((Nadia Riva continued from Flashing Lights))
Nadia stepped out of the backseat of the Dodge Challenger, stretching her arms over her head. She bent her torso to the left, then the right, then the left again. Hooking up in the back of Rod's nice car had some glamour to it, but Nadia always felt slightly cramped when it was all done. Maybe it was her size, or maybe it was just laying in one position for a long period of time, but it always felt good to get out of the car right when they were done and she had her skirt back on.
Nadia looked up at the night sky. It was a clear evening out in the Mojave desert, filling the sky with stars. Nadia didn't have much to love about Kingman, but she did love the way the sky looked on clear, spring evenings like this one. They were free from all the pollution and the bustle of the city, leaving everything quiet and peaceful.
Yesterday, Nadia had learned one of her photos was published on Photo Vogue, so she and Rod went out to celebrate. Naturally, that led them to the backseat of Rod's Challenger somewhere in the middle of the desert outside of Kingman, but she wasn't going to deny that she hoped it would end up there.
Nadia walked back to the car and opened the passenger side door. Her purse was still sitting on the seat, so she reached for it. She opened it up and pulled out her camera. After putting her purse back on the seat and closing the door, she took a few steps away from the car and pointed the camera lens at the sky. There was a flash, and then Nadia had a picture of the evening sky.
"I know it's kind of cliche to take pictures of the night sky," she said aloud, "but dammit, I think I'm actually in love with it tonight."
Na'iidzeeł
Private
"I think I'll actually miss it a little. The view's always been something else, out here."
They'd gone east into the desert, off the main road and beyond a hill away from Kingman's blazing lights, almost specifically for this view. The Challenger wasn't strictly designed for desert paths but it had done the job just fine and when she kicked him out so she'd have room to put some clothes back on he'd gotten decent and had a seat on the bonnet to enjoy the chill of nighttime desert air. A nice change from baking in the midday sun, especially when his torso was bare other than the letterman jacket hanging off his shoulders, his shirt left in the Challenger. The windows were still fogged up, but he'd left the car running and the A/C on low for once they were driving again, hoping it'd clear the windows and do something about the smell of sweat and passion.
It was worth it, though, both what they'd just been doing and seeing Nadia as happy and excited as she'd been over the past few days. She was like him in that she often walked around almost as if the city of Kingman were throttling the life out of her every second she spent in it; the light in her voice over the phone as she gave him the news almost made her sound like a different person entirely from the Nadia he knew. It showed on her face and in the afterglow, rivalling the moon that shone down on them. Though she might laugh in his face if she heard him thinking that. Oh well.
The Mojave at night really was something, almost enough to make living out here worth it, all the stars in all their glory stretching out before them with hardly anything clouding them. You couldn't see most of these over in Los Angeles, whatever else it had to offer. Was the sky why people chose to stay here, those who could afford to get away? There was something to be said for peace, even if staying here couldn't satisfy the roaring ambitions in his heart.
Idly, he patted a space next to him on the bonnet with his hand, inviting her to take a seat if she wanted, once she was done taking as many shots as she liked. Far be it from him to get between Nadia and her photography, any more than he'd appreciate her jumping onto the mat during one of his practises.
They'd gone east into the desert, off the main road and beyond a hill away from Kingman's blazing lights, almost specifically for this view. The Challenger wasn't strictly designed for desert paths but it had done the job just fine and when she kicked him out so she'd have room to put some clothes back on he'd gotten decent and had a seat on the bonnet to enjoy the chill of nighttime desert air. A nice change from baking in the midday sun, especially when his torso was bare other than the letterman jacket hanging off his shoulders, his shirt left in the Challenger. The windows were still fogged up, but he'd left the car running and the A/C on low for once they were driving again, hoping it'd clear the windows and do something about the smell of sweat and passion.
It was worth it, though, both what they'd just been doing and seeing Nadia as happy and excited as she'd been over the past few days. She was like him in that she often walked around almost as if the city of Kingman were throttling the life out of her every second she spent in it; the light in her voice over the phone as she gave him the news almost made her sound like a different person entirely from the Nadia he knew. It showed on her face and in the afterglow, rivalling the moon that shone down on them. Though she might laugh in his face if she heard him thinking that. Oh well.
The Mojave at night really was something, almost enough to make living out here worth it, all the stars in all their glory stretching out before them with hardly anything clouding them. You couldn't see most of these over in Los Angeles, whatever else it had to offer. Was the sky why people chose to stay here, those who could afford to get away? There was something to be said for peace, even if staying here couldn't satisfy the roaring ambitions in his heart.
Idly, he patted a space next to him on the bonnet with his hand, inviting her to take a seat if she wanted, once she was done taking as many shots as she liked. Far be it from him to get between Nadia and her photography, any more than he'd appreciate her jumping onto the mat during one of his practises.
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Nadia took a few more snapshots of the surrounding area. Rod mentioned he'd miss that he'd miss the view. Nadia felt slightly melancholic at the mention. College acceptances would be arriving soon. Rod had gotten a few offers, but Nadia was still waiting on letters from UCLA and USC. She wouldn't see the sky like this in Los Angeles (or any sky with the smog levels as they are there), but she'd be trading it for something a lot more amazing.
Nadia turned and saw Rod laying on the hood of the car, patting for her to join. Nadia walked over and slid on top of the car. She nestled herself close to Rod, keeping the camera in her hands.
"Man, it's really almost here," she said. "It's hard to believe we're almost done with school. Just a few more months and then we're out."
Nadia looked over at Rod.
"You ready to get out of here?"
Nadia turned and saw Rod laying on the hood of the car, patting for her to join. Nadia walked over and slid on top of the car. She nestled herself close to Rod, keeping the camera in her hands.
"Man, it's really almost here," she said. "It's hard to believe we're almost done with school. Just a few more months and then we're out."
Nadia looked over at Rod.
"You ready to get out of here?"
"Been for years."
Assuming she meant Kingman and not the specific stretch of desert they were sitting in at that moment. Which she probably did given they still smelled of sex and they'd hardly left themselves any time to enjoy the desert or the stars. They'd both be headed to cities, soon, the air wouldn't be as crisp and the starlight wouldn't be as bright and peace wouldn't be so easy to come by. There would just be the pursuit of their dreams, and hopefully each other. He'd swept his gaze up and down her body as she approached and as she nestled against him his arm snaked round her waist, holding her close to his side.
The silence marched on comfortably, Roderick's world temporarily the seas of red earth and black-and-silver sky before them and the warmth of Nadia's body pressed against him. It was only a few seconds taken to contemplate the reality that they both existed, before he raised his free hand to gently brush a bit of hair from her face.
"We wouldn't've met if one of us grew up somewhere else, though, so it wasn't all bad."
Assuming she meant Kingman and not the specific stretch of desert they were sitting in at that moment. Which she probably did given they still smelled of sex and they'd hardly left themselves any time to enjoy the desert or the stars. They'd both be headed to cities, soon, the air wouldn't be as crisp and the starlight wouldn't be as bright and peace wouldn't be so easy to come by. There would just be the pursuit of their dreams, and hopefully each other. He'd swept his gaze up and down her body as she approached and as she nestled against him his arm snaked round her waist, holding her close to his side.
The silence marched on comfortably, Roderick's world temporarily the seas of red earth and black-and-silver sky before them and the warmth of Nadia's body pressed against him. It was only a few seconds taken to contemplate the reality that they both existed, before he raised his free hand to gently brush a bit of hair from her face.
"We wouldn't've met if one of us grew up somewhere else, though, so it wasn't all bad."
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Nadia smiled as Rod pulled her closer together. When she first met Rod, she figured he would be a rough jock type who she wouldn't have gotten along with. However, it was moments like this that reminded her of how gentle and loving he could be. It was really nice, and so she nuzzled her head against his shoulder.
"Yeah, meeting you was one of the best things about this place," she replied. "I can't say I like a lot of the people here, but I love you, so I think that puts you above most of this town's residents."
Nadia looked out at the vista before her. The desert seemed really dreary and lifeless, but tonight it seemed like one of the most beautiful places in the world.
"But you know, I think I'm ready to move on from this town. I mean, I'll come back to see my parents and for summer break, but I'm more excited to see new sights. There's just so much out there in the world to see."
"Yeah, meeting you was one of the best things about this place," she replied. "I can't say I like a lot of the people here, but I love you, so I think that puts you above most of this town's residents."
Nadia looked out at the vista before her. The desert seemed really dreary and lifeless, but tonight it seemed like one of the most beautiful places in the world.
"But you know, I think I'm ready to move on from this town. I mean, I'll come back to see my parents and for summer break, but I'm more excited to see new sights. There's just so much out there in the world to see."
"Love you, too."
Though she knew that, as much as she probably knew how his heart was thrashing around in his chest from those words despite how gently he continued to play with her hair. He'd wondered about that now and then, during long nights staring at his ceiling or lifting weights or driving off into the desert: did he really? Would he be as happy to wake up next to her in twenty years, for example, as he was right now? Who could say. Hopefully so, but the heart was a fickle thing and years could pass like grains of sand falling through one's fingers. Still, they'd been together a bit over a year now and they were still happy together; that was a good sign, wasn't it?
The desert was always beautiful, to him. It had been home to his people for centuries upon centuries after all, and he'd been taught to cherish it. How could someone find it boring? Well, he could actually understand the argument, but he couldn't see it himself. She was right about one thing at the very least - there was far too much to see out there to be content.
"You'll do great in LA, and you know I'm in your corner."
LA chewed people like Nadia up and spat them out daily, but he was still pulling for her. How could he not?
Though she knew that, as much as she probably knew how his heart was thrashing around in his chest from those words despite how gently he continued to play with her hair. He'd wondered about that now and then, during long nights staring at his ceiling or lifting weights or driving off into the desert: did he really? Would he be as happy to wake up next to her in twenty years, for example, as he was right now? Who could say. Hopefully so, but the heart was a fickle thing and years could pass like grains of sand falling through one's fingers. Still, they'd been together a bit over a year now and they were still happy together; that was a good sign, wasn't it?
The desert was always beautiful, to him. It had been home to his people for centuries upon centuries after all, and he'd been taught to cherish it. How could someone find it boring? Well, he could actually understand the argument, but he couldn't see it himself. She was right about one thing at the very least - there was far too much to see out there to be content.
"You'll do great in LA, and you know I'm in your corner."
LA chewed people like Nadia up and spat them out daily, but he was still pulling for her. How could he not?
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Nadia gazed up at the night sky as Rod replied with a similar declaration of love. She couldn't help but smile at it. Nadia always felt it was dumb for girls to get too into guys and romance. She had heard enough of that when Rochelle was always talking about he several boyfriends back when she went to Cochise. Still, maybe it was because she hadn't experienced it at the time, but now that she was here with Rod, she could see what the fuss was about.
Nadia raised her camera to the sky and took another picture. Rod said she'd do great in LA.
"I hope so," she said, lowering the camera. "I mean, I know this business is competitive, and even more restrictive for a girl like me, but at the very least, I want to get some good times out of it."
Nadia adjusted herself slightly on the car hood.
"Well, at least I don't want to leave feeling like a failure."
Nadia raised her camera to the sky and took another picture. Rod said she'd do great in LA.
"I hope so," she said, lowering the camera. "I mean, I know this business is competitive, and even more restrictive for a girl like me, but at the very least, I want to get some good times out of it."
Nadia adjusted herself slightly on the car hood.
"Well, at least I don't want to leave feeling like a failure."
"Why would you feel like a failure?"
What an odd thing to say. He could name a bunch of failures here off the top of his head, but Nadia wasn't one of them, and he didn't just say that because she was his girlfriend. She had passion, drive, talent, the tools needed to get out of this sand trap and make something of herself. He laid back on the hood of the car, propped up on his forearms as he regarded her. Maybe he'd missed something, but then, hadn't he felt like a failure himself, when that one little slip made him miss his senior season?
"I don't see it. You've got a picture in Photo Vogue, you're getting out of Kingman, and UCLA's a great school, isn't it?"
Wrestling didn't allow for doubt. You got on the mat and you fought your heart out, and if you lost faith for even a moment you were screwed. Maybe you'd win, maybe you'd lose, and Roderick hadn't lost a match in years, but you had to step into the arena every single time as if your victory were assured. That wasn't arrogance, it was fighting spirit.
What an odd thing to say. He could name a bunch of failures here off the top of his head, but Nadia wasn't one of them, and he didn't just say that because she was his girlfriend. She had passion, drive, talent, the tools needed to get out of this sand trap and make something of herself. He laid back on the hood of the car, propped up on his forearms as he regarded her. Maybe he'd missed something, but then, hadn't he felt like a failure himself, when that one little slip made him miss his senior season?
"I don't see it. You've got a picture in Photo Vogue, you're getting out of Kingman, and UCLA's a great school, isn't it?"
Wrestling didn't allow for doubt. You got on the mat and you fought your heart out, and if you lost faith for even a moment you were screwed. Maybe you'd win, maybe you'd lose, and Roderick hadn't lost a match in years, but you had to step into the arena every single time as if your victory were assured. That wasn't arrogance, it was fighting spirit.
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Nadia let out a small sigh. Rod asked why she'd feel like a failure, especially when she had the picture in Photo Vogue and was set to get out of Kingman. Nadia shrugged.
"I mean, I don't feel like a failure now," she explained. "It's too soon to feel like that. Especially before I even take a photography and film course or even start going around on go-sees. I just want to feel like it was all worth something, but...well..."
Nadia set the camera in her lap and then held her hands up to the sky.
"It's like...I believe I can do this. I think I can go to LA, break into the modeling industry, and make a name for myself as a model and photographer, or at least let that be a launching point to another career. But at the same time, I feel like I can't put too much hope into this. Like, I have to put a reasonable amount of faith and realism into these goals of mine, but if I tip too far into either direction, I'll fail. Either I'll fail because I couldn't grasp the seriousness of the business, or I take it too seriously that I lose all individuality and imagination. Both options seem frightening, so I feel like I can't get too swept away by this all. It's like I have to accept that I'll either succeed and live the dream, or fail and be left in a void where I'm not sure what's next."
Nadia lowered her arms and cleared her throat.
"I don't know, am I just babbling? Or does that make sense?"
"I mean, I don't feel like a failure now," she explained. "It's too soon to feel like that. Especially before I even take a photography and film course or even start going around on go-sees. I just want to feel like it was all worth something, but...well..."
Nadia set the camera in her lap and then held her hands up to the sky.
"It's like...I believe I can do this. I think I can go to LA, break into the modeling industry, and make a name for myself as a model and photographer, or at least let that be a launching point to another career. But at the same time, I feel like I can't put too much hope into this. Like, I have to put a reasonable amount of faith and realism into these goals of mine, but if I tip too far into either direction, I'll fail. Either I'll fail because I couldn't grasp the seriousness of the business, or I take it too seriously that I lose all individuality and imagination. Both options seem frightening, so I feel like I can't get too swept away by this all. It's like I have to accept that I'll either succeed and live the dream, or fail and be left in a void where I'm not sure what's next."
Nadia lowered her arms and cleared her throat.
"I don't know, am I just babbling? Or does that make sense?"
"I think I get it. It's not really something I can afford to think about in my sport, but I see where you're coming from."
His sport was much easier than her career path, in a way. You just showed up to practise every day, you just got on the mat and did it. No second guessing, no panicking. He sat there and listened, just like he'd done for similar talks in the past, just like he might do while psyching up a nervous freshman for his first time on the mat, because that was the right thing to do and she obviously needed to get this off her chest. What could he really offer that he hadn't already, though? That wasn't his world or his area of expertise.
For a moment, he looked to the moon as if hoping it would offer some kind of answer. It couldn't, of course, it was just a huge rock a couple hundred thousand miles away from Earth, but the light centred him at least. And, of course, Nadia would still probably want to hear what he had to say. If it would be helpful at all, that was another question.
"Way I see it, this is your passion, what you want to do with your life, yeah? So you have to fight for it, give it all you've got. You're not going to lose all your individuality or anything, but all this second guessing is just setting yourself up to fail. You know what I mean?"
His sport was much easier than her career path, in a way. You just showed up to practise every day, you just got on the mat and did it. No second guessing, no panicking. He sat there and listened, just like he'd done for similar talks in the past, just like he might do while psyching up a nervous freshman for his first time on the mat, because that was the right thing to do and she obviously needed to get this off her chest. What could he really offer that he hadn't already, though? That wasn't his world or his area of expertise.
For a moment, he looked to the moon as if hoping it would offer some kind of answer. It couldn't, of course, it was just a huge rock a couple hundred thousand miles away from Earth, but the light centred him at least. And, of course, Nadia would still probably want to hear what he had to say. If it would be helpful at all, that was another question.
"Way I see it, this is your passion, what you want to do with your life, yeah? So you have to fight for it, give it all you've got. You're not going to lose all your individuality or anything, but all this second guessing is just setting yourself up to fail. You know what I mean?"
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Nadia was glad Rod understood what she was talking about. Part of her would have been embarrassed if he didn't understand any of her insane ramblings. The other part would have been upset if he had no idea what she was talking about and couldn't help her make sense of her feelings. Maybe they were more in tune than she thought. That was comforting, at least.
Way I see it, this is your passion, what you want to do with your life, yeah? So you have to fight for it, give it all you've got. You're not going to lose all your individuality or anything, but all this second guessing is just setting yourself up to fail. You know what I mean?
Nadia nodded along as Rod gave his thoughts. It made sense. It really wouldn't be too hard to lose her individuality as long as she kept to her own style when taking photos and represented herself well as a professional.
"Yeah, I know second guessing can only get in the way," she said. "Maybe I'm just assuming my time in Los Angeles will be like Barton Fink. But that's unlikely."
Nadia nuzzled her head against Rod's shoulder.
"But what about you? I mean, you've got some ideas for what's next, right?"
Way I see it, this is your passion, what you want to do with your life, yeah? So you have to fight for it, give it all you've got. You're not going to lose all your individuality or anything, but all this second guessing is just setting yourself up to fail. You know what I mean?
Nadia nodded along as Rod gave his thoughts. It made sense. It really wouldn't be too hard to lose her individuality as long as she kept to her own style when taking photos and represented herself well as a professional.
"Yeah, I know second guessing can only get in the way," she said. "Maybe I'm just assuming my time in Los Angeles will be like Barton Fink. But that's unlikely."
Nadia nuzzled her head against Rod's shoulder.
"But what about you? I mean, you've got some ideas for what's next, right?"
"I've pretty much narrowed the offers down to three."
Two, really, because even though American University was a good school and a good wrestling team, he didn't particularly want to up and move to the other side of the country from her. Staying in Arizona was right out, and Iowa was almost as bad. He just hadn't taken that last step. Stanford was, well, Stanford, but had he really earned that? And wouldn't that just be following the same path his father had walked? How much of their offer was just his dad being an alumnus?
Wouldn't he be a fool to pick UCLA over that, though, even if it did mean being five hours away from LA and Nadia? What did he even want to do, as degrees went? Idly, he went back to running a hand through her hair as she nuzzled against his shoulder and he continued mulling on it.
"I've been talking to all three coaches. I know they won't wait forever, but there's still some time to decide for sure."
Two, really, because even though American University was a good school and a good wrestling team, he didn't particularly want to up and move to the other side of the country from her. Staying in Arizona was right out, and Iowa was almost as bad. He just hadn't taken that last step. Stanford was, well, Stanford, but had he really earned that? And wouldn't that just be following the same path his father had walked? How much of their offer was just his dad being an alumnus?
Wouldn't he be a fool to pick UCLA over that, though, even if it did mean being five hours away from LA and Nadia? What did he even want to do, as degrees went? Idly, he went back to running a hand through her hair as she nuzzled against his shoulder and he continued mulling on it.
"I've been talking to all three coaches. I know they won't wait forever, but there's still some time to decide for sure."
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Nadia felt Rod run his large fingers through her freshly-dyed hair. The repetitive motion felt nice as she lay next to him. Rod seemed to have a few more things straightened out in regards to his college picks. He was in talks with three schools, which sounded pretty impressive for an athlete from their small town.
"Well, what's going to push you to choose?" Nadia asked. "Would it if they offered a full ride? Or would it be more about location or academic programs?"
"I mean, have they started to show how desperate they are for you?"
"Well, what's going to push you to choose?" Nadia asked. "Would it if they offered a full ride? Or would it be more about location or academic programs?"
"I mean, have they started to show how desperate they are for you?"
"Hard to say. I mean, Stanford and AU have offered full rides, but I'm not sure who I want to pull the trigger for. It's a huge decision to make, you know?"
And one of them had the shadow of Vernon Kanuho looming over it. Roderick loved and respected his father, but he didn't want to spend his entire academic career as "Vernon Kanuho's son". Who would? Roderick was his own man, with his own dreams. His fingers still busy with her hair, he kept his gaze on the stars, letting the thoughtful silence remain for a moment.
"They're good schools, but I don't know if I like the idea of moving all the way to Washington DC, and even Stanford's five hours away from where you'd be."
He could drive it, and Skype and Facebook and phones and the like were still things, but it still bugged him. Was their relationship one that could survive suddenly being long distance?
And one of them had the shadow of Vernon Kanuho looming over it. Roderick loved and respected his father, but he didn't want to spend his entire academic career as "Vernon Kanuho's son". Who would? Roderick was his own man, with his own dreams. His fingers still busy with her hair, he kept his gaze on the stars, letting the thoughtful silence remain for a moment.
"They're good schools, but I don't know if I like the idea of moving all the way to Washington DC, and even Stanford's five hours away from where you'd be."
He could drive it, and Skype and Facebook and phones and the like were still things, but it still bugged him. Was their relationship one that could survive suddenly being long distance?
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Nadia listened as Rod mentioned the schools he was scouting. AU and Stanford were pretty big schools to go to. She knew his dad went to Stanford, although she knew he was hesitant to be too similar to his dad. Still, it was nice that Rod was thinking of distance for where he'd go to school.
"Well, I don't want to be all that holds you back from going to a specific school," Nadia said. "Stanford would be nice for the five hour distance, but if American has programs you are more interested in, go for it. I'm cool making long weekend trips to Stanford, and I hope you'd like to do the same if I get into UCLA. And if you choose American, I'd be willing to fly out and see you on holidays. I've never been to DC before, so I would make the effort."
Nadia stretched her back a bit before settling into her comfortable place.
"Honestly, a long distance relationship sounds daunting, but I've read about people whose relationships were entirely long distance before they got married. I'm not talking about mail order brides or prison relationships, but relationships done completely over email and the phone. I definitely think we should try as long as we remember to put the effort into it."
"I mean, I know you're not the kind of guy who would give up easily, so I won't be that kind of woman."
"Well, I don't want to be all that holds you back from going to a specific school," Nadia said. "Stanford would be nice for the five hour distance, but if American has programs you are more interested in, go for it. I'm cool making long weekend trips to Stanford, and I hope you'd like to do the same if I get into UCLA. And if you choose American, I'd be willing to fly out and see you on holidays. I've never been to DC before, so I would make the effort."
Nadia stretched her back a bit before settling into her comfortable place.
"Honestly, a long distance relationship sounds daunting, but I've read about people whose relationships were entirely long distance before they got married. I'm not talking about mail order brides or prison relationships, but relationships done completely over email and the phone. I definitely think we should try as long as we remember to put the effort into it."
"I mean, I know you're not the kind of guy who would give up easily, so I won't be that kind of woman."