Zombies Never Die (Reprise)
Posted: Sat Jun 22, 2019 8:27 am
On the morning of the first of June, Siyanda got up and went through zir morning routine of showering, dressing, makeup. Ze had coffee. Ze remembered to eat a decent breakfast. Ze kissed Faiza on the cheek and bid a civil goodbye to zir parents, and then ze grabbed zir luggage and hauled it out to the driveway.
Ze sat in the car for just a minute, listening to the engine purr and the radio mumble, and then ze pulled out of the driveway and started on the usual route to the school.
Ze pulled into the parking lot early. The buses were waiting already, but few other cars were there.
Dean was going to be there, and Bert, and Beryl, and Nona. Maybe Artem? Siyanda had never gotten around to asking him what he thought of the trip or if he planned on going during their occasional chats in the library. He would have been a pretty good roommate assignment. Quiet.
Five more minutes.
Siyanda exhaled slowly and leaned forward to rest zir forehead against the steering wheel.
Five more minutes. Then nine hours. Then a week. Then nine more hours. That was all. That was worth it, right?
This would have been an easier argument with zirself to win if ze hadn’t already pulled up the route to Nashville in Google Maps before leaving the house.
The idea had been there for longer than ze had cared to acknowledge it, really. The last week had just been… everything and nothing, and the flat realization that no, it really wasn’t worth it. Siyanda was going places, and those places included D.C. someday, because ze wanted to see it and maybe even go to school there, but not today. Not next week, not with zir classmates on a noisy bus and in a crowded hotel room.
Honestly, bluntly? Siyanda didn’t like most of the people ze went to school with. For the few ze did, it wasn’t fair to put a damper on their trip by being sour about the circumstances.
Siyanda had never been to D.C. You know where else ze had never been for an extended period of time, a place that also had museums and all that shit ze was kind of interested in, a place that was much closer? Nashville. You know what Siyanda had? Money, because ze had worked two freaking jobs for almost two years now. Ze could afford a cheap-ish hotel room for a week and gas and museum admission.
Two freaking jobs on top of school and band and volunteering, because ze had some freakish need to be better than everyone else on top of just being successful. Because ze had to be the best. Maybe a handful of other people cared. At this point, Siyanda zirself barely cared. It wasn’t fun anymore. Having the highest grades, the strongest work ethic, the most extracurriculars? Who cared? It was all resume padding, and ze was taking time off before college anyway.
It wasn't the destination that mattered, really. Nor the journey, as the saying went. What ze wanted most was solitude.
It was the end of high school. Ze was 18. Ze had a bright future, according to everyone who ever bothered to comment on it. Perfect time for an existential crisis.
As far as zir parents knew, ze was accounted for. They were used to not hearing from zem. Faiza would probably be mad that she didn’t get any pictures or souvenirs, but that was a small price to pay for sanity, in the grand scheme of things.
Siyanda started the car again and pulled out of the parking lot, leaving the school and other students who were just beginning to trickle in behind zem.
Ze sat in the car for just a minute, listening to the engine purr and the radio mumble, and then ze pulled out of the driveway and started on the usual route to the school.
Ze pulled into the parking lot early. The buses were waiting already, but few other cars were there.
Dean was going to be there, and Bert, and Beryl, and Nona. Maybe Artem? Siyanda had never gotten around to asking him what he thought of the trip or if he planned on going during their occasional chats in the library. He would have been a pretty good roommate assignment. Quiet.
Five more minutes.
Siyanda exhaled slowly and leaned forward to rest zir forehead against the steering wheel.
Five more minutes. Then nine hours. Then a week. Then nine more hours. That was all. That was worth it, right?
This would have been an easier argument with zirself to win if ze hadn’t already pulled up the route to Nashville in Google Maps before leaving the house.
The idea had been there for longer than ze had cared to acknowledge it, really. The last week had just been… everything and nothing, and the flat realization that no, it really wasn’t worth it. Siyanda was going places, and those places included D.C. someday, because ze wanted to see it and maybe even go to school there, but not today. Not next week, not with zir classmates on a noisy bus and in a crowded hotel room.
Honestly, bluntly? Siyanda didn’t like most of the people ze went to school with. For the few ze did, it wasn’t fair to put a damper on their trip by being sour about the circumstances.
Siyanda had never been to D.C. You know where else ze had never been for an extended period of time, a place that also had museums and all that shit ze was kind of interested in, a place that was much closer? Nashville. You know what Siyanda had? Money, because ze had worked two freaking jobs for almost two years now. Ze could afford a cheap-ish hotel room for a week and gas and museum admission.
Two freaking jobs on top of school and band and volunteering, because ze had some freakish need to be better than everyone else on top of just being successful. Because ze had to be the best. Maybe a handful of other people cared. At this point, Siyanda zirself barely cared. It wasn’t fun anymore. Having the highest grades, the strongest work ethic, the most extracurriculars? Who cared? It was all resume padding, and ze was taking time off before college anyway.
It wasn't the destination that mattered, really. Nor the journey, as the saying went. What ze wanted most was solitude.
It was the end of high school. Ze was 18. Ze had a bright future, according to everyone who ever bothered to comment on it. Perfect time for an existential crisis.
As far as zir parents knew, ze was accounted for. They were used to not hearing from zem. Faiza would probably be mad that she didn’t get any pictures or souvenirs, but that was a small price to pay for sanity, in the grand scheme of things.
Siyanda started the car again and pulled out of the parking lot, leaving the school and other students who were just beginning to trickle in behind zem.