The Original Kings of Comedy

[Sunnybunny]

It would have been easier if she'd gone crazy. Maybe she had, but it wasn't good enough to stop her thinking.

I wonder who hates me more, my parents or his?

Emotionally spent and physically worn, Sakurako hadn't managed to get far from the Shoe Tree. At some point she had just given up getting any further and parked it here. Any other time, the sight and potential view would have lifted her spirits, but it had only been hours since she'd become public enemy number one to herself.

Which was the main reason she sat on one of the benches instead of looking out. Jumping was tempting. Quite.

((Sakurako A. Jackson continued from All It Is Is Things That Happen To You))

Then again, if she died right now it would be the easy way out. If nothing else, the agony she felt in her heart was sufficient punishment for her crime. A fucked up reason to live, but it was the best she could do at the moment.

Naomi Watanabe, big fuckoff gun, sat next to her. It wasn't like she cared to use it, moreso that anyone wanting trouble with her would probably at least stop to chat first. Diplomacy.

Oddly enough, she was kind of... bored, now? Were killers allowed to feel like that? More than likely it was simply because this was the first time she'd been alone since the first day they'd gotten here. Shrugging to Naomi, she grabbed the vape from the cart behind her. Time to start some bad habits.

"Is it okay that I miss you like crazy? I'm pretty sure it's not, but..."

[Jilly]

Started from the bottom, now we... back to square one, but it was something, right?

((continued from exiting the east housing block))

She found herself in another part of the world after peacing out from Garnet and Robert Reed in the shotgun shack... oh right, and Yuka, too. She wandered around the art exhibit for a bit and, news flash, shit still sucked. But like, she kinda Got It now, or at least got how these villagers were some horny motherfuckers.

But anyway, yeah, here she was hood up and (metaphorically) coochie out picking her nails with the blood dyed knife while humming some song she knew but only kinda knew the general cadence of, second or third verse same as the first and ready to hit the town and paint it chartreuse. Or like, wander away from town or however she got here. You know what she meant.

She came upon some sort of clearing, or more like a drop point which like yeah cool vibes and everything but what was more important was the other person already chilling here. And what luck was it that it was this specific girl, chilling and looking kinda bored and lonely.

She looked around a bit, left and right a good distance from the bench, just to make sure no princesses were lying in wait. Coast seemed clear, so she stowed the knife and jump scared into frame from the backside of the bench looking particularly ratchet in the formerly-eggshell-but-now-kinda-dijon cult robes.

"Who d'ya miss?" Her tone mighta overshot sounding concerned and went full throttle into clingy ex girlfriend territory after all the lack of sleep and food but like, whatever.

[Sunnybunny]

Jump scares were the lowest form of horror, unless you were on Murder Murder Island, in which they were totally effective. The yip that Sakurako gave was totally undignified, and the sight of the robed figure only startled her more and was that a KK- okay!

Spooky robe. Not racist robe.

She recognized the voice. On the rare occasion that she was in the mood to party people watch, Teresa was always there whooping and wearing those outfits. Flighty-flighty, in the mix all light and airy. Wasn't she on the announcements at some point?

"Thing is, I didn't miss. 's kinda of the problem."

Sighing, she pointed to her face and the blood streaking it.

"Thomas, though. Tall, regular nerd turned theater geek, cute but unassuming?" Twirling the pen between her fingers, she blinked rapidly enough it almost hurt.

It didn't matter if Teresa knew him or not, really. Those things were still true, and tasted sweet as peaches even if it stabbed her heart like a knife.

[Buko]

I mean murderers, do ya feel me?
Real live murderers!
I thought black people killed people by accident...
Not these motherfuckers, these motherfuckers was murderers!

If it was a joke, it wasn’t very funny. If it was a joke, he didn’t quite get it.

Everywhere he went, it seemed murder and death followed. It had been that way since he had encountered Meilin in that infirmary. Ramsey was found shortly after that. Then Mei died. Then Jackson. Then Wyatt. Then Parker. Then Aliya. Then Ivy. Then Myles. Different deaths, different situations. Some he heard about, some he witnessed, some he perpetrated.

No matter which way you sliced it, death and Ace had become fast friends. Every day they became more and more familiar with one another. Not too familiar though, right? Witnessing the death of others makes you think about your own mortality in different ways. He thought about the situation with Parker and then the situation with Myles and Ivy. What was the common thread? A well-armed Ace Beats, in way over his head.

The hat on his head was facing forward, hiding the bloodied gauze around his ear and forehead, like some cheap, sweaty, raggity-ass headband. He was shirtless, his left shoulder wrapped in bandages going diagonally across his chest and wrapping around his back.

Two days, two bullet wounds and Ace Ortega wandered on.

[ Ace Beats Continued From: who is the lamb and who is the knife? ]

There was no aim or direction to his wandering—that much had been established and it was a character flaw he had stuck to throughout this ordeal. He could figure out his way around a gun. He could survive multiple gunfights—he could hardly read a fuckin’ map. He figured it was dumb luck that he had avoided walking into a danger zone. He didn't know whether he was dumber or luckier.

Por que no dos?

Reaching the clearing, he saw two girls ahead of him on bench. One already sitting and one approach the other. He recognized one, on like, hair alone. Sakurako Jackson, three lockers down. Pretty. Down to earth. The type of girl that Ace could've seen himself liking, if y'know, he had given those things thought before he had come out here on murder island. The type of girl his Mom would’ve really liked. His Mom had really liked Meilin. Ace had really liked Meilin, so he thought. Liking had counted for a lot back in Chattanooga…it didn’t count for much out here. He didn’t recognize the other girl off rip, he wasn’t good with names, he was better with faces. She was wearing a robe like Tirzah had been. He had to get him one of those, Clayton Bigsby vibes aside.

He gripped a pistol. His other guns were in his bag which laid on his side. The BR-18 had become too cumbersome to carry by hand. This was the same pistol Tirzah had when she had gotten the jump on Ace all those days ago. Now Tirzah was dead. Killed by Ivy. Now Ivy was dead. Killed by Ace. Well, killed by Myles who was provoked by Ace. Same difference though, right? He had knocked down them dominoes.

Just like you, taking credit for the work of others though, huh?

His hands trembled, the pistol pointed towards the ground. He never shot first. Except, y'know, when he did.

They were the first people he had seen since the morning. He thought of Aliya who died shortly after they had met. He thought of the people he last saw. He thought of this morning.

He thought of Tirzah walking out and getting the jump on him. He thought of Justin hitting him with that tire iron. He thought of Myles coming out with the gun. He thought of Parker getting hit with those bullets. He thought of Myles’ face when Ace walked out with the BR-18. He thought of Ivy’s dying eyes as she realized she had just been shot.

There was nothing fun about surprises at this party.

He gripped the pistol with his good hand, he struggled to raise his bad arm to his mouth and screamed…

“Hootie-hoo!”

[Jilly]

Aww, Sakurako yipped like a puppy. How cute. Also didn't pull the trigger, so like double winning.

The robed girl stood straight, kept her arms crossed as Sakurako gave the dox. Or like, part of it. Thomas was.... shit, was he the one that had the gun or the beanie dude pal'ing around that foursome a week ago? Eh, didn't matter.

"Yeah, I knew 'im. Why?"

...Oh.

Oooooooohhhhhhhhhhh.

She breathed out like a horse and hung her head low for a bit. "Shit, I'm sorry. Really gettin' tired of all this, ya know? I just got out of someone shooting at me outta a fucking closet, that little prick."

Partially true was still true, right? Roll back the tapes if you wanna get fucking pedantic about it.

Anyway, more importantly: the pen thing in Sakurako's hands. Aw shit, things were getting lit. More lit than on the boat, anyway; wonder if that pill even did anything to Yuka? Yuka never said anything and wasn't asked, so guess that was just lost knowledge now much like MTV Next.

"Fuck, mind if I hit off your Juul?" she asked, palms out with a suspicious mixture of browns and reds of all sorts bleeding into days old sweat

She turned around at some dude shouting hootie-hoo, rolled her eyes, and scooched a few inches closer to the bench.

[Sunnybunny]

Tired of this shit. Yeah, they had that in common. Normally when someone said sorry, you tried to say it was alright, but it would be an insult to Thomas's memory and her own feelings to lie like that.

She shook her head at Teresa's misadventures, which was what you called being shot at here.

"Talk about being trapped in the closet, huh?"

Heh.

"But yeah, have at it." Girl's hands were dirty dirty, but it still didn't quite compare to how unhinged Violet had looked. Just thinking about the state of that girl's hair made her shudder as she handed the pen over. "Go nuts for donuts."

She looked up then, smile blooming like a rose from concrete despite his gun and her best efforts, heart setting a tempo she knew by memory. Was this how Sean felt every time he saw that girl?

Had they all met up with their high school crushes, and was Tomtom getting to mack on Beryl this very second?

(she loved that idea, and hated that idea)

Ace wasn't even wearing a shirt, for crying out loud! Just wrapped up in bandages, and yeah maybe she'd daydreamed about him coming off the field like that and-

Her boyfriend's precious body probably wasn't even cold yet. But he could have been right here living it up if he hadn't been so-

"Yooooo! Come sit down, you look like somebody's mummy!"

Cool as a cucumber. Just like she'd acted around him, for years. It had been a fun challenge, and... she hated herself so much right now. So much more than she'd hated herself when she'd strolled up to her locker to find Meilin three doors down-

Own his own throne, the boss like King Koopa

Oh good grief, and she was dead too. Killed by Quinn, and here Sakurako the murderous thirstbucket was, semi-enjoying a beautiful view with a cute party girl.

Her smile faltered, then widened.

"Guess we're having a monster mash."

[Buko]

“Yeah, well…,” he tried to find words, to say something appropriate or cool—he settled for just saying whatever came to his mind first, “Everybody knows I’m a muthafuckin’ monster. I'll make myself at home.”

She spoke to him like it was normal. Like she had asked to borrow a pencil. Like everything was regular degular schmegular. Like it was all hunky dory and so was he. She called to him, the other girl rolled her eyes and what’d Ace do?

Shit, he listened. Like it was normal. Like she had asked to borrow a pencil. Like everything was regular degular schemegular. Hunky dory and so was he. He approached the bench slowly. One step at a time. Inch by inch, moment by moment—one foot in front of the other. Slow and steady. Stay focused. Be present. One step at a time. Inch by inch, moment by moment—one foot in front of the other.

He sat on one side of Saku, Teresa sat on the other. The pistol stayed in his off hand, resting against his side. His hands and his left leg shook as he sat down next to Saku. He placed his free hand on it and gripped his knee. He stopped shaking.

Two girls. Sakurako. Three lockers down. Just two girls. Sakurako. Three lockers down. It was okay. They weren’t gonna turn on him, he wasn’t gonna have to shoot…it was okay. He could sit down. He could calm down.

“Kinda feels like cheatin’ a bit, huh?”, he said to no one in particular, “Don’t think it makes sense to be out here and be, like, chillin’, hittin’ a vape and shit. Ain't really fair, considerin'...”

He said that one to himself, he looked towards the girl with the Juul. He tried to connect a name to a face—she was familiar. A party girl. A fast girl. The type his mother wouldn’t’ve liked. She wouldn’t’ve liked Ivy either. Ace hadn’t liked Ivy that much back at Chattanooga. Liking didn’t count for much out here.

“Cool if I bum a hit too?”

[Melusine]

From the cave into the woods followed by the night.

((Paloma continued from her past.))

It was how she spent her day. Moving from one point to another, always a little too aware of the smell of humidity and rotting corpses that gave the island this chaotic aura. It would be an interesting painting, something made into something surreal. It was the type of art she enjoyed to make but that didn't sell a lot, nobody wanted evocative pictures that made you feel something you didn't like. They all wanted the same portraits.

Her bandages were, once again, soaked and, once again, changed into clean ones. The baseball bat rested on her shoulder like a sword, ready to swing down at whoever came her way. She felt safe with it, the bat had been the most helpful tool she would have found. If only it was given to her for free, the bat would actually be a profit in this margin of trial and errors.

Instead, she lost everything. She was still picking herself back up, finding little pieces of her scattered throughout the island. She hoped the people in the distance held a fragment of her. She squinted, trying to figure out who they were. There was a cult person, a dude who shouldn't speak that loud, and a lady with nice hair.

She shrugged and walked forward, quietly.

[Jilly]

"Thanks, Queen," THE BARONESS OF VAPE smiled back, grabbing the pen and shoving it in her face hole like a USB dongle without hesitation.

Wow, this hit different. That citric tingle in the mouth, smoke puffing out like a fog machine at a bad metal concert, lungs getting waterboarded. Probably hadn't had a hit since #swiftball, and even then it hit like the first time all the way back with Axel. Shit, he could blow the best smoke rings and shit this side of the Mississippi. He'd get a kick—oh, right. He was dead, too. Man.

...She just watched Ace and Sakurako as they kicked the shit and talked the talk and walked the walk and shit. Wasn't he running around naked at #swiftball, too? Maybe it really was a graveyard smash.

She pulled out the pen and blew out a few shitty, malformed rings that disappated by the drop point of the cliff before handing it over to Ace. "Knock yourself out, Cowboy."

Something moved out of the corner of her eye. She turned around and, well, what'dya know. She just nodded her head, silently saying "'Sup?"

[Sunnybunny]

Feeling like cheatin'?

Boy really was in her head, huh? It would have been a good time for particularly relevant Hamilton lyrics, but she knew that wasn't happening now. Could you lift your voice if you couldn't lift your spirits?

How perverse would she be if she let herself off the hook, just for a moment? Even a second?

"It's fucked up, yeah?" Her whole body was taut, a bow string wrapped too tight. "Feels like I should have a scarlet L on my forehead or something, but what can you do?"

He'd died for her to have a chance at living. Not a sure shot, even. It was what Sakurako thought she could do for them to get home, but The Plan was buried in an ashy grave, it's participants a litany in her head. Whose life was it, anyway?

Tears running down her face, she cackled at Teresa's sad attempt at smoking fancy.

"Have you not seen T- that cat and Jerry? You gotta purse your lips like you're about to kiss ze girl."

As an example, Sakurako gave them her most hideous duckface, ready for the gram. Before she could say more, someone approached, all shadowy and mysterious. Potentially dangerous.

Of course, the designated fool called out to them.

"If you're gonna sit with us we're gonna have to lap up!"

She glanced at Ace, trying her damndest not to think about his lap and failing miserably. Still tearing up, still laughing, she hoped for calm and prepared to shots to ring out.

Peace was best, but unlike her, Naomi could still sing.

[Buko]

“Thanks.”

The vape pen slipped from her hand to his, it danced between his fingers for a few moments. Ace had never smoked before. Running back, remember? Track speed, know anything ‘bout it? That meant strong lungs on the field and baby lungs in the basement.

The peace of the situation made him uneasy. Thoughts of Hel and Aliya, thoughts of Garren and Myles and Ivy. If there was a calm on this island--it was probably before a storm. Beats savored the calmness anyway. Ace had always been comfortable in groups. The ability to get lost in a crowd and let people’s idea of you take more root than the truth. The truth wasn’t so pretty, it turned out. That was a truth that he had always known and always been afraid to admit. It was also a truth that was pretty impossible to deny.

Things on the island went 0-100, real quick (real fuckin’ quick) and they didn’t slow down for nuthin’ or nobody.

Saku made a face at them and Ace smiled. It was sad but it was funny--she was trying and that felt relatable. He didn’t know Saku that well…but the idea of her was fine enough. Nice girl, three lockers down. The type his Mom would’ve liked--you got the basic pretty much down already. Pretty…but she didn’t know it. Good looking and goofy. Ace saw a lot of himself in Saku and in ways that were obviously projection. Liking someone was easy and it didn't count for much. There was familiarity there all the same and familiarity brought with it comfort. It just sucked that in this situation comfortable was uncomfortable. Ace was a thief though, through and through, so he took whatever he could and whenever the opportunity presented.

The other girl, nameless in his mind although familiar in his sight, brought an equal but opposite reaction. She was unfamiliar and yet, he felt like he knew her all the same—let’s stick with obvious projections. Hispanic and small. Pretty and promiscuous--he only knew one of those for certain and inferred the other based on hallway impressions and fleeting daydreams. Her heritage reminded him of home, her history reminded him of Ivy--he never looked at her as an individual or a person. Thoughts of Ivy turned to thoughts of Ivy's body which turned to thoughts of Meilin and her body. Not good thoughts. Fucked up, bloody thoughts.

Beats inhaled that vape as quickly as he could.

Ace had never smoked, never hit a vape, never saw a dead body, never had sex, never killed a man, never had a real girlfriend, never gone through a bad break up. The vape tasted of citrus and metal and his lungs expanded like a bag of microwave popcorn.

Then came the choking, the coughing, the spitting.

“Sh-sh-sh-sh-shhhhiiiiiit.”

Ace handed it back to the chick that wasn’t Saku and got up from the bench, quickly. More coughing followed by some more. Tears came out his eyes. His hands found his knee. His pack weighed him down and the gun felt just as awkward resting against his knee as it did still gripped in his hand. He lifted his vision to see another girl approach. Girls, girls, girls—Ace had been a varsity football player and still hadn’t found himself around that many. Murder island was a weird time to go through your Casanova phase. God worked in fucked up ways.

“Duh-duh-don’t start nu-nu-nu-no shit,” he sputtered and coughed, “Wontbenoshit.”

More to himself than to anyone else.

[Melusine]

They were... smoking?

Well, that was one thing to do here. Paloma couldn't judge. She would totally do the same if she had a smoke on her. As she passed toward the cloud, its-

"Guck," she hacked, "what the fuck."

-smell suddenly filling up her nose with a sickly sweet pineapple miasma.

Paloma took a step back, cocking her head to the side. She threw away any deathmatch decorum out of the window, this wasn't something she had expected as she sneaked up behind the group. Really, she just wanted to know what they were talking about on their tenth day here, but she had found something better.

"What the fuck is that," she said pointing the suspect, "are you- are you vaping?"

Oh my god.

[Jilly]

Sakurako's infectious smile and Ace's baby lungs proved too much for the kvlt girl as she joined the round with laughter and shallow coughs of her own, back of one hand hiding her own mouth while the other gave Ace a few sympathy pats on the shoulder. Ha ha....... ha........ what the fuck were they doing.

After she calmed down, she took another drag off the vape pen.

Paloma seemed shocked and appalled, clutching her pearls at the revelries and audacity like smoking was just short of murder or something. The kvlt girl just kept puffing like a fog machine, popped it out in her hand again along with a second failure of an attempt at the ring trick even with Sakurako's guidance (maybe the angle of the dangle wasn't right or sum'n, geology was never her strong suit). She handed it back to Sakurako while keeping her eyes on the new newcomer and her big bloody baseball bat.

"Yeah, you want in? Or are ya gonna narc on us?"

[Sunnybunny]

Ace the magic dragon huffed and puffed, seemed like he was about to blow his own house down. It was the kind of thing that would knock the image of a cool football boy down to Earth, but you didn't share something as intimate as almost-locker space without seeing a few snafus. Besides, it was cute, okay? Pathetic, but still cute. Again the pangs of guilt came, this time from knowing that Sean would have really enjoyed having a smoke.

"If you die from a bad hit I swear they'll be dropping bars about it forever. Is that what you want left on your soundcloud, Beats?"

More tears more laughter more smiles.

The mystery figure was Paloma, the person who'd started the murder party. Apparently vaping was worse, wasn't that just like a kid? She was years younger than the rest of them, Sakurako was pretty sure, and that was enough to cry on her behalf.

Just a little. Drops in a sea of sorrow.

Taking the stick from Teresa, the party girl who couldn't do smoke rings for shit, Sakurako breathed the sweetish smoke into her lungs and held it as long as she could. One... two... three, it burned like a bitch, like love, like the image of Thomas's dead body on her eyelids. She coughed, scooted over a little more into the other girl's space.

"Nobody likes a snitch, girlie. Don't you want to be cooool like us?"

Peer pressure peer pressure pr- okay, her body was shaking with laughter. Everything just kept being funny, she couldn't help it.

[Buko]

It felt wrong.

It was wrong--all of it. But that was nothing new. Things hadn't felt right in many days.

Still, this situation was too casual. Too normal. Too regular. A regular ol’ gathering of murderers, just talkin’ casually and vaping. They were not entitled to this. Beats didn’t deserve it—but had that ever stopped him before? Ace hadn’t cried tears of sadness or guilt or anger in days. The only tears he had left came from the sun and pain. The tears on his cheek from coughing felt almost like a blessing. It felt good to simply feel them again.

“Yeah…,” he responded to Saku with a downcast expression, wiping tears from his eyes, “That would suck, huh?”

It came out half-hearted, but at this point, half a heart was better than none, right? Glass half-full, half-empty situation. Ace didn’t know which applied more out here. The third girl approached, incredulous at the scene and Ace straightened his posture and tightened the grip on his pistol. There was a thought, in the corner of his mind and in the crevice of his heart, of shooting all three of these girls. Right now, right this second--just closing his eyes and spraying the scene. In for a penny, in for a pound. Once you cross the line, no crossing back. What’s five murders to two?

Ace hadn’t meant to kill Parker and he only meant to kill Myles when things went too far—how much of that was just excuses for his selfishness and ego? Why did he want justice for Meilin and for Jackson and for Aliya and for…himself.

What was he hiding for? Who was he hiding from?

He swallowed the coldness and buried the cruel and callous part of his brain underneath his discomfort. Ace wallowed in that discomfort for a few seconds. Savored it. This was a good hurt and pain. Ace rode out and embraced the feelings that came. His shoulder ached and burned, his head pounded and his heart was broken several times over.

It was good to feel something though, right? Something different. Anything, really. There couldn't be joy without pain and when pain came so often, you learned to appreciate the joy. Any was plenty.

His grip loosened. Just a regular conversation in a regular situation with regular people. Nothing to be scared of. No need to ruin it.

“Don’t feel pressure to hit that thing,” he offered to the new arrival, “I think once was one time too many.”