How come we didn't see this coming?

[Pippi]

((Nasir al-Habsi continued from We're drifting on the open sea, uncertain why the wind won't blow, Harrison Ricciardo continued from We've passed so many sinking friendships, so sure that wouldn't be our fate))

“Ah, shit.”

Dew coated Nasir’s fingers as he crouched down to fix his loose shoelace, a small cloud of fog billowing from his mouth, faint but still visible. It was cold most mornings, down by the waterfront, but it was particularly frigid today. He still wasn’t totally used to this sort of temperature; these early morning walks were a particularly new part of his schedule. At least he was actually wearing a jacket now. He’d discovered very quickly that just a t-shirt absolutely wasn’t gonna cut it.

The morning chill still managed to worm its way into the tiniest of gaps, making him tug his jacket tighter around his body as he stood up again, shoelace freshly tied, but it was almost welcome, in this manner. It gave him a sense of clarity, a way of starting the day without a head full of fog. It allowed him to actually think, rather than have his brain yell at him all day and call it thinking.

There was a guy walking a tiny little pomeranian on the footbridge, a pair of joggers coming towards him, and a couple of guys staring out at the river as Nasir drew closer; busier than normal for this time of morning, but hardly what you’d call crowded. He nodded at the joggers as they passed by in their neon pink getup, and stuffed his hands into his jacket pockets as he stepped onto the boardwalk.

He didn’t always come here, down to the riverside. It was his favourite place to be, but he hated the idea of falling into routine, even when he was following a schedule. If he grabbed a Pepsi from the vending machines at school one day, he’d get Dr. Pepper the next; if he played NBA 2K20 before doing his homework one evening, he’d flip the two around the next. The same applied to his newfound hobby; he’d taken a walk around the neighbourhood the previous morning, so today he could walk along the foot bridge.

God knows he needed to keep shaking things up after a week of trying to keep them the same.

Nasir strode over to the railings at the side of the bridge, just past the first right-angle of the ‘n’ shape, resting his arms against it and looking out over the river flowing along below him. He watched as a couple of birds flew low over the river; geese, most likely. Or maybe ducks. How big were geese again? He couldn’t say he knew shit about birds, honestly. He glanced to his right, and his eyebrows raised as his vision fell on the guy standing a few metres away.

“Harrison? Hey, Harrison!”

The guy looked up, and any worries that Nasir had that he might be calling out to a total stranger vanished as soon as he saw their face. He smiled and waved at his friend, standing up straight and walking over towards him. Something that might have been a smile crossed Harrison’s face, as he turned to look at Nasir.

“Hey, man, how’ve you been?” Nasir asked, coming to a halt a little way away from Harrison. “It’s been a while. Haven’t seen you since… y’know.”

Something flashed across the other boy’s face, a different expression to the maybe-smile from before, and Nasir paused momentarily, faltering at the sudden change in mood Harrison was displaying. He shook it off after a moment, however; that had been a bad, bad day for all of them. He couldn’t blame Harrison one bit if he wanted to forget all about it.

“Haven’t heard from you much in the group chat, either. You been up to much? We invited you to a couple get-togethers, but-”

“No, I’ve not been doing much. I’ve been thinking about things, mostly. Preoccupied by my own thoughts.”

Harrison cut across Nasir, turning back out to face the river as he spoke, standing up straight and still. If he was feeling the chill on the exposed skin of his neck and arms, he wasn’t showing it. The guy had always had good posture, always tried to keep himself presentable and neat, but there was just something a little… off about how he was standing. Like he was a statue that had just stepped off of its pedestal and was trying to act like a human being.

“That’s fair,” Nasir nodded, leaning against the railing again, looking out at the city across the water. “I mean, I’ve been doing pretty much the same thing. I doubt I gotta ask what exactly’s been eating you, huh?”

“You’d be surprised. I have a feeling the specifics of what’s been on our minds aren’t anywhere close to similar.”

“Oh, uh… okay, man…”

Somewhere in the distance, a crow cawed, and for a while, the only sound on the bridge was its echo, fading into nothingness, as Nasir stared at Harrison out of the corner of his eye. There was a bench in between the two of them, and it would have taken him two, maybe three seconds to walk around the seat and stand next to his friend in order to talk.

“Hey, uh…”

He didn’t move. The silence flooded the bridge, drowning out even the birdsong and distant noise of traffic. He had missed it until now, caught up in the elation of seeing his friend after a week’s absence, but there was a cigarette dangling out of Harrison’s mouth. Nasir’s eyes narrowed as he spoke.

“You don’t smoke.”

“And you don’t wake up before 6am,” Harrison replied, still staring out at the water. There was another pause, hanging low around them both.

“Okay, yeah, that’s fair.”

He could barely feel the cold himself, now, that absence of clarity letting the cobwebs back in, all of those thoughts and worries he’d worked so hard to clear out starting to follow after them and tangle up and stay there, now accompanied by new fears, the feeling like he was seeing Harrison for the very first time, like he was looking at a stranger rather than a friend, the coldness in his words seeping into his bones.

The silence was crushing him. He had to keep talking.

“I think I’ve realised something, y’know?”

His eyes flicked to the right, and to his relief, he saw Harrison turn to look at him, his expression still unchanged, but, hell, anything was a step up from him just staring silently and motionlessly out across the river.

“I can’t keep going on like nothing has changed. I can’t just… keep living life as though it didn’t happen, as if Stepney is still here, like he’s just on vacation and in another week he’ll be right back with us once again. The sooner I accept… that what’s happened has happened, the sooner I can move on, and-”

“Finally. An epiphany.”

“Excuse me?”

Nasir frowned, eyes narrowing, as he turned once more. The two boys faced each other now, a wisp of smoke coiling from Harrison’s mouth, drifting in the breeze, dying away in the silence draped between them.

“You heard,” Harrison said, voice clear and level, unnervingly calm. “I thought that was the obvious thing to do in this situation, to stop living in the past, to be mature enough to understand that things can’t be the way they were before, and to actually accept that. Obviously, I was very quickly proven wrong.”

“Okay. I’ll bite.”

Nasir folded his arms as he spoke. He was about the same height as Harrison, although broader and stronger, but he got the distinct feeling that the other boy was still managing to look down his nose at him.

“What the hell’s happened, Harrison? You don’t speak to us for a week, then when I finally run into you again you act like you’ve had everything sorted out from the very start, seriously, what’s the deal, man?”

Harrison didn’t respond at first, choosing instead to flick the stub of his cigarette onto the ground, stamping it out with his heel.

“What do you remember about Stepney, Nasir?”

“What do I remember?” Nasir frowned again, wrinkling his nose. “I mean, he was sarcastic and laid back pretty much constantly, but he always had our backs; I don’t think the guy ever flaked out on us or missed a single meetup or training session, ‘side from that week he got food poisoning. He was smart, and he was always a riot to be around, and-”

“Really. Would you call the time he jumped into the pool fully clothed and got us all kicked out for the day a ‘riot’?”

“I mean - okay, obviously that pissed me off too at the time, but it’s not like I’ve never done anything stupid before, not like you’re innocent of that either. Besides, he bought us all lunch afterwards, so-”

“I didn’t want lunch, Nas, I wanted to train.”

“So did I, man, but it was just one day! Is that really the straw that broke the camel’s fuckin’ back for you?”

“No, because that wasn’t the only time one of his stunts and dares affected me and the people around him. And despite that, and despite the fact we’ve known each other for years, he still can’t remember my name consistently.”

“Yeah dude, he’s got that fucked up eye stuff, you know that!”

“Well. So he says, at least.”

The frown on Nasir’s face had shifted into a scowl. He was standing two feet away from Harrison now, unconscious movements leading him closer, the invisible canyon between them replaced with a cloud of red mist.

“I don’t think,” Nasir spoke slowly, trying to stop the shaking that threatened to creep into his voice. “That you should be talking shit about Stepney like this.”

Harrison looked dead ahead, unblinking, defiantly meeting Nasir’s gaze.

“And I don’t think you should be putting him on a pedestal like this.”

“I’m not putting him on a fucking pedestal, dude! I miss my damn friend, cause he’s completely vanished, and if the whispers are true and history is repeating itself, he might be fucking dead, and you’re out here ripping open his coffin and spitting on his body!”

They glared at each other for a few more seconds. There were more people on the bridge now, either transfixed by the scene unfolding in front of them, or trying very hard to ignore what was going on between the two boys.

“I think we’re done here,” Harrison said, voice low and even. Nasir nodded, refusing to blink first.

“I think so too.”

Harrison nodded as well, then turned and started to walk away. He made it only a few steps before he looked back over his shoulder.

“Believe me when I say this, Nas,” he said, and his voice had lost the icy touch that had permeated it since Nasir had first caught his eye. “I’m really glad to hear you can admit he’s probably gone. We need to let him go, no matter what we think of him. And I think this is an important first step.”

He looked forwards again, and started walking once more, leaving Nasir on his own in the middle of the foot bridge, standing still and silent, until he could feel the chill on his skin once more, and he tugged the jacket tighter around his body, and walked back the way he had come from.

((Nasir al-Habsi and Harrison Ricciardo continued elsewhere))