I’m talking about. They gave you, like, all the dirt they had on me, right? All the stuff about… my meltdown in that exam and councilling. Probably… the other things too.

“Doesn’t really matter. It’s… it’s just that…

“I’m so fucked.

“Like… not even in here, but… yeah, in here. I’m so fucked in here. I know that that’s a weal-

“Weaww-

“Really. Reawly bad seg-uu-way, but… that’s kind of what I wanted to talk about. I’m… you know what I said about how, like, people try to be sympathetic but aren’t really sympathetic? That’s, um, me. I was subtweeting myself. It’s…

“I…

“I killed someone.

“And I thought I killed Keegan too. I still… I still think I am. I still think that’s going to happen. At any point Ritzy’s going to come up and tell me he bled out because there’s no way he could’ve lived through that and-

“I keep

“I keep fucking things up.

“And I keep thinking I’m going to fuck things up. I keep viewing things in terms of… how do I not fuck things up. Like with Alyssa and the other girl in the corridors. Like with Leah and the other two in the bowels. I keep thinking I’m going to fuck things up. Cause a third to die. And I- I keep having to stop it. I keep having to intervene and stop- stop bad things from happening. Stop- stop me from bringing bad things on everyone.

“And I- and I know that it’s on me. That it’d be so easy for me to just… not shoot people. Not make bad things happen, but, but it’s like… it’s like there’s something. Something making me. Something that made Tim fly when I let go of my bag and something that managed to throw him hard enough for him to break his knee when he hit the ground and something that gave me two guns and something that made me hit my friend directly in the stomach when I fired them for the first time and then something that made me lived when I killed myself and-”

“Hakkgh-

“Igg-

“Sorry.

“Haven’t.

“Talked this much.

“Like.

“Ever.

“SotF makes people

“do things they don’t,

“right?

“give me.

“give me a moment.

“


“


“

“

“okay.

“i think i have my voice back.

“it’s like…

“There’s this type of person. On this show. They, like, freak out. Kill immediately. Then they realize they killed. Then they freak out. Then everybody else freaks out at them and then they freak out. Kill more. Then they realize they killed. They get into a pattern of freaking out and killing people and then freaking out again and… and no matter what they can’t escape. Can’t… find a way out. They live for a bit and because they weren’t ever really the villain they don’t make it far. It’s… like. They do big things in the beginning. Everyone looks at them. And then they get shot down before the game’s even half over because the true bad guy needs to rise and they can’t be there anymore. Burn bright, burn fast, burn…

“Burn...

“Burn out.

“That’s me.

“I… I really feel like I’m repeating myself, but I don’t think I ever said this out loud? Corr- no. Don’t correct me. Wait. Just… wait a bit, sorry. But…

“But that’s me.

“I’m… trapped in this. And I can’t get out.

“And it’s going to kill me.

“And I-

“I don’t want to die.

“I don’t want to die.

“It’s not even, like, I don’t want to die the way I know I’m going to die. It’s… not that I don’t want to die being what I am right now. I just…

“I just want to… I just want to live.

“I don’t… know why. It’s not even like there’s something waiting for me back home. My parents are… terrible. They… I can’t even say why at this point they’re just. Bad. They hate me. They won’t miss me if I don’t come back. My friends… the only one I really had honestly was somebody I just shot in the stomach a couple of hours ago. I don’t have anybody else. Maybe… maybe if this continued there was a chance I could’ve done something with Mary but… no. I’ve killed two people. That’s never going to happen. My future… there wasn’t anything possible other than this. I was slowly failing school. I had a novel I was writing, but… it’s probably on the internet now and I think everyone who reads it can tell that was never going to go anywhere.

“And there’s this… thing. In my space where my brain should be. It’s… growing now. Expanding. It’s making my head hurt and I’m pretty sure at some point it’s going to like, break out and chestburst my head but-

“But even if I wasn’t here it’d still be here. Even if… some of the stuff in my life worked out it’d still be there. In my head. Talking to me. Making everything bad. Making it… so hard to be happy without any sort of condition or asterisk. Making any good thing slowly get tainted with hindsight. And I know it’s… I know it’s never going to go away. I could maybe… take pills or something and push it back but it’ll always be there. Always be in my head. Always be doing what it’s doing until I die.

“It’s the only thing I have.

“Everyone else here… they probably had- have something. They had an idea of who they were going to be. What they were going to do. They probably have something that makes their life… maybe worth something. Worth making it through this game for.

“I don’t.

“I… honestly can’t think of anything.

“I don’t have a life worth taking back.

“But I don’t want to die. I don’t want to… I don’t even know what happens. I don’t want to just… stop existing. Become nothing. I want to…

“I want to live through this.

“And I don’t want to be… what I am.

“And I think I have an idea, but I just… I just need to ask you a question.

“Do I have a chance?

“Don’t… don’t do your motivational speaker thing. You know I hate that. There’s this Billy Joel song called Honesty where he’s having a depressive meltdown and he’s just trying to find someone who won’t just tell him everything’s going to be fine. Who won’t just… say whatever to try and comfort him. That’s me. I don’t want you to try and tell me anything is possible if I put my mind to it. I just… I have told you everything there is to know about me, and in return I just want you to tell me the truth. Yes, or no. Do I have a chance?”

[backslash]

There is a soft crackle of audio feedback while Verity talks, as though the microphone is on but no one on the other end is speaking. The near-silence remains until a few moments after Verity finishes.

"I didn't hold the Elon Musk comment against you, for the record, but I do appreciate and accept your apology. Though if I may be pedantic, the 'tech bro' is my husband."

"To answer your questions, if I may do so a bit out of order- yes. You have a chance. You have made mistakes, but you are alive, and you are still well-equipped and in the possession of at least some common sense. I still encourage you to seek out your teammates that are still with us but you, personally, very much have a chance."

There is a few moments' pause.

"I'm here to guide you, but ultimately you are the one who makes your own decisions, and the decisions you've made so far have kept you alive. And I understand. Sometimes making the choice to stay alive is... hard. Very hard."

Another pause.

"I can't tell you that I know exactly how you feel. You would be right not to believe that. But know that I understand what it's like to be in that place. The world is really ugly, sometimes, and the things inside your own head can be worse. I do know that, and that's why I want to impress on you that you're not alone in this, and that you do have what it takes to make it."

"Additionally, ah. Banana."

[Wham Yubeesling]

“I-”

“

“

“

“I-

“

“

“Hold on. Don’t- don’t say anything. Give me a moment.”

[Wham Yubeesling]

“Okay.

“Okay. I’m back. Sorry about that. Just… just kind of needed to cry for a bit. I’ve, um, done that a lot, but…

“I’ve done that a lot, huh?

“That’s, um…

“That’s kind of funny, honestly. I mean, it probably just looks sad to everyone watching, but…

“I spent so long at school just hoping that, like, I could break down and cry right in front of someone. Not because I really liked how I felt when that happened, more, just, because… then maybe I could actually be open about how I felt for once. Like, a big thing with what school was like was like… I knew I had to tell someone what I was feeling. I knew that being open was the way to go, but it was like… that option was locked off. I wasn’t allowed to select it. There was something in my head that just… wouldn’t let me do that even if it was someone like Keegan and-

“I don’t know. I guess I just… would’ve wanted my head to do it for me. Make it so that all I wouldn’t actually have to do the whole… admitting thing.

“And now I’m basically doing that every two hours.

“It’s great.

“But um…

“Thanks.

“For what you said.

“I honestly… I honestly didn’t think I had-...

“

“

“

“I’ll try to find the people on my team. I’m, um, not entirely sure if I’m going to be able to work with them, but if they’re out there, and if I can, then…

“I’m just thinking.

“I’m thinking about the… people I met. The… people I didn’t. The people who are dead already, and…

“And the people who killed them.

“Because Calla’s, um, still here. Right in front of me. Someone… someone really messed up her body and it’s…

“It’s been less than a day.

“And someone did… that.

“It just makes me think of… back then. With Keegan and Alyssa and the other guy and Bacchia. How she just… took one look at the both of us and immediately went to try and kill us. It hadn’t even been a couple of hours after we woke up. It was like… someone flipped a switch with all of them. Made them decide to kill their classmates without… really needing that much of a reason.

“Do they feel bad about it?

“Do they even recognize that they knew these people? That they could’ve been friends or that they knew each other or that…

“I don’t think they do.

“I mean, I didn’t, either. I was the first person to do something like that, but…

“At least I feel bad about it?

“At least I… I tried to not do it again?

“Like. it’s people. They’re killing people. I know I’m probably repeating myself here but… they’re not just faceless video game people. They’re not just numbers on a scoreboard. They’re not just people you mutilate and then piss on and mock for not being good enough they’re people. They… they didn’t want to be here. They had lives. They mattered. Maybe not to me but… at least to someone.

“And now they’re dead.

“And now-

“And now I kind of hate this show.

“And now I just want to make sure that…

“That nobody like that wins.

“That they don’t get what they want.

“That the people they killed mattered. Meant something. Weren’t just… numbers for them.

“And I think I have an idea on how I’m going to do that.

“I just need you to…

“Can you play some music? Something public domain. It won’t be copyrighted so you can probably do it without, like, cutting the feeds, or anything, I just…

“I just need to think about how to say this for a second.”

[backslash]

"That will probably take up the rest of our allotted time for today, but yes, I believe I can do that. Do you have any requests?"

[Wham Yubeesling]

“Um… the Hungarian Dance by Brahms? I’m pretty sure that’s free, and, um, that’s something actually fun I played for piano back at school, so, um…”

[backslash]

"Alright."

The voice ceases speaking and is replaced by music, slightly tinny and muffled, until the mic abruptly cuts off.

[Wham Yubeesling]

“Okay, thanks, I-”

((THE FOLLOWING TRANSCRIPT IS UNFORTUNATELY UNAVAILABLE DUE TO SEVERE AUDIO QUALITY ISSUES. SURVIVAL OF THE FITTEST STAFF HAVE MADE THE EXECUTIVE DECISION TO PULL THE CURRENT SCENE UNTIL AUDIO FROM SS01 CAN BE ISOLATED AND CLEANED. WE HAVE UPDATED OUR ON-SITE RULES REGARDING SPECIFIC MENTOR COMMUNICATIONS AND HAVE INFORMED ALL PARTIES THAT MUSIC CAN NO LONGER BE PLAYED OVER COLLAR AUDIO RECEIVERS FOR MORE THAN 15 SECONDS WITHOUT EXPRESS ADVANCE PERMISSION, DUE TO PROXIMITY TO INDIVIDUAL CONTESTANT MICROPHONES. AS SURVIVAL OF THE FITTEST STAFF, WE DO NOT MAKE THIS CALL LIGHTLY, BUT ULTIMATELY HAVE DECIDED AS SUCH IN ORDER TO MAKE SURE OUR SHOW CAN BE VIEWED AND ENJOYED BY OUR AUDIENCE WITHOUT ANY ISSUE. WE HOPE YOU HAVE A PLEASANT EXPERIENCE WITH FURTHER LIVEFEEDS FOR SURVIVAL OF THE FITTEST SEASON SIXTY-SEVEN.))

((Verity Stewart, continued elsewhere))