You're nothing if you're just another

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Who was it that first decided to name makeup? Who the hell decided that different colors needed to have names like "Scandal" and "Melted Twilight"?

Whoever it was, they needed to be smacked. How was Jae supposed to take himself seriously, much less be taken seriously by anyone else, when he was skulking around Walgreens trying to decide between the shade of eyeliner dubbed "Snakebites" and the one called "Ash 52"?

(Were there 51 other variations of "Ash" out there somewhere? If so, why did Walgreens only have number 52? Who designed this system?)

He'd picked Walgreens because it was close enough to his neighborhood to walk there, but now he was paranoid that he would run into somebody he knew and have to explain why he was staring intently at the makeup display like he expected it to reveal the secrets of the universe to him. He should have asked one of the older kids at school where they got their makeup and apparently, he should have also asked whether "Midnight Sky" was superior to "Black Steel", because trying to pick between what seemed like twenty different shades of black all on his own was bringing on a stress headache.

Jae picked up two pencils at random and turned them over in his hands, wondering if there was any mark of quality or something that would indicate one was better than the other. The longer he stood here, the higher the chance of actually being discovered by someone he knew, but he had to be sure he was getting the right one. Whatever that would be.

[Espi]

Walgreens. A wretched hive of scum and villainy except not really, it wasn't that bad. Like, Henry never had much problem stopping by for candy or sudden groceries or anything. It was air-conditioned, which was good in the hot late summer of Arizona. Plus people usually didn't ask him if he was lost or needed his parents or something. He was 13 years old, not a little kid! 13-year olds could go to the store by themselves, sheesh.

Henry was doing just that, actually, by the time he spotted the older boy while walking around the corner with a little red basket full of cookies and other junk food. Henry was a food person; he liked snacking, a lot, so he often spent his allowance on snacks when he wasn't buying books and such. Immediately, he felt a kinship with the other boy. He was looking at makeup, which Henry was hoping to start messing with soon if his dad let him. He was also wearing a leather jacket like Henry's (it was his first, though he'd need to get a new one soon, it was getting too small for him), and he had lots of belts and buckles on. Clearly, they shared an aesthetic appeal.

Henry made his approach, trying to smoother down his slightly messy black hair. His bangs were just starting to grow past his eyes, so he didn't have the cool, "half your face is covered" look yet, but he was decent enough. "Hi there. What're you looking at?" Henry asked with a smile. "I'm thinking of trying out some-" glancing over at the stall in question- "eyeliner soon. Any tips?"

Nailed it.

[backslash]

And bingo, Jae had been spotted by the enemy. Or actually just some kid that Jae vaguely remembered as being in the grade below him, but middle school and all of its problems were fresh enough in his memory to classify any familiar faces as "probably hostile".

The kid was asking about the makeup though and had a basket full of cookies, and like most teenage boys Jae was willing enough to put up with anyone for a short time if they had food that they might be convinced to share. So, instead of brushing him off, Jae held the eyeliner pencils out towards his face. "Do you see any difference between these? Because I don't. Nobody told me they'd all look the same."

He could have asked his mom, he supposed, but like middle school, the memories of that one afternoon when he'd been caught trying on her makeup was still clear enough in his mind to make him cringe, so he hadn't brought it up again. Trying to explain to his parents that no, he didn't have a black eye and hadn't been in a fight, he was just trying to put on eyeshadow, was one of the more harrowing moments in his life so far.

Emo Bangs over here didn't look like he had room to judge, though. And again: cookies.

[Espi]

Henry looked up and down the rows of various makeups tubes and canisters for a few moments, squinting in scrutiny of surreptitious...wait, what did that mean again? Secretive, or something. What he meant to say was that he was squinting in scrutiny of surreptitious...differences. Darn, he didn't think any words started with an S and meant different!

Curse you, alliteration.

Anyway. Makeup. Henry couldn't really tell the difference based on the makeup colors. "Hmm, you're right, these all look the same. Maybe they're different when you put them on, though. You know, when it's a thinner layer instead of a big tube of it. In which case you'd probably have to buy them all to try them out." Henry shrugged, shifting away from the shelf.

Looking back up at the other boy, Henry added, "Alternatively, there is no difference and it's a ploy by marketing to get you to buy them all to try them out, in which case you could probably just buy any of them and it'd be fine. Anyway, glad to help!" Henry turned away, then paused. Then he turned back. Whoops, forgot something.

"Uh, yeah, so, what do you recommend for me?" Henry smiled.

[backslash]

There was a phrase that came to Jae's mind as Emo Bangs talked. Maybe something a relative had said to him once, who knew.

Child, what is your damage?

In the span of probably thirty seconds, he'd decided that every single one was different but also there was no difference and then turned to leave, but changed his mind about that too a split second later. And now he was just. Looking at Jae. Cheerful as could be.

All Jae could do was look back with confusion and vague unease. Being at a loss for words was an unusual thing for him, but this...

Oh.

Oh no, they'd done this before, hadn't they? Jae did have vague memories of dealing with whats-his-name, now that he thought about it, and it had gone pretty much exactly like this was going now. The guy had barely reacted at all to Jae trying to subtly tell him to buzz off until he dropped the "subtle" part altogether, if it was indeed the same kid. Just a cheerful weirdo, off in his own little world. Maybe he had some kind of condition? Seemed likely. Well shit, that put all the responsibility in the conversation on Jae, didn't it.

Jae took a deep breath. Alright. Okay. He could navigate this encounter, sure he could. No causing a scene in the store, no upsetting the kid who was weird in the head because that was just a dick thing to do. Easy.

"I mean, do you... uh... what's your favorite color?"

Fuck.

"To wear, I mean." He glanced at the kid's clothes. "Besides black."

[Espi]

Henry brushed aside an errant strand of hair back into place, reinforcing the totalitarian empire of asymmetrical bangs that had ruled his face for about a year, forcing the pore farmers to sell their harvest at unreasonably low prices, causing mass starvation and other bad stuff. Wait, was Henry's face that depressing to live in/on? Hopefully not. Henry would feel guilty if his face inhabitants were being mistreated by a communist regime.

He also shrugged in response to the other guy's question. Color was nice, but Henry liked grays, blacks and whites best. He wasn't big on purple or orange or yellow. Blue was nice, but Henry favored red. Red was evocative, aesthetically pleasing, and contrasted well with various hues and shades. Henry wondered if there was a movie that was in black-and-white except for like bloodstains, that'd be neat.

"Red."

Henry looked down at his red converse, which were brand new. They were nice shoes, went well with the rest of his clothes. Red eyeliner, though? That was a little odd. It seemed...girly. Not that there was anything wrong with girls or feminine appearances or feminism or females, but Henry didn't think he'd look good with red eyeliner. What other color would look good?

"Oh, maybe like gold? Gold is cool."

[backslash]

"Red, okay." Jae closed his eyes briefly, sorting through his mental color wheel. "Okay, well, red and black together are really striking, and the red is going to be what draws the eye if everything else is mostly black... if you're wearing red and black on your clothes, then maybe something a little lighter, unless you want to go really dramatic..." He turned back to the shelves, replacing the eyeliner pencils he'd been holding and rooting through the display until he found one that was closer to gray (or "Sparkling Pewter", as the case informed him).

"You've got to have balance in your color palette. So if your main color is black, and then you have red accents, and gray or silver, and gold..." Jae chewed the corner of his lip as he considered. Actually, maybe silver was the way to go here in general. He picked up another pencil ("Quicksilver", give me a break) and held it up to compare. Too bright for him, but maybe...

"Here, hold these." He dropped the pencils into Whats-His-Name's basket without waiting for a reply and moved down the aisle a bit to look through a few more. He could visualize the scale now, sliding from silver to slate to charcoal, and he picked out the corresponding makeup as best he could. Stupid, stupid, stupid, to get so focused on the idea of "black" that he'd completely forgotten to consider how it would fit in with the rest of the look.

By the end of it, Jae had a handful of pencils in varying shades of gray, plus one tube of black liquid eyeliner which silently promised a 99% chance of disaster upon opening and attempting to use it. It was too much, on a practical level, but he'd been saving up and he needed to experiment, and a willing canvas had just appeared in front of him practically begging to be dragged into all of this.

"Okay," he announced, returning to Whats-His-Name's side. "I've got an idea now."

[Espi]

(Later, at Jae's house)

Jae's house was nice, nicer than Henry's apartment  complex for sure. Jae (the other boy's name was Jae, which was a pretty sweet name, not that Henry minded being a Henry, after all there were like 2 dozen King Henrys) also had two parents. Henry was used to seeing that, but it still made him feel a little sad. Both of them were very accommodating, asking if he needed or wanted anything. Henry just smiled and said no thanks.

Henry had been excited for Jae's idea since the start; he'd get to try on a bunch of different makeups, so he'd definitely know what he'd like. It was really nice of Jae to help him out like that.

Jae's room was pretty nice. It was upstairs, too; Henry wondered what it was like to live in a two-story house, instead of an apartment complex. Going up and down the stairs to get from the bedroom to the kitchen was probably a hassle. Henry liked his apartment; it was small, and some of his neighbors were loud and rude, but it was quaint, somehow.

"So, what do we do now?" Henry said, bouncing on the balls of his heels. He was excited to try out these eyeliners and stuff, having never had the opportunity to do so before. There'd never been any makeup in his home, so he was even intrigued by the bottles and names. They all had cool-sounding names like "Quicksilver" and "Pewter" and "Night Echo". He didn't actually see that last one, but it sounded cool!

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Henry seemed almost as thrilled to be invited to Jae's house as Jae's parents did to see him actually inviting someone over. Jae wouldn't have been at all surprised if they were high-fiving each other over it once he and Henry went upstairs. In fact, now that he thought about it, he was almost certain that initiating a high five because Jae was having positive social interaction was exactly the kind of thing his dad would do, because his dad was a nerd. It was kind of embarrassing, how they'd both immediately perked up when Jae introduced them to Henry; he sort of dreaded how they'd react when he eventually got a girlfriend.

On the plus side, though, they hadn't seemed bothered or even especially surprised by all the makeup. Probably because almost anything was preferable to finding him scrambling to wash his face off with his mom's makeup open on the counter next to him, and the lengthy explanation it had all lead to.

God, that was a terrible afternoon.

Jae arranged the makeup on his desk, making sure to order the pencils from lightest to darkest before turning back to Henry and pulling the desk chair out. "Okay, sit down." He eyed Henry's excited bouncing. "And sit still."

[Espi]

Henry nodded. He was eager to get started on his makeover. Well, makeover was a bit strong, but regardless, he was excited to get started on this experimental makeup...experiment. Good enough!

He'd never really done something like this before. It seemed like a girly sleepover thing, really, not something Henry was super into. Well, in fairness he supposed guys could do it too, but probably not as sincerely, since makeup wasn't really a guy thing. At least not in the US. Except for in theater and stuff. Hmm, what other cultures expected makeup in men? There were definitely some, but Henry couldn't name them off-hand. They probably weren't Western, though.

Henry sat down, still grinning, and forced his legs into a still position.

"What should we do first?" He asked.

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Jae considered the line of pencils on his desk and wondered if he ought to have picked up some eyeshadow to go along with them. Then he glanced back at Henry, who was still fidgeting despite Jae's instructions, and decided that taking things one step at a time was probably the best approach here. This wasn't some B-budget teen movie where he had to transform Henry into prom queen material so that the star football player would realize that the drab weird kid had been beautiful all along. Not that Henry was bad-looking to begin with or anything, but-

Okay. No. Best not to go down that road.

At any rate, Jae got the feeling that the prom scene from Carrie might be more Henry's speed than Mean Girls.

He selected one of the pencils from the middle of his lineup and turned back to Henry. "Let's just start in the middle and decide where we need to go from there." He hesitated for just a second before bending forward and gripping Henry's chin in his free hand to keep him steady. "Hold still," he added unnecessarily as he started outlining Henry's eye the way he'd seen on makeup tutorials.

[Espi]

Henry held himself very still. Oh, this was going to be so fun!

Trying not to fidget was less fun though. It was hard for someone as excited as him to stay perfectly still while an exciting thing was happening. Eyeliner! Mascara! Elaborate tattoos! Well, maybe not that last one. Tribal tattoos were kinda weird and probably a little racist. Henry didn't want to be offensive. Just look cool.

Then again, he could always get a tattoo of something like a skull. Skulls weren't racist, unless they were like, blackface or something. Painted skulls would be pretty neat. They were pretty popular in revival South and Latin America, especially in regards to Dia de Muertos, or the Mexican day of the dead.

What a neat holiday. So spooky, yet spiritual, like a zombie priest doing undead sermons to his skeletal herd. Hmm, that analogy was a bit inaccurate. Did priests do sermons, or wasn't it like, some other position in the church. How strange. Regardless, it was traditional to refer to churchgoers as the 'flock' as 'herd' indicated cows rather than sheep.

Subtle differences are important in wacky mental fantasies!

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Henry had stopped fidgeting for now, but it was very obvious that he still wanted to. He was a damn squirrely kid. He'd better not start kicking his feet and hitting Jae in the shins, or they were going to have some problems.

More problems than Jae was already having with things such as straight lines and not making Henry look like a raccoon, anyway. He'd smudged the line underneath one eye by accident and over-corrected trying to even the other one out and now...

"It's... uh..." He frowned, trying to think of a good way to phrase his next words. "A disaster" probably wasn't the most tactful way to put it. Surely there had been worse first attempts at eyeliner. There had to have been. Maybe it was easier when applying it to your own face. Hopefully.

"It's... a start." If you want to look like you just crawled out of Marilyn Manson's garbage can, anyway.

You've let us all down, Ash 52. Ashes 1 through 51 are going to be so disappointed.

[Espi]

Man, this was so cool! Henry was incredibly excited. The sensation of makeup was really interesting. Henry loved Halloween, naturally, and this reminded him of that really cool zombie costume he did last year with the green skin and bleeding tears. Man, that was awesome. Or that time he was a vampire with the white face. Geez, he was like six when that happened. Was that the first Halloween he remembered? Seemed so.

Hmm, what should he do this year for Halloween? He kinda wanted to be a werewolf. It was classic, a little cheesy, but it could be super fun to go full ham and just howl at the moon and stuff. He could probably find some decent costume parts. Worst come to worst, he could say he was a werewolf but since it wasn't the full moon he looked normal. That was kind of lazy, though. Henry hated laziness on Halloween. Why even do anything if you're just going to go out looking normal? That defeated the purpose!

Oh, right. Jae was a thing.

"How do I look?" Henry asked, grinning from ear to ear.

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"You look like..." Jae shrugged helplessly. "Like somebody wearing a bunch of eyeliner." He moved aside and gestured towards the door. "You can go look at yourself in the bathroom mirror, I guess."

Henry looked so eager and excited that Jae actually felt a little bad about letting him down by not doing an amazing job with the eyeliner. Faces, it turned out, were not at all like paper. He'd known that on some level at least, but he still couldn't help being disappointed with his first results.

"I'll get better," he added, more for his own benefit than Henry's. He moved back over to his desk to replace the eyeliner pencil that he'd used and picked up a different one to examine it. Maybe they were made out of different material and one was easier to use? He sure as hell wasn't touching the liquid eyeliner any time soon after his first adventure with just a pencil had turned Henry into some kind of were-raccoon.

Ugh. Nobody had given him any indication that makeup was going to be this complicated. He supposed he could always call his mom in for backup, but that was a very last resort.

Jae heaved a frustrated sigh, removing the cap from the new pencil that he'd picked up to examine the tip of it and compare to the previous one as he waited for Henry's reaction to his makeover.