((Kammy continued from Cantata Mortis))
It was hard to walk. Tiredness. Physical, yes, and a simultaneous mental fatigue. Kammy knew where she needed to go, and wanted nothing less than to actually go there. Yet she kept trudging forward, one foot in front of the other, because she had to see, she had to confirm it. Kam believed what Gwen had said, and it didn't make any difference.
Had to see.
Kam wasn't sure if she was relieved or unsettled by Gwen not coming along. Part of her felt like company would be good. The rest was bubbling with something between rage and hate, a poisonous mix all centred around the fact that Gwen had been there and done nothing to stop it. She could've done... Kammy didn't know. Anything. Anything to prevent what had happened. There had to have been some way to save...
Kammy could've saved Michelle. She could've done it. She could've stayed instead of cutting and running from the reality of what she'd done. She could've called out Eliza on being shifty, she could've been that bit less idealistic and filled with 'people are mostly good' and 'it's who can I not trust, not who can I trust' and seen that there was a killer lying behind the guardedness and... and fuck. It was ripping her to pieces.
The hospital was quiet, as Kammy stepped through the doors and moved through bit by bit. She tried not to look at Alex and Carlon at first, before stopping when she was almost past them, turning, and staring. Four seconds, five seconds. Then moving on.
She knew it was the place before she even stepped into the room, upon ascending the stairs to the second floor. Kam could smell the blood, but it was more than that, there was... something hanging in the air. Normally she wouldn't go into spirits and the supernatural and Michelle certainly would've flicked her on the nose for saying it, but there was ... an aura.
It wasn't a pleasant one.
Kammy reached out and took the door handle. She held it for a long time, breathing long and slow, then willed herself forward to open it.
"Michelle..."
She was there. Laying what would almost seem serenely, if it wasn't for the mass of blood-soaked bandages, the crimson pool that had seeped out across the floor. Michelle, there in the flesh. Dead.
Dreamlike Kam stepped forward, the sound of the footfalls echoing bizarrely around her, giving way to gentle splashes, shoes sticking slightly as she moved. Still drying. Closer now, so that Kammy could see the expression on her face, turned to the side - so calm... why was Michelle so calm?
Kammy half crouched, half crumpled down, a trembling hand reaching out to touch her girlfriend's face, cradle her cheek like she'd done so many times in the past. Michelle's skin was cold as ice.
Why couldn't Kam have been the hero? Kicked down the door when things were bleakest, blown Eliza away and given a pithy one-liner? Or hell, not even the all action hero, just got there on time and saved the girl? Or stormed in and leapt in front of the gun, taken the bullet? It wasn't- it should've been her. Kammy fucked up and killed two people and got to live, Michelle didn't do a damn thing except be all the wonderful quirky things that were Michelle and was dead.
It wasn't right.
"I should've been there for you," she whispered.
No Time Left
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BROseidon†
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((Virgil Jefferson-Davis continued from Requiescat in Pace))
Virgil hadn't made it very far before it started raining.
The plan had been so simple. Go camp out by the road near the school, wait for Hansel to approach, and then bam. There was a certain elegance in the simplicity. No need to talk to Hansel, to hear him try to justify killing people. No need to put himself at risk, as Hansel beelined for the food provided for his murderous ways. A few shots, and bam, the biggest killer on the Island would be gone. But then it started raining. As much as Virgil would have liked to execute on his mission despite the rain, staying dry and alive was still the higher priority.
He'd just passed by the hospital. He didn't want to turn back. Keep going, find shelter elsewhere. The map said there was something up ahead, right? He remembered a building being there.
But it was cold, and something else compelled him back. Some perverse self-hatred. He needed a reminder that he was doing the right thing.
Virgil quickly weaved his way through the halls of the hospital to where Michelle's body lay. The door to the room was open. Maybe it meant nothing, but maybe someone else was there. As Virgil approached, he got a better view of the room. There was the table, Michelle's body lying serenely atop it. And there was another girl, kneeling next to her.
Kammy, who'd killed twice. Kammy, who was Michelle's girlfriend. Virgil felt his chest weaken, his eyes moisten. He swallowed, choking back anything he was feeling.
He walked to the doorway and dropped his bag outside the room, placing it quietly on the floor as to not disturb Kammy. He stood there for a moment, taking in the sight in front of him. He needed to leave. He needed to give Kammy this moment with Michelle.
At the same time, they both probably needed some closure.
"I was there," Virgil said softly. The words came out softly, almost like a whisper, or a whimper. "Not when Eliza shot her. After."
Virgil could feel the moisture building in his eyes. It had just been a day ago. He shouldn't have chosen to relive it, not so soon.
"I tried to save her. The bandages, I – it didn't work."
Virgil hadn't made it very far before it started raining.
The plan had been so simple. Go camp out by the road near the school, wait for Hansel to approach, and then bam. There was a certain elegance in the simplicity. No need to talk to Hansel, to hear him try to justify killing people. No need to put himself at risk, as Hansel beelined for the food provided for his murderous ways. A few shots, and bam, the biggest killer on the Island would be gone. But then it started raining. As much as Virgil would have liked to execute on his mission despite the rain, staying dry and alive was still the higher priority.
He'd just passed by the hospital. He didn't want to turn back. Keep going, find shelter elsewhere. The map said there was something up ahead, right? He remembered a building being there.
But it was cold, and something else compelled him back. Some perverse self-hatred. He needed a reminder that he was doing the right thing.
Virgil quickly weaved his way through the halls of the hospital to where Michelle's body lay. The door to the room was open. Maybe it meant nothing, but maybe someone else was there. As Virgil approached, he got a better view of the room. There was the table, Michelle's body lying serenely atop it. And there was another girl, kneeling next to her.
Kammy, who'd killed twice. Kammy, who was Michelle's girlfriend. Virgil felt his chest weaken, his eyes moisten. He swallowed, choking back anything he was feeling.
He walked to the doorway and dropped his bag outside the room, placing it quietly on the floor as to not disturb Kammy. He stood there for a moment, taking in the sight in front of him. He needed to leave. He needed to give Kammy this moment with Michelle.
At the same time, they both probably needed some closure.
"I was there," Virgil said softly. The words came out softly, almost like a whisper, or a whimper. "Not when Eliza shot her. After."
Virgil could feel the moisture building in his eyes. It had just been a day ago. He shouldn't have chosen to relive it, not so soon.
"I tried to save her. The bandages, I – it didn't work."
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Kammy wasn't sure how long she knelt there. Time lost its meaning in a place like this, in a situation like this. Tears might have spilled. Maybe not. She might have screamed again. Maybe not.
There was a faint rustling sound from behind her. Kammy straightened up slightly. Then words, then...
Virgil. She knew Virgil, a little - they'd chatted before a few times, knew enough to have heard about his parents, which Kam had thought was awesome. That kind of thing just seemed so... pointless now, in the face of all of it. Hard to be focused on activism and civil rights and even her family when Michelle was laying there cold just a couple of feet away.
Kam looked down at the bloodstained bandages again. Virgil had tried to help... must've been part of the group Gwen had alluded to earlier. Why wasn't he there? Or Gwen? Why the hell had Michelle been alone to get gunned the fuck down by a fucking- why hadn't someone...
There was a long pause.
She didn't know whether to thank him for trying, scream at him for failing, break down again or do something in between all three. Kam's gaze travelled a couple feet to the right, to rest on her gun. She didn't know when she'd dropped it, but it had clattered onto the ground, into the pool of blood.
"Why was she by herself?" Kam said, hoarse, weak. "How could you just... let someone stroll up and gun her down?"
Not diplomatic, not entirely accusatory either, but the words were there and unspoken. You let her die.
There was a faint rustling sound from behind her. Kammy straightened up slightly. Then words, then...
Virgil. She knew Virgil, a little - they'd chatted before a few times, knew enough to have heard about his parents, which Kam had thought was awesome. That kind of thing just seemed so... pointless now, in the face of all of it. Hard to be focused on activism and civil rights and even her family when Michelle was laying there cold just a couple of feet away.
Kam looked down at the bloodstained bandages again. Virgil had tried to help... must've been part of the group Gwen had alluded to earlier. Why wasn't he there? Or Gwen? Why the hell had Michelle been alone to get gunned the fuck down by a fucking- why hadn't someone...
There was a long pause.
She didn't know whether to thank him for trying, scream at him for failing, break down again or do something in between all three. Kam's gaze travelled a couple feet to the right, to rest on her gun. She didn't know when she'd dropped it, but it had clattered onto the ground, into the pool of blood.
"Why was she by herself?" Kam said, hoarse, weak. "How could you just... let someone stroll up and gun her down?"
Not diplomatic, not entirely accusatory either, but the words were there and unspoken. You let her die.
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BROseidon†
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Kammy postured near her gun. It felt non-threatening, though. She looked too much in grief to kill. She deserved answers, honest ones. The fact that she had killed twice felt irrelevant here. Michelle had been right, Kammy wasn't any sort of a threat. He could ask her about it later, maybe.
"We were asleep. Michelle woke up before me and went down the hall. Near the supply closet. I woke up to the gunshot and ran as fast as I could. I – by the time I got there, Eliza was gone. So was Gwen. I don't know why they went off by themselves, or why Gwen didn't stop it. I should have been there. I could have stopped it."
Virgil paused for a second before continuing. He knew Kammy was suffering more than he was. She and Michelle had been so close. Virgil was just a peripheral friend until all of this happened. Did he owe anything to Kammy? Maybe. He felt like he did.
"I'm sorry, Kammy. Not that it does anything. Is there anything else you want to know? I was with Michelle for pretty much the entire time." It was the least Virgil could offer.
"We were asleep. Michelle woke up before me and went down the hall. Near the supply closet. I woke up to the gunshot and ran as fast as I could. I – by the time I got there, Eliza was gone. So was Gwen. I don't know why they went off by themselves, or why Gwen didn't stop it. I should have been there. I could have stopped it."
Virgil paused for a second before continuing. He knew Kammy was suffering more than he was. She and Michelle had been so close. Virgil was just a peripheral friend until all of this happened. Did he owe anything to Kammy? Maybe. He felt like he did.
"I'm sorry, Kammy. Not that it does anything. Is there anything else you want to know? I was with Michelle for pretty much the entire time." It was the least Virgil could offer.
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Virgil explained. Kammy didn't want him to, even though she'd asked. This shouldn't all just have ... reasons for it, shouldn't be able to just say 'and this is why the woman you love just died!'. It made sense and she hated it for making sense and hated Virgil for telling her and hated Gwen for running away, and hated Eliza for being there and hated herself for not thinking to stop her and hated Michelle for being dead. She swallowed and then tears were streaming again, hot and silent down her cheeks.
"I don't want to know," Kam said softly, meaning it. Why would she want to hear about what Michelle had done? All that mattered was that Kammy hadn't got there in time. If she'd just stayed, if she'd just rested... Michelle would've come right to her. They must've gone almost straight past each other without meeting.
"I fucked up. I fucked it all up."
Kam snatched at her gun, swivelled, for a second she was pointing it at Virgil, but her hand wasn't steady, and it wavered away from him in a second, motion non deiberate.
"It's over."
She reversed the gun, pointed at her head, closed her eyes and squeezed the grip tight.
Her finger slid onto the trigger.
"I don't want to know," Kam said softly, meaning it. Why would she want to hear about what Michelle had done? All that mattered was that Kammy hadn't got there in time. If she'd just stayed, if she'd just rested... Michelle would've come right to her. They must've gone almost straight past each other without meeting.
"I fucked up. I fucked it all up."
Kam snatched at her gun, swivelled, for a second she was pointing it at Virgil, but her hand wasn't steady, and it wavered away from him in a second, motion non deiberate.
"It's over."
She reversed the gun, pointed at her head, closed her eyes and squeezed the grip tight.
Her finger slid onto the trigger.
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BROseidon†
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Virgil wasn't really sure how the fuck Kammy's gun was pointed in his direction. Her hand quivered though. She wouldn't hit with a shot. She didn't look like she wanted to shoot him at all.
Virgil's hands reflexively shot up, as if that would change anything. Kammy wasn't rational right now. She was grieving.
And just as quickly as the gun had been pointed at him, Kammy redirected it back to her head. Just like the first day, when Virgil found Michelle sitting on the cliff, her water gun pointed at her head. But this time it was a real gun. Kammy could kill herself with that.
Virgil needed to act fast. He couldn't save Michelle, but maybe he could save Kammy. Maybe she could help him in making Michelle's vision a reality.
"It isn't over. Michelle had a plan. She may be dead, but we can still make her plan happen. I'm going to try; it's on you whether you join me or not."
Virgil's hands reflexively shot up, as if that would change anything. Kammy wasn't rational right now. She was grieving.
And just as quickly as the gun had been pointed at him, Kammy redirected it back to her head. Just like the first day, when Virgil found Michelle sitting on the cliff, her water gun pointed at her head. But this time it was a real gun. Kammy could kill herself with that.
Virgil needed to act fast. He couldn't save Michelle, but maybe he could save Kammy. Maybe she could help him in making Michelle's vision a reality.
"It isn't over. Michelle had a plan. She may be dead, but we can still make her plan happen. I'm going to try; it's on you whether you join me or not."
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The finger didn't lift, but it did stop for a moment. Paused. Poised.
Kammy's arm dropped to her side like a marionette string had been cut.
She looked back at Virgil. There might have been the hint of a raised eyebrow. Gwen hadn't said anything about a plan, or some kind of ideal that Michelle had been sticking to. She'd just said that Michelle was keeping the group going - along those lines, anyway.
Kam had to stop a second and rack her brains over what kind of plan Michelle could have had. She was smart, but Kammy never thought of her as a scientist, not someone who could disarm the mechanics of a collar, for instance.
Another paused and then something that was half a shrug.
"I'm listening."
Kammy's arm dropped to her side like a marionette string had been cut.
She looked back at Virgil. There might have been the hint of a raised eyebrow. Gwen hadn't said anything about a plan, or some kind of ideal that Michelle had been sticking to. She'd just said that Michelle was keeping the group going - along those lines, anyway.
Kam had to stop a second and rack her brains over what kind of plan Michelle could have had. She was smart, but Kammy never thought of her as a scientist, not someone who could disarm the mechanics of a collar, for instance.
Another paused and then something that was half a shrug.
"I'm listening."
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BROseidon†
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It seemed to have worked; Kammy's body language completely shifted when he mentioned Michelle's plan.
"Michelle... she wanted the fighting to stop. We're all dead anyways; Michelle figured out that they probably won't broadcast all of this until after we die as a measure against rescue attempts. So, we might as well make them blow our collars, right? At least get the Pyrrhic victory, yeah? Michelle wanted that. She wanted to get people to get rid of their weapons and stop killing."
Virgil felt like he wasn't explaining it very well.
"We can make that happen. Most of our classmates haven't killed yet, probably don't want to kill. And we can deal with the ones that are killing on a case by case basis."
"Michelle... she wanted the fighting to stop. We're all dead anyways; Michelle figured out that they probably won't broadcast all of this until after we die as a measure against rescue attempts. So, we might as well make them blow our collars, right? At least get the Pyrrhic victory, yeah? Michelle wanted that. She wanted to get people to get rid of their weapons and stop killing."
Virgil felt like he wasn't explaining it very well.
"We can make that happen. Most of our classmates haven't killed yet, probably don't want to kill. And we can deal with the ones that are killing on a case by case basis."
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No more killing from anyone.
Letting EVERYONE all go out at once, in a great big 'fuck you' to everything that the game and the people running it stood for.
Yeah, that sounded like something that Michelle would come up with in a place like this, all right.
Kammy was quiet, looked down at her girlfriend's body for several long moments. She knew instinctively that Michelle would have wanted her to join in with this, would have fought her corner against members of her own group who doubted Kam, knew that forgiveness for killing would have been forthcoming right away... tears maybe, but embraces, soft words...
And she also knew that she would have let Michelle talk her into going along with it, for better or worse.
But Virgil?
Not Virgil.
"If we're all going to die... there's someone who needs to go ahead of me," Kammy looked back up to Virgil. "There's nothing left for me to take a stand on any more. If Michelle were- if it wasn't for..." her voice cracked and she shook her head. "I'm not a good enough person to live and let live, here."
Letting EVERYONE all go out at once, in a great big 'fuck you' to everything that the game and the people running it stood for.
Yeah, that sounded like something that Michelle would come up with in a place like this, all right.
Kammy was quiet, looked down at her girlfriend's body for several long moments. She knew instinctively that Michelle would have wanted her to join in with this, would have fought her corner against members of her own group who doubted Kam, knew that forgiveness for killing would have been forthcoming right away... tears maybe, but embraces, soft words...
And she also knew that she would have let Michelle talk her into going along with it, for better or worse.
But Virgil?
Not Virgil.
"If we're all going to die... there's someone who needs to go ahead of me," Kammy looked back up to Virgil. "There's nothing left for me to take a stand on any more. If Michelle were- if it wasn't for..." her voice cracked and she shook her head. "I'm not a good enough person to live and let live, here."
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BROseidon†
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"That's fine, I won't stop you," Virgil responded. She wanted to kill Eliza, that much was obvious. Virgil understood; he wanted a shot at Eliza, too. She wasn't going to stop, either. Michelle's words couldn't placate her, after all.
"I'll give you a pass on killing Eliza, Kam. She probably won't stop killing, anyways, so that's fine by me. But, if you start killing to survive, I'll have no choice but to stop you." Virgil was serious. Kammy may have been Michelle's girlfriend, but Virgil couldn't make exceptions. He couldn't afford to make exceptions. Everyone who was killing had to be stopped.
"I'll give you some alone time, now. Good luck." Virgil grabbed his bag and walked away. He hoped he didn't see her again.
((Virgil Jefferson-Davis continued in Miles Behind Us))
"I'll give you a pass on killing Eliza, Kam. She probably won't stop killing, anyways, so that's fine by me. But, if you start killing to survive, I'll have no choice but to stop you." Virgil was serious. Kammy may have been Michelle's girlfriend, but Virgil couldn't make exceptions. He couldn't afford to make exceptions. Everyone who was killing had to be stopped.
"I'll give you some alone time, now. Good luck." Virgil grabbed his bag and walked away. He hoped he didn't see her again.
((Virgil Jefferson-Davis continued in Miles Behind Us))
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Virgil departed. Kammy was glad that he didn't try and dissuade her, wouldn't have been pleasant for either of them, so far as she figured.
That left her with-
That left her alone.
Kam didn't move from down on the ground for some time.
Then she leaned in, brushed Michelle's hair gently aside, and kissed her on the forehead.
Rising, Kammy headed for the door, hesitated, standing in the hallway, and then pressed on. No looking back.
((Kammy continued in: In Silent Seas We Drown))
That left her with-
That left her alone.
Kam didn't move from down on the ground for some time.
Then she leaned in, brushed Michelle's hair gently aside, and kissed her on the forehead.
Rising, Kammy headed for the door, hesitated, standing in the hallway, and then pressed on. No looking back.
((Kammy continued in: In Silent Seas We Drown))