((Georgia Lee Day continued from Get Me Away From Here, I'm Dying))
If Georgia Lee had expected to emerge from their shelter of nearly a week to find an apocalyptic wasteland, a decaying ghost town containing only hints of its previous inhabitants and their sad fates, the library did not disappoint.
She might have been horrified once, to see a place that she thought ought to be a sanctuary defaced. Shelves had been toppled, bodies littered the floor. The stench of death was inescapable. She was preoccupied, however.
The announcement of the fire had awoken her yesterday, but her concern wasn't who was setting fires or what their intent was. If it was a rescue beacon, good; when rescue arrived - if it arrived - Georga Lee would lead the way. She would be vindicated in all the choices that she had been questioned for here, all the slight blemishes she had inflicted on her image, because though not all of them had been done with the purest intent, she had survived. She hadn't harmed or killed anyone. Not only that, but she had kept a dangerous, unpredictable woman from harming or killing anyone by keeping Fiyori contained for several days. Georgia Lee had been smart, and she would have emerged the most unscathed of anyone save for the pain of lost friends.
But those were thoughts for when - if - that time came. Georgia Lee's thoughts now were focused on that morning's announcement, because that had brought with it another, smaller reassurance and vindication.
It wasn't just the innocent losing their lives anymore. The killers were beginning to die too.
Olivia had had her bad experiences, but she was unhurt. The both of them were. They hadn't encountered anyone with malicious intent, save Fioryi, and she had thankfully made herself scarce. Slowly but surely, the ones who played stupidly, recklessly, and maliciously were being eliminated.
Georgia Lee had been smart. She wasn't on anyone's list. She had her sanctuary, and she just had to hope that both the terrorists and her fellow students forgot all about her as she had once desperately fought for them not to.
She could get through a few more days, slowly but surely. And it would help if she had something to read, so she did her best to ignore the smell and started scanning the shelves that had been left upright.
Until Then, You Are Free
Day 6; open
Until Then, You Are Free
"Art enriches the community, Steve, no less than a pulsing fire hose, or a fireman beating down a blazing door. So what if we're drawing a nude man? So what if all we ever draw is a nude man, or the same nude man over and over in all sorts of provocative positions? Context, not content! Process, not subject! Don't be so gauche, Steve, it's beneath you."
((Olivia Fischer continues from Get Me Away From Here, I'm Dying))
This was fine.
Sure, there was Samuel and Joshua and Nancy, what was them really, lying on the floor. And there were flies on them, too, and if Olivia kept looking, they would join Abby in her mind and they would never leave her, so really just look elsewhere.
But, but, they were literally across the hallway from their sanctuary, and they'd made the cafeteria doors look as closed and abandoned as they probably did when Georgia Lee or Fiyori happened upon it, so they would probably notice if anyone snuck up. So, that was nice, more than fine. And she had Irene, Irene's sweater with her. And books. So many. She could cut out some of the paper, and if they could find a pen, then maybe Olivia could draw all the letters and pictures necessary to make a full deck. They could play something other than tic-tac-toe. And, there were books, and this place was old and maybe they had E. E. Cummings here, or Ezra Pound, and maybe she could reclaim some more parts for herself, and maybe she could rebuild herself, at least for this little while. Yes, this was fine, this was fine.
Just get yourself past the threshold.
She took a step, and felt herself falling a bit. A millisecond. She stopped herself. She'd thought crying about Irene's sweater would've sucked all the energy out of her, but then the announcement about the library came, and ideas of fire coming from the library across them, devouring them, ideas like that raced through her. But, of course, it was the other library on this island. That was also nice. So, she took more uncertain steps towards Georgia Lee, towards one of the shelves still standing, and looked for worthless books, books to rip apart and make into a part of her, a deck of cards.
She got a book, some science text book for 11th graders, probably from the 50s. She flipped the pages and found a picture of a lens, of how light refracted through it or whatever. And it triggered something in her, a question she'd been meaning to ask for a few days but had always forgotten about or stepped away from, mostly because it'd seemed too soon. But it had been a couple days since, so, why not?
Because she might not want to answer, it might not be the type of question that should be asked.
But even as she thought this, the words were already on her lips.
"H-hey. Just wondering, but. But, why were you with Fiyori? Like, why her?"
This was fine.
Sure, there was Samuel and Joshua and Nancy, what was them really, lying on the floor. And there were flies on them, too, and if Olivia kept looking, they would join Abby in her mind and they would never leave her, so really just look elsewhere.
But, but, they were literally across the hallway from their sanctuary, and they'd made the cafeteria doors look as closed and abandoned as they probably did when Georgia Lee or Fiyori happened upon it, so they would probably notice if anyone snuck up. So, that was nice, more than fine. And she had Irene, Irene's sweater with her. And books. So many. She could cut out some of the paper, and if they could find a pen, then maybe Olivia could draw all the letters and pictures necessary to make a full deck. They could play something other than tic-tac-toe. And, there were books, and this place was old and maybe they had E. E. Cummings here, or Ezra Pound, and maybe she could reclaim some more parts for herself, and maybe she could rebuild herself, at least for this little while. Yes, this was fine, this was fine.
Just get yourself past the threshold.
She took a step, and felt herself falling a bit. A millisecond. She stopped herself. She'd thought crying about Irene's sweater would've sucked all the energy out of her, but then the announcement about the library came, and ideas of fire coming from the library across them, devouring them, ideas like that raced through her. But, of course, it was the other library on this island. That was also nice. So, she took more uncertain steps towards Georgia Lee, towards one of the shelves still standing, and looked for worthless books, books to rip apart and make into a part of her, a deck of cards.
She got a book, some science text book for 11th graders, probably from the 50s. She flipped the pages and found a picture of a lens, of how light refracted through it or whatever. And it triggered something in her, a question she'd been meaning to ask for a few days but had always forgotten about or stepped away from, mostly because it'd seemed too soon. But it had been a couple days since, so, why not?
Because she might not want to answer, it might not be the type of question that should be asked.
But even as she thought this, the words were already on her lips.
"H-hey. Just wondering, but. But, why were you with Fiyori? Like, why her?"
Georgia Lee paused in her perusal of the shelves at Olivia's question.
"We just happened to wake up near each other," she said, realizing how unconvincing that sounded despite its truth. "I... found her glasses and was holding onto them for her. For my safety, too, you know how she's unpredictable - and we decided to stick together for a while. We agreed that wandering around with almost no idea of what's out there was more dangerous than staying together."
She ran her fingers down the row of books, feeling the faded words on their spines. "Things were starting to come apart by the time you came along, though. Fiyori... when she took her glasses back, I think she had decided that I had an ulterior motive." Easier to say that than to try explaining that ulterior motives weren't always bad, easier than trying to explain that it was better for everyone if some people had others to guide and restrain them. There were too many ways that could be spun to make Georgia Lee herself look bad and too many angles that could be read into her bizarre, complex relationship with Fiyori.
"But you know, I- I'm glad that she stayed with me for a few days. I'm glad that I wasn't alone." Glad for the protection more than the company, glad that she hadn't been left to go mad in isolation and paranoia. Nobody watching the cameras would know anything more than what they had seen and what she said. "I don't know what she'll do now that she's out there now, but I'm trying not to worry too much about it."
Whatever it was that Fiyori ended up doing, Georgia Lee intended to be safely back in their hideout by the time she heard about it. All that Fiyori was now was one more name that she would not open her doors to welcome in.
"We just happened to wake up near each other," she said, realizing how unconvincing that sounded despite its truth. "I... found her glasses and was holding onto them for her. For my safety, too, you know how she's unpredictable - and we decided to stick together for a while. We agreed that wandering around with almost no idea of what's out there was more dangerous than staying together."
She ran her fingers down the row of books, feeling the faded words on their spines. "Things were starting to come apart by the time you came along, though. Fiyori... when she took her glasses back, I think she had decided that I had an ulterior motive." Easier to say that than to try explaining that ulterior motives weren't always bad, easier than trying to explain that it was better for everyone if some people had others to guide and restrain them. There were too many ways that could be spun to make Georgia Lee herself look bad and too many angles that could be read into her bizarre, complex relationship with Fiyori.
"But you know, I- I'm glad that she stayed with me for a few days. I'm glad that I wasn't alone." Glad for the protection more than the company, glad that she hadn't been left to go mad in isolation and paranoia. Nobody watching the cameras would know anything more than what they had seen and what she said. "I don't know what she'll do now that she's out there now, but I'm trying not to worry too much about it."
Whatever it was that Fiyori ended up doing, Georgia Lee intended to be safely back in their hideout by the time she heard about it. All that Fiyori was now was one more name that she would not open her doors to welcome in.
"Art enriches the community, Steve, no less than a pulsing fire hose, or a fireman beating down a blazing door. So what if we're drawing a nude man? So what if all we ever draw is a nude man, or the same nude man over and over in all sorts of provocative positions? Context, not content! Process, not subject! Don't be so gauche, Steve, it's beneath you."
She nodded.
This was fine, also, yeah, that made sense, waking up together and staying together and safe and staying company, that made sense to Olivia, yeah. But she didn't satisfy herself with that quite yet, there was something that bugged her, niggled at her. 'What you've done', ulterior motives, holding onto her glasses, her taking them back.
Holding onto her glasses.
"Huh."
Georgia Lee was holding onto her glasses, they stayed together, Fiyori took them back. Did, did Georgia Lee steal Fiyori's glasses?
And, something about Georgia Lee's safety, about not being alone. Was that why?
And Olivia stood there staring at that picture of a lens, remembering Hannah and how she was a familiar face worn by an unfamiliar being, and this was Georgia Lee next to her, being a familiar face, a dear face, but was she the Georgia Lee that Olivia was familiar with? And when she'd burst into that room, Olivia had worried so much about them running from her, about them trusting her, and Georgia Lee did, at least, handed her back her weapon, and that meant the world. But did she?
No, don't make your own enemies. This isn't as bad as it sounds. Right?
She looked up at Georgia Lee. "Why'd you keep her glasses, though? Sorry, just a bit confused there. Tired."
This was fine, also, yeah, that made sense, waking up together and staying together and safe and staying company, that made sense to Olivia, yeah. But she didn't satisfy herself with that quite yet, there was something that bugged her, niggled at her. 'What you've done', ulterior motives, holding onto her glasses, her taking them back.
Holding onto her glasses.
"Huh."
Georgia Lee was holding onto her glasses, they stayed together, Fiyori took them back. Did, did Georgia Lee steal Fiyori's glasses?
And, something about Georgia Lee's safety, about not being alone. Was that why?
And Olivia stood there staring at that picture of a lens, remembering Hannah and how she was a familiar face worn by an unfamiliar being, and this was Georgia Lee next to her, being a familiar face, a dear face, but was she the Georgia Lee that Olivia was familiar with? And when she'd burst into that room, Olivia had worried so much about them running from her, about them trusting her, and Georgia Lee did, at least, handed her back her weapon, and that meant the world. But did she?
No, don't make your own enemies. This isn't as bad as it sounds. Right?
She looked up at Georgia Lee. "Why'd you keep her glasses, though? Sorry, just a bit confused there. Tired."
Georgia Lee did not like where this conversation was headed.
The more she had to try to explain and justify it all, the more it would sound like she was making excuses. It would sound like she had been more underhanded than she really had been, like she hadn't been doing what was necessary for her safety and survival.
"I just picked them up when I first woke up. I nearly stepped on them - they had fallen off and were in the dirt, and I just picked them up." She caught herself before she could begin rambling, stumbling. "By the time I remembered and gave them back, she had gotten angry."
She wouldn't mention the tape, the hiding place, Fiyori's slithering, scuttling movements when she saw her goal. Olivia wouldn't understand.
The more she had to try to explain and justify it all, the more it would sound like she was making excuses. It would sound like she had been more underhanded than she really had been, like she hadn't been doing what was necessary for her safety and survival.
"I just picked them up when I first woke up. I nearly stepped on them - they had fallen off and were in the dirt, and I just picked them up." She caught herself before she could begin rambling, stumbling. "By the time I remembered and gave them back, she had gotten angry."
She wouldn't mention the tape, the hiding place, Fiyori's slithering, scuttling movements when she saw her goal. Olivia wouldn't understand.
"Art enriches the community, Steve, no less than a pulsing fire hose, or a fireman beating down a blazing door. So what if we're drawing a nude man? So what if all we ever draw is a nude man, or the same nude man over and over in all sorts of provocative positions? Context, not content! Process, not subject! Don't be so gauche, Steve, it's beneath you."
"But, Fiyori"
And Olivia closed her eyes because no, Georgia Lee would never do such a thing, get a hold of yourself, and she imagined going to sleep right there because her eyelids were heavier than her two bags slung on her shoulders. And then she opened them again because she'd breathed through her nose instead of through her mouth, and the smell of Nancy and Joshua and Samuel rotting away, their essence fading and yet intensifying, asserting itself, filled her nose, shook her, and all she had to do was breath through her mouth, and she opened her eyes and remembered she was still saying something
"Fiyori, she, uh, she always wears glasses though."
And she stopped again, looked at the floor, tried to find her train of thought, maybe it was somewhere on the floor, but no, really, she stopped because maybe she really should stop because Georgia Lee didn't look happy, didn't like where this was going, and Olivia didn't also, and what would she gain from knowing whether or not Georgia Lee acted so, acted so deceptive? But something kept pushing her to ask, and so she went on.
"So, you returned it to her immediately, and she was suspicious of you for several days, or you only remembered to give it her after a couple days?"
And 'sorry, I didn't mean for it to sound like that', those syllables, they were already on her lips, on the tip of her tongue, but then she just decided to wait for Georgia Lee to answer because she went over the facts and the non-facts and realized that no matter how Olivia phrased what she just heard, what she knew, that it would never sound good.
And Olivia closed her eyes because no, Georgia Lee would never do such a thing, get a hold of yourself, and she imagined going to sleep right there because her eyelids were heavier than her two bags slung on her shoulders. And then she opened them again because she'd breathed through her nose instead of through her mouth, and the smell of Nancy and Joshua and Samuel rotting away, their essence fading and yet intensifying, asserting itself, filled her nose, shook her, and all she had to do was breath through her mouth, and she opened her eyes and remembered she was still saying something
"Fiyori, she, uh, she always wears glasses though."
And she stopped again, looked at the floor, tried to find her train of thought, maybe it was somewhere on the floor, but no, really, she stopped because maybe she really should stop because Georgia Lee didn't look happy, didn't like where this was going, and Olivia didn't also, and what would she gain from knowing whether or not Georgia Lee acted so, acted so deceptive? But something kept pushing her to ask, and so she went on.
"So, you returned it to her immediately, and she was suspicious of you for several days, or you only remembered to give it her after a couple days?"
And 'sorry, I didn't mean for it to sound like that', those syllables, they were already on her lips, on the tip of her tongue, but then she just decided to wait for Georgia Lee to answer because she went over the facts and the non-facts and realized that no matter how Olivia phrased what she just heard, what she knew, that it would never sound good.
"Look, I..." Georgia Lee was getting agitated, and that wasn't good. It wasn't necessary, but neither were Olivia's incessant questions. Did it really matter how long she had held onto Fiyori's glasses? Hadn't Fiyori made it perfectly clear how she would behave when given any bit of power?
"I can't say that all the decisions I've made so far have been the best. We were out in the open, all alone, and we had to rush to find somewhere safe, and I wasn't sure what she would do if I gave them back right away, you know she's always-" Georgia Lee cut herself off.
What good would this do? The more reasons she gave, the less convincing she sounded. The easiest thing in the world to find is an excuse. "I just forgot, after a while. There was so much going on."
"We've stayed safe this long," she said finally. She and Fiyori, she and Olivia. It was Georgia Lee that had kept them out of danger, and just look how they resented and suspected her for it. No good deed Georgia Lee did ever went unpunished.
"That's good enough."
And she moved off among the shelves, scanning for any familiar titles, to signify that the conversation was over.
"I can't say that all the decisions I've made so far have been the best. We were out in the open, all alone, and we had to rush to find somewhere safe, and I wasn't sure what she would do if I gave them back right away, you know she's always-" Georgia Lee cut herself off.
What good would this do? The more reasons she gave, the less convincing she sounded. The easiest thing in the world to find is an excuse. "I just forgot, after a while. There was so much going on."
"We've stayed safe this long," she said finally. She and Fiyori, she and Olivia. It was Georgia Lee that had kept them out of danger, and just look how they resented and suspected her for it. No good deed Georgia Lee did ever went unpunished.
"That's good enough."
And she moved off among the shelves, scanning for any familiar titles, to signify that the conversation was over.
"Art enriches the community, Steve, no less than a pulsing fire hose, or a fireman beating down a blazing door. So what if we're drawing a nude man? So what if all we ever draw is a nude man, or the same nude man over and over in all sorts of provocative positions? Context, not content! Process, not subject! Don't be so gauche, Steve, it's beneath you."
"Georgia Lee, I..."
She had gone too far. And there were many more questions waiting to be asked, but the truth of it was that Olivia already knew the answer, that she didn't need to push so far. Georgia Lee hid Fiyori's glasses to keep herself 'safe'. She never finished her sentence about how Fiyori always was, but she could imagine a few phrases Georgia Lee would use to fill in the blank. So aggressive. So mean. So antagonistic. Georgia Lee had her reasons.
But, it sounded so alien, so unlike Georgia Lee. Then again, everyone here was so alien. Friends leaving one another, classmates killing one another. So unlike Cochise. Maybe if she thought it again, she would believe it.
Georgia Lee stole Fiyori's glasses.
And the sentence held a little more coherence, more concreteness when she thought it again. But, what had she gained? Yes, she gained the knowledge that Georgia Lee could lie through her teeth, and? Who didn't? And, yeah, it was good enough for this island. When you had Nancy and Isabel and Alessio slaughtering people left and right, people she'd seen in the hallways and the classrooms, the canteen and the gym, the sidewalks and the aisles, when you had these people murdering classmates and friends, then what did a five-day lie mean in the great scheme of things?
Of course, there was a time when this would have meant reconsidering friendships, when stuff like this would've sounded like the worst thing ever, but by 'a time', Olivia meant not a year or a decade or a century before, but a week ago. A week ago, Irene and Hannah would have bothered keeping her around, a week ago, the most violent thing that had ever happened among her classmates was a fistfight, a week ago, deaths happened every year, at most, not every hour. And now Olivia's glasses were fogging up, and she took off her glasses and wiped her eyes, wiped the lenses, and while she held them, she remembered that maybe she should be a bit careful with them while around Georgia Lee, and so she held onto them tighter. And then she stopped because Georgia Lee did that to Fiyori, and she was Georgia Lee's friend, and she would never do that to her, right? She didn't need to be kept on some leash, right? And she hated herself because she was making an enemy out of Georgia Lee, she was making her own enemies when there were so few friends to be found, when even your closest friends ran away and dissipated into sweaters crumpled in bags. And now there were tears falling down her cheeks and mucus flowing down her nostrils, and it was such a familiar sensation already, and then she sniffled, and Nancy and Joshua and Samuel entered her nose, but this time, maybe it was due to the mucus or the fact they'd been in this room for a while, but it wasn't as intense. And then it hit her. She was getting used to the smell. And then something else occurred to her, something that occurred to her over and over and never stopped. This was her new normal. This was her life now, her last few days.
And she continued crying, trying to stifle her sobbing because why should Georgia Lee care for her now, and why did Olivia have to make her own enemies, and why did she have to keep driving people away? She ran her nails down her arm, imagined them cutting and bleeding into her, even though they left only red lines, because she deserved this, she deserved to be hurt because she kept on hurting herself through hurting others. And then she took her hand away because Abby's wrists, a flashlight in a pool of blood. But she awaited the sound of the door creaking open, of Georgia Lee's footsteps as they quieted, but it never came. Georgia Lee stayed. And that was good enough.
She'd almost forgotten what she came here for. Reclaiming herself, right. She flipped through the pages, looked for big whitespaces, and ripped them out, tore them out. Cards, right, they could play a few more games. Make this new normal a bit old. And then she looked through other shelves and caught Georgia Lee in the corner of her eye, but then she quickly looked away. Olivia thought that maybe she should apologize, but the same pride, the same hesitance that kept her from speaking to her mother, from speaking to the cameras possessed her. She'd already hurt herself enough. The thought of Georgia Lee purposefully ignoring her, rejecting her, even if she stayed in the end and talked to her later, was too much. And besides, Georgia Lee needed time to cool off, time for things to be OK. And she would cool off. She had to. So, she went to other shelves and found more pages to rip out.
She had gone too far. And there were many more questions waiting to be asked, but the truth of it was that Olivia already knew the answer, that she didn't need to push so far. Georgia Lee hid Fiyori's glasses to keep herself 'safe'. She never finished her sentence about how Fiyori always was, but she could imagine a few phrases Georgia Lee would use to fill in the blank. So aggressive. So mean. So antagonistic. Georgia Lee had her reasons.
But, it sounded so alien, so unlike Georgia Lee. Then again, everyone here was so alien. Friends leaving one another, classmates killing one another. So unlike Cochise. Maybe if she thought it again, she would believe it.
Georgia Lee stole Fiyori's glasses.
And the sentence held a little more coherence, more concreteness when she thought it again. But, what had she gained? Yes, she gained the knowledge that Georgia Lee could lie through her teeth, and? Who didn't? And, yeah, it was good enough for this island. When you had Nancy and Isabel and Alessio slaughtering people left and right, people she'd seen in the hallways and the classrooms, the canteen and the gym, the sidewalks and the aisles, when you had these people murdering classmates and friends, then what did a five-day lie mean in the great scheme of things?
Of course, there was a time when this would have meant reconsidering friendships, when stuff like this would've sounded like the worst thing ever, but by 'a time', Olivia meant not a year or a decade or a century before, but a week ago. A week ago, Irene and Hannah would have bothered keeping her around, a week ago, the most violent thing that had ever happened among her classmates was a fistfight, a week ago, deaths happened every year, at most, not every hour. And now Olivia's glasses were fogging up, and she took off her glasses and wiped her eyes, wiped the lenses, and while she held them, she remembered that maybe she should be a bit careful with them while around Georgia Lee, and so she held onto them tighter. And then she stopped because Georgia Lee did that to Fiyori, and she was Georgia Lee's friend, and she would never do that to her, right? She didn't need to be kept on some leash, right? And she hated herself because she was making an enemy out of Georgia Lee, she was making her own enemies when there were so few friends to be found, when even your closest friends ran away and dissipated into sweaters crumpled in bags. And now there were tears falling down her cheeks and mucus flowing down her nostrils, and it was such a familiar sensation already, and then she sniffled, and Nancy and Joshua and Samuel entered her nose, but this time, maybe it was due to the mucus or the fact they'd been in this room for a while, but it wasn't as intense. And then it hit her. She was getting used to the smell. And then something else occurred to her, something that occurred to her over and over and never stopped. This was her new normal. This was her life now, her last few days.
And she continued crying, trying to stifle her sobbing because why should Georgia Lee care for her now, and why did Olivia have to make her own enemies, and why did she have to keep driving people away? She ran her nails down her arm, imagined them cutting and bleeding into her, even though they left only red lines, because she deserved this, she deserved to be hurt because she kept on hurting herself through hurting others. And then she took her hand away because Abby's wrists, a flashlight in a pool of blood. But she awaited the sound of the door creaking open, of Georgia Lee's footsteps as they quieted, but it never came. Georgia Lee stayed. And that was good enough.
She'd almost forgotten what she came here for. Reclaiming herself, right. She flipped through the pages, looked for big whitespaces, and ripped them out, tore them out. Cards, right, they could play a few more games. Make this new normal a bit old. And then she looked through other shelves and caught Georgia Lee in the corner of her eye, but then she quickly looked away. Olivia thought that maybe she should apologize, but the same pride, the same hesitance that kept her from speaking to her mother, from speaking to the cameras possessed her. She'd already hurt herself enough. The thought of Georgia Lee purposefully ignoring her, rejecting her, even if she stayed in the end and talked to her later, was too much. And besides, Georgia Lee needed time to cool off, time for things to be OK. And she would cool off. She had to. So, she went to other shelves and found more pages to rip out.
Olivia was crying again. Georgia Lee was annoyed with herself for feeling guilty over it; why couldn't Liv have just left well enough alone? But all the same, Olivia was a friend where Fiyori hadn't been.
"Liv, I... I'm scared, okay?"
She spoke, shielded from view by the shelf that she had moved behind. Reason hadn't worked, so maybe she could appeal to emotion. She needed Olivia on her side, even if it meant playing up all that which she had suppressed in Fiyori's presence. She wanted to add more, to clarify that she would never do to Olivia what she had done to Fiyori, because Olivia had never looked at Georgia Lee like she was something to be eaten. Continuing to bring up the issue of Fiyori's glasses would do no good, though.
"I've been scared this whole time, and... maybe I've made mistakes. I can admit that." Even if she didn't believe they were mistakes, even if this felt like the time she had been dragged to detention because of Fiyori's actions all over again. At least in detention, she would have company. That was better than the times in class when they were told to find a partner and Georgia Lee was left sitting by herself, raising her hand and willing her voice not to shake with humiliation, May I work alone?
She couldn't work alone this time. Not here.
"Liv, I... I'm scared, okay?"
She spoke, shielded from view by the shelf that she had moved behind. Reason hadn't worked, so maybe she could appeal to emotion. She needed Olivia on her side, even if it meant playing up all that which she had suppressed in Fiyori's presence. She wanted to add more, to clarify that she would never do to Olivia what she had done to Fiyori, because Olivia had never looked at Georgia Lee like she was something to be eaten. Continuing to bring up the issue of Fiyori's glasses would do no good, though.
"I've been scared this whole time, and... maybe I've made mistakes. I can admit that." Even if she didn't believe they were mistakes, even if this felt like the time she had been dragged to detention because of Fiyori's actions all over again. At least in detention, she would have company. That was better than the times in class when they were told to find a partner and Georgia Lee was left sitting by herself, raising her hand and willing her voice not to shake with humiliation, May I work alone?
She couldn't work alone this time. Not here.
"Art enriches the community, Steve, no less than a pulsing fire hose, or a fireman beating down a blazing door. So what if we're drawing a nude man? So what if all we ever draw is a nude man, or the same nude man over and over in all sorts of provocative positions? Context, not content! Process, not subject! Don't be so gauche, Steve, it's beneath you."
"O-" her voice broke, she cleared her throat- "OK."
And she exhaled loudly, breathed out her tension. Georgia Lee was alright with her, they were still talking. She was still here. No footsteps getting quiet. And that was good enough. All she needed to make this new normal old.
And Georgia Lee was still speaking to her, so maybe she could put her pride aside now. "I'm sorry, I just." A sob escaped her throat. "No, sorry for that. I just, Irene. I was with Irene. I was with her." Another sob, and she breathed out an 'oh god'. Wiped her eyes. "Her and Hannah. They were my friends. Supposed to be. And then, this." She gestured to Nancy's body in the corner without looking at it, took a breath or two. Closed her eyes, breathed through her mouth. Don't break. "Well, no, not this. Abby, we saw Abby. Up there, second floor. Bled out. And, we were all so scared, god. We were so scared, and I was scared, and then Irene, she just up and ran, ran, and I get that she was scared and all, but then Hannah ran after her, and I was scared, so scared, and I stayed there and stared at her body, and-" more sobs and now she was breaking. She covered her face with her hands, tried to speak through them. "And I close my eyes, and I see her, I see her, and I waited and waited and they never came. They left me.
"I'm sorry, OK, I'm sorry for, for blaming you, but don't, don't do anything like that, don't leave, I'm sorry, don't."
And she exhaled loudly, breathed out her tension. Georgia Lee was alright with her, they were still talking. She was still here. No footsteps getting quiet. And that was good enough. All she needed to make this new normal old.
And Georgia Lee was still speaking to her, so maybe she could put her pride aside now. "I'm sorry, I just." A sob escaped her throat. "No, sorry for that. I just, Irene. I was with Irene. I was with her." Another sob, and she breathed out an 'oh god'. Wiped her eyes. "Her and Hannah. They were my friends. Supposed to be. And then, this." She gestured to Nancy's body in the corner without looking at it, took a breath or two. Closed her eyes, breathed through her mouth. Don't break. "Well, no, not this. Abby, we saw Abby. Up there, second floor. Bled out. And, we were all so scared, god. We were so scared, and I was scared, and then Irene, she just up and ran, ran, and I get that she was scared and all, but then Hannah ran after her, and I was scared, so scared, and I stayed there and stared at her body, and-" more sobs and now she was breaking. She covered her face with her hands, tried to speak through them. "And I close my eyes, and I see her, I see her, and I waited and waited and they never came. They left me.
"I'm sorry, OK, I'm sorry for, for blaming you, but don't, don't do anything like that, don't leave, I'm sorry, don't."
"Oh, Liv..."
Coming of Age in Samoa, the book in front of Georgia Lee read. It was faded but looked undamaged. She had heard the title but never read the book before. Something about a young woman traveling to Samoa in order to study the lives of the adolescent girls there. Something about disproving the notion that all teenagers experienced the kind of turmoil that American youths did.
Georgia Lee tucked the book under her arm and composed her face into an appropriate mask of sympathy before she rounded the shelf to where Olivia was again. It wasn't an act; just exaggerated, again.
"I won't leave you," she promised. "We're still friends, right? We're in this together."
Neither of them could afford to try and make it on their own. Not yet. Georgia Lee knew it, and Olivia clearly did too, on some level.
Coming of Age in Samoa, the book in front of Georgia Lee read. It was faded but looked undamaged. She had heard the title but never read the book before. Something about a young woman traveling to Samoa in order to study the lives of the adolescent girls there. Something about disproving the notion that all teenagers experienced the kind of turmoil that American youths did.
Georgia Lee tucked the book under her arm and composed her face into an appropriate mask of sympathy before she rounded the shelf to where Olivia was again. It wasn't an act; just exaggerated, again.
"I won't leave you," she promised. "We're still friends, right? We're in this together."
Neither of them could afford to try and make it on their own. Not yet. Georgia Lee knew it, and Olivia clearly did too, on some level.
"Art enriches the community, Steve, no less than a pulsing fire hose, or a fireman beating down a blazing door. So what if we're drawing a nude man? So what if all we ever draw is a nude man, or the same nude man over and over in all sorts of provocative positions? Context, not content! Process, not subject! Don't be so gauche, Steve, it's beneath you."
"Yes-" she gasped- "yes yes we are yes"
Olivia rushed towards Georgia Lee and hugged her, hid her face into her shoulder, held onto her because if she held on long enough, if she held on forever, then she would never be able to let go, and she would stay, and Olivia was still sobbing but she was so so so happy because they were in this together, and she had someone to be together with, she had someone, and she would not spend any more days alone in any cave, concrete or stone or sand, she would not be alone, and she could just keep holding on to ensure that, she could.
Olivia rushed towards Georgia Lee and hugged her, hid her face into her shoulder, held onto her because if she held on long enough, if she held on forever, then she would never be able to let go, and she would stay, and Olivia was still sobbing but she was so so so happy because they were in this together, and she had someone to be together with, she had someone, and she would not spend any more days alone in any cave, concrete or stone or sand, she would not be alone, and she could just keep holding on to ensure that, she could.
Georgia Lee wasn't sure how to react when Olivia hugged her out of the blue. When she hugged Olivia upon first seeing her a couple of days ago, it had been brief, calculated. This was desperation and fear, a reminder of the things that Olivia had been through that Georgia Lee had been fortunate enough to avoid. A reminder of how fragile Olivia was, how much she needed Georgia Lee to support her.
It felt good, to have someone rely on her and acknowledge how essential she was.
Georgia Lee hugged Olivia back with one arm, careful not to drop her book. "It's okay," she soothed. "As long as we stick together everything will be okay." She made a conscious effort not to protest as Olivia squeezed her, though she did wrinkle her nose at the smell of someone who was going on a week without a bath. She had to be just as bad herself, if she bothered to give her clothes a whiff. After several long moments, Georgia Lee eased herself back out of Olivia's grip, laying her hand on the other girl's shoulder.
"Did you find something you want to read or look at? We can stay in here a while, enjoy the sunlight." Nevermind the smell of bodies rotting. Nevermind the destruction around them. "It doesn't seem like anyone has been in here too recently, and nobody tried to get into the cafeteria until you came along. We should be fine in here for a little while, and we can barricade the door while we're here, like in the cafeteria."
They moved the chairs against the door, enough to deter anyone who came looking for entry. Georgia Lee was careful not to look too closely at the body under the table as they did so, but she still caught sight of Joshua Bracewell's distinctive cardigan and her stomach lurched. They found a corner far from the doorway, nestled behind a shelf and out of sight of most of the damage, and they sat and talked and eventually Georgia Lee settled down to read while Olivia occupied herself. It was almost enough to forget, for a little while.
Georgia Lee would curse herself for that little bit of enjoyment that she managed to squeeze out of those hours when they tried to return to the cafeteria after darkness fell.
Their sanctuary had been compromised. The door was standing open, when they had left it closed to keep up the illusion that it was still occupied. There might have been a noise from within. Georgia Lee didn't waste any time trying to determine whether there was or not, seizing Olivia's arm and pulling her back towards the library.
"It's not safe," she hissed. She didn't want to raise her voice any more than that, hoped that her grip on Olivia's arm and what they had both seen would be explanation enough.
They would have to wait out whoever had intruded on their hideout in the library. Surrounded by the smell of death and the shadows of disrespected knowledge, Georgia Lee sat awake throughout the night, hand on Olivia's arm. This was the price she paid for trying to break out of the routine, the price she had always paid for trying to make things better for herself. Nobody respected her space or her efforts.
Whenever she began to nod off, she would shake herself awake, straining her ears for the sounds of conflict down the hall, feeding on her own bitterness and fear to fuel her. Morning would come. They would make it through the night.
But come morning, Georgia Lee would have shadows under her eyes and another reminder of how things worked here and everywhere else in the world: when she stopped being practical, when she took her eyes off the goal for even a second, she suffered for it. The past several days of relative safety had spoiled her and made her forget that here.
She wouldn't forget again.
((Georgia Lee day continued in Cast in the Name of God))
It felt good, to have someone rely on her and acknowledge how essential she was.
Georgia Lee hugged Olivia back with one arm, careful not to drop her book. "It's okay," she soothed. "As long as we stick together everything will be okay." She made a conscious effort not to protest as Olivia squeezed her, though she did wrinkle her nose at the smell of someone who was going on a week without a bath. She had to be just as bad herself, if she bothered to give her clothes a whiff. After several long moments, Georgia Lee eased herself back out of Olivia's grip, laying her hand on the other girl's shoulder.
"Did you find something you want to read or look at? We can stay in here a while, enjoy the sunlight." Nevermind the smell of bodies rotting. Nevermind the destruction around them. "It doesn't seem like anyone has been in here too recently, and nobody tried to get into the cafeteria until you came along. We should be fine in here for a little while, and we can barricade the door while we're here, like in the cafeteria."
They moved the chairs against the door, enough to deter anyone who came looking for entry. Georgia Lee was careful not to look too closely at the body under the table as they did so, but she still caught sight of Joshua Bracewell's distinctive cardigan and her stomach lurched. They found a corner far from the doorway, nestled behind a shelf and out of sight of most of the damage, and they sat and talked and eventually Georgia Lee settled down to read while Olivia occupied herself. It was almost enough to forget, for a little while.
Georgia Lee would curse herself for that little bit of enjoyment that she managed to squeeze out of those hours when they tried to return to the cafeteria after darkness fell.
Their sanctuary had been compromised. The door was standing open, when they had left it closed to keep up the illusion that it was still occupied. There might have been a noise from within. Georgia Lee didn't waste any time trying to determine whether there was or not, seizing Olivia's arm and pulling her back towards the library.
"It's not safe," she hissed. She didn't want to raise her voice any more than that, hoped that her grip on Olivia's arm and what they had both seen would be explanation enough.
They would have to wait out whoever had intruded on their hideout in the library. Surrounded by the smell of death and the shadows of disrespected knowledge, Georgia Lee sat awake throughout the night, hand on Olivia's arm. This was the price she paid for trying to break out of the routine, the price she had always paid for trying to make things better for herself. Nobody respected her space or her efforts.
Whenever she began to nod off, she would shake herself awake, straining her ears for the sounds of conflict down the hall, feeding on her own bitterness and fear to fuel her. Morning would come. They would make it through the night.
But come morning, Georgia Lee would have shadows under her eyes and another reminder of how things worked here and everywhere else in the world: when she stopped being practical, when she took her eyes off the goal for even a second, she suffered for it. The past several days of relative safety had spoiled her and made her forget that here.
She wouldn't forget again.
((Georgia Lee day continued in Cast in the Name of God))
"Art enriches the community, Steve, no less than a pulsing fire hose, or a fireman beating down a blazing door. So what if we're drawing a nude man? So what if all we ever draw is a nude man, or the same nude man over and over in all sorts of provocative positions? Context, not content! Process, not subject! Don't be so gauche, Steve, it's beneath you."
And so they stayed in the library, setting up another sanctuary. Olivia didn't see why they had to stay in a room with three corpses when the cafeteria was literally just across, but she didn't seek another fight. She'd learned her lesson.
They talked, relived their past in this twilight of their lives, and if she closed her eyes, remembered to breathe through her mouth, she could imagine this being an afternoon after school, a down time in the midst of their study session. And this was a normal moment they were having, and normal equaled happy these days, so she tried to treasure it, tried to forget about Irene's sweater in her bag, or the absence of a watch on her wrist, or the putrid smell of what was once her classmates entering and slowly fading within her nose. No, this was their respite, and she would not let anything ruin that.
Except eventually, that had to end as well. When their words dwindled into silence and Georgia Lee began reading some book, Olivia went back to looking for what she came for. She rifled through bookshelves, trying to find something by Ezra Pound or E.E. Cummings, or really, any book of poetry would have satisfied. She also looked for a pen, pencil, any writing material that could be used for making her own set of cards. She eventually found something by Pound, and her face split into an ear-to-ear grin. She hadn't found any pen by dusk, though, even after walking around the entire library, passing by the three corpses multiple times, and the thought of that left her almost in tears. It was funny how, even though she'd told herself when she'd woken up that she wouldn't cry, wouldn't expose herself to the cameras in that way, she'd done so so many times. She felt like a pane of glass being tipped over by a puff of air.
The tears subsided eventually without Georgia Lee noticing, and they set about trying to get back to the cafeteria, when all of a sudden, Georgia Lee pulled her back. And she saw why. Open door, half-voice emanating from within. And she got chills along her spine, the chills you'd get at the climax of a nightmare. They retreated within the library, back to their corner, and in the midst of the fear and the lingering regret from their fight earlier, in spite of them, Olivia felt relieved. She had someone else's hand on her wrist, and for the first time in a while, her arm felt complete, and even without the watch, with Georgia Lee and the book, she started to feel somewhat complete. And so, despite the thuds and the gunshots happening next door, Olivia slept.
((Olivia Fischer continues in Cast in the Name of God))
They talked, relived their past in this twilight of their lives, and if she closed her eyes, remembered to breathe through her mouth, she could imagine this being an afternoon after school, a down time in the midst of their study session. And this was a normal moment they were having, and normal equaled happy these days, so she tried to treasure it, tried to forget about Irene's sweater in her bag, or the absence of a watch on her wrist, or the putrid smell of what was once her classmates entering and slowly fading within her nose. No, this was their respite, and she would not let anything ruin that.
Except eventually, that had to end as well. When their words dwindled into silence and Georgia Lee began reading some book, Olivia went back to looking for what she came for. She rifled through bookshelves, trying to find something by Ezra Pound or E.E. Cummings, or really, any book of poetry would have satisfied. She also looked for a pen, pencil, any writing material that could be used for making her own set of cards. She eventually found something by Pound, and her face split into an ear-to-ear grin. She hadn't found any pen by dusk, though, even after walking around the entire library, passing by the three corpses multiple times, and the thought of that left her almost in tears. It was funny how, even though she'd told herself when she'd woken up that she wouldn't cry, wouldn't expose herself to the cameras in that way, she'd done so so many times. She felt like a pane of glass being tipped over by a puff of air.
The tears subsided eventually without Georgia Lee noticing, and they set about trying to get back to the cafeteria, when all of a sudden, Georgia Lee pulled her back. And she saw why. Open door, half-voice emanating from within. And she got chills along her spine, the chills you'd get at the climax of a nightmare. They retreated within the library, back to their corner, and in the midst of the fear and the lingering regret from their fight earlier, in spite of them, Olivia felt relieved. She had someone else's hand on her wrist, and for the first time in a while, her arm felt complete, and even without the watch, with Georgia Lee and the book, she started to feel somewhat complete. And so, despite the thuds and the gunshots happening next door, Olivia slept.
((Olivia Fischer continues in Cast in the Name of God))