The Only Way Is Up

[Pigeon Army†]

((Maf Tuigamala continued from Flowerhead))

Maf was panting softly as they ascended the mountain. The rocks were all loose and the tramp had become more of a scramble, and it didn't help that Maf wasn't in the best physical condition for slogging up mountains. He was an offensive guard, not a linebacker or a marathon runner or whatever. He was built for short distances and king hits. Like that one on Bret. That kind of thing.

No. Maf shook his head. Dwelling on the past like that wouldn't do him any good now. He had to make sure his friends lived, he had to make sure Jennifer lived, he had to make sure he lived. Thinking about Bret wouldn't help.

Jason stopped next to a small, rocky ledge and held up his hand. Maf halted, chuckling to himself at how their leader was playing soldier. Jason had probably watched SWAT too many times or something. It was kind of funny to see the lithe white Australian making hand gestures and lurking around like he was on some sort of terrorist hunt.

The Australian edged to the top of the ledge, looking intently at what was beneath it. Maf began to hear what Jason doubtless heard when he stopped them. Voices. Not just any kind of voices, though, no - whiny, nasally voices. Voices making sales pitches and bitching about not being listened to. Maf raised his head slightly. They were actually being really loud. Stupid loud, given the situation. He didn't recognise any of the voices off-hand, but behind him, Nathan (their new second-in-command, bringing up the rear) hissed something about Jimmy Brennan, the little ginger kid with the big mouth. Maf nodded in accord; it certainly sounded like the angry midget, come to think of it.

Jason turned back to them and held out his hand - four. Four students. Maf nodded again. He seemed to be doing a lot of that on the island, he noted as he moved closer to Jason. He stopped again as he saw Jason move back towards the group, his feet swivelling on the loose pebbles right at the top of the ledge.

Maf watched in horror as they began to skitter down the slope, one by one.

Very.

Very.

Loudly.

Jason froze and spun around, his gun ready in his left. Jimmy Brennan squealed as he traced the pebbles back to their source, sounding like a stuck pig being prepared for Christmas dinner. A girl shrieked at the other three people down below about their penises. It was all happening far too fast.

Maf clambered onto the ledge as quickly as he could. He skidded to a stop next to Jason and pulled his tiny pistol out of his bag, readying it at his hip in his now-default CSI position. He scanned the ground below. Maf had been right. The voices were whiny and nasally - all of them were geeks, except for the girl, whom he recognised as the shrill Leila Langford. But given how quickly the situation had escalated, going to the same parties didn't seem like enough to strike up an alliance.

Hell, this was fast.

[Jonny†]

To review:

- Jeremy was, amongst other things, a fucking creepy rat-boy loser
- Jeremy's bread was shitty-assed (though this seemed like pure speculation)
- Leila seemed, for the most part, uninterested in a partnership

Those last two hurt, just a bit.

It wasn't like Leila had a lot of options. It wasn't like there was a whole pack of boys lining up to be her gallant and dashing protector (and besides it was impossible to be as gallant and dashing as fucking sword cane holy shit). It wasn't like there were many other people who were as patient or understanding or kindhearted as Jeremy. But she was still turning him down, and worse than that, she was still insulting the quality of his products. It was almost like she was... just a little... getting less hot.

No way who the fuck am I kidding she's still really hot.

Fortunately, Jimmy Brennan had started talking. Talking about dicks or something, it was a little hard to make out the details. The details weren't the point. The point was that when Jimmy Brennan started talking, the world got a little better. You got a little smugger. Because you could remind yourself that you are not Jimmy Brennan. So by the time that Jimmy had called Jeremy a "slutfucker" or something (which actually sounded like a pretty good arrangement, thanks Jimmy Brennan!), Jeremy had forgotten all about the grievous wound that Leila had dealt him and gotten pretty damn smug again.

Keep going, Jimmy Brennan! You think this is the smuggest I can get? Hahahahaha you dumb fucker I'm just getting warmed up. Come on, big guy, whatcha got? You gonna accuse me of getting laid a lot again?

Sadly, no. "GUN! Gun! Shit, shit, Jason got a gun!"

Well that didn't make Jeremy feel smug at all.

There was, indeed, a dude with a gun. And there was a Leila screaming about how Jeremy didn't have a dick (but Jimmy just said that I fuck sluts, how would I do that without a dick? Seriously Leila you're just not making any sense at all). And there was just a little hint of impending danger falling onto the situation, so maybe he ought to get the fuck out of Dodge right about now. But, well, shit, sometimes a gallant protector just had to do risky stuff to prove to hot chicks that he has a dick.

"Whoa, whoa, hey, slow down!" Walk towards him slowly. Keep your hands in the air, don't wave your fucking sword cane in a threatening fashion. Call him something that sounds friendly and endearing and non-confrontational. "Hey, champ, how about let's put the gun away? Or I mean, at the very least, keep it pointed at Jimmy Brennan!"

There, he was building rapport. Hating Jimmy Brennan was probably common ground with this guy, since everyone hates Jimmy Brennan.

And then another guy. Another gun. And built like a fucking tank. And not particularly smiling. Did he hate Jimmy Brennan too? Oh God please hate Jimmy Brennan please for the love of God hate Jimmy Brennan.

[Fanatic†]

Jason didn't hate Jimmy. Hate was a strong word. Sure Jimmy was annoying and Jason tended to avoid him since there was just something about the kid that screamed out 'punch me in the face' but he certainly didn't hate him. As Jeremy began to move towards him Jason's mind ticked over.

Play smart, if he gets close enough there's a chance that he might attack, if he's far away there's little chance of him doing anything given he's wielding that cane around. If we keep the advantage hopefully we can get away with no one getting hurt. Although... the smartest thing to do would be to just shoot them.

Jason couldn't though, even as he thought it the action dredged up memories of when he had to put his dog down the year before. The gut wrenching heartbreak as he watched the light dimmed from the dog's eyes was not something he could face again, especially if it was from another person; even someone as abrasive as Jeremy Franco. Pulling his gun up with both hands Jason yelled out "Stop right there criminal scum!" He paused for a second as he realised what he just said; force of habit more than anything. "...I mean Jeremy! Don't get any closer." He wasn't sure what he was going to do, but he knew enough to minimize the risk to himself and his friends which meant taking control of the situation.

Jason felt rather than saw the presence of Maf appear at his side. The Fijian projected an aura around him, he was noticeable despite his quiet nature. There was something oddly comforting about a huge footballer standing at your side when you knew that had your back. A certain kind of surety fell over Jason that no matter what if Maf was around things would be alright. With his ally at his back he risked a brief glance behind him at Nathan and Brook and motioned for them to come up to the ledge before turning back to the four classmates in front of him.

"Right you all should..." Jason hesitated once more. Once again he didn't exactly know what to do from here, he had leaped in to a situation before thinking it through despite his reassurances to himself that he would be playing smart. He couldn't just shoot them, but then again he really couldn't let them just run off either. In a situation like this that is how people got themselves killed. Someone gets overlooked or is dismissed as not being a threat then BAM you're dead. Still even though Jason had decided to protect his friends and make sure they were the last ones remaining he just couldn't off the people standing in front of him without remorse. Additionally the impact it would have with his current group might cause problems in the future.

"you all should just... stay there." Take inventory Jason thought. Information is power, plus giving people things to do would give Jason time to think. "What weapons did you guys get? I want them all laid out on the floor." He tried to be steely in his tone but his voice cracked as he spoke, revealing the tension and stress that was coursing through his body.

This wasn't how things were supposed to go. The group was supposed to gather resources and a home base. Defend against those who attacked them and then decide who would be the last out of the four. They couldn't pick up any more people, maybe Jen if Maf wanted but certainly not anyone else. Jason furtively hoped they wouldn't run in to Tiffany, it would be awkward to say the least, with Brook still in... not the best frame of mind things could go south very quickly. Speaking of girls, he looked at Leila. There was something quite attractive about the girl in this situation, her clothes dirtied and her hair tussled. An almost primal desire sparked in Jason's mind, but he quickly swept it away with cold logic. Thinking like that made people make mistakes. One of his greatest assets at the moment was he had his friends with him already and he had no romantic interests on the island: Erin was safely at home.

Either way, they had to deal with the four students in front of them. He certainly couldn't kill them; especially not Leila, she was a girl, but they couldn't take them with them; Jeremy or Jimmy would just be a hindrance, or let them go; Cody was a conspiracy nut, he would return and hunt them down, just to be sure. That would be stupid. He hoped Brook, Maf or Nathan would have an idea. Because at this moment Jason was stumped.

[MK Kilmarnock]

Brook hardly needed any significant prodding to get him to join Jason and Maf atop the hill. He had forced down a small, squeaky yell when Maf had gone after Jason so suddenly, as that's when he had known that they had truly been found.

Shit... that isn't good, that isn't good, this isn't good at all! Game over... what if one of them has a gun!? I mean, we all have guns... then again, Jimmy sounded so surprised...

That voice was definitely unmistakable; as Brook began to press his way on up the ridge to reach Nathan and Maf, he had already expected to see Jimmy. I'm coming, guys, I'll help you! Brook thought frantically. He wanted to yell it, wheeze it, something to let Jason know that Brook had his back just like Jason had his earlier, but the fear of revealing himself and conservation of breath both limited him from doing anything of the sort. Still, with his athletic cross-country running background, he had the endurance and drive to push onward until he was near the top, slowing down to find his footing among the more precarious terrain.

"I'm here... I'm here!" Brook said, his voice finding some resolve, finally... he was not a pansy, he was a mighty zinnia! ... Wait... no, flowers were pretty wussy in general, as pretty as they were. He was... uh... a cactus. A cactus preparing to stab somebody in the throat at any moment should they threaten his friends. Whatever plant he thought he could identify with, the point was that Brook had found new strength, a goal to keep his mind from succumbing to the fact that this wasn't just one big, mildly dangerous outing of high-pain paintball. Brook managed to stand directly atop the ridge alongside his two friends, pointing the small gun in his hands downward, but not at anybody in particular.

"Al-" He croaked, then cleared his throat. This had to be loud... to be convincing.

"A... ALRIGHT, GUYS!" Brook yelled in order to compensate for the distance between the two groups. "Look, we don't wanna hurt anybody, okay? Jimmy, you're pretty cool! I think you're hilarious in class, so just.. calm down, alright? Leila? Jeremy, you know me!" Brook looked to Cody, but thought it wise not to say anything about him, since it wouldn't really come out as sincere... he wasn't too fond of the crazy, suspicious fellow. Wasn't extremely fond of Jeremy either, but as long as the two stayed out of each other's way, no harm done, right?

"So... just slowly show us what you got for weapons, alright? We don't need any of us being killed... and I'm sure you don't need any of YOU being killed." Brook gulped, he was doing pretty good, but it seemed like his composure was finally giving out in such a potentially violent situation.

"Right guys?"

[Rattlesnake]

Now he really wanted to slip out.

He looked nonchalantly at Jimmy, who seemed to think he was going to talk him out of his only weapon. He wasn't going to be a tool, though. Well, he, Cody, wasn't going to be a tool. He, Jimmy, was going to be a tool anyways, and it didn't do any good being a tool of a tool.

"Ummm, you know, I'm real happy for you and all that, but I don't really think I wanna be a tool. Or give you my tool, so I can be a tool giving a tool to a tool. Not to be personal, or anything. Just I dislike the concept of tools."

He turned with the rest of them, looking again at the group arriving above them.

Of course they have guns, isn't the point of this to kill each other? Guns kind of help a lot there. Just as long as they don't shoot me for this thing. Or try to make me be a tool.

Cody Jenkins was not a tool.

Other than that fact, the situation was spiraling in random directions, none of which he liked. There was Jimmy's touching speech, and then the gunmen... and now he was being called a bastard, which didn't really matter because he wasn't going to stick around long. Then the gunmen trying to be all cool and make them lay out their weapons. For goodness sakes, the axe was supposed to be his friend...

He tried to be calm, and was, for the most part, successful. But there's something about having a gun pointed at you that triggers a primal sort of terror that makes you want to do a lot of contradicting things at once, and then compromise by doing nothing except sweat a whole lot. In a more academic sense, though, Cody knew that a gun would be the least of his worries. It might hurt to get shot, or he might be one of the lucky ones who felt nothing. But if he was going to die in the next week or so, and he assuredly was, then there wasn't really much to fear. A more painful death, maybe, but there weren't many ways of being murdered that weren't stupidly painful.

"So, I don't really wanna stick around here if you're going to pretend like you'll be able to shoot me, or escalate things with this axe or whatever, you know, it's just nice to have so people leave me alone, except that doesn't seem to be working now, but maybe people without guns will leave me alone because they think I'll kill them. Or they'll just kill me anyways because they want to be a massive tool. So yeah, I'll just kinda go now. Remember, what's the Fonz like? Nice and cool."

With that, he scooped up his bag with the spike of his axe, laying it over his shoulder like a bindle. It wouldn't be terribly practical to go real far like that, but it was sort of silly, and nice for forgetting about people pointing guns at you, not to mention completely non-aggressive. And if that's what it took to not get shot right there and then, that was cool with him.

((Cody Jenkins continued in Your Cross to Bear))

[Little Boy†]

Just when things were looking up, God saw fit to take another giant shit on Jimmy's day. Jimmy had thought his plan was smart, considering he came up with it at a moments notice. He certainly didn't see a flaw in it, or a way for Cody or the others to call him out on it. He really DIDN'T have a weapon (Unless 12 Fl Oz of bitter soda counted as a weapon), so even if they were to check his pack, he'd be all set. It wasn't that far a stretch to reason that Jimmy had given his weapon away. Good people like Jimmy still existed after all, even in Bayview.

And why wouldn't they trust him? He could be very convincing when he wanted to.

At least he thought...

Cody's response stung. It was clear that the boy either wasn't listening or simply didn't by a word he had said. Even with the appearance of Jason and Co. on the ridge, Cody managed to rather calmly refuse his offer.

The fuck is this? You can't treat me like this, we're all equal now. We're all gonna die, so we're finally fucking equal!

"You're fucking stupid Cody. Fucking stupid. It'd be a REALLY good idea to give that thing to the only one here who knows how to fight." He hissed towards the boy. Before he could continue, Jason drew his pistol and aimed it at the group. Jimmy's thoughts skittered to a halt, he stepped back, his hands shooting in the air, his heart pounding in his chest.

"Oh shitttt..."

Fuck you God. Just- Fuck you.

Jason began talking, imploring them to stay where they were. Jimmy eagerly agreed. His legs seemed to be frozen in place anyway. More figures began to appear next to Jason. A timid boy that he'd seen about, Brook, Jimmy was pretty sure his name was. Nathan stood behind Jason along with some big bastard, with a fucked up name. Mab? Maf?

Great, a rabid pack of douchebags, just what I need! And look, they're all packing heat. Guns. MotherFUCKER. This isn't fair. I should have got a gun! If Danya woulda' given me a gun, I'd already be home now! I want a gun!

Leila was telling them to stop standing around and do something. Jimmy shot her a look of distaste. He'd decided he didn't like this girl anymore, as if he ever really did.

Fuck you, like I'd risk my neck for some stupid bitch like you! Where were you when I needed help? You don't even fucking know me! I don't even fucking know YOU.

While Jimmy stood more or less still, Jeremy began to walk towards the group, his hands raised in a peaceful gesture. He tried to ease the boys to lower their weapons.

Oh yeah, because the fuckers with the guns are gonna be pacifists. They look like Jocks for the most part. They're all out for my blood, so what difference do you think it'll make, 'tween me and you? You fucking idiot.

"Hey, champ, how about let's put the gun away? Or I mean, at the very least, keep it pointed at Jimmy Brennan!"

Jimmy felt his face turn red, he spat a glob of spit at Jeremy, it landed on the back of his jeans, near his shoes.

"Suck my dick you faggot! If anyone is gonna get killed, it'll obviously be you!" He yelled at the boy, hands still raised in the air. He backed up, eying the path down the mountain. He looked up again, towards the boys standing on the ledge.

"I'm way too much for these guys to handle. I fuckin' beat the shit outta' Keith earlier, look at me, not a scratch! I'll do the same to you Jocks if you come at me, swear to God! So no Jason, you stay where YOU are!"

No shame in running Jimmy. Not from this. It's smart. You're smart, who wouldn't run from a loaded fucking gun?

Looking back up, he could see Cody had the same idea. The other boy was beating a hasty retreat after mumbling something about the Fonz. Jimmy's anger grew.

"Hope you die then, you coward!" He called after the boy.

There goes my fucking axe, and my pitch perfect plan... Idiot. If he'd done what I said, I wouldn't have hurt him. I'd have left him to die, but well...

The boy Jimmy recognized as Brook began to speak, begging for everyone to ease up. Jimmy cocked his eyebrows confused.

Why the fuck is he with them? He sounds like a pussy. At least he's better than Jeremy.

"That's good. Killing people, yeah, it's fucked up. Then again, maybe you guys already know that first hand, tottin' around those fucking guns. I don't gotta' weapon in the first fucking place. I threw it away. No, I GAVE it away, because I'm a compassionate motherfucker. So I need a new one. Shit is going crazy down there. Fuckin' blood everywhere n' shit. You got anything to spare? I'll trade you guys, lead you to a safe spot, fuckin' I don't know, join with you, whatever the fuck you want. Just gimme a fuckin' weapon."

Can't really hurt to ask. They're probably gonna just shoot us anyway... Motherfucker! I thought I was in control for once, I actually thought I might have a shot! This is the worst day of my life, I'm gonna get shot by a buncha' popular kids..

[GregTheAnti-Viking†]

Nathan listened in as he heard the familiar voice of Jeremy Franco speaking up to try to negotiate with Jason. Great, just great, they seemed to be caught up in a Mexican standoff. Jason, their leader on one side and Jeremy, an excited Leila Langford and Jimmy fucking Brennan on the other...how wonderful.

On the other hand Jason was a reasonable talker, Nathan was sure he would be able to talk like a reasonable human being and diffuse this situation...

"Stop right there criminal scum!"

Nathan was not sure as to what exactly a brain aneurysm felt like, but he was sure that he was nearing something close now. He felt his hand slowly grasping for the bridge of his nose, pushing his glasses up ever so slightly, letting a low groan escape from his lips. Jason was a wonderful friend, his attempt to cheer people up with unorthodox but usually pretty effective, but right now, this was not the way to solve their newfound problem.

Nathan took a deep breath and turned back to Jason. What would Geoffrey do in this situation?

Well...I guess he would try and diffuse the situation somehow...

He turned back around to look to Maf and Brook, "Okay guys, I'm going to try and bail out Jason here, you guys jus-"

The two of them were gone. He turned his head back, and there they were, staring down towards the group and both of them had their guns pointed out.

"No no no no," he began to say rushing up towards the three of them. He heard Brook say something, but he didn't quite hear what he was saying his thoughts had him a little preoccupied at that moment.

Fuuuuuuuucccccccckkkkkkkkk

There they were, Leila, Jeremy and Jimmy standing there staring up right at them. Cody Jenkins was there as well, but he seemed to be leaving, but the tension was still there, hanging like a dense cloud precariously placed precisely over Nathan's head.

Nathan had to think fast now that he was here, things were going to go wrong real fast unless he did something about it. Instinct told him to raise his palms out to face the guys that were already there he was about to speak again when Jimmy began to spout off again. The dude looked like hell had run him over and he clearly wasn't in the mood for this. He couldn't blame him, but there was no way that he would be level headed if he had a gun in his hands.

"Whoa whoa whoa, dudes, hold everything!" Nathan began, looking to his friends before looking down to the other three, he sucked in a bunch of air before trying his hardest to diffuse what was going on.

"Ok dudes, first things first, Jimmy, calm the fuck down, we ain't killed anybody, and we ain't going to start it so calm down! We were just passing through and honestly, we're trying to find a place to hole up, hell maybe even find a way outta here if we could. Look if you have a place to go that's just peachy and I would love to go there..."

Nathan thought about mentioning the gun, but common sense told him that telling that to Jimmy fucking Brennan was just asking for it.

"Unfortunately I got nothing, I just got a yo-yo. Tossed the stupid thing out...So...here we are...I guess..."

Please work damn it...I don't want to have to deal with this shit...

[Hallucinojelly†]

Leila choked.

Too much was going on too fast and there were way too many people to keep up with. Were they all building a little mountain village or what? Fucking ridiculous. Oh, and now Jeremy and Jimmy were trying to play the heroes. Well done guys, you're doing a stellar job, really. When a girl needs protecting from gun-wielding cave-dwellers in the future, she'll know exactly who to call.

Hearing Jimmy ask for a weapon sent a bolt through her stomach, glaring as she watched him desperately attempt and fail at getting them to hand over one of their precious weapons.

"Hold on, why do you get a weapon and I don't? What makes you think I don't need protection? I mean, look at this. I'm the only one with a snatch around here and all I got was this fucking thing."

Kneeling down to the floor, she ravaged her daypack as she pulled the entangled bolos away from the rest of her things.

"There. See what I mean?"

She held it up high for everyone to see.

"If someone attacks me, I'm fucked. And not in a good way. A fucking bad way."

Lowering it by her side, it dangled about her legs as she spoke.

"Come on now, surely you guys don't want to see this pretty little thing in pieces, right?"

Pulling the headband out of her hair, she granted the wind full access and closed her eyes as the gusts battered and blew the strands out of her face and off, streaming, to the side. Once her hair began to flutter around, she slowly, carefully, purposefully opened her eyes halfway, letting them gloss over with glistening teardrops as she turned up to look at the boys on the ridge.

"I mean, I'm the only girl here. You could all take advantage of me right now, and I'd be defenceless. Could you imagine that? Guys lining up to take a crack at me while I'm stuck, helpless and dirty getting pummelled and pummelled by dick after dick. It'd be sick, right? Humiliating. So come on, what do you say? You gonna give me a helping hand, or are you gonna be cold and leave me here to die?"

[Jonny†]

(Fudging post order a bit because inactivity is about to come down onto Jeremy's head. Don't really want that!)

Holy shit everybody was talking and this was stupid that they'd all talk, didn't those fuckers with guns know who their leader was? They obviously needed a unified voice, someone strong and charismatic to- no, no, no, save that for later. Jeremy was getting ahead of himself. Right now he had to deal with the fact that everybody was shouting over everyone else (whose idea had it been to shout over people in the first place?), and so he had to work out a few orders of business.

First order of business was to completely ignore Jimmy Brennan, because seriously, fuck Jimmy Brennan.

Second order of business was to figure out what everyone wanted. That's what you do when you're a businessman, because until you do, you don't got shit. It's like if you show up to school with a 24-pack of Dr. Pepper, and then hahahahaha yeah, nice fucking job dumbass, nobody likes Dr. Pepper so Jeremy would be over in the next corner, all his refreshing Coca-Cola selling like thirst-quenching hot cakes, and he'd be rich and you'd be a dumbass. So it was time to figure out what the figurative Coca-Cola was in this situation, because he was all out of literal Coca-Cola.

There was Leila, right, and Leila was fucking inscrutable, Leila was a fucking sphinx (except she was hot). She didn't want a map. She didn't want protection. She said she wanted someone to give her a weapon. She didn't want bread. So what the fuck did she even want? Well, she was giving these kids with guns the time of day, and that was a step up from what she'd given Jeremy. So... to get in with Leila, he'd have to get in with the kids with guns. But what the hell did those guys want?

Oh shiiiiiiiit.

A leader! He'd just been thinking about that, and boom, there it was! That's what he could offer to the guys! Jeremy would sign on with their group, he'd be their leader, he'd call the shots and speak for them and they'd all just have a bunch of guns and start fucking shit up. Yesssssssss. So he just needed an angle, something to build rapport, something to wedge way in, so- so where did he know these dudes from? There was the one guy who'd said that he knew Jeremy (well yes everyone knows Jeremy because he is an accomplished businessman and a pillar of the community and he's holding the local economy up on his goddamn shoulders), he was... right! Brooks! Jeremy knew Brooks, he was a pretty alright guy, he was a... a gardener, right? He liked flowers and stuff?

Jeremy did not like flowers.

So there was no common ground here. Fuck. Uh... where had Jeremy seen this guy... right! Track team! Yesssssss. Jeremy was not on track team, but he made a habit to show up at their meets sometimes. He would lay odds and take bets as if the runners were racehorses, and it was always fucking hilarious. And everyone agreed with him that it was fucking hilarious and there was no dissent from this opinion. So right! Brooks was on track team, and then, well, did he recognize any of these other guys from the meets? Oh fuck yes! The other dude, the one with the yo-yo, he was totally on it too! And the other guys, well... Jeremy thought he recognized them from some meets, so they were definitely on track team too. Okay, so all four of these guys were track runners, so he had his angle. He had his sales pitch.

His sales pitch went a little like this:

"Hey, alright, sparky, you got it!" Sparky was another friendly, non-confrontational nickname, he was pretty alright at coming up with those. "Weapon's on the ground, here, look, it's just a cane! Nothing threatening, I just got a cane and all I can do with it is help old people walk!" (Oh god I'm so sorry sword-cane, I'm so sorry that I have to hurt you with my lies) "And hey, look guys, I respect what you're doing and I'm all for it and you all seem like good guys, but you all gotta get on the same page! You all gotta get your heads together, cause you're freakin' everybody out when you're all shouting at everyone and you got guns and it's not really cool, guys! So here's what I think you guys need!"

Dramatic pause.

"You need a leader so you can all have that guy speak for you and make the decisions and then nobody gets freaked out! And I think I can be that guy because- hear me out here- you're all on the track team, right, which is awesome, and I'm on the baseball team so that means I can run really fucking fast too. So that makes us all brothers, okay? We're all brothers! Except since I'm on baseball team that also means I can hit things really fucking hard, so that means I'm like a notch above you- though we're still brothers and I'm not looking down on you, not one bit- so I think it's best that leadership role goes to me!"

Yes this was a good thing to say and it established him as above the kids with guns in the pecking order. And so they would fall in line and accept him as leader.

Right into his goddamn spiderweb!

[Fanatic†]

((Like Jonny, avoiding inactivity, and as such apologises in advance for crappiness))

The sheer audacity of Cody making his speech and then calmly strolling off in to the sunset like he wasn't even phased by multiple guns pointed at him was the only thing that made Jason not yell at him to stay where he was. Instead he stood semi-slack jawed as Cody simply disappeared around a ridge without saying a thing. This, however, was only the beginning of the inanity which was to following in the next few minutes as each of the group the Flowerheads had ambushed began speaking up, putting forward their business deals almost all at once. Way too much for Jason to process while he had a gun pointed at them.

He was relieved when Nathan stepped up to the plate. The guy certainly knew how to take charge and Jason was extremely relieved when he started talking. It stemmed some of the nerves that he had when Brook had scrambled up behind him and started issuing demands. His voice was too wavy and Jason was worried what Brook might do in his unstable state. He had thought the long walk from the felled forest had brought his mate back to reality a little but he could see that placed in this situation Brook was quickly losing his composure. Right then and there Jason made a mental note. Keep Brook away from the action. There was no use protecting the guy if he lost he before the end of the game. He felt the tension drop by several levels as Nathan spoke up.

Yo yo? Didn't Nathan have a gun? Jason thought to himself as Nathan concluded his speech. Oh wait... I see what you did there. Nathan had always been smarter than he gave himself credit for and the guy had a natural charisma that Jason could not quite seem to attain no matter how much he tried. Sure Jason was willing to try and motivate people, but more often than not it met with reluctant agreement rather than any kind of enthusiasm. Jimmy really was asking for it, the balls he had simply to tell Jason to stay where he was was unbelievable and if Nathan hadn't piped up then and there Jason knew he would of done something stupid.

The first thought that had crossed his mind was We need to ensure they know we're in control otherwise they'll walk all over us and he had contemplated shooting Jimmy, firing in to the air, pistol whipping the kid and putting his gun down all within seconds and had immediately discarded each notion as infeasible. He hoped that after Nathan's carefully worded entry, and the fact that the four boys all stood together on high ground would be enough to make Jimmy stop in his tracks.

As Nathan finished Jason turned his attention to Leila. Once again his baser instincts perked up as he surveyed the girl and it certainly didn't help that Leila basically handed him the mental image of her being pounded from behind. He honestly contemplated it for a few seconds. She probably didn't mean for it to come of that way and really just wanted protection but Leila had a reputation for being a flirt and not really the smartest tool in the kit. Plus, Jason reminded himself, his goal was to protect his friends, not score a little nookie. Dying a virgin though was not something he had planned on doing.

Before Jeremy began his sales pitch Jason spoke in a metered tone to Leila. "It's getting late, so we'll probably set up camp somewhere round here. You can stay with us for the night, but don't try anything stupid." He glanced quickly at his companions, looking for agreement from his friends on the plan before confirming anything for sure.

He was a little more relaxed now so when Jeremy placed his cane down Jason listened fully intending to consider the boy's proposal. As the words tumbled out of Jeremy's mouth Jason began to widen his eyes in disbelief, even more so than when Cody simply strode off in to the distance. As he finished Jason turned to Brook his face serious. "I dunno man, seems like a pretty good idea. I mean we really don't know what we're doing and..."

He trailed off and slowly turned back to Jeremy with a cocky smile. "Seriously Jeremy that has got to be the worst pitch I have ever heard in my entire life. We've got this covered." Jason was completely disarmed he knew he should be thinking about removing all threats and letting people live was counter-intuitive to the cold logical plan of how to ensure at least one of his friends made it out alive but the ridiculousness of Jeremy's pitch had somewhat changed his current outlook. He could, Jason reasoned to himself, always reassess later, no need to do anything rash. Jeremy's sincerity on the sell reminded Jason about the time the young entrepreneur tried to sell him a Nintendo DS. It had taken the boy 2 weeks to get Jason to buy the thing but in the end he had succeeded. "Look, it's getting late and I don't think we're going to make it to the phone tower tonight, so like Leila, you're welcome to stay with us if you want for the night."

He didn't extend the invitation to Jimmy. The kid was a firecracker waiting to go off.

He wasn't so sure of himself but he hoped Nathan would take control of the situation proper and work out the details. Before he moved Jason turned to his friends and spoke softly. "If we just watch each other's backs we should be ok. But we should at least think about what we're going to do with these guys. We can't keep them around with us, they'll just slow us down." He nodded to the trio behind him and hoped they understood the ramifications of what he was implying. Trekking down the ridge slightly Jason looked around for a good place to spend the night. "Well come on guys? What are we waiting for. I'll even take first watch."

[MK Kilmarnock]

Brook lowered his gun when tensions seemed to have dropped to the point where pointing the cursed thing seemed a bit... ridiculous. He was always careful to not point it at anybody, but Jimmy and others seemed to think that his mere armorment meant that he was liable to pop off at any moment and cap them in the head. No.... no, of course not, he wouldn't do that! Brook couldn't dream of shooting any of them, even if it was so easy as to point the small chunk of metal in his hands at them, maybe give a nice, friendly smile, and pull the trigger... no more Leila, or Jimmy, or Jeremy, or whoever the fuck he wanted to kill.

He had the gun, HE had the power. Even if the gun was a shitty-ass chunk of metal that nobody really wanted, not even him, but he had to keep holding onto it so nobody else could have it and possibly use it against him.

Whatever may happen, the gun was still lowered, and Brook did his best to listen and keep himself moderately sane as he listened to the profoundly stupid things that leaked out of Jimmy, Leila and Jeremy. Jimmy, for some reason, had gone completely Dr. Rockso on everybody, and had probably found some sort of narcotic plant somewhere on the island. Brook could think of a few possibilities that would exist in the temperate zone, but they all seemed a bit weak. All of a sudden, he really wished he could find a black birch tree so he could chew on the bark...

Oh, then there was Leila, who somehow decided that begging everybody to rape her was a great idea. Brook looked back and forth between Leila and Jason, basically in some stunned mix of disbelief and 'seriously-what-the-fuck', which was only amplified by some strange look of amusement on Jason's face. He wasn't seriously... contemplating it, was he? Brook chuckled.... No, wait, what the hell... Jason finds that as ridiculous as I do... Leila's just gone bat-shit insane, just like the rest of us. No, I haven't... I'm still here, still among the land of the non-institutionalized. Not like those guys down there... they're like apples, apples all infected with some sort of insanity sickness that spreads from one inhabitant of the barrel to the next.

Then, of course, Jeremy's proposal. Brook was about to respond to it with a re-drawing of his gun and a nice, cool-sounding 'how about nooooo' which, in retrospect, probably would've sounded like Dr. Evil said it. Luckily, Jason beat him to the punch and was... agreeing with it? Brook jerked his head and looked at Jason.

"I dunno man, seems like a pretty good idea. I mean we really don't know what we're doing and..."

Brook was getting ready to smack Jason with the nearest rock, person or tree branch he could find and bitch him out for saying something so incredibly dumb when Jason turned to Jeremy, then revealed that he thought it was a stupid fucking idea to start with. Of course... Brook mentally punished himself for doubting Jason. Sure, he had done things in the past, each holding completely ridiculous magnitudes of stupidity (especially that damned mountain trip looking for the heather), but surely Jason wasn't capable of something so completely mind-numbingly retarded as giving the reins over to somebody outside the group. Brook relaxed his shoulders and allowed himself to laugh, feeling closer like the guy who used to go to Bayview High School and who worked at a nursery more than he had been during his entire stay in this hell.

The relaxation was cut short as soon as it had happened, though, as Jason extended the invitation for Leila to stay with them. Uh... safety's great and all that, but I'm starting to think Jason's really considering Leila's... oh man, I hope he isn't... if he tried to do anything to her, I'd have to talk some sense into him. At least, I'm hoping that's as far as it goes...

"Okay, so... whew, glad all that tension's over..." Brook gave another nervous giggle, keeping the gun lowered, his finger far away from the trigger. "I guess we can all try and co-exist for a while. I mean... come on, we all went to school together. It's fine, we're not the sort to hurt each other.. don't let some creepy old fucks give us a ton of paranoia, okay? We aren't those kids in the video. We're not gonna hurt each either, I mean... I can't even think about that. So let's just rest!"

[Pigeon Army†]

((That was a fun inactivity warning.))

Back in St. Paul, Maf had a lot of friends who were into hip-hop. It was common ground, even if they tended to be into Akon and 50 Cent and stuff like that, while Maf was more a fan of The Roots and Lupe Fiasco. It was more interesting. But anyway. One of the things they saw eye-to-eye on was R Kelly - he had issues, but his hip-hop was tight. So, when Trapped in the Closet had first come out on DVD and one of Maf's friends had bought it, they'd all gathered to watch R-Kell's magnum opus. It was still one of Maf's favourite films, even if it wasn't finished. It was fucking funny.

Looking at what was happening now, Maf wondered whether R Kelly was a psychic or something. They were one midget away from shit getting twisted.

Jason wasn't handling things particularly well, Maf could easily see that. It wasn't like Jason wasn't a good leader - he just wasn't a guy who could handle conflict all that well, and this was conflict. Brook wasn't exactly handling things well, either, his voice all jumpy and shaky. Nathan was the only one talking sense, even refusing to pull his gun. But sense didn't get you far when everyone else was going crazy. His parents had learned that the hard way.

To be honest, Maf couldn't have cared about this lot. Taking any of them on would just hold them all back, and they all seemed to be nuts anyway. Hell, Brook was bad enough, with his paranoia and shaky hands. The weird long-haired kid had the right idea, skipping out like that. Maf kind of wished they could do the same, and he tapped Jason on the shoulder, hoping to get his attention. Jason didn't even seem to notice.

Then Jimmy and Jeremy and Leila all started shrieking and talking big and trying to push their way into the group. They were all really, really annoying, and he really didn't trust any of them. And it wasn't easy to get Maf to be suspicious of someone. They had to actively be a dick or a bitch to get Maf to dislike them.

Jason had been fixated on Leila throughout her little performance, and Maf began to worry as Jason started into his reply. "It's getting late," he said, his tone sincere, "so we'll probably set up camp somewhere round here. You can stay with us for the night, but don't try anything stupid." Maf's eyes widened. Oh hell no... Jason turned around to get some kind acceptance from the group, and Maf couldn't shake his head any faster. There was no way that she was tagging along. She would only hurt any attempt they made at trying to survive - and besides, he didn't want Jennifer getting the wrong idea when they found her.

Then Jason began his reply to Jeremy's little sales pitch, turning and facing Brook as he did so. "I dunno man, seems like a pretty good idea. I mean we really don't know what we're doing and..." His face and tone were deadly serious, and Maf whacked him on the arm, his eyes practically screaming WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING? Jason smiled at Maf - it was a joke. Maf breathed in deep, his heart racing, as Jason turned around and smacked down the skeezy trader's offer. He didn't need this kind of excitement in this environment. It was enough to give a man a heart attack.

Brook followed Jason's lead, offering rest and peace and all that other stuff that they would only really get if Jimmy Brennan and Leila Langford and that Jeremy kid were as far away as possible. Those three were trouble with a capital T, and Maf wasn't willing to stake his friends' lives on them. He hit Brook on the arm softly and pointed in the other direction with his thumb - let's get out of here. He could only hope Brook took the hint.

[Little Boy†]

Jimmy couldn't understand why, but it appeared that no one was listening to him anymore. He glanced around the clearing, clenching and unclenching his fists. He was having second thoughts, how far exactly would he make it if he ran? Would he end up dead on this mountain, a bullet in his back?

I'm not dying like a coward. They'll kill me no matter what, so fuck them. I'm not going to run and get plugged in the ass. Besides, I'm pretty much frozen on the fucking spot here...

He turned his attention back towards the group. Everything had calmed down, at least for the time being. He scowled up at the group on the rock.

They just dismissed me. Didn't even bother to answer. Well ain't this fuckin' new and wonderful.

Jimmy began to grumble to himself, continuing to be ignored by the group. Jimmy felt lonely, but his main emotion at the moment was anger. He could feel it bubbling up inside him as the group continued to talk, ignoring everything he had said.

Nothing changes. This is just like how it always was.

"Take it that's a no then you faggots? Well fine, I expected that. You're a pack of greedy motherfuckers by the looks of it. Won't even share with a down on his luck good sam-"

And then Leila started talking.

Jimmy's mouth hung a gap for a brief moment as his brain struggled to comprehend what had just happened.

Did she just say what I thought she-

"I mean, I'm the only girl here. You could all take advantage of me right now, and I'd be defenceless. Could you imagine that? Guys lining up to take a crack at me while I'm stuck, helpless and dirty getting pummelled and pummelled by dick after dick. It'd be sick, right? Humiliating. So come on, what do you say? You gonna give me a helping hand, or are you gonna be cold and leave me here to die?"

WOAH.

Jimmy felt his face flush bright red as he looked over towards Leila. Her words hadn't kicked his hormones into overdrive, they'd tied a firecracker to his dick and sent it shooting skyward like it was the Fourth of July. Frantically shifting his bag to cover his crotch, Jimmy couldn't take his gaze away from Leila, he could feel his mouth moving up and down, but he couldn't for the life of him figure out what he was trying to say.

WOAH.

Jimmy would have never told anyone in a million years, but deep down he was, and figured he always would be, a virgin. The bluntness of Leila's words smacked Jimmy as hard as any weapon would have. He gripped the straps of his pack and shifted again, hoping the others hadn't noticed the dramatic change in his behavior. The thought of Leila, a girl, saying something so obscene so casually... Jimmy cleared his throat awkwardly. He wasn't certain if this occurred all the time with regular school kids, but he had a feeling it wasn't a common occurrence. It didn't matter, Jimmy was on Hormone induced auto-pilot.

Oh great, now I'm going to die with a huge boner. This isn't the worst day of my life, it's the worst day of fucking my entire existence. Fucking hundred generations, leading up to Jimmy Brennan who gets shot on a mountain with a raging boner, because Leila was- she- her- those legs... smooth an' just... she... could she even...

OHGOD THAT'S FUCKING AWESOME.

"GUH." Jimmy squeaked.

[GregTheAnti-Viking†]

Nathan Choultard's frustration levels were growing. He was not cut out to be a hostage negotiator. Hell, he was not even built to to defuse a powder keg situation like this. At least they were able to buy that he had a yo-yo at one point, which was one of the only things going right here.

And then it went back to hell...

First, there was Leila. She was doing some sort of weird model-like posing as if she was some sort perfume model or something. Then she opened her mouth. He was stunned at first, caught up in the sheer insanity of what she had just suggested and then he felt a wave of irritation running from his head to his toes. Sure, the girl was pretty, but did she really think that the four of them would force themselves on her. On the other hand, how could they really leave her alone, the four of them wouldn't do it, but someone could and the thought of that was disconcerting to say the least.

Jason seemed to be fine with her coming along, which made Nathan a little more at ease. Better to let him decide on whether they would keep others than he would. He was no leader, Jason was.

He wanted to say something, but Jeremy decided now would be the time to insert his opinions. So he had a cane? That was okay. He wanted to be a leader? Well that was...not exactly necessary, Jason had done pretty good for them so far and he didn't think that the group really needed another one really, still there wasn't necessarily anything wrong with having another person to the group, but he could smell the sleaze pouring out of his mouth when he went on about being brothers and then not so subtly jabbing that baseball was better than track, the only thing he found himself agreeing with.

Thanks Geoffrey...

The more Jeremy talked, the more Nathan didn't like him coming along, but then Jason said that he thought that was a good offer...

Wait what!

Nathan whipped his body around and fired a sharp look. Jason was a bright guy, he would know better to accept that proposal. He couldn't have possibly been duped by...

"Seriously Jeremy that has got to be the worst pitch I have ever heard in my entire life. We've got this covered."

Nathan could practically hear the air coming out of his lungs. He had now over the course of about three minutes had an aneurysm and a heart attack. His friends were great, but at times bad for his health. He was happy that he idea to get the hell out of this place and go was something he was fine with, even if they were to add Leila and the increasingly suspicious Jeremy.

He was more pleased to find Brook and Maf seemed fine with it too, with their approval, he was going to agree that they should leave when...

"GUH."

Oh that's right...Jimmy's still here...

He really, really, really didn't want to have to deal with him. He wanted to just leave him be, ignore the little pain in the ass, the little liability waiting to happen. However this place was terrible, and in all likelihood, the poor guy would die from some sociopath with a shotgun.

Why did they always get the shotgun anyways?

He cleared the errant thought out of his head and let out a sigh. He couldn't believe he was about to bring Jimmy into sitting down on the sloped face staring at the three of them.

"Okay look dudes, there is no need for any kinda leadership changes right now, but here we go. At this point we're gonna get the hell outta here, but here we go. You all can come hang with us at this point, we're going to make camp...somewhere I don't know, but you can come...if you want...Anyways, I think we're going to make our way out now, so, if you follow, you follow, we're probably not going to stop for you if you don't come, but the offer stands..."

He got up and heaved a heavy sigh, moving back to his friends. He put an arm to his head and wiped fresh layer of sweat running down his forehead. He was not built for this, he wanted to avoid situations like this as often as possible.

"Ok guys," he whispered, grabbing his bag and looping it up around his shoulders, "Let's just get out of here, I'm fucking tired, and if you have any problems with them coming with us...just lets deal with that later."

He let out another heavy sigh, and starting to make his way to wherever looked like a decent campsite.

I'm not meant for this...

((Nathan Choultard continued in Carpe Noctum))

[Jonny†]

It was very kind of Jason, all things considered, to offer Jeremy the opportunity to stay the night with the group.

Which fucking sucked.

Because Jeremy wanted to get mad at him. Because Jeremy wanted to scream and shout and wave fucking sword cane around all threatening-like, and to call Jason an asshole and a fucker and a shithead, and to consult with Jimmy Brennan for some unique but ultimately awful insults to lob at him as well. Jeremy wanted to get pissed off. Because- and this was just part of it- Jason had turned down Jeremy's very sensible and well-intentioned offer. But Jason looked like the closest thing the group currently had to a leader, so he was just trying to hold onto his seat of power. Smart. Jeremy couldn't blame him too much, and were the circumstances slightly different he would be pelting Jason with knowing winks and high fives. But the thing that stung most was that Jason had turned around and, almost in the same breath, made his own offer to Jeremy.

I'm the one who makes the fucking offers! That's what I fucking do! It's kinda my whole deal, asshole!

To be fair, Jason wasn't the first guy on the mountain to try and muscle into Jeremy's territory. A little while ago, Jimmy Brennan had made some stupid fucking offer to that one blowjob who'd already left (and you thought Jeremy hadn't been paying attention!), so maybe Jason overheard that and assumed it was okay for just anybody to go around trying to wheel and deal. But it wasn't the same. Because when Jimmy Brennan tried to get you to agree to something, it could just be assumed that he was gonna fail spectacularly. But Jason telling Jeremy he could stay the night if he wanted? Whole different fuckin' ballgame. It was a damn good offer (though Jeremy was sure he was gonna figure out the catch any second now). It was a very generous one. It was the kind of offer that you really actually wanted to just accept.

Jeremy had no intention of accepting. Jeremy had no intention of settling. Because that's what it would be, wouldn't it? Accepting the kindness of a stranger was worlds away from forging a powerful alliance. From leading a powerful alliance. He could still do that. He could still fucking do that. He could find people, find out what they wanted, promise it to them (maybe even give it to them!), and turn them into a badass fucking fighting force. Accepting Jason's offer- even though it was a good one and Jason seemed like a nice dude and this would be a lot easier if Jeremy could just get pissed at him!- would be admitting defeat. It would make him look like a fucking pussy, like some kind of wacky trained monkey these kids were hauling around so they could laugh at its zany antics.

Like some kind of Jimmy Brennan.

Not on his list of goals. Not by a longshot. If they were really desperate for a Jimmy Brennan, there was a perfectly serviceable one over there, looking quite hot and bothered over something or other. Whatever, Jeremy couldn't be bothered to figure out how that little douchebag's mind worked. He was getting out of here anyway. But before he did, he needed to do something. While the kids were preoccupied talking about their plans of where they were gonna camp for the night, Jeremy reached into his left jacket pocket for his stack of J. Franco and Associates business cards (if you didn't know that Jeremy carried about a stack of J. Franco and Associates business cards, you didn't know shit about Jeremy Franco). Took out three of them, jotted down a little personalized message on the back of each.

"Hey, chief! Thanks for the offer and all, but I don't think I'm gonna be sticking around. Real big of you, though, y'hear? I mean it. You're good people, I like you all." Pointed at the big scowly scary Samoan-looking dude. "I like you too, you're pretty cool." Jeremy jogged over to Leila, waving around the first card so he could hand it to her. "Hey Leila, sorry I was being weird and all, just take this and I'm outta your hair and we're good." Brooks was next, so Jeremy awkwardly turned on his heel and trotted up to him. "Hey Flowerhead, you take this one, okay? And good luck with the cell tower, you guys are gonna turn that into a fuckin' fortress and I know it! Maybe I'll stop by once my food-and-water racket takes off, yeah?" He was smiling as he said it, but there was actually nothing funny about the fact that Jeremy Franco would likely control about 60% of the island's food and water supplies within the next few days.

Okay. One card left. And it's for, "Hey Jimmy Brennan! Look man, sorry about if I was a douche or whatever, that wasn't so cool on my part. I don't want any hard feelings, so how about you take this card and we maybe call it even?" Jeremy said all this, and he smiled a little sheepishly and he offered the card to Jimmy Brennan, because Jeremy was actually a pretty good guy deep down and he was all about forgiving and forgetting. So even though Jimmy Brennan had done Jeremy a great wrong, Jeremy was giving him a J. Franco and Associates business card with a personalized message. Which was kind of a big deal.

Jeremy Franco himself was also kind of a big deal. Hence why everyone was looking at him (reverently? Yes, probably reverently) as he waved goodbye, grabbed his bag and sword cane, and started making his way down the mountain. It was his first day on the island and it wasn't even dark yet. He had deals to make, he had alliances to form, he had rackets to set up.

He had an island to run.

(Jeremy Franco continued in This Scene Is About a Hat)

(Images of the backsides of the three J. Franco and Associates business cards- with personalized messages!- will be PMed to the relevant parties. Bear with me a sec.)