Shore Leave

[Ciel†]

'I... I knew you wouldn't... No one will ever accept me again... I-it's for the best..."

Boo hoo was the first thing that shot into Kitty's head. The second thing was a stronger, emptier feeling that for some reason gave her pause. Kitty's kind was that of a speeding highway, things were rushing back and forth at an extreme pace. When Jackie left, Kitty let out a sigh of relief. Having the girl with blood all over her with Roland and her, well, it bothered Kitty for very obvious reasons...

But that did not tell her exactly what she was feeling, or rather why she was feeling it at all. Sadness? Sadness over this girl's regret? Please. She was beyond that. However, the way the whole ordeal played out left her hollow, like her soul had been ripped out of her body completely. She couldn't care less about Jackie at all and yet... and yet. That was the only phrase she could use to describe how she was feeling. And yet.

And yet she was feeling regretful. For some reason that she could not identify.

She looked up again. Roland remarked on how unpleasant their chance with the bloodied visitor was. Well no shit. Kitty would have never guessed that. She sighed, and Roland moved on. He talked about how they had to stop wasting time, which was an idea that Kitty agreed with.

She really didn't want to stay in this dingy shithole longer than she had to. She got to her feet, brushed her clothes off idly before fixing her glare on Roland. He gave her a stare that crawled inside of Kitty's skin. Roland still had no clue about who Kitty really was. Why the hell did he trust her so much? She did nothing to deserve this. In fact, his own trust was beginning to hurt Kitty. Every look of approval was like a slap to her face and it hurt her physically. If she knew that he expected her to keep Jackie, well, she would have probably slapped him back. Why were her emotions playing with her head? There was no problem on the first day, hell, she had no problem feeding Anna Chase to the hounds and she was certainly more sympathetic than a killer bemoaning her sins. Why... why was she feeling anything at all?! Why is her mind fucking with her like this?!

...

It didn't matter. Roland could play his foolish game for as long as he wants, Kitty still knew where she stood on the subject. At least she hoped she knew.

(Kitty Gittschall continued in The House of the Rising Sun)