Make Happy

[Sunnybunny]

Besides the stinging in her face and palms, any pain Sakurako felt was negligible. Some miracle of biology, who knew? What mattered... her. Her time. Not enough, never enough. The hoodie bracing her leg was undone, wrapped tight around her belly, black soaking up so much red. Not much need to walk around anymore, right?

Up and up and up, she rested her body against the cart. The bag she needed was close at hand, and any other in its way was tossed carelessly.

god was here, and her voice was nestled in her hands.

Justin wanted to live more than anything, anything.

She wanted-

Black at the edges of her vision, the chill in the air... fall had come early, it seemed.

Bracing herself against the cart, she lifted the Thomet, no- Naomi, and pointed high at a tree near enough to where Justin had been. Safety off, trigger pulled, oddly quiet to her ears but hopefully loud enough for Justin to understand the song.

He couldn't have this.

[Buko]

Had Ace just expected for Justin to get shot and die? Absolutely. Was Ace an idiot? No fuckin’ doubt.

Justin was just playing the game by the rules set out for them. And that was a true fact—since when had it become cool to get shot at and not shoot back? Justin Greene had been a nobody at school—he had nearly a dozen bodies to his name out on the island. He knew his way around a fight. Had learned his way around a fight. Somehow, someway, the chubby kid had tasted victory more than once. Excellence was a habit. It had become one for Justin out here.

It turned out, so was murder. Ace could relate more to that one.

Bullets flew. Whizzing by his person by some grace of God or some lack of grace from Justin. Greene sputtered and screamed and cussed. Saku fired her gun at his direction. Ace’s attention turned to her. Why wasn’t she moving? She needed to get the fuck ou---

Her fuckin’ leg is broke you dumbass! You been thinkin’ bout her tits so much—you forgot this chick could barely walk before the grenade! Fuckin—Shit! Get it together! Grow the fuck up! Do fuckin' somethin'!

Justin disappeared into the brush. Ace couldn’t see him any longer. His ears rang—all he saw was blood, all he smelled was smoke. It brought back memories of the confrontation with Quinn and how he had ran off and hid when he had let off the smoke grenade. Memories of Jackson—how he had just ran off as soon as he got his gun. Memories of Blaise, memories of Aliya…memories of Saku. So many times he had ran away. One step forward, two steps back…

This time he didn’t run away. This time—he ran closer.

“Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!”

His bag was slipped off his person and left in the brush. He rose up and he ran towards Saku’s cart, his pistol still pointing to where Justin had disappeared. His eyes darting, hoping for Justin to reveal his person once more or run the fuck away. He stood in front of Saku, he widened his stance, he closed his eyes.

"GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE!"

He didn't know if he was screaming at her or screaming at Justin. Maybe both. Beats felt like he wanted to live—but that he was ready to die. Definitely both.

[MK Kilmarnock]

Justin liked to think he was getting pretty brave out here, emboldened by the fact he'd lasted so long, survived so many encounters. Taken so many lives. And when he liked to think that a little too much, life had a funny way of reminding him just how much of a coward he really was. Somebody was firing a weapon. Justin was sure it was Ace, if the screaming afterward was any indication.

His mind drew back to another memory of his dad. This one, his dad didn't get a chance to go out and play golf much for real, what with the rigors of work and all. They weren't one of the lucky families who got to live in the gated community and go the country club, but Dad loved to golf and never let anything get in the way of that. So he used part of a paycheck to buy this virtual green and he could practice his swing in front of the TV. Justin thought it was pretty cool, even if he wasn't super huge into golf himself.

Dad had lots of videos too, about random old chubby white guys who played golf and then turned to the camera and told you tips to take a stroke or two off your golf game. "Remember", some guy who Justin mentally filled in the lower third as 'Lefty McPhearson' because the 60-something man looked like a Lefty McPhearson to him - "Remember, trees are 70 percent air... but never try to shoot through them."

Justin wasn't sure what percentage of air a bush was but he was also sure Lefty McFuckingPhearson couldn't tell him what to do as he struggled to load a magazine and take several shots through the foliage. Did they hit anything? Fuck if he knew. Fuck if he cared. He was getting out of here, scooting backwards on his ass if he had to... or crouching, as scooting aggravated the wounds on his rump too much.

((Justin Greene, continued in 7 Rings))

[Sunnybunny]

"I'M NOT LEAVING YOU!"

It was the truth, it was a lie, it was something she strained to shout without thinking as she adjusted her position. As she'd guessed before, Naomi was a little much for her to handle, and she'd knocked the cart over in an attempt to keep steady. Bullets flew erratically, but Justin wasn't someone she would ever fear because she knew, no matter how many lives he took-

Even as he'd already taken her life-

He was bitchmade, and would die that way, a day from now or years from now.

Her heart thrummed for reasons she understood and didn't know, she couldn't seem to catch her breath no matter how hard she tried. Thankfully, Justin seemed to have gotten the hint. She wouldn't have to die ignored by screaming idiot boys. But she would and she did...

Have to die. This is it for you, girl.

When she thought of death, she thought of Sean's disheartened tears and Thomas's desperate ones. The agony, the sadness they'd all shared. This couldn't be like that. Sakurako would meet them in the dark, but there was one last improv act in this show. She was, after all, a clown.

Because if she wasn't, people would dislike her.

Because that's just what made her happiest.

"Luuuucy!" Her voice was weak, but the put-on accent wasn't bad, all told. She'd put down the gun and folded her arms across her chest even though it ached. She was still pretty mad at Ace... or at least, some guy who looked like him wearing a shirt that matched the hat on her head. "You've got some explaining to do."

The leaving she understood, but she was clueless about why he seemed to want to protect her now.

[Buko]

Justin answered Ace’s instruction with return fire. Saku responded with a declaration. Justin missed his mark—Saku hit him right in the heart. His knees were shaking and his spirit pounded. Why’d he keep on doing these things? Why’d he fight to live if he was merely living to die? Why’d he do anything? For anyone or to anyone?

Because he fuckin’ felt like it.

Beats stood in his stance for a few moments and when it seemed like it was safe—he turned around to face Saku. Up against her cart. Hoodie in her lap. Looking tired. Exhausted. She stared right through him it seemed. Ace couldn’t tell what she was thinking and so he invented thoughts for her. He didn’t know what to say and so he said nothing at first.

He knelt down in front of her and tried to stay focused on her pretty brown eyes. She looked cute in his hat. She looked cute pretty much all the time. What had he said? Like a houseplant? Pleasant to look at but he never gave much thought to. He was an asshole. It wasn’t like that even if it was. It never had been. He was never so cool or so smooth or so mature. As soon as she gave him a little attention--he responded with the entirety of his. It was a pattern. It had been the same with Meilin and it had been the same with Ivy. He didn’t know what she was thinking and so he invented thoughts for her. Ace didn’t know what he was feeling and so he invented feelings for himself. If they felt real—they were real. It always was and would always be: fake it till you make it.

“Yeah,” Beats said weakly, “I s’pose I do.”

And what was there the explanation? What was the excuse.

“I don’t gotta good one,” he admitted, “I’m just doin’ what I feel like when I feel like it,” it felt super strange to be so honest, “I’m not thinkin’ ahead if I’m even thinkin’ at all,” he paused, “Maybe I was always like that or maybe it’s just how I am now, I dunno…”

Was that the best he could do?

“I’m sorry Saku,” there it was--that was the best he could do, "Just scared is all. Still am."

He took a deep breath.

"Did I get you?"

[Sunnybunny]

Scared huh? It wasn't a good excuse, but hadn't she known it all along? They hadn't been together because they were friends, it was just circumstance. Mutual use, more mutual attraction. You couldn't fault a bird for flying, especially when you'd appreciated its song.

"This place is scary. But you've got to start thinking ahead a bit, game's ending soon."

Mine even sooner.

As valid as her anger was at him was, she didn't want that to be the note this ended on. How many of her classmates had died in horrible ways out of their control? Even now, she was luckier than many.

Looking into Ace's green eyes, she took his hands in hers and motioned for him to sit with her. He'd killed since they'd seen each other last, but it wasn't her business. Just like the mostly fun time at the lake wasn't his. Spilling her guts now would just make things awkward.

"Nope! You've got two points in magically appearing to save me, and only one's been knocked off for ditching so you're still okay in my books, Beats."

It was hard to breathe, moreso to breathe slowly.

"Did he get you? It didn't look like either of you were... aiming."

[Buko]

Her hands were very, very soft.

“Nah, I wasn’t aimin’ much,” his thumbs danced in her palms, “I’m okay tho.”

Another breath.

“You’re okay.”

Beats was just talking. He didn’t know what he was really saying. Ace was just saying what felt right. Ace was just saying what he wanted--Ace wasn’t saying what he believed. Beats could end up believing anything he ended up saying.

“We’re okay.”

She had forgiven him, so it seemed. They had chased away Justin—together. What now? What was he trying to do? What was he doing?

“I wanted to live Saku,” Beats whispered, “But I don’t wanna see you die and stuff,” he felt tears come to his face, “I’m tired of seein’ people die and killin’ people and all that…”

But maybe he wasn’t so tired of it. Because it kept on happening. He kept on doing it. His palms were sweaty. His sweat felt cold. He wondered if she felt those same chills as he did.

“I’m so sorry Saku.”

[Sunnybunny]

"There's a song like that, right? If you're cool, and I'm cool, then we're cool..."

He was being so sweet.

It was breaking her heart.

Why couldn't anyone else in her life have just apologized?

"And we are okay. Maybe two days more and this'll be done. Just a little bit longer, so don't crack up on me yet. It's finals, but you've studied, and you'll pass."

Her hands were shaking, but she wouldn't let go of her tether, even though everything was starting to darken and slow. Dying felt like she'd been tossed in a hot air balloon, locked in the basket, and sent off. The ground was still visible, but barely.

"Winning's so scary to me. I don't want to be alone anymore."

No one else understood that feeling, but then, she didn't have the words to explain it. How horrifying it would be to live when they'd all died, her enemies and friends and randos she'd passed by the halls. It would taint everything, even this.

She wanted to keep from crying, but shutting her eyes might be for good, so she gave in. Lost the battle, lost the war, but still felt his warmth despite that.

[Buko]

“Hey…”

She was crying. Of course she was crying—and if she was crying, that meant he was crying too. Ace had sworn off half measures. He had sworn off denying his feelings or those ugly emotions rooted in self and selfishness. He embraced them instead.

“Saku…”

He rose a hand from hers and brought it to her face, wiping a tear with a large, rough hand.

“C’mon...,” he struggled to find the words, “Don’t…,” they still weren’t there, “C’mon.”

It would’ve been scary though? Being the winner—the last one surviving. There was a lot of pressure there. To live for you and to live for those who died. It was a lonely path meant to be walked alone. Ace thought he knew what lied on that road…Saku prolly knew it better. He took her words to heart and how they meant on the surface.

“If things didn’t end badly—they wouldn’t have to end at all.”

Beats took a deep breath.

“I wanna live,” another, “I don’t wanna see you die,” another—he was gasping now, “Let’s go, let’s just get the fuck outta here and make it till the end and like,” he didn’t know what he was saying, “Like,” he didn’t know what to say, “We draw straws or flip a coin or something…”

[Sunnybunny]

They weren't supposed to be crying now. She was supposed to be funny, strong just this once... but she just didn't have the energy for it anymore. If she couldn't laugh, she might as well be dead but Ace was making that a lie, wasn't it? His wiping her tears made her happy, and she'd never seen a genuinely smiling corpse.

"You come on, ya hypocrite."

She scrunched her face up, teasingly, though it likely looked drained.

"We'll play rock-paper-scissors. I always pick rock first, cause I like making the fist so you'll have the advantage but that's fine. If you win, I'll say goodbye to Papa and Mom, big sis, and Zen, then I'll swan dive off the waterfall like a champ. Even if we aren't at the waterfall cause the terrorists wanna be lame."

Sakurako was crying still, but grinning too. Somehow, that would be a dream she would have liked to live to see.

"But before any of that, in that moment after you play paper I'll congratulate you first."

Slipping a hand out of his, she took his cap off her head and put it back on Ace with a flourish. Tipped and- there, perfect.

"For being the first winner of playground games of the fittest."

[Buko]

She placed his hat on his head, she smiled that damn smile and she told a silly joke. It was wholesome. It was happy. It was her as he had known her. Teflon Saku. Standing tall even on broken legs. Smiling and laughing in the face of grief and death. Would take more than a grenade to slow her down. More than a couple bullets flying by to send her falling. Ace was a coward and she had courage. The same courage that Meilin had. The same confidence Ivy carried with her. Beats had been chasing those feelings in every vessel he could find them in. It wasn't Saku's fault. Beats was just desperate for a taste of whatever it was she had. Hopeful that somehow the strength of a woman could give him strength as a man.

“Well shit,” his voice cracked, “House and doctor were the games we used to play but now it’s real Jazzy Belle, huh?”

Ace shook his head. Saku was already talkin’ 'bout making it to the end and sacrificing herself for him. It made him feel good and worthy and it contrasted with all the guilt and feelings of worthlessness he had built up in eleven days. He responded to her joke with his own. Rap lyric for everything…at least Saku would get it. He thought. If she didn't get his jokes, she'd simply supply ones of her own. He admired her for that. Probably more than anything else, if he really thought about it. Granted, he had known her for only a small time...it didn't take a whole day to recognize sunshine. Rap lyric for everything. At least Saku would get the jokes.

“I’m sorry Miss Jackson, I am forreal,” he smiled a bit, “I dunno what the future holds and all that,” he nodded, “But I ain’t gonna run from it no more,” he swallowed, “I’m fightin’ to live, but I’m ready to die, y’know? If that’s the way it goes, I s’pose,” he didn’t know what to say, “That’s the way it goes.”

His hand stayed on her cheek and rubbed her face. Eventually finding his way to her mask. He pulled it down and noted her wounds. Shrapnel beauty marks. Beats didn’t really give a fuck. Ace was selfish. He wanted to live—he didn’t want to see Saku die. He needed Saku to die—but he needed to protect her too. He wanted to feel like a hero—he wanted to be saved.

Ace—wanted it all. Everything the light touched.

“We gotta get the fuck outta here in case he comes back,” he finally said taking a breath, "I ain't leaving you," another, “I don’t wanna be alone either.”

Ace was not thinking ahead. Ace was not thinking at all. He rarely was and that would have to change, Saku was right. Beats was just doing what he felt—when he felt like it. And whether what he was doing was right or wrong--the fact that he was doing what he wanted made him feel right. And right now? Right now he wanted to kiss Saku.

So that's what he did. Softly at first and then hard. Because he felt like it.

[Sunnybunny]

"Did you really just-"

Her laughter was loud, ugly, painful as anything with the bullets lodged inside her. Sakurako's body shook, dilated pupils taking in everything that Ace was, had decided to be to her. Right now she was both the luckiest and most unfortunate girl in the world, and part of her was sure she'd die like this, cracking up like an dope. The people that took her hands and chose to be her friend... all of them were just so fucking funny.

Pagliacci was sobbing, laughing, and having her mask tugged off. Her face was swollen on both sides, metal piercing one of them. It wasn't a pretty sight, but he didn't seem plussed at all. Idiot. Fool. Dummy. Talking about being ready to die, as if she could cope with the thought right now.

"Stick with living, if you can. Dying's super overrated."

Sakurako was greedy, and had wanted everyone to live.

Sakurako was needy, and snatched up every bit of affection she could have.

Sakurako was being kissed, swallowing her own blood, grasping at any part of Ace she could hold. He had the whole of her attention, and the lack of oxygen was worth it to taste him again, again, again. Enough to forget her cold extremities in favor of her still warm, barely beating heart. Blood from the hoodie wrapped around her stained his shirt, but she didn't realize it as lost as as she was in him.

Once the kissing stopped, however long that took, she leaned up and pressed her lips against Ace's intact ear. Mouthed something that was to be felt more than heard, for him. Slumped down against his body, ear pressed against his chest.

Hummed thoughtlessly, as her eyes slid shut one last time.

[Buko]

His lips were chapped. Her lips tasted like copper. There was a heat between them and a quasi-innocence that he sought within her that he couldn’t define. Ace, in many respects, was still a boy in the body of a man. It was time to kill the boy and let the man take control. No more second guessing. No more hesitation. No more wondering or doubting. If he kept on repeating those promises to himself—maybe he’d believe them. The lies you told yourself were the most dangerous. The ones that you ended up believing could be deadly. She whispered into his ear. Her breath was as hot as her kiss. He heard the ghost of a promise, the phantom of a proclamation, the confidence of a confession.

Then he felt it. The warm slickness of the blood. Then he noticed it. The clamminess of her skin. Then he heard it…her soft humming become fainter and fainter. Ace Beats had never been good at math, but this sure as hell wasn't algebra.

“Saku…?”

The lies you told yourself were the most dangerous. The ones that you ended up believing were deadly. Ace had thought that because he was okay—she was okay. Ace had thought because he hadn’t been the one to hit her—she hadn’t been hit. It was all coming together now. A rollercoaster stuck in the loopity-loop. Seeing Justin, seeing Saku, firing at Justin, protecting Saku, apologizing to her, kissing her, holding her….

Watching her di…

“I thought…?”

You thought what?

“You said…?”

You thought wrong.

“Fuck. Nah,” he lied to himself with a breathless whisper, “No fuckin’ way.”

A part of Ace wanted to run. A bigger part of him never wanted to run again. The bigger side one. Beats stood frozen with her head on his chest and his hand on her head, stroking and playing with her braids.

“We’re okay,” he repeated, “You’re okay. It's okay.”

[Sunnybunny]

"We're okay. I'm okay. It's okay."

It was weak, it was faint, it was nearly over. As she wound down, Sakurako could hardly hear anything but Ace's heart.

The steady beat of it.

There was something there, a half-formed joke for someone else to tell. Not her place anymore. It wasn't right, wasn't fair, but neither was making it this far in the first place. That was the way it went, right? Her voice cracked once more, then croaked out-

"Trip wasn't all bad, was it?"

Then there was silence, her heartbeat and breathing the only communication she could give him. It grew harder and harder to stay in sync, and soon the fight was too much for one person to bear.

By letting the class whittle each other down, the world had rejected them. All their potential, hopes, and dreams.

That was okay now too.

Sakurako didn't need anything else from this world.



29 Students Remain

[Buko]

It was impossible to describe. When Meilin had died, she had been too far away to really see in the moment. When he had killed Parker and Myles—he had shot them in the back. Lori in the dark. When he had found Aliya she was already dead. When he saw Jackson, he hadn’t yet passed. Garren hadn’t let him get near Ivy. Ace had encountered a lot of death. Beats had taken part in his fair share of fighting and killing.

Ace had never held someone as they took their dying breath. Beats had never felt someone’s spirit leave their physical vessel.

“Saku…?”

No answer, but he wasn’t expecting one.

“This is fuckin’,” he held her close, “Fuckin’, goddamn it,” he felt his eyes sting, “Fuckin’ bullshit! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!”

All he was reduced to was cussing. The BR-18 was against his side. The pistol he had fired at Justin cast aside. Two more pistols in his shorts. Saku in his arms. The corpse formerly known as Sakurako Adina Jackson. Ace had kept his tears in for a long time. Since he had buried Ramsey. He had grown past that now. Angry, hot streams of lava streamed down his cheeks and burned his soul.

“Two more days,” he whispered to himself, “You said ‘bout two more days,” he whispered to her, “I can do it Saku. Nothing is promised, nothing is guaranteed—but I can do it,” Beats was ranting and raving, “I can’t come up short Saku. I won’t come up short. So many people have died, so many people have died for me,” he held her limp body closer, “I’m fightin’ to live, but I’m ready to go.”

Beats let her go.

“I didn’t wanna watch it happen to you,” he laid her down, “I wasn’t ready to watch you die,” he scoffed, “But fuck what I want anyway, right? That’s never really mattered. It ain’t ‘bout what I want to do,” he nodded, “It’s ‘bout what I need to do.”

Ace got up, he stared at her body, he tucked his hat down low.

“I’m so, so, so fuckin’ sorry Saku.”

Had he been the one to shoot her? He and Justin had exchanged so many shots. Ace had his eyes closed. He had been the one to shoot at Justin knowing she was right there and could get caught in the crossfire. Beats hadn’t been thinking about her much. Even in his effort to protect her—he wanted vengeance against Justin as well. It didn’t matter if his bullet had done the deed…he was culpable in her death. She still kissed him anyway. She still died lying to him. Saying that he was okay. Meilin had done the same before she had died, in her own way. Ivy had decided that a night with him was worth a lifetime of friendship—and she had lost her life because of it.

Saku had spent her last moments trying to bring comfort to Ace. Forgiving Ace. Lying to Ace. Saying that she was okay. Saying that he was okay. In the end, it didn't matter if he had been the one to shoot her or not.

In the end, he took that blood soaked hoodie and threw it over her prone body. Beats put her gun on her chest, because he didn’t need it and she was a soldier and deserved a soldier’s burial. What she ended up with was much less. But she had ended up with Ace and so that was a pattern, wasn’t it? Ace didn’t bother taking any of Saku’s supplies. He didn’t pillage through her cart or loot her corpse. He didn’t need to. He didn’t want to. It didn’t feel respectful. So he didn’t. He stumbled to the brush and picked up his duffel bag. He went back to her body and picked up the pistol he had discarded.

“I’m gonna win this shit,” he said to himself, “I’m gonna make it home and honor us all,” he said to her, “And…I’m gonna fuckin’ murder Justin Greene.”

He swallowed.

“Bet.”

Beats flipped the brim of his cap backwards, he put his pistol in his waistband, he gripped the BR-18 while letting the weight rest on his shoulder.

“See you at the crossroads,” he turned around, he wiped his tears, "Hopefully no time soon."

[ Ace Ortega Continued In: you can plan a pretty picnic but you can't predict the weather ]

I'm gonna disappoint you, y'know?
Yep!