The Original Kings of Comedy

[Buko]

“Yeah…,” he thought for a moment, “It was kinda ridiculous.”

She was close, very close and he was wrong for noticing that. He felt her hand on his cheek and he felt her tremble and that caused him to blush. Beats closed his eyes. It was better to not look at her. Closing his eyes didn’t help--the pictures he painted with fractals were bloody reminders of his past. Better to speak it to existence. Better to just…tell the truth.

“I got another hole in my back, he just shot me once…so, like, that’s good, right? I think,” he drifted, “I hope.”

There was a quiet there as he waited for her to help him lick his wounds. He was cruel in the selfishness he put onto others—far too sensitive for his own good. It wasn’t so hard, right? Put on a smile and turn on the charm. Just act normal and people would treat you like you was normal. It was only scary if you was scared. The moment was only too big if you acted too small.

“It wasn’t just the dare, I don’t think…”

What was it then?

“We were just bein’ dudes, like, bein’ possessive and what not…it was dumb…”

Was that it? Really? Ace didn't believe it. Saku wouldn't either.

“Ivy was there too, like, she died too,” Ace opened his eyes, “Myles shot her after he shot me. By accident? On purpose? I don't fuckin know," he wanted to close 'em again, he forced 'em open, "Then I shot him. Dead. I was just actin’ hard, I didn’t mean to kill him, like…,” he drifted again, “It happened so fuckin’ fast. I was outta pocket. I was outta character.”

His eyes found hers. Green eyes met black. What did her eyes say and what did his? Her trembling hand still cupped his face. It was familiar and it wasn’t. He didn’t like it. He didn’t stop it. He stayed in the awkwardness and the weirdness. He savored it. Awkward and weird wasn't so bad, not compared to violence and vengeance.

“Meilin died for me and I found myself back in Ivy’s bed anyway,” he said finally, “Ivy got murked and I found myself stealin' all her shit and limpin' away regardless. After killin' her best friend. After my mouth got her killed. And my gun did him in."

He didn't break eye contact, she didn't move her hand.

"Wonder what kinda guy that makes me?"

[Sunnybunny]

"Yeah, you want it to go through." She couldn't look at him, but couldn't look away. The hand on his face was stuck to the spot, and if she tilted her head too much? All she could see was the end.

It was hell, so of course it was wonderful. Two weeks ago, Sakurako would have been giddy. Some part of her was still, but even that was... tainted? Was that the word for all this? Once, her parents had surprised her by cooking dinner. She'd eaten already, because of the lateness of the hour but they'd done that for her so she forced herself to scarf it all.

An idiot, even then.

Ace told her... good grief, what didn't he? It wasn't even in sequence, her eyes threatened to cross trying to sort out all the horrors he'd seen. And the drama. HOO BOY.

A deep breath, and-

"Her bed again? Like multiple times? Ivy's dead? Myles shot her because you slept together? Were they dating? Meilin..."

There were details, juicy trails she wanted to go down. But it was like she couldn't escape what she'd become, and in someone else's tale. Her eyes darted left to right, hands shook as she tried to calm herself down.

Ivy got to die beside her best friend after two guys fought over her mere presence? Even now, some girls had all the luck. What a princess.

"Whatever you are, it was worth dying for to her." Her eyes stung, and she blinked fast, but finally she started the cleanup job. In a better mind she would have warned him. In a better life she wouldn't have needed to. "Maybe you're a monster that actually deserved to be cared about that much."

[Buko]

Saku, was, as impossible as it seemed—more awkward than him.

There was a comfort in that. He wasn’t alone in being alone. She created and spun her own story out of his and it was so salacious and off base that he could hardly respond. He blinked and he sputtered. His body shifted from her touch and her gaze out of reflex. She had begun cleaning and just like her speaking--it stung. Ace went from being somewhat lost in her dark eyes to looking to be lost in the dark sky. He reached over her and grabbed his water bottle. He took a healthy sip. The two of them had gone through half a bottle in like five minutes. It leaked out his mouth and through the sides of his lips. He wiped them clean with the back of his dirty hand. Then he shifted back to her and stood still. He tried to let himself be helped in spite of his instincts.

“Nah. I don't think so.”

That was all he could say in response to her monster comment, to what she thought Meilin might've thought...

“It wasn’t like that.”

And that was all he could say about the Myles-Ivy situation. He was responsible for both. Fake it till you make it just made everything fake. Except the consequences--the consequences were always real.

Saku didn’t get it and she didn’t really get him. That was an unrealistic expectation, wasn’t it? Nobody out there was going to get you. You had to get yourself. You had to live with yourself. Nobody else dealt with the voices in your head and the sadness in your heart.There were some battles that were fought between you and the world—the hardest were fought between you and you.

Saku didn’t get him and didn’t really understand his story. That was fine. He was talking to talk, he wasn’t necessarily speaking to be listened to.

“How ‘bout you? What’s your story?”

At this point, everybody’s gotta couple.

At this point, anything to keep his mind off himself.

[Sunnybunny]

Of course she was more awkward than him. And moreover, of course his story was more than the salaciousness of it all, but wasn't it nice to think it was that simple? He didn't seem mad, but Sakurako could sense she did something wrong.

It felt awful and it felt great. Ace shouldn't like her. Bad things happened when she made friends.

So why were tears making her work blurry, besides the constant refrain of not deserving the gift she'd been given?

Maybe because what she'd always hated the most.

"It was a lot and you don't have to repeat it, but still... sorry. For not getting it."

Dirt and blood and bits of other. It came off and Ace sat stock still. Had there been a moment? Before? Just like her to ruin that. She could kick herself later, but for now she painted on some imitation of a smile.

"We... were trying to escape from the start. But no one could think of anything, and people kept leaving. Blake, before he got done by Erika, Adele before she came back and shot a camera, Cheridene before she stole Aditi's gun and broke her neck in front of me.

I left too for a while after that. Met some friends... and Sean! I mean, I think Sean was the best of us even compared to Aditi which is saying something since I was supposed to start that stupid fucking fire! Me! But my leg's broke and... he wanted me to stay with him."

Her hands clasped to her own thighs, needing to hold something and a break. Trying to keep going like this could leave him worse off than before.

"Everyone jumped straight into killing when we didn't even have to! There could have been ninety or so of us still alive right now! I wanted... anything but this, but I just wasn't good enough to figure out these stupid fucking collars and the people that might have didn't even try!"

The world didn't care enough to try either.

Thomas wanted her to go back to it, that world that had left them both to die?

[Buko]

He was quiet while she spoke.

She was crying. Teflon Saku, who faced every trauma with a smirk and a saying, was crying. Was desperate. Was scared. And Ace felt wrong in an instant—Ace felt like he did get her, that he did understand. The pistol by his side, the bottle by his feet…his hands found hers. She was too close and he was stupid for noticing that. His palms were coated in sweat, callous and rough. How comforting was he? How presumptuous was he?

“Hey…,” he whispered, “This ain’t your fault.”

He wasn’t telling his own story to be listened too—he wasn’t speaking to her for her to listen. Her own story, really, could’ve been anything, couldn’t it? He knew that. It was night nine and closing in on day ten. They all had stories. They all had losses. They all were survivors. The specificity of struggle and the finality of failure didn't need to be articulated beyond stating its presence. Names blurred and events combined. He couldn't paint a clear picture but an impressionist painting still told a message.

“It ain’t their fault either.”

“What the fuck you doin' T?”

Another conversation, with another dead friend. A friend he swore he knew. A friend nobody had ever really known.

"I'm just doing my best."

“We’re all just doin’ our best.”

"I just wanna finish this, go home, and drink and smoke until I don't remember this bullshit. You know, the dream."

“We’re all just tryin’ to get home.”

His hands gripped hers, resting on her lap, he felt himself leaning into her a bit. He was reminded of his father’s words, he was reminded of home, he was reminded of better days—but not in a good way. In a deathly aware of what he had lost way. But he was far too sensitive for his own good, wasn’t he? A girl crying. Memories of hallway glances and innocent moments. It was a fool’s errand and he had long been resigned to playing the fool.

Fake it till you make it only made you more fake.

But, y’know, considering reality? Maybe being fake was a better alternative.

“It’s selfish,” he finally said, “Holdin’ onto this guilt,” he nodded, “It don’t make you a better person and it don’t make the situation better.”

Beats sighed and he shook his head…

“We’re doin’ our best,” that would have to do, “That has to count for something in the end, right?”

[Sunnybunny]

All of her wrath, her fire and ire, was turned to a simmer at his hands clasping over hers. It wasn't something she deserved or even had the mind to wish for, but someone was saying it wasn't her fault. That wasn't true wasn't true wasn't true, but just for a second-

Her thumb stroked at Ace's hand almost absent-mindedly. He came closer, and Sakurako looked at him like she was drowning. It felt like something in her heart had burst open, and the weight of it was too much. If he kept looking at her like that, she might be tempted to do something foolish. His eyes were so pretty, his hands were rough like hers.

She and Thomas had been alone like this but not like this.

"I really wanna believe you. So bad it hurts."

She sobbed, a quick and miserable thing.

"Yesterday, we went back to the house. Zach nearly killed Sean and when Sean went to clean up Justin killed him, and then we... Thomas wanted to fight but he'd already been shot."

She'd denied him justice.

"We didn't patch it 'til way late this morning."

She'd taken everything from him. Apparently stolen his heart, knowingly took his life.

"It didn't take good and he thought he'd die from it so he-"

One ragged breath, then another.

"Wanted me to get a chance to go home."

[Buko]

Ace hadn’t spilled his guts to Saku with the intention of her listening to him. It was a testament to his own weakness that he couldn’t give her the same courtesy. She was sobbing and crying, he was wasted and wounded—but she was the one who was vulnerable. He envied her. Ace hadn’t cried since he buried Meilin. Beats had spent the last week or so praying for tears that refused to come.

His eyes would water in pain, they would sting with sweat…but whenever he sought to cry? Those ducts remained dry and his heart remained cold. His shoulder ached and felt tender—he ignored it. For the moment, Saku took up his focus. In the moment, he was grateful. Anything to keep his mind off himself, right? He wasn't so complicated. It was still never simple. His response was basic all the same:

She spoke, he listened.

She didn’t need to elaborate on Thomas any more than she had. He could do the math--he didn’t have to graduate from George Hunter to do that. There was a pang of rage he felt, for Justin—but he knew that was his ego. He was going to kill Justin—he knew that was the fuckin truth. Twice he had crossed paths with the fat fuck and twice Ace had come up short. The third time would be the charm. For Jackson and Aliya’s…and Thomas’ sake. Did he really believe that? He wasn't so simple. It wasn't so complicated. The lies you told yourself were made much more deadly if you found yourself believing them.

A crying girl and a guilty conscience. Poison to a sucker’s mind like his. Ace knew it, he just didn't care.

“That what you wanted?”

[Sunnybunny]

"Not at all."

Killing just wasn't her thing, it turned out!

Thinking any more about this would have her ready to toss herself over the railing, so she forced herself to stay in the moment. Not with all the people she'd lost, just her. The feelings, regrets, they wouldn't completely vanish in a conversation and she didn't want them to entirely. Forgetting would be worse.

Good grief, now her head hurt a bit and Ace still wasn't fixed up.

No one here to get keep them on track but them, and she was being a little selfish by not prompting him to let go of her hands. But it was grounding, and made her feel a little fluttery too.

The air hitting his wounds was good for him, right? Something like that. The tiniest smile found its way to her face, through the tears that had slowed a bit.

"Don't really want to make it a habit either, but I'm no fortune teller."

[Buko]

“Yeah,” that was all he could manage to mutter, “I done it twice and it was twice too many.”

He was gonna have to do it at least twice more, but no need to ruin the mood further.

What did he want anyway? Why was he killing? Would he be able to answer if asked? Did he want justice and vengeance for the fallen—or were those things just excuses? Did he want to be good and to be right while still doing wrong? Did he want the world to think he was selfless while his mind and heart acted selfishly? He was a murderer. A thief. A liar. A cheater. A coward. Why was he pretending to be any different?

What did it matter? So many of his people had died and he was still alive. He had to be doing something right, right? His judgement wasn’t so bad…was it? Rap lyric for everything. He was here for a real reason, because he got hit like they got hit, but they ain’t fuckin’ breathin’. What was the reason? Why’d he believe there had to be one?

“I don’t know what I want,” honesty fit him like a crusty pair of socks, “I just know what I don’t.”

Ace let go of her hands. He gently brought one of his own to her face and wiped her eye. It was intrusive—but her smile was inviting, wasn’t it? He didn’t know Saku, not really. He hadn’t known Meilin or Ivy or Tirzah or Aliya either. Had he really known Ramsey? Or Wyatt? He knew the answer. He also knew it didn’t matter. For the moment, he saw things clear. In the moment, he and Saku were just human—two ordinary people in an extraordinary situation.

That was enough. That counted for something—least to him. The ghosts he had chased with Ivy haunted him in this instant. What was he chasing? Something he had never had at home. Something he felt he deserved before he died. Something that would probably end up killing him.

“I don’t wanna die, so Imma do what I gotta do to keep livin’. Imma take this shit one day at a time, no other way seems smart.”

Ace nodded to himself, he nodded to Saku…

“Let’s patch me up and make way for tomorrow,” the lies you told yourself were the most deadly, “We’ll face whatever comes with the sun.”

Beats believed that. He didn’t have a choice.

~~~

She did a good job patching him up, all things considered. His bandages and wound were clean, relatively so, y’know, considering he was relying on murder-island-teen-girl medicine. He couldn’t tell you when they had moved from the bench to right next to it—it was as weird a headboard as any. She helped lick his wounds and patch him up for the day ahead and when their bodies found the cold ground, she warmed him up.

Ace Beats woke up with still white bandages and his arm around Saku’s waist. His face was in her hair and he was holding her tight—had been through the night. It was awkward, wasn’t it? To be spooning one of your classmates? He was acutely aware that he hadn’t showered in many a day—he hoped Saku wasn’t. He was acutely aware of how stupid that was and wanted to slap himself--he hoped Saku didn't.

He didn’t have to worry about ruining the mood. The blaring of the announcement speakers did that just fine.

[Sunnybunny]

The ground wasn't exactly the most welcoming bed, but that worked, too. Getting too comfortable was dangerous here, but somehow she had succumbed to the temptation of being held in Ace's strong...

Just held. Like bros, man. Thomas hadn't even been gone for a full day, what did she look like?

Sakurako's first thought on waking was very close to her last thought before sleeping.

Zee would get a real kick out of this.

Wish I could hear `em laugh at me just one more time.

Because this alarm? Was shit. It was petty in the long, long list of fuck yous the guy had coming but it was there, somewhere in front of them not getting soap but way behind how bad his jokes were about their horrific deaths.

She groaned, a tilted head her only movement. Getting up would be a trial, and as much she felt that she didn't deserve comfort and kindness... it was too early to start that train up.

Bite her lip to keep from a guilty chuckle now, cry later?

"Wasn't expecting the name thing. Looks like we get to start the death parade."

Myles shooting Ivy was sad to hear, the only surprise in the mess that was that story. Was it too much to ask for that to be the worst thing they heard?

[Buko]

“You’re late to the party,” he groaned half asleep, “Death parade been goin’ for nine days now. We didn't start shit.”

Ace let Saku’s waist go, as nice as it was to just feel kindness, it felt weird in the morning light. It felt strange after hearing Ivy’s name—which made him think of Meilin and now…Saku. Beat just waltzed into that, didn't he? He was good at overcomplicating things. Never failed. Ace didn’t need anyone to lead him on, his heart and mind got there all on its own. Sakurako Jackson, three lockers down, theater geek--good e-fuckin'-nuff.

As he rolled away from her and from his side onto his back, the morning sky became the only thing that took up his mind’s eye. The announcement came and the announcement went, familiar names amongst the killers and the killed. Ace and Saku both. Angie was still kickin' and so was Connor. How many were left? Thirty kids or some shit? How big was his class? How many people had gone on the trip? Like one-fiddy? Maybe more…

It was too late in the game to be thinking about that shit. He hadn't paid attention to a lot of the announcements and the majority of them blurred together, why pretend now? He was late to the party and not fashionably so. Ace had been preoccupied with distracting himself from his mortality since day one--day ten nothing much had changed. Things would have to change, he knew that. Do what you've always done and you get what you've always gotten.

It had been nice though, lying there with Saku. Like it had been nice lying there with Ivy. And Meilin. There was no good ending out here—why’d he keep on chasing it? Ace’s mind was a pendulum and it swung from being desperate for acknowledgement and desperate for affection. Any port in a storm—it didn’t matter which port. Any girl that would take him—it didn’t matter which girl. There were lies he told himself, in the middle of feeling nice, that he only believed in the moment. The lies you told yourself were the most dangerous, the lies you told yourself that you actually believed—the most deadly. He knew that. He did. Honest.

So what game was he playing? Not survival of the fittest, that was for certain. And yet, here he was, surviving.

The announcement came and went, Saku and Ace lied together side by side for another moment.

Ace sat up and his free arm found the pistol that had been on his other side, like a glass of water on a nightstand or someone’s glasses by their pillow. The metal and wood grain of the .45 felt warm in his grip.

“Got any plans for today?”

[Sunnybunny]

He let go, rolled over. While it wasn't as inherently pleasant, lying side to side was fine too. All the better for him to see her pouty face.

"You know what I meant though! Don't be an Ace Dick."

The announcements came, the announcements went, but Sakurako's expression was stuck on anger the moment she heard about Yuka's death. She'd never gotten to give her a hug, or thank her for being so welcoming all those years ago. Once again, her arms were empty.

Stupid Erika. Erika could just hop on the express train to the seventh layer of hell. With gasoline pants on, except maybe that part of hell wasn't hot because she'd never read Dante's (gosh, thinking about him hurt too) Inferno. Maybe the friction when she walked would work like a match or something. But because she'd decided not to kill again, that girl's fate was out of her hands.

Vengeance led to more pain.

Some part of her wanted desperately to cause pain, even if it would come back to her.

After a moment, Ace sat up and got his gun. Well, a gun of his. Thomas's was in reaching distance, but she wasn't ready to touch it yet. He could kill her now with no real opposition, but worrying about it wasn't going to do much good.

You win some, you lose some. Being so careless about life was foolish, but it was a step up from wanting to die.

"Just to keep moving. With my leg I wouldn't make it out of a danger zone if I got caught in one, and I have a few guesses where this'll all end."

And since he was probably trying to make this a one-night thing, was there any harm in teasing a little?

"Lake's got water. Maybe I can do some washing up, colors and whites..."

[Buko]

“Always thought you cleaned up kinda nice.”

It was stupid and so was he. He was injured and so was she—he still had his legs though. Nobody ran faster than Ace Beats, not in Chattanooga and not on this stupid island. There was a selfishness in keeping her around, right? You didn’t have to be fastest --you just had to be faster. There was a certain practicality, wasn't there? It's not like he didn't get anything out of keeping her 'round. He needed to feel needed. He needed to feel powerful. Well, as powerful as he could. People at George Hunter looked at him like a star. He knew that. Ace was proud of that. Beats had earned that. Thank God for what he did with blocking against a shaky defense--he was still living off of that credit.

Ivy needed crutches? Well, so did Ace. Saku needed someone to lean on? Well, funny thing was...

“I gotta find Blaise and Justin,” that was some heavy-duty shit, “I wanna find Angie again…,” that was even heavier, he thought, “But…”

When he had left Angie, it was because he had wanted to be alone. This solitary path of struggle was tough to walk and it could only be walked alone. Ace was tired, Ace could use a break…

“I dunno…”

When victories came—you took ‘em, especially out here.

“Lake's as good a place as any," flashback to the morning of day nine and echoes of gunshots, "That cool?"

[Sunnybunny]

Her laughter was clearly flustered, but it was a miracle she could still laugh at all. She wasn't imagining how cheeky that statement was, right? Clearly Sakurako was out of her depth when it came this sort of thing, even one boyfriend and a proposal in.

Floozy. Hoochie. Thirstbucket.

She wondered what her intendeds would think, but all her answers would be from her own mind. For now, she was alone. With Ace. Just a guy like any other, yeah?

Yeah. Right.

She nodded at his goals, though they were a step more than taking each day as it came. She didn't know Angie well, but Blaise was trouble. Justin was even more trouble and she didn't want to see him again in this life.

The island didn't give a damn what she wanted. It's why she had to be greedy with everything she got.

"Not half as nice as you, Beats." Maybe she would just die now and never have to wonder what it was she was grasping for. "And `s fine with me."

Two bros, boldly going where two bros had probably been before. Cool. It would go swimmingly.

Get it? Because of... ah, nevermind.

[Buko]

Was it that easy? Had it always been? Or was this just because ‘Well, gonna die anyway, so fuck it!’. Did it really matter why?

Hell, what-the-fuck was her game anyway? Did she had to have one?

Still, it was fake it till you make it, right? That was his motto even before the terrorist kidnapping. Meilin forgave him and Meilin fought for him and Meilin had died. Ivy had trusted him and Ivy had relied on him and bam! Ivy was killed too. Saku was playing with fire and she would get burned, it was just a matter of when. Ace had to be ready, but like, that didn’t mean he couldn’t enjoy the present, right? When shit went down, he would take care of Ace. That much was true. That fact had been proven.

And what kinda ego is that?

The cruel and callous part of his heart had gained far too much traction and it was fighting against his better and more tired nature. If we were born to die, why do we fight to survive? He could take himself out and Saku both…but he didn’t have the stomach for that. Ace wanted to go out like a Viking. He wanted to be brave. He wanted to die screaming. Noble, dying for something bigger than himself…

He knew better. He knew there was no such thing.

Still, it was fake it till you make it, right? One way to be a hero is to just pretend you were one. His imagination was running on empty but his sense of self-denial had never been higher. June 19th might as well have been Opposite day.

“A’ight,” he nodded, “Let’s do it then.”

Ace gathered the stuff, his bags and his belongings. She did the same. They limped out of the lookout hand-in-hand, one step at a time, inch by inch. Theater geeks and jocks didn’t mix much, but everybody played a role, didn’t they? Much had changed…

That remained the same.
[ Ace Beats & Sakurako Jackson Continued In: all i ever asked is keep it 8 more than 92 with me ]