The Gang Goes Out For Breakfast

[Maraoone]

((Diego Larrosa continues from The Bell Tolls For Our Funeral))

Diego kneeled into the soil along a dirt path, behind some rocks. He'd seen a hint of something triangular, leafy here, and he found it. A fern. He felt around beneath the soil for the root, dirt digging into the notches underneath his fingernails, pebbles and branches embedding into the knees of his jeans. He'd done stuff like this several times before. It was normal, and it wasn't. He typically gardened wearing rubber gloves, a long-sleeved white shirt, jeans, and he only had the latter at the moment. He typically gardened with Drew, Declyn, Cam, Theo, and he only had the latter two at the moment. The island interfered with everything in one way or another, be it basic human nature and decency, or Diego's gardening routine. Normal felt alien here.

He could choose to focus on Drew not being around. Well, that was a lie. It was more something that hummed in the background, than a conscious, active choice. Most of the time they gardened, it was as a group. Every time he looked over and only saw two of his friends with him, he noticed it. There was regret in the fact that he'd never even been given the chance to see him. Pain, if he thought further about it. So, he didn't.

The little rocks continued to make dents in his knees as he bent over, felt for the roots. He chose to focus on that. It was very early in the morning, early enough that the announcements hadn't arrived yet, and yet it felt so hot already. Sweat dripped from his forehead, neck, coated his torso. Locks of hair stuck to his skin. All these sensations revolted him, on some level, and it was funny. He'd seen, felt worse than that, and he could choose to remember exactly what he'd seen and felt, but not now. He was almost thankful Billy had stolen his shirt, provided him some reprieve from the heat. He wasn't actually thankful, of course, he could go fuck himself, but those feelings could also stay by the wayside for now.

The leaves brushed against his hands, tickled him slightly. He chose to focus on that. Despite the fact that gardening was his main hobby, he somewhat hated getting down and dirty. It was why he liked having gloves in particular, it insulated him from all the dirt. But, he could appreciate the fronds brushing against him. It felt nice, calming. The context was somewhat different, in that these plants weren't to be transferred or replanted. No new life to be propagated. And, he typically preferred working with succulents and air plants himself, back home. They were more low-maintenance, needed less water. More interesting, too. But, there was appeal too in these tropical plants, they had their own sort of beauty. It was a shame they'd be dining on these plants in a few minutes, but a small shame in the scheme of things, and one that could also be left behind. Instead, he looked to his side.

He had Cam and Theo with him, helping him look for more edible plants. He chose to focus on that, too. With three people and two bags worth of supplies, the need for extra food, water became pressing. So, before they set out to look for Declyn, they would look for some food. And, that was astonishing, frankly. After everything he'd done, after everything he'd been through, after a week of all that, he was still here with them. He still had friends to look for food with. There was awkwardness after last night, after he'd almost walked out on them. On his part, there was lingering shame at having ever allowed himself to feel that way, at having given in to that dam of emotions. He always felt a bit dead the day after crying, a bit drained. But, he also felt drained like he'd just finished a good book, played a good game. Relaxed, satisfied. Whether he was spent or satisfied was something he wasn't sure of, really. But, whatever the case, conversations felt more stilted than they would be back in Hunter High, more stop-and-go. But, there were conversations, at the very least. And there were people to have conversations with, people that actually cared about him.

He'd been afforded the chance to worry about the small things, for once, so he would take the chance, focus on that. These first world problems were luxuries, at this point in time.

Diego let out a sigh of relief. He'd finally found the root. With a grunt, he pulled out the fern, and tore his teeth into the leaves. He probably should've rinsed it off, but he only now just realized that he'd been longing for something other than carbs, something other than the cardboard-chewiness of the rations the terrorists had afforded them. The fern tasted leafy, grassy, oddly salty, but Diego savored the dew and rain droplets gathered on top.

He turned over to Cam and Theo and cracked a smile, fern held proudly, leaves in his teeth.

"Breakfast, anyone?"

[BlizzardeyeWonder]

[Camilla Bell continued from The Bell Tolls For Our Funeral]

Camilla was sitting, taking a moment to examine the plant in her hands when she heard Diego, and looked his way. She smiled at him.

That morning she decided to go through the trouble of putting on the necklace only to tuck it under her shirt. It felt right, at least, to have it around as an anchor to a saner world, happier times. With that anchor came hope, that at least something can be salvaged, from that world. Saved, from that time. Even this simple activity, gardening, helped.

If Declyn and Drew were with them, it would have been just like old times.

But it was a mistake on her part to be so single-minded yesterday. Well, was it? Everyone wanted to find Declyn as soon as possible, she thought. Right? Have the whole crew together. But maybe a little levity would have been nice.

She took note of the fern that Diego held, already happily chewing at it. She observed how it hadn't been rinsed. She couldn't really blame him for being hungry or wanting food, though. After all, back home she'd be the first to insist everybody have a bite to eat.

"We should probably rinse that first," she gently chided, still keeping her smile.

[Jan de Witt]

(Theophilus 'Theo" Walterson continued from I Don't Wanna Be Myself)

When Theo woke up, the tensions between the three gardeners had finally settled into something more stable. He no longer shied away from the others, now. But even so, there was a certain unspoken agreement not to delve too deeply into each others' affairs. He had originally planned to ask Diego what had happened before their unexpected reunion, but the quiet anxiety he sensed dissuaded Theo from doing so.

In spite of all his suspicions, he couldn't deny that being back with (some of) the club's members and simply exploring nature, without the weight of sudden was a relief. Careful work interspersed with amiable chatter; for all its differences, he couldn't help feeling that they were back home, simply gardening as their worries and fears simply floated away. The nostalgia he felt was bittersweet, naturally, but comforting all the same.

He was checking the nearby trees for edible fruits when Diego announced his discovery, but he quickly ran over to join them. Smiling cheerfully, he nodded briefly Camilla's comment, and instead focused on Diego. "That was really quick of you Diego! I wonder how they'll taste once they're ready?"

[Maraoone]

"I mean, I think it's ready already. Salty, leafy, nature-y. Not stale, days-old. So, basically, 100% better than what we got."

Diego continued chewing, licking the leaves off his teeth. It had been so long since he'd tasted... anything, really. And then, he registered a certain earthy undertone, some grit in his mouth. His face soured.

"Rinsing's probably a good idea too, though."

He spat out the mouthful of fern, and wiped sweat off his forehead with the back of his hand. He realized, belatedly, that his hands were dirty, and he'd left streaks of mud on his face. Fuck. It wasn't like he'd look significantly worse, but, again, the sensation. He couldn't even spare any water to rinse it off, considering the state of their supplies. But, whatever. It was what it was. And, again, small problems. They'd probably pass by one body of water or another later on, he'd take care of it then. A small problem with a small solution. It was refreshing, really.

He turned again to the others. "You guys find anything else? Any fruits or root crops or-"

And then the announcer spoke.

[BlizzardeyeWonder]

Camilla raised her hand, the plant she held still in it. However, the announcements interrupted her. Rude.

...the halfway point of the game. For some reason, that kept sticking to Camilla's mind even as she tried to pay attention to the announcements. Something about a fire. It'd been seven days, and half of them were gone. Wyatt's dead, Tirzah killed him, one of the day one killers, at least she didn't have to worry about him anymore. She wondered how his twin was- oh right, his twin was dead too. What about his side chick, was she still alive? Something about Erika getting another kill. Right, Wyatt's side chick. Oh shit Camille died. Anyway, it was kind of hard to tell whether she- the side chick- was alive because she couldn't remember her name. Oh holy shit, Henry killed someone! But it was a player, Marco, so it was okay. And Justin killed someone else- wait, didn't Henry mention Jackson that one time? Also, was she the only Cam left? Cammy died pretty early, one-L Camila was dead, and now- oh, more kills from Justin. Hey, wasn't Lorenzo one of Declyn's guy-pals? They had to get a move on, find Declyn before he- wait wait wait that was Quinn oh wait she was dead. Huh.

She blinked, and rubbed her eyes. That was a lot to remember. In fact, she was already starting to forget a lot of it. Who killed Camille again? Fuck. They stopped talking.

Camilla stared up at the source of the now-quieted sound, and heaved a long sigh.

[Jan de Witt]

It turned out that rinsing the plants was essential to their hygienic consumption. Theo cringed slightly as he watched Diego consume them, and he was unable to keep the distaste from infecting his tone of voice. "Perhaps we should take a quick detour to the lake once we're done here?"

But the announcements put a quick end to their conversation, and he sighed with his typical disinterest. His indifference vanished quickly enough, though, as he realized just who might end up on the list of the dead. Fortunately, Declyn didn't show up on the announcements at all, but then neither did they get any hints as to his location.

Surprisingly, the most notable deaths of the day were mostly those of repeated killers; a sure sign, Theo hoped, of a game rapidly approaching its end. His suspicions were confirmed when the halfway point was announced, but other than that he had already lost interest in the whole topic. Even the elimination of some of the biggest killers would do nothing to change that a (no doubt bloody) end was in sight, and that none of them were particularly likely to be the last one standing.

Theo watched the reactions wished Declyn were here with them ever more strongly than before. Not out of sentiment, but for his unique talent of knowing just what he needed to say to bring their fears to rest, to ease any tensions, to simply make everyone forget about the situation they were in. He sighed dispiritedly, but he knew nothing he could say would change anything that they felt. He settled for an anodyne "Are you okay?", but the answer was already clear.

[Maraoone]

“In a battle of killers, Tyrell Lahti came out on top and sent Lorenzo Tavares plummeting off the mansion balcony to his demise. Whether you like him or not you have to admit that boy knows how to kill in style.”

"Huh."





"Who's fucking useless now?"

Diego muttered the words to himself, and they hurt. He tested the words on his lips again, tasted them, and they hurt. They were Lorenzo's parting words to him, after Diego had killed Mike, and it was supposed to feel so good to turn those words back on him. Diego was the useless one out of the two of them, he'd said, and yet who was the one still alive?

He wasn't even good enough to be a human shield for Lorenzo, and yet he was the one still alive.

Diego was still alive, and he wasn't, and that was just karma having its say, right? Lorenzo had thrown him away, acted like he wasn't necessary, and he didn't even last a day without him. The words Diego had just said should've come out of his mouth, and he should've been done with it, should've moved on from it, but they stung. The words dug into him, his throat felt blocked, he wanted to throw up.

It hurt. It hurt, and Cam and Theo wouldn't understand, they'd never understand. He'd confessed some of his sins to Cam last night, but not this one, never this one. He'd told her he found Lorenzo, went with him, but he'd never explained why he went with Lorenzo, why him out of all the killers and robbers and monsters on this island. And, he could never explain it to them, he couldn't, because if the fact that he was a murderer didn't drive them away, then maybe this would. They just saw him as someone in the wrong place at the wrong time, they didn't understand yet that he'd sought that danger, that he'd watched as Lorenzo pummeled Emil's face into mush and followed him anyways.

That he still longed for it after everything.

He rose to his feet, the fern fell from his hands, his feet moved backwards by themselves.

"Guys, I just. I need to take a walk."

Theo was looking at him, he'd just asked if he was okay, he wasn't, but they didn't need to know that.

"I'm- I'll be back, just wait here for me. Cam, if I don't come back, I'll have nothing"—the urge to throw up intensified, why did those words hurt so much?—"so, don't worry, I'll be back."

He turned around, away from them, his pace picked up.

"I just"—his voice broke, he sounded childish, reedy, he hated himself—"I need a few moments to myself, I'll be back."

The last three words came in an uneven tone, almost suffixed with a question mark, but they weren't, because he couldn't bear to do that to Cam again.

He continued walking away. If they called out for him, he either didn't hear it, or refused to hear it.

((Diego Larrosa continues in Untrust Us))

[BlizzardeyeWonder]

Camilla didn't say anything, at first. She wanted to say she understood, but she didn't, not really. But it was obvious that the announcement said something that affected him, maybe it was Lorenzo dying, or maybe she missed that bit. But yeah, it affected him, and he needed a breather. She got that- she was in the same situation herself. It turned out to be a bad idea in hindsight, but that had to be because she left Bert alone. Camilla wasn't alone, so it was okay.

She nodded, to Diego.

"We'll be near here."

And then he left.

Camilla looked back to the plant in her hand, then Theo. Expectantly? There was nothing to expect.

[Jan de Witt]

Diego muttered to himself while Theo asked his question. But instead of answering he got up, made his excuses, and left. This time, though, he didn't try to stop Diego, and he allowed him to leave without comment, watching him leave for only a moment before he turned away. Camilla stared at him, and he shifted uncomfortably, even as he wondered what, exactly, the source of his discomfort might be.

The optimism that had been so pervasive just a few minutes earlier had passed, and when Diego was finally gone he found that he had no more cheerful reassurances left to give. Another silence descended, but this time it was a quietude born of discomfort rather than unspoken unity.

Eventually, he coughed lightly to break the silence, and in a careful tone, he finally asked Camilla the question he had been longing to ask. "What exactly did you and Diego do last night? He seems a little different today". He smiled to hide his suspicion, but inwardly he wondered whether either of them were hiding something from him.

[BlizzardeyeWonder]

Camilla recognized Theo's smile as The Best Medicine. Probably didn't have the same name or significance, but she recognized it nonetheless.

"Basically, he... he got up in the middle of the night and he wanted to leave," she began, tactfully leaving out the part where Diego tried to take some of her stuff with him.

"Said he was scared. Said he thought we didn't want him around since, well, you know," she said, with a tilt of the head. Too casual for the obvious statement of he killed a man, but she trusted Theo would know what she was talking about.

"He asked about Drew. I told him," she continued. Theo didn't need a repeat of what happened with Drew. She wished she could talk with Drew. "And yeah, I asked him what his deal with Mike was. And he told me. About how he found Lorenzo early on and like... being with anyone is better than being alone, yeah?"

At least, that's what she gleaned from it. After all, she'd felt the same. She still did, she was just with a better crowd now.

"So yeah... Lorenzo. Mike. Snap decision. He regrets it a lot, but that was obvious from the get-go."

That may have been an exaggeration, and she wondered if Theo even read Diego's behaviour as that.

"But I told him that I still wanted him around. Because well... he's like my family, yeah? I love him like family. I love all of you like family. And that's why I wanted us to stay together."

Camilla stared forward, letting the words hang in the air.

Then she started laughing, mirthlessly. Nervously.

She wanted to talk to Drew.

[Jan de Witt]

Camilla's answer was, all things considered, remarkably vague, the sentences clipped and hinting at something unspoken. Theo's doubts grew, and when she finally informed him of Diego's supposed regret he regarded her skeptically. Was he being too pessimistic? Perhaps. And yet, he doubted her all the same.

The sincerity he was used to only returned when she finally explained her motives for keeping Diego with them. He felt surprised at how easily Camilla referenced love and family, at her confidence in the sincerity of others' intentions. He felt embarrassed by the doubts he had so quickly entertained in her, in everyone, when everyone else he had met seemingly chose to trust with all their hearts.

He was just about to thank her for her generosity when she suddenly started laughing. And not in a friendly or cheerful fashion either; this laughter hinted at much darker thoughts. He stepped away fearfully, and when he finally mustered up the courage to ask her something, he did so tentatively. "So ... you don't ... see us like that anymore?". He exhaled heavily. Did he come to appreciate her trust only too late? Or was it his own actions that had led to this? He clenched his fists in anticipation.

[BlizzardeyeWonder]

Camilla stopped, her breath catching.

"Huh? I... oh, I..."

She laughed at the wrong time, again.

"I do, I'm sorry, it's just... kind of ironic, that I said I wanted us all to be together, just to let Diego go like that," she explained, a little panicked. "Though he said he'd be back. And well..."

She leaned her arm on her knee. With a sigh, she stared back into the distance.

"It's not the same without Drew, is it? Like we're not really together anymore, when Drew's-"

She motioned her head upwards, to the heavens.

"When one of us is gone and never coming back. And Declyn isn't..."

Camilla stopped, and took a deep breath in.

"But like... this is still the best we can do. That still counts for something. It counts for so much. Sorry about that, again."

Besides, Diego couldn't be gone that long, right?

[Jan de Witt]

Theo visibly relaxed when Camilla denied his assumption, and he nodded sympathetically as she described her worries and struggles. "You shouldn't feel guilty, you know. Everything that we've been doing, that you've been doing, has been the best solution available. It would have been selfish to force Diego to stay with us. We can't go looking for Declyn if it means we lose Diego. And Drew...".

He looked away from her and took a deep breath. "And Drew was already injured when we found him. He would have died no matter what we did. So, thank you for trying." Trembling despite the heat, he slowly lowered himself to the ground. "I doubt if I could do even half of what you've done for us already." He meant his words sincerely, but even he noticed the unsubtle envy in his words, a bizarre mixture of outward resentment and self-castigation. Suddenly ashamed, he got up and sat just far enough away to signal an end to the conversation.

-----

Theo was quieter than usual for the next few hours, but as the sun began to set and they continued to wait for Diego's arrival, his mood darkened. No matter how much he might have hated them, his doubts continued to gnaw at him. True, Diego hadn't actually taken anything from them, but how could Theo be sure that his departure was well-intentioned? Cam had said Diego was working with Lorenzo earlier, hadn't she? Maybe he was alerting some other killer to their position. He knew that such an attempt would probably be less than rational given Diego's current capabilities, but he found it hard to fully trust Diego nonetheless. And so his doubts continued to fester, as he waited (perhaps in vain) for their group to be complete once more.

[BlizzardeyeWonder]

She smiled at Theo.

"Couldn't have done it without you."

------

So Diego didn't come back that soon.

She'd wanted to wait for him to get back before heading off to a stream or something, but as the sun rose high in the sky and there was no sign of him coming back, she wrapped what they found in the... gauze? She was gonna call it gauze. In essence, the plants she found were wrapped up and in the first aid kit's box now. Hopefully that wouldn't come back to bite them.

But as the two of them were waiting in silence, Camilla had the time to think- about Drew, specifically. Beryl and Regina too. Especially about how sure she was that the three of them were in heaven, how she'd assumed God took them into heaven because well, they were wonderful flowers in a garden that He decided to pick. She remembered, though, her whole thing in middle school, back when Mom first really started getting into all that religious stuff, and how she thought the idea of heaven was stupid.

Once she asked her mom if she'd go to heaven. She said that she was a baptized christian, of course she'd go to heaven. Or something like that. Anyway, the thing that stuck with Camilla was the answer wasn't something like "you're a good person, of course you'll go to heaven". It was "you (presumably) follow God's commands, of course you'll go to heaven."

Really, what Camilla should have taken away from it was that heaven was not somewhere you went because you were good. It was somewhere you went for being christian. So really, Camilla couldn't know if Drew, Beryl, and Regina were in heaven, even if they were good people.

Camilla glanced up at the sky. It was red.

"Hey Theo?" she asked, absentmindedly. "You ever think about the afterlife?"

[Jan de Witt]

It was Camilla who finally broke the silence between them, with, perhaps predictably, questions about the afterlife. It had never really been his area of interest. He looked down thoughtfully. "I don't really think about it, no. When you die, you're no longer able to affect anything in this world, so i don't think whatever happens afterwards matters very much to the rest of us. And even if there wasn't one, we'd never be able to prove it, so I don't think about such things. It's just not that relevant to the people who're left here." He shook his head.

He wondered at her motives. Maybe she was still feeling stressed about Diego? "I suppose I've always thought of what happens to those who are left behind as being more important. But, I think, once you're dead, either you probably won't feel anything, or it's probably something pleasant? I can't think of any benevolent god would punish people for succumbing to sins. It's very easy, after all." He waved vaguely at their surroundings. "Don't you think so?"