The Last Entry

[Melusine]

((Her dreams, her nightmares and this reality became one.))

Dear Jessie,

Today, I have died.

Yup, your good friend (or captor?) died. I'm sorry that I left you alone and I didn't bring you along with me on this journey that was Survival of the Fittest. Perhaps I did the right thing leaving you under my pillow because my parents will be able to find it and like publish it like Anne Frank or something like that.

Anyways, I just wanted to tell you and Dusty that I'm not in pain anymore. Falling on my knife after choking on a piece of bread wasn't fun like at all and hurt pretty badly but I don't really feel it anymore. After some time, you get used to the pain. I'm not really sure what killed me, though. Stabbing by myself in the hip or choking on a piece of half-chewed bread?

I wasn't able to breath properly so I attempted to Heimlich maneuver myself. Thinking about it, I probably died because I was able to breath right. Yeah, unless the knife the femoral artery which would surprise me due to the lack of spurting blood, I probably choked to death. It's funny, in a way. People here died by getting shot or stabbed, and I died choking on bread? Nobody will ever take me seriously after that.

Looking bad at it, it's pretty funny but while I was starving for air, I wasn't laughing. I clawed my own throat, hit my chest and abdomen, coughed and coughed until my nose started bleeding. It felt like someone lit a candle right under my chest and left it. It was burning, I couldn't obviously breath because of the food blocking my airway but I still tried over and over go breath. Each time I tried to take some air in, it felt like the bread go deeper and deeper, just clogging the tube.

At one point, I started to see dots. I guess I was lacking of oxygen to my breath. It was when I started to feel my extremities go numb. I didn't want to die so I kept struggling. I kept coughing and hitting my chest. But the fire that was once burning inside of me became cold, so cold. As if the flame froze, I became petrified. My whole body wanted to move but I couldn't. I didn't feel anything. I guess I died around there, curled up like a wounded animal in the darkness of a shed.

I'm proud to say I didn't give up until I was dead. Nobody can call me a quitter.

Jessie, I don't know where I am going. Probably in hell, haha. I never really believed in that kind of thing. I always thought that when you die, your conscience just disappeared and you faded away. Your body started to rot and, at one point, you would disappear. Your body would become a bunch of nutrients for plants then animals would eat the plants and you would live through them. Hakuma matata.

While I died, I though about Asha. I wondered what she was thinking when she saw me doing all these things to other people. She is my friend and I killed for her. She probably didn't want that last part but I did it anyways. I wish I could tell  her I'm sorry for not living to her expectation and not living in general.

I also thought of the people I have hurt like Iz, Hazel and Penelope. They all had it coming, in a way so I don't feel bad but there must have been another option where everyone could have been friends. Jae wasn't part of them because he was the one that hurt me but I pity him now. He will live in a world all alone, with nobody but himself to keep him company. I think it's ironic that I'm the one that died but I still feel sad for someone else. I just wanted to be friend with him but it just didn't work.

If I had another chance, I would fix my mistakes. Nah, I wouldn't. I regret nothing. Everything I have done was worth and I wouldn't change it one bit. I would choose to eat the bread, for obvious reasons. Perhaps I'd stab Jae and take his crossbow or smash Wayne's head in with my escrima sticks that I never used despite their fancy design.

I realized something. I might have I died biologically-speaking today but I think I really died when Asha bit the bullet. She died and it felt like I was the one getting stabbed to death. A selfish thought, obviously, but I felt like she abandoned me. I thought I had to survive all of this for her but I don't think it would have had really mattered in the end. I'm just one girl who wasn't able to see the end of the story like many others here. Hopefully the one who sees it deserves it and makes sure our deaths didn't go to waste. Well, that's a downer ending for my life long work, isn't? On a happier note, I'd love to be a mermaid or an unicorn in another life.

Bye Jessie.

I had fun and I hope you did too.

DOROTHY SHELLEY: ELIMINATED