Prince of Nothing

[MethodicalSlacker]

Lili nodded in response to Maxim's suggestion regarding sleep. As long as she got some time to recuperate in general, she didn't mind having to watch out for others. Plus, she really cared about these people - at the very least, she cared about Benjamin - and she knew that they'd watch out for her too. If she had paid attention while she was looking at her light saber, she would've seen Maxim's reaction and known that she was being inappropriate with what she chose to focus on, but the energy he exuded was enough to make her feel just a smidgen of shame for being so carefree. The day was wearing her down.

"I don't mind doing shifts," Lili said, collapsing the light saber and clipping it back in place. The logical part of her mind told her that it would also make the most sense to hole up in just one room, but despite the fact that the time for such reservations had long past, she wasn't all too comfortable with sleeping in the same room as two guys. She could trust Ben, sure, but even if Maxim was his friend, she wasn't quite ready to let her guard down that[ much yet.

"I can take first watch," She added, "I've made it through today, so, like, another few hours won't be a problem, yeah?"

She felt her eyelids begin to droop, but it wasn't anything too serious. She had stayed up late before, pouring over history books or listening to old music. Hell, she had even stayed up from dusk to dawn, not just once, not just twice, but three whole times! She had the stamina to keep going. She had to have the stamina, or else...

Or else...

She didn't want to think about it. She'd have all the time she wanted to think, later, while she was on guard. Yeah, that would work out fine. Just fine.

[Malloon]

They had flashlights? Boy, he really needed to have another look through his bag, Ben thought. In that case... well, exploring this place now might not be a bad idea. That way they would have everything they needed in the morning, in case they needed to leave in a hurry. Might also be a good idea to note where the other entrances were. Huh, thought Ben, why had that reminded him of something Mr. Danya had said? He quickly shook his head. That would have to wait. He listened to more of what Maxim had to say. Sleeping in shifts? That was a good idea. He wished he'd thought of that, and was glad Maxim had. They could choose a room to spend the night in. Maybe even drag over a couple of mattresses or a beds, if the room was big enough and the things were worth it. Then, each of them would stay awake for a few hours while the others got a good night's sleep

There was just one problem - Lili. She needed sleep, and exploring and choosing a room and dragging beds or mattresses would take at least an hour, he guessed.  Could she hold out for so long, should Maxim and him leave her alone to sleep while they searched, should one of them stay with her while the other one searched alone, or should they really just wait until the morning? He felt as if he should know, but was already at the limits of his experience. People needed sleep, people needed food, people needed warmth, he knew all that. What he didn't know was all that people needed to do to survive a place such as this. Well, he did know one thing. People needed to help each other.

Aaand his uncertainty was for nought. Lili reassured them that she'd be ok for another couple of hours. He stood up. "I didn't know we had flashlights,", he said apologetically, "in which case, exploring now seems like a good idea. Should we, uh, stick together and watch each other's backs, or...". He paused, not liking the next idea, and, well, the fact that there was an argument to be made for it. "Or split up. That might help us search faster, but I don't like the sound of it. After that, we could drag a couple of mattresses or something into another room and sleep there." Who would take the first shift? Ben didn't know, so he added it to the list of things he'd think about later. He wasn't going to let Lili do it, though. Even if she could hold out another few hours, she was still clearly the most tired of the group.

Just then, something unexpected happened. His stomach rumbled. "Huh.", he said, slightly embarrassed. "I haven't eaten all day. I forgot about that."

[Rorick Skyve†]

Just about as he had expected. Lili volunteering to take first watch; she had that strange enthusiasm written all over her. Maxim would have admired her optimism, if not for the fact the he knew it wasn't going to help her in any way. Maybe it was her kind of coping mechanism, didn't seem too farfetched. A bit foolish, yeah, but each to their own.

Still though, in this case, it didn't seem wise to let her have her way. She clearly was the most physically exhausted of the group, he could tell just from looking at her. It actually kind of surprised him that it wasn't him, granted he had marched across half the island earlier, judging from the map he was given. Well, he hadn't walked particularly fast.

Either way it was unreasonable to have Lili take the first shift. In her state, she was likely to fall asleep before she did any of them any good. Her optimism putting herself at risk was her thing, bad enough and all, but now she was bound to endanger him as well, couldn't let that happen. But once again, Maxim was unable to say something since Ben started speaking before him.

Well, not only him, his stomach apparently wanted to have a say as well. He certainly could relate there, long day et cetera. Maxim rubbed one eye for a moment, before glancing at Ben's stomach. "No need to spell that out, your body does a fine job speaking for you. You know, before we do or decide anything else, we should all probably put our food rations to good use. No reason to do all the searching on an empty stomach."

He pointed into the direction of the room he hid in earlier. "Can have ourselves a little picnic in there. Like I said, the room is as good as empty, plenty of space for everyone, should work out fine. Unless you're one of those people who have troubles eating in front of others." Never had met one himself, quite frankly, but he knew they existed.

"Any objections?"

[MethodicalSlacker]

Come to think of it, the only thing Lili had really eaten all day were the crackers she wolfed down when she first woke up. Having a little bit of time to eat some bread or something, and also to have a few sips of water, would be welcome after such a long day. Lili knew that volunteering for the first watch in her state was, on the surface, a bad move, but she thought of two possible outcomes. The first was that they let her take watch, and after she did she could have a relatively longer period of uninterrupted sleep, and the second was that they didn't let her take watch and she could get some rest sooner. Either way, she didn't mind.

"None at all," Lili replied, picking herself up off the wall. Small bursts of static rippled across her vision from getting up too fast, and for a moment she lost her balance. Her first step off the wall was rougher than she thought it would be, like her foot was made out of lead. Lili stumbled a bit before catching herself, the ground uneven beneath her feet. She blinked a few times, and everything was back to normal. Lili just hoped that Ben didn't get too worried.

Shit, why was she so cheerful all of a sudden? Only an hour or two ago, she was torturing herself with thoughts of people who wanted to cut her up and have her pieces strewn about like shards of broken glass, and now she was toting around light sabers and stepping out of her bounds just because she found one friend of hers? For all she knew, everyone else could have killed each other, and they were the last three left. Lili felt panic rise up within her again, climbing up through her chest and-

Nothing.

She couldn't feel panic. The scattered feeling she had felt before just wouldn't come back.

Lili didn't have much time to ponder this, though, before her feet carried her through the door into the building, acting on a whim of their own. She set her bag down while she was inside, and opened it up, looking for her flashlight. It was as if her own body had gone into autopilot, reaching into her bag and pulling out the light. She turned it on and pointed it down the hallway.

"One of those down there, that open one, right?" She asked, just to confirm.

[Malloon]

"No", said Ben, just after Lili replied to Maxim. He waited until Lili got up and saw her stumble a bit, but she caught herself before Ben could even think of doing so. Yeah, she needed sleep. Her turned, bent, and rummaged through his duffel bag until he found his flashlight. The same flashlight he'd found earlier.

Oops.

He remembered it the moment he saw it again. "I don't like this. Why... why did I forget it? I just saw it!", he thought, nervously. "I'm not forgetful. Not... usually, anyway".

The more rational side of his mind told him it was because of him finding Mr. Danya's book, then getting scared out of his mind, then meeting friends and being the most relieved he'd ever been. He didn't listen.

The more rational side of his mind told him to put it on the list, not worry about it for now, turn on the flashlight and follow Maxim and Lili. He told his more rational side to stuff it.

His instinctual side told him he was hungry, and could continue questioning his sanity while munching on a loaf of bread. He straightened, turned on his flashlight, and prepared to follow his friends.Then Lili said something. He was so wrapped up in his own thoughts that he only caught the tail end of the sentence: "...open one, right?"

He hiked his bag over his shoulder. "Ehhh...?" He hoped Maxim had heard what she said.

[Rorick Skyve†]

Maxim's suspicion was only confirmed once he actually saw Lili move. Or rather, stumble around. Pitiful display really, this girl wouldn't make it through ten minutes of her shift before keeling over. Someone else would have to take first watch, that much was for sure. But for the moment, that was not their main concern.

He watched her rummage through her bag and winced a little bit when she turned on her flashlight, instinctively turning away a little. He felt like telling her to mind where she was pointing that thing, but she had probably figured that out on her own already. Recovering from the split-second dazzle, he rubbed his eyes, then looked down the hallway, towards where the beam of white light was pointing.

"Yes, that one. Seriously though, get in there, sit down and get something between your teeth. In this state, you'll hardly be able to watch over yourself, let alone us."

He rubbed one side of his face, pondering if he had been a little harsh in his choice of words. No, no, it had been necessary. This was about their survival, about his survival. Offending someone had to be the least of his worries now.

Deciding to follow her example, he put his own bag on the ground, quickly rifling through it - avoiding to even touch that damn useless bow - before his fingers found something that felt very much like a flashlight. He looked over to Ben, who had just finished getting a hold of his own one, it seemed. Things were finally moving along, it seemed. About time, really.

Maxim carefully closed his bag, then got to his feet, coughing into his paw while doing so. "Before I forget, Ben, what do you have in terms of a weapon? All I can say is, mine is no use to me. Probably not to you either, unless you've somehow learned how to handle a hunting bow."

[MethodicalSlacker]

Lili nodded in response to Maxim's suggestion. She could tell that there was a little bit of venom in his words, but at this point, she didn't really care. With a nod of her head, she walked down the hall to the open door, holding her bag by the strap in her left hand and her nightstick in her right, and walked inside.

The room was just as Maxim had described it. Barren, devoid of any distinguishing features beside the mark on the door. Lili sat on a nearby bed opposite the door and set her stuff down next to her, unzipping her bag in search of food. Eventually, she stumbled upon the piece of bread she got from Kaitlyn on the bridge and decided it was good enough to eat, slipping it between her teeth. Despite being an ordinary piece of bread, it miraculously tasted better than anything she had eaten in the past month. Each bite made her feel, strangely, just safer and safer in her temporary home.

In the distance, she could hear Maxim pose a question to Ben, something about... weaponry? Maxim had been assigned a bow, if she had heard right, and apparently didn't know how to use it. Lili was out of luck in that category, too. Unless someone had been assigned something as ridiculous as a bladed kite for a weapon, there was probably nothing on the island that Lili could use better than a blunt instrument.

Lili sighed, and took off her sweater, revealing her cherry-red Frank Zappa t-shirt underneath. At first glance, the color of the shirt brought to mind the blood on the other Lily's clothes, making the present Lili shudder. The sheets on the bed were clean enough for Lili to sleep on, but she wanted a blanket of some sorts to wrap around her if it got too cold. It wasn't freezing out, so she left her emergency blanket in her bag for the time being. For the time being, she left her sweater on the bed a few feet away from her, and went back to eating her food.

Soon enough, she had finished the bread, wrapped her sweater around herself, and fallen asleep on top of the sheets curled into a ball.

[Malloon]

"No, no weapon", said Ben, and started walking to the room that Lili had entered. "Unless you count an etch-a-sketch as a weapon", he said offhandedly. He was still a bit detached from the conversation, because of hunger and creeping self-doubt and whatnot. However, after a moment, he paused, focusing on the last tidbit of information Maxim had given him. He turned to face him. "Wait, you got a bow? That's... random." What was the thinking behind that? He figured the etch-a-sketch was a joke weapon, which made sense, in a sick and twisted way, but a bow...? He would have ruminated a bit further, but his stomach began to trouble him for food again. It quickly made him cease caring about whatever logic there was to Maxim getting a bow. It did, however, make him aware of the fact that this meant that both of them were basically unarmed. Well, except for... "You could hit people with it, I guess. How big is it?" It couldn't be that big, Ben knew, since it fitted into a duffel bag, but it was still a stick attached to a piece of string. So, something.

At this point Ben's hunger became impossible to ignore. So, while waiting for an answer, he slid the bag from his shoulder again and went looking for the bread. His flashlight he put into his left hand, which promptly lit up the ceiling behind him as he clumsily held the bag steady with the same hand. In no time at all he had found a loaf. A split second he paused, unsure of how to cut off a slice without a knife, before thinking how absurd he was being and sinking his teeth into a corner. He couldn't afford niceties like slicing bread, as he would have been forced to do at home. The bread was tougher than he'd thought, however, and he had trouble ripping the loaf from his jaws. He'd have to remember that.

He stopped pulling. "If I can", he thought somewhat over-dramatically. The part of him that knew he was being silly stayed buried in the lower echelons of his thoughts.

Wait, had Maxim said something? He had asked him a question, so he should really listen for Maxim's answer! Or couldn't he even be polite anymore?

[Rorick Skyve†]

Maxim watched as Lili scampered away and disappeared into the room he had occupied for all of two minutes earlier. Didn't seem likely for her to miraculously recover all of her strength after she'd be done with her meal, so she was probably out of the picture for now. Fine by him.  

He turned back to Ben and let out a short hum of amusement. "An etch-a-sketch? Didn't see one of those ever since I was...nine or so, I don't recall. In any case, you seem to have gotten it even worse than me."

To be fair, he'd have preferred it if Ben actually had a somewhat decent weapon on him, but knowing that he wasn't the only one who had gotten...well, garbage, that was a bit satisfying at least. Still, it meant that Lili was the only of them with an actual means of defense, her nightstick. Though he couldn't see her benefitting much from it, any somewhat burly person would probably still be able to overpower her. He'd have to convince her to give it to either him or Ben sooner or later, get the most use out of it. He'd worry about that later, best to work out things with Ben first.

"How big? Well, as you can tell, not bigger than this bag it's in. Honestly, I was surprised it fit inside in the first place." He'd avoid mentioning the writings that were all over the bow for now. Doing so would only make Ben want to see it for himself all the more and Maxim really wanted to avoid having to take another glance at that stupid thing at all costs.

"Let's leave that for later though, I'm almost literally starving here. Can't think straight like that."

He looked down the hallway again, trying to count how many doors there were. One was all they needed really or two, if Ben insisted him and Maxim have separate rooms. "I'd say we let your friend have her privacy and go occupy a different room, yeah?"

[Malloon]

[Skipping with permission]

As luck would have it, Maxim was still speaking. He was suggesting to give Lili some privacy and go to a different room. Ben pushed his distracting thoughts down. He needed to think clearly, to pay attention. He could think on his worries later.

"Later", he murmured, inaudibly. He forced that word to the forefront of his mind. "Focus". That one too. Then he stuffed the loaf of bread into the top of his duffel bag and answered. "I think we might want to let her sleep in private, but we can eat together, right?". He passed his flashlight back to his right hand, hung the bag loosely over his left shoulder and walked to the door, but stopped suddenly on the threshold. "Oh," he whispered in surprise. She was sleeping. There she lay, curled up on the bed and wrapped in her sweater. Carefully, Ben closed the door. She had been putting on a brave face, but she was clearly even more tired than Ben had thought. "Never mind, she is asleep.", he half-whispered. He walked to the door opposite and opened it. The room behind it was dark, as the curtains by the window were drawn closed and blocked what little light remained of the sun. Ben swept his flashlight over the interior. There was bed opposite the door with a mattress, though no sheets. He saw a door in the back corner - a cupboard, maybe, or a bathroom, like Maxim had suggested for the other room - and a nightstand next to the bed. Pieces of paper, some twenty in total, lay strewn over the floor next to the nightstand, on which a small stack still lay. All were covered with a fine enough layer of dust that Ben knew they must have been knocked over a long time ago.

"Here's good.", he half-whispered to Maxim, and went inside. He sat on the right of the bed, the side opposite the nightstand, and retrieved the bread from the bag. He ripped off a large piece (he was learning) and took a bite. It tasted good. Really good.

"How could you forget something like - ?", said a tiny voice in his head. "No! Focus!", he interrupted.
"How-"
"No!"
"But it's impor-"
"I can't do this right now! Later! La-"
"For fucks sake, this island is-"
"SHUT. UP. I have to-"
"You're going-"
"NO!"
"It's messing with your mind. How can it-"
"STOP! I don't.. I can't..."
"Talk to Maxim about it."

Ben felt welling tears of frustration subside as a third voice, a calm voice, shut both his others up. Talk to Maxim. Talk to a friend. That's what friends were for, right? Yeah.

He looked up at the door.

[Rorick Skyve†]

Maxim watched as his friend made to go and join Lili in her room. He was pretty sure he didn't approve. Not that he would have admitted it to Ben, but he was rather glad she was out of the picture for now. He knew Ben, he didn't mind his presence. Lili, he wasn't sure he wanted to stick around yet. First impressions could be deceiving, but still. He'd have to make a choice in that regard, sooner or later.

For now, he was content with her staying by herself. As such, he was just about to raise his voice to object to Ben's efforts, but it immediately turned out to be unnecessary. Asleep already, was she?

"Well, that was fast. I'm almost impressed, have to admit." He didn't bother to speak quietly, like Ben did. No way that little talking was going to disturb her rest.

He followed Ben into the next room, satisfied with how this had turned out. They wouldn't necessarily have to share this room for sleeping purposes as well, but for now, he was all too happy with sharing his company.

Watching his friend chomp on a dry piece of bread that enthusiastically reminded Maxim of his own hunger. Choosing the promising comfort of the mattress over the ground, he sat down on the bed as well, though minding to keep some space between himself and Ben. Seconds later, he had retrieved his own rations from his bag. He elected to take a good deep swig of his water to commence the 'feast'.

"At least it's non-carbonated", he remarked without looking at Ben. It almost made him chuckle, really. Here he was, trapped on an island full of his peers, forced to commit murder to survive and his biggest worry up until a few seconds ago had been whether or not his water was still.

[Malloon]

Ben was sure he wanted to speak with Maxim now, but he hesitated. Not out of embarrassment for his feelings or flaws - no, he'd never had a problem being open with those -, but rather because he couldn't think how to describe them. "I freaked out over a flashlight." wouldn't exactly convey his turmoil, nor that he felt he needed advice badly. Still, it was a start, and he could elaborate if need be. He stopped chewing, and swallowed the last bite of bread.

"Say, um, Maxim." He tried to keep his voice steady and calm. "I... I had a bit of a freak-out, uh, just now. It was why I was distracted, if, uh, you noticed." Why was this so difficult? He'd admitted to flaws before. Nobody was perfect; heck, that was why he could still get along with people who thought and did things that were wrong. They were all just human inside. "I... uhhh... Remember when you told me about the flashlight? I... I'd, um...." Ok, ok, he would admit it. He was afraid. Afraid that Maxim would suspect the same thing about him as he did. Afraid that Maxim might leave. But Ben knew that Maxim should know. That he should tell him. It was the right thing to do, as a friend. "I'd found it earlier when...," his voice wavered, "when looking through my bag. I forgot about it when you, you and Lili, arrived." He started to speed up, trying to explain. "I know it might sound silly, I know, but, truth is, I never thought anything could affect me like that, affect my mind. I'd looked at it, what, a minute, five minutes before? And I didn't have a clue about it when you mentioned it, until I saw it again." His bread now in his lap, he held his face in his hands. "I know we all have problems, flaws, sin, whatever. Nobody's perfect. But what if I'm weak? In my mind, I mean. Will this place get to me? Make me..." he swallowed, "do... things....?" Kill."Will I even remember doing... them? I don't want to, but will that matter?"

He had never thought of himself as a danger to anyone. The idea had been so far removed from him that at first he'd not even considered the idea that Maxim may have been hiding from him, even though Maxim hadn't even known it was him. When swearing to escape and get home to his family he hadn't even considered the idea that he'd lose control of himself . He'd thought he'd be scared, maybe, angry, possibly, but having no control over himself, as if he had no freedom to think and do as he knew he should, that frightened him. And if it affected him permanently, could he even allow himself to go home? Would he not endanger his sister, his mother, his grandfather and all his friends?

He kept his face buried in his hands, not daring to look at Maxim for fear that he'd reject him. For fear that he'd stop being his friend and start being his enemy.

[MethodicalSlacker]

Lili Williams was in the middle of a nightmare.

The streets of Kingman were empty, lit only by the light of streetlamps cracked open in the dead of night. The sky was ablaze with a murder of crows, swirling around in a tornado of feathers and primal instinct. Lili couldn't help but stare at the ground as she ran, barefoot, down main street. Broken bottles, shards of glass, dug themselves into her feet with each and every painful step. Behind her, she heard the devil stalking about on eight legs, each one hitting the ground with a stabbing thud. Further, further she went, turning off onto a side road where the ground was less solid and taking off at full speed.

The trees were adorned with bloodied bodies, strung up onto tree limbs by their wrists. Torn off clothes fabric, made red with blood, littered the streets, and plagues of rats darted from corner to corner. Crows began to swoop down, diving into her arms covering her face, picking at her hands, tearing off finger skin. Lili batted them away with the bloodied stumps of her hands. The birds continued to dive, slamming into her face, knocking her teeth out and to the ground. Her ears rang with the tolling of a church bell, endlessly sending pulse after pulse straight into the center of her forehead. Tufts of her hair fell to the ground as the last of the crows tore away, her nerves screaming out so loud that they drowned each other out and faded into a dull pain all across her body.

Eventually, she found the street her house was on. Lili ran towards her front door and opened it wide, jumping inside before the devil could catch her. Lili held the door closed with her back, the devil knocking on the door with force Lili had never felt before. She closed her eyes, fighting with every ounce of strength in her body to keep the door shut. Splinters of wood pushed into her back with each push given, and she cried out in agony, her throat burning with tears. Lili knew that she couldn't fight back for much longer. If she was in the right state of mind, she would've been impressed with how far she had gotten. Now, she felt only fear: Fear of dying at the hands of the monsters behind her, and fear of living with the scars that she would carry forever.

Then, she felt slippery hands grabbing her feet.

Lili's eyes opened, and she gazed down at the floor.

Bloodied faces stared back at her, with needle-teeth barred and ready to tear away.

Her back gave out, and she collapsed onto the floor, wet hands resting on her head.

The devil broke through, lifting the door off of its hinges, and scooped Lili up in its spidery arms.

She was tossed out into the abyss, surrounded by the screaming faces of people she could never save.






























Her arms shifted in her sleep, pulling her sweater over her head. Lili shivered in the dark. For the rest of the night, she had no more dreams, a blessing and a curse.

[Lili Williams awakens the following day, singing a Song for a Warrior.]

[Rorick Skyve†]

"Hm?"
Maxim didn't say more, since his mouth was occupied with the first bite of his loaf. He turned his head to Ben, careful not to make too much noise while chewing.

He had expected his friend to bring up the issue of first watch again, of their means of defense or really just anything else that had some merit to it. Something that helped them plan ahead. He got none of that, however, not even close. Instead, he was hit by a wall of words that he initially completely failed to make sense of.

He was confused, no other way to put it. Something had gotten into Benjamin all of a sudden and he was very certain that he did not like it. He had made out something about Benjamin being scared of being weak, at least he thought that was what his friend had been trying to say. The rest, he wasn't even sure. Sounded like a bunch of overly anxious ramblings, none of which he really felt like trying to follow.

Maxim kept his gaze fixed on Ben for a few seconds, having stopped chewing and with unblinking eyes. He felt a really strong urge to shake his head. 'Et tu, Ben?' Yes, that seemed like an appropriate quote here.  He really couldn't help it, with that display just now, he simply felt disappointed. He swallowed, then cleared his throat.

"Look, I'll be honest; I'm not really sure what you expect me to say."

That approach was probably better than outright telling him to snap out of it. Tempting, yes, but very unlikely to accomplish anything. From what he gathered, this was a minor mental breakdown that Ben was experiencing, so he had to be delicate about it. Even so, he felt annoyed at having to deal with it in the first place.

"What I'm getting is that you're letting all of this get to you, yes? Or that you're afraid that it'll get to you even more, maybe that. But see, I want to ask you, what did you expect?" Maybe a little too aggressive there. Then again, he had to be at least somewhat forceful to get the point across. Delicate but forceful, now there was a tightrope act.

"This is a situation no one could or should ever even have to consider being in. It's simply fucked up." He coughed into his fist, slightly embarrassed to have to resort to cursing. That alone was reason enough for him to dislike the entire situation.

"I mean, of course this is going to mess with your brain, one way or another. Really all I can say is: It'll happen now and then, you have to accept that. As long as it doesn't distract you from being smart about all this." That would have to do. Maxim really, really hoped it would.

[Malloon]

That was... well, better than what Ben had expected. He laid his left arm across his thighs and moved his head, so his forehead rested in his right hand. "I... I guess", he said in a shaky voice. Maxim's reply hadn't exactly been reassuring, but, truth be told, it was probably better that way. A large part of him had wanted - heck, still wanted - Maxim to tell him that he was fretting over nothing, that it wasn't a big deal, etc etc. But that wouldn't be helpful - like Maxim said, he needed to accept the fact that it was going to happen occasionally and that he couldn't let it distract him. It was, partly, a confirmation of what he had only feared up to now, but somehow, making the fact real, a reality, a defined obstacle, made it less of a burden. He laughed, a single syllable that probably sounded as hollow as he felt, but it still reflected that he felt a little better, just a teensy bit. He was still afraid, afraid of what what was to come and how he would react to it, but some fear had gone - as bleak an assessment as Maxim had made of the situation, one thing had been clear: he wasn't rejecting Ben over this.

He sat up straight. "You... you're right. I've got to wise up."  He let out another laugh. One more genuine this time, though it still sounded somewhat hollow to his ears. "Thanks for listening. And, um, sorry if I was a bit emotional.", he apologised. He knew enough about Maxim to know that overly sappy displays of angst weren't exactly welcomed with open arms. "I just needed someone to talk to." He managed a smile, and attempted a joke: "I didn't think a wall would have sufficed." He still felt shaken, but he knew he'd feel better later. At the very least he felt good enough to recognise that his joke sucked. Oh well.

He picked up his bread, and continued his meal.