Willow hated coincidences. They shouldn't exist, and yet, they were everywhere. When Katrina pointed the house where Felix and Yuko had died, Willow just wanted to break a camera. It was this type of twist of fate that made her want to die. It was a taunt from the universe. It screamed: "you dodged a bullet, dumb slut."
She wasn't interested in any of it when the morning came.
((Willow continued here.))
She had been patiently waiting for the announcement to go off before adventuring inside the danger zone. Technically, this should be the safest place on the island. She had her gun in her right hand, her taser in her left, ready for anyone to come near. There were people around her, but she stayed low, hidden, waiting for them to pass.
The announcement already had passed by. Willow really only listened to them to hear about who won the contest thing and which zone would make her blow up. However, hearing Marco's name come up and learning he had killed Arjen kinda made Willow upset. It was something about facing her own mortality. Another telltale heart of fate screaming that she had dodged a bullet.
She had tell the girls about her goal to explore the area so even if they were lagging behind, Willow knew they'd be coming. As she closed on the stables, there was a familiar landmark in front of the door.
A body.
It used to be a boy. Someone with thoughts, morals, values, loved ones. Something that Willow could probably relate to. Someone she could like or dislike or hate or love. Suddenly that option was taken away from her. It was gone. A closed door that she didn't know existed laid in front of her. Willow got closer, looked behind her, and then bent down to the body.
Willow was never a fan of gore, but she had to admit seeing the inside of a human body was rather fascinating. Knowing that, one day, she might end up like that was a more fascinating thought. Something that her gears grind into a direction that she didn't know existed. This body was better than the ones at the lighthouse. She wanted to preserve it on a shelf and reminds herself that she would be like that one day.
The footsteps that followed her finally arrived. They had been following her for a while. She wondered who would be behind her when she turned around.
She didn't move.
The Girls Made of Soot, Blood and Plastic
open
((Katrina Lavell continued from One Taught Me Love, One Taught Me Patience...))
Katrina followed after Willow, trying to regulate her breathing and keeping a good grip on the nodachi. It had been a long night in the house. After the funeral, Katrina and the girls had retired to a quiet, uneventful evening of resting and thinking. It wasn't until the announcements came on that the peace was finally broken. There were a lot of familiar names on the announcement, both deceased and alive. She was at least glad some names weren't on it, like Charelle, Demetri, Catherine, and Yuko's sisters. She still wanted to believe they and a few others could be safe a little longer.
Not long after, Willow suggested they move to the Menagerie since it was now cleared. Katrina agreed. She didn't know what was there, but the idea that very few people would be there was enticing. She and the girls could try to find some privacy and figure out what to do next.
"What to do next" had been a real issue in Katrina's mind. She had an idea of things she wanted to do after making peace with Felix and Yuko, but she still spent most of the night mulling it over. Would she take charge to fight off dangerous people? Would she be the one trying to hunt down players? Would she stay defensive and just avoid trouble as long as possible? There were a lot of things in mind, and she wasn't sure where to settle. All she knew was that she had to act fast when the time came, and not in the stupid way she had acted when Tyrell showed up.
They had arrived at the stables. Katrina had never been on a horse before, although there had been times she really wanted to ride one. Usually up until the moment she got near one. Then she was too scared to stay near it. There weren't any horses here, but she mostly peered in and out of the stables to see if anything was inside aside from horse droppings.
It wasn't until she noticed Willow standing over something that she forgot all about horses. There was a dead body there. Katrina felt her stomach sink a bit.
"Oh god," she muttered to herself.
She couldn't make out who it was, but Willow had turned to her, giving Katrina a better view. That's when a thought came to her.
"Wait, didn't they say someone failed to get out of here yesterday before it became a danger zone? Is that him?"
Katrina followed after Willow, trying to regulate her breathing and keeping a good grip on the nodachi. It had been a long night in the house. After the funeral, Katrina and the girls had retired to a quiet, uneventful evening of resting and thinking. It wasn't until the announcements came on that the peace was finally broken. There were a lot of familiar names on the announcement, both deceased and alive. She was at least glad some names weren't on it, like Charelle, Demetri, Catherine, and Yuko's sisters. She still wanted to believe they and a few others could be safe a little longer.
Not long after, Willow suggested they move to the Menagerie since it was now cleared. Katrina agreed. She didn't know what was there, but the idea that very few people would be there was enticing. She and the girls could try to find some privacy and figure out what to do next.
"What to do next" had been a real issue in Katrina's mind. She had an idea of things she wanted to do after making peace with Felix and Yuko, but she still spent most of the night mulling it over. Would she take charge to fight off dangerous people? Would she be the one trying to hunt down players? Would she stay defensive and just avoid trouble as long as possible? There were a lot of things in mind, and she wasn't sure where to settle. All she knew was that she had to act fast when the time came, and not in the stupid way she had acted when Tyrell showed up.
They had arrived at the stables. Katrina had never been on a horse before, although there had been times she really wanted to ride one. Usually up until the moment she got near one. Then she was too scared to stay near it. There weren't any horses here, but she mostly peered in and out of the stables to see if anything was inside aside from horse droppings.
It wasn't until she noticed Willow standing over something that she forgot all about horses. There was a dead body there. Katrina felt her stomach sink a bit.
"Oh god," she muttered to herself.
She couldn't make out who it was, but Willow had turned to her, giving Katrina a better view. That's when a thought came to her.
"Wait, didn't they say someone failed to get out of here yesterday before it became a danger zone? Is that him?"
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TheLordOfAwesome
- Posts: 489
- Joined: Mon Aug 13, 2018 4:37 pm
- Location: Washington
((Sierra Cook continued from Freedom is a fleeting dream, an ephemeral hope, a transient wish in the wind.))
Sierra was yet again in a somber mood following the the morning announcement. Tristan was dead. How many more loved ones will she lose? Beryl, Dante, Cammy, and now Tristan. No matter how much time had passed it just didn't stop the pain she felt. Should she perhaps consider herself lucky that she had made it this far? She didn't feel lucky.
Then there were some of the other deaths mentioned in the announcement, like Marco killing Arjen. While she wasn't close to them and robbed from them just a few days ago, the words Catherine said to her weighed heavy on her conscience.
"You think he'd be saying those things if you hadn't taped him to the tree?"
Those words has played and replayed numerous times in her mind since the morning announcement. Was it her and Willow's fault that Marco killed Arjen? Had cooler heads prevailed, would Arjen still be okay? She felt she was justified in her actions as evidence pointed them doing wrong doing, but doubt was seeding in her mind. She didn't want to believe she was responsible for someone's death, even if indirectly. If she was responsible for Marco killing Arjen, was she also not responsible for Kelly's murder of Mercy? She had seen her the previous night and she ran away from Willow and her. If she had managed to convinced her to stay with them would Mercy still be alive?
Too many what ifs and could have beens.
While she was preoccupied in her thoughts she entered into the stables with the other two. Willow had stopped short and when she joined her side she saw what had made her stop.
A dead body of... somebody. It was hard to tell who it was anymore since their head was practically destroyed. Poor bastard must have gotten stuck in the Danger Zone or, more grimly, entered it with the sole intent of killing themselves.
"Jesus..." Sierra muttered as she looked over the body. "Anyone remember who they said died here in the announcements? I can't even recognize this guy."
Sierra was yet again in a somber mood following the the morning announcement. Tristan was dead. How many more loved ones will she lose? Beryl, Dante, Cammy, and now Tristan. No matter how much time had passed it just didn't stop the pain she felt. Should she perhaps consider herself lucky that she had made it this far? She didn't feel lucky.
Then there were some of the other deaths mentioned in the announcement, like Marco killing Arjen. While she wasn't close to them and robbed from them just a few days ago, the words Catherine said to her weighed heavy on her conscience.
"You think he'd be saying those things if you hadn't taped him to the tree?"
Those words has played and replayed numerous times in her mind since the morning announcement. Was it her and Willow's fault that Marco killed Arjen? Had cooler heads prevailed, would Arjen still be okay? She felt she was justified in her actions as evidence pointed them doing wrong doing, but doubt was seeding in her mind. She didn't want to believe she was responsible for someone's death, even if indirectly. If she was responsible for Marco killing Arjen, was she also not responsible for Kelly's murder of Mercy? She had seen her the previous night and she ran away from Willow and her. If she had managed to convinced her to stay with them would Mercy still be alive?
Too many what ifs and could have beens.
While she was preoccupied in her thoughts she entered into the stables with the other two. Willow had stopped short and when she joined her side she saw what had made her stop.
A dead body of... somebody. It was hard to tell who it was anymore since their head was practically destroyed. Poor bastard must have gotten stuck in the Danger Zone or, more grimly, entered it with the sole intent of killing themselves.
"Jesus..." Sierra muttered as she looked over the body. "Anyone remember who they said died here in the announcements? I can't even recognize this guy."
"Clayton."
It was dry and short. Willow couldn't be sure about it. His face was partially gone from the explosion. The opening that was created from the injuries was now filled with bugs, mud, and other things that would make someone's skin crawl.
Willow didn't find the body interesting anymore. It was now a chore: something to take care off, something to dispose, something to clean up, something to create and to deconstruct.
She sighed. She wished things could be simple again. Willow just wanted to be an observer. A quiet, soft, reserved observer who watched others raise and fail. The limelight wasn't made for her, it made her feel sick. She just wanted to look.
"Well, do you guys mind if I go through his stuff?" Willow spoke slowly as if she were reading off a text. "Clayton was one of the blind kids so he walked around with a magnifier to read stuff. We can just ID him with that."
It was dry and short. Willow couldn't be sure about it. His face was partially gone from the explosion. The opening that was created from the injuries was now filled with bugs, mud, and other things that would make someone's skin crawl.
Willow didn't find the body interesting anymore. It was now a chore: something to take care off, something to dispose, something to clean up, something to create and to deconstruct.
She sighed. She wished things could be simple again. Willow just wanted to be an observer. A quiet, soft, reserved observer who watched others raise and fail. The limelight wasn't made for her, it made her feel sick. She just wanted to look.
"Well, do you guys mind if I go through his stuff?" Willow spoke slowly as if she were reading off a text. "Clayton was one of the blind kids so he walked around with a magnifier to read stuff. We can just ID him with that."
Katrina had to look away from the body. Now that she had more time to observe it, she could see that he was starting to be visited by insects and other small creatures. It didn't help that the body now had a name: Clayton. She wasn't sure who Clayton was, but it was still hard to know he was once alive and was now dead. Katrina assumed that seeing six dead people before would ease her into this, but those were all fresh bodies. This one had been left to waste away.
Katrina moved a bit away from Willow and Sierra. Willow wanted to raid his body for materials.
"Yeah, that's fine," Katrina said. "I won't stop you."
Katrina moved towards one of the old horse pens, looking in at the decaying hay and foul odor coming from it. She needed to distract herself. It was a new day, and Katrina was supposed to be a new person.
"So what are we going to do?" she asked the girls. "I'm not sure what we should do now."
Katrina moved a bit away from Willow and Sierra. Willow wanted to raid his body for materials.
"Yeah, that's fine," Katrina said. "I won't stop you."
Katrina moved towards one of the old horse pens, looking in at the decaying hay and foul odor coming from it. She needed to distract herself. It was a new day, and Katrina was supposed to be a new person.
"So what are we going to do?" she asked the girls. "I'm not sure what we should do now."
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TheLordOfAwesome
- Posts: 489
- Joined: Mon Aug 13, 2018 4:37 pm
- Location: Washington
So this was Clayton. It would be nice if that name meant something to her but she never knew the guy. She probably had a class or two with him but she'd be stressed to think of a time she had ever actually interacted with him. She supposed it didn't matter now given he was dead.
"Sure, see if he had anything useful." Sierra said to Willow. "We'll divide up who gets what. Provided he still has some food and medicine left over."
Sierra moved over to the side, positioning herself so she could keep a look out for anyone entering the stables from either side. After all, she's the only one with any real useful ranged weapon at the moment. Kat had her sword, Willow had that shit needle pistol and Sierra's initial stun gun. Neither of them were really fit to take on someone at range if it were to come to it.
"I guess survive," Sierra said with shrugged in response to Katrina. "Not much we can do. We're pretty much stuck on this fucking island with these goddamn collars strap to our necks."
"Sure, see if he had anything useful." Sierra said to Willow. "We'll divide up who gets what. Provided he still has some food and medicine left over."
Sierra moved over to the side, positioning herself so she could keep a look out for anyone entering the stables from either side. After all, she's the only one with any real useful ranged weapon at the moment. Kat had her sword, Willow had that shit needle pistol and Sierra's initial stun gun. Neither of them were really fit to take on someone at range if it were to come to it.
"I guess survive," Sierra said with shrugged in response to Katrina. "Not much we can do. We're pretty much stuck on this fucking island with these goddamn collars strap to our necks."
"Not to be a Debbie Downer," her hands were inside the boy's bag. He had a nice book. Willow reminded herself to pocket it later. "I don't think anyone here is getting out of here alive."
He still had a shit ton of supplies. Willow couldn't help to smile. She still suppressed it when she turned around to the girls, but her eyes were smiling like a predator finding its prey. Willow didn't like how primal she could be. It was the type of things that scared people off. Maybe that was a good thing here, but her aggressivity was still a point to work on.
"Like, philosophically." She flashed the magnifier confirming the identity of the victim. She was getting good at this. "Whoever we were before getting on this island died about four days ago. Even if you make it out alive, you are going to need to like fix yourself a lot after, you know?"
"It's not like... simple to recover from this. It's a lot of trial and error I assume. I don't think anybody will be the same after this, so I like to assume we all died like a while ago and this is the lost Lost episode of our life, or unlife"
She shrugged. She had many words inside her head that never left her body. Like a tire in the hot sun, she exploded.
"I'm rambling sorry, but the tee-el semi-colon dee-er is that whatever we do here don't matter because we stopped mattering when this shit started. I find comfort in this. I don't know if it's going to help you girls, but personally, knowing that I could die at any moment and it wouldn't matter makes me feel at home"
He still had a shit ton of supplies. Willow couldn't help to smile. She still suppressed it when she turned around to the girls, but her eyes were smiling like a predator finding its prey. Willow didn't like how primal she could be. It was the type of things that scared people off. Maybe that was a good thing here, but her aggressivity was still a point to work on.
"Like, philosophically." She flashed the magnifier confirming the identity of the victim. She was getting good at this. "Whoever we were before getting on this island died about four days ago. Even if you make it out alive, you are going to need to like fix yourself a lot after, you know?"
"It's not like... simple to recover from this. It's a lot of trial and error I assume. I don't think anybody will be the same after this, so I like to assume we all died like a while ago and this is the lost Lost episode of our life, or unlife"
She shrugged. She had many words inside her head that never left her body. Like a tire in the hot sun, she exploded.
"I'm rambling sorry, but the tee-el semi-colon dee-er is that whatever we do here don't matter because we stopped mattering when this shit started. I find comfort in this. I don't know if it's going to help you girls, but personally, knowing that I could die at any moment and it wouldn't matter makes me feel at home"
Katrina listened as both girls replied. Sierra had a vague "let's just survive" plan, which Katrina knew was a good idea but had wished was a bit more substantial. It would have helped if there was a more concrete goal like finding a place to hole up or specific people to look for and save.
Willow, on the other hand, wasn't offering much else. Willow began to talk about how they were already dead and no longer themselves, and how everything was meaningless now.
"Well, sorry, that doesn't make me feel any better," Katrina said at the end of Willow's talk.
"I mean, I get the basic idea, but I'd rather at least hope that whatever we do has some meaning. I would rather believe it won't literally all be meaningless. Maybe that works for you, but we could at least try something."
Katrina scratched the back of her neck. She looked up and noticed a camera perched in the corner of the stable.
"Like, the world's watching us. That could be something."
Willow, on the other hand, wasn't offering much else. Willow began to talk about how they were already dead and no longer themselves, and how everything was meaningless now.
"Well, sorry, that doesn't make me feel any better," Katrina said at the end of Willow's talk.
"I mean, I get the basic idea, but I'd rather at least hope that whatever we do has some meaning. I would rather believe it won't literally all be meaningless. Maybe that works for you, but we could at least try something."
Katrina scratched the back of her neck. She looked up and noticed a camera perched in the corner of the stable.
"Like, the world's watching us. That could be something."
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TheLordOfAwesome
- Posts: 489
- Joined: Mon Aug 13, 2018 4:37 pm
- Location: Washington
"World's watching us?" Sierra repeated aloud. She snorted and rolled her eyes. "Yeah, what is the audience for these things mainly? 5% being government office drones, 3% being our family members, and the remaining 92% being sick fucks who just want to get off on teenagers disemboweling each other? Yeah, real motivating."
Sierra looked to the camera Katrina was looking at, wondering who was watching her right now? Obviously those jack off terrorists, but who else? Maybe she had gotten herself some fans after a few days being on the island; people who want to see where she'll go. Or more likely, she has a bunch of people watching her because they want to jack off to this abrasive girl as she gets her head bashed in.
She looked to Kat, eyeing her intently.
"So what exactly do you want us to do, Kat? What sort of 'meaningful' actions should we take?" Sierra asked, sardonically. "You have less to lose than me and Willow since you already killed somebody. Yeah, I know you didn't mean to do it but it's true. You could literally hold up some place, wait this out, and when this is all said and done, you can still go home."
"Willow and I, however," Sierra gestured between herself and Willow. "Haven't killed anybody, not even accidentally. If we want to leave then we'll eventually have to cross that line at some point. I can't speak for Willow here but I'd rather not cross that line if I can help it. If we're lucky, we do what's necessary, then we hold up some place. Maybe then we can eventually leave. So why not just hide some place for the next few days? Why waste your time trying to make your moments here meaningful when you can try and maximize your chances of leaving?"
Sierra looked to the camera Katrina was looking at, wondering who was watching her right now? Obviously those jack off terrorists, but who else? Maybe she had gotten herself some fans after a few days being on the island; people who want to see where she'll go. Or more likely, she has a bunch of people watching her because they want to jack off to this abrasive girl as she gets her head bashed in.
She looked to Kat, eyeing her intently.
"So what exactly do you want us to do, Kat? What sort of 'meaningful' actions should we take?" Sierra asked, sardonically. "You have less to lose than me and Willow since you already killed somebody. Yeah, I know you didn't mean to do it but it's true. You could literally hold up some place, wait this out, and when this is all said and done, you can still go home."
"Willow and I, however," Sierra gestured between herself and Willow. "Haven't killed anybody, not even accidentally. If we want to leave then we'll eventually have to cross that line at some point. I can't speak for Willow here but I'd rather not cross that line if I can help it. If we're lucky, we do what's necessary, then we hold up some place. Maybe then we can eventually leave. So why not just hide some place for the next few days? Why waste your time trying to make your moments here meaningful when you can try and maximize your chances of leaving?"
"Because it makes her feel better."
Willow had pocketed the book and some of the rations. She wanted to take more, but as long as she had allies, she had to think about them.
"Like... it's her coping mechanism." She sniffed, her nose crunching. Everything was disgusting. She has never felt more aware of her own body odor. "This shitty place is testing us. Kat decided she would test it back by being respectful to the bodies. I think that's kinda great, honestly."
She crossed her arms. Willow wanted to say something personal but she wasn't sure it was the right audience. She figured she might try anyways since the world was watching.
"Like personally, I don't think I'll kill anyone." Her inner cheek was raw. "Less because I'm a Saint or something, but more because I'm passive-aggressive. Like, I really don't think they'd keep a kill-less winner for three years until the next game. It's a logistic mess and also just a waste of ressource."
Yeah.
There. She said it. The island had changed her. For the best? Potentially. Not really, honestly. If anything, it just made her an even bitter bitch, but now, her moral compass was pointing north.
"Maybe I'm wrong, but even then, they'll just shoot me after it's over? Torture me until I die? Whatever, I don't give a shit. And even if I'll go to the next game, I'll still try to win again by killing no-one. If I can do that, it'd just be a bigger embarassement for them. Something that's greater than me, you know? I'm living on borrowed time, anything I do now is extra so it's not like it really matters. I'm doing this for myself not for whoever is betting on me."
She paused. Willow didn't explode. It was a nice and pleasant surprise. They probably didn't really understand what she had said, but they would be able to soon. Let the word sink in. Let them know that Willow didn't really care about them. Then, she continued.
"That's not an invitation to try and kill me, I'm going to shoot you in the crotch if you do. But I'll do my best to not kill you. Be that bitch who did that. I'd be on Wikipedia or something."
Willow had pocketed the book and some of the rations. She wanted to take more, but as long as she had allies, she had to think about them.
"Like... it's her coping mechanism." She sniffed, her nose crunching. Everything was disgusting. She has never felt more aware of her own body odor. "This shitty place is testing us. Kat decided she would test it back by being respectful to the bodies. I think that's kinda great, honestly."
She crossed her arms. Willow wanted to say something personal but she wasn't sure it was the right audience. She figured she might try anyways since the world was watching.
"Like personally, I don't think I'll kill anyone." Her inner cheek was raw. "Less because I'm a Saint or something, but more because I'm passive-aggressive. Like, I really don't think they'd keep a kill-less winner for three years until the next game. It's a logistic mess and also just a waste of ressource."
Yeah.
There. She said it. The island had changed her. For the best? Potentially. Not really, honestly. If anything, it just made her an even bitter bitch, but now, her moral compass was pointing north.
"Maybe I'm wrong, but even then, they'll just shoot me after it's over? Torture me until I die? Whatever, I don't give a shit. And even if I'll go to the next game, I'll still try to win again by killing no-one. If I can do that, it'd just be a bigger embarassement for them. Something that's greater than me, you know? I'm living on borrowed time, anything I do now is extra so it's not like it really matters. I'm doing this for myself not for whoever is betting on me."
She paused. Willow didn't explode. It was a nice and pleasant surprise. They probably didn't really understand what she had said, but they would be able to soon. Let the word sink in. Let them know that Willow didn't really care about them. Then, she continued.
"That's not an invitation to try and kill me, I'm going to shoot you in the crotch if you do. But I'll do my best to not kill you. Be that bitch who did that. I'd be on Wikipedia or something."
Katrina had to admit to herself that what Sierra said hurt. Maybe it was the idea that the only people back home were watching were sickos, but it hurt more to hear Sierra talk about how meaningless everything was. She could talk about how easy it was for Katrina to have her mandatory kill out of the way, but that still didn't help much. Even if she were permitted to go home after being the sole survivor, would that really be enough for her?
Willow at least seemed to understand where Katrina was coming from. Maybe being respectful to the dead bodies was a coping mechanism or just a way to assuage whatever guilt Katrina was holding, but it was at least helping. Willow at least had the idea that they could try to just not give in and make things a logistical nightmare for the terrorists. But still, Katrina thought she should at least explain things to the girls.
"Sierra, I know I have less to lose because I can go home if I was the last person," Katrina began, "but I don't know what I'll go home to."
Katrina lowered her head.
"I spent my whole life pursuing a single goal. All those singing and dance classes, all those days hurting my fingers learning the ukulele, all those nights I strained my eyes and hurt my back learning audio editing programs, all of it was for a single dream to be a pop star. Even if I went home, I will never reach that goal now. No one will want to hear me sing, no one will want to record my music, and no one will come see me in concert. They'll just know me as a murderer. All that hard work will is meaningless now."
"And even then, I don't know what my parents will think. I know they love me and want the best for me, but I'm scared what being associated to me will mean for them. My mom could lose all credibility as a motivational speaker and author. My dad's business could face backlash and boycotts. Even my brother might suffer for being associated with me back at school. I might have to leave them just so they can have some normal life."
"And I'll admit, that scares me, and I'm definitely afraid of what's coming next. But I just want to believe that if I am going to die here, or if I do get to go home, I want to people see me as more than a murderer. I want to die knowing people will be sad I'm gone, or I want to go home knowing I have a real future. If I can't be a singer, I want to at least know there's something else I can be. And maybe it is selfish or egotistical to think of myself in such a way, but we're not the only ones who will suffer because of this game, so maybe, just maybe, there's a way to put some good out into the world while we're here. Maybe it's taking care of the deceased, maybe it's protecting people, or maybe it's just creating art while I'm here that resonates, I don't know."
Katrina looked back up at Sierra and Willow, her eyes starting to water with tears.
"But can't we aspire to something?"
Willow at least seemed to understand where Katrina was coming from. Maybe being respectful to the dead bodies was a coping mechanism or just a way to assuage whatever guilt Katrina was holding, but it was at least helping. Willow at least had the idea that they could try to just not give in and make things a logistical nightmare for the terrorists. But still, Katrina thought she should at least explain things to the girls.
"Sierra, I know I have less to lose because I can go home if I was the last person," Katrina began, "but I don't know what I'll go home to."
Katrina lowered her head.
"I spent my whole life pursuing a single goal. All those singing and dance classes, all those days hurting my fingers learning the ukulele, all those nights I strained my eyes and hurt my back learning audio editing programs, all of it was for a single dream to be a pop star. Even if I went home, I will never reach that goal now. No one will want to hear me sing, no one will want to record my music, and no one will come see me in concert. They'll just know me as a murderer. All that hard work will is meaningless now."
"And even then, I don't know what my parents will think. I know they love me and want the best for me, but I'm scared what being associated to me will mean for them. My mom could lose all credibility as a motivational speaker and author. My dad's business could face backlash and boycotts. Even my brother might suffer for being associated with me back at school. I might have to leave them just so they can have some normal life."
"And I'll admit, that scares me, and I'm definitely afraid of what's coming next. But I just want to believe that if I am going to die here, or if I do get to go home, I want to people see me as more than a murderer. I want to die knowing people will be sad I'm gone, or I want to go home knowing I have a real future. If I can't be a singer, I want to at least know there's something else I can be. And maybe it is selfish or egotistical to think of myself in such a way, but we're not the only ones who will suffer because of this game, so maybe, just maybe, there's a way to put some good out into the world while we're here. Maybe it's taking care of the deceased, maybe it's protecting people, or maybe it's just creating art while I'm here that resonates, I don't know."
Katrina looked back up at Sierra and Willow, her eyes starting to water with tears.
"But can't we aspire to something?"
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TheLordOfAwesome
- Posts: 489
- Joined: Mon Aug 13, 2018 4:37 pm
- Location: Washington
"No one here is going to try and kill you, Willow." Sierra said, giving her partner a side glance. It was some comfort to hear Willow say she wasn't planning on killing anyone, it was an honest improvement over a few days ago where she was proposing they murder Faith. She wasn't sure if that was her own influence or not, but it kind of made Sierra glad that her choice of partner wasn't going to go on a killing spree at the drop of a hat. Maybe a bit bad judgement call on her part, but that has yet to be seen and so far no problems had arisen as a result of this alliance.
She did suppose that Willow at least had a point in her assessment of Kat's desires as a coping mechanism being stuck in this hell hole. This is the sort of situation that breaks people and she could understand the desire to do some sort of right while they still could.
She turned her attention back to Kat as she began to speak once more. She spoke of how all the hard work she put into her music was meaningless and how just by being associated with her, her family would suffer as a result of being related to a murderer. With each word utter something stirred in Sierra, something hot and black that churned within the pit of her stomach and threatened to rise up. A dark and oppressive feeling of complete and utter loathing. Silently Sierra contemplated how Kat, of all people, had the gall to say all this when there will dozen of other people on this island right now who had it infinitely worse than her?
What would she go home to, Sierra thought? She wanted to tell her, in no uncertain terms, that what she would go home to a family that loves her and won't treat her any differently because she, at worst, commit voluntary manslaughter. Even if she had fully intended on killing Yuko, given the situation no one was going to blame her for anything. Everything was being recorded and was going to be out there, everyone will see or at least know what went down and see how it was intentional and that she horribly regretted her actions and took steps to try and make some amends.
And no one would want to listen to her music or record her? Sierra almost laughed it was so ridiculous. She was pretty goddamn sure there were plenty of rappers who committed actual crimes — maybe even murder — that still had legions of fans, but this cute Tennessee girl is going to be the pariah of the music industry all because she was a victim of some sadistic terrorist plot? Sierra wanted to tell her to fuck off with that shit. She was pretty sure one of the winners from a few years ago even became something of celebrity, he even had a goddamn action figure. So, no, she was by no means barred from her dream of being the next hit musical sensation as far as Sierra was concerned.
As far as she was concerned, she had far more to lose. Firstly, she could never go home ever again if she were to make it out of this. She had already robbed two people intentionally and everyone saw, so she has no excuse like Kat did. No one would trust someone who preyed on others like she did just to survive. What would her parents do? They already hated her as far as she was aware for being gay, but if they learned that she robbed and killed people? That would finally give them the excuse to toss her out of their lives like a piece of unwanted trash.
Then there was her career — her dream — of being an Olympic archer one day. Unlike Kat and her music, Sierra's own talents were bound to her body rather than her voice. If her arms or hands get crippled while here on the island then that's it, her dream would be fucking dead. She wouldn't be able to maintain a tight grip or pull back the bow string as far as it needed to go, or hell, maybe not even be able to hold a bow anymore. She couldn't even compete in small tournaments if that were to happen. Even her art would suffer as her hands might be too damaged to draw! All this if she gets on bad injury to her arms.
That's what she is looking at if she were to go home. Parental abandonment and a career ending injury. Maybe, she though, the latter won't happen but she felt she was kidding herself if she thought that was true.
She wanted to say all that, to throw it in Kat's face, to yell at her for her bleeding heart speech.
But as she looked at Kat, who had tears in her eyes and asked if they could aspire to something, she couldn't really bring herself to say any of it. She wanted to, desperately. Maybe more to make herself feel better by tearing someone else down as her own way of coping.
But she just couldn't. Not in this moment.
Sierra sighed and looked up towards the ceiling of the stables, slightly contemplating to herself.
"Fine," she said. "We can try and do it your way."
She wasn't particularly happy about all this, but was better than just venting out her own cynical anger on Kat. She felt that maybe she would deserve it, but she had to remember that this was stressful for her and even if she felt like she was wrong, she might not feel like she is.
She sighed again. It was times like these she really wished she could get a hit and just unwind. That thought made her wonder how Ryan was doing. What would he think he if could see her now? She shook her head to clear her thoughts. Now was not the time to focus on that.
She looked to Willow.
"What does he have, Willow?" she asked, trying to change the subject. "We need to divide up the useful stuff between all three of us now. It ain't just the two of us like a few days ago."
She did suppose that Willow at least had a point in her assessment of Kat's desires as a coping mechanism being stuck in this hell hole. This is the sort of situation that breaks people and she could understand the desire to do some sort of right while they still could.
She turned her attention back to Kat as she began to speak once more. She spoke of how all the hard work she put into her music was meaningless and how just by being associated with her, her family would suffer as a result of being related to a murderer. With each word utter something stirred in Sierra, something hot and black that churned within the pit of her stomach and threatened to rise up. A dark and oppressive feeling of complete and utter loathing. Silently Sierra contemplated how Kat, of all people, had the gall to say all this when there will dozen of other people on this island right now who had it infinitely worse than her?
What would she go home to, Sierra thought? She wanted to tell her, in no uncertain terms, that what she would go home to a family that loves her and won't treat her any differently because she, at worst, commit voluntary manslaughter. Even if she had fully intended on killing Yuko, given the situation no one was going to blame her for anything. Everything was being recorded and was going to be out there, everyone will see or at least know what went down and see how it was intentional and that she horribly regretted her actions and took steps to try and make some amends.
And no one would want to listen to her music or record her? Sierra almost laughed it was so ridiculous. She was pretty goddamn sure there were plenty of rappers who committed actual crimes — maybe even murder — that still had legions of fans, but this cute Tennessee girl is going to be the pariah of the music industry all because she was a victim of some sadistic terrorist plot? Sierra wanted to tell her to fuck off with that shit. She was pretty sure one of the winners from a few years ago even became something of celebrity, he even had a goddamn action figure. So, no, she was by no means barred from her dream of being the next hit musical sensation as far as Sierra was concerned.
As far as she was concerned, she had far more to lose. Firstly, she could never go home ever again if she were to make it out of this. She had already robbed two people intentionally and everyone saw, so she has no excuse like Kat did. No one would trust someone who preyed on others like she did just to survive. What would her parents do? They already hated her as far as she was aware for being gay, but if they learned that she robbed and killed people? That would finally give them the excuse to toss her out of their lives like a piece of unwanted trash.
Then there was her career — her dream — of being an Olympic archer one day. Unlike Kat and her music, Sierra's own talents were bound to her body rather than her voice. If her arms or hands get crippled while here on the island then that's it, her dream would be fucking dead. She wouldn't be able to maintain a tight grip or pull back the bow string as far as it needed to go, or hell, maybe not even be able to hold a bow anymore. She couldn't even compete in small tournaments if that were to happen. Even her art would suffer as her hands might be too damaged to draw! All this if she gets on bad injury to her arms.
That's what she is looking at if she were to go home. Parental abandonment and a career ending injury. Maybe, she though, the latter won't happen but she felt she was kidding herself if she thought that was true.
She wanted to say all that, to throw it in Kat's face, to yell at her for her bleeding heart speech.
But as she looked at Kat, who had tears in her eyes and asked if they could aspire to something, she couldn't really bring herself to say any of it. She wanted to, desperately. Maybe more to make herself feel better by tearing someone else down as her own way of coping.
But she just couldn't. Not in this moment.
Sierra sighed and looked up towards the ceiling of the stables, slightly contemplating to herself.
"Fine," she said. "We can try and do it your way."
She wasn't particularly happy about all this, but was better than just venting out her own cynical anger on Kat. She felt that maybe she would deserve it, but she had to remember that this was stressful for her and even if she felt like she was wrong, she might not feel like she is.
She sighed again. It was times like these she really wished she could get a hit and just unwind. That thought made her wonder how Ryan was doing. What would he think he if could see her now? She shook her head to clear her thoughts. Now was not the time to focus on that.
She looked to Willow.
"What does he have, Willow?" she asked, trying to change the subject. "We need to divide up the useful stuff between all three of us now. It ain't just the two of us like a few days ago."
"Allegedly."
She said, absentmindedly. Her hands going through the bag. Her brain processed what Sierra had said. She probably saw Willow stuff some things in her bag while the girls were speaking. That was annoying, she wanted more stuff and less stuff on them. It's not like she didn't like them, but Willow was one hungry gal and there wasn't much food to eat in the first place.
"I mean, sorry." She pulled out the book. "There's a wet book about," she squinted, looking at the cover, "...swordfighting. I'm keeping it because it looks cool."
"I mean, if you guys want to read it, you can but," she stuffed it back into her pocket to avoid losing more words to the rain, "I'm taking first dibs."
Her hands went through the boy's clothing. It was thing she could wear. She kinda wanted a new shirt but the exposure to the rain made everything soggy. Could they make a fire? Probably. Did Willow know how to make a fire? No. Perhaps it was one of those thing you did offscreen and misteriously become good at.
"I'm pretty sure it's Clayton. The clothes don't smell like him anymore because it's all wet, but you know, the magnifier is a pretty telling clue. Hum, but yeah, he has the normal stuff and clothes. Nothing fancy like a gun or whatever."
She said, absentmindedly. Her hands going through the bag. Her brain processed what Sierra had said. She probably saw Willow stuff some things in her bag while the girls were speaking. That was annoying, she wanted more stuff and less stuff on them. It's not like she didn't like them, but Willow was one hungry gal and there wasn't much food to eat in the first place.
"I mean, sorry." She pulled out the book. "There's a wet book about," she squinted, looking at the cover, "...swordfighting. I'm keeping it because it looks cool."
"I mean, if you guys want to read it, you can but," she stuffed it back into her pocket to avoid losing more words to the rain, "I'm taking first dibs."
Her hands went through the boy's clothing. It was thing she could wear. She kinda wanted a new shirt but the exposure to the rain made everything soggy. Could they make a fire? Probably. Did Willow know how to make a fire? No. Perhaps it was one of those thing you did offscreen and misteriously become good at.
"I'm pretty sure it's Clayton. The clothes don't smell like him anymore because it's all wet, but you know, the magnifier is a pretty telling clue. Hum, but yeah, he has the normal stuff and clothes. Nothing fancy like a gun or whatever."
Sierra agreed to try Katrina's idea. Katrina was glad, although she had to wonder what exactly they could and should do with their time here. She probably had some time to ponder while they were looking over Clayton's items.
Katrina paced around as Sierra and Willow went over the goods. Aside from dividing the food and water by three, they had to see if he had any other items. It sounded like he had a book, however he got that here. Otherwise, it didn't sound like he had much else to use.
"Well, I guess we can still divide his bag up."
Katrina looked over Clayton, then the girls. She didn't know him, but she had to wonder what else he had.
"Hey, does he have any personal items? Like, mementos and whatnot?"
Katrina paced around as Sierra and Willow went over the goods. Aside from dividing the food and water by three, they had to see if he had any other items. It sounded like he had a book, however he got that here. Otherwise, it didn't sound like he had much else to use.
"Well, I guess we can still divide his bag up."
Katrina looked over Clayton, then the girls. She didn't know him, but she had to wonder what else he had.
"Hey, does he have any personal items? Like, mementos and whatnot?"
-
TheLordOfAwesome
- Posts: 489
- Joined: Mon Aug 13, 2018 4:37 pm
- Location: Washington
"No weapon, eh?" Sierra repeated, looking to the book Willow pulled out. "I guess his 'weapon' is that book then. Guns come with books, but I can't imagine the assholes responsible for this would give out books on how to use swords along with a sword. I mean, what's so hard about swish, swish, stab? It's a sword, not a fighter jet."
Speaking of guns, she really wished she had more reading material to keep her occupied in the down time moments she had while on the island. In the few days that she's been here, she's had a whole lot of nothing to do in between walking from point A to point B and talking with Willow and Kat. She's probably read that booklet the terrorists gave them about a dozen times and the booklet that came with Marco's gun after they robbed him just as much. Maybe she could ask Willow to lend her the book tonight when she took watch, but that was a question to ask later.
"You might want to have Kat take a look at it," she said. "She has a sword and it might help. I don't know."
She looked to Katrina when she asked if Clayton had any personal items, then looking back to Willow with an expecting look, wondering what the answer was herself.
Speaking of guns, she really wished she had more reading material to keep her occupied in the down time moments she had while on the island. In the few days that she's been here, she's had a whole lot of nothing to do in between walking from point A to point B and talking with Willow and Kat. She's probably read that booklet the terrorists gave them about a dozen times and the booklet that came with Marco's gun after they robbed him just as much. Maybe she could ask Willow to lend her the book tonight when she took watch, but that was a question to ask later.
"You might want to have Kat take a look at it," she said. "She has a sword and it might help. I don't know."
She looked to Katrina when she asked if Clayton had any personal items, then looking back to Willow with an expecting look, wondering what the answer was herself.