The Finders Keepers Fallacy & Other War Profiteering Parables

[Emprexx Plush]

((Blaise D'Aramitz Continued From Sleep Is The Cousin Of Death))

Viewing their situation broadly, Blaise wanted for little. Mm. This phrasing was lacking. The implication was that Blaise was one to want, which was inaccurate. There is a longevity, a delayed gratification, to the idea of want. A yearning, no? To want was to be unfulfilled, at least for a time. Blaise had put not inconsiderable effort into convincing themself they wasted no effort at all on want. What they craved in the moment, they took. What evaded them was but temporary inconvenience. What could not be theirs was never desired in the first place. The logic was apparent to them without further explanation, though their peers rarely agreed. On one occasion they'd elaborated over some perceived slight and drawn an unflattering comparison to a child's fable. If they recalled correctly it involved a fox pursuing grapes on a high tree branch. No effort brought it any closer to its prize, and once it had exhausted itself it decided the grapes must be sour and thus not worth the effort. As they understood it the reader was supposed to consider the fox spiteful, foolish even, for spurning what was beyond them. Blaise had a number of objections to this story:

1. Grapes grow on vines, not trees. This "Aesop" must have never toured a vineyard of any quality; mind you, neither had Blaise, but it was a conclusion any simpleton could draw. From the premise's first lines he exposed his ignorance, typical of self-important moral authorities.

2. If Blaise were the fox, they would simply climb the tree. That is within their capabilities as a species. Another point of ignorance more sour than any grape. Now who appears the fool?

3. Most importantly, what is gained by longing for what is beyond your ability? Blaise knew little of foxes and less of grapes, but they were well versed in disappointment. It was a bitter, jagged feeling. To wallow in it without recourse smacked of a masochism they lacked the self-loathing to indulge. But when convinced that you cannot reach was not worthy of your hand, you are free of all burdens of regret and can turn to more productive impulses.

Blaise respected the fox and its ethos with a perspective inefficient ambition could not comprehend. So when another day came and went without the sound of Lorenzo's muffled dying whimpers gracing their ears, they did not indulge frustration. Why should they when they had so many advantages? Their supplies were far from running out. They were well armed and up several confrontations, barring footnotes. No setbacks worth mentioning barred their way. In fact as they walked the path they'd stalked the invalid and the-hmm, not only was that ugly phrasing but as they attempted to finish the thought they weren't sure which one of them they'd been addressing? The mute and the blind boy, that was more accurate and relatively acceptable, no? Not their problem. Where were they? Yes, as they walked that path again, a number of voices caused commotion ahead. Their disarray and the mention of a firearm would be enough for Blaise to excuse themself without introduction, but they recognized one voice. One voice, and an opportunity.

If there was anyone who would care to understand what they'd done, it was Parker, and if the situation went just right they might not only acquire his company but a weapon to go with it.

Blaise kept low, following the walls of one of the houses to try and get behind the loudest of the voices without being seen.

[Frozen Smoke]

Amber.

That was her name. It should have been hard not to notice it, given the volume with which it had been said, but buried amongst an avalanche of other loud noises that were emanating from her - Some of which were words, and most of which weren't. None of them were a good combination to put with a jumpy guy with a gun.

"Amber!" He said, his voice loud and stern as he locked eyes with her, trying to use her name to interrupt her for a moment. There was a short pause, as he waited for it to register, eyes scanning her face as tear tracks began to cut through the mud splattering it. Parker forced a soft smile to his face as a half-moment of silence fell.

"Inside voice, please." he continued, lowering his volume and trying to make it sound less like an order and more like a friendly suggestion. "We're reasonable people, we're not going to kill you." he added, seperating each word of that last statement as clearly as he could, before looking over to shotgun boy and offering him a quick "Right?" to allow him to back up the statement before returning his attention to the girl.

"But whoever fucking hears you might, so let's just... Chill, okay?" he finished, nodding his head in agreement with his own points, before pulling his left hand down and pointing a thumb at himself. He momentarily regretted having not figured out a good name to pass himself off as yet. The more people knew him by his real name, the better chance someone would know who he was if that became a problem, but the hesitation would cost him too much now.

"Parker." he identified, succinctly.

[Jilly]

Whelp, great fucking job, Johnny. You made a girl cry. And this time it wasn't because she wanted to spray out some bullshit about zoos.

The shotgun flinched as Amber's - that much he got - shrill screams shook the ground they all stood on. But he didn't put it down. Not until Axe Fucker spoke again.

As he continued to speak, Johnny lowered the gun. But he still had an ironclad grip on it. Like, yeah, the probability of the two of them working together was pretty fucking non-negligible but at the same time it wasn't like anyone else here looked like they had a gun on them.

So he relented, with a huff. And he mouthed, "Sorry."

Parker was his name, which in hindsight Johnny should've known. But whatever. Johnny didn't return the favor of exchanging names, instead just standing there slack-jawed before turning back to Amber.

"Whadd'ya want?" His words as annoyed as his expression.

[VoltTurtle]

Amber's screaming began to calm in response to Parker's words, her explosion of noise slowly dying down, finally ceasing entirely when Johnny finally lowered the shotgun.

After stopping, her breathing came fast and hard, a predictable outcome of a panicked screaming fit that had lasted so long and been so loud. She took a moment to recover, hunching over and resting one of her arms on her knees as her faculties returned, holding up a single solitary finger to denote that she had a response ready, but needed a bit more time before she was capable of actually saying it.

After a few awkward seconds of this, she suddenly bolted back upright, eyes darting between her two new acquaintances. When she spoke, her voice was clear. "I, um-"

It was at this moment that Amber realized that she did not actually have a response to Johnny's question. What exactly did she want? She had been moving towards this place to seek solitary shelter, due to her injuries, but instead she had instead found more of her classmates, and none of them were Paloma this time. Would she really be satisfied with shelter, though? Did she really want to be alone, save for the constant presence of Blue? Perhaps this was her chance to make some new friends, and not be blindly wandering from place to place like the world's most incompetent hobo.

"Um, I uh," she stammered out, trying her best to fill the gap in conversation and avoid any awkward silences. "I was just walking up to this place because I saw the big fancy houses and I thought, y'know," she briefly looked away, towards the ground, bringing her free hand up and gripping her arm, before giving it a gentle, sheepish squeeze. "That I'd uh... come up here and just... hang out I guess... but..."

She had never been the greatest conversationalist. In fact, one could say she was quite bad at it, even after all this time. She usually skated by via a combo of her looks and hoping her awkwardness came off as cute rather than cringe-inducing. Some were more charmed by her than others, and she had a feeling that Parker and Johnny would likely not be enthused, given their reaction to her entrance.

"Look, uh," she began again, hesitation in her voice. "M-maybe we started off on the wrong foot. And, uh, knowing my track record so far in the last few days," she looked off to the side, internally grimacing at her erratic behavior. "I'm, uh, pretty sure I'm just going to embarrass myself the longer I interact with you guys, so, maybe I should just get all that out of the way now, y'know?"

Doing her best to ignore the pain that was slowly returning throughout her body, Amber struck an elaborate pose, stretching her arms wide and extending her left leg out to her side, in the hopes that it would lend some humor to what she was about to do. Beginning to speaking once more, her words carried a dramatic flair and a helping of false confidence.

"Hi! My name is Amber Yates. My boyfriend was the first person that died here, my best friend lives in my head, and I am the owner and CEO of Dumb Bitch Incorporated. It's nice to meet you!"

[Emprexx Plush]

There were at least three parties involved around the corner. One was Parker, perhaps with an ally? Unfortunate. Arming him would be more complicated if he was not inclined to shoot whoever currently held the weapon. Perhaps that was not fair, though, they had never known him to be much for attachment. Of course they had to assume he did not hold the gun himself; if Parker had been armed all this time without making his mark on the game, they would be severely disappointed in him. Admittedly they had taken up a flawed to desire to keep a low profile themself at first, but the numbers did not lie. Each morning they managed attention many the same name were credited with death, and they could not recall a single one repaid in kind. It seemed most of their class lacked the stomach to compete, and if they had noticed through idle observation Parker's obsession with long term planning should have picked it up by the third day. A lack of opportunity was the only explanation they would entertain.

The armed voiice did not follow Parker's lead for introductions so it remained a mystery to them. The one around the corner more than made up for the lack of effort, even without the name Blaise was certain they could have identified Amber Yates. Blaise did not indulge her company often but she made herself difficult to miss by volume if not by quality. She did not seem to present a threat, which made her a valuable intermediary. From the correct angle neither Blaise nor the unnamed gunman could shoot each other without hitting her first. Ideally it would shoot first, kill her, and die on return fire so that they only needed to deal with the aftermath. Sub-optimally, however, neither of them would escalate and her presence would give Blaise time to analyze more directly, perhaps leverage Parker against his companion if he were so inclined. Ugh. An outcome reeking of tedium. But you must play the hand you are dealt, no?

Blaise stepped into view some distance away, aiming at Amber's back. "Thank you, mademoiselle dumb bitch. Please keep your attention on the gentlemen ahead of you." They looked for Parker's attention, but only briefly. "I am armed, but also reasonable. Perhaps we can negotiate?" There were a number of bluffs in play, but their aim was the most important. At this distance they doubted they could hit Amber if she made a run for it, but it communicated a less urgent energy if they all believed she was their target. In theory they would subtly adjust so that if she bugged out they would have a clear line to the gunman, that seemed the sort of strategy they might have heard in an action drama. In practice...no, doubt had no place in their methodology. It worked or it did not. Either way the result would be their concern for but a moment.

[Frozen Smoke]

Parker’s face fell just a moment before Blaise’s words filled the air, watching as the figure rounded the corner gun barrel first with a sense of dread, giving Amber just a hint that something might be going wrong before it was confirmed.

Blaise’s voice was different to how he remembered it, but still familiar, just more scratched and hoarse and blunt than he was used to. They locked eyes with him for a brief moment as they gaze scanned the trio of them. He kept his expression blank, with only a tight, concentrated frown written on his face as he turned his head to look at Johnny.

Negotiating sounded good, right?

[Jilly]

God this bitch was weird. But what the fuck ever. At least she didn't have-

...a gun.

No.

You know what?

Fuck. This. Shit.

Maybe it was a lack of food or lack of sleep or lack of water or getting really fed up of people threatening him with getting fucking shot but he was over this shit.

"Move!" He yelled at Amber, stomping into a better line of sight with the gunman (gunwoman? Gunperson? Whatever.).

He lifted the shotgun and took general aim in the precious few milliseconds of leeway.

And then he started to pull the trigger.

[Frozen Smoke]

Perhaps if Parker had had more time, he would have been able to analogise the situation to a common one found in tournament poker. Often, you would find yourself in a position where the chips were down, and you were dealt a hand which whilst not objectively bad, was also not considered ideal - And had to decide whether or not that was the best hand you'd be dealt for the rest of your potentially very short tournament life. In that scenario, it all came down to context, looking to see who was in the hand with you and if you thought your ranges matched up well against them, whilst weighing up exactly how many more hands you could possibly see as the ante and blinds ate away at your supplies.

However, Parker did not have that time. Instead, everything moved in an instant, and he was presented with a quick boolean question.

Was he going to act, or wasn't he?

The gun swung up in front of him.

Yes or no?

It stabilised in the direction of Blaise.

1 or 0?

Parker lurched forwards, crossing the few steps that seperated him and shotgun boy in a stumbling sprint, not having the time or space to move his axe into a swing. His hand reached out, grabbing the barrel of the gun that was being held perpendicular to him, aiming down the path, and yanked it down, keeping a tight grip on it as his momentum carried him forwards into the boy - Trying desperately to keep him from pressing the muzzle against him as he held it by his side. One of his legs caught in between his wide footed stance as his footing slipped and forced him forwards. Bone hit bone painfully as the rest of his body followed, colliding awkwardly with his, face bouncing off of the taller boy's shoulder and sending his glasses flying off onto the gravel.

[Jilly]

HEY WHAT THE F-

The gun fired. Johnny couldn't tell where the fuck the shot landed, and the last thing he heard was Parker shouting at him before the shell ripped.

All he knew was the searing vibration that rended across the muscles in his arm and shoulder, burning every single neuron as the force expelled the shotgun from his grip and plummeted him into Parker.

[VoltTurtle]

The voice coming from behind Amber instantly caused a sense of dread to wash over her. The exact choice of words was quite peculiar, but she had seen enough movies to know that those words meant that there was definitely another gun being pointed at her. Freezing in place, extreme panic instantly set in once again, Amber began to inhale in preparation for another screaming fit, only to be interrupted as she was violently shoved out of the way by Johnny.

The events that transpired right in front of her shortly thereafter happened too quickly for her to properly comprehend what just happened. All she knew is that there was a thunderous boom that instantly morphed into a ringing in her ears that drowned out all other sound. On instinct, she turned point and began speeding away from the line of fire and all the guns, powering through her injuries to the best of her abilities and diving into cover at the end of her sprint, behind one of the leadership houses.

Oh god, what the fuck!? What the fuck? What the fuck?

Leaning back against the side of the house, the damp ground below her wetting her jeans, Amber clutched the sides of her head as she hyperventilated in a panic. Her hearing slowly recovering, Amber's mind raced trying comprehend the situation she was in. Where just before with Johnny, the threat of death was merely that—a threat—this was now entirely different. Death was now bearing down on her as a speeding train, she could have died instantly just a moment ago; for all she knew, since she couldn't hear anything while she was running, there might have been more bullets flying at her as she ran.

So much had gone wrong so fast, and she was lucky to have gotten out when she did. She put her head back against the side of the building, unable to crane her head around to look back at the scene no doubt continuing to play out without her. Maybe the new arrival had already killed Johnny and Parker while she was running away. Maybe they were coming after her, now.

Oh shit what if they are coming for me now?

Slowly, tentatively, she leaned just enough around the corner of the wall to see what was happening.

[Emprexx Plush]

Despite what a variety of self-help seminars would want you to believe, the private sector is not a meritocracy. Allow elaboration: your skills insofar as product development, market economics, political acumen, long term projection, the like? Undeniably useful yes, but often they can be shored up by one's ability to read people, keen instincts that do not require elaboration, and a not insubstantial amount of luck. Who you know matters more than what you know, as they say, and at times success is as simple as being in the right place at the right time...or avoiding the wrong place at the wrong time. All of this was known to Blaise, and its relevance had never been clearer; in a split second Amber showed how she had attained her position atop the cutthroat corporate ladder of Dumb Bitch Incorporated by making the wisest possible decision and getting the fuck out of here.

A pity that Blaise had never courted her favor. She was appearing a more and more useful asset by the second. A side bet? With the right opportunities, perhaps, but they could not be distracted from what was center stage at the table. Parker was liable to get himself killed at this rate, how uncharacteristically brash of him. They pondered if he had gone too soft to be of use for longer than they were comfortable admitting without less firearms and more lawyers present before adjusting their aim for a warning shot. A wide, generous warning shot. They would feel...inconvenienced...if Parker took another bullet on their behalf. Doubtless he would not let go the first, what do you say, twenty? They hadn't a clue what a reasonable number of shotgun pellets was, or if pellets were even the right terminology, but twenty seemed a high bar to clear so they set it. "Gentleman. No more violence, if you please, or I will no longer feel reasonable."

Really. It was as if some people had no concept of the value of life. Ghastly, if their opinion was asked.

[Frozen Smoke]

The two of them fell to the floor. Parker's left ear rang with a high pitched squeal, the sound of the gun going off echoing in his skull. Shotgun boy's hip jammed awkwardly into his stomach, knocking the wind out of him for a moment, cutting off his pained yelling. Snapped him back to reality for a moment, as he took a sharp breath in, watching the gun skitter across the gravel path - Coming to a stop just a few feet away from them.

Parker's right arm reached up across the boy's body, grasping for his face but finding his chin, and pushing it as hard as he could away - Trying to obscure his vision of the situation by stopping him from looking down. He tried to kick, but there was no way to leverage his legs back far enough, so he drove his knee into the side of his with a grunt. The boy began to move his own limbs, and he tried to reach his left arm up too, aiming for a wrist - But that broke the adrenaline fuelled spell of ignorance.

Parker let out a hiss of agony as he stopped in mid motion, arm recoiling back down instinctively, pain stretching all the way across his back. He could feel the wind lashing against it now, the flapping of his jacket, the wetness that he knew was blood dribbling down his side and making him want to shiver. He thought he'd made sure the gun wasn't pointed at him.

This was bad.

He looked away from the boy writhing underneath him for a moment, turning to the other two participants in the situation, that had been quickly reduced to just one as Amber exceeded his low expectations for her intelligence by prioritising self preservation. Blaise was alone now, pointing their gun above the two of them, and speaking. It was hard to hear what they were saying over the ringing in his ear, and it didn't really matter in the first place. What mattered was that they were approaching this with all the caution they hadn't shown in their entrance.

It seemed it was up to him to provide directions.

"GET THE FUCKING GUN!"

[Jilly]

Johnny shook all over as he lied there on the ground. Couldn't hear nothing, couldn't think nothing, couldn't feel nothing but the rock shards jutting into his body and the bruising and agony from Parker's attempts to pin him down.

The grip on his chin slackened, and Johnny managed to look down finally.

He couldn't see where Amber went.

He saw the gunman approaching the two of them, methodical yet apathetic.

He saw Parker, shouting something while looking where the shotgun skittered away.

His teeth gritted with so much pain. So much anger.

So much rage.

Johnny didn't care anymore, and he just went for it with the reversal.

He threw himself with a jab at Parker hovering over him, his fist colliding square with Parker's jaw as Johnny scrambled to stand up again.

[VoltTurtle]

When Amber craned her head around the corner, she wasn't sure what she had been anticipating. Had she been expecting a bloodbath, with two or possibly all three of them dead? Had she been readying herself to see that Johnny and Parker had fled just as she had, and that Blaise was now coming to rob her, or worse?

Regardless, she wasn't expecting to see that all three of them were still there, and nobody was dead. Blaise was just standing in front of them, brandishing that gun of theirs, while Johnny and Parker were fighting on the ground. Going by the fact that they both weren't already dead or dying, didn't that mean Blaise didn't want to hurt them? No, it wouldn't make any sense to let them live this long, especially since Johnny had just shot at them mere moments ago. So if that was the case, why were they fighting?

No, no, she couldn't abide by this. Parker and Johnny had been sorta nice to her just before, and Blaise was a complete wild card in this situation. If she just sat by while the two of them continued to wrestle on the ground, who knows if Blaise would change their mind and kill both of them?

With the ringing in her ears finally starting to clear, and her hearing slowly recovering, Amber stood back up and took a defensive position with her back to the wall, before gingerly sticking her head, and only her head, back out of cover. The walls were unlikely to stop a bullet, but maybe not being able to see most of her would mess up any shots anyone might take. She hoped, at least.

She inhaled, she had plenty of practice at doing this. She opened her mouth, and while she still couldn't hear as well as she would be able to normally, her hearing was good enough for her to hear herself screeching as loud as she could at the group as she leaned around the corner.

"HEY! STOP FUCKING FIGHTING YOU GODDAMN IDIOTS!"

[Emprexx Plush]

Everyone had their own ideas on how to proceed. Shall we take a recap? Amber made an appeal to peace in a manner too crass for the upper echelons of management but you know? Blaise did not care for respectability politics and neither did they disagree with her in spirit. Let the record show: no one had put more effort towards peaceful de-escalation in this entire catastrophe than they. Not only had they called for negotiation from the moment they arrived, but they provided the incentive of mutually assured destruction to their most volatile element! As always they were a victim of the irrational whims of others. Such a tragedy. It was unfortunate but non-violent resolution had been ruled right out.

Parker, in efforts equally heroic and ineffective, outlined another path: control the weapons, control the fight. A not impractical solution at its face, but there were flaws. For one Blaise already had a gun, what use had they for a second? They could not pass it along to him with this barrier of flailing flesh between them, and they could not use it themself. There was only one advantage to controlling the second gun, but we may return to it after considering the third desired outcome.

Johnny's goal from a broad perspective was to escape them, no? Killing them was a possibility but only a means to an end. They did not recall his name on the announcements so he lacked...how to phrase it? Bloodlust? Conviction? However you chose, he could not close the deal. Getting away would satisfy him, they were sure of it.

In summary:

Amber wanted to stop the fighting.

Parker wanted to stop Johnny from getting the gun.

Johnny wanted to get away from all of this.

What was Blaise to do? Well, it's simple when you think about it. A single outcome that would satisfy all three desires; the fight would be over, the gun would not reach Johnny's hands, and he would never, ever need to worry himself with such conflict again.

Of course being the most reserved and reasonable mind at the table they did not want it to come to this.

Of course they wanted this to resolve without further harm.

Of course they would not consider so drastic an end if it did not serve all interests present so perfectly.

Of course when this was all over, that is how they would sell their actions.

Of course as Johnny rose off of Parker they leveled the rifle and pulled the trigger.