One Taught Me Love, One Taught Me Patience...

[Laurels]

((Katrina Lavell continued from Freedom is a fleeting dream, an ephemeral hope, a transient wish in the wind.))

((All Sierra and Willow bits approved))

Katrina stood over the bodies of Yuko and Felix. The two lay on the floor of the backroom of the house they died in. Katrina quietly breathed in and out as Sierra and Willow got everything ready. Amazingly, Katrina managed to remember the way back to the house. It had been a long walk through the rain, chilling Katrina a bit, even with her denim jacket offering some protection. It felt like a real funeral procession, although Katrina had to hum Amazing Grace to herself during the walk. She tried to keep it down so it wouldn't bother Sierra or Willow, so she only did it for a short bit. Besides, there was more to think about.

Once they arrived in the house, they found Felix and Yuko were still in the house. Yuko had been moved out of the bedroom and into the living room. Katrina wondered if that was Demetri or Charelle, or if someone else had been to the same house since they left. The trio agreed to move the bodies into the back room, and worked to carry them in. Once they were there, they scavenged for some extra sheets and curtains they could use to cover them. Before they could cover the bodies, Katrina spoke.

"Hey, can I have a moment? Just, before we do anything else?"

Sierra and Willow quietly gave their approval and exited the room. Katrina kept her gaze on Felix and Yuko as she heard the door to the room shut. She sighed, then started to walk around the room. She stepped around, passing over the bloodstain on the floor from where she killed Yuko. She tried to nimbly step over it like it was lava, shuddering as she did. She then noticed the window in the room was still open. Some rain had gotten into the house, along with a few leaves and small branches. She walked over and forced the window shut. Katrina stared out the window, looking into the forest where she had made her escape after her accidental murder.

"I know I'm supposed to say I'm sorry," she said aloud. "And I really am."

Katrina turned back and looked at Felix and Yuko.

"But I know it's not enough," she continued. "I know it won't make anything better. It won't make anyone forgive me, it won't bring you guys back, and it won't save me in the end."

She stepped over to the bodies. She knelt to the ground and began to shuffle through her assigned bag. She reached in and found the first aid kit and opened it.

"I know I can tell myself there's at least something I can do for you. I know I can momentarily believe that."

Katrina pulled out the scissors from the first aid kit. She reached over and grabbed one of the curtains they took down.

"But I know it won't be enough in the end," she said, starting to cut the curtain into a long, rectangular piece of cloth. "It won't mean anything unless I do something after I leave this place. Unless I prove I learned something and avoid the same mistakes."

Katrina grabbed the bottle of alcohol from the kit and wet the cloth with it. She would have liked to do this with water, but considering how scarce water was, she decided to use something else. She pulled up Yuko's shirt, exposing the horrific cut across her chest. The bleeding had stopped, but the area still looked and smelled pretty bad.

"And I know, I don't think I'll be able to immediately change," she said, starting to wipe the cloth over the wound. "My mom said that people are like the universe. We're constantly expanding and giving off energy. Sure, the universe may burn out someday, but that's just what happens to all life. We'll constantly grow and change, radiating out, but when the end comes, there will still remain some part of us."

Katrina chuckled.

"Honestly, I'm probably paraphrasing it incorrectly. I don't think I paid as much attention to my mom's motivational speaking as I should have. Or I listened to the wrong parts and ignored the ones that would really help me in life."

Katrina stopped wiping. The wound didn't look a whole lot better, but there wasn't as much dried blood. She folded the cloth over and wet it with alcohol again, starting to do the same to Felix.

"So I know I royally screwed that up," she said. "I know I shouldn't have been so tense and shouldn't have attacked Tyrell, even if it was accidental. I know it got both of you killed, even if I'm only considered a murderer towards Yuko. But I blame myself for your death too, Felix. Deep down, I know it's my fault."

Felix wasn't going to look much better with the wound in his head, so she didn't spend as much time on their injury. Katrina stopped working and stared at the bodies.

"But don't worry. I know I'm going to be better because I'll try to be better. I know a lot of people are going to die here, myself likely included. But I'm not going to be a coward. I'll try to be stronger than the day before. I'll try to be someone others can trust and rely on. I won't be the sword equivalent of trigger-happy, whatever that's called. And, if I can, I'll try to get people off this island. If I'm going to die, it'll be as a hero, not a coward. I don't know how I'll do it, but trust me. I'll try to be serious from now on, and I won't lose myself. And..."

Katrina felt herself choking up.

"And if I can... I'll explain myself to Yuki and Yuka. I'll do whatever I can to save them. If I can't live, I'll make sure they can."

Katrina exhaled.

"So, I hope you guys are watching me from Heaven. Because I'll make sure you're proud of me when I join you soon. I'll be the best version of Katrina Elizabeth Lavell there is. In fact, I guess it's time I at least get my act together, starting now."

Katrina stood up. She noticed there was a mirror over to the side of the room. She walked over to the dresser, taking her issued bag with her. She stood before the mirror and looked over herself. Even through the old mirror, she could tell she was a mess. Her hair was drenched and coming undone. Her makeup was running a bit too. She sighed and began to go through her bag.

In a few moments, Katrina had removed the headband and let her hair down, trying to pat it dry with another bit of the cut curtain. She traded her monogrammed t-shirt for her Kennedy Center shirt and her skirt for a pair of shorts she had packed. She had put a pair of sneakers in her bag on the bus in case her boots got too uncomfortable, so she switched the shoes out. She had cleaned her makeup off and put on a very minimal amount. It was then she noticed the scissors from her first aid kit, sitting near her after she used it to cut more cloth. She paused for a moment, then looked back at her reflection in the old mirror.

She brushed her hair in front of her shoulders. She then moved her hands up, trying to measure her hair out in relation to her shoulders, then her chin. She tilted her head as she studied her reflection, then looked back at the scissors. She began to reach for the scissors, but then stopped. She looked back at her reflection, moving her hair close to her chin. She then shook her head.

"Nah, I don't have the bone structure," she said.

Katrina put the scissors back in her first aid kit. She then grabbed her makeup bag and reached in. She pulled out a few hair clips, bobby pins, and hair ties. Just because she was going to be more serious and change for the better didn't mean she had to completely abandon her personal preferences. After a few minutes, Katrina had her long hair braided down her back. She had a few clips and pins in place to keep her bangs out of her face. Once she was done, she put her denim jacket back on. Even if she was dumping the rest of her Ariana-themed look, she didn't have to give up the extra layers to get through cold nights and inclement weather.

Once she was done, she stepped back and looked at herself. Now that she was standing there with her hair braided, minimal makeup, shorts and sneakers, she wasn't sure who she was. She spent most of the last year being a whole bunch of other people, hoping it would help her figure out who she was. But after a moment, she smiled.

Now, she was Katrina.

Katrina packed up everything into her bags. She then walked over and laid the blankets and cloths over the deceased. She wiped the corners of her eyes. Even if she was scared, even if she had no idea what was going to come next, she was ready to face it. She wouldn't let Felix or Yuko feel disappointed in her. She wouldn't let her family down. If she was going to have a life after this island, it would be as a real star. It would be as someone she was truly proud to be.

Katrina then walked over to the door to the other room. She had kept Sierra and Willow waiting long enough, and they should get the funeral done while they still had some natural light.

She opened the door and peeked out.

"Okay, I'm ready."

((Katrina Lavell continued The Girls Made of Soot, Blood and Plastic))