Sierra Manning, Female student no. 007 Start
Even now, as she numbly maneuvered up the slick, dew-laden grass, Sierra Manning—otherwise known as G007—hadn't been able to fully comprehend, or rather accept, her current situation. Even now, as the last of her chemical-induced drowsiness had begun to wear off, Sierra Manning wouldn't believe that she was expected to kill her classmates. Or die in the process.
Her fingers explored the constricting metal collar softly, wearily, knowing full well that bad things would happen should she tug even the least bit too hard. Her eyes were red and her cheeks flushed and tear stained from an earlier episode. She hardly remembered crying, to be honest, and even less about waking up. Just Josie shaking her and their promise. And now... this.
She could feel hot tears welling up in her eyes once more as she looked up at Josie, who was carrying both of their duffel bags on her shoulder, a map in one hand and, more or less, Sierra in the other. She was so... worthless. She couldn't even manage to climb a hill without Josie so much as dragging her up it. Wiping her eyes with the sleeve of her jacket—which she didn't remember putting on—, Sierra managed to croak out an offer.
"Joze, I can ta—,"
"No."
The stony response caught Sierra off guard. Attempting to stop the quivering of her chin proved to be a futile effort and before long hot tears rolled down her face. She could feel Josie's hand tightened around hers, probably with realization. She looked back to face Sierra and spoke softly.
"Sorry... I just...."She paused, "I've got them, okay? Let's just keep moving." Josie smiled quickly at her, though it was visibly forced. Her eyes darted to the map in her hands and her face paled. The soft cries of the seagulls and the distant crashing of waves explained her pallor. Wherever they were going was close, probably right over the hill that they had once again began climbing up. Butterflies began to form in Sierra's stomach.
The great blue ocean greeted them once the hill came to an end and cold as ice wind taunted them, cutting at them like daggers. A chill ran the length of Sierra's body, though she couldn't tell if it was due to the frigid wind or the sudden terror that engulfed her. Josie dropped the duffels with a thud and grimly announced "We're here."
A surge of butterflies erupted in her stomach once more, threatening to devour her sinking heart. She glanced at Josie quickly, who was staring blankly at the open horizon with glassy-looking eyes. It wasn't normal for Josie to cry, Josie never cried.
But there was nothing normal about this.
Creeping cautiously to the edge, Sierra peered down the length of the cliff. A lump formed in her throat and her heart beat against her eardrums. It wasn't every day you looked at your final resting spot.
But now, as the morning wind and the fingers of Death danced upon her skin, Sierra Manning realized that there was no escaping it. But now, as the waves crashed upon to the suddenly inviting rocks, Sierra Manning realized that she was probably going to die.
"Are you sure you... wanna do this?"
We Are The Sleepyheads
"People Look At Us And Think We're Doing Fine" [Topic Closed]
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ZombiexCreame†
- Posts: 305
- Joined: Sat Sep 01, 2018 6:29 am
Josie Vernon groaned and opened her eyes slowly, all of her senses coming alive at once. She found herself in a state of confusion, and the groggy sensation in her mind and limbs definitely wasn't helping. Slowly pulling herself up from the wet grass, the red-headed scenester peered around and blinked. What the hell? This wasn't the camp site that everyone in the senior class had been promised. Or was it? She honestly had no idea.. Her head was a mess. Running a hand across her face, (and accidentally smearing her carefully applied makeup) Josie shook her head and tried to collect her memories.
She was on a bus with Sierra. They were sharing Josie's iPod and listening to this obscure metalcore band, The Jekyll-Hyde Complex, and laughing about how the main lead singer sounded like a dying cat. And then... there was nothing. Her memory was patchy after that point, just vague recollections of an auditorium, some slain teachers, a video... After remembering that it all clicked for Josie. Survival of the Fittest, the collar around her neck, the black daypack at her side with the white numbers.
This was Survival of the Fittest, a game that she never asked to compete it; a game that she couldn't escape from; a game that would ultimately take her life at one point or another. She had a better chance of walking on water than winning this God forsaken game!
With another groan, Josie brushed her long red hair off her shoulder and glanced around. She appeared to be at the bottom of a steep hill, alone apart from the seagulls that flew around at the top of the hill. She could hear the sound of the sea... What was at the top of that hill? Josie decided, with nothing better to do, to go survey her surroundings at the top of the hill. Gathering her bags, she stood up and walked a short distance until something caught her eye. It was a person, a small person, with very familiar clothing... With her mind still frazzled from the sedation, Josie didn't immediately recognize her best friend. It took her a few moments to make out the sleeping body of Sierra, but once she did, Josie immediately ran to her side and began to shake her frantically.
She felt like the luckiest girl in all of SOTF. What were the chances that Josie and Sierra ended up in close proximity to each other? Perhaps it was because they were sitting next to each other on the bus? Josie wasn't sure, but she refrained from screeching in pure happiness. ...Not that Josie ever did anything of the sort. But sitting here in this terrible place with her best friend at her side, safe and unharmed, was really something to cheer about.
"Sierra? Sierra... Sierra, you need to get up."
As Sierra awoke and sat up, fresh tears sprung to her eyes at the sight of her friend. It was obvious that Sierra was very upset at what was happening. She was trembling all over and at a loss for words. Josie was at a loss too. She wasn't sure what to do or what to say. Should she force Sierra to stand and get them moving? Or should she comfort Sierra? Bringing her best friend closer to her own body, Josie ran a hand through her light hair, and with her other hand, brushed a stray tear away from her eyes. "Sierra, we can do this. Do you hear me? We're together, and that's all that matters." There was a silence that was broken only by the cawing of a seagull. Josie began again. "Let's... Let's make a promise. Okay?" She wasn't sure why but the idea of a promise seemed comforting to Josie. It was something that connected the two of them together. Sure, Josie and Sierra were already connected through friendship, but Survival of the Fittest could break friendships. Just like that video that was shown to them back in the auditorium, relationships could change with a mere blink of the eye.
"Let's promise that... no matter what... we won't die alone. Alright?" Josie's lip quivered for a moment, and she sniffed loudly to cover up any of the emotion that might have been dripping out of her eyes or nose. "Be-because... Okay, it sounds cheesy, but I w-wouldn't be able to go on without you, Sierra! I couldn't! So... Do you promise?" Josie held out her pinky to Sierra, and wordlessly, Sierra linked her pinky with Josie's. Josie smiled at the solidification of the promise, but another thought surfaced in her mind. They could always be together forever without having to play this wicked game...
"Or... We don't even have to play. No one's forcing us to participate in this, you know." Josie watched Sierra for a moment and waited for the idea to sink in. She had never really thought about suicide before this, but... It was the only forseeable way to leave this competition with her best friend. If she kept going, they would eventually have to be split up at one point or another. It brought hot tears to her eyes to think about leaving Sierra forever... But what if suicide solved that problem?
Sierra looked up at Josie and silently communicated that she understood. "Alright.." she whispered to Josie, her eyes downcast.
Without saying anything, Josie unzipped her daypack and searched inside for some sort of weapon or anything that could quickly usher them out of this competition; preferably a gun. Unfortunately, she found not a gun, but a slick card that explained the details of Mr. Danya's birthday party... What the fuck. Seriously? Unless Sierra and Josie planned on paper-cutting themselves to death with this, it was utterly useless. Returning the card to the bag, (she refused to throw it away; it could come in handy... somehow) Josie found another folded up piece of paper and realized that it was a map of the island that they were on. Unfolding the map, she examined it for a few minutes wordlessly. Josie was never great at geography, but by her surroundings alone, she assumed that they were by the sea. And, if they were where she thought they were, then beyond this hill was a cliff. Perhaps the Northern Cliffs? It was too vague to tell, but Josie could definitely hear the waves crashing and the cry of the seagulls... There was a definite possibility for a cliff. And a cliff was a hell of a lot better way to go than a god damn birthday invite.
"Let's see what's on top of this hill," Josie told Sierra, plucking up both of their daypacks and throwing them onto her shoulder. With a map in her left hand, she used her right hand to grab Sierra and pull her into a standing position. "Come on."
It took a few minutes for the two girls to climb the hill and arrive at the top. And as Josie had surmised, there was indeed a cliff before them. The vivid blue ocean glittered wondrously beneath the light blue sky, and if the two girls weren't standing here and contemplating suicide, it would have seemed very picturesque for Josie. But alas, here she was, staring ahead with a fresh sheen of tears in her eyes. Nothing in her life had ever seemed so serious, so morbid, so terrifying... She just wanted Sierra to give Josie a gap-toothed smile and yell, 'Juth Kidding!' But no... Josie wasn't that lucky. It was time to face reality.
"Are you sure you... wanna do this?"
She was on a bus with Sierra. They were sharing Josie's iPod and listening to this obscure metalcore band, The Jekyll-Hyde Complex, and laughing about how the main lead singer sounded like a dying cat. And then... there was nothing. Her memory was patchy after that point, just vague recollections of an auditorium, some slain teachers, a video... After remembering that it all clicked for Josie. Survival of the Fittest, the collar around her neck, the black daypack at her side with the white numbers.
This was Survival of the Fittest, a game that she never asked to compete it; a game that she couldn't escape from; a game that would ultimately take her life at one point or another. She had a better chance of walking on water than winning this God forsaken game!
With another groan, Josie brushed her long red hair off her shoulder and glanced around. She appeared to be at the bottom of a steep hill, alone apart from the seagulls that flew around at the top of the hill. She could hear the sound of the sea... What was at the top of that hill? Josie decided, with nothing better to do, to go survey her surroundings at the top of the hill. Gathering her bags, she stood up and walked a short distance until something caught her eye. It was a person, a small person, with very familiar clothing... With her mind still frazzled from the sedation, Josie didn't immediately recognize her best friend. It took her a few moments to make out the sleeping body of Sierra, but once she did, Josie immediately ran to her side and began to shake her frantically.
She felt like the luckiest girl in all of SOTF. What were the chances that Josie and Sierra ended up in close proximity to each other? Perhaps it was because they were sitting next to each other on the bus? Josie wasn't sure, but she refrained from screeching in pure happiness. ...Not that Josie ever did anything of the sort. But sitting here in this terrible place with her best friend at her side, safe and unharmed, was really something to cheer about.
"Sierra? Sierra... Sierra, you need to get up."
As Sierra awoke and sat up, fresh tears sprung to her eyes at the sight of her friend. It was obvious that Sierra was very upset at what was happening. She was trembling all over and at a loss for words. Josie was at a loss too. She wasn't sure what to do or what to say. Should she force Sierra to stand and get them moving? Or should she comfort Sierra? Bringing her best friend closer to her own body, Josie ran a hand through her light hair, and with her other hand, brushed a stray tear away from her eyes. "Sierra, we can do this. Do you hear me? We're together, and that's all that matters." There was a silence that was broken only by the cawing of a seagull. Josie began again. "Let's... Let's make a promise. Okay?" She wasn't sure why but the idea of a promise seemed comforting to Josie. It was something that connected the two of them together. Sure, Josie and Sierra were already connected through friendship, but Survival of the Fittest could break friendships. Just like that video that was shown to them back in the auditorium, relationships could change with a mere blink of the eye.
"Let's promise that... no matter what... we won't die alone. Alright?" Josie's lip quivered for a moment, and she sniffed loudly to cover up any of the emotion that might have been dripping out of her eyes or nose. "Be-because... Okay, it sounds cheesy, but I w-wouldn't be able to go on without you, Sierra! I couldn't! So... Do you promise?" Josie held out her pinky to Sierra, and wordlessly, Sierra linked her pinky with Josie's. Josie smiled at the solidification of the promise, but another thought surfaced in her mind. They could always be together forever without having to play this wicked game...
"Or... We don't even have to play. No one's forcing us to participate in this, you know." Josie watched Sierra for a moment and waited for the idea to sink in. She had never really thought about suicide before this, but... It was the only forseeable way to leave this competition with her best friend. If she kept going, they would eventually have to be split up at one point or another. It brought hot tears to her eyes to think about leaving Sierra forever... But what if suicide solved that problem?
Sierra looked up at Josie and silently communicated that she understood. "Alright.." she whispered to Josie, her eyes downcast.
Without saying anything, Josie unzipped her daypack and searched inside for some sort of weapon or anything that could quickly usher them out of this competition; preferably a gun. Unfortunately, she found not a gun, but a slick card that explained the details of Mr. Danya's birthday party... What the fuck. Seriously? Unless Sierra and Josie planned on paper-cutting themselves to death with this, it was utterly useless. Returning the card to the bag, (she refused to throw it away; it could come in handy... somehow) Josie found another folded up piece of paper and realized that it was a map of the island that they were on. Unfolding the map, she examined it for a few minutes wordlessly. Josie was never great at geography, but by her surroundings alone, she assumed that they were by the sea. And, if they were where she thought they were, then beyond this hill was a cliff. Perhaps the Northern Cliffs? It was too vague to tell, but Josie could definitely hear the waves crashing and the cry of the seagulls... There was a definite possibility for a cliff. And a cliff was a hell of a lot better way to go than a god damn birthday invite.
"Let's see what's on top of this hill," Josie told Sierra, plucking up both of their daypacks and throwing them onto her shoulder. With a map in her left hand, she used her right hand to grab Sierra and pull her into a standing position. "Come on."
It took a few minutes for the two girls to climb the hill and arrive at the top. And as Josie had surmised, there was indeed a cliff before them. The vivid blue ocean glittered wondrously beneath the light blue sky, and if the two girls weren't standing here and contemplating suicide, it would have seemed very picturesque for Josie. But alas, here she was, staring ahead with a fresh sheen of tears in her eyes. Nothing in her life had ever seemed so serious, so morbid, so terrifying... She just wanted Sierra to give Josie a gap-toothed smile and yell, 'Juth Kidding!' But no... Josie wasn't that lucky. It was time to face reality.
"Are you sure you... wanna do this?"
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Staring at the rocks below did little to subdue the growing uneasiness that had taken hold of Sierra. Her stomach refused to cease its somersaulting and her head raced with memories from her past. They say that before you die, your life flashes before your eyes. Sierra could see why now. Everything that she had ever done was suddenly so important, now. The people she met and the relationships she cultivated over her eighteen years, would they miss her if she was gone? Her mind, as if acting on it's on accord, instantly went to her Mom. Her chest tightened and her mouth went dry. She bit her lip in an attempt to fight the oncoming torrent of tears, but she knew she couldn't stop them once the world around her turned to a blur.
She'd never see her again. It didn't matter if she decided to jump or not, some loony-toon with a gun would fill her full of bullets or maybe she'd get tortured or worse. It was inevitable, she couldn't win—there was no way. But she did have a choice. She had to be the adult that she desired so much to be, she had to be mature and save other people's feelings rather than worrying about her own. All her life, she had let her emotions get the best of her. She was the girl who cried at the drop of a hat, the one who relied on everyone else to take care of her. Now she could do the same for Mom and Bubba and Omar and spare them the grief of watching her die horribly.
"Yeah...I'm thure,"
It was supposed to sound strong, but the desperation lacing her voice was hard to cover.
The wind's frozen touch whipped at her face, creating an uncomfortable symphony between the still wet tears on her face and the burning of her cheeks. Lingering thoughts of Omar pricked at her, telling her – warning that that maybe, just maybe this wasn't the best idea. He'd be hurt and she'd be the cause of it, but...
Every breath introduced ice into her lungs, sending chills of pain to the rest of her body. Josie's arm wrapped around her shoulder's and pulled her close. Close enough that she could feel the palpating of Josie's heart against her arm and feel her quick breathing on the top of her head. "Turn around, Sierra," Josie had said, but her voice was lost in the howling of the wind.
But... there's only one winner.
Salty mist from the violent waves below stabbed at every inch of exposed skin, causing the back of Sierra's neck to go numb from the cold. The wind was ripping at them relentlessly, pushing at their backs with all its might. A dull ache of regret and loss erupted within her once Josie removed her arm, extending a trembling hand in exchange. Sierra took interlocked her fingers with Josie's and clenched her eyes shut, letting the tears prickling at the corners of her eyes run free. Her whole body shook with the wind and her face twisted with anguish.
Sierra's whispered good-bye was dissolved by the unyielding wind.
Her hopes, her dreams, and the future she worried about relentlessly remained planted in the spot that she had previously occupied. Survival of the Fittest made her nothing but another casualty of war, not concerned with who it uprooted. It didn't care that she had a family she loved, nor for the budding relationship that had been cut short. And it'd continue to crush lives and families until only the last survivor of the Bayview graduating class was left, then it'd move on. Just like that.
In the time it took between the uncomfortable weightlessness to engulf her and the sickening thud of her body smashing against the rock, Sierra realized that she made a mistake. Living is what would hurt the people she loves the least. But, as Josie's hand slipped out of her own, Sierra desperately wished she could reverse time and do it all over again—she'd make the right choice. But, as a spray of Josie's blood and gore coated the left half of her body, Sierra knew full well it was too late.
***
---
***
"Are you... sure you wanna do this?"
Sierra nodded her head in the affirmative, though the curious feeling of dread in her abdomen didn't seem to agree. Diana Manning leaned against the doorpost, her arms crossed against her chest and her brow furrowed softly. A gap-toothed grin curled across Sierra's face as she messily shoved a couple of folder into her bright pink Jansport. Five, four, three, two, one...
"You kidding me? I'm giving a twelve year old a one-day only opportunity to skip school and she's not taking it?" Sierra had to suppress her grin, lest her mother call her out. Once again, she shook her head—though this time in the negative, "You sure? You can help Bubba and I unpack, it'll be really fun,"
Sierra sighed softly to herself and stood up, shouldering the backpack and eyeing her mom. Yeah, she knew parents worried and stuff, but she was fine now. Really. And, to be quite honest, she was actually kind of looking forward to her first day of high school. New school, new Sierra. She didn't need to be, like, a little kid or anything anymore. She could be a mature adult.
"Yeeeeth, mom, I'm thure."Sierra said with a flourish, holding a pinky by her face to solidify her claim, "I promithe!
Diana removed herself from against the doorway and, with an exuberant clap, shuffled over to Sierra, "Whelp, get your stuff then, kiddo. Bayview here we come!"
***
---
***
Sierra's brow twitched, her forehead creasing as horrifying pictures flashed through her mind. Her heart raced a mile a minute and the hairs on the back of her neck stood at the ready. At first, only a small sputtering escaped her lips, but before time, she was full-blown bawling.
"I-I.. can't do it, Joze," She sobbed as Josie wrapped her arms around Sierra's neck, "I d-don't wa-ha-ha-aant to die!"
She'd never see her again. It didn't matter if she decided to jump or not, some loony-toon with a gun would fill her full of bullets or maybe she'd get tortured or worse. It was inevitable, she couldn't win—there was no way. But she did have a choice. She had to be the adult that she desired so much to be, she had to be mature and save other people's feelings rather than worrying about her own. All her life, she had let her emotions get the best of her. She was the girl who cried at the drop of a hat, the one who relied on everyone else to take care of her. Now she could do the same for Mom and Bubba and Omar and spare them the grief of watching her die horribly.
"Yeah...I'm thure,"
It was supposed to sound strong, but the desperation lacing her voice was hard to cover.
The wind's frozen touch whipped at her face, creating an uncomfortable symphony between the still wet tears on her face and the burning of her cheeks. Lingering thoughts of Omar pricked at her, telling her – warning that that maybe, just maybe this wasn't the best idea. He'd be hurt and she'd be the cause of it, but...
Every breath introduced ice into her lungs, sending chills of pain to the rest of her body. Josie's arm wrapped around her shoulder's and pulled her close. Close enough that she could feel the palpating of Josie's heart against her arm and feel her quick breathing on the top of her head. "Turn around, Sierra," Josie had said, but her voice was lost in the howling of the wind.
But... there's only one winner.
Salty mist from the violent waves below stabbed at every inch of exposed skin, causing the back of Sierra's neck to go numb from the cold. The wind was ripping at them relentlessly, pushing at their backs with all its might. A dull ache of regret and loss erupted within her once Josie removed her arm, extending a trembling hand in exchange. Sierra took interlocked her fingers with Josie's and clenched her eyes shut, letting the tears prickling at the corners of her eyes run free. Her whole body shook with the wind and her face twisted with anguish.
Sierra's whispered good-bye was dissolved by the unyielding wind.
Her hopes, her dreams, and the future she worried about relentlessly remained planted in the spot that she had previously occupied. Survival of the Fittest made her nothing but another casualty of war, not concerned with who it uprooted. It didn't care that she had a family she loved, nor for the budding relationship that had been cut short. And it'd continue to crush lives and families until only the last survivor of the Bayview graduating class was left, then it'd move on. Just like that.
In the time it took between the uncomfortable weightlessness to engulf her and the sickening thud of her body smashing against the rock, Sierra realized that she made a mistake. Living is what would hurt the people she loves the least. But, as Josie's hand slipped out of her own, Sierra desperately wished she could reverse time and do it all over again—she'd make the right choice. But, as a spray of Josie's blood and gore coated the left half of her body, Sierra knew full well it was too late.
***
---
***
"Are you... sure you wanna do this?"
Sierra nodded her head in the affirmative, though the curious feeling of dread in her abdomen didn't seem to agree. Diana Manning leaned against the doorpost, her arms crossed against her chest and her brow furrowed softly. A gap-toothed grin curled across Sierra's face as she messily shoved a couple of folder into her bright pink Jansport. Five, four, three, two, one...
"You kidding me? I'm giving a twelve year old a one-day only opportunity to skip school and she's not taking it?" Sierra had to suppress her grin, lest her mother call her out. Once again, she shook her head—though this time in the negative, "You sure? You can help Bubba and I unpack, it'll be really fun,"
Sierra sighed softly to herself and stood up, shouldering the backpack and eyeing her mom. Yeah, she knew parents worried and stuff, but she was fine now. Really. And, to be quite honest, she was actually kind of looking forward to her first day of high school. New school, new Sierra. She didn't need to be, like, a little kid or anything anymore. She could be a mature adult.
"Yeeeeth, mom, I'm thure."Sierra said with a flourish, holding a pinky by her face to solidify her claim, "I promithe!
Diana removed herself from against the doorway and, with an exuberant clap, shuffled over to Sierra, "Whelp, get your stuff then, kiddo. Bayview here we come!"
***
---
***
Sierra's brow twitched, her forehead creasing as horrifying pictures flashed through her mind. Her heart raced a mile a minute and the hairs on the back of her neck stood at the ready. At first, only a small sputtering escaped her lips, but before time, she was full-blown bawling.
"I-I.. can't do it, Joze," She sobbed as Josie wrapped her arms around Sierra's neck, "I d-don't wa-ha-ha-aant to die!"
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ZombiexCreame†
- Posts: 305
- Joined: Sat Sep 01, 2018 6:29 am
Josie's eyes were frozen on the view ahead of her. She didn't want to look over at Sierra or down at the rocky crags beneath her. That would just summon more tears to spring up in her eyes. She could not cry anymore. It just wasn't her style. Sniffing loudly and facing the wind which was strangely cold and biting, Josie tightened her fingers around Sierra's hand and grit her teeth. Should she start a countdown? Three, two, one, SPLAT. Both dead in a matter of seconds.
It was hard to deal with, honestly. What would it be like? Falling through the crisp air with her best friend, only to smash on the rocks below. Her bones would be reduced to dust, and her blood would flow into the ocean before them. Josie had never been forced to experience pain, so she was very nervous about this. This was hard! Suicide was something that she had never considered in life. She didn't even have time to contemplate life after death or write a suicide note. What if she went to Hell, while Sierra went to Heaven? Josie had no freakin' clue what to expect. And the more she thought about it, the more she didn't want to kill herself.
She felt so conflicted.
And when Sierra admitted that she couldn't do it, and she didn't want to die, a wave of relief passed over Josie that caused her to shutter and take a staggering step away from the cliff, pulling Sierra along with her She forced a weary smile and gave her friend a quick hug. "I don't think I can do it either." Josie pulled away and looked down at her daypack. She remembered her birthday invite. "I don't think I have a snowball's chance in hell of making it far in this game, but I don't want to go yet. I think if we stick together, we should be okay. Our classmates are scared just like us. We just need to keep our guard up."
Josie spread open her map and examined the island. Where should they go? The island was fairly large with a lot of places speckled throughout the area. There was bound to people everywhere, but... Maybe they should head somewhere that's a little less open than a cliff? They were sitting targets up here.
"Hey, Sierra." Josie turned to look at her. "Wh.. What did you get? As a weapon, I mean... I didn't get anything good, so let's hope you did."
It was hard to deal with, honestly. What would it be like? Falling through the crisp air with her best friend, only to smash on the rocks below. Her bones would be reduced to dust, and her blood would flow into the ocean before them. Josie had never been forced to experience pain, so she was very nervous about this. This was hard! Suicide was something that she had never considered in life. She didn't even have time to contemplate life after death or write a suicide note. What if she went to Hell, while Sierra went to Heaven? Josie had no freakin' clue what to expect. And the more she thought about it, the more she didn't want to kill herself.
She felt so conflicted.
And when Sierra admitted that she couldn't do it, and she didn't want to die, a wave of relief passed over Josie that caused her to shutter and take a staggering step away from the cliff, pulling Sierra along with her She forced a weary smile and gave her friend a quick hug. "I don't think I can do it either." Josie pulled away and looked down at her daypack. She remembered her birthday invite. "I don't think I have a snowball's chance in hell of making it far in this game, but I don't want to go yet. I think if we stick together, we should be okay. Our classmates are scared just like us. We just need to keep our guard up."
Josie spread open her map and examined the island. Where should they go? The island was fairly large with a lot of places speckled throughout the area. There was bound to people everywhere, but... Maybe they should head somewhere that's a little less open than a cliff? They were sitting targets up here.
"Hey, Sierra." Josie turned to look at her. "Wh.. What did you get? As a weapon, I mean... I didn't get anything good, so let's hope you did."
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The wind didn't seem as frigid, the soft crying of the seagulls less intense. But, even as Josie reassuringly wrapped her arms around her and lead her away from the edge, Sierra couldn't drive out the silent doubts swimming around her head. What if it was a kiss of death, trading in this death for more gruesome and painful ones down the line? Every minute was a war fought with the reaper, fighting just to survive one more precious minute.
Nothing made sense. She wanted to live, but she wanted to die. She wanted to see Omar, to hug him and feel safe, but it'd be just another person she had to say goodbye to—another person she had to lose. Her mind felt like a warzone, ideas and thoughts and hopes and fears flying every which way, all completely out of her reach. A dull throb formed in the back of her head, spikes of pain tearing through the rest of her head with every beat of her heart. It was hopeless. They condemned themselves the minute they stepped on that bus, they were already dead.
No hope.
Sierra stared at the daypacks lying inconspicuously on the dew-y grass where Josie had left them earlier, one marked 'G007' and the other 'G060'. She already knew which one was hers, as 'G060' had visibly been rummaged through and hastily half-zipped. The lump in her throat refused to be swallowed, her hands shaking violently as she crouched over the bag, silently trying to will whatever weapon inside into a coupon for a free ride home or something. No hope. Her small hands pushed past the myriad of survival items, morbidly curious as to what she was expected to protect herself with.
"It'th..."Sierra pulled out a cylindrical tube from the pack, her fingers rolling it around despairingly in her hands a few times before proceeding, "It'th pepper thpray or thomething..."
Sierra's fingers danced across the tube, as if trying to force it to feel right. It felt so... foreign, it wasn't like spraying hairspray or silly-string or anything like that, this was a weapon. She was expected to use it on her friends, to hurt them. The tightness in her chest constricted even more, achingly so. This was all too much, there was no way she could do it. She just wanted to go home.
"I have bad aim," Sierra said softly, half-heartedly tossing the pepper spray to Josie. She didn't know what else to say and she could tell Josie was trying so hard to keep some level of normalcy and make her feel better, but it wasn't working. She was useless. Omar was probably out there alone and scared and she wasn't able to do anything to help him. It was the opposite, honestly. She had just tried to abandon him, all because she couldn't be strong. So. Useless.
Sierra swallowed hard, once again trying to fight the onslaught of tears as she moved past her daypack and on to her personal duffel bag. She didn't hesitate to unzip it and tear past her articles of clothing, things she'd never need again. But she did need something; she needed the one thing that could give her the companionship that even Josie and Omar couldn't.
Skanky. New tears pricked at the corner of her eyes as the blanket came into view. She pulled it out wearily and wrapped it around her neck—like she always did at home. Home. Sierra inhaled deeply, letting herself—even just for that split second—forget all about SOTF and be buried in memories of the far-gone past. She silently prayed that she'd wake up on the couch, her Mom sitting next to her watching bad Lifetime movies. She'd rub Sierra's head and tell her everything was fine. Or at least give her just one last hug, one last time to tell her Mom how much she loved her. Just one more chance to make it really matter.
Please.
She just wanted her Mommy.
Please.
Nothing made sense. She wanted to live, but she wanted to die. She wanted to see Omar, to hug him and feel safe, but it'd be just another person she had to say goodbye to—another person she had to lose. Her mind felt like a warzone, ideas and thoughts and hopes and fears flying every which way, all completely out of her reach. A dull throb formed in the back of her head, spikes of pain tearing through the rest of her head with every beat of her heart. It was hopeless. They condemned themselves the minute they stepped on that bus, they were already dead.
No hope.
Sierra stared at the daypacks lying inconspicuously on the dew-y grass where Josie had left them earlier, one marked 'G007' and the other 'G060'. She already knew which one was hers, as 'G060' had visibly been rummaged through and hastily half-zipped. The lump in her throat refused to be swallowed, her hands shaking violently as she crouched over the bag, silently trying to will whatever weapon inside into a coupon for a free ride home or something. No hope. Her small hands pushed past the myriad of survival items, morbidly curious as to what she was expected to protect herself with.
"It'th..."Sierra pulled out a cylindrical tube from the pack, her fingers rolling it around despairingly in her hands a few times before proceeding, "It'th pepper thpray or thomething..."
Sierra's fingers danced across the tube, as if trying to force it to feel right. It felt so... foreign, it wasn't like spraying hairspray or silly-string or anything like that, this was a weapon. She was expected to use it on her friends, to hurt them. The tightness in her chest constricted even more, achingly so. This was all too much, there was no way she could do it. She just wanted to go home.
"I have bad aim," Sierra said softly, half-heartedly tossing the pepper spray to Josie. She didn't know what else to say and she could tell Josie was trying so hard to keep some level of normalcy and make her feel better, but it wasn't working. She was useless. Omar was probably out there alone and scared and she wasn't able to do anything to help him. It was the opposite, honestly. She had just tried to abandon him, all because she couldn't be strong. So. Useless.
Sierra swallowed hard, once again trying to fight the onslaught of tears as she moved past her daypack and on to her personal duffel bag. She didn't hesitate to unzip it and tear past her articles of clothing, things she'd never need again. But she did need something; she needed the one thing that could give her the companionship that even Josie and Omar couldn't.
Skanky. New tears pricked at the corner of her eyes as the blanket came into view. She pulled it out wearily and wrapped it around her neck—like she always did at home. Home. Sierra inhaled deeply, letting herself—even just for that split second—forget all about SOTF and be buried in memories of the far-gone past. She silently prayed that she'd wake up on the couch, her Mom sitting next to her watching bad Lifetime movies. She'd rub Sierra's head and tell her everything was fine. Or at least give her just one last hug, one last time to tell her Mom how much she loved her. Just one more chance to make it really matter.
Please.
She just wanted her Mommy.
Please.
-
ZombiexCreame†
- Posts: 305
- Joined: Sat Sep 01, 2018 6:29 am
Josie watched for a moment while Sierra dug through her things in search of her weapon. She lowered her emerald eyes onto the map that remained stretched out before her and placed her fingers onto the crisp paper. An entire island... An entire island full of liars, sadists, killers, and psychos. Josie let her fingers trail along the edge of the island, tracing paths that she imagined the pair taking. She was barely paying attention to Sierra as her mind wandered.
Wandering was a simple turn. In fact, it was really puking up whatever things that it could, and Josie was left to deal with them. Memories kept popping up in her head like blooming flowers. Songs that she remembered hearing, people that she remembered talking to, regrets. Oh, lord. Regrets.
Why was I such a boring person?
An entire island full of the lost, the sobbing, the confused, the innocent. But nothing was so black and white. There wasn't good and bad here. There were just varying shades of bad. Sure, she dressed like she was full of personality! She dressed like she was vivacious and interesting and colorful! But underneath all that hair-dye and doll makeup, Josie was nothing without Sierra. She could barely bring herself to talk to other people. She had very few allies. What a waste of seventeen years. She didn't do anything! Listened to a few CDs, painted her nails a few thousand times, ignored people, laughed with Sierra... And this was why Josie was alone, while Sierra had Omar.
The Kubler-Ross model. Josie remembered learning that in psychology. Lord knows why she was remembering it now, but she was. She made flashcards for it, and flipped them in front of her eyes, begging for the information to leap into her head. She was terrible at memorization. And then after one week, KA-CHING: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance.
Could you go through the five stages of grief for your own life? When you aren't even dead? And if so... "What stage am I on?" Josie asked out loud, neatly folding up the map into a small square. She didn't even realized she had said it, so wrapped up in her thoughts. Sierra was examining her little canister of pepper spray.
Pepper spray and a birthday invite. It was so funny Josie almost wanted to laugh. Maybe she already bypassed denial, anger, and bargaining? She sure as hell couldn't bargain with anyone. Who? God? Danya? She was done with being angry. Denial was a joke. So maybe depression... But Josie didn't feel depressed. So maybe she was in denial? Or maybe she bypassed Go and went straight to acceptance!
"Guns aren't lawful
Nooses give
Gas smells awful
You might as well live."
It was part of a poem she remembered reading about in ninth grade. And, for some reason, it resurfaced in her head with all the other puked up thoughts of grief and past memories. It reminded her of how close she was to suicide, but how far as well... Or maybe that poem WASN'T so similar to her situation after all! Sure, gas smelled awful now, and perhaps you could avoid it to some extent... But what about LATER? Someone could burn her to death later, and there wasn't anything she could do about it. But alright, sure. You might as well live because you might die tomorrow. And if Josie hadn't figured it out already, she had avoided suicide, most likely never to re-attempt it. Those feelings that she felt, and that fear that welled up inside her was too intense to ever experience again.
Clunk. The can of pepper spray rolled and hit Josie on the head with a small sound. Josie was jarred out of her thoughts and stared down at the foreign object with dinner-plate eyes. What? Oh, it was just Sierra's pepper spray. "No, Sierra, you should keep it." Josie picked it up and held it out to her. "My aim is no better... Besides, I have a..birthday invite." Josie's voice cracked on the word 'birthday.' She would never see another birthday again. SURPRISE! She gave Sierra a crooked smile as she leaned over and grabbed the card from her bag. "See? I'm personally invited!"
But Josie's little bad joke about Danya's birthday didn't make Sierra feel any better. In fact, she looked like she was about to cry. She was holding her old blanket around her neck and breathing its familiar scent. No doubt it smelled like home... Even Josie could recall the warming scent of Sierra's house. And, of course, what she would give to be there rather than here. But what the hell could she do? "Yep. I'm definitely in acceptance." "Sierra, come on. We can, uh, go.. down the hill, and... Maybe we could find people?" There was a silence. Josie was shitty at comforting people. "Put that old thing up, and let's go! Um..."
She mentally writhed around desperately for something to say. There were invisible hands in her head, flailing around for something to do or say. She could imagine these hands with their cartoon voices. "Josie needs something to say! Something to say!" What else comforted Sierra? Josie surely couldn't... And then it popped into her head. Josie didn't want to admit it, but Sierra would probably feel better with... Omar... at her side. Damn Omar! There was nothing wrong with Omar, in fact, Josie liked him to some degree. He just came between Josie and Sierra, and Josie wasn't used to that. But now was no time to be jealous. It would be a good idea to find Omar. He would stick with them. Maybe if he got a decent weapon, he could protect them. With a sigh, Josie looked over at Sierra and folded her arms. "You... want to go see if we can find Omar anywhere..? I'm sure he's already looking for you, but..." Her voice trailed off, her green eyes staring at the breath-taking scenery behind Sierra. Beasts loose in paradise.
Wandering was a simple turn. In fact, it was really puking up whatever things that it could, and Josie was left to deal with them. Memories kept popping up in her head like blooming flowers. Songs that she remembered hearing, people that she remembered talking to, regrets. Oh, lord. Regrets.
Why was I such a boring person?
An entire island full of the lost, the sobbing, the confused, the innocent. But nothing was so black and white. There wasn't good and bad here. There were just varying shades of bad. Sure, she dressed like she was full of personality! She dressed like she was vivacious and interesting and colorful! But underneath all that hair-dye and doll makeup, Josie was nothing without Sierra. She could barely bring herself to talk to other people. She had very few allies. What a waste of seventeen years. She didn't do anything! Listened to a few CDs, painted her nails a few thousand times, ignored people, laughed with Sierra... And this was why Josie was alone, while Sierra had Omar.
The Kubler-Ross model. Josie remembered learning that in psychology. Lord knows why she was remembering it now, but she was. She made flashcards for it, and flipped them in front of her eyes, begging for the information to leap into her head. She was terrible at memorization. And then after one week, KA-CHING: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance.
Could you go through the five stages of grief for your own life? When you aren't even dead? And if so... "What stage am I on?" Josie asked out loud, neatly folding up the map into a small square. She didn't even realized she had said it, so wrapped up in her thoughts. Sierra was examining her little canister of pepper spray.
Pepper spray and a birthday invite. It was so funny Josie almost wanted to laugh. Maybe she already bypassed denial, anger, and bargaining? She sure as hell couldn't bargain with anyone. Who? God? Danya? She was done with being angry. Denial was a joke. So maybe depression... But Josie didn't feel depressed. So maybe she was in denial? Or maybe she bypassed Go and went straight to acceptance!
"Guns aren't lawful
Nooses give
Gas smells awful
You might as well live."
It was part of a poem she remembered reading about in ninth grade. And, for some reason, it resurfaced in her head with all the other puked up thoughts of grief and past memories. It reminded her of how close she was to suicide, but how far as well... Or maybe that poem WASN'T so similar to her situation after all! Sure, gas smelled awful now, and perhaps you could avoid it to some extent... But what about LATER? Someone could burn her to death later, and there wasn't anything she could do about it. But alright, sure. You might as well live because you might die tomorrow. And if Josie hadn't figured it out already, she had avoided suicide, most likely never to re-attempt it. Those feelings that she felt, and that fear that welled up inside her was too intense to ever experience again.
Clunk. The can of pepper spray rolled and hit Josie on the head with a small sound. Josie was jarred out of her thoughts and stared down at the foreign object with dinner-plate eyes. What? Oh, it was just Sierra's pepper spray. "No, Sierra, you should keep it." Josie picked it up and held it out to her. "My aim is no better... Besides, I have a..birthday invite." Josie's voice cracked on the word 'birthday.' She would never see another birthday again. SURPRISE! She gave Sierra a crooked smile as she leaned over and grabbed the card from her bag. "See? I'm personally invited!"
But Josie's little bad joke about Danya's birthday didn't make Sierra feel any better. In fact, she looked like she was about to cry. She was holding her old blanket around her neck and breathing its familiar scent. No doubt it smelled like home... Even Josie could recall the warming scent of Sierra's house. And, of course, what she would give to be there rather than here. But what the hell could she do? "Yep. I'm definitely in acceptance." "Sierra, come on. We can, uh, go.. down the hill, and... Maybe we could find people?" There was a silence. Josie was shitty at comforting people. "Put that old thing up, and let's go! Um..."
She mentally writhed around desperately for something to say. There were invisible hands in her head, flailing around for something to do or say. She could imagine these hands with their cartoon voices. "Josie needs something to say! Something to say!" What else comforted Sierra? Josie surely couldn't... And then it popped into her head. Josie didn't want to admit it, but Sierra would probably feel better with... Omar... at her side. Damn Omar! There was nothing wrong with Omar, in fact, Josie liked him to some degree. He just came between Josie and Sierra, and Josie wasn't used to that. But now was no time to be jealous. It would be a good idea to find Omar. He would stick with them. Maybe if he got a decent weapon, he could protect them. With a sigh, Josie looked over at Sierra and folded her arms. "You... want to go see if we can find Omar anywhere..? I'm sure he's already looking for you, but..." Her voice trailed off, her green eyes staring at the breath-taking scenery behind Sierra. Beasts loose in paradise.
This is an archival account used by staff to port posts belonging to the handler ZombiexCreame. While this handler hasn't been around in quite a while, should they return and wish to take custody of this account and/or its posts, they are welcome to do so by contacting staff.
Was it completely disgusting that she didn't want the pepper spray back; that she unintentionally made Josie shoulder all the responsibility without a second thought? ...Was is unintentional? Or was there a part of her deep down that knew Josie would fight with everything in her to protect Sierra's well being? Did she do that so she didn't have to come out of her own little dream world, where Survival of the Fittest wasn't real and she was at home in her warm bed? She liked to believe that she was better than that, but... who knew? Maybe she was a bad person. Were there bad people? Or were they just misunderstood? Was she misunderstood? Or was she just a crap excuse for a human being, nothing to misunderstand.
"Thankth," Came the barely audible response as Sierra stood up and retrieved the pepper spray, letting it linger in her hand for a moment before shoving it into her jacket pocket. It felt heavy in her pocket, her fears and hopes all resting in the miniscule tube. Accepting it from Josie was a step; a big one. It was forced her to acknowledge that she was given a weapon—something that could hurt another human being. But it also gave her a chance to be brave, to prove to herself that she wasn't as useless as she thought she was. Or maybe the opposite. She wouldn't let Josie carry all the responsibility, though. Not anymore. And besides, she couldn't exactly do much with a birthday card.
Sierra pulled tightly at Skanky-Blanky, wrapping it even closer around her neck—like comforting arms. Her chest mimicked the action and tightly squeezed at her heart. She probably should have been lamenting the fact that she'd never have a birthday again, but that wasn't what got to her. Birthday's only meant having to grow up, anyway. At least she wouldn't have to grow up, now.
The dissipated lump in her throat began to flare up once again.
Bubba was what was tearing at her heart, tugging on it relentlessly as it tried to force tears to the surface. Bubba wasn't as young as she liked to think. And when Sierra was... gone, Bubba was all that her Mom had left. She tried not to think about Bubba passing on back home, but on an island where death was a stone's throw away, things had a way of sneaking in. She'd die and then Bubba'd die and Mom would be all alone. And she couldn't do anything about it. She wouldn't make it. She'd never see her Mom again and there was nothing she could do to change that, she was going to die. People she loved would be with her when her time came though, Josie and...
Omar.
Josie had said the words that were already dancing on the tip of Sierra's tongue. They could find Omar and they'd all be together again for one last time. He was afraid of the dark, even more so then she was. She couldn't imagine how scared he was, or how lonely he must've felt.
"C... can we jutht find a houthe or thomething after we f-find him and thtay together u-un..."
She couldn't finish the thought before her soft sobbing drowned it out.
"Thankth," Came the barely audible response as Sierra stood up and retrieved the pepper spray, letting it linger in her hand for a moment before shoving it into her jacket pocket. It felt heavy in her pocket, her fears and hopes all resting in the miniscule tube. Accepting it from Josie was a step; a big one. It was forced her to acknowledge that she was given a weapon—something that could hurt another human being. But it also gave her a chance to be brave, to prove to herself that she wasn't as useless as she thought she was. Or maybe the opposite. She wouldn't let Josie carry all the responsibility, though. Not anymore. And besides, she couldn't exactly do much with a birthday card.
Sierra pulled tightly at Skanky-Blanky, wrapping it even closer around her neck—like comforting arms. Her chest mimicked the action and tightly squeezed at her heart. She probably should have been lamenting the fact that she'd never have a birthday again, but that wasn't what got to her. Birthday's only meant having to grow up, anyway. At least she wouldn't have to grow up, now.
The dissipated lump in her throat began to flare up once again.
Bubba was what was tearing at her heart, tugging on it relentlessly as it tried to force tears to the surface. Bubba wasn't as young as she liked to think. And when Sierra was... gone, Bubba was all that her Mom had left. She tried not to think about Bubba passing on back home, but on an island where death was a stone's throw away, things had a way of sneaking in. She'd die and then Bubba'd die and Mom would be all alone. And she couldn't do anything about it. She wouldn't make it. She'd never see her Mom again and there was nothing she could do to change that, she was going to die. People she loved would be with her when her time came though, Josie and...
Omar.
Josie had said the words that were already dancing on the tip of Sierra's tongue. They could find Omar and they'd all be together again for one last time. He was afraid of the dark, even more so then she was. She couldn't imagine how scared he was, or how lonely he must've felt.
"C... can we jutht find a houthe or thomething after we f-find him and thtay together u-un..."
She couldn't finish the thought before her soft sobbing drowned it out.
-
ZombiexCreame†
- Posts: 305
- Joined: Sat Sep 01, 2018 6:29 am
Josie smiled when Sierra re-accepted her tube of pepper spray and pocketed it. "I definitely think you should keep it with you. If we get separated or something, you might need it." There was a brief pause as Josie thought over what she had just said. If the two of them got separated, Sierra would be armed, while Josie would... not be. Once again, the comical thought of Josie slicing open someone's neck with a card surfaced in her mind. She giggled to herself, but when she caught herself doing such a thing, she masked it with a cough and one of her 'famous' jokes.
"But don't worry, my dear Sierra. If we get separated, I'll be perfectly fine. Sure, this mere card won't do much for me, but..." She smiled a bit wider and made quite a show of rolling down the sleeves of her shirt. "I have the Gun Show at my disposal. Hah!" Josie clenched the muscles in her arms and a tiny, tiny bump popped up on each arm: her guns. "The last thing that will go through anyone's mind will be my fists of pure STEEL!"
Josie didn't pride herself on her sense of humor or anything, but it was a bit of a defense mechanism for her. She was hoping it would make Sierra laugh or cheer up a bit. And, to be perfectly honest, her little display of 'strength' did make her feel more confident. She could never really imagine punching anyone and actually dealing some legit damage, but one could dream, couldn't they? ...Or maybe she was just delusional.
Josie nodded at Sierra and shouldered her bag when she asked about finding a house after they located Omar. "Yeah, sure. It would probably be a good idea to hole up somewhere and think of a plan... I'm sure Omar could think of something," she assured her friend. "I'll bet Omar has some really badass weapon! You have your pepper spray, I have my muscles, and Omar will have, like, a tank or something. We'll be unstoppable," Josie explained, more humor leaking into her voice. She felt sort of ashamed at herself, really. Here Sierra was, crying her eyes out, and Josie couldn't even stop and tell herself to quit making lame jokes. It probably wasn't even making Sierra feel better.
"Okay. I need to be serious Josie for a bit." Taking a deep breath, Josie threw her arm around her best friend's shoulder and pointed down the hill. "Let's head down there and start looking for Omar. And..." She paused as she felt her gag reflex trigger. It was a sure sign that the next thing she was planning to say was definitely going to be cheesy. "...we're in this together, alright? Let's go." With a smile, Josie turned around and walked down the hill, her very best friend in tow.
((Josie Vernon continued in It's hard to walk tall when you're small))
"But don't worry, my dear Sierra. If we get separated, I'll be perfectly fine. Sure, this mere card won't do much for me, but..." She smiled a bit wider and made quite a show of rolling down the sleeves of her shirt. "I have the Gun Show at my disposal. Hah!" Josie clenched the muscles in her arms and a tiny, tiny bump popped up on each arm: her guns. "The last thing that will go through anyone's mind will be my fists of pure STEEL!"
Josie didn't pride herself on her sense of humor or anything, but it was a bit of a defense mechanism for her. She was hoping it would make Sierra laugh or cheer up a bit. And, to be perfectly honest, her little display of 'strength' did make her feel more confident. She could never really imagine punching anyone and actually dealing some legit damage, but one could dream, couldn't they? ...Or maybe she was just delusional.
Josie nodded at Sierra and shouldered her bag when she asked about finding a house after they located Omar. "Yeah, sure. It would probably be a good idea to hole up somewhere and think of a plan... I'm sure Omar could think of something," she assured her friend. "I'll bet Omar has some really badass weapon! You have your pepper spray, I have my muscles, and Omar will have, like, a tank or something. We'll be unstoppable," Josie explained, more humor leaking into her voice. She felt sort of ashamed at herself, really. Here Sierra was, crying her eyes out, and Josie couldn't even stop and tell herself to quit making lame jokes. It probably wasn't even making Sierra feel better.
"Okay. I need to be serious Josie for a bit." Taking a deep breath, Josie threw her arm around her best friend's shoulder and pointed down the hill. "Let's head down there and start looking for Omar. And..." She paused as she felt her gag reflex trigger. It was a sure sign that the next thing she was planning to say was definitely going to be cheesy. "...we're in this together, alright? Let's go." With a smile, Josie turned around and walked down the hill, her very best friend in tow.
((Josie Vernon continued in It's hard to walk tall when you're small))
This is an archival account used by staff to port posts belonging to the handler ZombiexCreame. While this handler hasn't been around in quite a while, should they return and wish to take custody of this account and/or its posts, they are welcome to do so by contacting staff.
The bitter cold of the morning wind had lost most, if not all, of its former oomph as the sun lazily drifted higher in the sky. It was beyond pretty and the warmth was a welcomed relief for her frozen nose and in a different life she probably would've been able to appreciate it for what it was—but, more than anything, it frightened her more. What if that was the last sunrise she'd ever see? What if this was the last time she'd ever see Josie, the last time she'd ever talk to her? It didn't help that she was hardly able to talk to her without wanting to bawl, she wasn't strong enough to look her friend in the eye and still have hope for the future. Not when the only thing you picture is your closest friend dying and leaving you alone.
She didn't want to be alone.
Sierra smiled half-heartedly at Josie, though she was sure it looked as forced as it was. More than anything, she wanted to be able to joke around with her and laugh and just be them again, but it was hard for her to hide her emotions. Especially when she was feeling as helpless and useless as she did at that moment, she couldn't. Josie could tell, too. It was always so weird to see her being serious, but it never failed to surprise Sierra how mature her friend could be—but the situation kind of called for it, huh? Especially when someone she cared about greatly was still out there, probably alone and scared out of his mind.
That's how Sierra knew she was a weak person. She wasn't actually alone and she still couldn't be brave. Omar was out there by himself, hopefully still alive. And she knew for a fact that he was holding himself together, he was just that kind of guy. He was brave and so compassionate and he always made her feel like a princess, even when she didn't deserve it. She didn't. He deserved the world, not some blob of puddy like her, he deserved so much more than her and it killed her that he wouldn't ever get to experience that.
At least she'd die knowing someone cared though, right?
[[Sierra Manning continued in It's hard to walk tall when you're small]]
She didn't want to be alone.
Sierra smiled half-heartedly at Josie, though she was sure it looked as forced as it was. More than anything, she wanted to be able to joke around with her and laugh and just be them again, but it was hard for her to hide her emotions. Especially when she was feeling as helpless and useless as she did at that moment, she couldn't. Josie could tell, too. It was always so weird to see her being serious, but it never failed to surprise Sierra how mature her friend could be—but the situation kind of called for it, huh? Especially when someone she cared about greatly was still out there, probably alone and scared out of his mind.
That's how Sierra knew she was a weak person. She wasn't actually alone and she still couldn't be brave. Omar was out there by himself, hopefully still alive. And she knew for a fact that he was holding himself together, he was just that kind of guy. He was brave and so compassionate and he always made her feel like a princess, even when she didn't deserve it. She didn't. He deserved the world, not some blob of puddy like her, he deserved so much more than her and it killed her that he wouldn't ever get to experience that.
At least she'd die knowing someone cared though, right?
[[Sierra Manning continued in It's hard to walk tall when you're small]]