You Are My Heartbeat, My Silent Drum

[Pippi]

There was a strange man in the kitchen. Sophie had no idea who he was, or what he looked like. She just knew he was there because her mom had told her this morning he was going to be visiting, but Mom didn't want her to leave her room until he was gone. She had heard the front doorbell ring, and said door opening and closing, and then Mom had poked her head round her bedroom door and told her not to come downstairs, before leaving again. It'd 'just upset her,' apparently.

Unfortunately, Sophie was now alone with just her thoughts as companions, and they were more upsetting than anything this strange man could say.

Nothing seemed to permanently dispel her thoughts, and as soon as she thought she'd gotten rid of them, they came crawling back again, like some hideous zombie that would never quit. She lay on her bed for a while, staring up at the ceiling, trying to focus on one single area to let herself zone out and free her mind of unwelcome thoughts. There was a stain directly above her head, in a dark beige colour, and she focused her vision on it, this small dark smudge surrounded by bleak whiteness. But after a while, the more she tried to zero in on the stain and nothing but, it slowly began to look like other things. A pool of blood. An island in an icy sea. Her sister's face in profile.

This had happened over and over again throughout the past few days, ever since the news had dropped. Ever since they had all discovered that Astrid had been abducted on her way to a school trip. Sophie would see her sister's face on stranger's in the street. She would see her name in books and news articles and posts on her Facebook feed. She would hear someone laugh or sigh or make some noise of disgruntlement and it would sound just like when Astrid did the same.

Sophie sniffled. She stared up at the ceiling for another few seconds. Then she screwed her eyes up and flipped over, burying her face into her pillow, the bleak whiteness of the ceiling being replaced by darkness. It was already too late, though. She already had thoughts of her sister stuck in her mind. Memories of her cooking and playing soccer, and visions of her right now, trapped on the island, lost or scared or injured. Or worse.

She could feel her tears soaking into the pillow, her body shaking as she sobbed, the sound muffled and non-existent to the outside world.

It had been three years since the last time a class of children had been abducted for Survival of the Fittest. A long time between events when talking about almost anything else in the world, but far too close together for something like this. It would have seemed logical for security measures to have grown tighter and tighter with every passing year. But there was a simple thought that prevailed in so many people's minds, whether they knew it or not, and that was the idea of 'it'll never happen to me'. Survival of the Fittest was a tragedy, and people would mourn and weep for children on the other side of America that had such bright futures cut short so soon, and then allow their own children to go off on field trips and class trips, because the chances of it happening to their school was miniscule, right?

Sophie had been old enough three years ago to understand what happened in Survival of the Fittest, and she was certainly old enough now to know the stark, unforgiving truth of what had happened to her sister. What was happening to Astrid. As far as her family knew, Astrid was still alive, and Sophie didn't want to know any more than that. She was still keeping alive the thought that someday Astrid would make her way through the front door. Maybe a few days from now. Maybe not until months had passed. But as long as that 'maybe' existed, there was a possibility.

After a few more minutes, Sophie pushed herself upright and shuffled off the bed. Her throat was parched and her eyes were sore. She walked down the hallway to the bathroom, ran the tap, and splashed some water into her eyes. She filled a glass with water, and as soon as she turned it off, the faint sound of her mother's voice drifted up from the garden. The bathroom window was slightly ajar, and Sophie shuffled over to it to better hear what was being said.

"... you sure you're all right here, Darius?"

"I'll be fine. Besides, Kayleigh's not gonna be finished for another hour or so, I don't really have anywhere else to go." A male voice, unfamiliar. That had to belong to the strange man. "I've got my iPad with me anyway."

"Okay. Gregory's in his study upstairs, I think he wanted to talk to you later, but he's... he's swamped with emails and phone calls right now."

"Got it."

"I'm so sorry about this, especially after I asked you to come and all. I don't even know how long I'll be, Lara was in a bad way before this, and-"

"It's all right. Take as long as you need, I don't mind. I've been this before. Your family's more important than me."

There was a pause. When her mom spoke again, it sounded like she was about to cry.

"All right. I'll be back later."

"Stay safe."

The door to the garden slid open, then shut again. Footsteps up the stairs, the study door swinging open and shut, footsteps back down. A minute later, the front door opened and closed. Sophie stood still for a brief moment, before she headed downstairs, at as fast a walking pace she could muster, still gripping tightly to her glass of water, and into the garden, stopping only to slip on a pair of sandals.

The man looked around as soon as the garden door slid open. It struck Sophie as to just how strange he looked. He was wearing a suit and tie that looked almost brand new; there was even a folded handkerchief in the left breast pocket. His face, however, didn't fit the body it was sitting on. His hair was neatly combed, albeit with streaks of grey running through it, but his beard didn't look as though it had seen a razor in years, and Sophie couldn't even begin to count the number of bags under his eyes. He smiled when he saw her, though. It was a warm smile, the smile of someone who was used to smiling a lot, but she could see there was sadness mixed in with it as well.

"Hello," the man said. Sophie took a sip of water before mirroring his greeting.

"You must be Sophie, right?" he continued, placing his iPad down on the table next to a coffee mug. "Your mom was telling me a little about you earlier."

Sophie nodded, and stayed next to the sliding door, glass still clutched tight in her hands. She looked at the man for a few more seconds.

"Where'd mom go?"

The smile on the man's face faltered, and he turned to stare into the dregs of his mug instead.

"Her sister phoned just now. She was apparently a little... hysterical. Your mom thought it best to head round to see her, and I don't think your aunt would have appreciated a strange man turning up right now. I'm waiting for her to get back, or for your dad to come down and talk to me, whichever comes first. I don't have any way of getting home right now, see."

"Can't you drive?"

The man chuckled a little. It was a soft laugh, and nowhere near as warm as his smile was.

"Oh, no, I can drive. My car's in the garage right now, though, and my wife's not due to come out of her meeting and pick me up for an hour still."

Sophie nodded, took another sip, and stayed next to the door.

"Um... who are you?"

"Oh! Sorry, I should have mentioned this first, shouldn't I? My name's Darius St. Ledger, your mom asked me if I could... impart some advice, I guess. It was lucky that Kayleigh had a conference in Arizona this week, really, I wouldn't have been able to drop round otherwise."

Sophie breathed in and out. She felt shaky all of a sudden. So much of what Darius was saying was washing straight over her.

"Why?"

Darius didn't say anything. He looked back down into his mug, then straight up at the sky. A sparrow flew overhead and landed on a branch. Somewhere off in the distance a dog barked.

"Your sister... your sister, Astrid, was abducted a few days ago, yeah? I don't know if you've... noticed how poorly your mom's taken it, I'm sure you've been worrying about it enough yourself, and... well, anyway. She posted a ton of messages on social media, saying she wanting to talk to someone; not just anyone, but someone else who's gone through this already. I guess I've been the only person to reply so far."

Sophie stared up at Darius, mouth hanging slightly open. She felt herself mouth the word 'You...' and Darius nodded. His smile was back on his face. Still warm, and still so very sad underneath.

"Three years back. That's when it happened to me, and the rest of my family. My younger brother Francis was one of the people who got taken that time around."

Sophie sniffed and she wasn't sure why. She slowly made her way towards the table, and sat down opposite Darius. There was silence again. Sophie was still holding tightly on to her glass of water, barely realising she was doing so.

"How... how did you deal with it?"

The silence that fell between each statement felt like it would never end. It was oppressive and all-encompassing. Darius looked straight at her. There was a harder edge to his appearance now, the bags under his eyes turning his stare darker.

"You don't really 'deal' with it. It's not something that ever goes away. It gets... easier, in a sense, as time passes. Even then, you'll adapt, you'll get back to your normal life, and your normal routine, and then all of a sudden something will... remind you of hi- of it, of what happened, and there's nothing you can do but... get through it.

Sophie nodded again. She sniffed again, then once more. She could feel her lower lip wobbling.

"I tried sleeping in Astrid's room a few nights ago. I thought... I thought it would make me feel like she was there with me, but it just made me feel... it just felt wrong. It... it just felt like something was missing..."

Darius nodded, looking slightly down at the table.

"I did the same thing. I stayed with my parents for a couple of days when we first heard the news. We didn't have a spare room, so I slept in Frankie's room the first night, and it just... felt like I was intruding on him, like I was disrespecting... him."

Silence fell again, punctuated only by Sophie sniffling, desperately batting at her eyes, not wanting to fall apart in front of a stranger.

"I'm sorry..." Darius muttered. "I agreed to come all this way and I hardly knew what I should say. I just thought it best that we... that people going through this stuff all stick together. I just wish I had more advice to give."

Sophie sniffed on final time, before placing her glass down on the table with a heavy clunk. Her face was almost entirely obscured, hair hanging down as she glared down into her lap, but her hands were balled into shaky fists and her face was a mix of anger and fear and sadness.

"She's still alive. The news said... the news said that she's still alive. So there's still a chance... there's still a chance... she's gonna come back home. She's gonna come back home and I'm gonna give her a hug and I'm not gonna let go for ages and then... and then we're gonna cook something..."

Sophie looked up, tears now streaming down her face.

"There's still a chance, right?"

Darius looked straight at her. There was a sparkle in his eyes. His face looked like it couldn't decide whether to smile or not.

"Of course there is. Of course there is. There's always a chance. It happened before, after all, kids getting rescued, kids escaping. Francis... Francis got... unlucky. But I'm sure Astrid can hold out. There's... always a chance."

The back door slid open, and both Sophie and Darius looked round to see Gregory Tate standing in the doorway, looking even more tired and weary than usual.

"I thought I heard you out here, Sophie," he said, and then "Are you okay? Your mom said you shouldn't come downstairs, she said it'd just upset you."

"It's fine, dad," Sophie said, her voice quiet and betraying her true emotions. "I was going back inside just now anyway, I just came downstairs for a drink."

Gregory still looked uncertain, but said "Okay, well, if you're sure. Just... come and talk to me when Mr. St. Ledger's left, alright?"

Sophie gave a small nod, then hopped off her seat and headed back inside. As she passed her dad, she looked back at Darius.

"Thank you," she said. Darius mustered up his warm smile again.

"It was nice to talk to you," he said.

Sophie stepped inside, slid the door shut behind her and headed back upstairs.