I Don't Wanna Be Myself

[Primrosette]

Adonis had actually gotten a bit bored as they had all been standing there awkwardly for like a minute or something like that and he decided that he should put the chainsaw away for a while. He shoved the chainsaw into his dufflebag that was hanging off of his shoulder and then he made sure that the sharp part was sticking out as he didn't want a hole in the bag or his or Marco's supplies. He wondered if he could even approach the others and-

He glanced up as he heard a splash and a yell. He noticed that it had been Declyn's voice that had been shouting and he was suddenly feeling all tingly inside. This was his chance to do what he wanted for fun, right? He wasn't going to hesitate as Declyn was farther back from the others and Adonis felt himself lunging into a run towards the green-haired boy. Ignoring as his body's injuries were protesting against his sudden use of activity once more and he reached out for the other boy from behind. There was no way that he was going to let him go.

Adonis now had Declyn in his grasp and he covered Declyn's mouth to stop him from screaming. He shuffled backwards as he could feel the other boy struggling in his grip and Adonis was just thankful that he was a lot stronger than Declyn. He then felt himself breathing against the skin of Declyn's neck and he didn't care if he was manhandling him anymore. He just wanted to have Declyn all to himself and he knew that he was being a selfish jerk for taking Declyn away from his friends.

He disappeared into the woods with Declyn and a cruel smirk never left his face.

((Adonis Cohen and Declyn Grayson-Anthis continued Eau-de-Nil))

[Jan de Witt]

Theo shut his eyes instinctively when he realized what Diego had been doing, not wanting to see the violent consequences of Diego's decisions. When he sensed Camilla rushing towards the others though, he got up to stop her and tell her she was being reckless, that they didn't understand the situation and should avoid worsening it. But he was too late, and his words had no effect. Seeing no other way to stop her from joining them, he reluctantly followed.

Tentatively, Theo approached the scene, careful to stand outside of anyone's reach, but still close enough to make sure he could see everything. He stood at the edge of the water, almost paralyzed by fear, but too afraid of being left behind to stop. He watched and waited for an opportunity to help safely, but none came. He weakly cried "Stop!", almost too quiet He tried again, more loudly this time, and hoped desperately that someone would listen.

[Polybius]

He wasn't as fast as he'd thought.

The asshole caught him before he could bring the can down. There was a sharp pain in his arm, and he could see flecks of red fly into the air.

Billy immediately stepped back, cradling his arm. This was new- he'd had scrapes, both before and during this hellish experience, but getting sliced with a fucking sword was really on another level. He winced as he kept his arm close to him, examining the thin, dripping gash that snaked down his arm. He'd need to bandage it quickly.

The whole time, of course, the grip in his hand didn't falter. The can of pepper spray was his one weapon, the only thing keeping him from being a sitting duck to every wannabe Rizzolo out there. He wasn't gonna lose it.

He looked up, forcing himself to reconnect with his surroundings. Distraction could mean death, after all. Diego wasn't on the pier anymore. He was thrashing in the water. Seemed like his attack wasn't a complete failure. Camilla had run to the side; Billy locked eyes with her, and she gave him a look of... he couldn't tell what it was. It wasn't judgement or approval, anger or happiness. It was just... a glance. And then she dove into the water.

Camilla was trying to save him. Trying to save a killer. After all this time, after all these deaths, she was risking herself to save someone who'd very likely stab her if given the chance. Billy didn't get it. Really, he'd thought all of the naive people would have died by now, but Camilla had somehow slipped through the cracks. He couldn't help but feel a little resentful.

Billy stared at Diego's thrashing. Then it dawned on him. It was gone. He'd lost the sword.

Billy put in the can in his bag. He took a deep breath, then he jumped in the water. It was cold, and his wound seared with pain. He immediately wanted to get out, or to scream, but he suppressed it. This chance was too important. He let himself gently fall downward, and he opened his eyes. The sword had to be somewhere close. If he could just find it and grasp it, things could become so much better. For once in this stupid game, he'd have some power. But all he saw was gray, and his eyes stung too much to keep them open for more than a second. He tried feeling around randomly, his arms flailing aimlessly in the water. God, if he could see himself... he must have looked like an idiot.

Billy had to come up for air eventually. When he couldn't take it anymore, he instinctively swam to the top. His head breached the surface, and he let out a gasp. He got nothing but pain for his efforts. Typical, right?

[Maraoone]

Before he fell, Diego caught the disappointment in Cam's eyes. And so, for a moment, when someone leapt into the water to drag him out, Diego didn't grab hold. He deserved to stay underwater, he thought. And then the next gulps of water entered his lungs, salt scalding and tearing apart his throat, and he was immediately dispossessed of that notion.

He surfaced with a gasp, and then coughed and coughed and coughed, air seeming so hard to obtain all of a sudden. He still couldn't open his eyes, he was effectively blind, and it felt like his face was melting off, and maybe it was, so he immediately reached for his face, grabbed his cheeks, pinched it, and found solid, uninjured flesh.

Once breath found him, he pointed in a random direction, hoping Billy would be there.

"Fuck you."

Another deep breath, fire in his eyes and skin and lungs, a turn to where Cam might be.

"Where's"—cough—"Cam, where are"—cough—"I'm sorry, where's Dec and Theo and Dr- where are they?"

[BlizzardeyeWonder]

She had reached out for Diego in the water, and for a moment nothing happened. A sinking feeling struck Camilla, telling her how reckless it all was. Luckily though, Diego grabbed hold, and Camilla clung to him in turn. Without the thrashing- well, as much of it anyway- it was just a bit easier for Camilla to drag the two of them to shallower water to breathe, doing her best to keep Diego's head above water as she did so.

When she found solid ground beneath her feet, she kept walking along it as the surface of the waves sunk below her. She could hardly open her eyes. Her first instinct was to rub them, but she couldn't let go of Diego.

And then the first thing he said out of the water was "fuck you". Seemed lively enough. Was it directed at her? Surely it couldn't be, right? Diego didn't hate her. Right? Well there was pepper spray guy, it was probably his insult to take.

He asked her a question. She spoke softly.

"Dec and Theo are at shore."

The water was up to her waist- surely, Diego would be able to find footing here.

She hugged him a little tighter, for a moment.

"You're safe now," she assured him, as she set him down. Once her hands were free, she rubbed her eyes.

[Jan de Witt]

As Camilla returned, Theo eased slightly, cautiously wading into the water. Glancing briefly at Camilla to make sure she was as safe (at least as was possible in the situation), he nodded to Diego. "Are you alright? Did he hurt you?" More out of habit than sincerity, he beamed at Diego. "We're safe now, don't worry."

Looking back towards the other boy, still thrashing, he sighed. "We should probably get going."

Raising his voice, he shouted in the general direction they had come from. "Declyn! We're leaving now!" But Declyn neither returned nor replied. He tried again, but still nothing came. Theo suddenly felt sick, his stomach churned as he considered the most likely option: had he really just left them?

He suddenly felt sickened by the idea of such a betrayal, even as he struggled to find other explanations. He looked to the others for support, for a reassuring reminder of their mutual loyalty to each other, but his suspicions were already hardening into certainties. "He couldn't have just left us, right?"

[Polybius]

Billy hefted himself back up onto the pier. It shaked as he pulled himself up, and for a moment he thought he might lose his grip, but it stayed still long enough for him to push himself up and get his knees back on the pier. He sat there, catching is breath. This was a real disaster, wasn't it? He had no idea where the sword was. Diego and his dumb friends were off in the distance, walking to the shore. Hopefully they would just leave. Hopefully they didn't feel like coming back for revenge.

He opened up his bag. The water hadn't seeped through, everything still seemed to be in good condition. At least he had that. Though maybe if he had left it on the pier, it would've have been easier to swim...

His eyes drifted across the pier. There was a bag still here. Labeled B083, Diego's bad was just sitting on the pier, seemingly forgotten by its owner. Billy opened it up; it had everything he could expect - food, water, medical supplies... it wasn't what Billy had wanted. But Hell, he was taking it.

[BlizzardeyeWonder]

Camilla's hand dropped to her side, and she looked around.

There's Theo, coming over to join them, and there's De-

No. He wasn't there. Declyn wasn't there. He-

Theo called to him. There was no answer. He brought up the possibility of Declyn just leaving them- except it wasn't a possibility. She felt a little shocked that Theo thought it was possible at all, because Camill knew Declyn. She wanted to believe that, anyway. But she had to believe it and it had to be true.

Maybe Camilla didn't know Julien. Maybe she didn't know Diego- at least, not as well as she thought. But she knew Declyn. And Declyn wouldn't just leave them.

"No, he-" she started, looking around again, just to see if she just missed him while her vision was still a little blurry. No signs. "-he couldn't. He wouldn't."

But it didn't change the fact he was gone.

But not gone for good. Not yet. Hopefully.

"We have to find him," she quietly declared, taking a step forward- but then she stopped.

Diego, he was pepper-sprayed wasn't he? It would take him some time to recover- time they could spend looking for Declyn. But would it be right to leave one of theirs behind for another?

Declyn wouldn't want that. Right? She knew him.

Camilla stepped back, and and put an arm around Diego.

"Let's go," she said softly, before walking forward once more.

[Camilla Bell continued in The Bells Toll For Our Funeral]

[Maraoone]

The first words that greeted Diego were lies. He wasn't safe, he couldn't be safe because Billy was right there. He had expected a confrontation, he had gotten a confrontation, and the instigator was right there, he was right there. But Cam pulled him into his arms, lied to him, and he wanted to pull away, he felt that he should have, but he didn't. He limply remained in her embrace for the moment it happened. Saltwater dripped from his eyes, indistinguishable from the ocean.

Then the moment, like all moments, ended, and Theo shouted to Declyn, and no response came. He had seen Declyn the last time he had seen anything, and now he was gone, said Cam. They had been together for a second, and they had not been afforded another, so they had to reclaim that time somehow. And they somehow included Diego. Let us go find him, let me and you and Theo go find him. It felt too easy. They were supposed to ask him why he'd done what he'd done, and Diego was supposed to not find an answer, and they were supposed to shout at him, reject him, try to kill him like Billy had, but they hadn't, and it all felt too easy, and he didn't deserve it.

But he had never had the bravery to refuse any goodwill he didn't deserve, so he let Cam drag him away.

((Diego Larrosa continues in The Bell Tolls For Our Funeral))

[Jan de Witt]

Theo braced himself unconsciously as he waited for someone to escalate the situation, to force the other's hand and turn tension into hostility. But it didn't, as always. There was no altercation, and Theo simply stood, embarrassed. When Camilla finally approached, Diego in hand, he turned away in embarrassment, ashamed of his inaction. He only looked back when Camilla spoke once more, not with hatred or disappointment but with a quiet determination.

He felt vaguely reassured by the decisiveness of Camilla's response. It sounded hollow, as any promise made here had to be, and yet, the very act of promising was, in its own way, a reminder that even if nothing could be made certain, she would certainly try. He opened his mouth to promise the same to her, but he doubted he would actually do anything of the sort, so he closed it again and simply smiled gratefully. With one last look to make sure that Diego's attacker wasn't following them, he followed the others away.

(Theophilus "Theo" Walterson continued in The Gang Goes Out for Breakfast)

[Polybius]

And like that, they were gone. Camille and her buddy had left, dragging the little murderer along with them. He wished them good fuckin' luck with that.

He laughed to himself. What a mess this was. Diego was still kicking and Billy still didn't have any real weapons. Now he was just soaked and bloody. God, Camille was probably thinking he was the psycho. At least he'd gotten some more supplies - the extra bandages would help with his cut, and the extra un-drugged bottles of water were welcome.

He kneeled down, shifting through his loot. Maybe he should've felt a little guilty, but... nah. Diego's killing of Mike was murder, Billy was certain. Mike had been his teammate in the old days, and Billy really didn't think that the dummy had it in him to turn bad. And if he had? He would've wiped the floor with the twerp. Diego must have been the aggressor.

So fuck him. Thanks for the stuff, asshole.

((Billy Trevino continued elsewhere))