SOTF Archive/SOTF Classic

How had she never thought about how much taller Thomas was than her before? It didn't really matter, but she couldn't help but think on it as they put everyone else, the island itself, behind them for a little while. For her part, the door closing made her think of hectic days backstage, more of a comfort than anything else.

Being sat on the bed was... God, it was amazing not to have any more weight on her leg. She could cry.

"Yeah, we can. And 'm sorry I didn't go looking for you guys from the start."

Once they'd gotten an escape together, her friends would have been her next priority, but seeing them without that chance of salvation had just seemed too painful. Who wanted to see someone knowing it was the last time, knowing all moments after would be filled with terror and heartache?

Why hadn't she thought harder about what else seeing them would bring? Now she'd never laugh with Tristan again, and all the rest of them were on the same road to-

"I've missed ya. Now talk, I'm your captive audience."

A dry laugh, a wiggling of her toes, and a weak but genuine smile were Sakurako's gift to him. When and if Thomas had a seat beside her, she'd lean against him, a gift to herself. Hopefully he wouldn't mind, but the support of another warm body had been so comfortable during their long march.

Time went on and no words were exchanged between him and the girls. Sean coughed to himself as he sat there, unknowing of what to say or even where to start.

Lucily for him, he didn't have to when Aditi made the first move when a piece of paper was dropped on his lap before she went and sat down, eyes burrowing into him. It had read me written on it.

So out of nothing else to do, he obliged and started reading it.

There was a pause in his reading as his head craned down to read, but his eyes went up from the paper to the awaiting Aditi to the yawning Charelle back to Aditi then to the paper again and finally back to Aditi once more. This time, with a smile on his face.

"For real?" He asked in a whisper.

A short nod. A hint of a smile.

Brevity was one of Aditi's weak points. In debate club, there was all too often a focus on eloquence rather than substance, on sounding smart rather than actually being smart. Word salad punctuated by 'henceforth' and 'therefore' and 'thus,' transition words used as if whatever was being said had a destination or a point. Aditi always liked to think she was above such showboating. She liked to think of her arguments as direct, substantial. That's what she had aimed for, in writing the paper currently in Sean's lap, and it seemed to have done its goal. But, even her very inner thought processes were inclined to more rather than less words. She often justified herself in saying that she needed to think clearly, logically, precisely. In times like these, there was no room for ambiguity in what was being said, so if she needed a hundred more words to make her point exact, then so be it.

But, there were two considerations to keep in mind. The first was that she had to change minds, gain followers, quickly. So, that meant reaching out to the Sean's of the class, lowering down to their level, so to speak. Not many would be persuaded by a thousand-word treatise. So, a lot of the time she had spent on editing the speech was devoted to cutting down words, making it readable at a sixth-grade level. That seemed safe enough, in her opinion. More than half of Hunter High could read at that level, no?

Second was the terrorists. They were listening in, Johnny had said. The cameras littered everywhere had audio, if she recalled the news reports correctly, and Aditi and Charelle had wasted precious, precious words last night speaking out their ideas. Not that speaking could be phased out completely, that was impossible. But, there had to be more of a focus on one-word, two-word sentences, non-verbal communication. The itching was a start. She wondered to herself how she could introduce the tactile communication method without actually speaking about it.

For another time, perhaps.

There were now four followers in the room, and Thomas didn't seem to be too hard to convince. A welcome change of pace from just ten minutes ago, a step forward. Still, she looked at the bedroom door impatiently, her leg fidgeting. She had waited twenty-four hours for Sakurako. Even an extra ten minutes seemed unconscionable, at this point. But, still, she waited. Had to look calm and rational, after all.

"Show it to them when they're done," she said, gesturing towards the door.

Charelle was good at reading the mood, yeah? Observant, noticed things. So even though Aditi and Sean weren't telling her what was going on with them, Charelle could figure it out. Looked like they had another soldier to fight with them in the great Meme War against the terrorists. Charelle flashed Sean a quick smile and a thumbs up.

The plan was rolling. Now they just had to wait for Sakurako and Thomas to finish getting done with... whatever...

"Wonder what they're doin' back there, anyway." she said absentmindedly. "They aren't goin' at it, are they?"

Always good at reading the mood.

As Thomas took a seat beside Sakurako, he felt her body lean against his, which didn’t much help his heart racing in his chest and the feeling that his throat was as dry as the damn desert. This didn’t feel the same as just helping a friend who couldn’t walk. This was closer.

Deal with it. You have to just deal with it.

“So…” Thomas cleared his throat. “So, this is about the Lucas thing and how I’ve been acting, right? Yeah, it is. It’ll take a bit of explaining, but…

“When we started, it was Sean, Lucas, Desiree, and me. At the infirmary, where Desiree died, everyone kind of lost it a little, but I was stuck outside alone at first. I mean, I just heard a gunshot from somewhere and I didn’t even know what happened to Desiree at first and no one inside would answer when I called them.

“So, once I finally get inside and hear she’s dead, Desiree I mean, Lucas steps up and says I need to get out of his way, that he’s going. And I was so fucked up- I’m so upset and so mad at him for acting all arrogant, that I threaten him. I say I’ll shoot him if he doesn’t stay or leave his supplies.”

Reliving the moment through memory brought the anger, the frustration bubbling back. Thomas could feel his body tensing up.

“He called my bluff, of course and started insulting me and… I just got more worked up and I wasn’t thinking…”

Thomas paused for a moment, took a deep breath.

“I put the gun to his head. I didn’t kill him, obviously… but I might’ve. I know it was wrong. I knew it was wrong and I stopped and he left.

“So, of course I was stressed about telling my friend that I had some kind of psychotic episode and nearly killed someone.

“Well Sean and Princess knew, and I’d have to kind of think of Sean as something after being with him since the beginning and Princess was from theater, but it we - me and you - are, like close and stuff.”

At this point Thomas was rattling statements off, stream-of-consciousness.

“I mean, the other stuff - I’m not that good an actor, I’m sure you’re aware of it all - didn’t help much either.”

What the fuck are you talking about???

“T-That’s not a problem in and of itself. Like, I know you don’t think of me that way, and-“

But Sakurako had cut in before he could give the statement much direction.

"Hey!"

The outburst hadn't been something she intended, but there was something about what Thomas was saying that just-

"Okay, so you did a shitty thing to Lucas while you were shook up. I'm not going to absolve you of it, because I can't, but there have been way more awful...

You both walked away! No announcements, no bloodshed. Fucking up just makes you a fuckup, not a monster."

If only everyone could have been so lucky.

Her voice was a frantic whisper. It would feel so good to shout, but she didn't want anyone else knowing this side of her just now. Sakurako was hardly acquainted with the swell of disparate emotions making her feel so haywire herself.

"I don't know what way you think I don't think of you."

Did that even make sense? It was more important than ever to let Thomas know he wasn't alone, but she'd forgotten her lines, her cue. The wits she wore like the tightest cloak.

Did he think she'd cast him out for what he did?

Sakurako said that it was fine. Not only that, but when Thomas looked at her, she looked back at him the same way she might have done before, not with reticence or disappointment or fear, but as a friend. His mistake hadn’t changed that.

It was a relief, like things might return to some sense of normalcy, even though they were out here. But...

“Oh, well, uh, thank you for saying that. I guess I just built it up to be this huge thing, that you’d see me differently or something.” He gave a nervous laugh, hoping he could leave the conversation at that so that they might move to some sort of practical concern, or maybe just talk about whatever, but it was clear he had to address the new elephant in the room.

“So, you don’t…” He struggled to find the words, nervous smile still on his face.

Just fucking say it. You have to, at this point.

“Sakurako, I’ve had a crush on you for, like, I don’t know how long?” It came out more as a question than Thomas had intended.

“And that’s- I know you don’t think of me that way, you know, and I’m okay with it. You’re an amazing friend and I wouldn’t ever trade that away.” He nodded more to himself than to her. He felt like a complete moron and could feel his hands trembling slightly.

To have everything seem fixed only for him to have to smash it up again seemed ridiculously unfair.

This was high school bullshit, damn it! Why was he still getting caught up in personal drama when everyone desperately needed to be dealing with imminent threats of death. Part of Thomas wanted to storm out of the room, to be alone, but he couldn’t do that to Sakurako, not after the crap he’d delivered.

So he stayed.

"Everything is different here, people are losing their minds but... I get it. What room do I have to judge you when I wasn't there for you?"

Maybe she was being too soft on him. Maybe that was alright. For once, no harm no foul could be the rule of the day. Lucas was safe enough for now, and wanted to live at least for revenge's sake. Thomas was safe enough, and here, and Sakurako was so glad they were both still breathing.

He kept going, still nervous over a crush on.

On her, a.

Crush on.

Her, sitting here?

Girl Seventy One?

She blinked, tilting her head owlishly at him, taking a moment of silence for her brain to catch up. He didn't know how long he'd had a crush on her? But then, Thomas wasn't generally forthcoming with his emotions either. They had a whole language of banter to cover up talking about things like this.

"I don't feel like an amazing friend, but you thinking so makes me happy."

Friends let each other in, and Sakurako had never been able to let herself open up enough to share. Maybe if she had, this conversation could have happened back home.

Wait, he'd had to listen to her dance around her feelings about Zee for months! Ugh, how dense could she be?

"I love all you drama llamas so much, and that definitely includes you. You are already in my heart, Thomas, and I'm not sure romance could get us any closer."

“Thank you, again.” Thomas replied simply, not wanting to belabor the point of his fuckup too much. Sakurako had been kind and he didn’t want or need to push for more sympathy.

“And you are an amazing friend Sakurako. You are, you know- you’re one of the best people I know, so, yeah.” He believed every word he said, but they were still hard to come by and his face felt hot as he said them. “That’s going to be true whether you feel that way or not.”

The last bit of her remarks, the bit about loving her friends and romance or whatever, was just kind of confusing though? If she was trying to turn him down lightly, there were better, cleaner ways of doing so.

His stomach felt like it was tying itself up in knots.

“I’m… not exactly sure what you mean by that. It’s… We don’t need to address all this right now, if you don’t want to. I’m just happy that we’re here and okay. Well, as okay as we can be.”

With the last statement, a bit of lightness returned to Thomas’s voice and he tried to give Sakurako a reassuring smile.

Rushed whispers, occasional shouts came from the bedroom walls, as Sean, Charelle, and Aditi lounged in the living room.

"If they are going at it," Aditi replied to Charelle, "it doesn't sound like a good time to me."

She could allow herself a little snark. Seemed reasonable after how long she'd waited. After all, she hadn't signed up to be a background character in this gritty reboot of Degrassi, but, well, here she was.

She huffed, rolled her eyes, tapped her feet. Continued waiting.

It was understandable that he didn't understand what she was trying to say, besides the fact she loved her friends. That didn't mean she couldn't be frustrated about it. If you had to explain a joke it wasn't funny, and when she had to explain what was on her heart, Sakurako clamped down instead.

Would saying she was a little in love with all her friends, that they collectively made her day every day sound weird? Did mentioning her terrible habit of being attracted to all the most pigheaded popular people in school sound slutty? Romance wasn't even something that you could make sense out of, and for a moment she wanted nothing more than to put the talk on the table like Thomas suggested.

"Oh come on, you think we're going to ever get any more privacy again? I'm sure a certain someone out there's mad enough that I needed to sit down, let alone that we're talking about feeelings..."

In truth, there was no time for this. Every word, every breath, everything they were had to be bound to their ultimate fate on the island. She shook, barely able to keep still.

Well, fuck that! Fuck Danya, fuck Survival of the Fittest, fuck being incapable of finding the words to say "I don't know if I like you 'like that'. I would have loved the chance to find out, but there's no way it can happen unless you're prepared to start dating here and now. Even then, we're... look, I'm not trying to survive if it means everyone else here's going to die. I love being alive, but even more than that I can't stand falling in line with this horseshit."

Slowly, she lifted a hand to Thomas's cheek. Even more slowly, she turned to face him, adjusting for her bad leg.

"So..."

She looked as bad as she ever had after a day's march, more like a wet poodle than a teenage girl. They both smelled a bit, her lips were chapped, none of this was advisable, but what was correct and what was pertinent wasn't her business now. Degrassiness be damned, she was leaning up, hoping he wouldn't leave her hanging.

As Sakurako continued, speaking more clearly now, she seemed poised to deliver the answer he knew was coming, the practical solution. Even though he felt a bit of dread, Thomas was ready for that. Letting things like this linger could get distracting after all, and…

And then he felt her hand on his cheek.

She’d framed the matter differently, not based on a sense of practicality, but… rebellion? Moral victory? Thomas wasn’t truly sure what the perspective was and he didn’t have much time in that moment to piece it all out.

What he did know, seeing her leaning towards him, was that he wanted to do the same, even if the impulse was stupid or reckless.

And so, trying to forget for the moment all of the inevitability that seemed to surround them, in spite of the fact that he couldn’t stop the dumb expression on his face or the fact that his hands were shaking again, Thomas placed a hand on Sakurako’s lap and made up the distance.

"So..."

He gently closed his eyes and let his lips find hers.

As impulsive as she'd been since this game had started, kiss-kissing someone was different. They both had seen better days, but his mouth was still warm as she pressed hers against it. Angels didn't sing, no music played other than the rapid beating of her heart.

That didn't seem to matter in the least.

Oh...

Just the one kiss, tender and sweet. Just one taste of what a kiss could be, and she moved back the slightest bit, her mouth still near. Near enough to kiss again, this time brushing against the corner of his mouth.

Sakurako didn't have to ask herself if there was anything between them, her thumb brushing his cheek sent the message to her brain loud and clear.

So much warmth, so much trouble.

Doom was still creeping over her shoulder, but she wasn't paying attention to that specter. Thomas, good old Tomtom, seemed like a new person altogether to her weary eyes.

The kiss didn’t feel like some big culminating moment for Thomas, perhaps because he’d spent so long attempting to dissuade himself from thinking such a moment would come to pass.

However, he couldn’t help but think “Oh yeah, so that’s the reason people make a big deal out of that.”

His one, perhaps silly, desire was that things would slow down. Not for the two of them (Thomas was certainly happy to keep going at this pace), but for the people outside, the island, the whole world. He wanted more time for this, whatever it was.

Both of their faces lingered and they kissed again, Thomas moving more confidently this time, his hand caressing the side of her face, fingertips brushing aside some stray hair of hers. That was a smooth thing people were supposed to do, he thought.

As their lips parted once more, he stared into her eyes, perhaps the dumbest possible grin adorning his face.

Having gone through about four days of hell, Sakurako still looked as beautiful as ever, he let himself think. Maybe that was some idealization crap his mind was pulling on him, but for now he didn’t much care.

Deciding not to push his luck to hard, he simply whispered “I, you know, wouldn’t be opposed some more of that.” His voice felt surprisingly mischievous. He didn’t want to go back to reality just yet.

"Ah, there he is..."

The Thomas she'd known at school, less nervous and more sure. Sakurako was glad to see him again, and would have been glad to spend every day she had left just like this. The saddest thing was that they couldn't quite afford to forget their surroundings.

The most joyous was that they could multitask.

They talked, together, about the kind of plan that would be needed for their location to be discovered. They pondered, together, about how to supersede the collars looped around their necks. They ended up with swollen lips and mussed up hair, and in an inspired moment, Sakurako took off the necklace she'd worn since the start of high school and looped it around Thomas's neck.

Please return to, please return to, please return to Sakurako!

Eventually they worked out an actual plan together, one she hadn't wanted to bring up because of its cost, but there wasn't any recourse for it. As long as more than one person survived this farce, she would consider herself a winner, no matter if...

Thomas's lips were the last good thing she'd ever taste.

In agreement, they came up with Plan Z: Clout Gang's Last Stand. Clout Gang... ah, she'd hug Lucas if she saw him again. But eventually they opened the door, slipped the written pages to Aditi and let whatever the group wanted to say be said.

Hope and their certain doom held hands, fingers locked as tightly as Sakurako's to his.