Blurry Eyes

[RC†]

((Alessio Rigano continued from Hang in There))

Alessio questioned whether it was worth it to feel satisfied over Vanessa hurting him. He wondered what the point was. Whether it was worth it to get killed for the sake of spreading his name. Was it really all worth it just to make Vanessa sad? To make her regret it?

Perhaps. It was not like he had much to lose. Just a life that he would lose either way.

Alessio walked through the cove and stared at the beautiful moon of May. His arms, still in the suit. He failed to figure out how to free himself. He needed a pointy point to destroy it. He'll find it, eventually. Or not and die.

Yesterday, he was angry and mad. Today, he felt sad and empty. There was anger, but he had not thought about Vanessa while Michael fucked with him. Being threatened to be thrown out of a tower does not make you think about your emotional anger.

But yesterday everything, everything seemed logical and legitimate to do. It was legimate and logical to kill a person who was already going to die either way for the sake of hurting Vanessa, to get rid of competition, to let the game end faster. But it still went on. It was just 2 people he took out. And this day he did not kill anyone. The game did not feel like it would end faster. Yesterday, his mind was logical, his actions were smart.

But now, it did not make as much sense as it did yesterday.

He wanted to live. He did not want to die by being thrown a tower. He did not want to be killed by people who might want to kill him, because he killed.

He wanted to live, to leave and to leave Vanessa behind.

But it was hard. He can't forget the pain that was worse than dying she had caused.

The moment of rage only lasts some time, but it also goes away. But it also will come back.

He wanted to be happy. But that ain't happening while he's in the island.

He wants to start a new life. Get out, get new friends, move in a different city.

Future.

He had a chance for a new life. A life without Vanessa. With someone that loves him.

He had to play, maybe win.

...kill them...start a new life...with new friends...with new memories...

He could try. But he also could decide to give up.

Alessio walked to the water, to look at the water mirror. Al looks himself in the mirror. A beard. He was growing up. When he was outta here, he was grown up. No more this childish look. A small, tiny, chin beard.

That's what he should do.

Man the fuck up.

He wanted to start a new life. He would not do the same mistakes again, with barely befriending anyone. He would live a normal life. A life, where he was more open.

But...would the people out there want to have a killer as a new friend?

Hey, my name is Alessio and I killed two people, do you want to hang out with me? I survived SOTF and am traumatised and need meds to deal with it. I am just a normal teenager who killed two people in cold blood. Let's hang out.

But that was just one side. Alessio really felt like there was a devil and an angel sitting on his shoulders. He was uncertain whether his course was the right one. He had to think about it. Torn between yes and no.

Life isn't over. He was not in his 20s yet, even. He hadn't had a job where he gained enough money to start a family. He had a future.

Or he will die.

He was not strong, he was not a killer. He was just a boy. One that is not able to do anything. He had to look realistically.

Man up, become adult.

Alessio was hungry and felt terrible, because he had no food. No bag. No arm. No ally. He should search for one. Food. Ally. Bag. A way to get his arms free.

He should've stayed with Audrey. He wanted to, he should've. But he couldn't. He was too scared, But now he's scared because he's alone again.

He could not be with someone, because he could not trust them. He could not be alone, because he could not trust himself.

((Alessio Rigano continued in This isn't your average everyday darkness))