what does your characters sound like in my head critique thread

hi this is a totally serious critique thread!

This is the critique board, suggested by Outfoxd. Come here to request critiques and critique the work of others. The goal of this board is to be a respectful environment conducive to the improvement of writing skills.
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Melusine
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Joined: Mon Aug 13, 2018 3:38 pm

what does your characters sound like in my head critique thread

#1

Post by Melusine »

Hello, this is Lore and I feel like doing a fun critique thread.

So basically, the setup is that you link a thread with your character's name, preferably where your dude does a lot of talking and I'm going to write how they sound like inside my head.

So this is not serious like at all so don't hold me accountable for it like I might say they have a gay lisp.

Anyways, there's no queue have fun yeehaw.
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Ohm
Posts: 500
Joined: Mon Aug 13, 2018 3:49 pm

#2

Post by Ohm »

(Like this?)

Serena
[+] V6
G019 Serena Waters
Image
The Past:
1
Island:
1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10-11-12
Meanwhile:
1
B037 William "Will" McKinley
Image(Adopted from Dannyrulx)
Dannyrulx:
Memories:
1-2
Pregame:
1-2
Sadie Hawkins Dance:
1-2
Island:
1-2
Adoption:
3-4-5-6-7-8
[+] V7
B026 Sean Leibowitz
Image Image
1-2-3-4-5-6-7
B071 Sal Bonaventura (Adopted from Skraal)
Skraal:
1-2-3-4-5
Adoption:
6-7-8-9
B085 Brandon Murphy (adopted from Rattlesnake)
1-2-3
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NotAFlyingToy
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Joined: Sat Aug 25, 2018 4:49 am
Location: Burlington, Canada
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#3

Post by NotAFlyingToy »

Dougie.
Author of the #SwiftBall Bible.
[+] Characters
Hansel Williams never fully realized he was wrong.

Brandon Baxter lost agency, the girl, and power.

Oskar Pearce's shield shimmered, shone, and shattered.
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Melusine
Posts: 863
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#4

Post by Melusine »

Ohm wrote: ↑Thu Jul 30, 2020 4:26 pm (Like this?)

Serena
(yes perfect)

I mentally picture her voice as a fairy-ish one. It's as if she constricts the end of the words with her throat which makes it sound like she squeezing out the sound. Her screaming voice is similar with her constricting the end of the words for emphasis. In my head, she also puts the emphasis on the middle of the sentence.

Example for spoken voice: I see YOU'RE dead too. Sorry ABOUT the fries, I was saving THEM for you, but it JUST got too much.

Though I pictured her screaming voice like this: "Not so FUN when they FIGHT back, HUH!"

meme review: navi from zelda but make it angery
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Melusine
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#5

Post by Melusine »

NotAFlyingToy wrote: ↑Thu Jul 30, 2020 4:44 pm Dougie.
(wow a jewel thread thats fucked up dude)

So Dougie is interesting.

I picture me with some type of slur in his voice. He sounds like he draws out words when he's not really confident about what he is saying. It sounds like an attempt to continue the conversation and to signal that he is not finished with what he's saying but that he's trying to figure out what he will say next.

legend:
italic for drawing out
bold for emphasis

Example: "She- Jewel, and me - we don't have one of those, so it's more a question of what you're planning to do with yours that's more of a concern - then like - what she's going to do. And... yeah."


meme review: that one vine about alternative singers
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BlizzardeyeWonder
Posts: 682
Joined: Mon Aug 13, 2018 3:41 pm
Location: The Zone™

#6

Post by BlizzardeyeWonder »

Camilla
[+] Meilin
Meilin Zhou (Wiki) - DEAD

>Pregame Start: life observes itself
-->Pregame Status: Waltzed out a party with her crush
>Prom Start: Fancy Meeting You Here
-->Prom Status: Taking a dance, taking on the world
>Trip Start: The Best of You
-->Trip Status: Running away from an eyeful of NSFW
>Game Start: Rise Great Undead Lord Dread
-->Game Status (FINAL): Stop hitting yourself

Aesthetics
"No sun to rise would be okay with me... Everyday, every day is okay"
[+] Camilla
Camilla Bell (Wiki) - DEAD

>Pregame Start: Who's Turn Was It, Anyway?
-->Pregame Status: Had more than her fair share of revelry
>Prom Start: Early in the Morning
-->Prom Status: Ditching the drama for blues
>Trip Start: When I'm Gone
-->Trip Status: Preemptively homesick
>Game Start: Bloom Nobly, in a Transient Life
-->Game Status (FINAL): Loved to death.

Aesthetics
"A voice in her head, a voice in her head, screaming all the words that were left unsaid"
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Ohm
Posts: 500
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#7

Post by Ohm »

Jason
[+] V6
G019 Serena Waters
Image
The Past:
1
Island:
1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10-11-12
Meanwhile:
1
B037 William "Will" McKinley
Image(Adopted from Dannyrulx)
Dannyrulx:
Memories:
1-2
Pregame:
1-2
Sadie Hawkins Dance:
1-2
Island:
1-2
Adoption:
3-4-5-6-7-8
[+] V7
B026 Sean Leibowitz
Image Image
1-2-3-4-5-6-7
B071 Sal Bonaventura (Adopted from Skraal)
Skraal:
1-2-3-4-5
Adoption:
6-7-8-9
B085 Brandon Murphy (adopted from Rattlesnake)
1-2-3
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Sunnybunny
Posts: 384
Joined: Fri May 17, 2019 7:35 pm

#8

Post by Sunnybunny »

Sakurako popcorn emoji
VII
G071 - Sakurako Adina Jackson - i'll be ready every day / for as long as i can say / here I am in the future with my friends


VIII
Dancing Shoes
Bare Knuckles
Wild Horses
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ItzToxie
Posts: 591
Joined: Sat Dec 15, 2018 5:11 am

#9

Post by ItzToxie »

ooooh i wanna see this!


Birdhair
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Cake
Posts: 134
Joined: Tue Oct 02, 2018 4:48 am

#10

Post by Cake »

Neat idea.

Wendy.
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MurderWeasel
Posts: 2566
Joined: Thu Aug 09, 2018 1:37 am

#11

Post by MurderWeasel »

This is super fun!

I offer Phillip.
Avatar art by the lovely and inimitable Kotorikun
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Ryuki
Posts: 426
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#12

Post by Ryuki »

I’ll just slip in Zach here.
[+] V7
Mains
Image B018: Ned Jackson- That’s All Folks
Image G039: Yuki Hayashibara- Family is Forever
Image B034: Zachary Beck- Guess I’ll Die
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KamiKaze
Posts: 937
Joined: Mon Aug 13, 2018 10:47 pm
Location: Behind you.

#13

Post by KamiKaze »

Roxie?
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MethodicalSlacker
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#14

Post by MethodicalSlacker »

Is it time to go Maximum Rudolpherdrive?

(sorry)
[+] Recommended Reading Order
—The Heaven Panel—
♫
▼

Image / Image - G051: Lili Williams: 1. Kidnapped from her school trip and thrown into a horrific death game, Lili wanders the wasteland in search of her past life before it slides away from her for good.

Meanwhile 1. From Here On Out [Complete] Marie Bernstein eats ice cream with her friend and gets a text message.

Image / Image - B043: Arthur Bernstein: 2. Arthur watches the waters from the beach, knowing that their presence spells death. Seeking his sister's comfort, he takes up the spear and walks alongside another.

Meanwhile 2. Colorless [Complete] A family reunion under less than ideal circumstances. When trying to unravel the mystery of her brother's death at the hands of esoteric serial terrorists, Marie discovers more than she bargained for.

——The Earth Panel——

╫
♘
⁍
𝄇


Image - G026: Liberty "Bert" Wren: 3. It is happening again. To make things right, Bert must understand where things went wrong.

Image - B049: Max Rudolph: 4. The words we use to construct our realities often also make up the links in our chains. Fleeing a vision, Max builds his most elaborate prison yet.

Image - B032: Lucas Diaz: 5. A life lived through the views of others. In pursuit of revenge and his own death, Lucas Diaz interrupts the falling of many dominos.

Meanwhile 3. Because We Love You [Complete] Selections from a Google Drive, never to be logged into again.

Meanwhile 4. The Lines We Draw [Complete] In the process of collecting his brother's memories, Milo Diaz has a fitful morning.

Image - G007: Violet Schmidt: 6. The stars in the night sky do not make pictures. Breathing on both sides of the water, Violet Schmidt journeys to escape the confines of her own mind, and her reality.

Meanwhile 5. Years of Pilgrimage [???] Dana Schmidt is dreaming.

Meanwhile 6. Colorless II [Ongoing] Charlie Bernstein returns to the desert and finds it empty.

Meanwhile 7. Writing the Enigma [Ongoing] Randy Rudolph provides lodgings for Marie Bernstein as she investigates Survival of the Fittest, the city of Chattanooga, and the meaning of water.
———The Hell Panel———
☠
≥
𝄌
¿
╞
☺
[+] Other Threads
Virtual Pilgrimage: Exploring the Pregame Cities of SOTF
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Melusine
Posts: 863
Joined: Mon Aug 13, 2018 3:38 pm

#15

Post by Melusine »

BlizzardeyeWonder wrote: ↑Thu Jul 30, 2020 5:03 pm Camilla
(i love this thread, btw)

Camilla for me is an easy one. I don't know if it's because of the chat memes (bless her heart) or if it's because of her personality (bless her heart twice), but she's simple to pinpoint. I mentally voice her as a young woman who tries to sound older as an attempt to wrangle control back to her. She speaks concisely and quickly, enunciating every syllable of words that are important.


underline for focused enunciation
for emphasis
example: "Di-e-go, what are you do-ing?"



meme: grandma after three shots on christmas eve
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