sweeter than heaven and hotter than hell

[Fenris]

This would have been very funny if there wasn't a real possibility of it leading to her death.

Ivy watched, and waited. It wasn't as though she had much of a choice, like she was being given an opportunity to speak, and it was all very familiar. Not that she'd been in this particular spot before, the closest she could remember was Connor glaring daggers through her after she spoke to Bret at the post-prom party, but this whole conversation was following a script. She'd participated in more than a few breakups over the years. Who cheated on whom was premium gossip, a nuclear code primed and ready to be used against anyone who moved against her, and her bluff had been called more than once.

She liked to watch. It was so textbook, every time.

Maybe being directly involved should have added some gravitas to the situation, but only the inherent danger of it kept her from laughing out loud. She kept her mouth pressed in a tight line, looking down at them, they felt like they were miles away. The slap barely fazed her, another line in the script they always followed, and when Meilin turned toward her it was all she could do to keep her lips pressed shut and keep did you copy that directly from Riverdale or did you have to improvise a bit in her mind and not her mouth.

This hadn't been what she was afraid of. She was afraid of tears, she'd been afraid of a loving reunion that she'd be stomping all over, she was afraid of suddenly becoming an intrusion, unneeded, unwanted, she was afraid Ace would hold her and tell her everything was okay and Ivy would be left to collect her things and leave without so much as a second thought.

It was all over, either way, unless it wasn't. Meilin was angry. Meilin wanted to yell and scream and stamp her feet over the injustice of it all and Ivy still had a chance. Meilin couldn't replace her if she didn't want to, anymore. She was only a threat if she cared enough to bother.

She wished she'd never come here. It would be better if she hadn't come here. For all of them, herself included. Meilin would have died happier if she'd never found Ace, and Ace had to know that, now.

Meilin went for something and Ivy's heart leapt into her throat for a moment, just a moment, too quick for her even to react before Ace pressed his hand down on hers and stopped her easily. She exhaled, eyeing her things. There were still good reasons to run. She didn't.

She listened.


She was wary, still, eyes flicking back to Meilin, waiting for her to pull away, to make some kind of move. Lord knew Ace was giving her every reason to.

God, he was practically suicidal, wasn't he?

Her heart swelled in just the way it shouldn't.

[BlizzardeyeWonder]

She pulled her wrist away.

What was she thinking? This wasn't her.

But... maybe that was the point.

Maybe they all died on the bus- this wasn't them. Their class wasn't full of murderers, not back in DC.

She dropped the haladie.

Ivy seemed frozen. She supposed that mean I really am just a heartless sociopath who has no reaction to anything if it doesn't involve me getting more power. But she hoped Ivy wasn't always like that- she died back on the bus too.

"...I'm sorry."

Ace died too. The real Ace wouldn't stab her in the heart like this, and the real Meilin wouldn't try to put a knife to his throat.

"I'm not who I thought I was either. I- maybe that's the point," she rambled. "We- none of us are who we said we were. It- it-"

Pretentiousness permeated their relationship. She thought they'd be above all the pitfalls of high school sweethearts, and she was wrong wrong wrong to think she'd ever find happiness like that because she more than anyone should know that these relationships were merely dreams. She had to accept they'd end- that's what she did with Lucas. Accept it would be over because he was a confirmed player and that wasn't what she truly wanted, deep down. Yet, she couldn't do that for Ace.

"...I was stupid..."

She wiped away the tears as they came.

"Not cry-cryi- no, no."

She cried anyway. She kept wiping those tears away anyway.

"I was so, so stupid."

They all were, but she would never say that. Not after what she just did.

"I'm stupid for thinking I was any better than you. And stupid for thinking I could find happiness when I'm just a dumb teenager like everybody else, and..."

She gulped.

"...and I was stupid for-"

For?

"...everything. I'm stupid, boring, just as cookie cutter, and-"

She turned away. Her back to Ace and Ivy, she tried to make her crying as quiet as possible.

"...so, so stupid..."

[Buko]

“Mei…”

He whispered, desperate pleading.

“C'mon...,” he felt himself like choke up, "It ain't like that, you know it ain't."

What could he say?

“It’s not your fault Mei...”

His hand found her shoulder, she couldn’t look at him and he couldn't bear to look away. He didn't want this. He didn’t want to hurt her. Seeing her cry broke his heart and knowing that he was the one who broke hers made him feel lower than low. His cheek still stung.

“Don’t be like this, please.”

[Fenris]

And then her heart deflated like she always knew it would.

Of course she could only hold onto hope for a moment. It was the most selfish hope she could have held, that the one person Ace had desperately searched for would abandon him as soon as they'd found each other. It was what he deserved though, wasn't it? He didn't deserve Meilin, did he?

What did that make Ivy?

It didn't matter. Meilin's anger had turned to tears in a moment and he'd melted in return. Ivy might as well have vanished. It had been stupid to believe in any other outcome.

They didn't turn when she moved toward her bag. The toothpaste and toothbrush were Ace's, they were hers, now, the smallest thing she could take from him that he couldn't get back, that felt good in a way it shouldn't. She couldn't move quickly. The bag slung over her shoulder threw her off balance for a moment, she had to catch herself. She hadn't carried her own things a single time since the first day. Her side pulsed. She wouldn't make it far. She knew.

It didn't matter. She could go anywhere, so long as it was away. She needed him. It didn't matter.

Four days were nothing.

She headed for the door.

[BlizzardeyeWonder]

Meilin just watched Ivy as she walked to the door.

With every blink, her vision seemed both clearer and more waterlogged. Her breaths deepened, slowed.

She had only just registered Ace's hand on her shoulder. It probably would have been the wisest decision to swat it off.

What was stopping her? It couldn't be love. Love didn't exist at GHHS, much less on this island. It was probably just regret.

Did Ace regret? Or did he just regret getting caught?

"Like this?"

Her question was choked by the remnants of tears.

It wasn't like she could just say whatever she just thought, but that was exactly what she did back at school, exactly what lead to her outburst at Ivy. An outburst that did nothing. Because Ivy was a heartless monster. No, no, that was wrong. She wasn't affected because it wasn't the sucker punch that Meilin meant it. To Ivy, such insults were everyday life.

It was kind of sad, really. And Meilin had added to it.

So much for being above it all.

Ivy's lack of reaction still irritated her on some primal level- what even was the point?

She felt like breaking something, but there was nothing to break but her own ego.

[Buko]

He didn’t know what to do or say and that was pretty much the story of his life.

Ivy hadn’t said anything and Meilin hadn’t looked at him. He had messed this up and he had messed it up bad! This was on him—and also this was complete and utter high school bullshit! They couldn’t afford to focus on this! Their days were numbered! But whose fault was it anyway? That wasn’t important.

Conveniently enough.

Meilin continued to cry, his hand left her shoulder and went to his side. He had never played this game, not in high school and he couldn’t be learning the rules out here. Everything was happening so quickly and snowballing so big…

Then Ivy went to walk away, well, she tried to—limping and slowly trudging to the door.

“You just leaving now? Really? Like, can't I put out one fire at a time and shit? I know I'm the one who lit the match, but fuck! Look where we are! Let's cut us all some slack!", he finally shouted, "Ivy, Mei, c'mon, like, I dunno, just, y'know, like, c'mon."

He was resentful at Ivy for even daring to leave in the middle of the argument--he hadn't left after Wyatt showed up. She couldn't give him the same courtesy?

It always had to be about Ivy, huh?

Of course it did.

She was such a drama queen, he knew that, he hated that—but he couldn’t let her leave. It would let him fix things up with Meilin, maybe, but then what? Waiting to hear Ivy dead on the announcements. She couldn’t defend herself, she could barely walk without wincing. She would die out there and he’d be responsible, for letting her go, for choosing Meilin over her. That’s what Ivy probably wanted. Him to feel guilty over her and resentful of Meilin--she was such a bitch. He hated how much he knew her. He hated how much of her humanity he had become aware of and yet he felt special for seeing beyond her charades. Even when he hated her, he admired her and her defiant responses to her own vulnerability. She was bad and perfectly good at it. What Lola wanted, Lola got.

I feel like I’m livin’ a fuckin’ Wale song right now.

“Look! Let’s all take a step back! Please! We can’t be fighting now, especially now! None of us wanna see anybody here dead,” he didn’t know what to say, it never ever stopped him before, “Let’s just relax, five minutes, let’s just chill and breathe and cry it out and slow it the fuck down! Cooler heads will prevail and all that! We all need each other, being out here alone is suicide! Let’s just,” he breathed in deep, "Chill. Five minutes."

What did he say Day One? Find his teammates, find Meilin, lay low and chill—he had found most of his teammates and now he had found Meilin.

He was just following the only plan he had.

[Fenris]

She could have kept walking.

She could have just said "no" and not turned around. She wanted to. It felt good, imagining it. Her defiant departure. Her tossing her hair as her only response. High school. Getting the last metaphorical word mattered so much more than anything else, didn't it? Recovering scraps of pride and sculpting them into something she could hold onto. Just stopping, standing still, was a concession to the days they'd spent together, the pain in her side all the more noticeable without the distracting rhythm of walking forward. Dropping her bag would help but was a step too far. It was fine. He couldn't see how her breath shook from a distance.

He was right though, wasn't he? He was wrong in so many ways, Ivy could list them off, she wanted to, it felt good, imagining it, but he was right in the one way that mattered. Being alone was suicide. Walking out of here alone was to give up the single thing that had kept her safe up until now, or at least given her the illusion of safety, which might be close enough to the same thing, here. Logically speaking, she was safer with him than without him. Even now, even shifted down his list of priorities. Even though she'd be waiting every moment for Meilin to stab her in the back, literally or otherwise. It was still better than being alone.

Anything was better than being alone. Wasn't that why she'd gone so far?

She could turn back around, still. Ace wanted her to stay. If he didn't care he would have shut his mouth and kissed his girlfriend and let Ivy walk out of his life forever but he didn't. He didn't. He cared, still. Some part of him did, anyway. She wasn't just a replacement, she couldn't be, if he didn't want her gone the moment the real thing arrived. Right? It would be awkward, of course it would be awkward, and she'd be watching her back around Meilin forever, and she knew, of course she knew that if it came down to the two of them—

It was never just about what was logical.

Maybe she'd just wanted someone to pretend to love her one more time.

That was over. It had to be. He could still care but he couldn't care the same way and that was stupid, this was all so stupid, it had been barely any time at all, none of these feelings were real or meant anything at all, she was overthinking, he was her bodyguard and he couldn't be that anymore, not really, and that was what mattered but it wasn't and she hated him for it. She let herself have that for a moment, it burned in her throat, she wanted to scream at him. She wanted to do something.

It felt good, imagining it.


"I can't," she said, her voice as small as she felt.

"I can't do it."

I'm sorry, she didn't say, because she was, but not in the way he'd hear it.

She opened the door and started walking before he could change her mind.

She knew he could.

>> Ivy Langley continued in The Tower

[BlizzardeyeWonder]

Despite Ace's pleas, Ivy left. Meilin knew she would. She would run from a situation the moment she didn't have any power in it, that was just the kind of person she was. No, no- Meilin had become a much worse person. She used to believe the best in people.

This whole situation was a hell tailor made for her- a place meant to bring out the worst in people and shatter all her idealistic delusions of truly knowing anyone she once called a friend.

She was an idiot to think friends existed at GHHS. Not when scum like Ivy and Wyatt and all those other shitheads were around. And she should have learned from her previous relationships- she gave them whatever they could have wanted, even sex when she learned that was a thing, attention, affection, yet two of them still cheated on her.

Maybe youth was wasted on the monstrous.

Meilin didn't want to say anything. She'd stopped crying and she just wanted to bask in that.

Yet she had to say something, didn't she?

"...you still haven't put on a shirt."

[Buko]

It didn’t work.

Of course it didn’t.

She really left.

Of course she did.

And he didn’t know what to do—to follow her or stay, to stop her or let her go. So he did nothing and yet even then he knew that was making a decision disguised as indecision. Fuck Ivy. There was a rap lyric for everything and even if they didn’t try some women tested men, Common had said that once or maybe Nas, it sounded like some shit Nas would've said. Some women didn't need to try to be seductive or tempting. Except Ivy always tried—she was never subtle when she wanted something (or someone) and she had wanted and needed him for three days. He liked that. Too much.

Even if they didn’t try, some women tested men.

And Ivy for sure was a test that was bigger than him.

When she left he felt equal parts resentment and relief. He half expected Meilin to follow but Mei stayed—of course she did. Mei was good…he didn’t deserve her but he didn’t deserve a lot of what life had given him thus far. Why take the bad shit he had coming to him and reject the good? That wasn’t how karma worked.

“I, uh, don’t really got one,” he responded to Mei, “I took off the one I was wearin’ day one and left it where we was at, y’know, because drugs…and like…me and shirts in general.”

He looked down at his bare feet and then went to his duffle bag, opening it up and pulling out his white cotton tank. Muddy and damp still from the day before. He slipped it on and then went back to Mei, this time he was facing her.

“My clothes are really wet, that wasn’t like, a lie.”

[BlizzardeyeWonder]

Ace put on a shirt, such as it was.

Meilin was reminded of how she felt on that first day- waking up and realizing her life was all but over, and she just had the misfortune to linger on. Of all the times she had to remind herself that nothing lasted forever, this was the time she faltered.

It was all Ace's fault, wasn't it? He gave her hope, maybe some guy really did want to spend the rest of their days with her and maybe for once she wouldn't be counting the days until it was over. She had gotten so comfortable in that new luxury, she did nothing but flail when it was taken from her. To add insult to injury, it was a luxury she never even had in the first place.

She stared blankly at him.

Yesterday night she had somehow found herself full of hope- well, not really. It was more like finding a partying spirit at the end of the world. But pride cometh before the fall. She had laughed in the rain, content with her lot in life, for a precious moment, and looking forward to seeing a loved one.

Hope, that springs from hopelessness- a hole, that's first dug by hope.

With a sigh, she went and sat down against the wall. She slipped the flower crown off her head and held in her hands in front of her, her fingers pulling at the petals, never enough to tear them off but always threatening to.

[Buko]

And he was a fool to try and think everything would just be okay with Mei. He had cheated on her and broken her heart and shattered whatever safety net she had out here. It was hard when your girl didn’t believe what you said and the sins of yesterday kept being made fresh by his mere presence.

She went to the wall and sat against it, he followed her and sat beside her.

He wanted to apologize a thousand times, but what good would it do? He had done Meilin the most wrong here. He wasn’t thinking about her getting hurt nor did he give a fuck who saw him and Ivy. He had humiliated her on film. He had met her brother and shook her father’s hand and had her mother take pictures of him, in a kilt of all things. He had done Meilin wrong. The girl who in some vague way had been the subject of every cheesy poem and song for the last two years.

“You don’t gotta stay either, I want you too, you gotta believe me…”

But he wanted her, needed her. He had been speaking about himself earlier as much as he had all three of them. He couldn’t be alone either, the last three days had made that obvious.

“But I’d understand if you felt you couldn’t trust me and you needed to go,” he felt himself choke up, “I…it’d be a tough lesson but what I deserve and shit.”

[BlizzardeyeWonder]

Meilin supposed she'd have to weigh the pros and cons of forgiving Ace in a situation like this- the way she'd acted would get her killed. But anything she did could get her killed. What was the point? Well, she had to really consider all this because- well, it was complicated. Did she want to forgive Ace? Yes and no. See? It didn't help at all.

So, she had to think carefully about this.

Pros: Nothing.
Cons: Nothing.

...she wasn't doing this right. Pragmatically.

Pros: An ally.
Cons: An ally? That's what we're doing now? Was she back in grade 11 accounting where she had to sort accounts into assets and liabilities except it's on death island now she's doing it with people like they're words on an excel sheet?

Maybe she should ask her heart except it got her in this mess in the first place.

Still, staying angry was exhausting. Hell, she couldn't even say she was properly angry anymore.

"I'll stay," she muttered. She had no better place to be, yet it was still the worst place she could have been. Every outcome from the moment she walked back through that door would be the worst outcome.

"Look, if we're gonna die, I'd rather not be worked up about high-school-bullshit while I'm getting shot at."

[Buko]

He could’ve cried. He did a little.

His hand found hers and he squeezed it and he quickly kissed her on the cheek, once again taking comforts he didn’t deserve. He wiped his tears with his free hand.

“You’re a good person Mei,” he whimpered, “Better than I deserve.”

He nodded.

“No more bullshit, just forward, together,” he said with more resoluteness, “You got my back, I got your back, you go to war, we go to war together. No bullshit, promise.”

[BlizzardeyeWonder]

Meilin squeezed Ace's hand in return.

Could she really say it was against her better judgement?

No bullshit he said. No more, at least. There was nothing that said she could trust that- well, it wasn't like he lied. Not for long. Not directly.

Four days- who knows how many to go? As the numbers were whittled down, there'd be less and less room to do something like- well-

High school bullshit. There wouldn't be time for that. Everyone who still cared would be dead by the hands of the people who cared more about going home.

"Together," she whispered, with a nod.

What she did next was definitely against her better judgement- a kiss on the cheek, in return.

[Buko]

"Now I know this Meilin thing is serious.”

Ace glared at him…

“More serious than whatever you’re doin’ here with my mother.”

He thought about his father and mother, never married. Who was he to have judged his father? He was wrong for that, for not letting him be human. He wished that he could ask him for advice. He could imagine that it would be ignorant but heart felt. He wanted to go home. This never would've happened if he was at home.

It would just be bullshit if it had happened at home--out here, who knew what it would mean? Would Meilin ever truly forgive or trust him? Or was that a lie she was telling herself until she didn't need to. Would she be resentful and jealous in silence until she snapped and slit his throat or cut off his balls in his sleep? It wasn't like that, but what if it was. It wasn't.

But what if...

He let go of her hand and brought his fingers to her hair and played innocently with a twin tail twisting it a bit. It was child like, pure, it felt nice. Like old times a little.

Catharsis thy name was Meilin Zhou.

"Let's just stay here for a bit, then we'll go."

And they did.

And then they gathered their stuff and left.
[Ace Beats & Meilin Zhou Continued In: I'm only satisfied by the finer things in life like Rodarte and Margiela and making boys cry]