Ray's Little Girl

[Hallucinojelly†]

Do I really need to do this?

Violet stared down at her sneakers, vacantly gazing over the mud encrusted into the tips of her laces as she sat hunched over in the waiting room. Biting down on her lower lip as she strained her mind looking for an excuse to leave, a short, stumpy woman emerged from the doorway next to the girl with a clipboard in hand.

"Violet Druce."

Shifting the bangs out of her face, she stepped nervously into the small brown room and waited as the doctor closed the door behind her.

"Have a seat, dear."

Slumping into the grey, matted chair, Violet pulled it closer to the desk and slid back into it, keeping a distance between herself and the doctor.

"My name is Doctor Schwann, but you can call me Rosanne, or perhaps Rosie, if you prefer."

Violet shook her head.

"No, that's okay."

"Very well. And what about you dear, do you have any other names, a nickname you'd rather be called?"

Violet coughed as her mouth became steadily dry.

"No, Violet's fine."

"Okay then, Violet it is."

The doctor smiled, trying to reassure her that this was all perfectly normal, maybe that it wasn't their first time meeting and that it was actually one of many times they'd met. But Violet knew better. This wasn't "normal" in any way, certainly not to her at least. She knew by the way the doctor looked, her perfectly-tied hair, her glasses hanging tightly on a simple chain around her neck. Everything about her was wrong to Violet, and that made this whole ordeal even more nerve-racking than how she'd built it up to be outside.

"Now, this is your first time to the school therapists', isn't it?"

She nodded.

"So what seems to be troubling you enough to want to come and see me, Violet?"

The doctor flicked through a thin brown file with Violet's name printed in plain black lettering on the front.

"It's very unusual to get someone like you down here, you know."

Someone like... me?

"You've maintained a high set of grades throughout your time here at Bayview, you've never gotten into any trouble with the staff, and according to a few students, you make "awesome" films."

"Well, I-"

"Which means you're probably starting to get the jitters about this year's exams, and need a little encouraging, am I right?"

What? Exams?

She was upright now, no time for slouching in her book. Licking her lips, she leaned forward with a confused look on her face.

"No, that's not it. Exams are fine, everything- everything's fine, really fine, good, actually."

She was getting flustered now, the doctor was wildly assuming things about her which she didn't like at all.

"The- the truth is, doc, I'm, er-"

Now she couldn't even get her words out. She considered leaving, before the doctor said something that caused her heart to skip a beat.

"Gay?"

She stopped. She couldn't breathe, she'd forgotten how. She sat, frozen in the chair, her fingers clenched firmly around the arms of it as her mind drew a blank.

"Violet?"

Her mind snapped back as she shook her head in an animated fashion.

"What? Gay? N-no, I'm not gay, I'm mean, I'm- I'm not, gay, no."

The doctor's eyes lingered in Violet's head, her furrowed brow revealing her concern over the young girl's fragile state.

"I'm... I'm not gay, no."

The doctor broke her gaze, looking down out of consideration for the confused young student. Folding her hands together atop the desk, she leaned just an inch or two across so she could say the next few words with a gentler tone.

"It's alright, it isn't my job to judge, only to help you. You understand that, don't you dear?"

Violet stared up at the smartly-dressed woman and nodded weakly, her body loosening itself as she quietly pressed her back against the chair.

She wanted to say something, but nothing came to mind. Instead, her mind filled itself with images of her father, her friends, and then finally, of a girl.

Letting the slightest breath slip away from her mouth, the doctor brought herself away from her desk, giving the girl some space to wrestle with her thoughts.

Curling up where she sat, she wrapped her arms around her chest, blocking out doctor's gaze. A deep purple bang fell into her face, but she left it where it was, focusing on the last thing she said that day.

"I don't..."

She paused.



"I don't want to be gay."