What the Water Gave Me

[Laurels]

((Louisa Bloom continued from Second Verse, Same As The First))

Were I to become a raindrop, I would be complete. Were I to become a raindrop, I'd perform a feat. Were I to become a raindrop, I'd help bring life. Were I to become a raindrop, I'd end my strife.

Louisa sat under a tree in the Pine Stands. She held her knees close to her chest and rested her head on them. It had started raining a while ago, but Louisa could hardly care. She had made her way into the forest after leaving the mountain and wandered around. She got close to an area where her collar began to beep, so she had to change her direction a few times. She was tired of walking and decided to sit under a tree until she had the nerve to move again. Until then, she sat on the damp floor, letting water from the branches drip down on her as she tried to come up with poetry in her head.

If a bolt of lightning strikes you, remain still. The heavens are calling for you. Barachiel sends his message.

Louisa shifted in place a bit. She hadn't eaten much in the last few hours. She didn't find the nerve to eat anyways. Every so often, the image of Brian's body popped into her mind, and her stomach sank within her chest. The moment she shot him between the eyes also played on loop. It was too perfect a shot for her to make, but it happened.

He couldn't have left Maxim and I alone. Wait, is it really Brian's fault?

Louisa began to trace the events in her mind. If she didn't call out for Maxim, they would have avoided each other, and Brian would have probably missed them both. If she didn't run from Carlyle and the others, Amanda might be alive and Damien could be dead instead. She didn't even know when Brian and Damien's adventures began, so it was possible someone else could be to blame.

No, it's not the fault of anyone here in the valley. It's the government's fault. They made this game. They picked us specifically. They gave us the tools to incite slaughter. But then again, the public elected these officials, allowed them to indoctrinate the populace.

Louisa sighed.

There's too much blame to go around. What's the point? I killed Brian, and that's that.

Louisa rested her head against the tree, ignoring the pressure the tree bark made against the back of her skull.

There was never anything I could do. I thought I was so much better than these people. I thought I could write illegal poetry and feel like a badass. I thought I could form a union with a homosexual and a foreigner and be seen as above it all. I thought I could really be the best type of American there was. Looks like I'm not. I was such an idiot.

Louisa began to rub her eyes. She hated having the time to really examine her life and her choices, especially since her life was probably close to ending. Was there any way she could have made it better? She wasn't sure.

She realized the worst part was being alone. Now that she had time to think about it, she always had issues with being alone. When her father left for his service, she was depressed and crying a lot. She at least had her mother around and a bike to ride. When her mother left for her service, her father was at least home to help. Even though he had a business to run and a new baby to take care of, Louisa was able to make the best with that. She was finally having meaningful relationships with Maxim and Tori, Amos was getting really good at playing the piano, and Marie was there to give Louisa hope for the future.

I'm never going to see any of them again. I'll never eat Dad's margherita pizza again. I'll never talk to Mom about my problems and share my poems. I'll never hear Amos play Ave Maria. I'll never get to play with Marie. I'll never wander the city with Tori. I'll never joke with Maxim. All of that is gone forever, and I'll never get it back.

Louisa burst into tears, burying her face in her knees. She spent the next few minutes sobbing, completely ignoring the area around her. When Louisa stopped crying, she finally stood up and walked out from under the tree. Her eyes began to look around the area, scanning every branch and tree trunk for a camera. She finally found one and walked over to it. She stepped back a bit, hoping the camera could see everything it needed to.

"Ahem, I'd like to say a few things, if that's alright," she said to the camera.

She had no clue if the camera was actually focusing on her right now. There were seventeen other people in the valley, and any one of them could be doing something more interesting.

You have to make them notice you. That's how people come into power.

Louisa then lifted her right hand up to her neck and touched the metal collar around her neck. The device was still unbearable, but she was managing to forget it was there. Still, she new the power it held, so she curled her fingers around the device.

"At the end of this message, I will pull my collar and remove myself from this game. I-if you want that to happen, y-you better watch closely."

Louisa was finding it harder to speak right now. She knew that what she had to say had to count, and she most likely wouldn't get any more chances to speak to them.

"First, I'd like to address the family and friends of Brian Meyerhold Callison. I deserve your hate. I deserve your violence. Take solace in the fact that I am probably going to die here, and let that be the end of your anger. I took your son from you, and I shouldn't be allowed to exist for that. Try to remember your son from before this game, as that's when he was probably in the state you want to remember him by."

Louisa cleared her throat.

"Next, I'd like to say something to the parents of Maxim Senders, Tori Gavlik, Josie Luu, and Amanda White. I'm sorry I couldn't help your children. Amanda and Josie were people who became friends of mine in this game, and I wasn't there to help them when they probably needed it the most. The same with Tori. She was one of my oldest friends, and I was never there for her. I don't even know where her body is, so there's a chance I'll never be able to give my respects to her. I just hope she wasn't in despair when she died."

"As for Maxim, he was a tremendous friend. He died to save me. He hurt people in this game, he did terrible things, but his last act on this world was to keep me alive for a little longer. Mr. and Mrs. Senders, your son is a hero, and I will always treasure him. I'm just sorry I wasn't able to help him. Killing his murderer doesn't even make me feel better."

Louisa rubbed her eyes and adjusted her grip on the collar. It was getting harder to keep her arm around it.

"To my family, I just want to say how glad I was to be with all of you. I'm sorry you had to see me do what I did here, if you were watching. I'm sorry, but I don't think I'll be coming home. I'm going to really miss the place though. Bloom's Pizza was the best restaurant in all of Milwaukee, and I'm proud to have lived above it."

"Marie, you be a good girl. Mom will be home soon, and I want you to really surprise her when she gets back. I'm sorry I won't be around, but I know you're going to be an amazing person."

"Amos, you were the best brother I could ask for. You're going to be an amazing musician, whether you become a concert pianist or a keyboardist for a rock group. You have real talent, and I'm proud of you."

"Dad, I'm sorry I let you down. But you have more to worry about now. Amos and Marie need you, and you need to keep the business going to keep them safe. You're the best dad I could have hoped for."

"And Mom, I'm sorry I never got to see you before this game. I've missed you every day you were away, and I wish we could have had one last talk together."

Louisa stopped talking and covered her mouth. Tears were still falling down her face, mixing with the rain. She had one last piece to say.

"One last request. Dad, in my bedroom closet, on the shelf, hidden under the upside down cardboard box, is a small wooden chest. I want you to take the chest and burn it. Just burn the whole thing, and whatever you do, don't open it. What's inside the chest belongs to a girl who no longer exists, so don't concern yourself with its contents. Just toss it in the wood fire oven and be done with it. Thank you so much."

Louisa began to run her hand along the collar. She had said her piece, and now was the time to fulfill the declaration. It was time to die.

Okay, you can do it. Close your eyes, one quick tug, and it will be done. You'll be in Heaven with Maxim, Tori, and everyone else.

Louisa froze.

Maxim and Tori. My Lost Children. One of us needs to at least try to survive. Find a path to follow. Get out of the forest. Maxim died so you could leave, and you're just going to let it end like that?

Louisa closed her eyes. Suddenly, a smirk appeared on her face.

God, what an idiot I've been. Come on Louisa, you can be much more rational than this. Irrationality is what has been the source of your misery.

Louisa lowered her hand from her collar.

"Sorry, I don't think I've earned the right to take my life. You all want to see me die at the hands of someone like Damien or Anastasia. Well, maybe you'll get that wish. I've said my bit, so I'm leaving. If you got a problem, I don't care. I'm going to use the rest of my life for the better of my fellow man. I may not get to leave the valley, but I bet I can pick who does. Farewell."

Louisa turned away from the camera and walked away. She had no idea if any of what she said was actually broadcast, but she prayed some of the message got out. She grabbed her bag from under the tree and slung it over her shoulder. She checked the Beretta in her pocket and held it to her side. As she left the forest, she thought about how nice it was to have time to think.

Hmm, enlightenment under a tree. That sounds quite poetic. Okay, I need to figure out my path. I've killed Brian, but I can make amends somehow. Carlyle and Kyle are still alive, maybe I can find them and ask for their forgiveness. I forgave Carlyle when he killed Gwen, maybe he can do the same. Maybe I can actually be happy again.

Louisa continued to walk through the forest, and soon found the way out.

((Louisa Bloom continued in Walden))