I Gxt Lxyalty

[Deamon]

((Arizona Butler continued from DXXM))

She felt good. She hadn't done anything to deserve the feeling of happiness she had. But it felt earned. You could probably argue that she had earned it purely through surviving. After all, if she had died she would have never found Jonah. It felt obvious to say. But even with that, there were many of her classmates who hadn't. Each morning confirmed that survival was a luxury. So maybe she deserved to feel happy. She had completed her one goal even with the miniature apocalypse happening around them. But she also knew that her happiness came at the expense of others. Specifically at the expense of Jonah, the one she had been searching for.

It was her who had convinced him to leave his group. She had planted the idea in his head. Then when he seemed resistant she had argued for it. He had never wanted to leave the group. He was loyal to Max and Darlene. He had wanted to keep them all together. But she had pushed him in a different direction. There were a couple of interpretations of her actions. You could argue that it was the right decision. Max wasn't mentally stable and could have become a danger. The tension between him and Lucas could have come to a violent boiling point. If you were being charitable she was removing herself from a group where her presence was a disruption. Jonah likely would have sided with her for decisions. It could have bred resentment or created distrust about where loyalties lay. You could also argue it was a more selfish direction. That she had pulled him out because she only cared about him. That she could have considered the group an unnecessary burden and was cutting ties while she had the chance. Alternatively, she merely wanted Jonah for herself. A neutral reading was that she saw the disintegration of the group coming and took actions to avoid it while keeping the person she cared about safe.

At that moment she was leaning more towards the selfish argument. That was just where her mood lay. It wasn't that she meant to dwell on it. Hell, she believed everything she had said. She thought it was for the best. Max was crazy. But what she believed was the best decision might not have matched up with Jonah's opinion. The obvious solution to that nagging question was to ask him. They were around each other all fucking day. But she couldn't do it. She was scared of what the answer would be. So she had pushed it to the back of her mind as much as she could.

Normally, she wouldn't have doubted herself. Typically she had a good idea of what she wanted to do and why. But Jonah threw that all out of wack. Not deliberately or even knowingly. But it was the exact same problem as when he had asked her to prom. She vanished into his presence, lost herself in him. She cared about him and what he thought about her. He threw her off because of that. Because he was special.

But that was also the exact reason she had convinced him to come with her. He was special to her and she didn't want anything to happen to him. It was an obvious admission but it felt necessary. It also steeled her resolve.

They were together. That was the important part.

((Arizona Butler continued elsewhere...))