((Lucas Abernathy continued from Beauty is Pain. Happiness is a Weapon.))
The sun was setting on the island once more, the rays of light filtered their way through the foliage of the island jungle and casting shadows across the terrain. Soon night will fall once more and the wildlife of the jungle will render themselves silent as they return to rest.
Rest... That was something Lucas would be needing soon. He had been wandering through the island aimless for hours, hardly ever stopping. It was hard to say if he was really living at this point. If anyone had saw him they would have seen the vacant, emotionless way he carried himself as he traveled. Less a living person and more a lifeless corpse given animation. He was only now starting to realize just how late it had gotten as he was emerging from his stupor. Where had the time gone? Last thing he really remembered was listening to the announcements and...
Tonya was dead.
He stopped in his tracks at the edge of a pond with five rusted cages in the center of it. He dropped his bag, dropped his gun and collapsed to the ground, his arms just stopping him from injuring himself from the fall.
It wasn't that long ago that he was with Tonya, one of the few friends he had left, and now she was gone. He kept thinking, was there anything he could have done differently? Had he not gotten separated from her would she still be alive? Maybe it was guilt that made him feel this way. After all, the day prior to her death they had spend a night of passion with one another. He was fucked up and broken, she was fucked up and broken. He had just lost his girlfriend and he needed something to keep his mind of his loss for even a moment, even if it was using Tonya's body as a vehicle for that distraction.
He regretted that. He hated himself so much for what happened that night, but there was nothing he could do about it now.
Especially now.
Tonya was dead and everything was worse now. Another friend was gone and he wasn't there to stop it. Beryl, Yuko, Camille, Roxie, Dante... Too many were gone from this world. Only ones left were Myles and Ivy, and even then he couldn't be sure if they'd survive to the end of the day, if they were even still alive right now. He knew there wasn't anything he could have done, but it was little comfort as he kept thinking about how if he were a little more proactive he might have saved them. He could still avenge them by finding the ones who took them away from him, but they would never be back.
innocence can only be taken, never returned.
He looked over the edge of the pond, face the reflection in the water. Not that he saw much. The growing darkness caused by the setting sun was obscuring his features. From his perceptive he might as well be facing a shadow. His heart sank, feeling as though nature itself was denying him the right to acknowledge him as a human. He slowly looked up, facing the cages in the pond. There between the bars, he could faintly see the signs of a spider's web. From his position he couldn't really make out the complex pattern of the silk structure, but he knew that it was there and that was enough for him to focus on it.
He wondered if perhaps there was a spider there, waiting. Waiting ever so patiently for some wayward fly to buzz its way into the spider's trap. There was something captivating about that thought. He lingered on it, savoring it as he tried to ignore the exhaustion that became increasingly and painfully prevalent in his body.
"Have... you ever heard of... insect... politics?" he muttered quietly to the air, as if he has some listener present to hear his words. Words that weren't his own but otherwise seared into his memory. "Neither have I. Insects... don't have politics. They're very brutal. No compassion, no compromise. We can't trust the insect. I'd like to become the first... insect politician. I'd like to, but, uh, I'm afraid..."
Hearts of Darkness: A Filmmaker's Apocalypse
Private - Day 9, Evening — https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QVrJoA2O7E4
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TheLordOfAwesome
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It skittered.
((Kelly Nguyen continued from then you dive in it))
Something with the clean, angular cutout of a chin- a mandible, really, a piece of exoskeleton that was far removed from the softness of squishy human flesh.
Soldered atop it, actually. Kelly couldn't help that her mask made her look so alien. Couldn't help that there was something so naturally cold and intimidating, almost Brutalist, about the sterile design of modern medicine.
She skittered, the crown of her head the first bit of her to emerge from the trees. Hunched over, almost on all fours. It'd been the lowness of the tree branches as they'd started to expand into the open expanse of moonlight. Her shoulders erupted like wings out of her spine for a long moment, stiff, irregularly regular. She couldn't hear her own breath. She was a little beetle, the black of her still too-sticky shirt defiantly absorbing all the light around it, turning her into a walking blind spot, an inky stain on other's vision.
Only just now was it beginning to get cool. It was too late at night for it to be this hot- the sun must have set at least an hour ago, and the moon was wavering, singing a piteous little song in a tone-deaf warble over the undulating reflection of the lake.
She'd never thought she'd be seeing him again. She'd only ever liked the idea of him in theory. The tragedy of his story, the volatility. The big gun- both of them. There was something to be said for the aesthetic trappings of crassness, of being barely a step removed from man's primate ancestor. But he'd proven too uncertain. Another Tonya- maybe he'd inherited a bit of her, squeegeeing her fluids over himself. He'd hesitated despite her promptings, he'd failed to be the big meaty man he was in all his overt power fantasies.
But something drew her to him. Her ghostly silhouette floating like a wraith through the darkness towards him, with a lethargic shuffle barely lifting her feet off the ground with each step. He might have changed, she thought. Like she had changed. There were a hundred different iterations of herself on this island. All of them equally worthy. He might have found true motivation, in the days since they'd adjourned.
"Lucas." So, she called out to him. She invited him to take one of the two chairs near the cages, smiling softly, very keen on the feeling of how the muscles stretched as she exercised them like that. Anything could be trained. Her dull beady eyes took on some spark of life. The other chair had fallen- she righted it, took a seat with a heavy gracelessness. She didn't want to admit she was so tired any more aloud than that.
"You don't know how happy I am to see you."
((Kelly Nguyen continued from then you dive in it))
Something with the clean, angular cutout of a chin- a mandible, really, a piece of exoskeleton that was far removed from the softness of squishy human flesh.
Soldered atop it, actually. Kelly couldn't help that her mask made her look so alien. Couldn't help that there was something so naturally cold and intimidating, almost Brutalist, about the sterile design of modern medicine.
She skittered, the crown of her head the first bit of her to emerge from the trees. Hunched over, almost on all fours. It'd been the lowness of the tree branches as they'd started to expand into the open expanse of moonlight. Her shoulders erupted like wings out of her spine for a long moment, stiff, irregularly regular. She couldn't hear her own breath. She was a little beetle, the black of her still too-sticky shirt defiantly absorbing all the light around it, turning her into a walking blind spot, an inky stain on other's vision.
Only just now was it beginning to get cool. It was too late at night for it to be this hot- the sun must have set at least an hour ago, and the moon was wavering, singing a piteous little song in a tone-deaf warble over the undulating reflection of the lake.
She'd never thought she'd be seeing him again. She'd only ever liked the idea of him in theory. The tragedy of his story, the volatility. The big gun- both of them. There was something to be said for the aesthetic trappings of crassness, of being barely a step removed from man's primate ancestor. But he'd proven too uncertain. Another Tonya- maybe he'd inherited a bit of her, squeegeeing her fluids over himself. He'd hesitated despite her promptings, he'd failed to be the big meaty man he was in all his overt power fantasies.
But something drew her to him. Her ghostly silhouette floating like a wraith through the darkness towards him, with a lethargic shuffle barely lifting her feet off the ground with each step. He might have changed, she thought. Like she had changed. There were a hundred different iterations of herself on this island. All of them equally worthy. He might have found true motivation, in the days since they'd adjourned.
"Lucas." So, she called out to him. She invited him to take one of the two chairs near the cages, smiling softly, very keen on the feeling of how the muscles stretched as she exercised them like that. Anything could be trained. Her dull beady eyes took on some spark of life. The other chair had fallen- she righted it, took a seat with a heavy gracelessness. She didn't want to admit she was so tired any more aloud than that.
"You don't know how happy I am to see you."
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TheLordOfAwesome
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"I'm saying... I'm saying..." He continued to mutter to no one in particular. He paused, hesitating. He knew the words. He knew them like they were the back of his hand. But he couldn't say them no matter how comforting it would be to recall them. He was just so very tired.
So occupied with his thoughts that he almost didn't register that someone was here, speaking to him. Familiar voice, he looked up to the figure. Kelly, he recalled. She didn't look like herself right now. She meshed in with the darkness, giving a vaguely silhouette-like appearance or an insect with an oily black carapace. She was sitting in a chair, another chair next to her. Ah, of course. The show was about to start. Slowly he managed to pull himself up from the ground, his spinally limbs righting themselves as he stood to his full height.
"I'm an insect..." He thought. "Who dreamt he was a man."
He trudged over to where Kelly was, draw to her like a moth was to a flame. She said she was glad to see him. Could be true. Could all be lies. Some deliberate scheme to lure him in and trap him like a fly in a web. Hard to say anymore. She had followed him before after her mock trial. Why would she do that? Maybe companionship? Maybe some more sinister motive? He had considered the possibilities before, but never really dwelled on them. Of course, now he had all the time to dwell on them. Her supposed innocent... Now he wasn't sure about anything anymore.
This place, it changes people. A Garden of Eden with the Forbidden Fruit being the slaughter of those you knew, tempting those to consume it. Once you've eaten the fruit, you couldn't go back to the way things were. You were forever marked, forever changed. There was no God, though, to cast them out of paradise. Only devils. Hell was empty, and all the devils were here.
"I'm an insect, who dreamt he was a man, and loved it."
He sat down next to her, or more accurately, collapsed into the seat next to her. He was just so very tired. He was drained, not just physically, but emotionally and mentally.
"Kelly..." He said, cold and hoarse. "Tonya's gone. They're all gone. Ivy and Myles might be gone. Don't know. Now it is just me." He paused, thinking for a moment before adding. "Me and you."
So occupied with his thoughts that he almost didn't register that someone was here, speaking to him. Familiar voice, he looked up to the figure. Kelly, he recalled. She didn't look like herself right now. She meshed in with the darkness, giving a vaguely silhouette-like appearance or an insect with an oily black carapace. She was sitting in a chair, another chair next to her. Ah, of course. The show was about to start. Slowly he managed to pull himself up from the ground, his spinally limbs righting themselves as he stood to his full height.
"I'm an insect..." He thought. "Who dreamt he was a man."
He trudged over to where Kelly was, draw to her like a moth was to a flame. She said she was glad to see him. Could be true. Could all be lies. Some deliberate scheme to lure him in and trap him like a fly in a web. Hard to say anymore. She had followed him before after her mock trial. Why would she do that? Maybe companionship? Maybe some more sinister motive? He had considered the possibilities before, but never really dwelled on them. Of course, now he had all the time to dwell on them. Her supposed innocent... Now he wasn't sure about anything anymore.
This place, it changes people. A Garden of Eden with the Forbidden Fruit being the slaughter of those you knew, tempting those to consume it. Once you've eaten the fruit, you couldn't go back to the way things were. You were forever marked, forever changed. There was no God, though, to cast them out of paradise. Only devils. Hell was empty, and all the devils were here.
"I'm an insect, who dreamt he was a man, and loved it."
He sat down next to her, or more accurately, collapsed into the seat next to her. He was just so very tired. He was drained, not just physically, but emotionally and mentally.
"Kelly..." He said, cold and hoarse. "Tonya's gone. They're all gone. Ivy and Myles might be gone. Don't know. Now it is just me." He paused, thinking for a moment before adding. "Me and you."
Did she need to know? What he'd been saying?
Something about insects, that was all she'd felt that had carried her way on the wind. Syllables of a mad ramble. Or maybe some kind of shitty movie reference- that was his sort of thing, as far as Kelly could remember. She consciously, cautiously made the decision to discard the odd mantras he'd mumbled from mind. Her hands came up to the flattest part of her mask and she tugged at an annoying itch she couldn't quite pinpoint- it was everywhere, threaded through the various chopped up segments of her cheeks. Like the click of antenna against chitin, tap tap tap, over and over, as she prodded at what might have been scar, might have been bone.
She looked him in the eyes. Chiaroscuro between them- would have made for a beautifully dramatic photo, once upon a time. There was a vitality to her that only illuminated him on one side. She, his campfire.
She was something he needed, maybe. Something he'd lost. Poor Lucas. She couldn't even bring herself to imagine what he'd gone through without her. Possibly even some fate as dismal as more sex with Tonya.
The more she thought about it, this felt normal. High school life, or some version of it she was rather tempted to live out a bit longer. Boys liked girls, sometimes, when the genetics happened to work out that way. She was small, this close to him, only a small brick of staid, musty night air separating them. Reminded her of the last time she'd felt this vulnerable- it had been him, again. She'd come to understand it, since. She'd been taught a hard lesson about herself when she'd felt the last of her weaknesses burn away, in the form of a shotgun shell stripping her knuckles to the bone. The bandaged hand rested on the plumpest part of her bare thigh- the last bit of innocent weight she could cling to, when the rest of her was slowly caving in. She subtly rubbed, in a slow circle.
She didn't want him, really. She wanted what he represented. He was someone who could understand her, if for the wrong reasons. Someone who'd lift those two big guns of his on her behalf. Pump them.
He could be Clyde. He could change. Could have a real reason for carrying on. She could be that reason.
"Me and you," she repeated, with a rueful smile. Sugar sweet. Her mouth was too dry, she couldn't really feel the smile, save the bits where her skull melted through her skin.
"I can't imagine... But I guess you're safe now. You know me. You know I wouldn't dare hurt you." It was easy to be this Kelly. Comfortable. She liked this moment. It almost made her feel like she was missing something, it was the inverse of filling the hole in her heart, it was discovering it, celebrating it, for a moment in time where she was everyone's friend. A role she never felt she'd truly stepped out of.
"I won't leave you." She remembered how it had happened. He'd offered her a choice. She'd never made that choice, aloud. "Never did." Choice made.
Something about insects, that was all she'd felt that had carried her way on the wind. Syllables of a mad ramble. Or maybe some kind of shitty movie reference- that was his sort of thing, as far as Kelly could remember. She consciously, cautiously made the decision to discard the odd mantras he'd mumbled from mind. Her hands came up to the flattest part of her mask and she tugged at an annoying itch she couldn't quite pinpoint- it was everywhere, threaded through the various chopped up segments of her cheeks. Like the click of antenna against chitin, tap tap tap, over and over, as she prodded at what might have been scar, might have been bone.
She looked him in the eyes. Chiaroscuro between them- would have made for a beautifully dramatic photo, once upon a time. There was a vitality to her that only illuminated him on one side. She, his campfire.
She was something he needed, maybe. Something he'd lost. Poor Lucas. She couldn't even bring herself to imagine what he'd gone through without her. Possibly even some fate as dismal as more sex with Tonya.
The more she thought about it, this felt normal. High school life, or some version of it she was rather tempted to live out a bit longer. Boys liked girls, sometimes, when the genetics happened to work out that way. She was small, this close to him, only a small brick of staid, musty night air separating them. Reminded her of the last time she'd felt this vulnerable- it had been him, again. She'd come to understand it, since. She'd been taught a hard lesson about herself when she'd felt the last of her weaknesses burn away, in the form of a shotgun shell stripping her knuckles to the bone. The bandaged hand rested on the plumpest part of her bare thigh- the last bit of innocent weight she could cling to, when the rest of her was slowly caving in. She subtly rubbed, in a slow circle.
She didn't want him, really. She wanted what he represented. He was someone who could understand her, if for the wrong reasons. Someone who'd lift those two big guns of his on her behalf. Pump them.
He could be Clyde. He could change. Could have a real reason for carrying on. She could be that reason.
"Me and you," she repeated, with a rueful smile. Sugar sweet. Her mouth was too dry, she couldn't really feel the smile, save the bits where her skull melted through her skin.
"I can't imagine... But I guess you're safe now. You know me. You know I wouldn't dare hurt you." It was easy to be this Kelly. Comfortable. She liked this moment. It almost made her feel like she was missing something, it was the inverse of filling the hole in her heart, it was discovering it, celebrating it, for a moment in time where she was everyone's friend. A role she never felt she'd truly stepped out of.
"I won't leave you." She remembered how it had happened. He'd offered her a choice. She'd never made that choice, aloud. "Never did." Choice made.
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TheLordOfAwesome
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His vision slowly swiveled to look at her, studying her. He scanned her, his eyes moving up and down before lingering on where her bandaged hand was rubbing her at her thigh.
The words she said... it brought certain feelings up again. A craving that he felt once before, demanding he distract himself from the pain in his heart. Kelly was a good looking girl and God only knows how much he had actually want to have her while they were hold up in the manor, alone. He thought there had maybe been a chance after he had his time with Tonya, but...
Tonya.
Camille...
Painful regret came bubbling to the surface as he remembered what he had did. So sitting here, thinking about taking Kelly... It hurt. Hurt so much and that emotional pain reminded him of how much he had hated himself for sleeping with Tonya not mere moments after digging up his girlfriend's corpse. The woman he had love hadn't been dead for a day and he gone and fucked the first willing woman he could get his hands on. He was a shitty person. He could pick up on the signal that Kelly was giving him, but he didn't have the taste for it anymore.
Sighing, he turned way, facing off towards the distance.
"You wouldn't have been wrong too..."
The words she said... it brought certain feelings up again. A craving that he felt once before, demanding he distract himself from the pain in his heart. Kelly was a good looking girl and God only knows how much he had actually want to have her while they were hold up in the manor, alone. He thought there had maybe been a chance after he had his time with Tonya, but...
Tonya.
Camille...
Painful regret came bubbling to the surface as he remembered what he had did. So sitting here, thinking about taking Kelly... It hurt. Hurt so much and that emotional pain reminded him of how much he had hated himself for sleeping with Tonya not mere moments after digging up his girlfriend's corpse. The woman he had love hadn't been dead for a day and he gone and fucked the first willing woman he could get his hands on. He was a shitty person. He could pick up on the signal that Kelly was giving him, but he didn't have the taste for it anymore.
Sighing, he turned way, facing off towards the distance.
"You wouldn't have been wrong too..."
She didn't understand what he was telling her. But... that also felt right, in a way. It was the simulation of a high school life that had never really ended, lived by a high school girl who'd somehow never stopped being lovable. Right? That had to be it. This was her weird, fucked up version of a sweetheart moment like the sort in the typical CW syndicated teen drama. She didn't know what she was doing. She was awkward, and uncomfortable, but it was alright to feel that way, it was exciting.
The same rush of blood she'd felt when she'd saved Mercy. That was how she knew it was the right scent to chase like a bloodhound. His strong back was to her. She touched him, on the shoulder. The good fingers, the ones that didn't smolder like coals when used.
She had to hope he'd be gentle.
"I don't... what do you mean?" Her voice sounded, through her own ears, so soft and pure. In a way she was seducing herself.
"I promised... didn't I? I... it hurts, its scary-" Of course it fucking was- he'd break her like a toy, his stupid ape body- "I-... we can get through it, can't we? Together."
A sigh.
"I'm really sorry. Everything got away from both of us. But we can still do this." A hopeful breath, delicate, barely grazing the inside of her ribs. "Together."
The Kelly that had assured Zach it was okay to hate the world watched without a word, from the shadowy doused part of her face that could have been any living thing, not strictly just sentient.
The same rush of blood she'd felt when she'd saved Mercy. That was how she knew it was the right scent to chase like a bloodhound. His strong back was to her. She touched him, on the shoulder. The good fingers, the ones that didn't smolder like coals when used.
She had to hope he'd be gentle.
"I don't... what do you mean?" Her voice sounded, through her own ears, so soft and pure. In a way she was seducing herself.
"I promised... didn't I? I... it hurts, its scary-" Of course it fucking was- he'd break her like a toy, his stupid ape body- "I-... we can get through it, can't we? Together."
A sigh.
"I'm really sorry. Everything got away from both of us. But we can still do this." A hopeful breath, delicate, barely grazing the inside of her ribs. "Together."
The Kelly that had assured Zach it was okay to hate the world watched without a word, from the shadowy doused part of her face that could have been any living thing, not strictly just sentient.
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TheLordOfAwesome
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Together...
If things were right, then it would have been him and Camille together. That opportunity was lost forever when Val shot her and someone buried her in the dirt. He could tell Kelly was trying to get something started between them, but he just didn't have it in him. He was far too exhausted, having been ground down by the island. Her hand on his shoulder, though light and delicate, felt as though it was a crushing weight.
He wasn't sure what brought on this change of heart that she was having, but it was little too late for all he was concerned.
"Maybe... Maybe we could have done something. I'm not even sure anymore. About anything really."
He sighed, slumping over and resting his forehead on his hand.
"I'm just... tired. Tired of the struggle. Tried of losing everyone that matters to me. Tired of everything turning into dust around me."
He paused for a moment, thinking back. How long ago was it? Feels like an eternity now since he was last at home, not a care in the world. He had so many plans, a future ahead of him. He would have made a name for himself, go on to be something great. He'd have done it with Camille. For a while, he had held the thought that maybe they'd get out of here, get back home and things would regain some sense of normalcy. A false hope. A dream. A melancholic delusion. Now he couldn't even hold onto that fantasy anymore.
"Sorry..." He said. "I'm sorry... I don't think I can."
If things were right, then it would have been him and Camille together. That opportunity was lost forever when Val shot her and someone buried her in the dirt. He could tell Kelly was trying to get something started between them, but he just didn't have it in him. He was far too exhausted, having been ground down by the island. Her hand on his shoulder, though light and delicate, felt as though it was a crushing weight.
He wasn't sure what brought on this change of heart that she was having, but it was little too late for all he was concerned.
"Maybe... Maybe we could have done something. I'm not even sure anymore. About anything really."
He sighed, slumping over and resting his forehead on his hand.
"I'm just... tired. Tired of the struggle. Tried of losing everyone that matters to me. Tired of everything turning into dust around me."
He paused for a moment, thinking back. How long ago was it? Feels like an eternity now since he was last at home, not a care in the world. He had so many plans, a future ahead of him. He would have made a name for himself, go on to be something great. He'd have done it with Camille. For a while, he had held the thought that maybe they'd get out of here, get back home and things would regain some sense of normalcy. A false hope. A dream. A melancholic delusion. Now he couldn't even hold onto that fantasy anymore.
"Sorry..." He said. "I'm sorry... I don't think I can."
She could read his body language like a book. She'd never known what it felt like to get any kind of rejection letter- no, not even the auto printed ones. She'd been accepted to her school of choice in February, after all her hard work and all the stress. After all the pettiness from her friends looking for an avenue to work out their own frustrations down her throat. She'd been accepted. She'd won. She hadn't even opened the letters from schools not post marked from Cornell. They were probably still in her desk drawer somewhere.
But now it was printed all over him, his slumping, simperingly pathetic body language. Her first rejection.
In a way, it was heartening. Validating. One moment she'd bothered to allow herself to be forced into experiencing a love life- Futscher had been an awful date friend. And then that had been it. She'd been too busy, she'd told herself to grind, to work, to deny herself the simpler and more primitive sensations of life. She'd always missed for that side of her story- now she was experiencing it, a pivotal and climactic moment of it, at the moment where it mattered the most. She was living- she was alive. Still alive, still thriving, in spite of all the accusations and all the judgments rendered onto her like she were a bar of soap to be cut out of tallow, a mess to be purified when she knew they were wrong, she was right, and this was the proof. She could experience this moment of heartbreak. She was still normal. She was still herself.
He was being an ass. He was being selfish. Didn't he know she needed him? She could forgive him. He was hurt. He was scared. He didn't know what he was doing.
She could see the shape of both guns, outlines in their respective containers. Way to go on the tight pants, Lucas, nice job. She stared at his back, turned to her.
"I didn't mean..." Maybe she didn't mean it. Maybe she was still an innocent girl, someone named Kelly, meeting someone named Lucas, learning for the first time how the beat of her own heart moved her blood sometimes faster, sometimes slower.
She'd learned before, that it could sometimes stop. If you made it stop.
"I-... I just want to be there to support you, Lucas! I know you're tired. I'm tired too-
I get it." An energetic burst. An assertion. She didn't hear the frustration that had suddenly spilled through, that had laced her sugar to poisonous venom. She leaned onto him, a chaste touch of her forehead to his defined back muscles. "They didn't die in vain, Lucas." She whispered her truth, into his welcoming ears. "We're still here."
But now it was printed all over him, his slumping, simperingly pathetic body language. Her first rejection.
In a way, it was heartening. Validating. One moment she'd bothered to allow herself to be forced into experiencing a love life- Futscher had been an awful date friend. And then that had been it. She'd been too busy, she'd told herself to grind, to work, to deny herself the simpler and more primitive sensations of life. She'd always missed for that side of her story- now she was experiencing it, a pivotal and climactic moment of it, at the moment where it mattered the most. She was living- she was alive. Still alive, still thriving, in spite of all the accusations and all the judgments rendered onto her like she were a bar of soap to be cut out of tallow, a mess to be purified when she knew they were wrong, she was right, and this was the proof. She could experience this moment of heartbreak. She was still normal. She was still herself.
He was being an ass. He was being selfish. Didn't he know she needed him? She could forgive him. He was hurt. He was scared. He didn't know what he was doing.
She could see the shape of both guns, outlines in their respective containers. Way to go on the tight pants, Lucas, nice job. She stared at his back, turned to her.
"I didn't mean..." Maybe she didn't mean it. Maybe she was still an innocent girl, someone named Kelly, meeting someone named Lucas, learning for the first time how the beat of her own heart moved her blood sometimes faster, sometimes slower.
She'd learned before, that it could sometimes stop. If you made it stop.
"I-... I just want to be there to support you, Lucas! I know you're tired. I'm tired too-
I get it." An energetic burst. An assertion. She didn't hear the frustration that had suddenly spilled through, that had laced her sugar to poisonous venom. She leaned onto him, a chaste touch of her forehead to his defined back muscles. "They didn't die in vain, Lucas." She whispered her truth, into his welcoming ears. "We're still here."
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TheLordOfAwesome
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"We're still here."
Lucas almost laughed. Still here? Why are they still here? Just to suffer? Every night he still felt the missing presence of those he cared about. A piece of the world — his world — was missing. And it won't. Stop. Hurting. It’s like they’re all still there. Did it matter if they were still there when so many were gone? All they were doing was just living without purpose at this point. He wasn't going to give up, but the hurt was still real and it gave him pause.
Kelly probably felt it too. That's why she is being like this. She was like he was, like Tonya was. Broken, needing something to fill the hole that was there. To think, he was in a situation where he wasn't eager to sleep with a girl. He bitterly noted the irony of the situation, where the one some would derisively brush off for being promiscuous was the one turning down sex. It seems Kelly herself was not exactly expecting it either given the hint of frustration in her tone, even as she leaned into him. He was doing his best to try and not focus on the close proximity with the girl he had once hoped to sleep with.
"Didn't die in vain?" He repeated back to her. "I saw Beryl get shot in front of me by accident and had to be put down. That was a situation that could have been avoided, so tell me, where was the sense in that? Yeah, we're still here, but we shouldn't have been here in the first place."
Lucas almost laughed. Still here? Why are they still here? Just to suffer? Every night he still felt the missing presence of those he cared about. A piece of the world — his world — was missing. And it won't. Stop. Hurting. It’s like they’re all still there. Did it matter if they were still there when so many were gone? All they were doing was just living without purpose at this point. He wasn't going to give up, but the hurt was still real and it gave him pause.
Kelly probably felt it too. That's why she is being like this. She was like he was, like Tonya was. Broken, needing something to fill the hole that was there. To think, he was in a situation where he wasn't eager to sleep with a girl. He bitterly noted the irony of the situation, where the one some would derisively brush off for being promiscuous was the one turning down sex. It seems Kelly herself was not exactly expecting it either given the hint of frustration in her tone, even as she leaned into him. He was doing his best to try and not focus on the close proximity with the girl he had once hoped to sleep with.
"Didn't die in vain?" He repeated back to her. "I saw Beryl get shot in front of me by accident and had to be put down. That was a situation that could have been avoided, so tell me, where was the sense in that? Yeah, we're still here, but we shouldn't have been here in the first place."
"That's... true."
She was reluctant because she hated what the conversation had become.
This wasn't supposed to be yet another one of the many samey moments where people were sad, and people were dying, and people were dead and boo-hoo cry her a fucking river that got stuck on a sticky and gross face she hated looking at- why didn't they see it, why didn't anyone understand? This island was just a moment in life. It was an opportunity to change and to grow, and to adapt, and yes, to die if you failed to do any of those things. That's why the useless skin walkers had died already, wasn't it? They were the ones who had failed to evolve, they were the little skittering things underfoot, so weak, so primitive and helpless. They were Beryl, they were Tonya, were Camila. Were poor Mercy, begging in the quiet empty bits of her eyes for someone to come along, begging for anyone to save her, that memory stark in Kelly's mind as if it had happened yesterday, the girl who had grown so weak she'd not even needed to open her mouth to ask for deliverance from her own suffering, so that she could take another swing and a miss on the roulette of infinity failures of nirvana, ever coming to life, ever failing to understand the true purpose of life.
Marceline, Anna, Juliette, Willow, Zach, Paloma, all of them yet to be claimed by their final moments of irrelevance, they all would be, they just didn't understand it yet because they never understood, they just JUDGED and DIDN'T LISTEN, THEY were WEAK, they had FAILED, SHE stood above them all.
A deep breath, as the moment passed.
Sure. Lucas was so much just another one of them. But she just pitied him that much.
"Look at me." The specter of a girl with her carapace and her shapeless mandible cut through the darkness between their chairs, her increasingly skeletal elbows sharp as the moonlight rippled over her pale flesh. She stared him in the eyes. She smiled, with her eyes. That was all anybody could see, all she had been reduced to.
"We can't change that. But we don't have to become them." She felt advice, warranted, leaking from her like all the prophecies of Cassandra. "They died because they gave into despair. We have to live, Lucas." She couldn't even see him all that well. At this angle, the moon behind him, his bangs obscured his eyes. That didn't matter. She knew what he looked like in theory- the rest of it didn't matter.
Her hands, clasped before her waist in a rote little prayer. She could feel the sweat on her brow. The sweat, always with the fucking sweat. Little clingy beads that had no business being so stubborn. Where were they coming from? The sun wasn't even up. This wasn't supposed to be happening. She wasn't supposed to feel this ugly. Why did nothing ever go her fucking way?
She was reluctant because she hated what the conversation had become.
This wasn't supposed to be yet another one of the many samey moments where people were sad, and people were dying, and people were dead and boo-hoo cry her a fucking river that got stuck on a sticky and gross face she hated looking at- why didn't they see it, why didn't anyone understand? This island was just a moment in life. It was an opportunity to change and to grow, and to adapt, and yes, to die if you failed to do any of those things. That's why the useless skin walkers had died already, wasn't it? They were the ones who had failed to evolve, they were the little skittering things underfoot, so weak, so primitive and helpless. They were Beryl, they were Tonya, were Camila. Were poor Mercy, begging in the quiet empty bits of her eyes for someone to come along, begging for anyone to save her, that memory stark in Kelly's mind as if it had happened yesterday, the girl who had grown so weak she'd not even needed to open her mouth to ask for deliverance from her own suffering, so that she could take another swing and a miss on the roulette of infinity failures of nirvana, ever coming to life, ever failing to understand the true purpose of life.
Marceline, Anna, Juliette, Willow, Zach, Paloma, all of them yet to be claimed by their final moments of irrelevance, they all would be, they just didn't understand it yet because they never understood, they just JUDGED and DIDN'T LISTEN, THEY were WEAK, they had FAILED, SHE stood above them all.
A deep breath, as the moment passed.
Sure. Lucas was so much just another one of them. But she just pitied him that much.
"Look at me." The specter of a girl with her carapace and her shapeless mandible cut through the darkness between their chairs, her increasingly skeletal elbows sharp as the moonlight rippled over her pale flesh. She stared him in the eyes. She smiled, with her eyes. That was all anybody could see, all she had been reduced to.
"We can't change that. But we don't have to become them." She felt advice, warranted, leaking from her like all the prophecies of Cassandra. "They died because they gave into despair. We have to live, Lucas." She couldn't even see him all that well. At this angle, the moon behind him, his bangs obscured his eyes. That didn't matter. She knew what he looked like in theory- the rest of it didn't matter.
Her hands, clasped before her waist in a rote little prayer. She could feel the sweat on her brow. The sweat, always with the fucking sweat. Little clingy beads that had no business being so stubborn. Where were they coming from? The sun wasn't even up. This wasn't supposed to be happening. She wasn't supposed to feel this ugly. Why did nothing ever go her fucking way?
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TheLordOfAwesome
- Posts: 489
- Joined: Mon Aug 13, 2018 4:37 pm
- Location: Washington
There was something particularly unnerving about Kelly's continued persistence. Clearly she could understand that this just wasn't the time for this, and that maybe if she were to wait, maybe then he'd be more ready. Instead here she was writing off the deaths of their fellow classmates as them "giving into despair". He'd hardly call being murdered giving into despair. He didn't need to be told he had to live, he was already doing that. And yet, his patience continued to be wear thin as she applied the pressure. There something rather callous about how she talked about them and how they shouldn't be like them.
Her words hardly inspired confidence, nor did they make him feel any better. When Lucas chased after a girl, he at least knew when to cut his losses. He didn't keep applying the pressure under the hopes they would buckle and give in. It could be chalked up to Kelly's own inexperience, perhaps, but it was still incredibly frustrating.
Lucas looked to Kelly, giving her a tired but frustrated sneer. The darkness hid her features well and he imaged it was the same for him. She was a dark spot in his vision, hardly human.
"You don't have to tell me what I already know," He said trying to shake himself free from her touch. While a close proximity was nice, right now it felt oppressive as Kelly continued to pester him. "And there is a time for this, Kelly. That time is not now. It was back then, but it isn't right now."
He could have been less blunt, he thought, but she wasn't giving him much of a choice.
He needed time.
Time she apparently, wasn't willing to give him.
Her words hardly inspired confidence, nor did they make him feel any better. When Lucas chased after a girl, he at least knew when to cut his losses. He didn't keep applying the pressure under the hopes they would buckle and give in. It could be chalked up to Kelly's own inexperience, perhaps, but it was still incredibly frustrating.
Lucas looked to Kelly, giving her a tired but frustrated sneer. The darkness hid her features well and he imaged it was the same for him. She was a dark spot in his vision, hardly human.
"You don't have to tell me what I already know," He said trying to shake himself free from her touch. While a close proximity was nice, right now it felt oppressive as Kelly continued to pester him. "And there is a time for this, Kelly. That time is not now. It was back then, but it isn't right now."
He could have been less blunt, he thought, but she wasn't giving him much of a choice.
He needed time.
Time she apparently, wasn't willing to give him.
He seemed to recoil from her, like she were a stove top about to melt. Was... was it the sweat? Really? That was what she'd been reduced to. The heat that seemed to crawl under her skin like a bustling metropolis of cockroach nest. She couldn't help it. It wasn't her fault. She didn't want to feel like this, ever burning, trying to climb her way one painful dragging inch over serrated rocks at a time, climbing out of hell. She'd done so well. She was a good person. She didn't deserve this.
The moment was over and ruined. She couldn't help but feel the disappointing ichor of resentment wearing a hole through her stomach was justified. Still, she understood it. The fear, the simpleness. It was just a difference of perspective. Lucas couldn't escape his past, and Kelly couldn't run fast enough towards her future.
He was just another one of them, in the end. She'd figured, all the way back when they'd roped him into playing part of her kangaroo court. He'd looked so happy to be part of it too.
"You're right."
She stiffly returned her arms to her side.
"Not like I was really saying, 'go all the way' anyway." That's what she'd meant, the whole time of course. Honestly, all she could remember. The spark of youthful romance, but nothing more than that. A tinder didn't burn down a forest, no. Not when the cowards wouldn't help it spread. "I just thought... it'd be nice."
She stared down at him, still sitting as she stood. She could tell he was looking at her, but not much else. She was grateful. She didn't want to see his face much, all of a sudden.
"You don't have to die because she did. Lucas." In a rush, in a blurry smear of adrenaline that was like a fogged window, so beautiful, so cathartic like a rainy day, so hard to see through. It poured out, she stepped forward aggressively, she couldn't stop inertia as it tumbled, dragged her, flew out of her like a righteous zephyr.
"That's just weak. You know? She's not here. She's not with you. She's not the person you need to care about- the last fucking person you need to care about, honestly."
The cameras were watching, ever silent, ever vigilant.
The moment was over and ruined. She couldn't help but feel the disappointing ichor of resentment wearing a hole through her stomach was justified. Still, she understood it. The fear, the simpleness. It was just a difference of perspective. Lucas couldn't escape his past, and Kelly couldn't run fast enough towards her future.
He was just another one of them, in the end. She'd figured, all the way back when they'd roped him into playing part of her kangaroo court. He'd looked so happy to be part of it too.
"You're right."
She stiffly returned her arms to her side.
"Not like I was really saying, 'go all the way' anyway." That's what she'd meant, the whole time of course. Honestly, all she could remember. The spark of youthful romance, but nothing more than that. A tinder didn't burn down a forest, no. Not when the cowards wouldn't help it spread. "I just thought... it'd be nice."
She stared down at him, still sitting as she stood. She could tell he was looking at her, but not much else. She was grateful. She didn't want to see his face much, all of a sudden.
"You don't have to die because she did. Lucas." In a rush, in a blurry smear of adrenaline that was like a fogged window, so beautiful, so cathartic like a rainy day, so hard to see through. It poured out, she stepped forward aggressively, she couldn't stop inertia as it tumbled, dragged her, flew out of her like a righteous zephyr.
"That's just weak. You know? She's not here. She's not with you. She's not the person you need to care about- the last fucking person you need to care about, honestly."
The cameras were watching, ever silent, ever vigilant.
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TheLordOfAwesome
- Posts: 489
- Joined: Mon Aug 13, 2018 4:37 pm
- Location: Washington
At first, he was glad. For a moment it seemed like Kelly understood the boundaries Lucas was trying to set. That maybe she'll give him the space he wanted. It wasn't unreasonable for him to want space given everything. Maybe he'd even change his mind once he had the time to unwind and process everything. Maybe he'd even apologize for the way he was acting towards her. The day was long, he had trekked across this hellish place and he was exhausted. He need the time to rest and he had hoped Kelly would understand.
But, it would seem, that was too hopeful of an assessment of Kelly.
Internally, everything stopped for Lucas as Kelly stood up and kept mentioning a "she". It did not take him long to understand just who she was referring to. His stomach churned and felt his gouge rise as a hot wave of anger surged through him. A black, ugly hatred was born within him as she shot up from his seat, rising to his full height as he turned to face Kelly in full.
Fists and teeth clench as his hateful gaze bore into her. By what right did she have to stand here and say this shit to him? By what right?! This ungrateful whore had the absolute gall to stand in front of him and say this. He had saved her from getting killed by Max, probably kept her safe from Tonya as well, and this was the thanks he gets?! As he grew more and more angry, he could feel his rage dissolve his scruples like wax in the presence of a flame.
"But now the dream was over..."
"You want to talk about caring about yourself? If I were you," He snarled, his voice becoming guttural as his anger seeped in. "I'd gather my fucking things and I'd get out of here... I'd get as far from here as I could, 'cause I'm about to fucking hit you. This is not a threat, you understand me? If you keep pushing me, you will be surprised by how ugly it gets."
"...And the insect was awake."
But, it would seem, that was too hopeful of an assessment of Kelly.
Internally, everything stopped for Lucas as Kelly stood up and kept mentioning a "she". It did not take him long to understand just who she was referring to. His stomach churned and felt his gouge rise as a hot wave of anger surged through him. A black, ugly hatred was born within him as she shot up from his seat, rising to his full height as he turned to face Kelly in full.
Fists and teeth clench as his hateful gaze bore into her. By what right did she have to stand here and say this shit to him? By what right?! This ungrateful whore had the absolute gall to stand in front of him and say this. He had saved her from getting killed by Max, probably kept her safe from Tonya as well, and this was the thanks he gets?! As he grew more and more angry, he could feel his rage dissolve his scruples like wax in the presence of a flame.
"But now the dream was over..."
"You want to talk about caring about yourself? If I were you," He snarled, his voice becoming guttural as his anger seeped in. "I'd gather my fucking things and I'd get out of here... I'd get as far from here as I could, 'cause I'm about to fucking hit you. This is not a threat, you understand me? If you keep pushing me, you will be surprised by how ugly it gets."
"...And the insect was awake."
... Had she said something? Her mouth had opened and sound had come out. The words had been irrelevant, she told herself. They hadn't mattered- whatever she'd said couldn't have been that bad. There was an indecipherable echo lurking somewhere on the fleshy edges of her ears. Never getting any closer.
The same with the threat Lucas presented, even as he stood, as he towered over her, as he spoke with unwarranted venom in a voice whose purpose an innocent girl didn't understand. It never got any closer. His shadow spilled all over the ground, and vanished into the swarms of ants and other creepy, biting things below foot. Foot soldiers of the night, seeking shelter from the moon.
She regarded him calmly, with an almost approving nod, and the tiniest smirk that didn't formulate a presence on her face plating of a mask.
He'd finally found passion. To late to matter to her. Or for Tonya, or for Camille, or for whoever else he'd ever let down in his sorry life. She inclined her head a fraction. Began to back off, as the weight of her bag began to feel oppressive against her one hip. That was it then. He was one of them.
Lashing out. Never thinking. Kelly could give him some credit- he had a better reason than Carlson had, a fuel for his fire. Pathetically flicking. See, Kelly understood. She could read the subtext, it was something she was well trained for, all those years of simpering, being a good friend and a better person. All in the darkness clouding his eyes, the force trying to savage his throat. A final flicker of the light before it faded. He was angry because he was scared. Because he knew hopelessness.
Like Mercy, in the moments before she'd gone. Kelly understood it clear: she was doing poor, hapless, innocent and pathetic Lucas a friendly favor. He didn't understand what he was doing- she did. That was the difference.
She took little pleasure from the machete's weight feeling so natural in her tiny hand, as it whipped out of the carefully folded rolled up clothes it had been stuffed between. From her bag, catching the moonlight, catching the wind it chopped through, catching everything else between it and its target. She had the time to aim it. Right for his neck. One chop, one kill.
She told herself she wasn't enjoying this. Rather, it was necessary, she smiled to herself, that smile leaked to the world in a lot of teeth and wide, desperate, maddened, still beautiful and pure eyes, the little secret she knew and that Lucas would never get.
The same with the threat Lucas presented, even as he stood, as he towered over her, as he spoke with unwarranted venom in a voice whose purpose an innocent girl didn't understand. It never got any closer. His shadow spilled all over the ground, and vanished into the swarms of ants and other creepy, biting things below foot. Foot soldiers of the night, seeking shelter from the moon.
She regarded him calmly, with an almost approving nod, and the tiniest smirk that didn't formulate a presence on her face plating of a mask.
He'd finally found passion. To late to matter to her. Or for Tonya, or for Camille, or for whoever else he'd ever let down in his sorry life. She inclined her head a fraction. Began to back off, as the weight of her bag began to feel oppressive against her one hip. That was it then. He was one of them.
Lashing out. Never thinking. Kelly could give him some credit- he had a better reason than Carlson had, a fuel for his fire. Pathetically flicking. See, Kelly understood. She could read the subtext, it was something she was well trained for, all those years of simpering, being a good friend and a better person. All in the darkness clouding his eyes, the force trying to savage his throat. A final flicker of the light before it faded. He was angry because he was scared. Because he knew hopelessness.
Like Mercy, in the moments before she'd gone. Kelly understood it clear: she was doing poor, hapless, innocent and pathetic Lucas a friendly favor. He didn't understand what he was doing- she did. That was the difference.
She took little pleasure from the machete's weight feeling so natural in her tiny hand, as it whipped out of the carefully folded rolled up clothes it had been stuffed between. From her bag, catching the moonlight, catching the wind it chopped through, catching everything else between it and its target. She had the time to aim it. Right for his neck. One chop, one kill.
She told herself she wasn't enjoying this. Rather, it was necessary, she smiled to herself, that smile leaked to the world in a lot of teeth and wide, desperate, maddened, still beautiful and pure eyes, the little secret she knew and that Lucas would never get.
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TheLordOfAwesome
- Posts: 489
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Lucas' eyes widen in surprised when Kelly took a swing at him with a familiar looking weapon. Had he been a second too late she might have actually taken his head off. But he was able to move back quick enough to avoid worst of the attack. He wasn't quick enough, however, to avoid being touched by the blade. The very end of the blade slashed a cross him,catching him in the chin as he reared back and slicing it open. Adrenaline kicked in and the pain was mitigated somewhat, enough that he could at least focus on the threat in front of him.
For a moment he looked at her with a profound sense of shock and betrayal. But those feels were quickly overshadowed by a freshly renewed sense of anger.
He rushed forward, not willing to give her the chance at another attack. He grabbed at the wrist of the hand that held the weapon, while his free hand struck at her face with a quick punch. He pushed forward, applying his weight into her, forcing her to the ground. He reached for the machete, trying to force the blade out of her grasp.
For a moment he looked at her with a profound sense of shock and betrayal. But those feels were quickly overshadowed by a freshly renewed sense of anger.
He rushed forward, not willing to give her the chance at another attack. He grabbed at the wrist of the hand that held the weapon, while his free hand struck at her face with a quick punch. He pushed forward, applying his weight into her, forcing her to the ground. He reached for the machete, trying to force the blade out of her grasp.