The Beggar King
Posted: Fri Jan 28, 2011 5:15 am
((Jeremy Franco continued from How to Win Friends and Influence People))
Funny thing about silver linings: they have a way of getting a little smaller, a little dirtier, if you look at them real close. Fuck, not even real close. Just peel back a corner and it's plain as day, just- what? Hey, hey. I know it sounds depressing, but- don't believe me? Okay. An example, then.
Here, look at Jeremy. He felt pretty good, just a little while ago. It wasn't long ago, was it? The guy just looked so happy, didn't he. There was this pretty girl who had done some very nice things to him, so of course he was happy. But that was fucking ages ago. It didn't make him feel all nice and tingly anymore, and who the fuck was he gonna brag about it to? Anyone? Anyone out there?
Not really.
Here, want another example? Look at Jeremy's hat. It looks pretty good, just a- no, shut the fuck up. Not the point. Point is to look at the fucking hat. Look at it.
Look at it.
Remember what he did to get it. Remember everything. Remember the dirt on her knees from when he made her kneel down, made her fucking bow down. Remember all the things he said to her- there was a Don't you fucking LOOK at me when I'm talking to you! and a You fucking RAISE YOUR HAND and you wait for me to CALL ON YOU! and a And fucking LOOK at me when I'm talking to you! Remember the sound she made when he kicked her in the arm, kicked her in the fucking arm. Remember that. Remember everything.
Don't stop. Don't stop remembering. Don't stop till your stomach is empty and your lungs are drained and you're hacking wheezing hacking on the ground bent over shaking wheezing and you fucking deserve it. See that little pool of vomit there- know what that's called? That's a start. That's a fucking start, but don't you fucking dare let yourself off that easy. You still have enough strength to spasm. Means you're not done remembering yet.
And what's that right there, is that- oh, that's a bit of hope. Well. Might as well get it all out, then. Go ahead. I'm gonna make it right- yes, of course- I'm gonna find her again- of course you will- No, really, I will- so where is she?- Somewhere- where is she?- Somewhere- where is she?- Somewhere else- yes, she is- And I'll make it up to her- of course you will- And I'll give her the hat back- and she'll care- And she'll care- and she definitely will. And it'll be okay, because whatever you did to her can be made up for if you just say you're sorry and you give her back her lucky hat. That'll make it good, right? Yes? No. No. It won't.
No such thing as a lucky hat.
Remember?
Remember. Remember and keep remembering and keep shaking heaving up crying because you deserve it. And no more of this bullshit about wanting to make it up to Kimberly. Not what you want. You know what you want, so say it. Go ahead and say it.
I want this to be gone.
It's what everyone wants. It's okay to admit that. Doesn't make you less of a man, doesn't make you a failure. You're not a failure. You're not a failure, right? You're not a failure. And hey, hey, it's a start. You're not going around wheeling and dealing anymore, you're going to be trying to survive like a real person. So you're headed in the right direction.
I want out of here.
Sure, sure. Understandable. So do what everyone does. Maybe run. Maybe hide. Maybe find someone and make friends. Maybe try your hand at some violence, maybe a- no? Yes? Okay. Don't have to answer that yet. Just have to pick yourself up, brush off the vomit, straighten yourself out a bit- don't worry, you still look fine, I'm sure you still look like a badass, nobody will notice- and start walking.
I want to make a deal.
Wait, what, no.
Where's a camera.
Cut this shit out.
"Hey, uh. Danya? Mr. Danya."
What the fuck is this.
"Mr. Danya, or- if Danya's not here right now, whoever's watching can just maybe record this and let him know later, but what's going on is I got an offer to make and I think you'd be interested."
"So, um, right. Where to begin here. Lemme- lemme just say that I respect what you're doing, okay. Maybe I don't totally agree with all of the- hey, but, hey, that's neither here nor there, right? Point is I respect you, and this whole thing you got going on, I get that. I get all of it. You wanna show everyone back home how us kids are just gonna kill each other for a shot at living, right? Cause that's gonna scare the shit outta everyone and that's what you're all about. And you got a good thing going here and I respect it."
"But here's the thing here, and I mean this with all due respect, is that you can't really just keep doing the same thing, right? Like, you've made your point on that level, we all get it by now, still scares the shit out of everyone but it's kinda just there by now. Does that make sense? Uh. So here's what I can offer you."
"I think we can maybe, you and me, we can prove something entirely new about us kids. Right? Cause we already know that we'll kill on each other, that we're gonna turn on each other that way. We've all seen that before. What nobody's seen before is that somebody's gonna sell everything and everyone out and just sorta make a deal with the devil- again, all due respect, you're not the actual devil, but- but you get what I mean, right?"
"I could, like, sorta... work for you, I guess? More like volunteering, haha! Ha! Yeah, uh, didn't mean to suggest that you'd need to pay me for this, that'd be, yeah, no, this is all up to you. But what I can do for you is be a mouthpiece, right? And I can tell anyone anything you want me to tell them, or- haha, you don't even need to, I can go on my own! Right? I can talk all about how SotF is a great thing, how it's, I mean, we all have it coming and we can only blame ourselves for how it always turns out, right?"
"Right? I mean shit, it'd be scary enough if you were the guy saying all of that, but it's just that much fucking worse for everyone if it's an actual kid saying it, an actual kid who's been through it right? And all you need to do is just get me off the island, that's like what- one kid? That's not gonna make much difference, you're not gonna really uh, lose anything but you're gonna still gain a whole lot. Yeah? I think we can really help each other out here."
"I really do. I really think we can get something going here and hey! Hey! I can sweeten the deal right? I can say everything you want everything you need and I can just also you know make it worthwhile from a financial place. I'm pretty rich I have some money stashed away and it's yours I mean I know this all of this has gotta be pretty expensive so I can help cover some of the costs and I know it's gotta be chump change compared to what you're dealing with but like I said it's the cherry on top and all."
"Please."
"I mean yeah this is all still up to you obviously but I think we can work something out I think we can make this happen and what I need from you right now is just some kind of signal that you're interested okay? It doesn't have to be a yes yet, okay? I don't need anyone to come here yet because it's not final. Okay? It's not final we can still change up the terms if you need and we can talk this out. You can send someone down so we can talk this out and maybe just make my collar blink once or twice so I know you're thinking about it."
And here he started to cry again.
"Please. I don't need you to say yes yet I just need to know that this is something you're willing to consider. Okay maybe just the collar could blink and then I'd know and then I'd be okay because we could talk more about it."
A long pause.
"I wanna talk more about it I wanna make a deal. We can make a deal. It's a win for both of us. It is. It is. We can do this. You can, come one, I need to know. Not now it's okay if you don't say now because it's okay and I can wait. Maybe you need some time to"
A long pause.
"Consider and it would be okay. It's okay. Just get back to me and I'd like to know please."
A long pause.
"Please."
There is no response. He waits for a blink or he waits for some words or he waits for the helicopter to touch down and no. There is no response. Listen. Closely. No. There is no response.
That's okay. That's okay.
It's not final.
Please.
Funny thing about silver linings: they have a way of getting a little smaller, a little dirtier, if you look at them real close. Fuck, not even real close. Just peel back a corner and it's plain as day, just- what? Hey, hey. I know it sounds depressing, but- don't believe me? Okay. An example, then.
Here, look at Jeremy. He felt pretty good, just a little while ago. It wasn't long ago, was it? The guy just looked so happy, didn't he. There was this pretty girl who had done some very nice things to him, so of course he was happy. But that was fucking ages ago. It didn't make him feel all nice and tingly anymore, and who the fuck was he gonna brag about it to? Anyone? Anyone out there?
Not really.
Here, want another example? Look at Jeremy's hat. It looks pretty good, just a- no, shut the fuck up. Not the point. Point is to look at the fucking hat. Look at it.
Look at it.
Remember what he did to get it. Remember everything. Remember the dirt on her knees from when he made her kneel down, made her fucking bow down. Remember all the things he said to her- there was a Don't you fucking LOOK at me when I'm talking to you! and a You fucking RAISE YOUR HAND and you wait for me to CALL ON YOU! and a And fucking LOOK at me when I'm talking to you! Remember the sound she made when he kicked her in the arm, kicked her in the fucking arm. Remember that. Remember everything.
Don't stop. Don't stop remembering. Don't stop till your stomach is empty and your lungs are drained and you're hacking wheezing hacking on the ground bent over shaking wheezing and you fucking deserve it. See that little pool of vomit there- know what that's called? That's a start. That's a fucking start, but don't you fucking dare let yourself off that easy. You still have enough strength to spasm. Means you're not done remembering yet.
And what's that right there, is that- oh, that's a bit of hope. Well. Might as well get it all out, then. Go ahead. I'm gonna make it right- yes, of course- I'm gonna find her again- of course you will- No, really, I will- so where is she?- Somewhere- where is she?- Somewhere- where is she?- Somewhere else- yes, she is- And I'll make it up to her- of course you will- And I'll give her the hat back- and she'll care- And she'll care- and she definitely will. And it'll be okay, because whatever you did to her can be made up for if you just say you're sorry and you give her back her lucky hat. That'll make it good, right? Yes? No. No. It won't.
No such thing as a lucky hat.
Remember?
Remember. Remember and keep remembering and keep shaking heaving up crying because you deserve it. And no more of this bullshit about wanting to make it up to Kimberly. Not what you want. You know what you want, so say it. Go ahead and say it.
I want this to be gone.
It's what everyone wants. It's okay to admit that. Doesn't make you less of a man, doesn't make you a failure. You're not a failure. You're not a failure, right? You're not a failure. And hey, hey, it's a start. You're not going around wheeling and dealing anymore, you're going to be trying to survive like a real person. So you're headed in the right direction.
I want out of here.
Sure, sure. Understandable. So do what everyone does. Maybe run. Maybe hide. Maybe find someone and make friends. Maybe try your hand at some violence, maybe a- no? Yes? Okay. Don't have to answer that yet. Just have to pick yourself up, brush off the vomit, straighten yourself out a bit- don't worry, you still look fine, I'm sure you still look like a badass, nobody will notice- and start walking.
I want to make a deal.
Wait, what, no.
Where's a camera.
Cut this shit out.
"Hey, uh. Danya? Mr. Danya."
What the fuck is this.
"Mr. Danya, or- if Danya's not here right now, whoever's watching can just maybe record this and let him know later, but what's going on is I got an offer to make and I think you'd be interested."
"So, um, right. Where to begin here. Lemme- lemme just say that I respect what you're doing, okay. Maybe I don't totally agree with all of the- hey, but, hey, that's neither here nor there, right? Point is I respect you, and this whole thing you got going on, I get that. I get all of it. You wanna show everyone back home how us kids are just gonna kill each other for a shot at living, right? Cause that's gonna scare the shit outta everyone and that's what you're all about. And you got a good thing going here and I respect it."
"But here's the thing here, and I mean this with all due respect, is that you can't really just keep doing the same thing, right? Like, you've made your point on that level, we all get it by now, still scares the shit out of everyone but it's kinda just there by now. Does that make sense? Uh. So here's what I can offer you."
"I think we can maybe, you and me, we can prove something entirely new about us kids. Right? Cause we already know that we'll kill on each other, that we're gonna turn on each other that way. We've all seen that before. What nobody's seen before is that somebody's gonna sell everything and everyone out and just sorta make a deal with the devil- again, all due respect, you're not the actual devil, but- but you get what I mean, right?"
"I could, like, sorta... work for you, I guess? More like volunteering, haha! Ha! Yeah, uh, didn't mean to suggest that you'd need to pay me for this, that'd be, yeah, no, this is all up to you. But what I can do for you is be a mouthpiece, right? And I can tell anyone anything you want me to tell them, or- haha, you don't even need to, I can go on my own! Right? I can talk all about how SotF is a great thing, how it's, I mean, we all have it coming and we can only blame ourselves for how it always turns out, right?"
"Right? I mean shit, it'd be scary enough if you were the guy saying all of that, but it's just that much fucking worse for everyone if it's an actual kid saying it, an actual kid who's been through it right? And all you need to do is just get me off the island, that's like what- one kid? That's not gonna make much difference, you're not gonna really uh, lose anything but you're gonna still gain a whole lot. Yeah? I think we can really help each other out here."
"I really do. I really think we can get something going here and hey! Hey! I can sweeten the deal right? I can say everything you want everything you need and I can just also you know make it worthwhile from a financial place. I'm pretty rich I have some money stashed away and it's yours I mean I know this all of this has gotta be pretty expensive so I can help cover some of the costs and I know it's gotta be chump change compared to what you're dealing with but like I said it's the cherry on top and all."
"Please."
"I mean yeah this is all still up to you obviously but I think we can work something out I think we can make this happen and what I need from you right now is just some kind of signal that you're interested okay? It doesn't have to be a yes yet, okay? I don't need anyone to come here yet because it's not final. Okay? It's not final we can still change up the terms if you need and we can talk this out. You can send someone down so we can talk this out and maybe just make my collar blink once or twice so I know you're thinking about it."
And here he started to cry again.
"Please. I don't need you to say yes yet I just need to know that this is something you're willing to consider. Okay maybe just the collar could blink and then I'd know and then I'd be okay because we could talk more about it."
A long pause.
"I wanna talk more about it I wanna make a deal. We can make a deal. It's a win for both of us. It is. It is. We can do this. You can, come one, I need to know. Not now it's okay if you don't say now because it's okay and I can wait. Maybe you need some time to"
A long pause.
"Consider and it would be okay. It's okay. Just get back to me and I'd like to know please."
A long pause.
"Please."
There is no response. He waits for a blink or he waits for some words or he waits for the helicopter to touch down and no. There is no response. Listen. Closely. No. There is no response.
That's okay. That's okay.
It's not final.
Please.