Roots of Jade

[General Goose]

Bradley believed in credit where credit was due.

That was a perfectly cromulent comeback. Not exactly the most original thematically, but one of suitable savagery and spontaneity that he could not help but respect Kimiko slightly more. Sure, she robbed him of hilarious Clarice rage, but he nodded in approval, pulling that memetic "not bad" face as he admired her handiwork.

"Pretty good comeback," he replied, voicing his critical analysis out loud. "Not the most original or groundbreaking, but a pretty solid effort. Timing coulda been snappier though, although it was a good choice not to use text speak."

Yes, Bradley realised that that comment was a dick move.

But text-based responses to spoken insults almost always suffered in the credibility of their wit and the solidity of their comic timing.

The written response also lost an important aspect of tone, but that wasn't necessary for that particular insult, so Bradley did not raise that criticism. Anyway, her disapproving facial expressions had more than substituted for the lack of verbal nuance.

Yes, comedy critic was a backup career choice for Bradley, before you ask.

He could not pass on one final dig, however, as his eyes turned back to his bowling ball, turning it over in his hands as some sort of unnecessarily unwieldy fidget. "Although virgin-shaming strikes me as a politically incorrect sort of humour."

[Emprexx Plush]

"Whoa, dude. Did you trick me into going on a double date?"

((Isaac Brea Continued From The Funny Thing Is, I Keep On Returning Over and Over))

Isaac had returned to the lane with a couple of trays full of nachos and some soda. He wasn't a huge fan of bowling, but goddamn, nachos. The bowling alley was a nacho-shame free zone. You could eat an entire trashbag of the things and nobody would bat an eye, and all you had to do to earn this amnesty was play a kinda shitty, kinda okay game that nobody human was good at. It was pretty sweet, especially since he got to hang with Bradley, one of the only other completely sane people at school.

Their good time had been invaded by a couple of Kingman's finest though. Clarice was a pain in the ass, and a big one too, always bitching about offensive this or problematic that, like she couldn't take a joke. What a hassle, they'd never have any fun with her around. Kimiko was...okay? Like, 7/10? The whole not talking thing was weird, though, and he couldn't remember what was up with that. Probably some Chinese religious thing. Either way, it was best to run them off so they could get back to the fun.

"I mean," he mock whispered as he he walked into the lane, "I'm not disappointed...well, okay, maybe a little. Honestly, I thought you could do better. But, since you're a pal, I'll take one for the team." He walked closer to the dividing...whatever that vacuum thing bowling balls came out of was and gave an exaggerated wink as his voice went back to normal. "Ladies."

[Deamon]

He was making jokes about her inability to speak.

Ok.

That was the line for Kimiko.

Then he mentioned how her response wasn't very politically correct.

Kimiko glared at Bradley. There was so much she wanted to say; call him out on his obvious hypocrisy, how all he did was say stuff that wasn't politically correct to get a rise out of people.

The worst part was there wasn't really anything she could do.

No. The worst part was that he was right and there wasn't anything she could do about it. She could have cussed him out, could have told him to his face that he was a hypocritical scumbag, she could have said a lot of things to him.

But she couldn't speak and he couldn't understand her primary form of communication. All she could do was impotently glare at him and tap a message into her phone but even then he could just ignore it. Kimiko knew she shouldn't be responding. It would only encourage Bradley and her Taoist beliefs taught her not to. Bradley however had managed to rile her up, she was in argument mode. As she was writing her response out though Isaac Brea showed up. Things were going from bad to worse.

Isaac was if Kimiko put it in the way Clarice would have. 'A giant asshole'. Then he started being sexist. There was no winning. Kimiko felt helpless, incapable of actually mounting any sort of meaningful response because she was held back by the fact she had to type everything out. It was a frustration that got to her a lot especially in a situation like the one she was faced with. She finished typing on her phone and held it up to the pair.

Convenient you remember political correctness after what you just said to me. Shouldn't be surprised that you're a hypocrite though, should have expected it, you just say whatever you want to get a reaction out of people and think its funny because you either don't understand or don't care. I think its the second one. So if you could stop talking to us that would be great. Hi Isaac, if you're going to say stuff like that just be quiet.

The second part had been added on in a rush after Isaac had spoken.

Kimiko lowered the phone. Her day was ruined.

[ViolentMedic]

God. This... asshole. Just... this asshole.

Clarice would have tried to get a hold of Kimiko's attention to remind her that she could translate for her outloud. Occasionally Kimiko forgot when she got agitated (and who wouldn't be agitated after Bradley had the fucking nerve to keep making fun of her muteness) probably because her phone was accessible way more than Clarice was. But she also didn't want to just interrupt Kimiko (and just because it was typing didn't mean it wasn't an interruption.)

Instead, she directed words at Bradley while waiting for Kimiko to finish.

"What about you learn sign language before you start flinging shit about how she has to talk to you? Since you've got hands and all you don't exactly have an excuse not to, except that would require you to actually give a shit, wouldn't it?

"And there's a goddamn difference between virgin-shaming, and pointing out quite truthfully that Hell will freeze over before anyone could get over the repulsive shit-heap that you are. Only reason you even have friends is because the other skidmarks need someone to look at so they can remember there are shittier people around. Besides, you wouldn't know political correctness if it broke your jaw—something that I am seriously considering right now. Given that you don't know shit about talking with your hands you'd have to shut up for a while if that happened."

Okay, she wasn't actually considering breaking his jaw. Not really. Maybe in the little part of her brain where fantasies were born she had this lovely image of Bradley with his jaw broken. Or his mouth stitched shut. Or his tongue removed and his throat slashed. She could go on. But like any thought of seriously injuring someone, it was just that. Daydreams to stop her from cracking.

And she could always hope Bradley might think she was serious and shut up. Though it was unlikely. Bradley was too thick for that.

And great. Isaac was here now. Because Bradley wasn't enough. Not only did they have Mr. It's-Not-Funny-If-It's-Not-Offensive, but now they had the slightly off-brand version of the same fucking horrible mixture.

"Speaking of. Isaac. Hi. Shut the fuck up."

After Kimiko showed what was on her phone, Clarice added, "In fact, what she said. Just shut up and leave us alone, and we'll do the same. It's not like we actually want to talk to you."

She signed at Kimiko. If they keep this up, I can translate for you. Typing enough words to tell these assholes how gross they are will take far too long. It won't leave any time for bowling.

Granted, Clarice's mood was not bowling-centric anymore. She felt more like hitting a punching bag for a while and imagining it with Bradley's face. But maybe Bradley would stop now that he had someone else to pay attention to.

Besides, if they left it meant Bradley had won.

[General Goose]

"Oh God!" Bradley replied, completely aghast, a look of sheer shame and self-scrutiny in his eyes. He looked to the floor, reflecting on his actions. Their words had truly cut deep, had truly given him a new opportunity for self-reflection. Perhaps his comments had truly been lacking in humour, had truly been hurtful, had truly been devoid of any value?

"You're right!" he replied, looking up to them with feelings of hurt and apologetic intent apparent across his features. "Oh, how could I have been so blind to the hypocrisy of my actions? You pointing out my hypocrisy really has shown me the errors of my ways, navigated me from my wayward path onto the paved roads of socially acceptable good! Like Scrooge, I shall now compensate everyone I was wronged!"

The only part of Bradley's person not participating in this new, righteous, apologetic act were his hands, typing anxiously on the phone. "I shall start by apologising to you girls for my hypocrisy with this humble message!"

Any doubt that Bradley was actually being sarcastic was instantly removed as he brought up a message. The still image of Rainier Wolfcastle with the big bold text 'THAT'S THE JOKE'.

"Seriously, girls, don't be thick. All that spiel about political correctness and shaming was a joke. The hypocrisy was the joke. Surprised you two were too thick to realise that."

"Anyway, Isaac, think it's your turn to bowl."

[Emprexx Plush]

Isaac blinked at the message on the phone for a minute before he glazed over. Man, fuck all that nonsense. Just talk or whatever, or don't expect people to pay attention to you, y'know? Political correctness gone too far right here, it's a shit show. It was pretty handy that the mascot of raging entitlement and PC bullshit also happened to be on hand. Christ, she probably enabled all this. Whatever. Bradley wound up on 'em anyway, and with as pissy as they were being, they probably wouldn't stick around long.

He chuckled as he set down the nachos and went for the ball. "Methinks the ladies doth..." Shit. He'd just read this in a comment on his phone in line. This is what he got for trying to be all fancy, fuck it. "...bitch a lot." Nailed it. His fingers slipped into the shiny, green sphere snuggly, and he wandered back to Bradley with a smirk. "Gotta admit, I kinda checked out for most of that. I'd ask for a TL;DR, but," He paused to roll the ball down the lane and turn to his partner in crime for the evening with a quick jerk-off motion with his left. "That about sums it up, yeah?

[Deamon]

Kimiko picked up her ball and listened to Bradley's reply while wondering just how hard she could throw it. After both him and Isaac were done being awful she held up her free hand and signaled that she was going to come back. Turning away she took a couple of steps before rifling the ball down the lane, one of the pins got thrown back while another bounced up before falling out of sight. It would have had more impact if she had hit more than three pins but her skill at bowling wasn't great plus it didn't help that she was flustered.

As she came back she signed Clarice her response to Bradley. She had volunteered as translator and Kimiko was eager to embrace the offer. It meant she would be quicker to respond. Reply speed was going to be important as Isaac had made it clear he wasn't going to read anything she wrote. That just looped back around to her original problem, if people didn't want to read what she was saying there was no hope. It was a good thing she had refused an electronic voicebox, it would have only been the source of more mockery from the two boys.

"Tell Bradley jokes are funny and that he's just shock humor for the point of a reaction."

She paused for a second and thought. Isaac was just a typical asshole, Kimiko didn't see much point in actually responding to him, he'd just say something about her inability to speak and that would be that. Bradley however seemed to be adamant about the whole 'joke' part of what he had said.  Kimiko knew it was a bad idea to continue to engage him but she didn't want Bradley to have the satisfaction of her just backing down.

"Also tell him he's a clown with one trick."

[ViolentMedic]

"Oh, was it a joke, Bradley? Because the only thing you've ever said that was funny was claiming to be a comedian at all," Clarice snapped.

Clarice turned and watched Kimiko sign and nodded before translating, "Jokes are funny. What you do is just crappy shock humor, looking for a reaction over anything else. It's not funny. It's not clever. You're just a shitty clown with one trick."

Okay, the translation might have been a bit loose. Definitely a bit more... sweary. She hoped Kimiko wouldn't mind.

"And since you apparently can't read, Isaac, maybe you'll get this gesture just fine." Alright, so maybe double middle fingers wasn't the most mature gesture, but fuck it.

God, she just wanted to bowl. Her mood had gone right back to wanting to, but now it was more due to an overwhelming urge to do something physical. Whenever she got agitated, she needed afterwards to wrestle or jog or throw things. And goddamn, she was gonna bowl that ball so hard. She was gonna get a damn strike.

[General Goose]

After nodding at Isaac, to confirm that his summary of the two's rants were accurate, Bradley turned his attention back to the two lovely ladies.

"Well, girls, a joke doesn't have to be found funny," he said, with as patronising a tone as he could muster, tilting his head to the side and impersonating a chiding parent in his mannerisms. "Shock humour is still humour, and if you don't accept that, then you're just oppressing my culture."

He turned to pick up the ball, before remembering yet again that these girls were seemingly immune to ironic uses of hypocrisy. "Oh, I should add, since you girls clearly do not get irony: I was using the term 'oppress my culture' in a mocking sense, coopting the expressions of social justice warriors so as to take the piss. We okay on that one?" He grinned widely.

"How about we put all this aside and go back to bowling? Bet I can beat your score, Clarice." He looked at the scoreboards. "Gonna go all Andrew Jackson on your ass."

[Emprexx Plush]

Some say that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, but it also worked pretty well for just fucking with people. So when Clarice flipped him the double bird, Isaac turned with an expression of exaggerated shock and disappointment. "Y'know, Clarice, a lot of people find that to be an offensive gesture," he lectured as he scratched his nose with his middle finger. "You really should consider other people's feelings more, your, uh, insensitivity and shit is really hurtful."

With a pat on the back to Bradley and another gutterball soaring down the lane at break neck speed, he turned back to the girls. "Nah, man, I don't think they should get off that easy. There's a difference between telling a joke and being a bitch. At least we're trying to have fun. Ya'll know what fun is, right?" He was only half serious, but man, maybe they didn't. He'd never seen Clarice and a smile in the same room together, after all.

[Deamon]

There were things that could be done or said that would have aptly summarized Kimiko's mood. Sadly there was a limit to how much she allowed herself to vocalise and it was becoming clear that Bradley and Isaac were messing with them for the sake of it.

Kimiko knew better than to fight a battle she couldn't win. It annoyed her that she would have to concede to people like Bradley and Isaac especially after them making fun of the fact she couldn't talk. But the truth was some people were just-

Oh, they were having 'fun'.

Making jokes about her disability was 'fun'.

Ignorance was a funny thing. Kimiko had been surprised reading about how ignorant some people were but had always assumed it was some detached thing she would never have to deal with. As things stood it looked like she had been wrong.

Kimiko took a breath before turning to Clarice.

"I think it's worth pointing out I can't actually speak, so making fun of that was a dick move. Aside from that maybe we should just carry on bowling? Don't want them to ruin our day."

Sometimes you had to know when to quit and that time had come.

[ViolentMedic]

Okay, there were so many things wrong with what Bradley was saying. First of all, Bradley was a fucking idiot because jokes were meant to be funny. They were fucking jokes. The literal definition was 'to cause amusement or laughter,' and if he wasn't causing amusement or laughter he was a fucking failure as a comedian.

But, fuck. FUCK.

He was going to go all Andrew Jackson on her ass?

Fucking... fucker! Fuck.

She didn't even have words for the level of offensive he was being. Not only was he making fun of genocide—because ha ha your people were subjected to being removed from their lands and killed en masse that's hilarious—but—

"I'm fucking Navajo, you prick! Navajo! Diné! We weren't part of the Trail of Tears, you fucking asshole!" she shouted. "You fucking... gah!"

Somehow, the fact that he'd gotten that wrong added that extra level to her anger. Not only making fun of her, but not even doing his fucking research on it. Like it was too much effort to namedrop Christopher Carson instead.

And then there was Isaac claiming that she and Kimiko were the ones being bitches—because god forbid they be offended by mockery of their disabilities and the genocide of their people, how dare they—and Kimiko saying that they should just keep bowling and ignore them.

Clarice tried to sign something as simple as, 'yeah, I agree.' It wasn't working too well. Her hands were kind of shaky.

But ignore them. Right. Right. If you ignore them, they'll go away. What teachers always told her. They'd never been right, though. Ignoring it just gave them the impression that they could keep doing it.

But she tried. She picked up a bowling ball, but fuck... fuck, she was so angry. So she didn't roll the bowling ball so much as throw it. It sailed through the air, over the boundaries between her lane and Bradley's. As it so happened, just as Bradley was stepping up to bowl.

The bowling ball hit Bradley's lane, rolled down it and hit the pins for a perfect strike.

Clarice was speechless.

[General Goose]

Bradley was chortling at Clarice's incoherent rage, clearly satisfied with a job well done. Twas a shame Kimiko couldn't talk, as she looked like she'd be a perfect verbal sparring partner, what with her pent-up rage and easily-triggered emotional buttons, but Clarice was a worthy substitute.

Maybe that was true. Bradley didn't know his Native history too well, maybe he could look up some more culturally accurate insults, research and develop some more attuned sly references, really get in there with the insidious remarks and obscure quips. Maybe he could make one arcane and esoteric enough that Clarice wouldn't get it. That'd be a laugh.

But there was a certain humour in how hysterically she reacted to him lumping all Natives into one group.

Definitely an avenue worth future investigation.

Bradley had paused as he pondered such insults, but the need for them disappeared instantly.

In one beautiful perfect moment.

When the great wordsmiths would chronicle this day, this would be the moment of poetic splendour, of aesthetic flawlessness, that would win Nobel Literature Prizes.

"Woop! Keep Jackson on the twenty, because that is a stri-ike!"

[Emprexx Plush]

Wow.

Just, just fucking wow.

Sometimes the universe aligned perfectly and there was nothing you could say. He was completely speechless. Clarice's rage, Bradley's howling, Kimiko's mute whatever the fuck, none of that felt even close to doing what had happened justice. So why even try? Jesus or whatever clearly had their back on this one, so he was just going to let it ride and not say anything. All Isaac did was start slow clapping as he stared down the now empty lane with a big, self-satisfied smirk on his face.

[Deamon]

Kimiko could only stare in amazement. What Clarice had managed to do was the unluckiest lucky thing she had ever witnessed. As impressive as the strike was, it was also the worst thing that could have happened at that moment.

The last thing Bradley and Isaac needed was that.

Kimiko was inclined to wonder if her adherence of Wu-wei was being deliberately tested, it felt like it was. It also served as a reminder she need to reign in her anger and calm down. She never should have gotten involved in an argument like that in the first place.

Instead of reacting to Bradley and Isaac, Kimko typed out a simple message on her phone and walked over to her friend. Resting one hand on Clarice's shoulder she let her friend read what she had written down.

Fuck it. Better try again. At least it was a strike. ;P

She hated that smiley.