Elapsam Semel Occasionem Non Ipse Potest Iuppiter Reprehendere

[D/N]

Done. Done. ohholychristles.

Kaitlyn sucked in air as Mia stopped fighting and closed her eyes. Alan slowly rolled off the girl and Kaitlyn stared down a while longer: hearing Mia breathe, taking everything in. Mia always had awesome skin. Made Katelyn jealous at times.

"ugggggg.... oh man."

She traced her hand down Mia's jacket, into the pocket. The gun's handle sticking out, a treasure chest half-buried in the sand. Kaitlyn tapped it to make sure it was real, then pulled it out, holding it with her fingertips. Yeeeeah. It was more than real, it was a fucking Uzi.

And how amazingly had it all worked.

"oh man."

Her hands were trembling too much and she dropped the gun.

She rolled over on her back and stared up at the ceiling. She was fucking giddy here and her whole body was like seizuring. Holy. Kaitlyn couldn't get up, couldn't even consider turning over for now, she felt like a goddamn turtle flipped onto its shell. And when she snuck a glance at Alan and saw the look on his face she almost burst out laughing.

A few minutes, probably, passed. She started breathing again. Kay then. Sorry Mia.

"Huh?"

Alan had said something dumb.

"Not that much. I mean like half a thing."

She finally rolled over and got back up on her knees.

"Let's, uh, bring her up on the--"

OK, now Alan was shouting something. He sounded pissed.

"Or what? You don't just punch people or something and they get knocked out Alan, it's not like fucking TV, OK? She's fine, it was my weapon that's what it's FOR, y'know? Sorry I didn't tell you, but--"

Alan's look.

"She's..."

Kaitlyn scooched over on her knees next to Mia's body. What, was the girl already waking up or something? Just to be safe, she swept the gun away a few feet. Didn't want her suddenly up and grabbing for it like a zombie movie.

"Uhh...."

Alan's look wasn't like that.

Kaitlyn bent over Mia.

"Hey Mia.

"Hey"

...

"ohwhatthehell."

Mia still had really nice skin. Kaitlyn poked her cheek a couple times. Harder.

"Motherfucked!"

She glared back up at Alan.

"This is all your fucking fault!"

And maybe another knowing glance came between them. Kaitlyn wasn't sure. But in her mood, she didn't give a shit.

She dove for the gun.

[Zetsu]

Fine.

Let's take a look at Alan. Take a long, hard look, because Alan was many things but he wasn't delusional, right? No he wasn't he was always ideologically consistent and preached what he practiced and, and what was it that he preached again? Utilitarian, greater good, badass motherfucker. And, well. Look at him now. Innocent girl murdered in cold blood, and it's all worth it, but how do you feel? Yeah, Alan, fancy that. How does it feel?

He wasn't the hero they deserved, but he was the hero they needed. Yeah. Real fucking clever, was how he felt. But seriously, let's take a moment now and

"Yes."

How does it feel when

"It really is all my fault."

Well. Turns out it feels damn good.

And here's a big stupid grin from Alan now, kinda delusional-- no, definitely delusional, make sure you show your teeth and really force the thing out and if he could he'd do a big stupid evil laugh that'd be perfect. But he wasn't quite buying it yet. He wasn't quite buying it yet, and you know why?

Ideological consistency. Preach it, brother. Then you can do your fucking evil laugh.

Okay okay okay time for Alan to be actually totally completely honest with himself and yeah let's get on with it let's take a look. Stop wasting time. Hey, look, he knows he's stalling. Motherfucker's gotten self-aware.

So for real this time

A lone badass never had a chance of making this shit happen. So, like, what. Get a team, right? And if he's taking this approach, if he's gonna rebel no matter what it takes then it makes sense to be, like, ruthless. Pragmatic. Utilitarian. So far, so good. Except, well, y'know.

Turned out Alan was just a lone badass motherfucker.

"Oh, yeah, fucking wonderful. My fault you went and pulled out a fucking syringe I didn't fucking know about and used it on Mia, huh? That's totally my fucking fault. Fuck you."

He could barely look at Kaitlyn. Looks like he still hasn't followed through all the way. Close your eyes, hold your nose. Swallow. What does it do to him? Transformation. He becomes a new man. A remade man. An ubermensch. Okay, so the last one's a bit over-the-top, but that's all Alan had ever wanted to be. Over-the-top. Badass. Motherfucker.

There. He'd gone and said it. Alan was rebelling cuz that's what he did. Come death or high water or especially hell, Alan Banks gonna rebel, even if it's doomed. But if success ain't his game, how he gonna justify all the shit he pulled?

Simple. It's the rebel way. Wind in his cape. Wind in his hair. Doesn't he look so fucking cool? Yeah. Don't even pretend you don't think it. Thing is, he wanted some more wind in his hair, and he knew what he was gonna do to get it. Repeat it to yourself. Again. Ideological consistency. What're your ends, Alan Banks? And how you wanna end?

Alan opened his eyes. Looked at his hands. That's what you  do when you're remade, right?

"But hey. Fuck me too. I think this can be the start of a beautiful partnership. Eh?"

New dawn. New day. C'mon, smile. Do it for real. Don't force it. You're feelin' good.

[D/N]

What? No, Kaitlyn wasn't diving for the gun in some attempt to jump up and pump Alan full of lead or anything. She wasn't some killer. She wasn't gone crazy here. Piss all over that. It was just the aliens and zombies again, and when you didn't know what kind of shit had just gone done and were still trying to process it all, it wasn't a bad idea to make sure you had possession of the gun that had been the impetus of all these problems in the first place.

So Kaitlyn scrabbled across the floor for five or six feet, collapsed on the gun, and hugged it with both arms, before pirouetting on her belly and looking up at Alan before realizing that he was just going to stand there with his hands on his fucking hips and give her his speech and no, she wasn't about to shoot him.

Give Alan credit. He knew that. But it still pissed her straight off that he knew it well enough to stand there like the smug lord of all creation he thought he was and explain it to her.

"It's your fault because there is no fucking plan, dickfuck!" she yelled and stared back down at the gun. She made it up to her knees and stayed there, ass resting on her heels.

"You come across and you go on and we both knew it the whole fucking time that you never had anything and I'm not saying this isn't my fault too and... FUCK!"

The gun turned over in her hands a couple times. Ugh. She totally had to figure out how to use this now. Then her eyes flicked up and caught ahold of Alan's, and the two of them bored holes in each other for another moment before Alan... wait what?

"But hey. Fuck me too. I think this can be the start of a beautiful partnership. Eh?"

Fuck off, she still kinda liked the guy.

Kaitlyn sat there a moment. This was pretty uncomfortable. She eased her legs out to her side so she wasn't resting on them anymore. Better. Although it didn't help stop the fluttering in her chest that'd been going on since she'd killed...

Oh fuck she'd just admitted it to herself; the fluttering turned into a whirlwind and outta nowhere she broke out into laughter again. Not too crazy chuckling, just a few hiccups or two mixed in. She hoped.

She looked over at Mia.

"Fuck off," she said.

"Fuck off. I dunno what I'm doing now."

That was a lie. But whatever she was doing, she needed some time away from him to do it.

"We'll split up her food. If you wanna see me again... whatever, maybe. I'm not gonna shoot you or anything. Gimme a spot and time, next couple days."

Yeah. Time to plan.

[Zetsu]

"Fuck off to you too, then."

Man, it'd be deliciously dastardly if he went and punched her lights out right now. Grab her gun, give a one-liner, bam. Headshot. There was the issue that she, y'know. Had the gun on her right now.

Why was he compromising on this again? New life, new code. And you value the new code above all else, because what else are you supposed to do?

Well. There's a lot of stuff he'd be missing out on if he went out right now. Like, how can you be a new man if you're dead, right? Of course. Being absolutely devoted to an ideal means knowing when to make compromises to further that ideal, even if that means betraying your values in the short run. That was a dangerous path to walk, but so be it. Worse things could happen than becoming a misguided do-gooder again.

Um. Question to answer. Well. Since he got denied on that thing, he was gonna answer this question his way. No cost there. Right?

You shouldn't even be asking yourself that question. C'mon. You're not supposed to be so fucking cautious.

"Sunday high noon, chapel. See you there."

Time to be an agent of chaos. Kaos. With a K. Edgy.

Oh, who was he kidding.

((Alan Banks continued elsewhere))

[D/N]

The dumbest thing she'd done since Alan left was crawl over to Mia again. You know, to make sure. And Kaitlyn mentally cursed herself for doing it, because it was stupid, she knew it was stupid, and there she was still looking down, staring at Mia's dead face and telling it to get up you asshole, you're not really fucking dead here, right?

But no. Of course Mia was still dead. She looked OK, all things considered. Her mouth was a bit open and that was unnerving, but other than that, not bad. Just not good enough to fool Kaitlyn or anyone else. So she was dead and maybe Kaitlyn was fucked now, so she sat cross-legged next to the body and thought.

You know, if the zombies were real and not just the obvious metaphor Kaitlyn was using to describe her situation, this would've been a hell of a time for Mia to rise up behind her.

Kaitlyn flicked her eyes over at the girl, then grabbed both bags and dragged them over to the armchair she'd been sitting in before this whole shitstorm started. Yeah, better. More comfortable than dragging her ass along the floor, too. She settled in. Christ, it was so comfortable she could almost fall asleep here and...

Kaitlyn shook her head. Jesus, what the hell? Was the rush already dying off to the point where she was about to fall asleep? That... that was fucked. She raised one shaky hand and gently slapped her cheek a few times, then reached into her own bag and brought out a bottle of water, gulping down almost half of it. OK. Clearer.

Now go through this one at a time.

Speaking of water, Kaitlyn started with the bags. She transferred the rest of Mia's supplies over to her own, including the ammunition clips, and at least tried to avoid grinning when she saw them. That was good. Mia's personal stuff... less good, and Kaitlyn was feeling too icky to go through them outside of a bag of sour jujubes she grabbed and tore open immediately. Oh fuck yes, that helped with the ickiness. But she wasn't, couldn't really... OK she didn't give a shit about the whole ghoulish aspect of stealing from the dead but that didn't mean she couldn't have at least some respect for the girl by not poring through the rest of her stuff, right. Yeah.

Besides, what else was there to take? Mia wasn't close to her size and what else, was she gonna go through the girl's makeup or wallet or some shit?

She tossed the bags back down and chewed on some delicious jujubes and drank water for a few more minutes to kill time until she had to really think about this again. And when she got to that point she was about to just get up and wander the library to kill more time when she clenched her jaw and said no, she was doing this now. Think now, wander after.

Uggggg. This. Was. Fucked.

Not if she came up with something.

So anyway, Mia had gone nuts. Attacked her. Tried... tried to kill her, oh my god. The only way Kaitlyn could defend herself was to fight back and inject Mia with tranquilizer. Because... because she'd only wanted to knock her out. Kaitlyn was such a great person that she didn't even want to kill Mia after Mia'd gone crazy and murderous.

No, that sucked. Not only did it depend on someone actually believing Mia was a killer but someone's trying to kill you how the hell do you fill a syringe and inject someone in a fight for your life? No.

So, holy shit, Alan. He was completely crazy, that brute. What a bastard. He'd.... he'd forced her to. Uh... held them at gunpoint and forced Kaitlyn to inject Mia for his own sadistic pleasure. And then... she'd gotten his gun?

That was even worse. She wasn't even gonna dignify that attempt by bothering to point out the fucking plot holes there. But.

But Mia, she couldn't take it anymore. You know the situation, it's fucked. Mia broke down. She wanted to opt out. Kaitlyn understood. But Mia... she just couldn't go through with it on her own. She got the syringe but her hands were like shaking and stuff. She begged her. Begged Kaitlyn to help her. And Kaitlyn didn't want to, but... what are friends for, right?

That was better. Maybe. She still didn't like it much. But it might be the best of a bunch of shitty situations unless she could think up something better by the time the announcements went out.

Or even.

Kaitlyn cleared her throat. She looked around at the nearest camera. Ceiling, to her left. Yeah, staring down at her and blinking dumbly. Should she get up and like, present herself in front of it? No, sit down. Maybe make this seem casual. Especially since she still wasn't sure what exactly she was gonna say or how.

"So uh, hey terrorists. You guys.... yeah. I haven't really talked to you or anything. You probably get all these kids screaming things at you, so... maybe we make a deal instead?

"I mean, how about you guys, on the announcements, you leave me out of it? I don't really need that kill award cause I've got a gun and all. So you just say that Mia... she y'know, killed herself. You say that, and I'm like... I'm under the rader. You see? Wouldn't that be cool?"

She turned away from the camera and blinked. Hey. Maybe. You know what? No harm in fucking trying.

"Because hey, I'm serious about this idea! I mean, if I'm not on the announcements, doesn't that make it easier for me to, uh, gain trust and stuff? I could... I could maybe take out a w-whole bunch of people that way? Wouldn't that be something totally unique?

"So uh, think about it! Really, I can make it-- I can make it worth it to you!"

End. And ass. Not her best bluff.

Another poker reference. Double ass.

She sat there for a while longer.

By the time she left, dragging Mia outside because it didn't feel 100% right to leave it sitting there, it had definitely turned to afternoon and it was kinda looking like rain soon. Dammit. Was it considered worse, respect-wise, to leave someone outside in the rain? Nah. The rain would be good. Part of nature, like death was, really.

Kaitlyn pulled Mia over to what might have been a garden or at least some manicured bushes alongside the library wall, and left her there. Wasn't really concealed or anything, but at least gave her more privacy than sitting in the middle of the library. She half-heartedly tried to kick some dirt on it, but the ground wasn't offering much give and she sure as sour jujubes wasn't about to dig a grave here. Then, striding back to the entrance, she picked up her bag.

It was fuller, for sure, but her weight as a whole was lighter because she'd finally had to give up the shield. She was annoyed at how stupidly wistful that made her feel, like she was losing an old friend, but whatever. Besides, she could probably come back if she really wanted it later on. It'd been stashed in a storage closet and even if someone came across it, how likely would it be that they'd want to lug it around the island? Besides that, Mia's stuff, and the gun, which she had to at least get some practice in with soon, the only other stuff she'd grabbed had been two books from the library. Not that she'd ever been a big reader, but she remembered Peter Pan as a kid and liked it, even though it was like a hundred years old or something. Maybe she'd get in some flashlight reading during the night and feel like she was back home at age 10. Yeah. That made her smile.

So, step one of planning done. Step two?

Maybe she'd decide how the hell step two worked once she got away from here.

(Kaitlyn Greene continued in The Greatest Sideshow on Earth)