"Though we may not survive it..."

[Cactus]

As he stepped back from the fresh corpse from what had once been Blaine Eno, Adam Dodd still shook with rage. He had never been in a rage this severe before, and the fact that he was still shaking was a testament to that. Ejecting the shell from the shotgun, he grabbed his knapsack from the ground before him, and reached over to grab the baseball bat. Replacing the baseball bat in the knapsack, he stepped back over to where he had dropped his pistol. He picked it up and placed that in his pocket as well.

It was at this point that Adam's temper began to simmer down, and it was at that poin that Adam found the harsh reality of what he had just done was beginning to hit him. As his mind adjusted back into the reality of the situation, he collapsed to his knees, dropping his bag, and his shotgun. His arm was bleeding, albeit not all that heavily, yet it was now beginning to throb with some intense pain. Yet the pain that he felt in his arm was nothing as compared to what kind of emotional pain he was beginning to feel - it was remorse, plain and simple, coming from a person who when they were created, was not created with killing in mind. Adam Dodd was not a killer, yet Mr. Danya and his sick, twisted game had unwillingly transformed him into one. As he fell onto his knees, he felt a numb sense, and he looked at his hands. It was at that moment that he realized what had just transpired, and that he had killed a person. Albeit, they had been attempting to kill Amanda, but nonetheless...

It was at this point in time that Adam Dodd broke down and began to sob.

~~~~

As Amanda Jones faded back into consciousness, her initial thought was am I dead? Yet the fact that she appeared to still be on the island, and still had a collar around her neck convinced her otherwise. As she struggled to pull herself up into a sitting position, she glanced around the area. The first thing that she lay her eyes on was the broken and bloody corpse of what had once been Blaine Eno, the boy who moments before had been about to kill her. It looked like he had been ripped apart...

It was the sound of uncontrollable crying that brought her attention to the right of the body. Several feet back...a boy, on his knees, crying into his hands, an ugly wound on his arm. She wouldn't have been able to tell who it was, if it weren't for the tell-tale Audioslave t-shirt.

Before she even knew what she was doing, she was dragging herself to her feet (her leg not helping her any in that ordeal) and limping over to the broken-down boy in front of her. As she did her best to stand in front of him, she quietly spoke one single word, yet it was enough to shake him out of his delerium.

"Adam..."

Adam looked up, his eyes red from the crying. The look on his face completely broke Amanda's heart. She knew, that if they did get off the island, life would never be the same for Adam Dodd. She knew, simply by the expression on his face and the haunted look in his eyes. As he looked at her, his tears stopped for a second, and he choked out a single sentence before Amanda stepped forward and embraced him, causing his sobs to begin again.

"I...I killed someone...oh god, he was going to kill you...and I killed him..."

Amanda held Adam close to her, feeling his body shuddering with untold pain and agony, knowing that he had taken a human life. She held him close, focusing all her energy on him. Yet in the corner of her mind, she couldn't help but wonder - was Madelaine okay? It seemed, however, that they would be able to stop looking for Adam though.

And this time, she would not let him go.

No matter what.

[LadyMakaze†]

As Madelaine herself would have described it after the incident, it was as though her mind had suddenly minimalized itself to the bare senses. As soon as she turned to check on Amanda only to hear the deafening crack ripping through the air like thunder, she had instantly lost all sense of feeling and emotion for the duration of the battle.

Everything seemed to numb over, from mind to body to skin. She felt like a camera now, a mere lens to the spectacle that was about to occur. A camera working live, capturing with video and audio, burning the vividness of image and sound into the surface of her memory like a drill.

If anybody had been watching her during this time, they might have noticed the glazed, blank look in Madelaine's eyes, staring straight ahead, lips slightly parted as though in a stunned trance. One might have described it as the effects of what seemed to be 'shell-shock'.

A lens could not feel emotion. A camera could not feel pain. All it could do was record what it saw and heard into an empty, blank log to be replayed again at a later date. And so, all she could do was watch, unable to react, as Adam pressed the barrel of the shotgun into Blain's neck and deliver the finishing blow that would end it all.

She heard the sound of explosion coming from the shotgun, but all it did was register a dull thud inside her mind, now numbed further. The world around her began to distort, turning slightly...she swayed in place for a moment, looking like an empty shell...

In the end, it was the sound of someone sobbing that brought her back to earth. Everything gradually became clearer to her, sharper, more vivid, as though some sort of invisible barrier around Madelaine was falling apart. It was then that her shock faded into something complicated, yet almost familiar...whatever it was, it was a painful feeling.

Unsteadily, she stood up, struggling to straighten her trembling form. She turned to watch the two of them together, Adam sobbing with Amanda holding onto him. She, herself, could do nothing. She struggled to come up with words, but Madelaine helplessly realized that nothing she could do or say would change anything.

In the end....Adam did what I could not. she thought to herself wearily. He killed a living being. It could have been me forced to pay the price. But now...

[Cactus]

It had to be a good five to ten minutes that there was dead silence in the River area, nothing to be heard except for the sobbing of an inwardly tortured, conflicted teenager who had; with the single pull of a trigger, shattered his entire system of morality in one fell swoop. Taking such time at this point could potentially be deadly, and Amanda knew this, but simply put - none of the three of them were physically or mentally able to go on, to catch up with the rest of their group at this point. She held Adam tightly, unwilling (or unable?) to let go of him. She knew at this point that the odds of any of them getting off of the island alive were slim to none, and if by chance she was able to escape, it was likely that Adam wouldn't. The same thing applied vice-versa. Amanda sighed. Glancing over at Madelaine, she saw the hollow look on the girl's face. Both of them had come rather close to death, but now that they had been saved, well...somehow, it just didn't feel any better.

Her main priority, though, would have to be wrenching Adam out of his hole. She knew that was where he was at this point - in an emotional black hole, where escape seemed impossible. However, she'd most definitely have to try and save him.

Just like he'd saved her.

Nudging him, she stared at him as he lifted his tear-streaked face to look at her. His eyes couldn't meet hers though, and the intense guilt in Adam's eyes was completely evident. As he looked up, Amanda took his face in her hands, and looked him straight in the eye.

"Adam, look. I know this is hard for you to understand, just because of what you might be feeling right now...but you didn't have a choice. Adam, you saved my life. You saved Madelaine's life. That boy would have killed us, and you stopped him. Do you understand that, Adam? You saved us."

At her words, Adam's eyes fell. However, feeling Amanda's rather cool hands on his face, he couldn't help but look up again. Another tear fell from his face, and he sort of shook his head.

"I...I didn't have to...I didn't have to kill him. I could have...I could have let him go..."

Amanda shook her head, and interrupted him.

"No. If you hadn't done what you did, he would have killed you, and then came back and killed us. Adam, you did what you had to do."

Adam shook his head, and blinked back some more tears.

"But how can you possibly even trust me after that? I just killed a person in cold blood...COLD BLOOD...he was on his knees and I executed him....I fucking murdered him...I should just leave you guys, you'd be better off without another murderer in your group..."

Adam began to tear up again, and buried his head in Amanda's shoulder once again. Helplessly, Amanda glanced at Madelaine. Sighing, she picked his head up from her shoulder and looked into his eyes again.

"Adam...don't you ever say that. You're not leaving. I won't let you. There's no way I'm letting you leave again. And why should I trust you? Why? You want to know why?"

Amanda stopped, and bit her lip as she formed the words in her head.

"...because I'm in love with you, goddamnit. I love you more than I love my parents. I should have said something before this goddamned game, but...but THAT is why I trust you, and THAT is why you're coming with us. Because I love you, and I can't stand to see you leave again."

At her admission, she felt like a gigantic weight had been lifted off of her shoulders. No matter his response, she felt so much better, and felt so much more...free. Such an admission would be something she hadn't expected to make, not with a third person there, not in such a situation...but she didn't care.

As much a prisoner as she was, she felt so free.

~~~

Emotionally, Adam Dodd was a mess. That much was certain, and was certain to anyone who even looked at him. So much conflicted emotion went through his head...so much doubt, so much self-hatred...

But wasn't that expected? Adam had, to put it bluntly, murdered someone in cold blood. There wasn't any sugarcoating it - the truth hurt, and this truth hurt more than Adam had ever experienced.

Yet it seemed to be an hour of truths, because as he was sitting, feeling sorry for himself, trying to seek solace in his best friend out on the island...another truth had been revealed that shocked him out of his misery. It was something that - truth be told, he didn't expect.

Of course, does anyone ever expect it when someone falls in love with them?

For about a moment, Adam simply sat - shocked. Amanda's revelation was one that he had always hoped was a reality, but now...now he didn't need to hope anymore. He mentally checked himself. What was the response?

What do you SAY to something like that?

He did a mental check. And then it dawned upon him. The whole time he had been wandering, trying to find his group...he had consistently been thinking about Amanda. Sure, he knew that he'd liked her from a while back, and yet he'd attempted to hide those feels, and simply pursue a friendship. But was it...was it really strong enough that it was love? Was it really?

He thought back to the events only moments ago. What he had said as he executed Blaine. When he had suddenly moved from the one area of the path to the other, and ran directly to this spot. When he had decided that he needed to find Amanda. Not Hawley. Not Madelaine. Not David. Not Hawley and the group. But Amanda.

Wiping a tear off his face, he was surprised as another one fell down. He looked at the girl, stared her straight in the eyes, and weakly smiled.

"...I...I think I'm in love with you too..."

He winced inwardly - WOW, could you not say something else a little better?, and stumbled over his words.

"What I mean...I...I've really been hiding all this time how...how I really felt...I..."

Adam was cut off though, as Amanda, who'd been holding Adam's tear-streaked face in her hands, leaned forward and kissed him. As he reciprocated, Adam couldn't help but think: Well, thank god...at least I can't make any more of an ass out of myself...

As they kissed for what seemed like minutes, Amanda suddenly broke away, her face red with embarrassment. Slowly, she moved her head and looked at Madelaine, who was still there.

"Oh, er...um...sorry..."

[LadyMakaze†]

In an effort to relax her nerves, Madelaine paced back and forth along the surrounding area, the event from little more than a few minutes ago replaying over and over again in her mind as a freshly burned memory. But this time, all she could feel was sympathy, for everyone involved: Blaine, who knew little better; Adam, who only wished to protect Amanda; and Amanda herself, who had witnessed the one she loved most killing another.

She bit on the crook of her index finger, feeling unsettled, unable to help but listen to bits and pieces of the conversation from somewhat afar. There was a sinking feeling in her chest. What will happen to the two of them now? She turned away from them while they conversed privately, secretly wanting the world to at least have mercy on those two, if no one else.

The world was cruel like that, and they were all living in it. But at least...the two of them were still alive, and as fate would have it, they managed to find eachother yet again. Given the circumstances...one could almost call it a miracle. Still...who knows what else could happen to them from this point on. Although Madelaine had made it a point to never give up on even the smallest bit of hope, she could not help but feel an ominous sense of forboding for these two.

And what in the world could Madelaine herself do for them both? Only watch them helplessly...

Remembering how the group was to meet at the Lookout point, she turned to remind the others, just in time to see Adam and Amanda with their lips interlocked in a kiss.

Gazing at them silently until they finally let go, it suddenly occurred to Madelaine that she was being rude. Turning slightly red, she looked away, hiding the side of her face with a hand.

At Amanda's apology, she could not help but smile.

She turned to face away from them, folding her hands behind her back placidly. In a calm voice, she told them, "I'll wait until you're done. Then we can meet Hawley and David at the Lookout point."

[riserugu†]

((Continued from: On My Own))

Passing through the growth of trees, and other such plant life Hawley soon found himself once again walking the rocks of the riverbed toward the area he had came from when David and him had left the girls. The pistol was still clutched tightly in his left hand, head bent down some as he kept returning to the thoughts running through his mind.

They aren’t your friends… they never have been. Never wanted to be…

As voices, familiar ones at that begun to grow over the sounds of rushing water as he continued along he lifted his head as he rounded one of the corners. Coming to find the sight of neither of the girls were dead and Adam with them though the sight of flowing blood cascading down his arm caught his attention somewhat.

Drifting his eyes off to the side, he found himself looking at the body of the boy they had saw at the lighthouse, Blaine. Blood was covering his a face, while it was had to tell from all the blood that had already been on there he could his shoulder was messed up as well, but no doubt what ended the boy’s life was the gaping hole in his throat.

Do you want to end up like him, because that’s what’s going to happen if you don’t take care of them now… take care of them while their busy with themselves.

Looking back over the group, he didn’t say anything… quite unable to think of anything to announce his present. And instead kept his spot, clutching the pistol but still kept his small smirk as he did, trying to lightly ignore most of the words his mind was spilling out… but still listening.

[Cactus]

Embarrassed, Adam's face turned bright red. As happy as he was about the fact that it finally seemed as if he had found love - what most people looked for their entire life, he was still embarrassed. Adam didn't generally show affection publically, and as such, didn't know what had really come over him. As he pulled himself to his feet, his arm gave him a nice little jolt of pain, where the wound was. He'd have to get Hawley or Madelaine to bandage that up for him. Wincing, he got up and turned around...and his gaze fell on a familiar face - one that he was quite happy to see. It was the face of Hawley Faust.

Sighing, Adam broke out into a large smile.

"Damnit, Hawley...am I glad to see you, you don't even know..."

Shaking his head, he extended his hand to the other boy, to his friend.

"How've you been? Still in one piece, I see...thank God for that..."

[LadyMakaze†]

Madelaine caught the faint sound of a new presence approaching them. Startled slightly, Madelaine's attention was suddenly averted towards Hawley, who had just emerged from a nearby cluster of trees. Letting out a relieved sigh, Madelaine waved to acknowledge him and walked over to him, looking over her shoulder again to check on Amanda and Adam.

"Hey, sorry...we said that we would catch up, right?" she told him, rubbing the back of her head with an awkward smile. She noticed the pistol grasped in his hand. Perhaps he had heard the gunshots and came back to check on them, this Madelaine supposed.

"Yeah...as you can see..." she looked over towards the rest of the group. "We found Adam. Even though..." Her voice trailed off unexpectedly as her eyes once again found Blaine's corpse.

Even though there's a price to be paid now...

[riserugu†]

As his presence took notice to the other’s there, he watched this all lightly though as both Adam’s lifted his hand to him, and Madeline approached him he found himself stepping back away from them the hand holding the fun lifting off his side somewhat.

All lies… they're all just lying.

As Madeline’s attention drifted off to Blaine’s corpse, he followed the look over to it. Gulping a little as he moved his finger against the trigger of the pistol slowly…

You’ll end up just like him.

Smirk returning he glanced off over to Adam, lifting the weapon into the air and pointing it toward the other redhead, two-toned eyes narrowing lightly.

“I’m sorry to say I might not be able to say the same about you…” He muttered lightly, voice taking on that air of deep hate for those around him and sorrow it had at the start of all this.

[Cactus]

As Hawley pointed the gun at Adam with what seemed like hate in his eyes, Adam couldn't help but shiver a little. What was going on? Hawley was...what he considered to be one of his closest allies, one of his friends out here...why was he pointing his gun at him like he wanted to kill him...?

The blood drained from Adam's face, the action of which caused his arm to bleed a little bit more. Adam's shotgun was on the ground a few feet away, and although he still had the pistol in his back pocket...he stopped. This was HAWLEY he was talking about here. This was his friend! They had been travelling together for days, and why...? Why now, was he pointing his gun at him?

"Hawley...dude...wh-what are you doing? What's going on...?"


Behind him, Amanda rose from her sitting position and tried to stand on her weakened leg. Thankfully, she found that she was able to shift a little and it didn't hurt as much as it had. Carefully, she looked at Hawley pointing the gun at Adam, yet didn't make a move. Hawley had to be joking, fucking around with them...right?

"Hawley, what're you doing? This isn't a very funny joke...Adam just saved us from Blaine..."

[riserugu†]

“This is very far from a joke…” He stated slowly, breathing in lightly as he kept his attention on the person who he was pointing his gun to, smiling only some as he went about answering Adam’s muttered words. “Please, don’t talk to me like we’re friends… I don’t have them, and I never will.”

The aim wavered somewhat as a shot of pain ran through his burn wounds, but despite it returned his aim to Adam's face. “And so I’ve finally took note that friends don’t exist in this place. No one can be trusted… no one, trust is just asking for betrayal when the end comes.” Hawley explained lightly.

“But yet still I let myself believe that you could be my friend, I let myself believe this. Because it’s something I’ve wanted, that I’ve always wanted was just to not be alone, to have friends. But I can’t, I never have I never will, even with my family they hate me… my own mother left me.”

Taking in another breath, he shook his head a little. “I let myself fall for it all… because of my fear.”

[LadyMakaze†]

Madelaine could only stare in surprise as Hawley lifted the gun to aim deliberately at Adam, uttering low, ominous words that made little sense to her. At first she was unwilling to believe it, thinking that it was all simply a sick joke on Hawley's part. But looking at the expression on his face, the hate and pain in his eyes, Madelaine realized reluctantly, though not wanting to believe it...that this was for real.

But...he had helped her, did he not? Amanda as well...But even more than just that, he had promised to help them escape this place. Furthermore, it seemed that he and Adam were allies since long before she had even met either of them.

And now...

No way...I don't believe it. I don't believe it at all.

Feeling a renewed sense of resolve, Madelaine immediately stepped forward to place herself between Adam and Hawley, right in front of the gun, closer to it than anything right now. But she no longer felt the fear of being killed. She lifted her proud chin and met Hawley's eyes with her own dark ones with an unwavering resolve.

"This is it, then?" she asked him in a cold voice that was almost harsh. "Right now, right here, you're finally giving up after promising to preserve all that you have left? Because of your fear, you're giving up all of that?"

"You once believed in friendship, I can tell. You believed in trust. That's why you helped us. And now you're throwing it all away. First helping us, now hurting us. And you..." Her voice became even harsher now.

"I can't imagine you're that weak. I can't believe that you would ever surrender like this."

[Swoosh*]

((Continued from: Girl #30: Awakening))

((Yoink! My cue to step in, methinks))

It had felt like he'd been running for days, when in fact it had only been a couple of hours. His endless search for Beth had so far come up with no matches, in fact he had seen no one since he'd left the makeshift hosptial. Although he felt a little guilty about leaving Jayne almost barricaded with some boy, fully armed and loaded, he really felt he had no other choice. Maybe after he'd found Beth, the two of them could go back there to see if she was alright. Hopefully she was...

Right now though, his main priority was to find Beth. But that was the problem. They were on an island with 30 or so kids all killing each other for reasons beyond Callum's understanding, and finding a single person, without seriously endangering oneself, was next to impossible. He'd covered a vast area of the island so far and to no avail, how was he supposed to find her?

He continued walking, lost deep in his thoughts, when he came upon a clearing. He looked up to see a boy aiming his gun at a girl...

...no, it couldn't be... Beth? This girl was certainly in trouble... she didn't match the mental image that Callum had of Beth, but that didn't matter, this girl was in trouble and needed his help, it was obviously Beth!

Filling up with rage, he lunged forward, swinging his brassy fist in the direction of the attacker's stomach.

"I'll never let you hurt her!!" he yelled, as he charged towards the attacker.

Don't worry, Beth... I'm coming...

[Cactus]

Adam couldn't believe his eyes, nor his ears. Hawley; the same Hawley that he'd been travelling with for days, that had shared stories about his family, that had listened to him as he detailed the experiences he'd had with his brother...it had seemed that Hawley had snapped. But what he was saying - to Adam, anyway, didn't make any sense.

"Hawley...why're you saying this...where is this coming from? You KNOW this isn't true...fuck, dude...what the hell has gotten into you?"

Adam still weakly looked at the gun pointed at him, and was shocked when Madelaine stepped in front of him. However, in his weakened emotional and mental state, Adam didn't make a move. He couldn't. Not now. As Madelaine spoke, Adam felt numb. This game was really bringing out the worst in people, all right.

Just like you...

Adam gave his head a shake. In the past few days, he'd seen people get killed in front of his eyes, found the body of his best friend, fallen in love, and killed a man. It was really an emotional mindfuck. he figured. Adam was surprised out of his thoughts when a shape came out of the bushes and attacked Hawley suddenly. Adam still couldn't move, he just stood there, feeling raw.

~~~

A few feet behind Adam, Amanda finally was able to move, and she picked up the shotgun. If Hawley really did intend to kill Adam...

...well, she wasn't going to let that happen.

[riserugu†]

Hawley gave a light look of confusion as Madelaine took a step in between both Adam and himself his aim still keeping even as she begun another of her talks similar to the one back in the house. Listening he closed his eyes sighed, dropping his arm back to his side.

“This is true… it’s going to happen whether we like it or not. We’re going to die here, I just don’t want to die because I thought I had friends but really they weren’t.” He said, voice dropping with each word,

“I took a knife to my throat before when I was left alone by so-called friends… I don’t want to die by the hands of one.”

Taking another few steps away, he shook his head lightly. “I’m so scared right now… All these thoughts, all this mess I have going on in my head that just won’t stop. It’s all picking at me; I just can’t take it anymore… I don’t want even of it to be true.”

And that moment he was about ready to turn around and just run from the scene, but a new voice entering the area and soon a flash of pain in his stomach halting those thoughts as the hit sent him stumbling backwards in an attempt to recover.

But as he did his foot caught one of the larger rocks sending him falling to the ground landing partly in the river itself while his gun bounced from his hand, landing a foot or so away.

[Swoosh*]

Callum couldn't feel anything but anger. Anyone else would feel bad about the fact that they just floored a guy with his fist, but not Callum. Satisfied that Hawley was staying on the floor, Callum crawled over and grabbed Hawley's gun. He wasn't entirely sure how to use it, perhaps he'd just use it to be threatening. For the moment, anyway. He aimed it at Hawley.

"Now tell me, because I'm curious here; just exactly what the hell were you doing pointing a gun at my Beth?" he growled.