Dancing wasn't his thing anyway, and he merely looked on as the song played on. It didn't feel like a dancing song, anyway, and he didn't know the lyrics, so he might as well let the ones who enjoyed it have their fun.
And besides, their fun was infectious enough, and he found that he had a stupid grin on his face by the time they were done, one that almost made up for being left out of things.
--
Sleep was a thing that was hard to come by but somehow he'd gotten several hours of it that night. In fact, he'd managed to wake up without his back aching or his legs screaming, or the million other things that had assailed his sleep these last few nights.
Now if only he hadn't managed to wake up at what looked and felt like 3 am in the morning.
Jordan continued to lie there, staring up at the ceiling, wondering what on Earth he was doing.
It was weird how much fun it had been having these last few days.
How he was here laughing and talking and there were people dying outside. There were people dead right outside the door and he had helped put them there.
If he was in school he would be worrying about his finals grades, about that one play still missing everything that wasn't the opening three lines, and a silly monologue, Jacob bugging him to try out a new game or something, and a million other tiny daily worries that had seemed to stop existing for just a little bit.
And yet, it wasn't a good feeling.
Somehow they seemed to loom even larger now that he could do nothing to try to deal with them. There were ways to deal with each and everyone of those worries, and he had plans, little ones, but still plans for most of those. Nothing long term, nothing really bright, but they were there and he was going to tackle his own problems at his own pace.
But now they would be tacked on to the list of problems that would never be solved, along with perennial favorites such as why people had to be such dicks for half their lives.
A sob from beside him.
Was Hazel crying? It sounded like it, and yet it seemed like she was sleeping soundly at the same time. Was it a dream? A nightmare? Some vision that would strike astonishment into the heart of angels?
He couldn't know.
Hazel didn't ever want to show how much things hurt her. He could almost count them, the myraid half-lies that she had told. But he couldn't force someone to be better. To be happy beyond all reason. But she'd let it show once, and now twice and now all he could do was wonder how much more she was suffering than he could ever see, than he could ever imagine.
His hand moved closer to her, unsure if he could or should do anything to help.
He didn't need to decide.
She grabbed his arm, clenched it tightly, tighter than he remembered from when they had first met Alex. It almost hurt, but he couldn't bring himself to wake her up.
She was muttering something, some things he understood and more that he didn't but one name stood out from the rest. He didn't want to have heard it but he had and he could only wish that he hadn't.
He still couldn't understand. He knew, but he could never understand.
He didn't understand any more than he had that day, even though they were sharing a room with a murderer now. The first two murderers that they had met had barely felt like people to him now, more so as they started to fade into memory. Carciatures of what a murderer was meant to be. But Jeremy was different. And yet, Jordan didn't want Jeremy to be different.
If Jeremy wasn't different from Alex, if Jeremy wasn't different from Jay, that meant that-
He had moved slightly, and Hazel seemed to stir at that.
"Sorry." The words were so quiet, that he wasn't sure if she'd heard them. "Go back to sleep."
She looked at him for a brief moment, confusion clear in her eyes, then he guessed she realised what she had done, and she let go of his arm with a quiet apology.
He went back to sleep too after that, feeling just a little emptier.
--
Morning arrived and the moment that they had all been dreading arrived.
Junko was dead, confirming absolutely everything and nothing. Jeremy looked shocked, as if he didn't believe his name would be read out loud on the announcements, as if they'd somehow forget him out of everyone on the island who had killed yesterday.
But they hadn't and he couldn't understand why Jeremy would ever be shocked by something so obvious.
Nancy and Alvaro were dead too. Other names too, Astrid, Maria, killer or not, nice or not, more dead classmates joining the ever growing pile.
A real surprise came at the end though, Jeremy's name again, but it wasn't another death to his name. Not that getting nominated for "Best Kill" was much better.
What did the terrorists mean by best anyway? Goriest? Most dramatic? Did they have stupid voting systems like the Oscars? It was almost nonsensical, really.
Jeremy wanted to get his award. He didn't care, really. There was food, anyone would want to get it. And maybe some part of him wanted some of that food too. But he wasn't about to tell Jeremy that.
"I guess." Jordan replied.
Jeremy simply told them to meet on the far side of the bridge. Wait. No he'd said west hadn't he. Which way was west? It was on the bridge at least. And it wasn't as if it was all that far. They'd work it out when they got there.
Jeremy left after that, and it wasn't long before he was out of sight from the door.
"So, how much do you think we can trust him?"
Jenny From the Block
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randomness
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Ruggahissy
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After a bit of goofy dancing, the trio turned off the music and presently all were asleep. They all slept in the same room and they'd moved a table in front of the door for good measure.
Hazel settled into an uneasy sleep at first, moving around and trying to arrange her bag as a pillow in a way that wouldn't push the collar up into her neck. The area they'd chosen was quiet and the small space was cozy. The only thing she heard was the gentle breathing of the two boys. She relaxed and fell asleep.
In the middle of the night she began sleeping more fitfully. Hazel rolled over and grabbed someone's hand. Tears picked up in the corners of her eyes and fell sideways down her face.
"-n-Jae" she half-whispered.
Han-Jae, her father. He left her and her mother so long ago she never knew what having a father was like. She was two months old when someone abandoned her for the first time and it felt like it never stopped. Hazel had gotten so used to it that it wasn't surprising anymore and she told herself that it didn't bother her. Charlotte, her second mother who nearly raised her, left for Florida just as she was becoming a teenager. Hazel couldn't expect someone to choose her over a better life, but it still hurt.
Hazel knew that she was full of affection, but that she wasn't selective enough and that had endangered her other relationships with her girl friends. She couldn't stand the thought of losing them too.
Hazel thought she found the one who would stay by her this time. This time for sure. But she was wrong as usual. Cue price is right losers' horn.
In the dark, her dreams were of never having the feeling of a "dad." Someone you go to who you feel like will take care of the problem and make things right, someone who makes you feel safe. Someone who makes you feel loved. In regular life his absence didn't bother her much because you can't miss something you never had, but right now it would have been nice to have a memories of strong arms giving a bear hug and she had none. The very first person to ever leave her.
Hazel woke, feeling slightly queasy. She opened her eyes sluggishly and saw she had her face buried in Jordan's arm, which she was clutching for dear life.
"Sorry," she whispered, embarrassed. Her fingers loosened and dropped. Hazel hoped she hadn't woken him up. She rolled over, and tried to go back to sleep.
Morning had molded the boys into shape. From her place laying on the floor she could see their blurry figures sitting up. She woke up halfway through the announcements and blinked a few times before rousing herself. She was had gathered her wits just in time to hear that Jeremy had won a prize.
Hazel rubbed her eyes and nodded as Jeremy left departing instructions.
She scratched her head. Her scalp was really oily and gross. None of them had had a bath in days.
Jordan brought up the obvious question once enough time had passed that Jeremy wasn't going to bust through the door going "Sorry, forgot my essential chisel!" She didn't really want to answer him, but it wasn't a talk they could put off.
"Well....I think we can. We've slept with him more than once. If he wanted to kill us, I think he would have already done it, right? Unless he's using us for cover, like if we run into anyone else then he can say 'No, I'm cool and for sure not dangerous. Just ask my friends here.' Then again, it sounded like that announcement and what he told us line up. There wasn't much choice for him. Then again, AGAIN, why was he hanging out with Alex when we found him?"
She said it all somewhat slowly, trying to work out the question for herself as much as Jordan. Hazel bit the end of her index finger, deep in thought.
"What do you think?"
Hazel settled into an uneasy sleep at first, moving around and trying to arrange her bag as a pillow in a way that wouldn't push the collar up into her neck. The area they'd chosen was quiet and the small space was cozy. The only thing she heard was the gentle breathing of the two boys. She relaxed and fell asleep.
In the middle of the night she began sleeping more fitfully. Hazel rolled over and grabbed someone's hand. Tears picked up in the corners of her eyes and fell sideways down her face.
"-n-Jae" she half-whispered.
Han-Jae, her father. He left her and her mother so long ago she never knew what having a father was like. She was two months old when someone abandoned her for the first time and it felt like it never stopped. Hazel had gotten so used to it that it wasn't surprising anymore and she told herself that it didn't bother her. Charlotte, her second mother who nearly raised her, left for Florida just as she was becoming a teenager. Hazel couldn't expect someone to choose her over a better life, but it still hurt.
Hazel knew that she was full of affection, but that she wasn't selective enough and that had endangered her other relationships with her girl friends. She couldn't stand the thought of losing them too.
Hazel thought she found the one who would stay by her this time. This time for sure. But she was wrong as usual. Cue price is right losers' horn.
In the dark, her dreams were of never having the feeling of a "dad." Someone you go to who you feel like will take care of the problem and make things right, someone who makes you feel safe. Someone who makes you feel loved. In regular life his absence didn't bother her much because you can't miss something you never had, but right now it would have been nice to have a memories of strong arms giving a bear hug and she had none. The very first person to ever leave her.
Hazel woke, feeling slightly queasy. She opened her eyes sluggishly and saw she had her face buried in Jordan's arm, which she was clutching for dear life.
"Sorry," she whispered, embarrassed. Her fingers loosened and dropped. Hazel hoped she hadn't woken him up. She rolled over, and tried to go back to sleep.
Morning had molded the boys into shape. From her place laying on the floor she could see their blurry figures sitting up. She woke up halfway through the announcements and blinked a few times before rousing herself. She was had gathered her wits just in time to hear that Jeremy had won a prize.
Hazel rubbed her eyes and nodded as Jeremy left departing instructions.
She scratched her head. Her scalp was really oily and gross. None of them had had a bath in days.
Jordan brought up the obvious question once enough time had passed that Jeremy wasn't going to bust through the door going "Sorry, forgot my essential chisel!" She didn't really want to answer him, but it wasn't a talk they could put off.
"Well....I think we can. We've slept with him more than once. If he wanted to kill us, I think he would have already done it, right? Unless he's using us for cover, like if we run into anyone else then he can say 'No, I'm cool and for sure not dangerous. Just ask my friends here.' Then again, it sounded like that announcement and what he told us line up. There wasn't much choice for him. Then again, AGAIN, why was he hanging out with Alex when we found him?"
She said it all somewhat slowly, trying to work out the question for herself as much as Jordan. Hazel bit the end of her index finger, deep in thought.
"What do you think?"
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randomness
- Posts: 236
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She did realise what she was doing with her choice of words, right? His brain wasn't just making that up, right? Was it just bad phrasing, or did she mean anything more by that?
He looked at her, hoping to see a sign of it being a joke, but none came, he only felt increasingly disquiet.
"I don't know, it's a mess, really."
She was right, he could have killed them if he wanted to. So he didn't want to kill them. Probably. But that still didn't mean they could trust him, there were so many ways you could hurt someone without killing them.
And Alex. He was with Alex, a thought half-forgotten in the jumble of days that had passed since they had last saw him. He'd thought of Jeremy as a killer at first, hadn't he, lumping together with Alex. And somehow he had been right, even if only after the fact.
"My gut says no, but I want to trust him? He's not the kind who'd... yeah, but, part of me says to watch out, I guess. I mean, just because he's not lying right now, doesn't make him one hundred percent reliable. But then another part of me says that I'm being a jerk for suspecting him because all he did was defend himself."
A sigh. It wasn't as if there was any way he could intepret Jeremy's actions based off four sentences. It just served to show how little he actually knew Jeremy. They'd talked, they'd argued, but Jordan still had no idea what made him tick.
"I really don't know, but I don't want to treat someone badly when they don't deserve it."
He looked at her, hoping to see a sign of it being a joke, but none came, he only felt increasingly disquiet.
"I don't know, it's a mess, really."
She was right, he could have killed them if he wanted to. So he didn't want to kill them. Probably. But that still didn't mean they could trust him, there were so many ways you could hurt someone without killing them.
And Alex. He was with Alex, a thought half-forgotten in the jumble of days that had passed since they had last saw him. He'd thought of Jeremy as a killer at first, hadn't he, lumping together with Alex. And somehow he had been right, even if only after the fact.
"My gut says no, but I want to trust him? He's not the kind who'd... yeah, but, part of me says to watch out, I guess. I mean, just because he's not lying right now, doesn't make him one hundred percent reliable. But then another part of me says that I'm being a jerk for suspecting him because all he did was defend himself."
A sigh. It wasn't as if there was any way he could intepret Jeremy's actions based off four sentences. It just served to show how little he actually knew Jeremy. They'd talked, they'd argued, but Jordan still had no idea what made him tick.
"I really don't know, but I don't want to treat someone badly when they don't deserve it."
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Ruggahissy
- Posts: 1593
- Joined: Mon Aug 13, 2018 4:13 pm
Hazel looked up from her thoughts to see Jordan giving her a look somewhere halfway between shocked and embarrassed. She sat up and moved her hair behind one ear, positioning herself cross-legged on the floor between some of the vines that had crept into the tower. Outside there was the faint chirping of morning birds.
She thought back on what she said. Her whole face became pink and she leaned forward to punch Jordan lightly on the arm.
"I mean we've been sleeping in the same room as the guy!"
She settled back into her sitting spot and realized she'd been a bit too loud considering people with bad intentions could still be around.
"You perv," she added much quieter with a half-smirk.
Hazel calmed back down and flopped into her sleeping position to consider Jordan's thoughts on the matter. She was still a bit tired as if she hadn't slept well. Hazel buried her face in the bag she'd been using as a pillow and sighed after Jordan's sigh.
"I want to sleep more," she said into the bag. It didn't seem like a great idea. It was daylight now, and more likely that people were moving around the island again.
"I don't know what 'kind' he is. I want to trust him too, but I think it's best to be on our guard just in case. Even if we can trust him now, we might not be able to later. He might change.....we better pack up. We've got to meet up with him."
Hazel started stuffing things back into her bag and zipped it up. She took a brief look around the room, but it didn't look like there would be much that would make for a good makeshift weapon. She stood, took the chisel Jeremy left and stuffed it into her back pocket. The CD player was still on the table. Hazel picked it up.
"Ready to head out?"
She thought back on what she said. Her whole face became pink and she leaned forward to punch Jordan lightly on the arm.
"I mean we've been sleeping in the same room as the guy!"
She settled back into her sitting spot and realized she'd been a bit too loud considering people with bad intentions could still be around.
"You perv," she added much quieter with a half-smirk.
Hazel calmed back down and flopped into her sleeping position to consider Jordan's thoughts on the matter. She was still a bit tired as if she hadn't slept well. Hazel buried her face in the bag she'd been using as a pillow and sighed after Jordan's sigh.
"I want to sleep more," she said into the bag. It didn't seem like a great idea. It was daylight now, and more likely that people were moving around the island again.
"I don't know what 'kind' he is. I want to trust him too, but I think it's best to be on our guard just in case. Even if we can trust him now, we might not be able to later. He might change.....we better pack up. We've got to meet up with him."
Hazel started stuffing things back into her bag and zipped it up. She took a brief look around the room, but it didn't look like there would be much that would make for a good makeshift weapon. She stood, took the chisel Jeremy left and stuffed it into her back pocket. The CD player was still on the table. Hazel picked it up.
"Ready to head out?"
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randomness
- Posts: 236
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A sheepish grin crept across Jordan's face at her reaction.
"Of course you didn't."
It was weird how easily conversations could turn from serious to light here. But humour was good. It kept thoughts away from the little things, from the thoughts that should be all-encompassing, thoughts that would consume people from the inside out. They would trust Jeremy until something happened. That's all they could do.
"We'll just hope he doesn't."
There wasn't much to pack though, the supplies in the bag were starting to run thin, though he did leave some of the wrappers inside the bag, just to make it more comfortable as a pillow.
That left the chisel and CD player that Jeremy had left on the table, both of which Hazel scooped up and pocketed.
"Are we really taking that along? I thought we were going to toss it. But, yeah. Ready."
It didn't matter even if she took it along, but they really need to? Still, he wasn't about to stop her if she insisted. Besides, they needed to go to the bridge. Jeremy might even be waiting already.
((Jordan Green continued Where Will You Stand When the Flood Comes?))
"Of course you didn't."
It was weird how easily conversations could turn from serious to light here. But humour was good. It kept thoughts away from the little things, from the thoughts that should be all-encompassing, thoughts that would consume people from the inside out. They would trust Jeremy until something happened. That's all they could do.
"We'll just hope he doesn't."
There wasn't much to pack though, the supplies in the bag were starting to run thin, though he did leave some of the wrappers inside the bag, just to make it more comfortable as a pillow.
That left the chisel and CD player that Jeremy had left on the table, both of which Hazel scooped up and pocketed.
"Are we really taking that along? I thought we were going to toss it. But, yeah. Ready."
It didn't matter even if she took it along, but they really need to? Still, he wasn't about to stop her if she insisted. Besides, they needed to go to the bridge. Jeremy might even be waiting already.
((Jordan Green continued Where Will You Stand When the Flood Comes?))
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Ruggahissy
- Posts: 1593
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Hazel smiled.
"No, I wasn't planning on bringing it with us. The party will live on past us.....until someone finds it and turns it off I guess."
Hazel pressed play on the CD player. She situated it on the floor of the radio control tower and strategically covered it in the vines and undergrowth so that it was hidden, but blasting pop music at full volume. She straightened up and made her the strap of her bag was securely on her shoulder.
"Ok, let's go."
((Hazel Jung continued Where Will You Stand When the Flood Comes? ))
"No, I wasn't planning on bringing it with us. The party will live on past us.....until someone finds it and turns it off I guess."
Hazel pressed play on the CD player. She situated it on the floor of the radio control tower and strategically covered it in the vines and undergrowth so that it was hidden, but blasting pop music at full volume. She straightened up and made her the strap of her bag was securely on her shoulder.
"Ok, let's go."
((Hazel Jung continued Where Will You Stand When the Flood Comes? ))