@shdwmstr recordings and transcripts june 14th
Posted: Tue Dec 17, 2019 5:01 am
((Hel Fury Continued From We Don't Need Another Song About California))
[crunching]
HF(muffled, crunching): I just
[panting]
[crunching]
[heaving]
[vomiting]
[heavy breathing]
HF: I hope, I hope you didn't see that Bobby.
[plastic scraping]
[swallowing]
[heavy breathing, sustained]
[panting]
[silence]
[sighing]
HF: I buried...I mean, no, I didn't, he barely got...and I mean, I didn't do anything, couldn't even
[choking]
HF: My brother died today Bobby. You never, I guess i talked but I wish you could have, I dunno. I wish you could have known him but that's kinda fucked up, like I'm wishing this on you too. Is that like, is it a weird silver lining? If I'd got you out here you might...they would have liked you, the whole group, and I think you would have liked them. At least this way you're just losing me. That's, that's something, maybe?
[swallowing]
HF: I dunno what I'm talking about. Dealing with all this...
[silence]
HF: I suck man. Axel and Abe are just...we're all fucked. Them more though, or maybe I'm more fucked because it feels like I can...I should be with him right now, y'know? I should be holding on and never letting go again, not out of sight for a second cuz one of us could vanish and never come back every time we walk away.
[swallowing]
[sloshing]
HF: I ran. I'll go back but I, I ran away. For a little while. It could be
[sloshing]
HF: All this, I need to keep doing this, but I didn't have to run. I coulda done this there instead of running till I puke. But it feels like, like I dunno how to, like what do I offer after...
[sighing]
HF: I don't know what you believe anymore Bobby. Fuck, I don't really know what I believe. The other side, though. What's waiting for us, even if it's nothing?
{swallowing]
HF: It's got to be, it's...there's this song Lloyd used to play for me.
[humming]
HF(singing): The problem is we only guess
Where we go when we finally rest
Will it be better than where we are now
Still I’d like to believe
It’s better than here
[sniffling]
HF(singing): Better than where we
[voice cracking]
HF: Better than...here.
[silence]
HF: I just, I hope the thought helps. Whatever happens it's better than here.
[plastic scraping]
[lip smacking]
HF: Goodnight Bobby. I love you.
HF: I never stopped wanting to be like you, Dad. It was weird, way things changed. When I was a kid I remember Momma talking so much about how I was just like you. I dunno if she said the same thing to Lloyd and Bobby so much, but I was proud of it. I tried. I wanted what you had. If I could figure it out maybe, maybe it'd all...
[silence]
HF: It'd all stop feeling so wrong.
[silence]
HF: Kinda messed all that up, huh? I don't...I've never looked back for long, and it makes sense why I could never get a handle on it now, but quitting wanting to be a man like you never stopped me from respecting you. Aspiring to you.
[clicking]
[sparking]
[clicking]
HF: You were, no, you are my hero. Always.
[clicking]
[sparking]
[clicking]
HF: I kinda wonder. Like in that gross part of my brain I can't turn off. I wonder if I, if I'd made it back if this would have bridged something for us. The...
[clicking]
[sparking]
[clicking]
HF: The loss. I know you weren't like, a soldier soldier. 'Just a simple corpsman in the Navy', slapped on every story you ever told like a disclaimer. But you lost people. Gods, you lost people before any of that. Everything with Grandpa, some friends growing up, I remember. Not as much as I wish I did. I remember though.
[silence]
HF: I'm sorry. Maybe if I was coming back but, but I don't get it now. Not the way you do.
[clicking]
[sparking]
[clicking]
[laughing]
HF: Give it a few more days.
[sparking]
[clicking]
HF: I was talking to Dad about, I mean, I was telling him how I wasn't coming home I guess but kinda dressing it up. Lose the idea in the stacks kinda. It's all coming in a stream here so I'm not planning it all that well, Lloyd. I'm sorry if I fucked anything up for him.
[silence]
HF: I dunno if you're even hearing this. Seeing it. Whatever.
[clicking]
[sparking]
[clicking]
HF: If you're...
[clicking]
[sparking]
[clicking]
HF: If you're watching could you just, just look away for a little bit? Don't go but...don't look, if that's how it has to be. I've gotta look a real horror show by now.
[silence, sustained]
HF: Okay. That's long enough, right? If you're not doing it, you're not doing it.
[clicking]
HF: I got to thinking after Dad about how somebody's coming back. Somebody might be back, I dunno how this works. I hope not. I want you to hear this first because I know what you'll do if...
[clicking]
HF: If it's somebody who hurt me. Or somebody I cared about, or, fuck, just walking away when I didn't could be enough, I don't know. I'm afraid Lloyd. I'm...
[laughter]
HF: I sang a few lines of that Stabilo track we like for Bobby earlier. Chorus just crossed through my head.
HF(singing): So you better come quick
I’m about to do something foolish
If you could be so kind
As to call the police
[silence]
[clicking]
HF: You've come a long way since, y'know, since we were kids. You never needed me to like, to tell you not to do anything stupid. I need you to know though. Just, just for my conscience I need to tell you, whatever happens?
[silence]
[clicking]
[silence]
HF: It was always on me. This was my choice.
[gunshot]
[thud]
[thud]
[silence]
[panting]
[screaming, sustained]
[sobbing]
[sniffling]
[panting]
[silence]
[shuffling]
HF(muffled): couldn't [ineligible couldn't sorry couldn't sorry [ineligible] {ineligible] sorry [ineligible] go [ineligible] sorry {ineligible] {ineligible] {ineligible] couldn't couldn't couldn't {ineligible] {ineligible] {ineligible] {ineligible] {ineligible]
[crunching]
[silence]
((Hel Fury Continued In my heart will be blacker than your eyes when i'm through with you))
bobbyboone061418.mp3
[crunching]
HF(muffled, crunching): I just
[panting]
[crunching]
[heaving]
[vomiting]
[heavy breathing]
HF: I hope, I hope you didn't see that Bobby.
[plastic scraping]
[swallowing]
[heavy breathing, sustained]
[panting]
[silence]
[sighing]
HF: I buried...I mean, no, I didn't, he barely got...and I mean, I didn't do anything, couldn't even
[choking]
HF: My brother died today Bobby. You never, I guess i talked but I wish you could have, I dunno. I wish you could have known him but that's kinda fucked up, like I'm wishing this on you too. Is that like, is it a weird silver lining? If I'd got you out here you might...they would have liked you, the whole group, and I think you would have liked them. At least this way you're just losing me. That's, that's something, maybe?
[swallowing]
HF: I dunno what I'm talking about. Dealing with all this...
[silence]
HF: I suck man. Axel and Abe are just...we're all fucked. Them more though, or maybe I'm more fucked because it feels like I can...I should be with him right now, y'know? I should be holding on and never letting go again, not out of sight for a second cuz one of us could vanish and never come back every time we walk away.
[swallowing]
[sloshing]
HF: I ran. I'll go back but I, I ran away. For a little while. It could be
[sloshing]
HF: All this, I need to keep doing this, but I didn't have to run. I coulda done this there instead of running till I puke. But it feels like, like I dunno how to, like what do I offer after...
[sighing]
HF: I don't know what you believe anymore Bobby. Fuck, I don't really know what I believe. The other side, though. What's waiting for us, even if it's nothing?
{swallowing]
HF: It's got to be, it's...there's this song Lloyd used to play for me.
[humming]
HF(singing): The problem is we only guess
Where we go when we finally rest
Will it be better than where we are now
Still I’d like to believe
It’s better than here
[sniffling]
HF(singing): Better than where we
[voice cracking]
HF: Better than...here.
[silence]
HF: I just, I hope the thought helps. Whatever happens it's better than here.
[plastic scraping]
[lip smacking]
HF: Goodnight Bobby. I love you.
lloydfurysr061418.mp3
[slow breathing]HF: I never stopped wanting to be like you, Dad. It was weird, way things changed. When I was a kid I remember Momma talking so much about how I was just like you. I dunno if she said the same thing to Lloyd and Bobby so much, but I was proud of it. I tried. I wanted what you had. If I could figure it out maybe, maybe it'd all...
[silence]
HF: It'd all stop feeling so wrong.
[silence]
HF: Kinda messed all that up, huh? I don't...I've never looked back for long, and it makes sense why I could never get a handle on it now, but quitting wanting to be a man like you never stopped me from respecting you. Aspiring to you.
[clicking]
[sparking]
[clicking]
HF: You were, no, you are my hero. Always.
[clicking]
[sparking]
[clicking]
HF: I kinda wonder. Like in that gross part of my brain I can't turn off. I wonder if I, if I'd made it back if this would have bridged something for us. The...
[clicking]
[sparking]
[clicking]
HF: The loss. I know you weren't like, a soldier soldier. 'Just a simple corpsman in the Navy', slapped on every story you ever told like a disclaimer. But you lost people. Gods, you lost people before any of that. Everything with Grandpa, some friends growing up, I remember. Not as much as I wish I did. I remember though.
[silence]
HF: I'm sorry. Maybe if I was coming back but, but I don't get it now. Not the way you do.
[clicking]
[sparking]
[clicking]
[laughing]
HF: Give it a few more days.
lloydfuryjr061018.mp3
[clicking][sparking]
[clicking]
HF: I was talking to Dad about, I mean, I was telling him how I wasn't coming home I guess but kinda dressing it up. Lose the idea in the stacks kinda. It's all coming in a stream here so I'm not planning it all that well, Lloyd. I'm sorry if I fucked anything up for him.
[silence]
HF: I dunno if you're even hearing this. Seeing it. Whatever.
[clicking]
[sparking]
[clicking]
HF: If you're...
[clicking]
[sparking]
[clicking]
HF: If you're watching could you just, just look away for a little bit? Don't go but...don't look, if that's how it has to be. I've gotta look a real horror show by now.
[silence, sustained]
HF: Okay. That's long enough, right? If you're not doing it, you're not doing it.
[clicking]
HF: I got to thinking after Dad about how somebody's coming back. Somebody might be back, I dunno how this works. I hope not. I want you to hear this first because I know what you'll do if...
[clicking]
HF: If it's somebody who hurt me. Or somebody I cared about, or, fuck, just walking away when I didn't could be enough, I don't know. I'm afraid Lloyd. I'm...
[laughter]
HF: I sang a few lines of that Stabilo track we like for Bobby earlier. Chorus just crossed through my head.
HF(singing): So you better come quick
I’m about to do something foolish
If you could be so kind
As to call the police
[silence]
[clicking]
HF: You've come a long way since, y'know, since we were kids. You never needed me to like, to tell you not to do anything stupid. I need you to know though. Just, just for my conscience I need to tell you, whatever happens?
[silence]
[clicking]
[silence]
HF: It was always on me. This was my choice.
[gunshot]
[thud]
[thud]
[silence]
[panting]
[screaming, sustained]
[sobbing]
[sniffling]
[panting]
[silence]
[shuffling]
HF(muffled): couldn't [ineligible couldn't sorry couldn't sorry [ineligible] {ineligible] sorry [ineligible] go [ineligible] sorry {ineligible] {ineligible] {ineligible] couldn't couldn't couldn't {ineligible] {ineligible] {ineligible] {ineligible] {ineligible]
[crunching]
[silence]
((Hel Fury Continued In my heart will be blacker than your eyes when i'm through with you))